It's been a while. Things have been rough and I've been trying to sort it out...to not much happy news. Medical keeps making mistakes and the field doesn't help you as much as they used to....everything is left to the patient to put together and figure out. When you are someone who's body and brain are failing...this can be even more difficult. Being alone...can also affect things. 
Ive been trying to transfer dialysis centers. Last month, I was told I was granted my transfer...but taken off the list due to no reply. Absolutely no one informed me the transfer was granted. No one. Not my current center or the one whom accepted me. So now, I have to wait all over again. If they even for sure put me on the transfer list. It's upsetting. The center I am at, has been killing my fistula- my vein in my arm created for dialysis treatments. So dialysis has been painful, stressful. I have surgery to try and fix it on the 31st. I may wake up with another tube catheter in my heart and that scares me. I've been having stress induced but full on heart attacks. 
I'm so exhausted, all the time. Dialysis takes too much fluid and I get Diabetic Keto Acidosis. Another situation where my body poisons itself. It's a big struggle.
I've been through a couple caretakers that I don't believe were ever interviewed. One didn't speak English and didn't want to help me. The second person, stole my medicine at home, got a friend to Puck up meds at my pharmacy and she also didn't want to help me. She DID want to be my caregiver due to meds and I have a bunch of crafts. She saw I make jewelry, asked if she could use my materials and keep them, as well as show her how to sell it online. In exchange for work. I felt weird about that because she's already getting paid for that. Anyway. I was out of luck for my meds which caused issues and I fired that agency. 
I have care coordinators that keep changing via insurance and it gets frustrating 
My dad was recently in the hospital and it scared me to death, I was too ill to see him in hospital...
In better news...I'm communicating in small ways with my eldest brother again, whom I miss dearly. He lives across the country and I'm hoping to see him this summer.i miss my mom but I don't even know how to contact her. 
My kitties are well, I love them so much...sometimes I think the only reason I am alive is to feed them 2 x a day and scoop their box.
I really wish there was more to my life than medical...I just don't have the money or energy barely. For anything. And I dislike that. I dislike how the government thinks 150 is enough for a medical diet. It's not. The meals they provide are the worst tasting moldy non nutrition I've ever seen. I've been getting weaker and weaker on them, but it's SOMETHING.
I JUST...wish things were better. I am no closer to transplant than before. Psychiatrists keep quitting on me, or their field. So many left their jobs due to video chats and not knowing how to. Not a ton of doctors available in the first place that can or want to take my case. They all believe I'm just gonna die anyway