Beloved friends, many of you have seen the update posted by Irisanya about the ongoing evolution of my relationship with cancer and many people have had questions and expressed concerns. So I thought I would do a fuller update for everyone.
In November, there was some indication that the small webbing of tumors in my lungs were growing. At the time, I was not able to make full contact with them in the way that I have been able to with the rectal and liver tumors. My oncologist suggested adding a new medication, Irinotecan to the medications I have been taking 5-FU and Avastin.
I took it and had severe side effects including a fever that hospitalised me for 3 days and starting having rectal pain for the first time. After talking it over with the tumors and doing some healing work with Coyote, who helped me establish contact with the tumors in my lungs, I decided to stop taking the Irinotecan but to continue with the 5-FU and Avastin as well as all the complimentary supports including cannabis infused honey, Manuka honey, turkey tail mushrooms, work with stones with Cybele and many vitamins etc.
In addition I continue to do and welcome magic. The work Coyote and I did especially helped us discover that the lung tumor is a small spider like being who is spinning webs because she is hungry. So I now spend time breathing in virtual flies to feel her in hopes that she will stop growing more webs as she is more satiated.
The Oncologist is not pleased. As you can imagine. The prognosis for people who have made this decision is that the average person lives 6 months after this kind of decision. That includes the folks who live a week or 2 and people who have lived years. Right now, other than feeling increased pain for which I am having to take morphine and dilaudid, I am feeling pretty good. My scans have been good, with now growth in the rectal tumor and DECREASED size of the large tumor in my liver and only very slow increase in the lungs. I am needing to drive less because of the sleepiness I feel from pain meds. I think the pain is because of the shock to the rectal tumor from the new meds. He seems to have clenched up in the shock of it and I feel badly that I didn't have discussions with them before taking that step.
So it feels important for me to be setting up what needs to be set up to make it as easy as possible on those around me which includes gathering my team together including Yule, Willow Kelly, Irisanya, my sister Kim, my daughter Sarah as well as so many others that have been stepping forward. We are working on service and green burial plans as well as refining my will. We have been talking once a month and updated this Caring Bridge site.
But for me, my quality of life feels more important than adding a few months to my life span.
And my conversations and connections with the cancer continue to inform me about our choices as humans and how the evolution of cancer has emerged as we have flooded our environment with new toxins. Life evolves in response to new stimuli. And our conversations are an effort to evolve into co-existence so that we all can thrive. I see the current state of our earth as a climate change that may or may not include human survival. But the earth will continue. Life will continue in beauty and unpredictable tendrils of dancing joy. We will continue, perhaps in other life forms, but continue we will...
And I get that people have feelings about this decision which I am totally willing to listen to.
So Much Love and Gratitude to you all,
Copper
