Posting these on here from Facebook for those that don’t have Facebook. 

From sister Calayna 9/13/

As I drove home I refused to turn the radio on because I knew that every song would have me in tears. 15 minutes from home I pushed the radio button. Those words were literally the first words I heard. 

I’m not one that can speak my feelings outloud well and I struggled with finding the right words to tell my brother how I felt. He taught me lessons through life that I don’t think either of us even knew were lessons, he taught me even more through his battle and he taught me an overwhelming amount and afforded me the best gift possible through his passing. Being able to show my love for him without words by helping to take care of him in his last hours and holding his hand as he took his last breath was the most amazing experience I could have ever had next to the birth of my children. 

We may never understand the “why” but through Alex’s battle we have seen so many blessings and we have seen God work in so many unimaginable ways. Knowing that he is completely healed and free from pain gives us an immeasurable amount of comfort. 

You will forever be a part of us, Alex. We love you and miss you so much! 💗

“Is it just across the Jordan

Or a city in the stars

Are you singing with the angels

Are you happy where you are

Well until this show is over

And you run into my arms

God has you in heaven

But I have you in my heart” 

- TobyMac, 21 years

From sister Briana on 10/12 /20 

 30 days! 30 days since your last breath! 

It’s been 30 days since my brothers passing. If you've talked to me I’ve probably told you "I'll be okay, just keep my sister-in-law and parents in your thoughts".  I thought it would be easier on me but with time I find myself having regrets, wishing I had more time to talk about things I thought made us so different but turns out we were more alike than I ever imagined. 

In the past 30 days I have learned so much, so much about love & grace and who I want to be. 

I’ve learned how incredibly awesome my sister-in-law is and I'm striving to be anything like her.  She showed my brother so much love, during and even after his death. The depth of their love is truly amazing and my heart aches for her brokenness. I want to heal her but I can’t. I find myself full of regret that it took this long for me to develope a deep relationship with her. 

I learned that I am thankful Alex gave me this friendship even though he is not here to enjoy it. 

As sad as the last day with my brother was, I got to witness some of the most beautiful, selfless love from Lolo, my parents and sister Calayna and Jake. Recounting the last day and moments here wouldnt convey how amazing it was. I didnt think I wanted to be there for his last breath but so so glad I was there that day, evening and up to his last breath. 

I’ve learned to be forgiving because some of the things that make me angry really REALLY dont matter!! 

I’ve  learned the importance of calling, writing and reaching out, sharing stories to those hurting from death really is.  Nobody is "good at death" so dont let that hold you back from reaching out to others just to let them know you are thinking of them.

I’ve  learned its okay to talk about those who have passed. Dont feel like bringing up lost loved ones makes people sad or awkward, its cathartic. 

I’ve learned to make more time for friends & family. 

I learned that my husband is a rock and will do anything to support me and those I love. He listens to my attempt at being strong and listens to the tears and regret that I feel randomly. When alex told him he wanted a viking funeral he knew exactly what he was going to do for him. He's pretty darn talented at everything he does. Why he chose me, I don’t know. 

I learned I have a lot of soul searching to do.

  

I learned how our family can come together and pull of an incredible service for Alex. It was simply beautiful and so glad we were able to fulfill his wish and to do it at my home where he is here with us, always now!

Fly free but you are missed. We didn't get enough time. Hug those you love tight. Choose your words carefully. Wake up asking how you can love others better today.