10 Ways to Help During a Health Crisis

I have found a sincere ” I am so sorry you have to go through this,” while looking me in the eyes and or touching shoulder is very comforting.

Ask the caregiver how they are doing, then listen. It is very hard for the patient to watch the caregiver suffer and not be able to help. This is especially true for mother’s watching adult children struggle. Caregivers need care too.

I visited a friend whose husband was being treated for cancer. She had a very supportive church who helped them in so many ways including meals. They had a schedule but other friends brought things too. I noticed her fridge was full to the brim with leftovers. I asked if I could clean her fridge. Lots had become science experiments in the back. I also made sure to use soap to clean off the shelves, walls, drawers and door pockets so no germs were left growing there (Germs very bad for chemo patients). She almost cried when she first opened that door, saying it had become a task that literally faced her several times a day that she had no energy for. Another trip, a year later, I asked if she would like me to go through her pantry. She had always been a big cook and loved entertaining but now she had many things that had been open for over a year or were past expiration dates (check online about best by or best used by dates. They are not neccesarily throw away dates). She later said she was a little sad knowing there had been wasted food (I took the bags straight out to the garbage cans) but was happy for the space cleared out for things they were eating and relieved that she didn’t have to feel that way for each box or can she would have thrown out.
BE SURE TO ASK PERMISSION
A woman’s kitchen is her own. Whether she is sick or a caregiver, doing too much there can cause emotional upheaval if done without permission. And never throw out spices or condiments unless mold can be seen. They may only use a dash every month or two or a small jar may cost a mint.

Sometimes people don’t know what do say nor do in the face of illnesses and other things besides that confront them in life – so I find this articles somewhat shallow to begin with despite the it’s purported purpose to be a guide for others, just in case. Haven’t we all met the self-imposed martyr who refuses to ask for help but ceaselessly bemoans their troubles? Give us care takers a break for once.. And though you may try. there are those who refuse to be helped, even if you show up at the front door.

My grandson died in 2005 with congenital heart defects. We live in MS. Surgery was at CHOP in PA. Caring Bridge was a life saver . I have referred it to many friends, following the same with messages and donations to CB. Now following my son’s best friend. Thank you for this communication process.

This is excellent information. Many people in a stress situation similar to what you are mentioning, don’t wish to impose on friends, neighbors and family so will rarely ask for help. Those wishing to help rarely know what to do but really want to help. Even going for a visit to the person in need let’s them know they are not alone, calling to find out how they are doing is good to remind them they are not forgotten.

I had my hip replaced 2 weeks ago, and I’ve loved having friends bring lunch for us to share as we visit. I made a list of everyone who offered to help in any way, and emailed them to let them know what I needed. Everyone seemed grateful that they didn’t have to guess what would be helpful, and I have felt loved and supported throughout the process. One friend took me & my stuff to the hospital and waited until I was settled in my room. Another picked me up and took me to her home for several days, which was the best gift of all, since I live alone. Others have gone to the pharmacy or grocery store for me, and someone picked up my mail and brought lots of “get well” cards to me. Calls have meant a lot, especially when the friend asks what I need or would like. A small box of Valentine candy was a special treat.
Once when an acquaintance of mine was having chemotherapy, I offered to help in any way, but she declined, thinking that I should not be burdened. Then I offered specific help: to do laundry, run errands, clean her house, take her to appointments, or do anything that would be supportive. Finally she let me bring lunch to share while she took a treatment. To this day, years later, she still seems to appreciate that I persisted.

When my husband was paralyzed and in the hospital for 6 weeks (then came home a quadriplegic), I was exhausted, and other than the occasional meal, really had no support (we had just moved into the neighborhood 6 months before. I swore to myself then that I would make myself realize (for others) if I had to do something for me, others needed it, too….ie; mow grass, rake leaves and other yardwork (esp hard for me as we were in our late 60’s and as we both lost our incomes, couldn’t afford to hire it done, plus was afraid to leave him alone inside while I worked outside). Our children all lived away, so it was so hard for us. These are all such great suggestions!!!

A few years ago my father spent the last 9 weeks of his life between hospitals and nursing homes that were a couple hours away. Quite often I had yo drop everything to go there. It was exhausting. Many people offered to help but I just didn’t know what to ask for.

I had people offer to vacuum, dust, clean the bathroom. Some came multiple times a day to attend to our 3 dogs and even washed my dishes while here. One offered to run errands to the bank and post office. One offered to just come sit, listen and talk. All were such welcome gestures.

Tired of articles that do not acknowledge there are single, child free people who need and deserve support.

Don’t take a casserole made for 12 to a couple!

Help fold laundry or other mundane task.

Wash the car and clean the inside. Clean kitchen or bathrooms.

All of this great advice also applies when a child in the family is the person who is ill or recovering. Most thoughtful from that experience……A family member sent me cash with the instructions that I was to use it for parents meals and parking fees when our child was staying in the hospital. A couple of women from our church offered to babysit our other kids when we had to take our patient to doctor appointments and the hospital. Our neighbors made sure we had meals. Some friends brought books and toys appropriate for a child stuck in bed. I’m still amazed at the kindness of others!

Our daughter-in-law had a three-year battle with metatastic breast cancer. She was first diagnosed when their youngest daughter was 4 months old and she passed away when that same girl was 3 1/2 and her sisters were 5 and 6 1/2. During that time their church, family, friends, and even strangers helped them in so many tangible ways. One woman sent her housekeeper over once every two weeks for a thorough cleaning while others came once or twice a week to pick up, vacuum and clean bathrooms. One woman took their laundry home and returned it the next day for over a year. Others would walk the older girls to and from school. Meals were provided every other day for over three years and including a few months after her passing. Gift cards and cash were provided in abundance. One woman shopped for them once a week for the last year, using the gift cards that were given. A neighbor that they didn’t know offered to get rid of a small tree that had fallen down in their front yard. He asked their closest neighbor if that would be OK with them. Another family took in their dogs for a few months during her chemo/radiation. Another would walk the dogs. She was showered with cards, calls, visits, and small gifts. Gifts included lotions, quilts, books, fresh flowers or plants, dvds to watch with the girls, toys and books for the girls. Others took their girls out two Saturdays a month: to MacDonalds, a local park, a play date with their own kids, for a sleepover, etc. Three wonderful ladies provided day care on a rotation basis for the last year. Two years later one woman still helps out once a week! One woman who has an art school provided free art lessons for the two older girls and to this day all three girls attend there for free! Their church family was amazing throughout this time. They provided free counseling for the girls, built a wheelchair ramp, and even paid some of the medical bills and also paid for the funeral expenses, including buying the burial plot for her. After her passing, several women from the church made a quilt for each girl, using their Momma’s tee shirt collection. Some friends pooled their money to send our son and his wife on a cruise to celebrate their 10th anniversary. I could go on and on, but every little gesture encouraged and comforted them. We have seen how God has provided in the midst of their tragedy, even to allowing our son to work from home.

Arrange to pick up dirty laundry and deliver washed and folded.

Offer to run errands or wait for a repairman

Plant flowers or pull weeds. It’s very cheering if someone is usually a gardener.

Before my surgery, my friends helped me throw a ore-mastectomy party. Women from all pats of my life came together for a meal and to share how they met me. That brought gifts of books, movies, and toy animals. We took a moment to honor the women we have known who have had breast cancer, some living and some not, like my mother-in-law. I had a sign up calendar for meals and rides to appointments afterwards when I couldn’t drive, and babysitting. 21 years cancer free now. Today is my birthday, and I am never complaining about getting older. Some aren’t so lucky.

A crisis is often not just the one moment, often things are going on for weeks before and/or after so things can pile-up. We had a late-term pregnancy loss and I was on bed rest for a while before, and was very weak for a while afterward from hemorrhaging during delivery. Being in crisis and healing mode for a few weeks, our lawn was badly in need of mowing. Our neighbor came over and mowed our yard…didn’t ask, just came over and did it. I still cry thinking about how sweet that was of him.

Drop off paper products to cut down on dishes – paper plates, cups, bowls, even toilet paper, garbage bags. Foil and ziplock baggies help with leftovers (include a marker for labeling).
A gallon of milk and a box of cheerios will help with little ones.

When a parent is the one affected, the kids sometimes get lost in it all. Offer to take kids for a bit so partners can have special time together. Transport, attend, support the kids activities if neither parent can make it. Stay with the ill parent so the other may spend time with or attend the kids activities. Offer to video and photo so the ill parent may share in activities, even if not immediately.

I take paper goods, paper plates, cups, napkins, plastic flatware, zip loc bags (for storing leftovers), paper towels, garbage bags, and yes, even toilet paper to ease their burden of doing dishes or having to run to the store for needed items.

Thank you it will come in handy for the next time!?

Send them a housecleaning service for a single clean. It is especially helpful before a holiday or a sad occasion.

I have found that paper products are nice…paper plates, napkins, facial tissues, bathroom tissue, paper towels, etc.

When my sister was spending a lot of time in the hospital due to cancer, friends gave us gift cards and money for buying food and parking. We found that very helpful. Later when my sister was on hospice care, friends would come stay with her for an hour or two so my parents could get out of the house, whether to grocery shop or enjoy a meal out. I found during that time they wanted to go to restaurants very close by. They didn’t want to be away more than an hour or so, not knowing what would happen with my sister.

One thing I received during my 2 years of treatment for cancer was a themed gift bag. I received a “sunshine” bag – yellow bag with all yellow items. I was given a highlighter for when I was doing research, a yellow notepad, a pair of slippers, a yellow candle with a flowery scent: add anything you can think of. I also received an “I love you” bag with Hershey’s kisses and hugs (kids LOVED that part), a pr of fuzzy socks with hearts, and other odds and ends. I’ve now gifted this several times and it’s so much fun to do. You don’t have to spend a ton of money to put a smile on someone’s face!

And health crisis could also be emotional or mental health. I live in rural county where garbage pickup is unavailable. I Have a friend whose husband was dying of brain tumor and bed bound. I rented her a small dumpster to help with not just garbage but bed pads, etc. she’s mentioned many times how it was probably the most thoughtful “gift” she received.

If there are extra people in and out of the home, consider dropping off paper products. A bag of paper towels or toilet paper, paper plates and paper bowls. Anything you might use to make daily life easier. If there are young children, disposable diapers and wipes is one less thing for the family to keep up with.

I recently was on the receiving end of a meal train while visiting my sister who is ill. While we very much appreciate it all the donations, much of the food was tomato-based such as lasagna and spaghetti. They didn’t always set while on her stomach. I realize everyone’s “comfort food “ is different, but a chicken pot pie from Costco really hit the mark for her. Not spicy but still very flavorful and easy to warm leftovers in the microwave

Run errands, do grocery shopping, pick up RX, or give ride to appts.

When it’s on chemo, friends would come over and clean bathrooms, floors, Kitchen and dust every other week. It was awesome They also made sandwiches I could freeze and brought individually wrapped snacks, chips and drinks for my kids lunch each week.

Bring a few DVDs and let the “patient” choose one you can watch together. The caregiver can watch, too, or use the time to get out of the house for errands, a couple hours respite, or both. DVDs provide companionship without either the patient or visitor having to come up with small talk for two hours.

My husband’s best friend would visit him at home. They would talk and laugh while I did housework. Hearing them made me feel relaxed and cheerful.

The thoughts than run through my head about CARING BRIDGE, simply enforce the healing process for one’s motivation for recovering. The personality of a person caring too share with another; is truly a reflection n of love for one another. I know; just sitting here at 4 am in the morning and making this journal entry makes me feel better to know someone else can use it maybe no w or later. God Speed Pete

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, a couple of well wishers sent me headcovers and a wig. I had not even thought about planning that far ahead but it was a very good idea to do so. Their foresight was very helpful.

I have a couple of friends that just say ‘I’m coming over to clean your house.’ One has a key and will just come and doit while I’m at work. That helps a lot, especially when my energy is really low.

When the sick person or care giver asks you to do something, say yes. Following up on a “let me know what I can” offer, I asked a friend to change the batteries in the smoke detectors. It very quickly turned into her asking me to make a honey do list that could be tackled. Honestly, I didn’t have the time or energy two weeks after my husband died, I just needed the batteries changed. I asked someone else who arrived with batteries in hand.

Offer to run errands. post office, dry cleaners, drug store grocery store, etc.

Contacting me and saying your grass will be cut indefinitely. Don’t worry about it. Also saying can I take Kirk to one of his appointments this week. What day is good? Or let us make arrangements to take him this week and you take care of things at home. Then contacting me and telling me who is driving him what days. It was often very early appointments and living fifty miles away and with Atlanta traffic that was a huge gift. Just people taking charge (with my permission) and getting things done and giving me a desperately needed break. Huge.

When I started chemotherapy, a friend showed up with disinfectant hand sprays and wipes, and paper towels to be used instead of hand towels for the bath rooms and kitchen towels plus a couple of boxes of tissues.
Oh, yes, germ patrol!
Another friend left items at our door. There were notes, quotes and other items that made us smile when we found them.

I have Stage IV breast cancer, which means that the cancer has spread to other parts of my body. In my case, to the lymph nodes, a small bump near my clavicle and a small spot behind my lung and chest plate. One of the MOST CRUCIAL things is that there is NO ONE one my team that knows ANYTHING about nutrition and how to get my immune system up and running! I talked to the nutritionist at the hospital (in her late 70s, about to retire) and when I asked about what I should do with my diet to help my immune system, she printed out a paper from the American Cancer Society – at least half of the foods were foods that would cause inflammation and feed the cancer and NOTHING that talked about eating ORGANIC. GMO foods have been proven, through research, to cause cancer and a myriad of diseases. (The research, requested by Monsanto, was done in England in the 80s. The doctor in charge of the research did NOT know that it was a secret research and talked about his findings at a seminar where he was speaking. His wife called him after the seminar and told him that the company that he worked for had sent people over to their home and confiscated all of his research and all of their computers – and that he had been FIRED! He had not been told that his finding were to kept secret. He honestly thought that Monsanto wanted to know the information so that they did not harm the people in the United States. No! Monsanto then planted GMO crops here so that we could become ill and need their pharmaceuticals and become RICH.)
The importance of eating organic should be at the TOP of the list of things to do – for anyone with an illness, especially if that person has cancer.

The synthetic pesticides are cancer causing as well. So, even if a plant is non-gmo, it can still be, and probably is being sprayed with chemicals that will cause cancer. No amount of washing can get rid of this, it has penetrated the food itself. GMO means genetically modified organism. It means that two of the sugar molecules have been spliced together to create a poison. This makes the plant undesirable to insects that might plague the plants. It also makes it poison to us humans.

There are MANY kinds of alternative therapies to cure cancer. Just go to YouTube and look at The Truth About Cancer. You will be amazed!! Hypothermia clinics (using heat treatments and low dose radiation, can cure people in about 4-7 sessions. Price is prohibitive $1400/session, if you are on Medicare it is MUCH CHEAPER as Medicare has to pay for your drugs, not sell you drugs. So, it is in their best interest to cure you. The hypothermia clinic in the Los Angeles area told me that if I was on Medicare the cost would be 20% of what Medicare would allow. They would not tell me how much that was, but I know it was NOT $1400. So, let’s say it was $800. That would be $160/session. Now that IS doable! And you do NOT have to be 65 to get Medicare. You can get on Medicare if you have a life threatening illness. It takes about two years, maybe less with a special attorney. You can be

Dr. Veronique Desaulniers cured her breast cancer with black paste. She is also on YouTube. She even has a video that is pictures of her applying the black paste over the course of 45 days. The cancer tumor was about the size of a golf ball. She said that black paste, which has been used for hundreds of years, draws out the bad stuff in the body – and this can be painful. She said that hers was very painful – and should only be used as a last resort. She was under care of a doctor who prescribed pain medication for her. The pictures are not at all graphic, but they are very informative.

I have stage IV breast cancer and right now I am physically doing pretty well. I was diagnosed about six months and during the initial phase a friend set up a Meal Train which was extremely helpful for my husband and me. What I find most helpful right now is when friends and family let me know they are thinking of me with a card, text, call, email. And I appreciate the comments on Caring Bridge when I post. Feeling forgotten by a few friends is very painful. Don’t wait for your ill friend or family member to ask for help – just get in there and do something! The sick person does not have the mental energy to orchestrate what to do. And keep in touch, that kind of support is extremely helpful to me. Be empathetic and think what you would like if it happened to you and then do it! I am extremely grateful for love and support I have received.