I have always thought it peculiar that roller coasters are frequently the main attraction at amusement parks. The word “amuse” conjures up thoughts that are pleasurable and fun –something that may put a smile on one’s face – rather than the distressed look that plants itself on my expression when I find myself in the midst of a deep plunge at an all too rapid speed. On Wednesday night, I felt like I was on a ride that would put any roller coaster to shame.

Lee and I had tucked the children into bed a little earlier than usual in hopes of spending some quiet moments together, when all of a sudden Daniel called from upstairs, “Mommy, my heart is hurting.” Having undergone a recent echocardiogram that came back normal, I had a feeling that Daniel’s real complaint may be some soreness around his surgically implanted portacath. Daniel loves to be tickled – which really means a gentle sweeping movement of my fingernails over his back and arms. I stretched out beside him and he seemed to relax. Fifteen minutes later, I attempted to sneak quietly to our master suite when I heard little footsteps escorted by sobs racing down the stairs. Lee met me in the living room and we both knew something was seriously wrong when Daniel requested to go see his doctor. With no fever, swelling, or redness to report to the on-call oncologist, it was agreed that the second visit of the week to the pediatric oncology clinic was in order early the next morning.

Lee and I tucked Daniel into bed with us and I kept my hand on his chest to make certain it was rising and falling throughout the night. The one wink of sleep I did get was interrupted between 1:30 and two o’clock AM. I must have dozed and awakened panicked that our son was not breathing. As I shook Daniel and called out his name loudly, Lee tenderly reached over and reassured me that everything was alright. I was having a nightmare. With my heart racing, I could not go back to sleep. I thanked the Lord for constantly being awake for us. Psalm 121:3 says, “He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber.” The Lord continued to shed light into the darkness as He encouraged me with an early – and unexpected – phone call from Mother as I got Caroline dressed for tennis camp and Daniel ready for his appointment. She had just taken daddy to the airport for a weekend speaking engagement in Austin, Texas. After relaying our little scare from the night before, Mama said that she would be happy to drive up if we needed her. Daughters always need their mothers! I admitted that though my eyes were opened, I was really asleep and could hardly wait to give her a big hug.

I felt guilty rushing to say goodbye to Caroline at tennis camp, as I informed the staff that Daniel would be unable to attend and that I might be late picking Caroline up right at Noon. There must be some connection between fatigue and fright as I let the tears trickle beneath my sunglasses undetected by Daniel as we drove down I-77 toward the hospital. Testing goes together with learning and I prayed that the Lord would find me faithful. I felt so weak – yet I understood that such is the point where God most often gets the greatest glory. Daniel was given a thorough exam. Dr. McMahon agreed that his chest pain was most likely from his port – or “badge” – as DeDah nicknamed it last summer. Due to our recent increase in activity, Daniel’s oncologist said the device may be shifting and causing some old scar tissue to stretch and detach. He also said that Daniel’s port may have fractured and that if I was agreeable to an upper body x-ray he would order one. The other option was to just continue to watch it since Daniel expressed no symptoms of infection. Being not too big a fan of radiation, I chose the latter. The smile on both Daniel’s and my face broadened when the good doctor checked “no restrictions” on the discharge papers.

I made it back in time to retrieve Caroline from tennis and covered her in kisses, probably overcompensating for the extra attention Daniel seems to demand of me. When I asked her what the kindest thing anybody said to her that morning was, Caroline replied beaming from ear-to-ear, “When one of the other players pointed to me and said, ‘I want her on my side.’” As we drove the short distance between the racquet club and home, I thought about the joy that comes to the Lord when we delight in “being on His side.” Colossians 3:12 declares, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved ...”. He has chosen me to be on His squad. He loves me. No matter how turbulent the circumstances or disruptive the situations, I know He is ultimately in control and I am on the winning team.

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