Time is such a weird thing, right?  Like on one hand it seems like the last year went by so fast but on the other it feels like 5 years of life happened.  

I can still remember getting that call early on Sunday morning from the hospital.  My heart sunk to the deepest depths of my stomach as they explained to me to get there as soon as possible.  The almost 4 hour ride there was mostly silent.  There were no words, just a lot of questions that wouldn’t be unanswered, a lot of tears and a lot of fear. 

I vividly remember those first days just being in a state of shock and disbelief.  The other families we were with in the waiting room had shared their stories and their loved ones were waking up, but ours wasn’t.  That was the absolute worst.  

Cole’s body had to stay in induced coma (on and off) for almost 6 weeks.  Every time they tried to bring him out his body fought it and he needed more time to heal.  He had 3 bouts of pneumonia, 1 of which turned into ADRS which almost took his life.  Every day we would spend at the hospital by his side and finally when we went home at night I would just worry what was going on.  Anxiety would flood in overnight when I waited on hold for the update from the night nurse.  And every morning we’d get up and do it again.  

I learned fast.  To this day I joke that I got my nursing degree from on the job training only.  (J/k nurses- I ADORE you and could never do your job justice).  But I had to- I needed to be in the know at all times.  I showed up for every day of rounds and learned the lingo.  I did the research and asked the questions.  I knew what to look for in terms of signs of emerging.  

And FINALLY, the day or so before he was discharged out of the ICU he gave us exactly what we wanted to see- grabbing and dropping that damn squishy ball will be a memory forever engrained in my mind.  Earlier that week we finally got the MRI and as you remember the doctor was not optimistic at all.  He basically told us to prepare for a nursing home- that’s how I took it anyways.  And by Cole grabbing this ball was the biggest F-U to the MRI we could get.  I often think about how I would have acted differently had we gotten the MRI right away.  Would I have been as blindly optimistic?  Can’t say.  

The first 10 minutes he was at the 2nd hospital, his doctor met him with high optimism.  We couldn’t have been happier.  During his time there Cole started learning to use his hands again, walk, and talk after the trach was removed.  He was fortunate to have a really good therapist who pushed his limits everyday.  Even though he was talking and starting to walk he still didn’t fully come into consciousness until after he left 6 weeks later.  

At Shirley Ryan inpatient he started to emerge into full consciousness and was able to participate in a lot of therapy per day.  He continued to see the biggest strides in physical therapy while speech and occupational were a bit lagging.  I remember watching him attempt to make noodles, sort pills, and make a phone call- all of which were extremely painful to watch.  But during his time there he became a lot more independent and able to take care of his daily needs all on his own.  He was released right before thanksgiving so completed about a 2 month stay.  

After Christmas we headed back to Chicago to get him into Shirley Ryan day rehab where he went everyday.  It was here that over 3 months was able to gain full independence and really excelled in all areas.  His memory was getting a little bit better but one distinct thing I remember is he was never able to remember how to get to and from therapy even though we walked there everyday.  

After his release from day rehab we went to Florida for a month with my parents and he flourished with some down time.  He was weaned off of all his medication, memory started improving, and his ability to navigate to different locations was accomplished (even in an unfamiliar city). During our time in Florida my parents sold there house so we decided to make a fresh start- for us.  We took a chance and rented an apartment in Salt Lake City where neither of us had been before.  We packed up our life and drove cross country at the end of May.  

Since we have been here Cole was able to get a part-time job working at a golf course that is close by.  This job has been the perfect stepping stone to get him acclimated back to a work routine and really gives his a sense of purpose and accomplishment.  He has been working with a personal trainer a couple days per week for the last 2 months and has made amazing strides with his physical fitness.  One thing that has improved tremendously since we’ve been here is his memory.  Everyday his is able to recount the things that happened that day, reference back to conversations or things we said we were going to or get at the grocery store and it is pretty incredible.  He knows how to use his tools more now, like lists and calendars, just in case he needs to double check.  

We were able to get a referral from his primary doctor to attend additional outpatient treatment through the U of Utah which he will start next week.  They will of course have to do assessments across all areas to see where he is at and what he needs the most but one thing we are most excited about is they have a driving program for brain injury patients that starts with a simulator and then advances to a car with a therapist.  

We have been pleasantly surprised with how much we like this city and are seriously discussing staying here for longer than the 6 months we had originally planned.  We love the mountains and the weather here.  We go on lots of hikes and Cole gets to golf whenever he wants.  Cole will likely be done working at the golf course in Sept or Oct just depending on the weather and then is looking to get a job at one of the ski resorts out here- and of course get back on the hill himself (bunny hills as far as I’m concerned for right now). 

We are so grateful and blessed for all that has changed for the better in the last year.  We know how lucky we are and there is not a day that goes by that we forget that.  There are still things that are a work in progress.  Confidence is an area that has room for growth- whether it’s on the job, coming up with the right words, remembering certain things, or completing certain tasks.  He has a hard time being flexible when things change- or when something doesn’t go the way it should.  He is less able to go with the flow.  Finally, we’re both working through some pain and grief accepting what is vs. how life used to be.  

Thank you for being there for us in any and everyday you have been over the last year.  We would not be here today without all of your support, particularly in those first weeks and months.