On Wednesday I had a full hysterectomy, a tumor removal, bladder scrapping, and removal of the endometriosis. I got to talk with my doctor's assistant about how the surgery went, she said they removed the tumor, they had some lesions, and the endometriosis was everywhere. She said they are confident that they got everything and her and I talked about the next steps in my journey. We will wait for the pathology reports and then go from there. Over the next several weeks I'm supposed to take it easy and rest and she told me that means I have to actually listen. 

So the actual surgery left me with 5 more surgical incisions, with stitches that will go away ( i think liquid stitches but I don't remember) and I have stitches in my vagina, They did the surgery laparoscopically as this was the best option, and then took everything out through my vagina, So I am in a lot of pain and this has been very uncomfortable. My surgeon did the bladder scrapping after the tumor removal as well as removing some lesions as a preventative and to be proactive, so anything that looked suspicious they took out. The bladder scrapping helps with ensuring no cancer cells are left.  We have found some pain meds that work better and as long as I take my anti-nausea meds with it, I have been able to tolerate them. I have had more shoulder and neck pain but I think that's due to not being able to sleep the way I normally sleep. 

So I am now on Day 5 post surgery and I will be honest it's been very hard. Emotionally i have had some moments of frustration and weakness and surgery is hard. I haven't even really begun to process what this surgery meant other than we got all cancer out. I think processing the loss of being able to carry or have babies will come later. Right now I feel so overwhelmed with just the day-to-day and trying to take care of myself that I haven't really thought about it.  I am able to get up and move around, I can walk around fine, the getting up and down is harder and I learned it's very hard to lift my legs. You don't think about how much an abdominal surgery will impact your ability to do things. 

I am home by myself and the girls are taken care of which has been great minus I miss my babies and I often get lonely and then feel overwhelmed with emotions. I am totally up for visitors and would love the company. I have been trying to journal and color, and rest. 

I really appreciate everyone's prayers and those who have checked in. This has been very emotionally and physically hard and those check-ins mean the world to me.  A few people have asked how you can help while I am recovering, my work family set up a meal train which is extremely helpful as the girls will be coming home today and I can't really cook for them. I also have a go fund me set up that will help with paying bills and medical bills. Unfortaunly I only had one week of PTO left and the rest of this time unpaid time off for me. I'm hoping to be back at work in two weeks (fingers crossed). I also have an Amazon wishlist of some activities for the girls as they will be bored with mom and we won't be able to do activities and things for a while. And your prayers and checks in are always soo greatly appreciated!! I cannot thank everyone enough for all the love and support over the last 16 months! Also, look at my hair, and it looks like i might be getting chemo curls this time (I've some hair that coming in curly)  I know God has a plan and I trust his plan with this surgery and now we just wait for those pathology reports! 

Meal Train- https://mealtrain.com/7ew692

GoFundMe - https://gofund.me/edfb4583