The past few weeks have been very overwhelming in many ways. The news of our diagnosis, treatment options to know it was not curable, the tumor showed no response to the treatment, watching his body slowly deteriorate. I feel numb, sometimes I feel like it’s a bad dream, yet I know it’s very real. I miss him so much. We have experienced the outpouring of love in so many ways. Everyone who has visited, called, texted, brought food,
Prayed, sent flowers, cards, supported the fund raiser, our family has been touched in so many ways.
Our kids have been truly amazing. They have stood by their dads side, prayed for him, and taken care of me.
I would like to reflect on Thursday for a moment. Even though it was a very hard day, it was a good day. There were many people in and out all day & even into the night. People sharing stories/memories of Chad some I knew about but some I didn’t. Me and the kids felt so much love & support from everyone. Also on Thursday Blake & Ashley exchanged their wedding vows at Chads bedside, what a selfless act of love that was shown for Chad. Also on Thursday we had a graduation ceremony for Elizabeth at her daddy’s bedside. Her principal, superintendent, other faculty, as well as her youth minister made this celebration happen. When Chad breathed his last breath it hurt so deep, yet we did not have to wonder where he was spending eternity we knew without a doubt where he was.
I’m beginning to understand the passage of James where he speaks about trials & joy, this season of life has gave us some big trials., it hurts big..really big... Even in this season there was still joy & peace that came from God and only in Him alone.
Chad showed me & our children that there is so much more than me just going to church just being a Christian, it’s a intimate relationship with God. I’m so thankful to him that he lived this daily in our home because for the Barnes family that intimate relationship came from seeking God in His word, prayer, and worship through spending time with Him. The joy & peace comes from that intimacy with God.
I know Chad would want me to pause here & say God loves you just where you are right now. Your past doesn’t matter, what matters is where you are right now with God.
I know we have hard days coming, some harder than others. God is faithful in all things. Please continue to pray for our family. Especially our kids & grand babies.
Even a hard day, can be a good day when God is in it.
God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
I'm caught up in Your presence
I just want to sit here at Your feet
I'm caught up in this holy moment
I never want to leave
Oh, I'm not here for blessings
Jesus, You don't owe me anything
More than anything that You can do
I just want You
I'm sorry when I've just gone through the motions
I'm sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You
I'm sorry when I've come with my agenda
I'm sorry when I forgot that You're enough
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You
I'm caught up in Your presence
I just want to sit here at Your feet
I'm caught up in this holy moment
I never want to leave
Oh, I'm not here for blessings
Jesus, You don't owe me anything
And more than anything that You can do
I just want You
In Christ,
Jennifer Barnes
