7 Ways to Console Someone Going Through a Hard Time
CaringBridge Staff | 06.23.23
Knowing how to console someone going through loss or hardship is always a challenge. You certainly don’t want to say the wrong thing, but saying nothing could be just as hurtful.
We asked the CaringBridge community for helpful words and ideas to share with someone in need of some consoling.
1. Be There for Them
We show up for the people we care about. Being there for someone can mean a lot of things, but most importantly: make sure you remain present throughout (and after) their crisis.
If they’re in the hospital, make sure to visit. Pick up the phone and give them a call, just because. Show up in the ways you know you’d need it, if you were in their place.
“I’m here for you” is a good place to start.
Diane Hollister
“I am always here for you. Stay positive. I will pray for you. Stay strong.”
Kitty Courts
“Just letting them know, you are there anytime day or night.”
Patty Smith
2. Tell Them (and Show) That You Love Them
Those three little words, “I love you,” can make a bigger impact than you know. During a difficult time, your family member or friend needs all the love they can get.
Beyond expressing your love with words, your actions can speak volumes as well. Offer to help out around the house, start a fundraiser, or give a thoughtful gift. It’s important to consider something practical that they would find useful or reminds them of a more positive time in their lives.
Here are some more ideas to show someone you love them.
3. Let Them Know You’re Thinking of Them
Letting your loved one know they’re on your mind or in your prayers is a thoughtful gesture for someone who needs some consolation. If your loved one is okay with it and would appreciate this gesture, consider starting a prayer chain for them. It can be a powerful symbol of the support all around them.
4. Take Time to Listen
Showing up for someone is more than just what you say: it’s how well you listen. When your loved one is going through a difficult time, they may just need someone to ask them how they are really doing, and give them their full attention.
Letting them talk through what’s going on can be incredibly healing – and all you need to offer is an ear to listen.
“They just need you talk to them like a good friend. Ask them how they’re doing and taking time to listen is what they need most.”
Sharon Gray
“More importantly, make sure you listen to them – for a month, a year, ten years – however long it takes.”
Sally Killean Comparetto
“Sometimes just the quiet time you spend with others is so important. Listen to them, don’t ask how are then walk away. Saying I love you and giving them a hug is one of the most important things you can do. If the covid pandemic has taught us only one thing. It is, you never know how long we will be here so take the time to reach out to our friends and family today not tomorrow.”
Corrine M.
5. A Hug Can Speak Volumes
Hugs can make your loved one feel supported and cared for during a challenging time. There are actually scientific reasons behind this. Hugs can increase your oxytocin, which is a chemical associated with happiness and less stress.
Provided you feel comfortable enough to do so, open your arms wide and give your loved one a warm embrace. It might be just the thing they need to feel consoled.
“Just be there with hugs and say, I’m so sorry!”
Tommie Lois Thompson
“When someone is consumed by grief, worry, fear, physically speaking may seem impossible. Your throat swells shut and breathing is difficult. Just be there to sit with them or hold a hand. Don’t expect them to be able to verbalize their feelings, wants or needs. Be there, put your arm around them, rub their back – these gestures can help them work through that moment in a bigger way than talking.”
Linda
6. Share Memories
If your friend or family member has lost a loved one, sharing stories of happier times can be truly heart-warming. They can cherish those memories forever.
“When I lost my son the one thing that comforted me was knowing that people could share stories about him with me. It has been 3 years and 10 months and I can still replay those stories in my mind – knowing how much he meant to others brings warm memories to me.”
Lynn Contino
“Share stories and not just at the funeral home. If you remember something later, find a way to share.”
Stacey Naylor-Fancelli
7. Continue Offering Support
Oftentimes, a person needs the most support in the weeks and months after a distressing event. It’s important that no matter what you do to comfort your loved one, you continue showing up for them.
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How Do You Console a Loved One?
We hope these 7 ideas offered some guidance on what to say, or do, for your loved one. If you have any other ideas, we’d love to hear them! Please leave a comment below with your advice.
Main Photo Courtesy of Adair Rutledge
Candi pasco.hello Tony .I wanted to say that I know it’s hurts but if anyone can it’s you.like you taught me.own.love.push..isnt your new grand baby girl so darn pretty ..can you have visitors yet .I just prayed for u tony..my little family is yours to and we need u .so get well soon ..lots of 💕💕💕💕💕
Sometimes just the quiet time you spend with others is so important. Listen to them, don’t ask how are then walk away. Saying I love you and giving them a hug is one of the most important things you can do. If the covid pandemic has taught us only one thing. It is, you never know how long we will be here so take the time to reach out to our friends and family today not tomorrow.
Dear Cheryl:
My prayers are most definitely with both you and your very special family, especially and most of all, Pastor Dave is now home 🏡 with the Lord!
Also wishing both you and your very special family a Blessed Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year most of all, as well! 🦃🎄🥂
❤ Brother Bill
One of the really sad things is the lack of human touch during the worst of the virus. I was already missing the touch of my husband and then could not give/receive hugs from friends and family.
Also enjoyed stories of our life together and things he did for others. peace, Barb
I very much appreciated the article (7 Ways to Console Someone). A lot of people feel great sympathy for another person’s loss or illness, but are just unsure of how to express that. I think your thoughts and guidance on sickness and death is very needed. I recently sent a sympathy card to a mom whose daughter had passed away unexpectedly. She sent me a note back telling me how much she appreciated that. Just acknowledging a person’s grief is comforting. Thank you CaringBridge for all you do.
Thank you for the reminders of things to do to help console a friend going through a hard time. You’ve listed some good ones. And one reader comment also hit home for me. The mother of a deceased son said she loved hearing stories about how her son had helped other people. Our son died 15 years ago, and I agree with the mother that those stories of how people were helped by our sons stick with us. You’d sometimes think that the parents wouldn’t remember a story because they’re in shock and might not react at the time they’re told, but I’m proof that the stories honoring our son mean a lot, even 15 years later.
I think that a website that gives all concerned friends & relatives the same information, like a newsletter, is unsatisfying for the caregiver, and grossly depersonalizes the recipient of the care.
Everyone is not entitled to, or interested in the same information. And the way I tell my story to someone else depends on specifically what I have in common with that person.
This may be a cute little income stream for Caring Bridge, but otherwise it’s a horrible idea.
If a close loved one dies, would it be ok for me simply to send a video player to the viewing, where attendees could just click a button and hear my story, in exactly the same words?
This little scheme actually flies in the face of the advice you’re giving others about how to care for the caregiver.
Well you will be there to comfort them, if they want to talk I should listen, let them start the conversation. Only give an opinion if they ask for it. I’m there with my friend in body, and I Listen and give answers if they want my opinion. And I ask to pray if they want too.God bless them. Let them grieve the best way they can. That’s my way of comforting my family and friends and others.
We are collaborative global community for anybody who finds their purpose in helping others and this community combines tens of thousands of practitioners and the largest database of luminaries.
When someone is consumed by grief, worry, fear, physically speaking may seem impossible. Your throat swells shut and breathing is difficult. Just be there to sit with them or hold a hand. Don’t expect them to be able to verbalize their feelings, wants or needs. Be there, put your arm around them, rub their back – these gestures can help them work through that moment in a bigger way than talking.
The offer of prayers is not welcome by all. Could be negatively received by some.