I’m in more of a routine, knowing what to expect with each 2 week cycle.  My oncologist is also having me be more proactive with my cramping and diarrhea meds.  I take them on a scheduled basis…not reacting to symptoms as I have done in the past.  

And while I started this 2 week cycle with more good days, and was able to have Madeline at home for about 5 straight days, it doesn’t take away the horrible pain of the last couple days…and that my GI issues are back, back again. 

The cramping is so intense that I’ve needed painkillers the last 2 days.  It’s not comfortable to sit.  I either want to stand or lie down…trying to avoid positions that make my stomach crunch.  

The loose stools and diarrhea are back.  As is the cramping.  My ability to sleep is poor.  I feel like a zombie.  Even without the painkillers, I don’t feel alert enough to drive.  My mom has picked me up for Diana daycare the past 2 days.  

I even had scheduled infusions for Tuesday afternoon and this morning.  But because I was already super crampy prior to this morning’s IV, it wouldn’t have mattered to my pulsating abdomen.  It’s not an instant result.  I was beginning to tear as I left the hospital and started sobbing once in my car.  I had to get my sobs under control so that I could drive home in the rain.  (Luckily my mom met me at my house, to transport me the rest of the way to their house.  I cried in her car too).

I know I’m more than half way done.  I know I’m my heart that I will beat this.  I know that my symptoms stayed at bay longer this round.  I know I’ve had more energy to play with Madeline.  I know, I know, I know…but the lows each round are so low.  

I just need to vent and get through the next couple days.  And then my scheduled good days should be here over the weekend.