It’s hard to believe it’s been one year since we said our final goodbyes to our wife/mom/nana/friend. Somedays it feels like we just barely made it through this past year. I wish I had some beautiful words of wisdom to share about healing or moving through grief, but I certainly do not. There isn’t a band aid big enough in the world to heal this wound. I know we are lucky to have such deep grief, because it means we shared deep love.

We are grateful for the daily reminders of our wife/mom/nana; she is constantly with us and she makes sure we know it. For us, she shows up in the form of rainbows, hummingbirds, purple cars passing by, and flickering lights. When she was sick, we had a conversation about her “messing with electricity” to let us know she was still with us. And let me tell you, it happens all the time. I wanted to share a memorable story about this... Recently, Fredd, the girls, and I were at the cabin in Howard, Colorado. This was an absolute favorite get-away spot of my mom’s. It was our first time there without her and when I tell you she was there, I mean SHE WAS THERE. Throughout the weekend, different lights would flicker… first in the living room as we all sat down together just after we arrived, then a lamp, outdoor lights, bathroom light, kitchen light… it was amazing. By the end of the weekend we were laughing at how hard she was working to make sure we knew she was there. I’m not sure I would have been a believer in such signs before she passed, but I sure am now. As we pulled away to head back to Denver, we passed a huge purple semi-truck not even 2 minutes from the cabin. This was truly a special memory and we'll all remember it forever.

We survived all the “firsts” without her this past year. I think Thanksgiving hit me the hardest. I missed her more than ever that day. But we made it through… and we laughed as my dad pulled burnt buns out of the oven and laughed again when I couldn’t quite get my grandma Ginger’s gravy right (it was always a team effort). In case you didn’t know, my mom was a sllllllight control freak and barely let us help when it came to our Thanksgiving meal. But this year, we had fun joking about how disappointed she probably was with our performance. Though I will say, Lucas and Theresa made a killer pumpkin pie and my dad’s turkey was delicious as always. We carried on some “unpopular” traditions: Mike made cranberry sauce for one (because they were the only two who would touch the stuff!) and I made my mom’s sweet potato casserole despite everyone else’s objection to it. Though she wasn’t there to share in the meal, we could again feel her presence in each moment. Each one of our “I’m thankful for…” speeches focused on the deep love and strong family my parent’s created for us. I can truly say I was lucky enough to have the best dang parents in the world.

My dad is settling into retired life: golfing, traveling (he and Lucas went to Portugal in February), and keeping busy with his new found handy-man gig. Lucas and Theresa are gearing up to move to Lafayette, Colorado which is exciting for all of us. I’ve been trying to get him to move to Colorado for 15 years and IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING! Jocelyn, Sasha, and I are staying busy with work/school, soccer, dance, theater, and friends. Aaand, I'm gearing up to turn 40 in June, yikes! We’re all looking forward to our annual vacation in Big Pine Lake, Minnesota again this summer. And my dad and I are taking the girls to Disney World in September. Nana and Papa always promised they’d take them, and Papa is happily holding to that promise. We plan to share Mexican food and margaritas (my mom’s fav) in her honor tonight, I hope you’re all doing the same. She would expect nothing less 😊

I’m thankful that our hearts are starting to mend, though we know they will never heal completely. Thank you again for helping carry us through the most challenging times of our lives. We are forever grateful for the support of our family and friends.

Thank you for loving our wife/mom/nana. And thank you for loving us too!

❤️Ashley