Journal entry by Beth Epstein —
On Wednesday, I had my last Herceptin infusion!
I realized on the drive home that the every 3 week schedule of infusions will no longer be embedded in my life-planning (a good thing, but actually maybe a little disorienting, like menopause when there's no longer an internal clock to mark the passage of time). The untethering is a little scary, I’ll admit, but mostly wonderful. I'm on my own. I'm ready (finally), but it took a long time to be ready. The frequent check-ins with my oncologist and infusions of that life-saving medication were just so safe.
When someone finishes their infusions, they ring the bell to mark the moment. During my infusions, I would sometimes hear the bell ring--everybody claps and hurrays--and I would be so happy for that person and know that someday that person would be me. Yesterday, it was. What a fantastic feeling. I had walked past that bell 26 times. The 27th was the charm.
I arrived home to a pink house! Pink streamers on the door, pink balloons everywhere! The boys gave me a rear view mirror--indicating that this long 18-month journey is officially, finally, and happily, in my rear view mirror. I will look back on that time with deep gratitude for the love and support of my 3 incredible boys, mom, family, and friends, and a keen appreciation for what kind of trouble a body can get into and what it can handle to get well again. I cherish a renewed sense of direction and importance for what I do professionally and personally and an overall calm even in times of pandemic and chaos. I know that things will turn out ok, somehow, even though I don't know what "ok" is.
And then, in the evening, I was completely surprised by a Zoom celebration with family and friends! OH MY GOSH! I had been thinking about how to celebrate this day--maybe a weekend at the beach (COVID nixed that idea), a party (I'm not a huge party person, so no. COVID nixed that idea too anyway), dinner out with Fred, Jay, and Craig (yes! no. Again with the COVID). A Zoomabration with family and friends was exactly the right thing! I can't think of a better ending to a great day.
As always and forever, I am so thankful for your love and support. You've been by my side these long months and I've felt your good vibes, read your notes, walked with you, coffee'd with you, enjoyed your presence in my life more than you know.
Signing off with love and peace,
Beth
I realized on the drive home that the every 3 week schedule of infusions will no longer be embedded in my life-planning (a good thing, but actually maybe a little disorienting, like menopause when there's no longer an internal clock to mark the passage of time). The untethering is a little scary, I’ll admit, but mostly wonderful. I'm on my own. I'm ready (finally), but it took a long time to be ready. The frequent check-ins with my oncologist and infusions of that life-saving medication were just so safe.
When someone finishes their infusions, they ring the bell to mark the moment. During my infusions, I would sometimes hear the bell ring--everybody claps and hurrays--and I would be so happy for that person and know that someday that person would be me. Yesterday, it was. What a fantastic feeling. I had walked past that bell 26 times. The 27th was the charm.
I arrived home to a pink house! Pink streamers on the door, pink balloons everywhere! The boys gave me a rear view mirror--indicating that this long 18-month journey is officially, finally, and happily, in my rear view mirror. I will look back on that time with deep gratitude for the love and support of my 3 incredible boys, mom, family, and friends, and a keen appreciation for what kind of trouble a body can get into and what it can handle to get well again. I cherish a renewed sense of direction and importance for what I do professionally and personally and an overall calm even in times of pandemic and chaos. I know that things will turn out ok, somehow, even though I don't know what "ok" is.
And then, in the evening, I was completely surprised by a Zoom celebration with family and friends! OH MY GOSH! I had been thinking about how to celebrate this day--maybe a weekend at the beach (COVID nixed that idea), a party (I'm not a huge party person, so no. COVID nixed that idea too anyway), dinner out with Fred, Jay, and Craig (yes! no. Again with the COVID). A Zoomabration with family and friends was exactly the right thing! I can't think of a better ending to a great day.
As always and forever, I am so thankful for your love and support. You've been by my side these long months and I've felt your good vibes, read your notes, walked with you, coffee'd with you, enjoyed your presence in my life more than you know.
Signing off with love and peace,
Beth
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