Amy here.

First of all, Matthew and I want to thank everyone for all you have done to help us pick up the pieces these past few days.  We are so blessed with friends and family who care so much.  I literally don’t know what we would do without the support.  

I wanted to offer an update.  I have realized that most, if not all, of you have been just as curious about me as you were about Briar.  My last journal entry contained details of our last moments with her.  To be honest, at the time, that felt like the end of the story.  Nothing else mattered to me.  She was, and still is, our world.  But, after some moments of reflection, I have realized that it hasn’t been fair not to update all of you with what is going on with us.  

I was finally discharged from the hospital on Monday around 2 PM.  I went into the hospital on Friday the 16th.  It was around 60 degrees and the trees were starting to turn.  When they rolled me out on Monday, it was frigid outside and all the trees were vibrant colors of red, yellow, and orange.  It poured on us the entire way home.  It felt appropriate for our mood.  We will forever remember Briar in the moments when the trees turn the beautiful colors of Autumn. 

We got home, and I walked into a house that had been cleaned by close friends.  My parents were at my house and my mom had made me some homemade potato soup because that’s all I wanted.  Even at age 39, there is still something about the embrace of my momma and daddy.  It was so good to see them.  

Matthew and I have spent the past two days on our big grey couch in PJ’s.  We are using the rest of this week to gather ourselves and to try and figure out how to move on after this tremendous loss.  My BP has gone up and down.  But, it hasn’t been at a level that is scary.  

Today, I finally had an appointment with Dr. Nilson.  I have never been so excited to see a doctor in all my life.  We had a long talk about what had happened and my health going forward.  He remains optimistic.  And, that alone brings more peace than I’ve had since this whole thing started.  The familiar faces of the nurses and a doctor who has known me for years did wonders for my heart.  

For now, I will continue to monitor my BP, along with frequent visits to Dr. Nilson.  I’m still planning to take it easy and will likely spend a lot of time in comfy clothes on my couch.  Healing isn’t going to happen overnight, but I rest in the fact that we still serve a mighty God who has a plan for us.  

I have spent a lot of time questioning God the past couple of days.  I still can’t seem to find the answers that I long for.  I am
also trying to figure out how to make Briar’s short life count for something.  For now, the only thing that I can think of is to share our journey.  I can only hope that one day someone will read it and reach out because they are going through a similar storm.  I plan to start a blog in the coming days, when I am out of the fog of all that has just happened.  I will share it for those of you who would like to follow our journey from here.

Matthew is still a child at heart.  He is at his best when he is on the carpet playing with his nephews or dancing in the living room with our close friend’s kids.  I believe that one of his life purposes is to be a father.  

If COVID-19 has done anything, it has taught me that I belong with children.  Teaching my class the past month, before all of this happened, was a reminder of just how blessed I am to be with those sweet souls each day.  I can’t wait to be back with my kids.  

With all of that being said, I also believe that God has a plan for us to be parents.  I obviously don’t know what that will look like.  I just know that it is in the very fiber of our being.  My blog will follow that journey...wherever it may take us.  

Today, as I scrolled mindlessly through Pinterest, this verse came up.  It gives me hope.  And some days, that’s all you need.  

“For though I fall, I will rise again.  Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” Micah 7:8

We love y’all!