I've never claimed to be a good journal writer! 😉 So here's the latest...

After meeting with my plastic surgeon on the 7th for a post-op follow up, he decided that he wanted me to have two additional weeks to heal before starting chemo. So my start date, which was originally June 17th, has been pushed back to July 1st. I understand the reasoning behind this decision, but I am so sick of WAITING on everything! Waiting to get in for appointments and waiting for procedures and waiting for test results and waiting for who the hell knows what else, it's all really frustrating. I just want to get started so it can be over as soon as possible.

Even though the chemo start date was pushed back, the one thing that remained on the same date was getting my port put in on the 15th. For those that don’t know, a port is “a small, implantable reservoir with a thin silicone tube that attaches to a vein. The main advantage of this vein-access device is that chemotherapy medications can be delivered directly into the port rather than a vein, eliminating the need for needle sticks.” I’ll attach some pictures so you can see  what I’m talking about. While I’m sure that I’ll be happy to have this thing come tomorrow, it sure has been a painful little $#&@* since day one. Plus, I kinda feel like a character in Alien with this thing protruding out of my chest. Ew. 

So, tomorrow/today is the day. The big, dreaded day. No matter how hard I try, or how many people tell me to, I just can’t see anything positive about chemotherapy, other than the ultimate end goal. I know it’s only for the next 3-4 months, but staring down those months from this side is daunting. I’m finding it really hard to put into words just how much I wish I didn’t have to do this part and what effect it’s having on me. Knowing the myriad of side effects that I could possibly experience does nothing to calm my anxiety. I’m just an overall scared ball of nerves.

Thank you again to so many of you who have fed us, visited us, called us, prayed for us, and supported us. Our people are the absolute BEST people! All the love has meant much more than we can ever express. We love you 3000!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️