Journal entry by Dotti Heydt —
To adjust to this new life that is now mine, I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new activities. They fill my time and are challenging as I try to think in and live a life that has taken a new direction.
Among them is dragon boat paddling. It’s hard, really hard. Especially on a body that is very slow to recover from a year of care giving. Despite how arduous it is both physically and mentally, I keep plugging (or perhaps I should say paddling) along. No one, except for one colleague and friend, knows anything about my loss. It’s my choice not to share. I get to forget for an hour.
Tonight was a beautiful night to be on the river, especially after all of the rain and cold. As we paddled downstream, I felt like I was finally starting to get the rhythm a bit more. We turned around to go back up to the boathouse, and the coach pointed out the setting sun over the skyline of Philadelphia, the city my love called home. It seemed at that moment that the river, with the sun reflecting on the water making it almost golden, was a path which led right to that horizon. We stopped to rest for a minute, and I was able to take it all in, including the emotions that were welling up inside me. Then, there it was, just to the right of the setting sun. A beautiful, billowing cloud angel, wings spread wide, and shaped like David. Even the head reminded me of him. I whispered to no one really, , “Does anyone else see the angel?” The woman in front of me heard me because I saw her look up. She turned around to tell me that, yes, she indeed did see the angel. It was a monumentally overwhelming, breathtaking, visceral moment for me. Even if I had my phone with me, I would not have been able to capture that scene, yet it will stay vividly in my mind and on my heart for a long, long time.
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