Journal entry by Caitlan Reese —
When you read this, it will be Thursday September 1, 2022. I will most likely be cozied up in my favorite chair with my favorite fluffy sidekick, tea-sipping and Netflix-watching away my Thursday. (Thursdays are usually yucky, but tolerable, recovery days) Hence, the early draft.
Friends, family, friends of friends and friends of family, I cannot fully express how much I appreciate you! When I first started this CaringBridge, I was 29, very busy with both teaching and playing french horn, and my biggest concern was probably whether I could wear jeans on my field trip the next day. (Minus the whole cancer diagnosis, of course) This page was a great way for me to share news in an efficient way. It was also really important for me that anyone who heard my news heard it my way. Controlling my narrative was my meager effort to make sense of all the change swirling around me.
I would say within 2-3 posts, this started to be more than just news. Your love, supportive comments, and warm prayers and well wishes made me feel safe! I started sharing my feelings and questions, and it was so therapeutic for me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for allowing me to do that here. I told someone recently that I'm always better on paper than in person- haha! In person, I'm more shy and a little awkward, and usually don't say things as eloquently as I'd like. On this CaringBridge, I rediscovered my love of writing. I can share the best of me in the best way I can, while opening my heart and my life that I probably wouldn’t have shared otherwise. What a sweet blessing to come out of such a crazy experience!
You also know, if you've read along for any measure of time, that there have been SO MANY blessings and gifts and unpredicted sweet moments on this cancer journey. I sure do wish that I could have grown as much just living my normal, predictable life (you know, with the "jeans on a field trip" level of concerns.) 😂 But, "As do all who live to see such times," Gandalf so eloquently said. I will never understand why this had to happen, and I still don't know where life will take me. But I am forever thankful for:
As I write this, I am now 32. I am happily married to my sweet Andrew. I am very busy with doctors and online classes. I do hope that school and French horn can return to my routine one day. My spirit is "new and improved," while God continues to help me love my body, with all its bruises and battle scars. This is post #100. This CaringBridge (as of this moment) has 17,204 site visits (WOW!) and 239 followers. (WOW!) I never would have imagined that so many people would care about little old me, let alone read what I have to say, or keep up with the rambling steps and thoughts of a girl in my corner of the world.
I don't have time to do a "greatest hits" review, but thanks for loving me through diagnosis, moving, treatment, surgery, returning to school, brain tumor days, leaving school again, losing hair, growing it back, losing it again (and let’s not forget my Star Trek haircut) 😂… planning a wedding, HAVING a wedding, and thriving as a metastatic patient in general. I love you all!
I sincerely hope you will all subscribe to my newsletter (Issue #1 went out yesterday!) and read along for my future updates on www.caitlanreesekillian.com. My "grown up blog" is ready to reach as many people as possible, hopefully sharing this story of God's provision and faithfulness wherever it will go. If life goes crazy, and I need to make another meal train or use one of CaringBridge's other special features, I will come back and post it here. So no worries!
Signing off, friends! And see you in the newsletter! 😊
❤️ Caitlan
Friends, family, friends of friends and friends of family, I cannot fully express how much I appreciate you! When I first started this CaringBridge, I was 29, very busy with both teaching and playing french horn, and my biggest concern was probably whether I could wear jeans on my field trip the next day. (Minus the whole cancer diagnosis, of course) This page was a great way for me to share news in an efficient way. It was also really important for me that anyone who heard my news heard it my way. Controlling my narrative was my meager effort to make sense of all the change swirling around me.
I would say within 2-3 posts, this started to be more than just news. Your love, supportive comments, and warm prayers and well wishes made me feel safe! I started sharing my feelings and questions, and it was so therapeutic for me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for allowing me to do that here. I told someone recently that I'm always better on paper than in person- haha! In person, I'm more shy and a little awkward, and usually don't say things as eloquently as I'd like. On this CaringBridge, I rediscovered my love of writing. I can share the best of me in the best way I can, while opening my heart and my life that I probably wouldn’t have shared otherwise. What a sweet blessing to come out of such a crazy experience!
You also know, if you've read along for any measure of time, that there have been SO MANY blessings and gifts and unpredicted sweet moments on this cancer journey. I sure do wish that I could have grown as much just living my normal, predictable life (you know, with the "jeans on a field trip" level of concerns.) 😂 But, "As do all who live to see such times," Gandalf so eloquently said. I will never understand why this had to happen, and I still don't know where life will take me. But I am forever thankful for:
- this loving community (aka- YOU!)
- the advice and help you have given Andrew and I
- the awareness I now have of God's presence
- the discernment to see Him and His handiwork in and around me
- the strength I never knew I had
- the chance to share such a wild metamorphosis with you!
As I write this, I am now 32. I am happily married to my sweet Andrew. I am very busy with doctors and online classes. I do hope that school and French horn can return to my routine one day. My spirit is "new and improved," while God continues to help me love my body, with all its bruises and battle scars. This is post #100. This CaringBridge (as of this moment) has 17,204 site visits (WOW!) and 239 followers. (WOW!) I never would have imagined that so many people would care about little old me, let alone read what I have to say, or keep up with the rambling steps and thoughts of a girl in my corner of the world.
I don't have time to do a "greatest hits" review, but thanks for loving me through diagnosis, moving, treatment, surgery, returning to school, brain tumor days, leaving school again, losing hair, growing it back, losing it again (and let’s not forget my Star Trek haircut) 😂… planning a wedding, HAVING a wedding, and thriving as a metastatic patient in general. I love you all!
I sincerely hope you will all subscribe to my newsletter (Issue #1 went out yesterday!) and read along for my future updates on www.caitlanreesekillian.com. My "grown up blog" is ready to reach as many people as possible, hopefully sharing this story of God's provision and faithfulness wherever it will go. If life goes crazy, and I need to make another meal train or use one of CaringBridge's other special features, I will come back and post it here. So no worries!
Signing off, friends! And see you in the newsletter! 😊
❤️ Caitlan
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