Andy's Memorial Service:  Andy's brother Tom is planning it.  

February 22, 2020 at 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. at Meadowdale Middle School - 6500 168th St SW, Lynnwood, WA 98037

This will take place in the Commons. Some food will be provided, additional fingerfood is welcome.

I haven't really been able to write anything since Andy's passing, so many things have happened.  I feel trapped by my grief and supported by friends checking in on me.  Last night I had a dream Andy rose from the dead, it was freaky and life-like.  I see him walking in the yard sometimes.  His ashes are ready to pick up but I haven't been able to go get them, it's just too real but I will go early next week.  I spent week number 1 at home madly painting (with the help of my expert painter mother) and distracting myself with house-chores - this was preferable to my other chores.  Other chores include sitting for hours a the social security office, going to the funeral home to arrange, picking up his death certificate.  You would think the house was clean now, but there is stuff everywhere.  We have also been going through things at Andy's mom's house too.  Another emotional journey I didn't want to take.  I haven't written Andy's obituary yet, that is stressful and I cannot tackle that yet.

Early last week I learned of a tragedy involving a student at Andy's school.  The MMS community, teachers and kids are also being bombarded with tragedy.  My continued prayers for the family of the student lost, the teachers/administrators at MMS, and students at MMS; it's just too much.

This week has been particularly difficult and has definitely added insult to injury.  Some good things over the past 2 weeks... A lovely plant basket received from Andy's principal and his friend Sarah from work, a beautiful flower arrangement from a specialty clinic I love and regularly refer to; many cards, gifts and sweet greetings from friends.  I am super thankful and these lift me up.  I also received a nice card from the EEA (Andy's union).  

I cannot sleep and regularly wake up with chest tightness and panic attacks.  I have spoken to several helpful people that have been very helpful and warm - those include - Andy's boss Joe, Bartells, my doctors office, the state office of SEBB, the union representative (I am sorry but I can't remember your name right now), my insurance broker, the funeral home, Providence and Evergreen Hospice; really everyone but the school district themselves.

Today's crisis pushed me to the brink yet again.  I had a letter from the school district prior stating that health insurance would be good until 2/12/2020.  Andy passed away on 1/25 and they cancelled our insurance on 1/31.  I discovered that I had no insurance yesterday; not by a letter or phone call from the school district, but after a trip to the doctor so I could get some medications to help me sleep.  My natural route to sleeping wasn't helping with my late night panic attacks.  Bartell Drugs informed my I had no health insurance yesterday.  Much to my surprise they cancelled our health insurance without so much as a phone call; no one's responsibility apparently.  I spent today scrambling for information, getting no empathy or help from the school district but was offered an 800 number to call.  I ended up just walking out in anger, nothing good was going to come from my mouth.  I went to the EEA and they did some leg work for me to get more information as I had no appetite to go back and speak to the district.  I was going to go to work today but my mental state has been tested to the brink.  

Things that could have made it so much better.... It would have been great to know that I didn't have insurance before making my appointment, I could have gone earlier as I clearly had satisfied our deductible for the year.  Now I get to suck up the cost and pay cash or it, which I will happily do to avoid the insane COBRA cost.  Had I known, I could have found out about COBRA earlier and discussed with my own insurance broker.  Rather it was a super terrible surprise.  Things that make it worse.... Excuses aplenty about how it was not their job at the school district, that is was the state.  The state let me know that it was their job at the school district.  A pet peeve is when people don't take responsibility for their shortcomings, this was not a little mistake.  It just takes a phone call by someone, anyone.  An EEA representative apologised for not doing this which is, more than likely, not her job but I really appreciated the apology.

Things that make it better... I take time to pray and know that Andy is in a better place.  I know that he would ask me to give people grace.  Andy would always be the nicer one of the two of us when dealing with people failing at their jobs.   I continue to get cuddles from the dog and appreciate every last person who has reached out in any way at all.  The kids and I are trudging through our new normal. I pray people learn from the problems we have faced and do better next time.  In the meantime, I'm working very hard to get back to the office and resume our new normal.  I will return a few days this month, then resume a more normal schedule going forward.  I am very thankful to work for myself these days and I am thankful the kids seem to be doing okay.  One step at a time....