Pregnancy 

I found out I was pregnant with Brinley on January 8th. 2020. Ryan said the day before we found out he PRAYED we would have another baby! ♥ 👣 I also had been PRAYING about it. The kids were all so excited about having a new sibling! They would ask a lot of questions about the baby and try to come up with names. It was clear this was going to be an extremely long 9 month wait! Haha. When we told the kids Kullen said yea but we have to PRAY first for God to put a baby in your belly. I said yea and there IS a baby in my belly right now! He was so excited and happy he was jumping up and down. The girls were also excited too! 

My pregnancy with Brinley was a difficult one. In the beginning I lost a lot of weight because I couldn't eat much and I was throwing up several times a day. The second trimester was awesome and so easy! I decided to do my 2nd vbac since it went so well with Riley Grace. The Drs told me I had a 95% success rate and everything seemed to be an easy choice.

I had a history of large babies so they wanted to check how big this baby was towards the end of pregnancy. At 32 weeks they told me I had slightly elevated amniotic fluid and that the baby's abdomen was bigger proportionally to the rest of her body. Nobody really knew what that meant but they said it could be bad so I had to be monitored more closely during pregnancy. I had a new weekly routine of 4-5 Dr appointments per week! I had to have an ultrasound weekly to measure the amniotic fluid, two non stress tests a week, an ob appointment and sometimes a growth ultrasound too. Kayleigh my wonderful 14 year old daughter babysat her siblings Kullen 6 years old and Riley Grace 3 years old so I could go to all the appointments. Ryan was unable to go to the 20 week growth ultrasound because of covid, but this time he was allowed to go so he went to 90% of them! It was awesome being able to see her each week but also scary not knowing if something was wrong. The ob offered for me to have an ultrasound with the perinatal clinic at the hospital which deals with high risk pregnancies. So Ryan and I went to that ultrasound and they said they're not concerned about her belly size or the amniotic fluid. So that was a huge relief but still felt like there could be an issue since I was still getting monitored and they said they'd check her after birth too. 

Since I had the high amniotic fluid the Dr's didn't want me going past 39 weeks pregnant. They said I could choose another c section or to try for a 2nd vbac. Trying for a vbac felt like a natural decision since my other one went so well. Of course there's still some fear since Kullens birth was traumatic and ended in c section due to the cord around his shoulders and he couldn't come down. Then Kayleigh broke her collar bone and her shoulder got stuck so there was risk of those happening again as well. A vbac delivery of course comes with its own risks, one of them being a ruptured uterus but only has a 1% chance of happening. The high fluid had risks if you stay pregnant past 39 weeks as well, a long list I have forgotten! Another issue was Brinley was breech from 34-36 weeks during pregnancy. They talked about manually flipping her but it sounded stressful to me, but she eventually did flip on her own so I was thankful for that. She also had a high risk of flipping breech again before delivery because of all the extra fluid. It was definitely turning into more of a heavy decision with all of these obstacles in the way and not really knowing what the right decision was. 

Induction 

I agreed to get induced at 39 weeks. I was also induced with Riley Grace and it went very well. Ryan and I anticipated to be away from the kids for 2 or 3 days and set up childcare, my mom and Ryans grandma. Ryan only packed 1 outfit for the hospital to give you an idea of what we were expecting! We said goodbye to the kids September 2nd at 1pm and went to the hospital. I was 3 cm dilated when we got there and 70% effaced which made me even more comfortable with the induction because I was already starting to get ready. I didn't get pitocin until 3:30pm which is a medicine that starts contractions. I had had it with all 3 of the other kids and never had issues. That day, a Wednesday, was the most peaceful day you could imagine for someone being induced and about to have a baby. The lights were off and our room was quiet. Very calm and relaxing, Ryan and I just hung out and talked. I had HGTV on most of the day with low volume for something to do if I needed. I was started on a level 1 of pitocin and didn't feel pain until about 10pm. The head ob that night came to introduce himself to me, he was an older man who I'd never met before. He was kind of quiet behind his mask but seemed very experienced and he was very kind to us. He said he was the one who would be dealing with any issues. I had a variety of nurses and other ob's come check on me throughout the day and continued to update the plan. They decided I wasn't progressing much so they broke my water around 9pm and after that the contractions were extremely painful and I wanted an epidural. I got an epidural around midnight and it took a little bit but overall went well and soon I didn't have a lot of pain. Brinley's heart rate was not ideal but it was OK as far as tolerating labor. They did turn pitocin off for awhile to give my uterus a break. Somewhere in there they put a monitor in Brinley's head to get a more accurate reading for her heart rate.

Pushing 

I think around 4 in the morning I was told I'm complete at 10 cm and can start to do practice pushes. I pushed for maybe 25-30 minutes before the front of my belly started hurting a lot. I was irritated because I was worried about the epidural not working well like it had in previous deliveries. So I told them the front of my belly and on the right side of my belly was hurting a lot. The anesthesia guy came back and gave me something to fix it. It helped but wasn't totally gone. The older ob came in to check on me and said that Brinley wasn't coming down and that I needed to maybe push more.

C Section 

Suddenly he said that I needed a c section after 40 ish minutes of pushing. He asked me if I was OK with a hysterectomy if needed I said yes but was shocked he asked me that. He said that the baby needed to be out in 5-10 minutes it is a crash c section. I didn't understand but agreed because it reminded me of Kullen's delivery and how the c section saved his life because he wouldn't come down the birth canal. The Drs and nurses were all rushing and hurrying. Ryan put on the blue gown and followed us down the hall, me laying in the bed.

We got to the OR and it was very white and bright and cold. There were a bunch of staff everywhere all rushing. Someone asked can we wait for dad? The head ob said no we don't have time. Then he said her uterus ruptured and I don't know if we can save it. I felt like I was in a nightmare and it wasn't me on the table. It took awhile to get her out in my mind but apparently it was only a few minutes. I didn't know she came out because I didn't hear her cry or anyone say anything. Later I found out she did cry because they told me she did! They were talking something about possible brain damage to the baby and I just started PRAYING OUT LOUD. I prayed the same prayer over and over asking that God would save my baby's life and that she would be perfect and they would be able to save my uterus. I wasn't crying I was too much in shock. The Dr said my old c section scar tore open and also vertically on my uterus which is not common. Here I was, the 1% for the uterine rupture. I was in complete shock that this would be me. I continued praying for Brinley and I and also asked if my husband knew I was ok. They told me my husband was with Brinley and that made me at peace because I didn't want her to be alone. It didn't occur to me I was also alone with only medical staff and God, so of course not completely alone! I kept asking how much longer and if Brinley was OK. 

Brinley 

Then they actually brought Brinley to me in the little clear box that babies who need extra help are put in! She was awake and they set her next to my head. It was the happiest I had been that whole day to finally see my daughter and see that she was alive! I truly didn't know if she was alive until that point. They told me she needed help breathing so they were taking her to the NICU. I asked if they could take a picture of her next to me and a nurse did using her cell phone and later sent it to me. So that was one prayer partially answered that Brinley was alive, I still didn't know if she had any problems or not. They took her away and I went back to praying out loud. They said they were having trouble getting my bleeding under control but eventually they were able to. Then after over an hour in surgery the ob said he was able to save my uterus! That was the 2nd prayer answered! I was so overwhelmed by God answering my prayers so quickly and also just in shock over what happened I cried a lot in the recovery room, over the next several days in fact! I went in recovery right away where I saw Ryan and told him what happened! He didn't really know anything that happened but he did get to see Brinley a lot so that was great! ♥ They pushed on my belly which was the worst pain of my life to make sure all the blood was out. Some of the nurses questioned if it was a good thing or a bad thing so I prayed again that I wouldn't have extra blood. So they brought in an ultrasound that confirmed my belly was doing well and they didn't need to do a painful procedure to fix it. Again I was in awe of how God just kept taking care of us! ♥ 

Due to being separated from Brinley they had me pump right away. I got 11 mL and everyone was shocked because that was a lot for someone who gave birth an hour ago they said! I was so happy I could provide for her while she was in the NICU! They then sent me to another hospital room where I'd stay for the next 5 days. After a few hours they let me visit Brinley in the NICU. I was wheeled there in my bed and just sobbed the whole time I held her as the Dr's told me she was perfect. ♥ 👣 🎀 Now finally my whole prayer was answered! The brain Dr's were sent to test her brain but once they saw her they said they know she has no brain damage they can skip their tests! I just couldn't believe it! My baby was closer and closer to being in perfect health! I visited her 3 more times that day and night in the NICU by wheelchair that Ryan pushed. I was even able to nurse her a few times and she did so amazing! They also gave her donor milk as well which was a huge blessing! The whole experience is still overwhelming to think about both good and bad. The good overcomes the bad and scary experience of it. That in the end we have our healthy Brinley Faith Paige and that pediatrician after pediatrician keep telling us she is in perfect health 😭♥️ She has seen so many Dr's in her short week of life and they all continue to say she looks great, no issues! I can't help but feel so blessed by that because she could have had a different outcome. I just kept telling everyone that God protected us. We had so many people praying for us even before the delivery and now I know why. So I can share that their prayers all helped to bless Brinley and I a little more that day. I love how PRAYER was a big theme of my pregnancy and delivery! I never imagined how much we would need those prayers. I give all the glory to Jesus my savior for His love and compassion on us that day. He will have that same love for anyone else who calls on His name to be saved. I want God to be glorified through my painful experience and how He brought us through for a purpose. I wanted to share my story to honor Christ as hard as it is to talk about. He is worthy to be praised no matter what! 

Roman's 10:9-10 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,”and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  

2 Corinthians 5:21 For He made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Roman's 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.