It doesn't matter how hard I try to prepare myself for the worst case scenarios that can come with each scan, hearing the news that Conor's cancer is back is always completely gut wrenching. The spot that we've been watching for the last few months has declared itself as tumor.   It's like we're back in another bad dream, only to wake up this morning and realize this is still our reality.  It is hard to describe the complexity of my feelings right now.  There are so many swirling around my head and heart and body.  I can just feel the adrenaline of it all as my mind tries to make sense of everything. I am overwhelmed with immense sadness, fear and anger, yet every time I look at Conor, my heart swells with love and gratitude and that tiny spark of hope.  But already, I am exhausted at the thought of what is to come.  Decisions that need to be made.  Risks that will have to be taken.  I know that we can do this again.  There is no other choice.  But it doesn't mean that we want to. 

So for today we might sit and sulk in that heartache that this awful disease brings. And come tomorrow, we will pull ourselves back up and fight with everything we've got.

Thank you for all of your prayers and love and support.  I know that it will carry us through as it always has and we will come out on the other side of this long, dark tunnel.🙏