From Ann—Happy New Year!

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One year later...

Today marks one year to the day that I was taken by ambulance to Barnes. I have no recollection of the ambulance, or anything else, until I was moved to the Rehab Institute of St. Louis five weeks later. The last thing I clearly remember is driving Will to Hermann, MO to get bison meat to take to Rhodes for lacrosse season (If you know Will you will understand).  I started a fever and we stopped at a Target on the way home to get Tylenol and hot tea.  Over the next several days I went to have drinks with girlfriends (I don’t remember what we talked about), and to the urgent care (I vaguely remember Neal and I thinking I probably had the flu). Within a couple days I could not walk and I told the paramedics I was 22. 

I had contracted endocarditis which caused bacterial meningitis and several small strokes.  I thank God everyday that I was not aware of anything that happened at Barnes. I don’t know if it’s because of all the drugs I was given, or because of the strokes and high fevers, but it is a blessing I was oblivious to everything.  

Conversely, my family was carrying the burden of knowing exactly what was happening and thus worrying and praying. Neal and my boys and my parents and siblings...they were rocks...for me and for each other.  While I was in the ICU, SLUH and St. Raphael had a Mass and prayer service for me. My friend Lisa Mitchell started a novena to St. Charbel on Facebook. (The novena has continued to this day and she is always adding people in need of  miracles).  Also, I didn’t have a chance to get Nick ready for his job in Wisconsin.  My SRA girlfriends gave him household items that he would need for his apartment. 

After two open heart surgeries to remove the infection I went to TRISTL with IV antibiotics.  I learned how to walk again and gained some strength.  Lying in a hospital bed for five weeks does NOT do a body good.  While I was upset I couldn’t go directly home I soon realized I had to get serious about rehab so I could go home.  I think about the patients, nurses, doctors and therapists at TRISTL often.  They are the real deal and I will be forever grateful to them.  Friends took shifts to sit with me and go to OT, PT, and speech therapy with me so that Neal could go to work.  I enjoyed  catching up with them. I remember looking at Neal one day, after realizing he had been with me everyday, and asked if he still had a job.  Luckily, Neal works with kind & generous people to at Lewis Rice. I’m incredibly thankful for them. 

As you know (if you’ve been following this Caring Bridge), I got to go home on March 5th. Friends still continued to come over and sit with me. And then Covid required Jack and Will to come home from school. I was grateful for the bonus months with them. 

In October, we closed on a lake house in Wisconsin. We take lots of walks with the dogs in the Northwoods. There’s also plenty of opportunity for relaxation.  The fresh Wisconsin air is an elixir of sorts for all that ails me.  We spent a week there between Christmas and the new year and it seems every-time I return to St. Louis I’m a bit stronger.  The attached picture is of all of us on frozen Clear Lake on New Year’s Eve.  

I am fully aware that not many people get to finish their caring bridge journal in the first person just a year later with a happy ending. I am thankful to everyone who followed my journey here. 

There has been so much loss and sickness and sadness this year, including the loss of my brother Matt. He died in June and I miss him every day. He would have been so proud of me.  He was a great brother and uncle to my boys. Without a doubt this year has been hard for all of us, especially my parents and siblings.  We are counting on a happier 2021. 

I have my last PT appointment today. I have been going for shoulder issues related to the surgeries. I’m doing so much better in that regard and I feel like it was the last piece of the healing puzzle.  My boys and Savannah made me a delicious breakfast (with a mimosa!) this morning and we are going to have a celebratory dinner tonight. 

I want to finish this year-long ordeal with gratitude.  I’m thankful for the doctors and nurses at Barnes.  I was in the very best hands and my doctors and surgeons are miracle workers. I’m thankful for all the prayers and Masses offered on my behalf.  I’m thankful for the priests who prayed for me, blessed me, and said Mass for my family and me in my hospital room:  Msgr. Breier, Father Mayo, Father Povis and Father Marco. God is good and I am grateful.  I’m thankful for the Core, the Crazy Rotations, the SRA community, the SLUH community, the SLUH Mother’s Club and Alumni Mother’s club:  your prayers and support of me and my family got us through!  Thank you for all the meals for my family and me...more meals than I know, I’m sure.  Thank you for the cards, Mass cards and flowers...I tried to personally thank you all. I’m sorry if I missed anyone.  

I’m thankful for my next door neighbors and friends, John and Diane Anderson. They took care of our dogs and treated them like members of their family. 

I’m thankful that my boys have good friends who checked in with them and looked out for them.  I am amazed at my sons’ resiliency. What they witnessed was not easy but it made us aIl stronger and closer and thankful for every moment we have together.  I’m thankful for my parents and my siblings.  They sat with me in the hospital when I was delirious and confused, and they supported Neal and my boys as only aunts, uncles and grandparents can do.

I am easily overwhelmed with emotion if I think about this past year too much. So I am choosing to remember all the love I was given and to simply be grateful for God’s healing blessings.