A Journey of Kindness and Grace

Friendship of any kind has its path of twists and turns, and a friendship of almost 40 years has a journey of many stories.

When Stephanie Grant and Kate Ashley met at Princeton High School in 1985, little did they know of the twists their friendship would take and how they would be stronger than ever four decades later.

Similar yet very different, each followed their own personal journeys of education, passions, love and family. In 2009, they found themselves reconnecting via social media. Through heartbreak, they were living similar roles as single mothers of two children—determined, strong and proud. Both women credit this resilience to growing up in a small Ivy league town, where women were independent and strong-willed.

Although they were now living 2,300 miles apart—Kate working in tech in Seattle, and Stephanie in mental health in South Carolina—they picked up where they left off, vibrant and tenacious as ever. Talking almost daily, they shared their sarcasm, wisdom, humor and so much more.

During one of their phone calls in March 2023, Stephanie shared with Kate that she was experiencing extreme shoulder pain.  With sarcasm and grace, Kate reminded Stephanie that she worked in a hospital, and maybe it would be a good time to have it looked at.

This is where their friendship would be tested to the core.

“I thought I’d pulled a muscle,” Stephanie said. “I went to the doctor and they said it was beyond the scope of what they do. I went to see an orthopedic specialist. He said it was beyond the scope of what he does. And then he referred me to an oncologist.”

Scans showed that a large tumor had broken Stephanie’s clavicle and was one of many that had metastasized. Her diagnosis was stage IV breast cancer—it had spread to her lymph nodes, bones and spinal cord.

“It really shocked both of us. We were hit by a train,” Kate said.

While they were completely blindsided, Stephanie and Kate came together to align on the best steps forward. For Stephanie, it was a rollercoaster of emotions, fear, and even dark humor. The support of family and friends was essential.

At the beginning of May, Kate set up a CaringBridge page to help communicate to a broader community and provide the medical facts of Stephanie’s cancer journey.

“Instead of using a platform like Facebook where people can be very judgmental, I wanted to use CaringBridge— caring is in the name, and people want to know your story,” Kate said.

Originally, the purpose of CaringBridge was for Stephanie to share her story with cancer; yet, with the effects of chemotherapy, this wasn’t an option.

“So, I have been her voice on CaringBridge, which are big shoes to fill,” Kate said. “It’s quite an honor.”

And so Stephanie’s story unfolded on CaringBridge—from current updates, to numerous emotions, to fears of the unknown. Diving into all of the resources CaringBridge has to offer, Kate linked a GoFundMe, an Amazon Wish List and a Meal Train, all in hopes to alleviate some stress off Stephanie and her children.

With the help of very special friends and family, they raised enough money to help with treatment costs and feed Stephanie’s family of three. CaringBridge was able to help reach loved ones across the country. Stephanie and Kate soon realized that people’s ability to extend kindness and grace during a difficult time can be boundless if you let them.

“In this last year, Kate has taught me how to soften myself a little bit, how to be open to other people wanting to help. That was very hard for me, accepting help from other people,” Stephanie said.

Kate added, “Stephanie has seen kindness and grace in her own community, through her colleagues, her alumni from USC and Princeton High School, where they honored her at her 35^th reunion last year. It’s something we talk about a lot. The world has become mean. And CaringBridge has not only given us the opportunity for me to help be her voice, but also to say there are good people out there, we have a story, and we have an opportunity to reach others.”

The kindness and grace that CaringBridge helped provide to ease Stephanie’s cancer journey has been a humbling experience for both.

For Stephanie, the perspective gained from such a devastating diagnosis has helped her in ways she never could have imagined, including the way she connects with her patients.

“It’s opened my eyes and heart to what patients I work with are going through, and it’s changed the way I work with people. It’s allowed me to take a step back. And rather than push, push, push to get the information, let’s stop. Listen. Take a moment and be here in this room as human beings. Let me hear what you’re going through. There are so many people living in the darkness or the shame. We’re human. It’s okay to give ourselves grace too.”

While her prognosis may be uncertain, it’s not stopping either Stephanie or Kate from appreciating every single day they have, and remaining in awe of the kindness and grace that still exists in the world.

“You have to have grace to be truly kind,” said Kate. “There is effort in it. That’s something that CaringBridge has helped with— for people to think about how they talk to people, how they open the door for somebody, how they look people in the eye.”

And for Stephanie, an important part of the journey is simply embracing it.

“It’s important to me that people embrace what they’re going through,” Stephanie said. “Embrace the unknown. We’re so uncomfortable with that. But the more you embrace it, breathe through it, and lean on other people as you go through what you’re going through, it makes it less frightening.

Whatever you’re feeling is to be expected. Allow yourself to have the opportunity to have the support that you need and embrace all those feelings and open up to people about what the fears are, because it makes it all less scary when you have people like Kate [by your side].”

As both anxiously await for the next tests and the unknown, one thing is certain. This lifelong friendship has become like family, and is filled with kindness, grace and love.