I made it to UVA to talk with their cancer team about clinical trial timelines. The doctor was very nice and reassuring. Basically, what was recommended is to continue my chemo with the oxaliplatin addition for 3 months to see how effective it is at destroying the lung tumors. When the time comes and we are confident the chemo has stopped working, the docs at UVA will get me into a clinical trial. He also reassured me even if I get in a clinical trial and after 3-6 months if it’s not working, I could go back on my current treatment and rechallenge the cancer. The shitty thing about cancer is that it evolves and basically gets accustomed to the chemo and learns how to survive it. The thought being if I am off chemo for a period then going back on could be beneficial. The doctor also said I should have my cancer’s genes tested again to see if there are any new mutations they could target with a different drug. I have a pretty good battle plan for the remainder of the year. 

Unfortunately, I was unable to get my MRI because of scheduling confusion, but it is now scheduled for June 11. I am extremely nervous about this scan because I had a few bouts of urinary incontinence, and the docs are worried my main tumor might be compressing my bladder. I worry that the scan will show something scary, and I will need surgery or one of my biggest fears is an ostomy bag which is a bag connected to your intestines when you can’t poop normally. I am trying to remain optimistic, but it is difficult especially when the scan is still 11 days out so I need to stay mentally tough for these next few weeks.    

Mental health has struggled this month. Most of it I can chalk up to scan anxiety. This whole battle with cancer has been hardest mentally and emotionally. Physically I feel like I am doing pretty good. Yes, there have been quite a bit of lifestyle adjustments but overall physically I’m good. When I have a scan in the near future there is so much psychological suffering. My mind just plays scenarios out in my head, most being negative. I picture the MRI report coming out and seeing something that means I need surgery or even worse I get the dreaded talk from my doctor about getting my affairs in order because time is short. 

That is about it for this update. I am still here, still happy, and still fighting. I can say 100% I would not be writing that sentence without the support of everyone reading this. It is not lost on me how much people have shown up for me. Not only does that support keep me in the fight, but it also makes me want to show up for all of you and all of humanity more and more. I will have more updates after treatment next week and after my scan.

Much love, 

Ben