First! My deepest gratitude for the Love & Light you all are sending: I FEEL IT. I'm gobbling it up! Even if I haven't been able to respond to each post, message, or card, please know I'm savoring every yummy wish, hug, prayer, & ball of light. They truly sustain me.

Everything you send gets held to my heart, & so I'm holding YOU there, too...  A little crystal, & a stone for healing? Yes! Mmm this soap smells comforting... Have I ever been so rich with quality bars of chocolate & candles?!...

Every morning I've been waking up earlier than usual, & I settle on the couch with granola, yogurt, berries, & coffee (thanks, Mom!)... & I light a candle; do some simple stretches; & imagine White, Healing Light entering all the cells & corners of my body. I did this, too, on my 52nd birthday on Jan 7 -- &, even though I'll admit to the thought: What if this is my last birthday?, I'm feeling genuinely calm & peaceful, while encouraging the idea of being a cork floating on the stream. Controlling what I can, & reminding myself to bob through what's really out of my control. 

In a life-long challenge against my depression, anxiety, & panic, this new attitude has transformed my daily mindset! It sure took a while to establish itself & serve me really well! -- but I'll take it! -- & accept that perhaps it came along strongly & precisely as I need it most!

So... I had a lovely birthday on the 7th! I received a basket of gorgeous hand-knitted & cozy things from my choir's Stitch & Bitch group... & flowers from my oldest dear friend... & the unconditional support & love of my family... & an overwhelming collection of video messages put together by some of my closest friends. I want to acknowledge how much all of that means to me. Blesses me.

Well then. During the week before surgery, I had a covid test; 2 brain-mapping scans; & my first meeting with my oncologist, who specializes in melanoma cancer that has spread. He needs more test results about the nature of this melanoma, but we did talk about several possible approaches with medicines & immuno-therapies. I'll meet with him again later in January!

I was preparing to go to Regions Hospital to get the larger tumor out on Jan 13... but ended up experiencing a more severe seizure on Wed, Jan 12 (in the middle of a lovely evening when my long-time friend Ann was helping me wash my hair!), which sent me to Region's ER a day early. Oh well... at least I'll feel safe... & won't need to arise at the buttcrack of dawn to drive to the hospital... heeheehee "buttcrack of dawn"... how long until they admit me? ERs are like purgatory... & I cannot believe I'm having BRAIN SURGERY tomorrow...

But I did -- & it went well! I think I was coming to consciousness around 4:30pm & wheeling into the ICU for brainz, when I learned that when Dr. Mendez got in my head, they discovered the tumor had gotten a bit larger & caused more swelling than expected, darn it. Have I told you that I named that tumor "Scut Farkus"? You know, the nasty, obnoxious bully from the classic movie A Christmas Story?! Well Scut is OUT -- 

However, the symptoms we thought would subside in a few days are lingering -- my left side is still very numb, weak, without much sensation, & uncoordinated. So, new plan? I'll be in a "regular" hospital room for a couple days (with a terrific view of downtown St. Paul & a pretty snowfall)... & then I'll be settling into the neurology  rehabilitation unit, for physical therapy. It sounds suspiciously like gym class... Uh-oh.