It's hard for me to say "chemo". I dislike the word almost as much as I dislike the actual drugs. I feel less scared this time around though, more prepared. It helps being surrounded by so many people that love me, that cheer for me and support me in every way. My girlfriends (and Emile) take turns hanging out with me at the treatment center keeping me hydrated, warm and as comfortable as possible. Friends call, send texts, comment on social media, all of which make my heart so happy. Emile makes me a healing veggie broth to get me through the 3 days of fasting pre and post chemo. 

I learned about fasting during chemo before I started treatment and I firmly believe that, paired with a vegan diet and lot's of love, it is the reason I can no longer feel the tumor. After one treatment! Initially the main tumor was palpable, that's how I found it (duh). Over the next 5 months I could feel it grow, pulsing, heavy and sometimes painful inside my body. Doubling in size until January when I finally established myself with a new Nurse Practitioner whom laid it out clearly "You need to get this checked out again. You need a mammogram." I had heard this in the beginning from a breast surgeon but wasn't ready take that step. I needed to process. Which meant a month or so of depression, a lot of tears but I eventually started to accept that this may be serious and I might lose a breast...or two. 

So I had another ultrasound January 15th. I had a biopsy of the main tumor and days later another on a lymph node in my arm pit. Things were not looking good. Results came back positive from both tissue samples. I was given a diagnosis; estrogen positive, progesterone negative, HER2 positive breast cancer. I spent the next few days unable to hold it together for long periods of time, sometimes crying uncontrollably for 30 minutes to an hour. Then I had a mammogram. The span of disease was extensive with two satellite nodules in addition to the main tumor and calcifications spread through roughly 5/8's of my right breast. FUUUUUUCK. Time to act. I had a CT/bone scan and good news! No sign of anything in my bones or the rest of my body. We met with Oncologists both medical and naturopathic, I established a team of professionals that I feel genuinely care for me. Two weeks after diagnosis I had a port placed in my chest and a catheter that goes into my neck, running down into a main artery. A bit of fear set in so I felt it, cried a lot then let go. Then I started chemo and two other drugs that work to target the HER2 nature of the cancer (something to google if you're interested). 

I'll share more as things progress. Thank you all so much for everything you've done, everything you will do, all your meals, love, happy thoughts and just general awesomeness. I love you all!!