Friday post 

How do we achieve happiness and endure suffering?

These are my observations and what has helped me past six months in the fight.

I think most of us understand that the key to happiness is an attitude of gratitude. Being grateful for what and who we have in our lives. And by not focusing on the lack or any perceived lack. 

"It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor." - Seneca 

One of favorite movies/true stories is Apollo 13 - what on the spacecraft is good? We know what doesn’t work. We have to look at it from that perspective. This is the attitude that got the Apollo 13 astronauts home from the moon. We tend to focus on the negative or what are we lacking. What’s the thing that is seemingly going wrong in front of us? That’s our human nature. We have to fight against this to see the bigger picture. Trust me, I know. When you’re in the fight, when you’re on the ground with blood and tears dripping down your face you may not see the bigger picture.  Just put your head down and get back up again. Again, trust me. In the past six months there were very very dark days when I didn’t see a glimmer of light or a very, very small glimmer of light. My sister and my brother are both in the throes of battling cancer, my elderly parents falling apart at the same time. (I’ve tried my best to document the process, highs and lows as a journal to myself but also if it can be of any help to anybody else )But many blessings have come out of this that I didn’t see at the time. The same applies to you.

As high achievers and driven people we tend to focus on the next goal ahead of us. I’m a student of Stoicism. As such, I try to focus on the present but we’re always looking forward. I try not to look back too much, but looking forward too much is also just as unproductive. As I was driving to go to Doug yesterday and I had the epiphany of all that he has overcome. He wasn’t supposed to be here. The odds of him surviving emergency brain surgery were not very good. Then the diagnosis of terminal brain cancer,  glioblastoma, they gave him weeks or a month to live as a vegetable. Doctors and the experts told us that his brainstem was compacted, which means he won’t be able to breathe on his own, he won’t be able to swallow, he won’t be able to eat real food, he certainly won’t talk, and your brother as you knew him is dead. Given the diagnosis I understand this dire prognosis. Even if you overcame all of this, which he won’t, they said, then you have to battle highly aggressive terminal brain cancer. Nevertheless, Doug fought  and now can certainly breathe on his own. He certainly can talk to the chagrin of many 😉, he can eat and  he can drink. Mobility is the thing that I was focused on for him. Still am however,

Again, I had an epiphany driving to see Doug yesterday and I told him this about one of our favorite movies, Apollo 13. The key point in that movie (true story) is we know everything wrong with the ship, but what on the ship is still good? Let’s focus on that and let’s get the crew home. Doug is Apollo 13. We’re working on getting him home.

I was obsessing on the next goal, walking, but then I realized to the fact that my brother is still with me. And it’s him.  He remembers and we can have conversations. When he was in emergency brain surgery I said if I get one more day with my brother, I’ll be grateful. Never in my wildest imagination I believe we would be here six months later, talking about  him walking and coming home. The road is still laden with many obstacles, but such is life. C’est la vie.!  

As Doug says every day is a fight. Keep fighting. One more river to cross!!

PS - here is a repost of a few of the things that Doug has overcome in the last six months:

- Massive brain tumor and hemorrhage

- Late stage highly-aggressive terminal brain cancer, glioblastoma (days, weeks or a month to live)

- Slipped into a coma

- Resection of a large portion of his brain containing the tumor

- Blood clots everywhere in his body, including a massive one in his brain & lungs

- Pneumonia

- UTI that triggered sepsis (70% of people that die in hospitals die from sepsis)

- Covid while he was still recovering from all the above

Again, as Doug says every day is a fight. Keep fighting. One more river to cross!! So many crossed thus far!