So I have some major things to catch you all up on...here goes.

I mentioned in my last update that I had two drains placed to manage the ascites fluid from home. Unfortunately, the procedure was difficult as I got a little panicky and should have asked for more sedation. However, it was successful and after several days, the pain started to subside. We also had trouble getting doctor's orders for after care and more supply kits (to do the drainages), but with the help of my amazing home health nurse, primary oncologist, drain supplier company, etc., we have gradually worked those things out.

It is a huge blessing not to have to plan ahead for drainage appointments or especially visit the ER for weekend and holiday drainages...but every time I drain fluid (which has been daily), I also lose hydration and nutrition. Keeping things in balance has proved to be quite a trial. Then this week, the drainage flow began to decrease significantly and when I got checked out with ultrasound yesterday, it was found that tumors, not fluid, are now taking up most/all of the space in my abdomen.

Amidst all of this, I have seen glorious answers to prayer and this past week in particular, I've been absolutely blown away by the many ways God has given me peace and confirmation regarding medical decisions. We heard about two possible treatment options (one standard medicine, the other a holistic option) and I prayed for clear, prompt answers on whether or not I should pursue either. Through three very caring and thoughtful doctors, I received a clear "no" about those treatments and it felt like God Himself closed those doors through the best, gentlest medical professionals I could ask for. Several of them have given me hugs and cried with me, including the nurse practitioner and nurse who checked on my fluid yesterday. I am so incredibly blessed by the people God has brought into my life along this journey.

All of that being said, I made the decision on Wednesday to switch from home health to hospice (same agency). Over the past few months, I have been mulling over that decision and I've had several meaningful conversations with doctors, nurses, and friends about the philosophy behind hospice (which I highly recommend looking into if you're at all interested). For me, it's not about focusing on death and dying, but on comfort, quality of life, and spending time with those I love, however long or short that may be. As soon as I made that decision, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and my nights (which have been restless lately) have been filled with a greater awareness of His abiding presence.

It's not to say that things aren't difficult. "Basic" things like eating, drinking, getting around the house, having the strength to get up, etc. are becoming increasingly harder. I would greatly appreciate prayers that I will lean into God's grace moment by moment and that He will keep my eyes fixed on Him. Furthermore, this is of course so hard for the ones I love, especially my family - so please keep us all in your prayers.

Only God knows how long I have left, but there are indicators that I may be on the home stretch for Heaven. ...and when I think of seeing the face of Jesus...oh the joy and hope! It goes beyond words. What a day it will be when I am finally Home with Him for all of eternity.

Love you all so much.

**Important note: I don't have much energy for phone calls, visits, texts, etc., but as my mom and I were talking today, I realized that notes or letters in the mail would be a wonderful gift if you want to send something. Our address is 1051 Aspen Brook Lane, Gardnerville, NV 89460. 

Finally, want to end with these verses that are giving me great comfort:

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. -Psalm 139:5-6