A year ago today…. I can play those last moments in my head with great detail and I do… over and over again. Sometimes I gasp for air and throw my hand over my mouth because I am right there. I’m right there. First looking into those beautiful blue eyes saying, “ Hi baby. Your doing great!” Not realizing you were looking at me for the very last time. And then I realized…. we all rushed in loving you and telling you that’s it’s OK. We couldn’t tell you we loved you enough. 7 voices pleading to be heard. “I love you Carson”. Each voice represented so many others.
I stop breathing for a minute and then pull myself together again. Because, I love you.
You were loved Carson. So so loved. By so many.
This year has been so hard. I have struggled to put one foot in front of the other, to laugh, to smile, to keep loving and living. Empowered the whole time with your spirit and zest for living. You were the sweetest, most passionate, loyal, loving boy and man I’ve ever known.
You will always be my first. My first true, unconditional love. My first dream come true. And my first real heartbreak.
I have learned so many lessons this year and I have many more to learn. You are still teaching me so much. You will always be my first and I will never stop remembering you, learning from you and loving you.
I will continue to love Taylor and Emma as fiercely as you have. I will always love and be there for Jenny. I will take great care of Nanna as you always have. And I will love George and Tay as much as you did and smile every time I see them together - knowing that you did that!!!! And so much more!
I love you Carson. Hush little baby…. 🐝🐝🐝
