In a moment his suffering of the previous 3 months was over, in a moment he was healed, in a moment he was face to face with Jesus in heaven.

In that same moment our suffering deepened, we were left broken, our faith was rocked.

 

So where have we been since that moment?

 

In the words of Christa Wells in her song "One Day"...We're doing "one day, one breath, one prayer, one thing at a time.  One word, one step, one hope..."

 

Some days we stand against the waves of grief, some days they knock us over and we wonder if we'll be able to get back up.

 

The world continues to move, daily routines continue, meals are made, chores are done, work days are put in, the preschool halls are navigated, social get togethers, church...From all outside appearances life is "normal", though we often feel a heavy weight that makes it hard to "keep up".  We live with the reality that there is a huge hole in our family, that every piece of life looks different.  We smile and laugh more than we did a year ago, but are often left with a feeling of pain when the reality of life comes crashing back in.  

 

The kids are doing extremely well.  Addelyn misses her big brother.  They were only 19 months apart in age and spent almost every moment together, so it has certainly been an adjustment for her.  She often talks about Elliot being in heaven and imagines what he's doing there.  For her, it is normal to talk about heaven and she is excited to go there someday.  She is a great big sister to Silas and loves teaching him.  She is extremely bright and loves learning.  Her favorite things are swimming, horses and "doing school".

 

Silas has launched into all the stereotypes of the "terrible two's" and is keeping us on our toes.  He is funny (and knows it), outgoing and opinionated about all things in life.  In October he had surgery to correct a kidney issue he has had since birth.  Being back in the hospital was traumatic for us but Silas had an amazing surgeon and everything went perfectly.  He has fully recovered and scans have shown surgery to be successful.  He loves all things boy...trucks, balls, climbing and picking on his sister.

 

 

Through each season, day and moment of the past year we have felt supported, cared for and held.  This journey would look so much different without the family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, counselors and pastors who have been there for us.  Thank you to each one of you who have reached out and have prayed for us.  We have not been able to personally thank each one of you, but please know that we are so grateful.

 

As we wrap this up we want to encourage each of you to take a moment and search your hearts; think about your relationship with Jesus, wrestle with what happens after your time on earth ends.  We have wrestled with our faith, we have been angry at God, we have poured our hearts out to him in lament.  In the end, we believe that his words and promises are true.  Even when we don't understand, even when our faith is barely hanging on, we believe he is faithful and cling to the hope that one day we will be together again with our boy in eternal glory with our Savior and Lord.  We will spend eternity living in the presence of God, enjoying the perfect beauty of creation as it was meant to be, living whole, complete and full of joy.  We are not standing here not as a couple who is strong, who has all the answers, who has pulled ourselves out of the pit of despair.  We are still broken, we still doubt, we are still weak, we still lament, we still get angry, we still cry often, we are sad and miss our boy every single day.  But we still have hope, and no matter how small it is at times, that hope keeps us moving forward and gives our family an eternal perspective that is a lasting treasure.