Epilogue...

It's been a while between my final chapter of this blog until this Epilogue. There is a reason, besides just my tendency for procrastination. I wanted to get through the holidays without these thoughts intruding. I'd say I did pretty good. With the exception of an intense discussion of nasal bridles. (If you are curious just Google that medieval torture device). It's still a struggle.

I had a few doctor's appointments.  The reality of all this is that it's something I must live with now. It's not like a cold that will go away. Prevention is still important. But it's coupled with management now. The pacemaker is a permanent part of me. The artificial valves are going nowhere. The bypass grafts are permanent. I'm Living with these things. I have cards I have to carry with me in case something happens. I'll have to show them at any TSA checkpoint if I fly. It's who I am now. These follow up appointments are important. It's my new reality. 

"Managing" means I have to manage my fear of doctors. That is still a huge barrier for me. The truth... I spend the days leading up to my appointments talking myself out of cancelling them. One side of my brain is looking for excuses to cancel or reschedule. The other half is telling me I need to do this to stay out of the hospital. I's a battle.- 

So far my check ups have gone well. There is always room for improvements. Even before this I was never a model of health and fitness. But so far, the stuff that matters is improving. And I need to make sure  it continues.

There are always worries in the back of my mind. The pacemaker has a finite life. As of my last check up my battery life is around four years. These valves have a finite life. And there is always a worry that my grafts may get blockages. 

I still have the greatest support system. My sister watches me like a hawk. I'm not sure what I'd do without her. 

I hope to travel this year. I have travelled as far as the wilds of eastern Kentucky. But I'm talking about flying. To Idaho where my great nieces are. I need to make up for the brief visit through the window. Ihaven't flown in a few years.

I have friends and loved ones who are facing health challenges as well. Some of them worse than others. Some horrifying.  I don't know if anything I have said or revealed has helped anyone. Maybe it has. Maybe not. But my wishes are that everyone stays healthy. Everyone get's the support and love they need. 

I'm looking forward to moving ahead with my other blog, but this has been an amazing experience. It has been rewarding in ways that I cannot put into words. Maybe someday I will print this all out. Bind it. Make it a book. Who knows. But it's here. 

Again, if you are dealing with any similar health issues and have questions message me. I may not have the answers, but I have ears. 

And just remember... This is far from over.

Thank you.

- Greg