Journal entry by Ali Nelson —
So surgery was 2 weeks ago tofay, and rather than bore you with the good, bad and ugly of recovery so far I thought I'd share a dream I just had.
#HBO are you awake? Because I am pretty sure I just had a dream that leads me to believe we need to hook up so you can film me during a one night stand act (get your filthy whore minds out of the gutters....I am a respectable Hispanic/Latina New Yorker...who happens to look as all American Pie as they come....but I digresss...minds out of gutter is my point)!
I'm sure the meds from my recent mastectomies and bodacious tata's reconstruction just a few days ago had NOTHING to do with this dream either.
So...there I am, driving my dear friend (whom I shall not name until I get her permission for the sake of not embarrassing her...or sharing royalties if #HBO actually reaches out to me)...I know...another digression, but remember...drugs here people!)
Ok, so I am driving her to the VRE (Virginia Railway Express Kiss and Ride...did I mention I haven't lived in NYC in 31 years) because she wants to catch the bus to a new job. Traffic in Northern Virginia is a nightmare, so this is the only logical part of this story.
But alas, the bus driver leaves before she is is scheduled to, making me drive like a maniac down the wrong way trying to catch up with her cursing like a sailor the whole way.
Then I can go no further because some guy (handsome as I recall) is standing there in the middle of the street filming a Tik Tok or some such thing. But I'm anxious to get him out of the way so I can drive my friend to work! So I jump out and proceed to complete whatever task he was performing at hand (can't remember...drugs people, I said it before), but somewhere in there I cut lose a bunch of murder boob jokes, probably asked if he wanted to see them because all but the Queen herself I think has seen or had a hand on them these past few weeks (he laughed and declined) and then kindly "moved his ass" for me so I could take my friend to work. But before that he quickly jotted down his info in case I wanted to join him to make more Tik Toks because he thought I was "hilarious".
As he is doing this 2 other guys (twins I believe...I must have been watching one of those Property Brothers shows at a recent doctor's office...also come up and give me their info and say they want to work with me too.
Great...now GTFO of my way guys, I still have to get my friend to work!
But FML because the road has now crumbled before and behind my van and I have no way around it. So while everyone is politely chatting with each other I grab a bunch of science experiment stuff I have in my van (even though I haven't been a Mad Scientist in about 5 years) and I proceed to set up my phone to record while I make things blow up, make huge piles of elephants toothpaste explode everywhere all the while cracking murder boob jokes and having a jolly old time! And by blow up I mean scientific Bill Nye style (except I am virtually topless because I am currently not allowed to wear bras and well....the drugs I am currently taking for all of this....stay with the program people!)
So everyone comes over (meaning strangers I just flashed and un-named BF (remember...keeping her anonymous until I get permission to put her name out there or withhold royalties once this story goes viral) and they are all surely blown away by my insanely witty humor, ability to just do crazy fun random shit out of nowhere and immediately start calling their agents to sign me up with them. But honestly I think it was my new, bodacious tata's that really sold them.
I'd love to know what happened next except my cat decided to walk across my chest at that very moment in rral life which not only woke me up, but I'm pretty sure I have accidentally launched her into the next neighborhood...sorry Latte, the boobs are still very tender right now.
OK #HBO...the ball (and possibly cat) are in your court. I look forward to hearing from you!
Goodnight everyone...I'll be here all...well...for a very long ass time because #FuckYouCancer, you can't get rid of me that easily!
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