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May 05-11

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So mom has been in hospice in my apt for about 30 hours.  She's slowly declining.  Her speech is very hard to understand.  She's starting to grab at things that aren't there (to our eyes anyway).  I think the active dying process is starting.  Her eyes are starting to get glassy and she kind of looks past you not at you.  

This is the part of this process I find the most interesting; watching what they are doing, trying to understand who or what they are seeing.   Here's some of the things she's done / said. 

Earlier she tried to get out of bed, said she had to get her hair done before she went home.  She asked how long she was going to be staying here, I said until you're ready to go home.  She responded with "I'd like to go home tonight or tomorrow".  I told her that's totally ok.  

A little while after that she was pointing to an area in front of her and said she saw a little boy.   She wasn't able to tell me what he looked like or who he is.  

She was moving her hands around like she was knitting.  I asked her what she was doing and she said she was getting a bus ticket and then asked me to put it in my pocket.  

She was getting agitated and kept patting her hands around on her blankets like she was looking for something.  I asked her what she was looking for and said her two rings.   She asked if I had them and I knew exactly what she was talking about so I went to my bedroom and got her wedding ring and the ring she got while we were in Alaska.  She wanted them on her fingers, which are pretty crooked from arthritis, but we found a couple of fingers that they actually fit on.  She seemed to like that.  

Shortly after she was moving her hands around again, but in a different way.  I asked what she was doing.  She say "I'm sewing on a button".  I replied "you don't sew buttons, that's dad's job!"  She said, "I know, he's not here".  OMG, I could not stop laughing at that.  It was just so matter of fact! Then she stopped, waved her hand around and said she needed the scissors to cut the string.  So I got a scissors and pretended to cut the string for her.  

She's eating and drinking a little, but not much.  I don't think she'll be eating anything solid anymore tomorrow.  My gut is telling me she will maybe make it thru New Years Day.  

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