August 18, 2022

If you see Carter tomorrow or this weekend and he’s not acting himself, know that he’s on some tough tough steroids that simply make him feel yuck, emotional, and confused. Tonight, he sobbed himself to sleep and never told us anything was wrong. He is hungry and his cheeks are red and puffy, all from the meds. He had chemo Wednesday that affects his legs so while you may see him play hard, he will probably crash or complain later. He's a tough little boy and although these weeks are tougher and when I really dwell on the long term  side effects of his chemo my heart hurts, I am also reminded of God's perfect plan.

Per usual, he rebounds quickly and will feel better by next week--this just happens to be one of the tougher weeks for him, but this only comes every 5 weeks right now and the weeks in between are what we consider great. We will focus on the good weeks he has had and the good weeks he will have.  

Proverbs 4:25-26

"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure."

I know I don’t post much anymore, but at this point we are rolling on with our “new normal” and staying busy with life and being together. Carter has way more good days than bad, which is such a relief. Most weeks, he looks and plays more like himself and when I asked him what the hardest part about school was, his response was "I can't push people as fast on the spinny thing on the playground and I'm still not as fast as I was." He’s in week two of school and I will take this response as that he is doing great so far and remind him that one day those things will come back. I thought Kindergarten was a big deal, but watching that boy walk into second grade to the same sweet teacher his big brother had gave me the greatest joy. Someone the other day complimented his "buzzed" head. He’s even started baseball practice this week with his best friend Wells, which was another joy to watch.  Every time I sigh with exhaustion from being back at work, taking these boys to practice, Carter to Memphis every Wednesday, and all the things that come from being a mom of four, I smile with “it’s August and I’m not in Memphis away from these people and for that I am thankful.” I also can’t help but think, “I couldn’t do this without our friends and family surrounding us and always always always offering to keep kids, take kids, cook dinner, or really do whatever we need at any moment in time, still one year later.

We have made it one whole year (Friday) and I truly cannot believe it. While at times it has lasted forever, it has also felt like it’s flown. So much has changed since that first time we pulled into St. Jude...

-For one, my phone still gives me directions to St. Jude every time I pull up my maps, as if it’s our other home.

-I never thought I would drop off my son to be put to sleep (lumbar punctures), give him a kiss on the head, and go grab lunch in the cafeteria of St. Jude, like we were dropping him off for a dentist appointment. The first time we left him I think I cried the whole time and got an attitude with a security guard who asked me where my screening sticker was while we were trying to find our way back to his procedure room.

-There is major construction and physical changes of St. Jude are even different.

-The nurses and doctors there are no longer just nurses and doctors, they are our friends.

We feel so blessed to have made it through a year with such few complications and have felt your prayers through the journey thus far. This week, I have reflected on ‘that’ week and I have gone through my texts from August 19th, 2021 and found myself sobbing, mostly good tears. The amount of people (many of whom I didn’t respond to-apologies) who reached out to Adam and I during that week is absolutely unreal. The outpouring love from our people was astounding. The prayers people sent were answered and we couldn’t be more grateful for your words of encouragement and gifts during that time. We still don’t know where so many of the gifts, money, and even texts came from—but please know we are so beyond appreciative.

It wasn’t in my plans for my seven-year-old to have cancer last year, but it must have been in God’s plans. With your prayers and support and a relationship with Him, we hope to continue to embrace His plan…

Friday, August 19, 2022, we will celebrate. We will celebrate the first time we were introduced to the most amazing hospital and people you can imagine. We will celebrate a year of healing. We will celebrate more good days than bad. We will celebrate our people who have gotten us through this year. We celebrate our God and all of His blessings.

While we are celebrating, please know that some of our people at St. Jude are not. Please continue to pray for these children and doctors daily, as they are heavy on our hearts, even while we celebrate.