Wow, I can't believe it has been 2 years since I last posted.  I guess I needed some time to adjust to normalcy.  On June 17, 2019 we passed our 2 year mark of being off chemotherapy.  I can't believe it.  Yesterday, I went to an art workshop for cancer moms and one of the "newbies" was asking questions about her 5 year-old son on steroid pulses.  (Yes, it is normal that he craves tons of bacon and only bacon. Yes, kicking at you is also normal, but my son preferred throwing things at me.) It seems like a lifetime ago that we experienced that, I never thought I would be in a place to give advice or reassurance. 
  We have been so "normal."  However, I am so keenly aware that life can change on a dime.  Sometimes, I feel if I "gloat" too much or mark anniversaries off treatment, cancer is waiting and lurking to punish me.  This brings me back to the "day by day" mantra.  I can't control what happens to anyone in my family, I will just try to deal with things as best I can.  
   Anyway, back to Bobby... he has been doing well off treatment. He plays flag football, baseball, and basketball.  He also had a really cool connection with the Muhlenberg Baseball Team.  He is not the best, strongest, or fastest kid in the sports he plays.  He is usually on the lower end of average.  Sometimes we get frustrated ( he should practice more or the fact that there is a lot of politics in picking teams) but I need to remind myself, "Just be thankful he is here!"  I remember in the early days of treatment he needed PT to walk and I already had to carry him to the bus stop in kindergarten.
   He does not like school, but does okay based on all he has been through and his lack of interest in reading, writing, and math.  He does like his teachers and the social aspects of school which is good.  He also enjoys history.  He seems to be able to retain A LOT of information when he hears it verbally or watches a documentary.  He is still very, very shy, but this summer we have seen him laugh more at home than he has in long time.  The only issue that has been heating up is his anxiety.  He bursts in to tears (real sobs) if he can't find his sister, parents, or dogs in a few minutes.  The other day, Bob and I were out for a walk and we came back to discover him on the phone with my mom hysterically crying.  His 8 year-old sister was rolling her eyes saying "Mom and dad are right here." But, it took a while to console him.  For reference, we were walking a loop in our cul de sac late morning.  We were outside for about 10 minutes.  He also recently told me, he hates when I run.  He worries about me getting hit or taken.  I don't know if this is normal?  Or something we should consult with a professional about?  But if this is the most we have to deal with post treatment, I will take it!
   We didn't take any long vacations this year, just some day trips or a few days over night here and there, but it feels like we have been busy every day.  We have had friends over non-stop to swim and while sometimes tiring to this old mom, it has made me so happy. 
I am so grateful - we have good friends to hang out with and I am so glad my kids have friends to play with.  I know that there could be a time where kids may not want to come over, and my children would be hurt and alone.  So, I try to savor the laughs, the splashing, and the singing.
I am so grateful - Bobby can sleep in his own bed.  I love checking in on him at night to see him twisted in his sheets underneath all the posters and cards that still hang in his room.  I also try to remember to savor sleeping in my own bed, with soft sheets and my dogs close.  No stale hospital air, noises, etc.
I am so grateful - for the friends I have, including more recent friends.  A group of moms that I can "fit in with" talking about the same non-cancer issues.  A group of moms that have encouraged me in a variety of ways.  Who helped my rediscover reading and trying new things.
I am so grateful that my kids are still so innocent.  They believe in Santa, and enjoy playing with little toys and still want to hang out with my and dad.
I am so grateful - for the "problems" I can talk about with other women. (Busy schedules, cleaning, kids not listening, etc)  While it is hard, sometimes in the midst of our discussion I find myself thinking I am so fortunate that these are my worries.  Everything is relative.
I am so grateful - our schedule is dictated by events, games, practices, picnics, trips etc. and not by trips to clinic, blood counts, etc.
And of course I am so grateful to have both my kids, happy and healthy with us at home!

I need to make a mental note to read this post when I am ranting about