PLEASE READ and share if you are willing:
If you would be willing to share something of how Lillian touched your life, as family, a friend, or an even just an acquaintance, I would like to ask a favor.
Could you send me an object/trinket/bauble/etc that reminds you of her, a favorite memory, the place you met or forged a friendship, a place you discussed visiting someday, etc.
The object can be anything small that represents the former such as a piece of volleyball net, a magnet showing a place you visited, brass knuckles as a sign of her fight, a shot glass for a wild night, a map, a picture, a tire stem for a flat tire. Basically anything at all that’s tied to the former. Doesn’t need to me THE shot glass…just a shot glass.
I’d like to have these sent to me with a note (long or short) that tells the story of the object and it’s significance for you. I would like to read as many of these as possible but if it’s sealed in an envelope or something, it will stay that way.
I am hoping to add a little more context to her life, her influence as a person, and maybe hear a few new stories that she may eventually shared over the years.
To be clear, even if you only met her once, if she left an impression on you that you’re willing to share, I am interested. We are each the culmination of these little events and I’d like to know more of her legacy and be able to share that with anyone else interested, now or in the figure.
Two specific things I’d like to do is prepare the items and stories together for people to read at whatever equivalent we end up having for a wake by setting aside a somewhat private area where people can sit and think but also peruse these stories and items to get to know part of Lillian that may not have been available to them, or are just different from the Lillian they knew.
There is also a non-zero possibility that another couple may use the embryos we had developed after her initial diagnosis. If that happens, after I’ve spent time with the letters myself, I would like to hand the box off to the parents so, should a day come where they their child to know more about her, there will be some legacy to share.
The sooner the better as I’d like to have some or all of these available in a week or two, but if you find yourself motivated sometime further down the line, I would still be interested.
You can send these to me at:
9231 Newcastle Ave
Morton Grove, IL 60053
Previous intro:
Welcome to our CaringBridge website. We are using it to keep family and friends updated in one place. We appreciate your support and words of hope and encouragement. Thank you for visiting.
We are sure this will come as a surprise to many, but our feisty friend, Lillian, was recently diagnosed with a rare and very aggressive form of cancer, Neuroendocrine or NET and each nuance we learn of her condition funnels it further down the spectrum of rarity, even for NET. While she is not yet even 40, athletic, fit, cooks at home, has never smoked, and always takes her vitamins, cancer has decided to pick a fight with her.
In Lillian's case, cancer appears to have started in her lung before metastasizing to her lymph nodes, ovary, and brain so in the simplest of terms she has stage 4 lung cancer. We are waiting on the PET scan results which should tell us any other areas of involvement.
To add insult to injury, this comes at a time when the entire world, and specifically our medical community, has been brought to its knees by the global, respiratory pandemic COVID-19 that is crippling the resources she needs to fight this diagnosis both physically and emotionally.
Medical facilities are reduced to skeleton crews and medical staff members are all fighting fights of their own. Experimental treatment options that would otherwise be available are shut down at the national level due to fear of contaminating results and endangering patient lives. Every trip Lillian makes to the hospital (sometimes multiple times a day!) puts her at greater risk of catching the virus herself and she is already the epitome of the risk factor ‘underlying health condition’.
But worse than all of that, she is completely cut off from the many friends and family that love her. Shelter-in-place means no gathering with her volleyball crew or law school friends. She can't have a girls’ night out. She can’t even a quiet dinner at home her closest friends or family. There may be no worse time in modern history to go through this kind of hardship.
Through all of this, though, she remains strong and fierce and obstinate; all the things you would expect from her. And while she certainly goes through moments of rage and hopelessness and bewilderment, she also rolls out of bed every morning at 6 am, turns on her laptop, and goes to work improving the lives of others…just like the rest of us but with a crippling cough, a swelling brain, and an unanswerable but corrosive question, “Why me? Why is my body turning against me?”
Our hopes for this page:
· Better distribution of information:
Early on we were good about getting information out to various pockets of friends and family. But as more and more details arise it has become overwhelming to keep up. Specifics grow vaguer with each message and people get inadvertently left out of the loop.
· People want to know how to help:
Lillian has such amazing friends, family, and colleagues and so many of you want to know you can help. But without some way to funnel information and strategize, the requests become overwhelming and it’s easier to just say "Thanks but no thanks" when we really do need the help. With the resources this page provides, though, we hope to be able to actually ask for the help we need.
· We want Lillian to see the support network she has when she needs it most:
One of the most important parts of processing this harsh reality is finding opportunities to detach from it for a few minutes to groom the dog, binge some Netflix, or take a nap to recover a little before facing it all again. But with so many reaching out to check-in, offer a hand, or ask for an update those moments rarely last and every update she gives forces her to wrestle with all of those emotions again whether she's ready to or not. It's hard to fully appreciate a warm message when it comes at the cost of facing your own mortality.
Through this site, we hope to focus those updates and well wishes so that she can update when new information comes in and consume the good feeling when she needs them most.
· Sharing Lillian and sharing WITH Lillian:
As we add our stories and pictures, discuss what she means to us, recall the good and bad times that build our relationships it will help her see herself through our eyes so that she can continue to find the strength to fight this thing and win. Her mind is so full of medication schedules, survival rates, medical bills, and fear that she needs US to be her memories and give her reasons to keep kicking and screaming and clawing her way through this time.
So please help us push the isolation that his virus has cast on us aside and bring to light the love, friendship, and support that Lillian has all around her. If you'd like to leave a message for Lillian, click the "Well Wishes" link in the ribbon above or go to:
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillianwafford/guestbook 
