Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you enjoyed your holidays and are doing well in the new year.  Except for one important development, for the last few months my medical situation has been stable, so I found myself taking a little pause on updates and focusing on the holidays.  I deeply appreciate the support from you all, and I hope my recent radio silence didn’t cause any concerns.

Late Oct.:  Good scan results but biopsy found intruder cells in rectum.

At the end of October ’23 I had my now-standard 2 MRI’s and a CT scan, plus the second colonoscopy I’ve ever had.  Oct. ’21 was my first colonoscopy, which started this whole medical journey. 

When I awoke from the colonoscopy this past October the doctor informed me that they did not see any tumors in my rectum.  I was so relieved and happy, and I started to tear up.  I’ve found that I do a pretty good job not worrying when I’m getting scans or colonoscopies because worrying is not going to change the results you receive a few days later.  But when I heard that the colonoscopy did not show any tumors, I realized that I had been carrying a lot of stress about this colonoscopy due to the head-spinning results I received after the first time I had the procedure.

In addition, the MRI’s and CT scan showed no tumors in my rectum or liver and showed that the tumor in my lung had not grown since the prior scans in July.  It appears that the chemo pills are keeping things stable! 

The colonoscopy doc also said they took a tissue sample from the scar where the rectal tumor used to be so they could do a routine biopsy.  I was feeling pretty good about this, but days later I got the disappointing news that the biopsy identified some intruder cells are in my rectum.  They’re too small to see on a scan or colonoscopy, but they’re there.  This means that I will likely have to have my rectum removed at some point.  Since day one of this journey, the idea of removing my rectum and the associated issues is something I’ve really wanted to avoid. 

I’ve now had some time to let this sink in.  It’s a bummer, but there are worse things to deal with in life.

(Perhaps most distressing, in May a flex sig (aka camera-up-ya-butt) procedure resulted in photos of the inside my rectum that were beautiful, pink, and tumor-free, but the October biopsy dashed my plans to feature such a photo on our Allen Family holiday cards.)

Wait and See Approach

My oncologist said that we’re now taking a “wait and see” approach.  Hopefully the chemo pills will continue to keep things stable, but if tumors flare up in my rectum, my liver, or my lungs, then we would respond to that development.  They’re not going to remove the rectum right away because you have to stop taking chemo for some weeks before surgery, and this could cause flare ups in my liver or lungs.

This wait and see period of the last few months has been kind of a strange place to be.  Day to day my body feels pretty normal; I sometimes have fatigue and a few other side effects from the chemo pills, but it’s tolerable. But it can be weird to not know what sort of timeframe I’m on for next steps.  At the same time, it’s been nice to be free of any major procedures since May ’23.

A New Level of Mental Attack on the Intruder

It was hard to learn that the intruder had returned to my rectum after my hard-fought battle of a month of daily radiation on my rectum in the summer of ’22 plus weeks of ferocious recovery.  I had a “positive response” to the radiation, and there was no sign of a tumor in my rectum for over a year, so I had been feeling that we had won that battle.   It took a lot of processing to adjust to this new news.  

This was yet another emotional drop on the roller coaster of my medical journey.  Sometimes it has felt  like a boxing match, where you get hit with bad news, but in between rounds you muster up your emotional and mental energy to fight more.   And then you get hit again, followed by another period to recover before the next round.  I’ve been hit with the original stage IV diagnosis, liver recurrence #1, liver recurrence #2, the tumor in the lung, and now the intruder cells back in my rectum, so I’m becoming somewhat well-practiced going through these downs and ups.  (I’m probably forgetting some stuff here!)  Each time – with the help of your loving support – I’ve caught my breath, pulled myself up off the floor, and got back into the fight.  As I say, “I gotta do what I gotta do.”

I’d been processing the news about the intruder in my rectum for several weeks when a new perspective hit me. I was at Fred Hutch Cancer Center getting a now-routine blood draw before I started another 3-week round chemo pills, so I was reflecting all the more on my current situation.

And then it hit me.

When I thought about the intruder coming back to attack me again right where it all started – after I went through that super-painful radiation – I had an epiphany of “That’s IT!!  You [insert the most effective swear words] bastard!  You come back at me after everything I’ve gone through to get rid of you?!! [Insert more bad words!!]" 

It felt like such a low blow.  To continue that boxing analogy, it felt like the intruder came after me in between rounds and bashed me in the back of my head.  It felt like someone had broken into my house, and after I worked so hard to repair the damage and take measures to keep them from returning, they had the audacity to invade my home again. 

I had a surge of new energy to purge this bastard.  I had very clear feelings of, “ENOUGH!!  The gloves are off!  I’m gonna F#$%ing KILL YOU!!!”  To quote someone from my old neighborhood who was once beyond words in their anger, “F#$% YOU, you F#$%ing F#$%!!”

I had always fought this beast with everything the doctors recommended, plus visualizations of the intruder cells dying from the chemo and radiation.  But now I was determined to fight at a whole new level.  I decided I will kill this a$$#o/€ intruder with everything the doctors provide, with a far greater force of mental energy, and very importantly – with joy!   I believe stress is a component of this disease, and I’m embracing joy at a new level to help defeat this enemy. 

So that’s what I’ve been doing.

Oh, and Nice Holidays

The Allens enjoyed our holidays.  Monique is currently living at home after her summer job on San Juan Island, it was sweet to have Ben home for his first long winter break from college, Monique’s boyfriend Andy (whom we like very much) stayed with us in early December, and my awesome brother Bob continued our tradition of celebrating Christmas with us.  I love when our house is full.  

We enjoyed our many holiday traditions, including our always-uplifting neighborhood caroling party.

I discovered I’m a Dog Person and a cat person.

I’ve always been a dog person.  It’s been a no-brainer for me - cats are aloof while dogs are outgoing, goofy, and always happy to see you.  Plus, our many years with our sweet little Snoo solidified my dog person persona.

But I recently learned that I’m a cat person too!  A few weeks ago we welcomed Axl into our house, and I’m really enjoying the vibe he brings into our home.  He’s actually quite affectionate – on his own terms, of course – and very curious.  So far Snoopy and Axl have been getting along nicely.  My family has a dream that they’ll become bosom buddies and snuggle in the same dog bed like all those cute inter-species friendships featured on the interwebs.  I’ll keep you posted.

Until next time, THANK YOU, take care of yourselves, cherish your blessings, and spread kindness.

Much Love,

Dave