It's been a while since I have given an update. We have made it to the month of May and now I am out of the 4 week break of no chemo and no radiation. I actually felt worse in the break than I did while getting treatment oddly enough. 

We had a scan and it came back clean and stable. "Still defying all odds," my oncologist said.  Due to the aggressive nature of a grade 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer we must go back on Chemo for the next 6 to 12 months. Many have asked well why do you need that if your scan is clear. The best answer I can give is this. Cancer cells are about as big as the top of a led pencil. Too small for an MRI to see. This type of cancer releases cancer cells in what would look like tentacles throughout the brain. They move around looking for every way possible to split and form groups which then become a mass that can be seen on an MRI when they get large enough. The chemo I am taking now is to try and do everything it can to prevent the cells from splitting and forming clusters of cancer cells to keep from having another mass. With the recurrence rate they have in place an MRI scan every 2 months to look for new recurrences or any changes in the brain. I found out if any part of it lights up I would get another MRI shortly after that which would be a vascular MRI so they can see even smaller. Many have asked well what happens if it comes back. Well, we start over. We go into surgery if it's operable, we go back to radiation and continue chemo. I am hopeful we will not see any recurrence for a very long time. 

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a dream that this couldn't possibly be happening to me. I feel good other than the pain in my joints most days and minor headaches. I am unable to open my jaw fully still as they had to cut through my cartilage in my jaw to get to my skull to get to my brain. Crazy to visualize I know. So that's not normal but I am learning to deal with it.  I don't "FEEL" like a cancer patient or mostly look like one would think I should look like. It causes a lot of mind games as well because I start to feel normal and forget what's going on then I am brought to reality pretty quickly then sadness hits again and it's a repeating loop like Groundhog Day. 

I look forward to my days at the track and at church when I get to see everyone who is supporting me through this and get my hugs from everyone. Some days are really tough mentally. Seems it's harder mentally these days than physically. We get more blood work on the 22nd and start cycle 2 May 28th and that dose is getting doubled again. If my body can continue to fight and handle this chemo as well as it is they may increase more or continue the higher dose for the rest of the cycles throughout the rest of this year. 

So far I am doing well. Much better than anticipated. According to my oncologist months 6, 8, and 12 are crucial. 95% of GBM patients have recurrence or trouble within the first 2 years and less than 5% live longer than 5 years. I may have a time clock on my life according to the data, but I am pretty certain I will continue to defy the odds and be the proof that miracles do happen. I have already started the day they found the tumor in my brain. We have a God that performs miracles, we have a God that heals. Many people say it's to hard to believe in something they can't see. Well, see me. I am the miracle I am the proof that he does perform miracles and continues to heal me what more could you need to see to believe?

I will continue to fight the fight. I am so thankful for everyone supporting me through this. We will celebrate every milestone we hit.