EULOGY

Ellen Rose O’Brien 

September 17, 1988 – February 18, 2024

Read By Catherine and Sarah O’Brien      

Today, we have been brought together by the love and profound sense of loss we all feel for 

Ellen Rose, a woman who touched the hearts of so many in her short thirty-five years of life. It is easy to focus on the length of her life and the cruel disease that cut it short, but Ellen is so much more than the cancer she bravely fought. As I sifted through the many tributes left for Ellen, the fullness of her life is obvious. Those who knew her best describe her as radiant, smart, inspirational, determined, joyous, welcoming, warm, brave, quick-witted -  a true force of nature. Ellen was all of this and so much more. In many ways, Ellen modeled her life after the main characters of the books she held so dear. 

So now, in the time we have remaining, let me tell you The Storied Life of Ellen Rose.  

**And don’t worry this is the cliff notes version** 

Chapter One: The Miracle Daughter  

Ellen came into the world September 17, 1988 to two parents who wanted her more than anything. Her arrival ended years of frustration and sadness after the loss of our parent’s firstborn Brigid – Ellen was quite literally a bundle of joy. They named her Ellen Rose. Her first name paying homage to the McKenney matriarch from who she inherited some of her best qualities. Her middle name, Rose, a fitting nod to the hope that Spring’s first blooms bring after a long Winter.   

She was a bright, inquisitive child whose hoarse voice foreshadowed her old soul. As she grew up she revealed herself as funny and kind with an earnest sense of right and wrong. Her personality mirrored so many of our parent’s characteristics like Mum’s empathy and Dad’s steadfast work ethic. Perhaps most importantly, she inherited our parent’s indomitable, fighting spirit. 

As the eldest daughter, Ellen was responsible for introducing our parents to a number of firsts – first kindergarten graduation, first father-daughter dance, first dates at the door. She handled all of this with grace and a disarming sense of humor that couldn’t help but put our parents at ease. She also tested them in a number of ways – but none egregious enough that a well-timed quip couldn’t solve it. Her existence was a bright spot, lending strength to mum and softening dad particularly as she was the only one who could get him to enthusiastically sing show tunes.  

Her relationship to my parents remained a constant source of inspiration and comfort for Ellen. Even as a child, she appreciated the pivotal role she played in our family as the eldest daughter. I believe this profound understanding of her importance in my parent’s life is where she drew strength during her hardest battles.  

Chapter Two: The Loyal and Loving Big Sister 

Ellen took her role as a big sister very seriously. With Ellen’s guidance, Sarah and I had a childhood filled with imaginary adventures, enthusiastic singalongs, movie marathons, and latenight shenanigans. One day we would be fighting pirates in Neverland, the next Ellen would be orchestrating a sister variety show filled with choreographed dances and musical numbers. She extended her imaginary world to more than just Sarah and I but also to all of our friends. Her creativity and inclusivity made her the sought out honorary big sister of our circle.  

As we all got older, our relationship as sisters evolved but did not lessen. Secrets were always safe with Ellen and she never used anything said in confidence against you. She relished inproviding advice in matters of the heart and friendship. She celebrated all of Sarah and my accomplishments – no matter how big or small. A promotion at work or graduation held the same importance to her as a swim meet or ballet recital. She had distinct insight into both of our personalities and accepted us as we are. Perhaps, there is no greater example of this than in the last letter she wrote me which ended with “may you never be too hard on yourself”. 

Ellen was the consummate big sister. On one of her final days on this earth, a nurse asked her how she was doing. She wrapped one arm around Sarah and one around me and responded, “I’ve got my sisters with me, what could be better”.  

Chapter Three: The Fierce Friend 

Ellen had friends old and young and once you were lucky enough to be counted as one of her friends, your life would never be the same. Ellen valued friendship above most things. She took enormous pride in the relationships she meticulously maintained whether they were friendships of three months or thirty years. She always made time for the people in her life. This meant never being rushed off the phone or being made to feel as though distance was a barrier. Age was never a deterrent to friendship with Ellen and she was as likely to be friends with a young coworker as an elderly patron of the library.  

If friendship is an art, than Ellen is it’s Van Gogh. She had the uncanny ability to make you feel like you were the most important person in her life. A casual discussion of an interest or food preference, would make a permanent home in Ellen’s memory. From its first mention, you could guarantee themed gifts on birthdays and your favorite snack whenever you visited her home. She took great care in gift giving and card writing because she understood the power of every gesture – big and small. During her last trip, she carefully thought through each souvenir she purchased so that it would perfectly suit it’srecipient. Even in the twilight of her life, she thought of her friends and the joy that she could bring them.   

Take a moment and look around you, the people in this room today are a testament to the love and care that she poured into every friendship she had.  

Chapter Four: The Kindly Stranger 

Ellen lived her life with a contagious joy that spread to everyone who she came into contact with. She was rarely in a bad mood in public and greeted everyone from the mailman to the mayor with the same smile and “hello”. She was patient and friendly and always happy to lend a sympathetic ear to an aggrieved patron at her work or a stranger on public transport. Ellen’s positive presence drew people to her and they left their interactions with her a little lighter and a little happier. Because of this, strangers were few and far between in Ellen’s life - once Ellen decided she liked you, she treated you as an old friend.  

Chapter Five: The Adventurous Spirit  

Ellen was adventurous at her core. She was a voracious reader whose imagination would run wild after finishing her latest novel. This inspired a number of interesting hobbies and pastimes including chocolate sampling, archery, musical theater, sailing, and fencing. Unlike most people, Ellen put her full heart into every new pursuit. When learning to fence, Ellen would stand engarde holding her invisible weapon and advance nimbly around the house chasing an imaginary adversary. She loved to travel whether to London or Ocean Point and if you were travelling with Ellen you knew you were all set (thanks to her extensive packing and snack bag). Her love of musical theater could not be contained and she would frequently break into song on her way home from the bus stop. Ellen’s artistic talents came in the form of mixed media paintings each one attended to with love and care – so meticulous that you would find a new detail upon every examination.  

Her intrepid spirit extended to more than just her hobbies. She was quick to say yes to any new challenge or adventure and had an audacious approach to everything she did. Ellen believed she was unstoppable, that her limits were just obstacles that needed to be worked out and overcome. And that is what truly made her so magical. Her confidence and fearlessness not only made her an adventurer, they also emboldened everyone she met.    

**Pause** 

We thought we would have decades to share in the chapters of Ellen’s life but God stepped in and called her on to a new adventure. One where she doesn’t have to be so strong. They say you only really die when someone says your name for the last time. I truly believe that much like her favorite literary characters, Ellen will outlive us all. People will be speaking her name for decades to come as she continues to live on in the adventures of our memories.