2 years, 2 months and 4 days.  Or you could say 796 days.  OR 113 weeks and 5 days.  

It doesn’t matter how you count it, its still a huge amount of time.  And yet so short.  From the time she was first diagnosed (Oct 12, 2018) to the time she symbolically rang the bell (Dec 16, 2020) Amelia has endured her leukemia like a champ.  

It seems fitting as we all celebrate a new year that she ends that chapter of her life and starts a new one!  To close us out I thought it best that Mia gave reflections of her own vs my personal observations.  I’ve edited for brevity and clarity but tried to keep these words as close to her own as possible.  

Q:  How old were you when the doctors first determined you had cancer, and how old are you now that treatment is complete?
A:  I started as 9 and now I’m 12 and these people need to KNOW THAT I’M 12 lol!  

Q:  How was life before cancer?
A:  Thinking about younger years is hard, not nearly as many memories.  But something crazy happened in my life.  Before I even got diagnosed when I was a little younger, I always had this feeling or thought that I was actually going to get sick.  I never knew really what it was.  The first time I noticed it is when I watched the movie ‘Gods Not Dead.’  A girl was like ‘I’m too young to get cancer’ but she was like 27 and I’m thinking I’M too young to have cancer.  I don’t know, it was like a feeling.

My life I feel like really started when I first got diagnosed.  When you’re 9 you come into so much awareness of the world, the people and more.  Its the MAIN thing that happened in my life.  

Q:  What did you used to think the word ‘cancer’ meant?
A:  I’ve only really known small sicknesses so I didn’t really know what it was.  When I tried to picture someone having cancer before I always thought of a part in a Spiderman movie.  There was a bad dude in the bed who was dying, so I thought that cancer = dying in a hospital bed.  I didn’t really know anything at all so when I first got diagnosed it was weird and I didn’t know what to expect.  So like if I broke a bone or went to the hospital, this was weird sort of because it was so new and different from that.

Q:  What is cancer now to you, that you’ve been through it?
A:  My whole point of view completely changed.  No idea what it was going to be like to be honest.  I wasn’t even scared cause I really didn’t know what was coming.  Now I feel like its not that bad, because I’m not in the moment.  There WERE times where it was totally sucky but overall not even that bad cause I got used to it.  

Like one time I had to take steroids again [after already having them in the past before] and those make my legs really hurt and stiff with some other symptoms.  But when I was taking them that time at that moment I was like “how in the world did I even do this before?!?” cause it hurt so bad and it was painful and weird.  

Q:  What was the hardest part?
A:  I don’t really have one hardest memory, but it makes me think of the day I got my port put in all the way at the beginning.  It was so painful.  I woke up from anesthesia, had a popsicle, it was hours before I could move back into my regular room and then I was throwing up the whole day.  

And sometimes it was like my family didn’t totally get it except for my mom and dad.  My siblings didn’t really ‘get it’ and I understand why but at the same time it was really frustrating.  And sometimes they wouldn’t help or do things for me and I struggled with being angry and upset when I was already feeling bad.  (But then sometimes when I was getting better I would still ask them to do things for me and I could probably do it so I knew I was taking advantage but I feel like that’s something we all do.)

Q:  Weird question, but what was the best part?
A:  I got SO happy when the doctor said I could have whatever I was craving to eat!  I was like YESSSS!  Sometimes when I slept on the couch, even sitting up, and had to get a book or something to keep me entertained, I would grab this notebook.  I kept it full of food ideas, recipes I made up, some for tostadas which are my favorite food.  I even made some stories out of vegetables.  

Q:  Also an odd question, will you miss any part of it?
A:  Not necessarily but I’ve gotten really used to the clinic, the people, the feeling of being there.    The real reason of being there, how nice they were.  My life will just change now, so different.  Its like you’ll miss the stuff that happened but at the same time you won’t.  I’m NOT gonna be sad to not have the attention.  Everything I was used  
(before I had leukemia) to is gone, so its was and still is my new normal.

Q:  What do you think has changed the most about you?
A:  I feel like before I was diagnosed I didn’t have a close relationship with God- but through this whole thing I feel like I grew so much closer.  At the worst times I thought about Jesus carrying that cross for us, accessing the port, saying in my head ‘I’m carrying my cross’ and I just connected.  I could sense him there, talking conversations, wasn’t just in my mind.  Its harder for me now to talk to him, doubt creeps in, questions, its been hard recently.  I don’t want that [cancer] but I crave that same relationship again someday.

Q:  How did you feel when you rang the bell (indicating the end of treatment)?
A:  When I was younger, getting through treatments, I passed through the hallways seeing that bell and I just WANTED so much to ring it.  But now its so much more personal and complex, it didn’t feel like what I thought it would feel like when I actually rang it.  

Q:  What is your hope for the new year?  Or for the future in general?
A:  At a point in my life I actually came to realize that if I died today I’d actually want to go to heaven.  I feel like I want to become a saint and live my life to the fullest.  I never know when I’m going to die.  I think I’ve realized what I struggle with- its how I act towards my family, cousins and friends.  I need to work on my PATIENCE.  Like when I get frustrated with them.  I really want to get better at that, without pressure, really want to actually WORK on it instead of it fade away in my mind.  And my really big hope for the future is to have kids someday!  

If only we could all be so insightful, what a beautiful world this might be!  There are times where Mia can drive me nuts, and then she pulls out moments of pure discernment and joy which makes up for everything.  

As her aunt, watching her years of  treatment up close and yet not in her same household gave me a unique perspective.  I watched as there was pain and tears, sleepless nights, mood swings, weight fluctuations, hair loss and gain (and then loss and gain again), so SO many pills, fever hospital scares, Covid/Cancer worries, family frustrations, no appetite to massive food cravings, fighting skin and nail infections, mouth sores, school anxiety, countless texts and phone calls with Aubrey and so much more.  I was privy to the worst of it but freely admit didn’t have to live through it nor take care of most of it.  Its hard to be on the sidelines, wanting to do as much as possible but knowing there is only so much I could do.  

But there were absolute wonderful moments too!  Camp Care, the staff at every facility Mia every visited (ROCKSTARS), Cool Kids Club, Miracles for Mia concert in Colorado (love you family and friends!), birthdays, holidays, musicals, choir concerts, family prayer time and church visits, sooooo much support from family, friends and complete strangers (THANK YOU!) in the form of meals, money for medical bills, enough Beanie Boos to overtake the living room, a steady stream of cards, board games/card games/every kind of game, movies, 5,000 coloring books and journals, craft projects and a ‘no more chemo’ car parade complete with police escort!  Whew.  

I want to give one special accolade to Aubrey.  My absolute amazing sister-in-law and Mia’s mom/nurse/medical researcher/doting caretaker/chauffeur.  There has been no one during this entire journey who has poured in more effort, heart, physical strength and prayer than her.  She has been a power house of support (even when she had to fake it because she herself felt like crap), a master organizer, mama to her other 5 kids and incredible wife to Adrian.  I am in awe of her and hope she knows how much I (and everyone else) adores her.  THANK YOU Aubrey for being an example of Christ like love and helping Mia carry her cross.  

What a wild ride.  I am grateful its OVER and yet appreciative for the life changing lessons learned throughout.  For without adversity, how would we ever grow?  

Melissa Shearer