"Greetings! You now join our regularly scheduled programming."

This morning, while out walking the dog I received a call from my mother, this is how I start many of my days:

"Live from the parental newsroom, we bring you our very own woman on the scene, Jane Marsh, with the daily rectal report. Jane, what can you tell us about the situation out there?"

"Well... from where I'm standing, I cannot fully access the commode with the temporary elevated toilet seat with arms you have installed to help your dad leverage himself up and down before and after an evacuation. Would you be able to stop by and lower it just a bit so my feet can reach the floor?"

"No problem, would you like to describe for our viewers consistency and frequency of any abdominal meteorological phenomenon occurring? Should I bring an umbrella when I head over there?"

Not to make light of the seriousness of Dad's health issues but no where in the Manual of Humanity are we informed that there will be points in our lives when the preoccupation with basic corporeal activity will take such prominence on our plate (Yes... that is perhaps a poorly placed figure of speech considering the subject of this post, but I'm just gonna leave it there on the plate for all of you to just ponder for a moment, enjoy...)

Dad is continuing to recover from the intestinal bacteria that so derailed his recovery in the last few weeks. He is regaining his strength if perhaps his attitude flags at times. The elevated seat in the bathroom is due to his having pulled something in his shoulder. Can we not just give the man a break please?! Hopefully it will heal soon.

Last week Dr Catlett reduced the dosage of the antibiotic Dad is taking for C diff in the hopes that he can be gradually weaned from it. He also told us that Dad's white blood count was so high prior to his hospitalization that it really is a miracle he is still alive. Thanks to all of you keeping him in your thoughts, and thank you Susan Cole for supplying the armed toilet seat (missile launcher not included.)