Well, I made it. Yesterday marks my 5-year anniversary of the day I got the call telling me “you have breast cancer.” Did I think I’d be here to write this blog post? Honestly, I didn’t. When you’re given a cancer diagnosis, you assume the worst. It’s human nature. There are really no words of reassurance anyone can say to you. Trust me, I heard “you’ll beat this” and “fight like a girl” a thousand times…and I appreciated every word of support, because no one knows what to say or do when they hear a friend or family member has been diagnosed with cancer. But really all I wanted to hear was that those close to me cared about me. And I appreciated those who treated me like the normal kickass girl I was before, and not like a delicate cancer patient.

I remember that day, it was a sunny day, and we had just had a huge snowfall the night before…just like today, just like last night. It’s hard to believe I’ve been through 8 surgeries since then. 25 rounds of radiation. 3 years of Lupron shots in my butt. And nearly 5 years of Tamoxifen. Chronic fatigue and debilitating hot flashes. A pinched sciatic nerve due to my L5-S1 compressing, which required a back surgery. To sum it up, a whole lot of crap.

So what have I learned from all this? I’ve certainly learned to try not to take things for granted – especially friendships and my amazing husband, who has stood by my side through this entire ordeal. I’ve tried to be more appreciative of, and to savor, the little things and the random moments of beauty. I’ve tried to slow down, but really haven’t succeeded at that. There’s too much I still want to accomplish!

I’ve also learned that life is too short to be spending too much of your time doing things that aren’t rewarding, or that cause you more distress than satisfaction. I’ve learned to treasure the genuine friendships in my life, and to try and avoid people who are negative or manipulative, or who try to take advantage of my kindness. I’ve learned that I really cannot go at breakneck speed nonstop anymore, which has been difficult for me to accept. I’ve learned I need a little more balance of activities I enjoy, like painting (my first attempt at abstract art is pictured), photography, and even doing the occasional puzzle. These “leisure” activities seem to use different parts of my brain, and I’ve found I feel better both mentally and physically when there is a little art in my life.

I’ve learned that things don’t always work out the way you want them to, but that God usually ends up guiding you to just where you need to be.

So, these are the things I have learned. I don’t claim to be much wiser since surviving cancer. But I hope some of the things I’ve shared over the years in this blog have maybe inspired you a little bit, or at least helped you understand what a cancer survivor is thinking or feeling, and helped you help others in your life who are struggling with illnesses or diagnoses like this.

For now, I will continue to hope, pray, and persist.

Love, Emily

 
I'm not saying I know how you feel
I just know that I can help you deal

These simple things mean more than I can say
These moments make up for all our past days

Don't lose your mind
Don't lose your good heart

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong

And I'm not saying
This isn't where you'll stay

But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

--From “This is How You Walk On”