If you found your way to this site, you likely already know "my story" from my posts on FB. I will continue to have my updates post to FB, but I was asked by a few folks to set up a site here where it would be easy to get updates and see the entire thread in one spot. When Mary Hunter offered to help set up the site, I, of course, said "absolutely"! So, here we are at Caring Bridge with an opportunity to update my crazy adventure over the past 4 months. Thank you for being here with me.
Despite having survived 2 cancer diagnosis, I was certainly not prepared for the news I received at the beginning of July. I have 2 different blood cancers which are not allowing my body to create healthy blood cells. All of the tests showed that the cancers are in full swing which compounded with the genetic mutations that were discovered, indicate that the only "cure" for these cancers is a bone marrow transplant, and at that, the predicted success rate is 40 - 50%. In the meantime, we will fight the cancers with two different chemo-therapies and to try to make some improvements in my blood cell production. This process, along with the cancer itself makes it impossible to work, so I immediately had to resign my new job that I loved. What? How can this be happening? Oh, and every week or so I will have to have a blood transfusion of platelets, red blood cells or both. Really? Who's crazy idea is this??
As if that news was not bad enough, over the next two months, I spent 7 weeks in and out of the hospital, with unexplained fevers and bizarre conditions that required 2 pretty serious abdominal surgeries. My cancer treatment was put on hold while we addressed these crazy medical detours which left me ragged, fatigued and 20 pounds lighter. Not great condition to be in when you are prepping for a bone marrow transplant (BMT)!
The rug has firmly been pulled out from under Tom and me, lamps and tables loudly crashing into the corners of the rooms. The cacophony is shocking and more destabilizing that anything we have experienced. But, once the noise stops and the shock wears off, we are left with the awareness that this is our new reality and the more quickly we accept it, the easier it will be to move forward. My primary job right now is preparing myself for the BMT - putting on weight, getting some strength back, continuing with the chemotherapy and doing all I can to maintain a positive attitude. This means accepting the fatigue, being as creative as I can about eating, getting a little activity, even when I don't want to and digging deep for the faith and the strength to move forward. I can't even think about the things that I feel I "could "or worse, "should" be doing at this point in my life. If I can not get to the BMT, there is no future for me. That gets your attention! This is my opportunity to learn to focus and commit to a path in a way I have never had to do before. So, I say, let's do it! Let's invest the time, energy, pain, inconvenience and whatever else to make this happen. I now know at level never before experienced that I am not done yet, I have too much love to share, too many experiences to enjoy and too much to give back to my community and this planet. I am going to give this path my best shot, and surrender to the outcome.
I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that I have received since my diagnosis. This love has helped lift me up and sustain me through these challenging days. Thank you all for the well wishes , wonderful gifts and healing energy sent my way. I have been touched and inspired by each one of you. I hope you will continue with me on this long journey - with all of you by my side, we will come out the other side - healed and vibrant, shining our light bright on this world.
Here we are at a new milestone together. Today is Deb's birthday. It's also one day short of 4 months since she left us. Many things have transpired since for each of us which reminds us that life continues for all those that remain.
I'm not likely to continue to commemorate all the upcoming milestones or Holidays or who knows what else with an entire community. We all have our own journeys and ways to keep Deb's light glowing for years to come and to pass it on to others through our actions. We are all forever connected as a result of having shared time on this planet with Deb.
My love and sincerest gratitude to you all for opening your hearts to me while I grieve perhaps a little more publicly than most through this platform and when we have spent time together. Thanks to your support over all of these months, I have every confidence that I will find more and more peace and eventually joy as my journey continues.
I raise my glass to you all, and to my incrediblewife .
Skål,
Tom
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." Epictetus
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