Sunday, January 5th, our family endured another significant loss.  Brigitte's mother, Nona Faye Painter, passed away.  She was honored with a moving memorial service Saturday, January 11th.  We are grateful to those who endured terrible weather conditions to lend love and support to our family during this difficult time.  For those who were unable to attend, here is the tribute I shared to my grandmother.

KERA'S EULOGY

FOR THOSE WHO MAY NOT KNOW ME, OR HAVEN’T SEEN ME IN A WHILE, I’M KERA MASHEK AND I AM HONORED TO CALL MYSELF NONA PAINTER’S GRANDDAUGHTER--OR AS SHE’S BEEN AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN TO US—AS “GRAN.”

IN MY CAREER AS A JOURNALIST, I OFTEN HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF SHARING INFORMATION ABOUT SOME OF THE MOST TRAGIC AND TERRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE.  GRAN OFTEN ASKED ME HOW I MANAGED DOING THAT, WITHOUT LETTING IT GET TO ME.  I SHARED THAT AS STRANGE AS IT SOUNDS—SOME OF THOSE MORE DIFFICULT STORIES TO TELL...ARE WHERE I’VE ALWAYS FELT WEIRDLY COMFORTABLE.  I UNDERSTAND THE COMPASSION THAT IS REQUIRED AND APPRECIATE THE TRUST SOMEONE PLACES IN ME TO TELL THEIR STORY, AND TO FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE A PLATFORM TO SHARE IT—TO HELP THEM FEEL EMPOWERED…AND THAT THEY MATTER.

BUT TELLING THIS STORY TODAY…THE STORY OF MY GRAN…IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A GRANDMOTHER..WHO WAS ALSO ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS.

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE EVERY SINGLE WEEK.  SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON IN OUR LIVES…TALK ABOUT PHOTOS OF VIDEOS SHE’D SEEN OF ALL OF US ON FACEBOOK, AND JUST KNOW WE WERE OKAY.

WE WENT ON VACATIONS TOGETHER.  WE PLAYED AND WATCHED SPORTS TOGETHER. SHE TOOK GREAT JOY IN CHEERING ON OUR BELOVED ST. LOUIS CARDINALS...ESPECIALLY HER BASEBALL BOYFRIEND PAUL DEJONG, AND THIS PAST YEAR EVEN GOT INTO HOCKEY WITH OUR STANLEY CUP CHAMPION BLUES.  AND IN THIS FAMILY—THERE WERE MANY…MANY CARD AND BOARD GAMES TOGETHER.  SHE WOULD APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A BAD PINOCHOLE OR HAND AND FOOT PARTNER WHEN WE’D LOSE.  BUT THE CHATS AND LAUGHS AROUND A CARD GAME ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE MEMORIES.

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I COULD BE HONEST WITH GRAN.  I COULD TELL HER ANYTHING.  I FELT THE VERY SAME WAY ABOUT MY MOM.  JUST 18 MONTHS AGO…A QUICK AND CRUEL CANCER TOOK MY MOM TO HEAVEN.  WHILE I HONESTLY WORRIED THE PAIN OF LOSING HER DAUGHTER…MIGHT BE MORE THAN GRAN COULD HANDLE…GOD’S PROMISES HELD TRUE.  WHILE THERE IS PAIN IN THE NIGHT…JOY COMES IN THE MORNING.  DURING THAT TIME…GRAN AND I HAD SOME REALLY INCREDIBLE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT MY FAITH…ABOUT HEAVEN…AND ABOUT TRUSTING IN JESUS.  THOSE TALKS ARE GIFTS I WILL TREASURE ALWAYS.

ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MADE MY MOM’S ABSENCE EASIER—WAS HAVING GRAN.  WHILE HOLIDAYS AND BIRTHDAYS WITHOUT MOM ARE TOUGH…THE THINGS I’VE MISSED MOST ARE THE SILLY LITTLE EVERY DAY MOMENTS…CALLING TO TELL HER SOMETHING AWESOME THAT HAPPENED, OR SHARE WHAT MY BOYS ARE UP TO.  AFTER MOM DIED, I STILL GOT TO SHARE ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS WITH GRAN. 

WHEN I LEARNED GRAN HAD PASSED, IT ALMOST FELT LIKE LOSING MY MOM ALL OVER AGAIN.  THE TWO CLOSEST WOMEN IN MY FAMILY—IN MY LIFE—WERE GONE.  WHILE SELFISHLY, MY OWN HEART IS HEAVY…I AM TRUSTING TO BELIEVE THEY ARE TOGETHER AGAIN…IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR SAVIOR.

ANYONE LUCKY ENOUGH TO KNOW MY GRAN—KNOWS IF THERE WAS ONE SINGLE WORD THAT WOULD DEFINE HER LIFE...AND WHAT SHE HELD MOST DEAR…IT WOULD BE FAMILY.

 

AND THE BEGINNING OF THAT FAMILY STORY—STARTED NEARLY 70 YEARS AGO…WHEN A LITTLE ARKANSAS GIRL..MET A LITTLE PIKE-LINCOLN COUNTY BOY AT WINFIELD HIGH SCHOOL.  UNCLE CRAIG HAS SHARED THE SCANDALOUS STORY OF AN APPARENT FIRST DATE—WHICH INVOLVED...AND I KID YOU NOT… A *WEENIE ROAST* AT A PLACE CALLED THE *SNAKE HOLE*.  THOSE MUST’VE BEEN SOME GOOD HOT DOGS...BECAUSE THE FLAME KINDLED WAY BACK THEN…LED TO MARRIAGE OF 64 YEARS…AND 343 DAYS.

THERE WAS ONE BRIEF BREAK-UP…THAT FAF TELLS ME HE DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE WAS A BREAK UP SINCE HE WAS AWAY AT COLLEGE…UNTIL MY GREAT GRANDPA LANGSTON LET HIM KNOW HE WASN’T CRAZY ABOUT GRAN’S SUITORS DURING THE SPLIT..AND HE WANTED JAMES HOWARD PAINTER AS HIS SON-IN-LAW AND FORCED THE TWO BACK TOGETHER ON A TRIP TO THE GRAND CANYON.  BUT MY GREAT GRANDPA APPARENTLY HAD EXCELLENT INSTINCTS...BECAUSE HIS MEDDLING LED TO A LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE, TWO CHILDREN, 10 GRANDCHILDREN, AND 11 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.

AND EVEN WITH A FAMILY OF THAT SIZE—GRAN MADE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN IT…FEEL LIKE THEY WERE IMPORTANT.  SHE TOOK A GENUINE INTEREST IN EACH OF OUR LIVES.  WHETHER IT WAS AN ART SHOW, CONCERTS, WEIGHT LIFTING COMPETITIONS, SOCCER—BASKETBALL---SOFTBALL AND BASEBALL GAMES—TRACK MEETS, VOLLEYBALL, CHEERLEADING, PAGEANTS, OR PLAYS.  SHE ENJOYED EVER BABY AND BRIDAL SHOWER, THE WEDDINGS, AND GRADUATIONS.  THERE WERE THINGS ABOUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US SHE ADMIRED, AND TOOK GREAT PRIDE IN CALLING US HER FAMILY…AND BRAGGING ON US TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN.

GRAN’S HEART WAS FULL OF LOVE.  SHE HAD A WARM SMILE AND INFECTIOUS LIFE.  AND SHE COULD DEFINITELY BE A SPIT FIRE!  I ALWAYS BELIEVED SHE HAD A SMALL DOSE OF MAGICAL POWER—BECAUSE WITH THREE LITTLE WORDS---DAMN IT JAMES!—GRAN ALONE COULD MAKE FAF STOP DOING WHATEVER HE WAS UP TO SHE DIDN’T LIKE…OR GET HIM TO START DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY..HER WAY.

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN THANKFUL FOR GRAN AND FAF’S UNWRITTEN OPEN DOOR POLICY.  ANYTIME YOU WANTED TO DROP IN, THEY’D WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.  THEY HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED GOOD COMPANY, AND WITH A NETWORK OF GOLF BUDDIES AND FRIENDS—EVEN SOME HALF A WORLD AWAY IN GERMANY--THEY WERE BLESSED TO HAVE NO SHORTAGE OF PEOPLE EAGER TO PAY A VISIT AND CATCH UP.  GRAN WOULD OPEN UP THE FRIDGE AND OFFER WHATEVER SHE COULD FIND…AND IF YOU WERE STAYING A WHILE, IT’S LIKELY THE SCRABBLE BOARD OR A DECK OF CARDS WOULD COME OUT.  AFTER MANY YEARS OF BACK AND FORTH PINOCHLE MATCHES…AND ME LOSING A LOT TO TWO OLD FOLKS WHO PLAYED SCRABBLE EVERY SINGLE DAY—THE FIRST TIME I BEAT THEM *BOTH IN SCRABBLE..YOU BETTER BELIEVE I TOOK A PICTURE OF THE SCORE SHEET AND POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK.  I PROBABLY SHOULD’VE FRAMED IT TOO.

GRAN AND FAF LET ME DO LAUNDRY AT THEIR HOUSE IN COLLEGE SO I COULD SAVE MONEY.  THEY FINANCED THE COLLEGE EDUCATIONS OF THEIR GRANDKIDS.  THEY EVEN LET A FEW OF US MOVE IN AS ADULTS.  GRAN AND FAF WOULD ALWAYS LEND A HAND TO HELP OR AN EAR TO LISTEN ANY TIME.  THEY’D GIVE ADVICE—EVEN IF SOMETIMES YOU REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR IT—GIVE GREAT BIG HUGS…AND HAD COUNTLESS STORIES TO SHARE FROM GOLF..TO THEIR WORLD TRAVELS..AND NEW LIFE EXPERIENCES.

IT IS HARD TO US GRANDKIDS—TO TALK ABOUT GRAN..WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT FAF TOO…BECAUSE IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THE TWO OF THEM…DOING EVERYTHING TOGETHER… THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER WAS EVIDENT TO ALL WHO KNEW THEM.  WHILE HELPING FAF THIS WEEK—WE CAME ACROSS STASHES OF LITTLE NOTES FAF HAD LEFT OVER THE YEARS—JUST SIMPLE THINGS ABOUT WHERE HE WAS PLAYING GOLF, OR THAT HE’D TAKEN GIZMO FOR A WALK.  SHE STUFFED A BUNCH IN AN ENVELOPE WITH THE WORDS “TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE” WRITTEN ON THE FRONT.  I THINK SHE KEPT THEM AS A REMINDER OF JUST HOW MUCH FAF LOVED HER…AND FOR HIM TO KNOW SHE APPRECIATED ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS.  

THERE ARE MANY PHOTOS OF GRAN AND FAF—WHERE YOU CAN SEE THAT LOVE IN THEIR EYES—JUST BOUNCING OFF THE IMAGE.  THEY WERE SOUL MATES AND BEST FRIENDS. 

I’M REALLY PROUD OF FAF… FOR HIS DEDICATION TO GRAN ALL THESE YEARS…ESPECIALLY THE LAST FEW—WHEN I KNOW IT WAS NOT ALWAYS SIMPLE.  HE BECAME HER PRIMARY CARETAKER.  IT MEANT MISSING OUT ON SOME THINGS—SO HE COULD STAY HOME WITH HER.  IT MEANT COOKING AND CLEANING AND GROCERY SHOPPING.  IT MEANT EMPTYING A HUMIDIFIER AND CHANGING LEVELS ON HER OXYGEN MACHINE.  IT MEANT PUSHING A WHEELCHAIR…AND HELPING WITH HYGIENE.  WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE IN THEIR LAST DAYS—AND THEIR SPOUSE—TENDING TO THEIR EVERY NEED…ALL YOU CAN THINK TO YOURSELF…IS **THAT IS FAMILY….**THAT IS TRUE, UNENDING, AND DEEP LOVE.

FAF IS A STRONG GUY…BUT HE WILL NEED THE ONGOING LOVE AND SUPPORT OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE… TO BEGIN TO FEEL WHOLE AGAIN..AND ADJUST TO A NEW NORMAL WITHOUT THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

OUR WHOLE FAMILY WILL NEED YOUR CONTINUED LOVE, SUPPORT AND PRAYER TOO. 

IF I CAN IMPART ANY WISDOM AS WE ALL GRIEVE THIS IMMENSE LOSS TOGETHER…I GOT TO THINKING ABOUT HOW WE CAN BEST HONOR GRAN’S LIFE AND WHO SHE WAS.  AND GOD HAS REALLY BEEN PUTTING THIS ON MY HEART..AND IT IS SOMETHING I ADMITTEDLY AM NOT VERY GOOD AT…AND THAT IS TO *SLOW DOWN*. IN OUR RUSH-RUSH…GO-GO-GO WORLD… WE CAN GET SO CAUGHT UP IN WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TOMORROW… WE FORGET TO ENJOY TODAY… TO ENJOY THE PEOPLE WE’RE WITH AND THOSE WE LOVE.  WE CAN NEGLECT SELF CARE...FORGET TO FOCUS ON THE NEEDS OF OUR SPOUSE, KIDS OR GRANDKIDS.  WE’RE A BAD FRIEND.  OR A LESS THAN FAITHFUL CHRIST FOLLOWER.  SO LET’S STRIVE TO FOLLOW GRAN’S EXAMPLE… SLOW DOWN… GET A CUP OF COFFEE WITH A FRIEND YOU HAVEN’T HAD TIME WITH IN A WHILE.  HAVE A DATE NIGHT WITH YOUR SPOUSE.  PLAY CARDS WITH YOUR KIDS.  LAUGH, SMILE, AND ENJOY IT.

IN CLOSING…ON MY DRIVE IN FROM KANSAS CITY THIS WEEK…I HEARD A SONG BY ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS, DAVID CROWDER… AND IT’S ONE I WASN’T FAMILIAR WITH.  BUT THE LYRICS—HAD ME IN TEARS…THINKING ABOUT THE VIEW GRAN NOW HAS FROM ABOVE—LOOKING DOWN UPON US…AND TELLING US HOW TO TAKE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT…IT SAYS..

 

“ You should see the stars tonight
How they shimmer shine so bright
Against the black they look so white
Coming down from such a height
To reach me now, you reach me now

And how could such a thing
Shine its light on me
And make everything beautiful again

You should feel the sun in the spring
Coming out after a rain
Suddenly all is green
Sunshine on everything
I can feel it now, I feel you now

And how could such a thing
Shine its light on me
And make everything beautiful

And you should hear the angels sing
All gathered round their King
More beautiful than you could dream
I've been quietly listening
You can hear 'em now, I hear em now

I wanna tell you it'll be all right
And I wanna shine and I wanna fly
Just to tell you now
It'll be all right,
It'll be all right”””