First we went to the park & beach, but after being there for two hours it was lunchtime and the kids were hungry. Wilbur’s mom invited us to her home for a swim in their pool and hot dogs/hamburgers. The twins were ecstatic to go to his house. Only West has had a playdate and it was due to Fitz being in the hospital so this was a big moment for them. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t also a big day for me. Enjoying the day at a pool, with happy kids, all while enjoying lunch with a friend…could I ask for anything better? 

When we arrived West & Fitz couldn’t believe someone had their own pool. I’m a little worried a pool is going to make it on their Christmas lists. They quickly got ready to hop in and had the time of their lives. They jumped off the diving board about 1,000 times and every single time would shout “Mom, Mom, Mom- watch!” I think I also said 1,000 times “yup I’m watching.” I mean, I was only treading water right in front of the diving board waiting to catch them, but they had to be sure I didn’t miss what they claimed to be their biggest cannonball yet. 

Somehow Fitz made it allllllll day. I’m sure Wilbur’s mom didn’t plan on hosting us for lunch and dinner but she made it seem like it was no big deal. I kept expecting Fitz to just drop but somehow he was able to find that energy and was in an amazing mood. He just kept leaping in from the side over and over- which is a HUGE deal for him. 

We made our exit shortly after dinner because the twins moods declined rapidly by then, but it was so fun for Fitz to have a great day with his friend. His first play date. He talked about it almost everyday for the rest of summer (West claimed Wilbur’s mom ‘texted him’ we could come over again on whatever day it happened to be). 

Following that magical play date I had to get the family ready for the week up north. I have to admit I was nervous, I don’t usually know when Fitz is going to feel great and appear totally healthy or when he’ll feel like garbage. Throughout this process I’ve adjusted my parenting style. I used to say ‘tough it out’ or flat out no to things- especially snacks. I hate snacks. 

Fitz’s taste buds are affected by the chemo and it’s tough because he can’t vocalize it. He’ll feel hungry but then become nauseous once the food is in front of his face. Certain smells and textures get to him. Andrew once said it’s like living with a pregnant woman (that never actually gives birth though). I take a little offense to that but he claimed it wasn’t aimed at me…😒

It’s interesting, children and adults describe having a metallic taste in their mouth from foods when taking chemotherapy drugs. I’m hoping I’m not the only one that ever tried this as a kid…but if you recall the moment you put a penny in your mouth as a kid and had that awful taste in your mouth (and also likely caught the flu or worse)…it’s like that almost every time he eats. 

Fitz’s doctor had confirmed his taste buds had definitely been impacted- he had sores on his tongue at his last appointment and they hadn’t healed. He heals any cut and bruise at a very slow rate so it would be awhile before they went away. His teeth hurt and as a result I was using a baby tooth brush for him because a regular kid toothbrush was too harsh and would cause bleeding. He’s already at risk for cavities and infections so there was no way I was letting his teeth fall out with his hair. 

Fitz can’t have any teeth cleanings until 2024 - but while we waited at the dentist she so kindly checked his teeth during his brothers regular check-up for any tooth decay. Thankfully he didn’t have any. 

She praised him for doing so well with maintaining his healthy teeth with regular brushing and it was what I needed him to hear. All of the praise that he’s brave and doing a great job make these tiny tasks and activities so much easier at home. She recommended he begin using a straw to drink because it was easier on his teeth. Who knew? 

I felt like a new mother where you’re afraid of looking like I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I was afraid of people seeing the food meltdowns while up north. 

To be honest, I suppose that’s not entirely true….it’s hard to feel that you’re being judged. For anything. I’d love to say ‘who cares,’ but in reality, don’t we all care at least a little bit?  If Fitz looked worse physically I don’t think I’d get as many sideways glances as I feel I do, but his food cravings are real. 

I had to stick to my position that if Fitz wants chicken nuggets everyday or his Chobani flip yogurt for every meal I wasn’t going to stand in his way. He only ate 3-4 foods max at a time and didn’t eat very much honestly. I think it’s fair to say every parent has a moment where you feel you were too harsh, or dismissive, etc. I decided at the beginning I would rather fix some habits and behaviors later than ever look back and regret where I was too harsh. 

Despite feeling self conscious, I continued to be his personal chef all week. I’d pack a little cooler for him in the mornings so that we wouldn’t have to leave the lake for a cheese stick or go-gurt. There were a handful, maybe a bit more than a handful of heated discussions between Fitz and I at the fridge, but we managed to both walk away happy (enough). 

The week was so good for Fitz in many ways. He’s very introverted and being around all of his aunts and uncles for so many days helped him open up. He even took a few pictures with his aunts and uncles! Without his hat! Big step. 

His favorite activity had to be the jet ski. He could ride that thing all day long. I learned Fitz and west had different speed preferences. West had a need for speed while Fitz wanted a steady cruise. 

Whenever I’d take Fitz alone he took on a new persona. There was one particular ride when I realized his new persona was just like Kenny Powers. I swear at one point he wanted to do a donut but whip me off at the turn…just like Kenny Powers does to a woman during a ride. As much as I love Eastbound and Down I did hope that he didn’t take on Kenny’s other wonderful traits.  

There was one low point on the trip. He lost his beloved red and green bucket hat. We were on a boat ride and Fitz was sitting in the front with a group of adults. He suddenly walked towards me and had tears coming down his face. I asked what was wrong and he put his hand on his smooth head and said his hat flew off. 

I quickly stood to ask Nico, Natalie’s husband and our amazing driver, if he could swing around. He didn’t even hesitate and swung the boat quickly. But then…I was told his hat flew off by the neighboring docks and was long gone.

 I didn’t know what to say…Fitz was so upset, he loved that hat and NEEDED his hat (not only for his own anxiety but sun protection as he’s so susceptible to sunburn right now). 

The others on the boat didn’t get it. It’s funny what adults are willing to just say “oh well” to for kids but would never do to another adult. I just told myself they don’t have kids. They don’t deal with a sick child who has panic attacks about being bald. They’ve never had other kids point, ask questions, and in a few instances, laugh. And hopefully they don’t ever need to. They just laughed it off and shrugged. 

Nico looked at me and I could tell he felt so terrible- he told me we could go all the way back. I knew the hat had sunk by that point. I told him I’d figure it out later. 

I had purchased so many hats for Fitz when he first lost his hair and he only liked the bucket hat style. I spent that boat ride draining my phone battery by searching for that same hat. Of course it was sold out. 

When we got back I walked down the lakeshore and looked around the neighboring docks. One house had a group of adults sitting around a fire and I felt so bad to interrupt them and ask if I could look around their dock for the hat. They all hopped up out of the chairs as fast as they could and tried to find it in the water with me. They didn’t shrug it off and they weren’t even aware Fitz had cancer.

I walked down a few more beaches before giving up and heading back to the cabin. When I arrived back I sat down to continue to hunt for the hat. Luckily I found it for sale on poshmark for a premium. I’ve never checked out faster and afterwards I walked up to my moms room and like a 12 year old, vented. And of course, just like when I was 12, she made me feel better. Moms never stop being moms. 

The hat fiasco quickly became a distant memory (for Fitz..:obviously not myself!) as Fitz roasted marshmallows, jumped to exhaustion on the lily pad, and found he liked lounging on the dock with his aunties. The week went by too quickly. 

We didn’t even get out of the driveway to start our drive home and Fitz was already asking about next summer. 

And…his hat shipped right away and was delivered the day after we arrived home 😊