Last March 2023  marked 3-1/2 years past Curt's stroke, and I planned on writing a “6 month update” as I had done in the past, but then-, I just wasn’t really inspired, didn’t feel like I had a lot to say, or had a lot to say about things that had improved or changed in his life. Life is busy, as well, and it takes a little bit of time for me to sit down and write, time I don’t really have, but I made a commitment to myself to send something on the 4-year anniversary of his stroke which is September 15.

I kind of thought that things would get easier as time went on, and of course some things have. But the reality is hard. I think at one time, we had hopes of what might be:  better use of his arm, more speaking, a stronger desire to improve. Now, we are more resigned to the life we have– and that’s good, and sometimes not-so-good.

It’s good that we have adapted to life as we know it. That life is a blessing and I’m kind of proud of us, and grateful to God for guiding us through our day-to-day, and teaching us things we never thought we would ever even need to know.

We have developed strategies that work fairly well for a person who has no use of his right hand– When he gets ready each morning, he uses a flat toothbrush that won’t roll when he tries to put on toothpaste (the toothpaste with a flip top lid and the best kind we have found that is easiest to use with one hand), takes his medicine from containers with a push-button lid, uses shampoo with a pump dispenser, puts on one of five pairs of the same kind of elastic-waisted pants, and a loose-fitting shirt that does not have buttons. Buttons, belts, buckles, shoelaces, twist lids–most kinds of lids–, Ziploc bags,...so many things that are surprisingly difficult to do with one arm and hand, have been adjusted and adapted so that Curt can make his day work.

Although speaking, reading, writing, and even some listening skills (all communication) have been affected due to his aphasia and apraxia, we always have a white board or a pad of paper nearby so that he can at least try to draw a picture of what he is trying to communicate. He’s pretty good, but we sometimes find ourselves laughing  when we are playing “Life Pictionary” and trying to figure out what the pictures actually are that he is drawing.   I use hand signals, especially to show numbers, to help get my messages across to him. He totally understands numbers in written form, but not spoken. HIs math is excellent (better than mine) but that’s about it on things that have not been affected “academically.”  

Although he loves our friends, he is not a big fan of a lot of socializing for obvious reasons. He has a lot of opinions and a lot of things to say, and I think he is embarrassed when he cannot express what he wants to say. He’s uncomfortable with how he looks when he walks, and can’t usually relay his own order to a server in a restaurant. But he will go out once in a while when we have the opportunity with friends. About every week and a half we go out to eat with a couple of good friends. It is hard for him to be with people who haven’t seen him since the stroke. He doesn’t want to be pitied, and I think it is hard for others not to inadvertently relay that feeling when they see their old, tough, big-personality friend who is unable to communicate or physically do the things he used to do. I have had to go to a lot of things by myself when he refuses to go out. I’m okay with it, but I do miss being out as a couple. I have always been so proud that he is my husband (and still am!!), and I don’t like not having him with me by my side. 

I have said before, He is “Still Curt”. He is still extremely loving and caring, and hates that he cannot be the helpful person that he has always been. He still  loves football, watches the stock market, and geeks out on hours of Expedition Unknown and other historical shows. But the area that is mostly Still Curt is how much our kids mean to him. There is nothing he won’t do for them (that he can do). He will (almost) always say yes to doing anything that involves our kids. He can’t be the dad I know he would have been to our adult kids. He would love to be guiding them through “adulting”-- financial advice, helping with house projects, navigating career and faith-based decisions,  etc. And I already mourn the kind of (future) grandpa he would love to have been. But, the kids do not lack for anything in the area of the  love he has for them. There is not a doubt in my mind that our kids know how much he loves them.

Twice a week, Curt goes to the American Stroke Foundation Next Steps program that is held about 4 minutes from our home at Longview Rec Center. It is run by members of the ASF, and various OT, PT, and Speech Therapy students from Rockhurst University. They do activities and games to help with communication and “brain-strengthening,” and physical/stretching activities, as well. I think he mostly benefits from speech sessions that he also has a few times a month through the program. Once a week he still attends an awesome Aphasia Community group. I am in the process of scheduling some therapy sessions at St Luke's East Rehab since Medicare allows him to have 20 visits a year from each type of therapy (OT, PT, Speech). I have felt like he was not as motivated to do therapies on his own from home in the last year, so I think I need to utilize the rehab center. 

I also would like to look into trying to get him to drive. We went out and practiced one time, but his right foot would not lift over to the brake, so he was trying to do right foot on the accelerator and left foot on the brake, but that was really hard for him. Some people learn to drive with just their left foot, but his legs do not fit well enough to allow him to reach the accelerator with his left foot. I am going to try to get him signed up to do an evaluation to see if there is a possibility that he can do the driving school for disabled, but even just the evaluation is extremely expensive. I am concerned about the cognitive skills and response/reaction times needed for driving. I do want to do the evaluation before his license expires in 2025, though. Otherwise, he would have to take a written test, which would be very difficult for him, even with adaptations. I am doubtful he will qualify, but if driving is a possibility that would be a life-changer for us. 

Personally, God has taught me to be more independent. I really don’t have any help in day-to-day things that most people do with a spouse. I am aware that there are a lot of single women and men out there that are also on their own and I am in awe of their independence and strength. I am too proud to let myself have a pity-party when I am lifting heavy things, or trying to resolve plumbing and electrical problems or dealing with  contractors (ugh),  navigating through financial decisions, trying to figure out how to help my adult children when needed, etc– things that Curt did so easily and so well. But, I do have times where I get a lump in my throat, have to take deep breaths, and give my not-so-lovely opinions and words of advice to God.  I am so grateful that He loves me as I am, and gives me grace. I don’t think I’m always that lovable. He is so good to me and somehow provides strength that I absolutely do not have on my own.  He has also given me amazing friends that listen to me talk (and talk and talk)  and just give me so much love and support. I don’t know what I would do without them.

However, everyone has so much going on in their own lives, and they have “couple” activities, and commitments to their own families, and I TOTALLY get that, I really do.  So-  I know that the One I can always depend on through all of the ups and downs, even when my friends can’t be there, or I don’t want to burden them, or I know they just can’t “get it”--is my God. I am so blessed to know Him, and I am so grateful that I was brought up to realize that even when I feel alone, I know deep in my heart that He is with me, getting me through, getting us through. I pray that my kids know that in their lives, and that all of you also do. 

This song has resonated with me lately. Here is part of the song

(Click Here if you want to hear the whole song):

HELD BY YOUR LOVE

And how could I forget all Your promises

All that You've done

I'm held by Your love

How could I forget all Your promises

And all that You've done

I'm held by Your love

I'm held by Your love

When memories come like a plague

With waves of pain rushing over me

There's beauty in the brokenness I've seen

In the middle of my tragedy

You walk right through the fire here with me

You said that You would never leave

And how could I forget all Your promises

All that You've done

I'm held by Your love

How could I forget all Your promises

And all that You've done

I'm held by Your love

I'm held by Your love

Family Update/Prayer Requests/Praises:

• Garrett and Ally are married! The wedding was at the end of May and it was so much fun and so beautiful. They are currently finally celebrating  on their  honeymoon in Greece! They are having fun and enjoying a break from their demanding jobs.
• Kylie is still working in marketing and Brian is still with Head for the Cure. They are heading to Italy tomorrow!
• Kassie made a career change and started working for the Mid-Continent Library system doing consulting as their Security Specialist. She has also recently launched her own safety and security firm! Will has a couple more years in seminary, works for a bank, and is starting a new position on staff at a church in Lee’s Summit. Just to follow sibling-suit, they are also taking a vacation on a cruise at the end of the month.
• My dad continues to live in the basement “apartment” we have downstairs. He still drives, gets out with friends for lunch, and attends church when he can. His overall health is good but he deals with mobility (hip and knee issues) and some other ailments here and there. We are glad we get to have this time with him and have him so close!
• I am still working at my former school three days a week, and working online from home for Sutherlands Product Data Team, part-time. I am hoping that this will pay off as I am trying to save for the years after disability insurance is discontinued. Prayers for guidance on our financial journey, and praise that God has been a wonderful provider even when I doubt that things can work. He always makes a way!
• Curt gets ready every morning for his day of sitting and watching tv. Except for his two days that he goes to ASF for a couple of hours, this is what he does every day. I can’t tell if he is bored, but I can only imagine the monotony he feels by the boredom of his days. He doesn’t really have the desire (or ability) to do many other things, but I know this lifestyle is obviously not the life Curt planned for himself. I am working on getting him more therapy, but that is not “fun.” I just am asking for prayers that we could find something he could do besides television the entire day. And yes, we have tried several things, but they have not proven successful for him. It is hard to do physical activities when one entire side of your body doesn’t work and balance can be a problem, and it is hard to do social activities when communication is almost non-existent. He does use his iPad and scrolls through his phone, but overall, we do deal with a lack of motivation to try new things.
• Please pray for family members and friends that are far from God. 
• My Praise- is that we still have such a wonderful support system of family and friends, and that God continues to be faithful to keep us going strong and to keep us sane (sort of!).  That’s a big task, but not for Him.

Love to all of you. We are grateful for you and appreciate that you even care to "click on the button" to find out what's up in our lives by reading this post.  

I am including some pictures of our family at the wedding in Connecticut! It was a wonderful time for all of us!