I’m writing this from one of our favorite places, which we’ve referenced multiple times since we started out Caring Bridge journals. Lutsen, Minnesota, on the ‘north shore’ of Lake Superior, holds an extra special place in our hearts as it is one of the places Zach 1st took me to when I visited MN, where we were wed, where we’ve vacationed, hiked, paddled, and skied from. It is also the place we “ran to” right after the girls discharged from the hospital just under a year ago. It’s a place that I had never heard of prior to Zach coming into my life, where the most “Superior” of the great lakes feels the freshest, the bluest, the coolest, the fiercest, and the calmest. Looking out from the couch I am sitting on (as I ice my knee post-skiing…another story for another day) I feel as though I am looking out across the ocean. No end in site, leaving the mind the space and freedom to wander down roads of reflections, of what-if’s, of possibilities, and of dreams of future adventures…

I was never meant to be a “midwesterner”. I imagined myself in the high dessert, or the mountains out west. I also imagined myself having a natural birth, possibly at home, without the support of drugs… I was never meant to go through IVF, to be hospitalized, to have twins who would need months of of medical attention…I was definitely not supposed to spend my 1st year of “mothering” from quarantine, during a pandemic….’stuck’ in the Midwest! Yet here I sit looking out at one of the most beautiful bodies of water I have seen (and I’ve seen some water!), with my dog next to me, my babies napping upstairs, and my husband nagging me about if I’m elevating and icing my knee properly enough to nurse it back to be able to ski again tomorrow. Being here, now, sharing this magical view with my daughters, is not all bad I guess ;-)

Over the past year, among all the things I’ve learned I think the one think I have honed in on the most is my ability to just be ‘here’- wherever that may be. Whether it was Christmas in the NICU, or babies first birthday in a pandemic. I love that my girls get to call Duluth, MN home, and that I get to share this magical place with them.

Currently, the here and now is me sitting on the couch- in Lutsen, writing my last Caring Bridge journal update- which is metaphorically a big deal. This practice has kept me honest, kept me real, and kept me connected over the past year. This space has also been the place I have done the most healing for myself, thus the creation of the Raising Peaceful Warriors website, where I will continue to update, reflect, and have space to heal. As someone who has experienced ‘trauma’ first hand, as well as someone who is certified to professionally work with trauma-survivors, I feel well equipped to speak to the subject:

This is our trauma story, and this is how I am finding healing for myself though this process. I know lots of people who get certificates, who follow procedures, and who seek out “expert advice” to deal with trauma. After this past year, what I have to say is, as long as you can OWN IT, and commit to seeking out what works best FOR YOU to process your own trauma- well, that is all that matters. However, until you can first OWN what you’ve been through, or are going through, it can be hard to process.

Anyway- that’s my own learning, opinion, rant, etc…take it as you will, but I truly believe that as long as you feel good about what you are doing to address the stuff…that’s all the matters.

So, for me, writing has helped me process, so I will continue to do so as Raising Peaceful Warriors. I will continue to share antidotes regarding the girls growth both physically and emotionally/mentally, as well as my growth as a mother, partner, friend, professional. I also look forward to being a resource, and support for others.

I have struggled with the transition to creating a more permanent social media/internet space to process…as I’ve been approached about “what I’m selling” or “how I’m planning to monetize.” This is my process for healing- not a place to sell a product. I am, however, here to share any aspect of my experience with anyone who is curious whole-heartedly. My life, my daughters, my family, and my experience are by no means meant to be sold as a product….So in saying that, I am bidding this Caring Bridge space a final farewell, and we, the Burns party of 4, are forever grateful for the support, curiosity, and love we’ve received through this space.

As far as the origin of the Caring Bridge site, it was meant to be an easy way to keep our family updated on our health while we were inside the hospital “trying to keep babies in.” It has grown turned into so much more, and has helped me honor a part of myself, my writing. The girls are growing, they are continuing to be followed by a handful of specialists, Vivvy-Lou is working with a pediatric physical therapist on weighting her legs/feet…and we hope they will have some hair by their second birthdays ;-)

Endless gratitude, we have felt the support, and love from all of you near and far, and seriously- when this pandemic is in the rearview mirror we hope to send an invite to any and all to celebrate with us in person, because you are part of the reason our little girls are turning into the peaceful warriors they are.

To find updates about the girl’s progress, and our ever-evolving life as a family of four in the future, feel free to follow us at www.raisingpeacefulwarriors.com, as well as instagram and facebook.

Endless Gratitude, love, and admiration for you all-

R, Z, V and E