“When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. I just want to get at it slowly, but carefully and thoroughly….”

~R.M. Pirsig “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”

Two months + post-surgery, and my latest checkup has deemed me ready to get back at the regular stuff, though within reason and gradually. This also means time to return to work under the same framework. 

In these 24 hours, I’ve been facing many thoughts racing about my head and heart. As anxious as I am to begin rediscovering “the regular stuff” again, it also brings some concern for how I will manage. The details and tasks required to return to work and realizing the many aspects of work that play into one’s life are sobering. Reflecting on the path to now, humbling. 

These thoughts motivated me to search my feelings and remember to hold on dearly to the mantra that has carried me this far - rest and recovery are work and my primary focus. Not surprising it returned me to the words of Robert Pirsig; I adamantly wish to continue to “get at it slowly, but carefully and thoroughly.”

This will be my last journal entry. I found solace and comfort and motivation here for nearly three months. For those of you who engaged with me here, thank you; you played a role in my arriving to this here and now. I doubt you will truly understand just how significant your support, in your individual way, helped me precisely when I needed it. Just accept that it was and did. 

I cannot end this journey without sharing with you a final hair update. It became ever clearer to me along the way that my hair and scar were more important to me than I originally suspected they would. This was likely a combination of a touch of vanity, a healthy dose of a badge of honor, and a pinch of identity inquiry. Ultimately, the OK was given for a haircut, so a haircut I got.

What a journey this has been, and it continues. Let us not forget the experiences and feelings, high and low and in between. Do not forget how you showed up for me, for Laura, for my mom. We shall not. Ever.