It has been 9 days since Desmond was called home. I have been wanting to just sit and collect my thoughts which has not been easy to do. It is still hard to believe that he is no more. Sometimes it feels like a dream from which we would all wake up eventually and everything will be okay.  There will be no cancer and no pain. 

While it was inevitable we still clung on to the 20% survival chance that was given. The cancer had spread from the L. axilla, arm, forearm to his spine (most of the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine), pelvis, femur and lungs. He had started to have headaches, blurry vision and numbness on his face as well. We saw his body consumed by cancer every single day. Desmond was very aware of his condition and I remember him saying that little by little a lot is happening. He was disheartened that only palliative treatment could be given. He was upset that there was no cure for this dreadful disease at this point. He had texted me on September 24th saying how the doctors wanted to decrease his chemo dosage as they thought his body will not be able to handle the planned dosage. He said in spite of all this he is still okay. He said he is healed and he will not let the enemy put doubts in his head. His last message to me was," Love you too di". (di-didi- elder sister). We had another chance of video chatting on September 26th night (India time). He wished my daughter a happy birthday. He said he was short of breath but he was okay. I told him he looked good and I like the shirt he is wearing. I told him I love him and told him to keep fighting. 

The last few days he was not able to walk. A day before he passed away he had walked! He had even preached during their daily family prayers on 26th night even though he was short of breath. He said that God has healed him and told his mother that they will go home tomorrow. He asked for his earphones to listen to songs after that and slept.

He slept forever.

It is comforting to know that he did not struggle at the end and transitioned peacefully. He won his fight. He went to a much better place. He is healed! There is no cancer. There is no pain. 

Titu, my brother you will be missed every day of our lives. Cancer only took you body but it could not take your soul. Your soul is right where it belongs. You have been reunited with your father- a reunion we had hoped would happen many, many years from the present time. Nevertheless, it happened much sooner.

You fought well and you fought right. You faith is an example for us all. Till the last minute you were claiming God's healing on you. It is not the kind of healing we as humans can understand but it is the healing that God had planned for you. 

Even though it is very hard to fully comprehend everything that happened in the last 9 months, we get comfort in knowing that one day we will see you again.

I will treasure each message you sent me during your 9 month fight. Some happy messages and some sad messages. Some messages without hope and some full of hope. I will cherish all the memories we have of you. All the childhood memories. You were and will always be my little cousin. I will always remember how you would light up the room anywhere you went with your personality. How you made everyone laugh with your jokes. How you grew from a little boy into a man who loved his God and family. How you took on the responsibility of taking care of your family at a very young age when your father passed away unexpectedly.

You lived your live to the fullest in spite of all the challenges it presented. You lived big! 


Until we meet again.

Love forever,
Didi