Claire finished cycle 15 whoop whoop. In Claire fashion she spent most of the stay in the toy room or walking the halls. She officially finished her last VDC round. It was supposed to be a few cycles ago but they still withheld it from radiation. I have many people ask me why she has to do 17 when some only have to do 14. The answer is I don’t know. It's just the protocol that Childrens uses. Every facility does things differently so I just have to trust in her doctor that 17 is the right call. We have been enjoying our time at home spending alot of time outside. Claires anc after each treatment these days have been 0 so we go nowhere. When her anc is 0 we live in more of a bubble then normal but its to keep her safe and to keep her home. We have a date for Rochester but that will all depend on if her treatment ends on time or if not it will get pushed back. But we will just go with it as always. If she makes counts we will head to do her last I/E treatment on Tuesday. 

We officially have started the process to get her on an IEP so she can go to school next year. Until she gets her strength and mobility back along with her bathroom issues she is going to need help in order to attend school. It's a long process but will be worth it so she can go to school in person when she gets the go ahead. My hope is for her to attend in the fall if her treatment ends when it is supposed to. But we will just have to wait and see.  It is going to be hard to try and get the testing done as we bring her around no one when her counts are low. The minute her counts rebound we are right back to childrens getting treatment but they are willing to do what they need to do to try and get it done in time. 

I am really struggling with the fact that treatment should almost be over. As we know the chemo is working well for Claire and got rid of all the cancer in her body. But in reality ewings is sneaky and can come back at any time. I hope Claire is one of the “lucky ones”. I know she can’t live on chemo the rest of her life but it's so scary to me to be done. I talked to her doctor and she said it is totally normal to feel this way. I struggle with the statistics of ewings for her but someone has to be in the good %. I know people who want to be positive and optimistic might not like to read this next part, but in many ways, Claire’s life is ruined.  She’s never going to have a normal childhood again. She’s always going to have side effects from cancer treatment,if she is fortunate enough to keep living. But if she is alive we can handle everything together. We will always do our best to make her life as normal as it used to be but also form a new normal. She doesn’t deserve this. There are some terrible people out there in this world but she is not one of them. Then I ask myself why not the terrible people why did it have to be Claire. I will never ever know that answer. If you ever met Claire she is the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. I wish I could give her her old life back but I can’t and it kills me inside everyday that I can’t do that for her. I pray every single day that this is the only time she ever has to do this cancer thing and she can get back to being a kid. I look at life so differently now. From now on if we have the chance to take a family vacation you bet we will be taking that vacation. We canceled our first family vacation that we were supposed to take in March the day after Claire was diagnosed. Jobs, laundry, dishes, etc none of it matters anymore. You only get one life and you might as well live it. I am going to try and stay as positive as I can but DAMN I am scared shitless.