Journal entry by Lauren Walton —
Endurance. Our word of the month and something that Brooks, Mark, and I so desperately need right now.
This past Tuesday, our family hit the 3 month mark in our NICU journey! It’s crazy how 96 days can go by in the blink of an eye while simultaneously feeling like an entire lifetime has passed. In this time, we’ve experienced incredibly dark lows as well as miraculous highs. We’ve experienced the sweetest outpouring of love and support from our neighbors, friends, and family. Most of all, we’ve experienced the nearness and love of the Lord in the most personal and intimate of ways! While this journey is not one that I would wish upon anybody, we are so incredibly grateful for it!
That said, if I am being completely honest, I have certainly hit my breaking point in the last couple of weeks. Hospital visits are becoming daunting as we watch neighboring babies go home on a daily basis. Nights of pumping are getting more tedious as I still don’t have our son next to me at home. Bottle feeding, a task that we so looked forward to at the beginning of our journey, is becoming discouraging each day that Brooks struggles to fully grasp his oral skills. While I know that he just needs more time (which is completely understandable for a former 26 weeker), I struggle to feel that I am not failing him as his “due date” quickly approaches.
In the midst of doubt and exhaustion, however, our God has still continued to show us his glory! Here are the positives we’ve had in the NICU lately:
1) Brooks hit 7 LBS! He’s becoming such a big boy and has the sweetest (and funniest) little personality!
2) Brooks has officially been off of oxygen (other than with some feeds) for two weeks and is doing great! While he is still having Brady/Desat episodes, he hasn’t had one that is not “feeding related” in quite a long time.
3) Brooks passed his hearing test with flying colors! The nurses had warned us that many NICU babies require multiple tests (after all, they’re used to hearing beeps and alarms regularly), however, he passed on the first try.
4) Brooks is, slowly but surely, learning to eat from his bottles! In order to be put on the 7 day countdown (last step before we go home), he is required to take 8 bottles (65 mL each - weight adjusted) by mouth in 24-hours for 2-3 days. As of last week, he was completing an average of 3 bottles per day. Over the weekend, however, he got a wild hair and finished 12 in a row (36 hours of feeds)! We were so excited and thought we’d be headed for the countdown in no time. That said, he’s since slowed down and is now only completing 2-3 per 24-hours again. While this has been discouraging, we know he can do it! We’re praying that the lightbulb goes off soon!
Over the next few weeks, please join us in praying for ENDURANCE. Endurance for Brooks to finish his feedings so that we can begin his countdown. Endurance for the nursing staff and the doctors who continue to love on our little man and handle his care. Endurance for Mark and I as we head into the 4th month of this crazy, incredible, exhausting, and amazing journey!
Our God has been so incredibly faithful through our entire NICU stay. While our endurance may be running low, we’re resting in knowing that his love endures forever!
Hugs from the NICU!
LW
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