History

Thursday, June 5, 2008 5:57 AM CDT

Hello to all!

Here is the info for the Race for the Cure this Saturday. Plan on meeting at our usual spot (in front of Mi Cocinas at the Shops of Legacy) by 7:30 Saturday morning for our group photo. (Remember parking can be a bit challenging so please plan accordingly.)

Like last year, you may pick up your shirt, etc . at my house Friday from 9-5. The good news is our cost for the shirts was less than expected, they are $10 each! (If you are unable to make it by, just give me a call and we’ll work something out.) My home phone is 972-668-8542 and address is 4954 Northshore Dr // Frisco.

Don’t forget to pack your lawn chairs & a picnic lunch too and join us under the pavilion at the Plano Arbor Hills Nature Park following the Race. I look forward to seeing each of you then!

LOOKING RIGHT ~
Jenny

Friday, May 23, 2008 9:17 AM CDT

Hi Friends!

The Annual Race for the Cure in Plano is Saturday, June 7th. Jenny Gwynn is organizing t-shirts for Team Newman. Please read below and let her know if you want a team shirt.

Thank you and much love to all of you -

Holly

RACE FOR THE CURE - JUNE 7, 2008

Hello to all! As the Race day is fast approaching, I find myself experiencing a range of emotions as I’m sure you are as well. Indeed, it’s a difficult time for many of us but it’s also a time to come together and remember our precious Lynn on a day that was so important to her. Deadline for registering on-line to be part of the team is June 2, please take a minute and go to www.komennorthtexas.org if you still need to do so.

This years team t-shirts are $14 and available in a childs S (6-8), M (10-12) and L (14-16) and adult sizes S, M, L, XL and 2XL. Please email me at jennygwynn@tx.rr.com with your order by this Friday, May 23. Like last year, I will pass out the team t-shirts along with your registration packets a few days prior to the Race. Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks so much –
Jenny

Saturday, December 29, 2007 10:14 AM CST

A beautiful angel is singing in heaven..........

Dearest Lynn -

We miss you so much our hearts hurt. We continue to be blessed by your memory and love you dearly....always.

Your loving family and friends

Friday, December 14, 2007 4:45 PM CST

Dearest friends and loved ones –

This post has been composed SO many times in my head, in the middle of the night, as I have watched kids sleep, watched them play, watched them squabble, etc. Sometimes the words come easy and I know exactly what I THINK you may want to hear…other times I consciously begin to type, hoping the words will flow and they don’t. So….here I am….attempting to just get it out and praying God will direct my words.

It is odd sometimes, I miss communicating with you and miss reading your words in the guestbook but it also feels normal that the communication has slowed as it all started because of our beloved Lynn and she, is not physically with us anymore.

Alan Jackson’s “Let It Be Christmas” blares in my car many days…it is a beautiful song and there are times I love it LET IT BE!!! And other times, I am pained because life is just so different…..all at God’s hands…but different.

Let me give you a few updates:

Taylor is 10! Wow!!! Wouldn’t Lynn be so amazed by her smart big girl who is growing into such a wonderful young lady? Actually, we KNOW Lynn is proud of both her kids and is lovingly watching us with her angel eyes!! 

Taylor celebrated her actual birthday with a special dinner (specially prepared by Grammy and Paps) including a decadent ice cream cake with the cul de sac gang then a visit to the church youth group. Her real celebration came the following weekend when Dave offered and treated her to a day and evening at the new Dallas American Girl Store. Pampering (getting hair done), new outfits, dining out, shopping and a special sleepover at a great hotel were all things that she enjoyed. She felt special and was the “queen” for the day. Lynn would have LOVED every minute!!! Taylor had a new trendy outfit to wear with her buddies and she was a doll. When she tried on the outfit, she got the cutest look on her sweet face and that memory is forever burned in my mind….I promise to post a photo!!!

Taylor is such a good mix of her mom and dad…the crack up is she is not the shopper Lynn was (though the “women” in her life are desperately trying to train her on the enjoyment of this ultimate pastime!!). She has a mind that “knows what she wants”, she shops, finds it and is done. HA We cracked up at her as she made her way quickly through the AG store picking up her items and once purchased was ready to split to the hotel so she could “play”. LOVE THAT!!! Ashlynn and her other sweet buddy, Emily, would have been good to hang IN the AG store for the entire evening!! HA HA HA There was a great compromise and everyone had a delightful time.

Taylor is also a love…she adores the hugs and kisses and is at an age where she is soaking EVERYTHING in. She is smart, articulate, thoughtful, loving, tactful and changing as all girls do at age 10!!!

On to Jacob….he too, is growing into a wonderful, handsome young boy. His favorite pastimes are rollerblading, biking, scootering or playing video games with his buddies. Basketball and soccer continue to be his sports of choice and he is gaining an eye for discernment on becoming both a better defensive and offensive player at both sports. Jacob looks a lot like Lynn and loves new clothes!! He is cute and articulate and says some of the funniest things. For example, one day he was at my mom’s house (Mamie) and the boys had asked for some snacks. They were having Shrek Chicken Noodle soup, popcorn and lemonade (interesting combo but it is what the boys wanted!). Mamie lifted Jack up to pop open the microwave to get the popcorn out and Jacob sweetly said “You know Mamie, people say OLD people aren’t very strong but you are VERY strong!”. HA! Mom said she thought it was a compliment!!

Dave is doing well and keeping up with all the happenings and dealings within his group at Pepsi, managing the family and running marathons and ½ marathons…Go Dave!

Alessandra is the new au pair…she is sweet natured and great with the kids…they love her dearly. After some English classes this fall she is understanding and communicating more and more.

THE 3DAY WALK – I posted some pictures earlier on the website of the 3 day walk I participated in October with many others on the Holy Hooters Team. It was an amazing event…one to be done again and one I will never forget. Lynn was with us ever step of the way as we trudged along, sang songs, slept in hot pink tents, peed in too many porta potties to count!, remembered her in the beautiful white “remembrance” tent, laughed that if she was with us she would be walking too and sleeping in tents (NOT!)….she would have had us well outfitted though! SMILE ! What a blessing to have participated and to have walked with special friends that “did the journey” with Lynn as well….you all know WHO YOU ARE and how crucial you were to supporting the family and team during laughter, tears, memories and unconditional “love” through it all!!!

Recently, a website follower named Jill Herweyer emailed me….rather than re-write her words I thought I would post her email. I remember Lynn mentioning Jill…please visit her website! What an honor for Lynn….

“Hi Holly,
My name is Jill Herweyer and although we've never met I sort of feel like I know you. I was diagnoised with breast cancer about 2 and a half years ago- I was only 28 years old- fit, healthy, and with two little girls. I was scared and felt alone with very few people my age to talk to. No one in my family or circle of friends had battled this disease. Through caringbridge someone who knew me, also knew of Lynn. She was currently in remission at the time and was such an inspiration to me. We talked on the phone, she sent me fancy scarves, and notes of encouragement. I loved talking with her and was so inspired by her faith and her fight! I prayed long and hard for her and have read her caringbridge site since the day I "met her."

I'm writing because I have recently started a small company called Bella BaLoo (www.bellabaloo.com)-- I have always loved fashion and have loved design as well. Now that I'm feeling better I have started creating and designing trendy children's stuff and women's purses and belts. I was wondering if you would allow me to name my Breast Cancer Awareness belt Lynn's Belt and share on the website a little bit about Lynn. The proceeds from this Belt will go to support Breast Cancer Research. Being a survivor myself, I hold this dear to my heart. Please consider this- and talk to Lynn's family and see if it would be all right. I'm designing a new belt that would look different from the one pictured on the website- just for Lynn. It would be reversible with both sides having designs with pink in it!”

I don’t know about you but right now it seems SO MANY moments are tickled by a memory or thought of Lynn. I remember last year and how difficult it was seeing her health decline each day…yet Lynn’s family, Jenny, myself and others soaked up Lynn’s presence every moment we could. We are all going on as we must and as we should and as Lynn would have us….we are forever changed and will continue to remember Lynn lovingly and fondly and are forever thankful for the precious time and impact she made on each of us.

I was wondering if you could do me one very special thing….will you please sign on the guestbook one more time and write your favorite memory of Lynn? This will be a forever keepsake for all. Suzanne, Wayne, Terri, Gail, Dean, Tammi, Mo & kids, Dave, Jacob and Taylor are healing and moving forward and they love to remember the good and the fun of their precious daughter, sister, wife and mom. I thought if each of you could write something it would be a marvelous way to end this site. It will be a keepsake forever…capturing moments from all years of Lynn’s precious time on earth. This may be my last time to post but there will be one more before we officially “close” the website sometime in February.

Jacob queried his family the other day as to why one of his friends at school was the same age as he but was a grade ahead. You know…at that age……numbers matter!!! What a wonderful response he received when he was lovingly told that his mom made the decision to keep him home one more year just so he could be with her….what a priceless moment!

I read back on some of Lynn’s posts recently and found it amazing that amidst some of the darkest news and most challenging times she experienced with cancer, she found a great way to articulate it that always gave a “peace” that everything would be okay. It is okay….it isn’t as we desired but it is okay. Many days I ponder that and know she is looking on us lovingly from heaven…never seeing the mire of challenges we think we are in but looking at us through God’s eyes, with pure love. Lynn is healed and happy and a forever angel to each of us….now…how cool is that???

Thank you seems so small to each of you who continue to visit this site, supporting Lynn’s family and the friends - but WE MEAN IT - with ALL our hearts….THANK YOU! May God Bless each of you richly in the year ahead and may you never forget all the WONDERFUL and precious BLESSINGS you have been given…great and small.

Merry Christmas Everyone and………..Much love to each of you ~

Holly

Friday, December 14, 2007 1:23 PM CST

Dearest friends and loved ones –

This post has been composed SO many times in my head, in the middle of the night, as I have watched kids sleep, watched them play, watched them squabble, etc. Sometimes the words come easy and I know exactly what I THINK you may want to hear…other times I consciously begin to type, hoping the words will flow and they don’t. So….here I am….attempting to just get it out and praying God will direct my words.

It is odd sometimes, I miss communicating with you and miss reading your words in the guestbook but it also feels normal that the communication has slowed as it all started because of our beloved Lynn and she, is not physically with us anymore.

Alan Jackson’s “Let It Be Christmas” blares in my car many days…it is a beautiful song and there are times I love it LET IT BE!!! And other times, I am pained because life is just so different…..all at God’s hands…but different.

Let me give you a few updates:

Taylor is 10! Wow!!! Wouldn’t Lynn be so amazed by her smart big girl who is growing into such a wonderful young lady? Taylor celebrated her actual birthday with a special dinner (specially prepared by Grammy and Paps) including a decadent ice cream cake with the cul de sac gang then a visit to the church youth group. Her real celebration came the following weekend when Dave offered and treated her to a day and evening at the new Dallas American Girl Store. Pampering (getting hair done), new outfits, dining out, shopping and a special sleepover at a great hotel were all things that she enjoyed. She felt special and was the “queen” for the day. Lynn would have LOVED every minute!!! Taylor had a new trendy outfit to wear with her buddies and she was a doll. When she tried on the outfit, she got the cutest look on her sweet face and that memory is forever burned in my mind….I promise to post a photo!!!

Taylor is such a good mix of her mom and dad…the crack up is she is not the shopper Lynn was (though the “women” in her life are desperately trying to train her on the enjoyment of this ultimate pastime!!). She has a mind that “knows what she wants”, she shops, finds it and is done. HA We cracked up at her as she made her way quickly through the AG store picking up her items and once purchased was ready to split to the hotel so she could “play”. LOVE THAT!!! Ashlynn and her other sweet buddy, Emily, would have been good to hang IN the AG store for the entire evening!! HA HA HA There was a great compromise and everyone had a delightful time.

Taylor is also a love…she adores the hugs and kisses and is at an age where she is soaking EVERYTHING in. She is smart, articulate, thoughtful, loving, tactful and changing as all girls do at age 10!!!

On to Jacob….he too, is growing into a wonderful, handsome young boy. His favorite pastimes are rollerblading, biking, scootering or playing video games with his buddies. Basketball and soccer continue to be his sports of choice and he is gaining an eye for discernment on becoming both a better defensive and offensive player at both sports. Jacob looks a lot like Lynn and loves new clothes!! He is cute and articulate and says some of the funniest things. For example, one day he was at my mom’s house (Mamie) and the boys had asked for some snacks. They were having Shrek Chicken Noodle soup, popcorn and lemonade (interesting combo but it is what the boys wanted!). Mamie lifted Jack up to pop open the microwave to get the popcorn out and Jacob sweetly said “You know Mamie, people say OLD people aren’t very strong but you are VERY strong!”. HA! Mom said she thought it was a compliment!!

Dave is doing well and keeping up with all the happenings and dealings within his group at Pepsi, managing the family and running marathons and ½ marathons…Go Dave!

Alessandra is the new au pair…she is sweet natured and great with the kids…they love her dearly. After some English classes this fall she is understanding and communicating more and more.

THE 3DAY WALK – I posted some pictures earlier on the website of the 3 day walk I participated in October with many others on the Holy Hooters Team. It was an amazing event…one to be done again and one I will never forget. Lynn was with us ever step of the way as we trudged along, sang songs, slept in hot pink tents, peed in too many porta potties to count!, remembered her in the beautiful white “remembrance” tent, laughed that if she was with us she would be walking too and sleeping in tents (NOT!)….she would have had us well outfitted though! SMILE ! What a blessing to have participated and to have walked with special friends that “did the journey” with Lynn as well….you all know WHO YOU ARE and how crucial you were to supporting the family and team during laughter, tears, memories and unconditional “love” through it all!!!

Recently, a website follower named Jill Herweyer emailed me….rather than re-write her words I thought I would post her email. I remember Lynn mentioning Jill…please visit her website! What an honor for Lynn….

“Hi Holly,
My name is Jill Herweyer and although we've never met I sort of feel like I know you. I was diagnoised with breast cancer about 2 and a half years ago- I was only 28 years old- fit, healthy, and with two little girls. I was scared and felt alone with very few people my age to talk to. No one in my family or circle of friends had battled this disease. Through caringbridge someone who knew me, also knew of Lynn. She was currently in remission at the time and was such an inspiration to me. We talked on the phone, she sent me fancy scarves, and notes of encouragement. I loved talking with her and was so inspired by her faith and her fight! I prayed long and hard for her and have read her caringbridge site since the day I "met her."

I'm writing because I have recently started a small company called Bella BaLoo (www.bellabaloo.com)-- I have always loved fashion and have loved design as well. Now that I'm feeling better I have started creating and designing trendy children's stuff and women's purses and belts. I was wondering if you would allow me to name my Breast Cancer Awareness belt Lynn's Belt and share on the website a little bit about Lynn. The proceeds from this Belt will go to support Breast Cancer Research. Being a survivor myself, I hold this dear to my heart. Please consider this- and talk to Lynn's family and see if it would be all right. I'm designing a new belt that would look different from the one pictured on the website- just for Lynn. It would be reversible with both sides having designs with pink in it!”

I don’t know about you but right now it seems SO MANY moments are tickled by a memory or thought of Lynn. I remember last year and how difficult it was seeing her health decline each day…yet Lynn’s family, Jenny, myself and others soaked up Lynn’s presence every moment we could. We are all going on as we must and as we should and as Lynn would have us….we are forever changed and will continue to remember Lynn lovingly and fondly and are forever thankful for the precious time and impact she made on each of us.

I was wondering if you could do me one very special thing….will you please sign on the guestbook one more time and write your favorite memory of Lynn? This will be a forever keepsake for all. Suzanne, Wayne, Terri, Gail, Dean, Dave, Jacob and Taylor are healing and moving forward and they love to remember the good and the fun of their precious daughter, sister, wife and mom. I thought if each of you could write something it would be a marvelous way to end this site. It will be a keepsake forever…capturing moments from all years of Lynn’s precious time on earth. This may be my last time to post but there will be one more before we officially “close” the website sometime in February.

Jacob queried his family the other day as to why one of his friends at school was the same age as he but was a grade ahead. You know…at that age……numbers matter!!! What a wonderful response he received when he was lovingly told that his mom made the decision to keep him home one more year just so he could be with her….what a priceless moment!

I read back on some of Lynn’s posts recently and found it amazing that amidst some of the darkest news and most challenging times she experienced with cancer, she found a great way to articulate it that always gave a “peace” that everything would be okay. It is okay….it isn’t as we desired but it is okay. Many days I ponder that and know she is looking on us lovingly from heaven…never seeing the mire of challenges we think we are in but looking at us through God’s eyes, with pure love. Lynn is healed and happy and a forever angel to each of us….now…how cool is that???

Thank you seems so small to each of you who continue to visit this site, supporting Lynn’s family and the friends - but WE MEAN IT - with ALL our hearts….THANK YOU! May God Bless each of you richly in the year ahead and may you never forget all the WONDERFUL and precious BLESSINGS you have been given…great and small.

Merry Christmas Everyone and………..Much love to each of you ~

Holly

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:16 AM CST

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY TAYLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE LOVE YOU AND WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

Hugs and kisses,

Dad, Jacob, Grammy, Paps, Grandma, Granpa & Auntie Terri

(Update to follow soon!)

Thursday, October 25, 2007 10:22 PM CDT

“SMASHING TIMES”

Dear All –

HELLO!! I hope this post finds each of you blessed and doing well. I have “composed” this post to you many times in my head (lot of good that does – yes?). Guess it just hasn’t been “right” until now.

Smashing Times….this is a new craft place located in Frisco, Tx. Perhaps you are familiar with similar places…you go, break pottery and mold it new into a new creation by placing the smashed pieces on top (sometimes in a design, sometimes not) on a new piece of pottery….interesting concept. After hearing the name, it stuck with me and I have thought and thought about how unique the name really is….especially related to recent journeys in life and how God intertwines all things for the good of His kingdom.

Let me explain…..I can tell you the month of October has been an emotional rollercoaster…so many memories and “milestones” with the anniversary of my dear Dad’s death and the beginning of a quick decline in my sweet friend Lynn’s health last year. SMASHING TIMES…my heart has been smashed as have so many of yours….to smithereens and to points I can’t begin to articulate. However, as of late, I see God’s handiwork faithfully coming through. He is piecing that heart back to functional state…it will be forever changed and it has a new look….crooked in spots, with lots more dimension and overall, perhaps a little stronger than before. I think I will like the new heart when it is done and then…I wonder, will it ever be done? It seems some pieces I thought were secured have been torn out again and changed, and while tough, the again “newer” version has grown on me. I hope you can follow my train of thought here…..and perhaps you can relate to it as well.

Life without Lynn is still tough, I miss her terribly but at the same time feel so honored (as do you) to have been her earthly friend and to have had the privilege to have my life touched by hers.

We, the collective “we” are all doing well. There are tough moments that hit all of us and it can be the oddest trigger, but…we are doing well. David is in a good spot for now and seems to be managing everything. Taylor and Jacob are growing every day and remind me constantly of Lynn in various ways. Those reminders are precious. It is an honor to know them and be part of their childhood. I have some really silly and funny stories on the kids that I promise to share sometime in the near future!!

There is so much to tell and update you on HOWEVER…I have to get to bed. The very special “Holy Hooters” team is gearing up to walk the 3 day breast cancer walk beginning tomorrow. We leave for the 60 mile adventure tomorrow at 5:30 a.m. No, THE walk doesn’t start that early but that is when we will get going. God has special plans for this weekend…of this I am sure! It will be healing and is an honor to be given the opportunity to raise money for the breast cancer cure. Our team has raised $54,000!!! You may see our team and progress through the www.the3day.org website….go to “extras” then “top teams” then follow the teams until you reach “holy hooters”.

Please pray for our 17 member team this weekend. I will be thinking of you and praying for you who have been so faithful through Lynn’s journey with breast cancer. It is forever part of us now and it is my heart’s desire that one day there will a final cure for the wretched disease.

Thinking of each of you and holding you close in the forever changed heart ~

Much love to each of you ~

Holly

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 9:33 PM CDT

Hi everyone -

Just a little teaser - a fall update is coming soon.

Love to each of you ~

Holly

Tuesday, June 12, 2007 2:18 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Again, so much time has passed since we last posted, some days there seems so much I want to share with you -
and things I know Lynn would want you to know but the words just do not seem to come easily...other days there seems to be so much to say to play "catch up¨ that it is more overwhelming than I can imagine. So many of you faithful readers have asked for an update..here it is -unaltered and probably a little crazy with the flow...but here goes:

First of all, Dave and the kids are fine. Yes, there are tough days and moments for them that come frequently, from every angle, some of them expected, some of them unexpected. They are handling each emotion, event, "first time without Mom" experiences just as you and I would,one step at a time, sometimes with tears, sometimes with reflection, sometimes with both, sometimes with laughter and fondness for the legacy of love Lynn left behind.

The kids ended their school year in May and bopped over to Cabo for a 10 day adventure with Dad, Grammy and Paps (Lynn's in-loves) for some rest and relaxation. They returned last week anxious to re-unite with friends but tan, relaxed and ready for the summer fun.

Their former au pair has left for a new position and a replacement will be coming in July. We are praying for this new individual and hoping she will be loving, vivacious and fit every need for Taylor, Jacob and David.

While the Newmans were gone to Cabo the annual Race for the Cure in Plano, TX occurred on June 2nd. This was a tough one for all of us...Jenny and I really struggled to find the emotional energy to rally the team and getting things organized. In fact, Jenny and I met with Suzanne and Tiffany to say just that - "this year is going to be too tough and we don't think we can do it". Just as God and Lynn would have it - Suzanne and Tiffany were what Jenny and I couldn't be - the will and the way to make it all happen. Ultimately, Jenny and I found ourselves in a place to help and better yet to participate, and OH am I glad we did! I don't think I would have forgiven myself for NOT going, NOT being a part and NOT living through the bundle of emotions that flooded us that Saturday morning. Too, I don't think Lynn would have let it go, we think she hangs around us in different forms, prodding us to do things and reminding us to live and love this thing called life.

The race was amazing...Team Newman i.e. Looking Right won Susan G. Komen's Award for being the largest civic sponsored team for the SECOND YEAR IN A ROW! Our team wore stylish brown and pink t-shirts...some with a little "bling" on the back. There is one team picture on the website and the Memory DVD is done - I just have to figure out how to get it loaded.

Let me tell you more about this day...We planned to meet at 7:30 a.m. in front of Mi Cocina this year just like last year. I have been to this particular Mi Cocina many times over the past year but as I approached the steps this day, the emotions just flooded through my body. I saw the tree where Lynn sat last year, I remembered how poorly she felt the day before the race last year and how she prepared me Friday night that she just may not be able to make it and how that morning she told me she hadn't slept at all and then - there she was -up and looking so gorgeous on Saturday. Oh! for just another hug and conversation with her....

As certain team members arrived at the meeting site, many of us felt the same wave of emotions - glad to be there for support and sad that it was marking another life lost to this wretched disease. It was fun to see familiar faces and families coming out to remember our precious Lynn. After a few team picture attempts, Jenny gathered us for the most amazing prayer - thanking God for Lynn's life and the time we had to get to know her and asking God to help us live our lives in ways that would be honoring to Him, like Lynn did - fighting the fight with stamina, faith and assurance of heaven.

Following the prayer, the runners headed off while the rest of us prepared for the walk. It was a beautiful day and the kids kept us all smiling, holding hands, running amuck, feeling free. We enjoyed our reflection time and fellowship. Following the official walk many enjoyed the food, drink and fun wandering around the booths. The Crandells didn't hurry off and found ourselves tip toeing through the pink tulips and ribbons remembering those who have gone before us and those who are currently fighting this disease. After a series of announcements, one of the sponsors got on stage and kicked off the Survivor Walk. A glorious song was playing (I wish I knew what it was and I am on a hunt to find out) as 1-5 year survivors filed out walking around a center circle, then the 5-10 year survivors, then the 10-15 yr. etc. etc. It was interesting how quietly (almost somber) the 1-5 year survivors walked, the 10-15 year survivors seemed to dance out to the music, cheering whooping and expressing their joy in beating the disease. What an emotional time it was.

Our family stood on a grassy spot visiting with Candace Snyder, her girls, Lisa Brashier and a few other ladies. I had lost contact with Jenny at this point but found out later she felt these same emotions...the whole gamut of grief: First, just a Disbelief/Denial that we were there on that day and that Lynn was not. Second, sheer Sadness that she was gone and had to live through the breast cancer disease, Third, I had fleeting thoughts of Anger - not much but they were definitely there, anger that Lynn did not obtain a cure to give her more time on earth and then, anger that my best friend wasn't with me anymore, anger that a believer, lover of God, a daughter, wife, mother and friend - a GOOD PERSON - had to go through all that she lived through and not survive. Finally, a feeling of God's Presence and Peace that everything is still ultimately in His control and a sense of confident assurance we will re-unite with Lynn in heaven one day came over me. The tears were plentiful, the emotional purging - tough but good.

I was asked by so many people "how was the race?" Well,my answer,good, and tough - they went together this year and probably will next year and every year thereafter. I am more committed than ever to help fight for more research and funding for this disease. I believe a cure is out there and am looking forward to hearing the survivor stories of others - people like Lynn who have so much to offer and live for!

There are so many people to thank for their efforts in organizing this year's Team Newman "Looking Right" Suzanne and Tiffany - where would we be without you two? Thank you for ALL you did to make the event occur. Jenny, what is there to say? Thank you for initiating our meeting to get in or out of the race, for being my partner, sounding board and emotional stabilizer (HA). Liz, thank you for listening to Jenny's ideas and helping us with the awesome t-shirt design - and for all those I have failed to acknowledge, plus all the husbands who supported us by watching kids and doing extra duties - thank you - we love each of you dearly and appreciate you being behind us all the time!!!

We will walk again next year so mark your calendars for the first Saturday in June 2008 - don't be left out. We will aim for the largest Civic Award again and blow out the numbers from the past two years. I wonder what trendy colors and bling (Lynn inspired) we will have for our team shirt next year? We have learned a lot the past two years and plan to organize a team get-together immediately following the race/walk next year so we can all have a little fellowship time together. WOO HOO!! am already looking forward to it.

The website will remain open for a while longer - no major plans to shut it down right away, Why the change in plans? Well, the other day a grandparent found Jacob looking and reading some of his mom's website, in some way, like it is for us, this is their connection to remembering and knowing who their mom was, to log on and be able to read her words from so long ago - and to learn what a fighter their mom was and how she tried desperately to make everything normal and good for the kids and Dave.

Lynn left a tremendous legacy behind and I am constantly in awe at how her story continues to affect people all across this nation. To date, Lynn has had many articles written about her, multiple newspaper articles, she has made the centerfold of the 2007 Susan G. Komen Calendar (go Lynn!), The Dallas Child Magazine, and an article in the works with the Dallas Morning News. WOW! Her story continues to inspire others and yes¡K.good still comes from her journey.

This year many of us are adventuring to do something a little challenging - to walk in the 3 day D/FW walk scheduled for October 26-28, 2007 - 60 miles in 3 days! There are many teams walking. One team walking in memory of our precious Lynn is the "Holy Hooters" Team. Many of you still ask if there is something you can do and now we have an answer - we prayerfully ask you to consider either joining us on this amazing time of reflection and "fun"raising to fight the fight against breast cancer OR, if you cannot join us for the walk or fundraising (and no, it isn't too late to begin training), PLEASE consider supporting us in thoughts, prayer and encouragement. The link for the walk is listed at the bottom of the website. I know Lynn would be honored and appreciative that we are doing all we can do to help find a cure for this cancer.

What else can I tell you? Oh, I promised some funny stories about Jacob and Taylor. They are changing and growing and it is really fun to see. Taylor (9) is smart, articulate, introspective, thoughtful, beautiful, maturing before our eyes and enjoys spending time with friends, writing and playing with her her American Girl Dolls. She, Ashlynn and I took a trip to the American Girl store in Chicago in April. What a hoot! The girl time was priceless and it was fun to see the girls be silly and goofy yet so grown up too. The girls were quite the little ladies when it came to dining and being in public but were crazier than you can imagine during our tours around the city and Lynn would have been so PROUD of her daughter as a shopper!! :-) We had some great talks and discussions and yes, some happy and sad memories to share about Lynn. I would love to do this trip again - it was just that much fun! Now..the boys would not dare allow us to do that before they get in their "boy trip". I am going to have to get Todd and Dave on that one and it may have to wait a few years - but I am sure that will be fun too!!

Jacob (7), is losing some of his "little boy features" and is growing very tall. He enjoys all the lego, video games and imaginative play powers (one boy will have the power of fire, or rain, etc. FUNNY). Jacob is a lot like Lynn and sometimes that is tough...if that makes sense. He came in from playing the other day - and flashed me a look that was totally LYNN! I had to catch my breath...but it was there - fleeting but a reminder none the less. He is funny and silly and thinks a lot like Lynn. If we are talking about plans he will ask 5-10 questions until it is crystal clear in his mind and to me what we have agreed upon. Hello? Lynn? Are you feeding Jacob this stuff at night because that is so YOU!

What about Dave? Well, he recently completed the San Diego marathon. WOW Twenty six miles he ran - in excellent time nonetheless. After hearing about his experience I think this may have gone to his blood/head as he is considering running another marathon THIS YEAR!!! EGADS Guess I like it that I will be doing more than 26 miles on my walk - even if it is over three days!! HA

The kids have more travel in their summer plans and part of that time will be with the Crandells at the beach which we are all looking forward to. The new norm is still being discovered and like the rest of us, as soon as it is found..it changes. Please continue to pray for all of Lynn's family, healing will still be occurring years from now and I pray that everyone can work through it as healthily as possible and will always remember the impact, love and faith Lynn enjoyed while on earth.

Have you seen any cardinals lately? We have a cardinal nest that is in a backyard tree. The male and female are in and out and in and out - it is awesome! The babies should be here any day!!!

Well, I think this update is sufficient. I probably could go on and on. Thank you for remaining faithful to our precious friend's memory and for checking in with us. Check back soon the DVD of this years's race will be on as well as the link to the 3 day walk.

Forever missing and remember our friend Lynn and with much love to each of you ~

Holly

Saturday, May 19, 2007 4:06 PM CDT

** The 2007 Susan G. Komen North Texas Race For The Cure is fast approaching....it's on June 2! We are doing Team Looking Right - Lynn Newman t-shirts again this year for $12 each (they are chocolate brown w/ pink & white wording). If you are interested in ordering a team shirt, please email Suzanne Cobb at suzannelcobb@aol.com by next Thursday, May 24. Sizes available are youth s,m,l,xl and adult s,m,l,xl,& xxl. I will distribute all shirts a day or two prior to the Race....you can pay for the team shirt at that time (please make your check out to Suzanne Cobb).

If you have any questions, please let me know! Jenny at jennygwynn@tx.rr.com

** If you would like to join us on the day of the Race, plan on meeting again at 8:00am in front of Mi Cocinas for our team picture.

** If you would like to join the team OR to help us reach our goal, please go to www.komennorthtexas.org - be sure to donate to Team Looking Right - Lynn Newman. Thanks so much - we hope to see you there!

***************************************

“Be still and know that I am God…” Proverbs 46:10

This scripture summarizes where some of us have been lately…just quiet, reflective, coping, grieving, surviving.

I know many of you have asked, requested and pleaded for Jenny or I to post and it has been a long time…..please know it hasn’t been lack of desire but the words haven’t come easily. Recently, a dear heart friend sent me one of those beautiful sun catchers with a cardinal on it…next to the cardinal was the bible verse listed above. In a precious card accompanying the sun catcher my friend wrote ‘sometimes God is quiet and sometimes, God quiets His child.’ God HAS quieted “me” lately…I have been drawn inward, reflecting on all that has gone on, all that continues to go on and I am actively working to accept this massive loss and to survive the ongoing process called grief. All of us are there…in different stages of grief…coping in our own ways. It has felt amazing to grow closer to God during this time and other times yes, I feel very alone, missing my precious friend.

Not long ago, someone asked me if I had found a new best friend. I honestly didn’t know what to say? My eyes immediately welled up and I felt like screaming NO! there will never be another best friend…there will never be another Lynn. I responded less dramatically than I felt and said, “no” there will never be another to fill the void…but God will fill that void with prayerfully, a ton of wisdom gained from what has been learned and gained from my relationship with Lynn. Too, God will and has put new and old friends around us to help us grow and move forward. So many blessings of which to be thankful.

I have missed talking to all of you – each of you, whether you post, pray, read, or just think of us….have been part of this journey. God’s kingdom continues to be glorified…maybe there will be a book someday..there really is so much to say.

Let me take care of a little business then update you a bit on all of us:

Tiffany Marino and Suzanne Cobb have officially agreed to help coordinate a team for the Race for the Cure walk/run on June 2, 2007 in Plano, TX (at Legacy Center). Last year we had well over 80 – 100 people who wore shirts and participated in the walk to honor Lynn. Officially registered for the walk were approximately 45 people. We raised over $5800 for the Susan G. Komen foundation. Here is the gig…if you would like to walk or run in the June 2nd Race, you need to register immediately. In order to be part of the official team you need to be registered by Thursday! YIKES!!!!!! However, should you not register for the team on the official Susan G Komen Race for the Cure day, you can still be part of the team walking in memory of Lynn. Please go to www.komennorthtexas.org to register. We would ask whether or not you register for the team “Looking Right – Lynn Newman” that you please register…every registration helps the foundation and ultimately……friends like our sweet Lynn. There will be more details to come about the race…meeting places, t-shirts etc. It was an amazing year last year….hoping each of you can be there this year.

If you are not able to be there in person, we you can join us in spirit and prayer. Lynn’s family will not be present this year…the Newman’s will be vacationing for a great get-a-way in Cabo and Lynn’s folks will be supporting us through thought and prayer. We encourage you to be a part, grab some friends and encourage others while supporting the research to find a cure for every diagnosis!!!!

THE 3 DAY WALK
I, along with many others, have signed up to do the intensive 3 day walk for the Cure in Dallas this year. The dates are Oct. 26, 27 and 28th. Sixty miles will be walked (per person) in three days…a wonderful time of reflection. I personally invite any of you to join us…there are many teams………..the one I am walking on is called “Holy Hooters”. If you feel led, please join us by registering at www.the3day.org . IF you opt not to join us personally, I would humbly ask that you consider praying faithfully for the team and that you may even consider donating to our teams’ fundraiser. We would love to have 100 people on the team…wouldn’t that be amazing? Too, if you register for the 3day, please shoot me an email at the address below so we can tell you all about our team in training and invite you to join us.

Well, I will update again soon and fill you in on some fun things about the kids…they remain as precious as ever…too…I have pictures…just want to get this posted about the race.

Much love to all of you –

Holly

Wednesday, May 2, 2007 11:42 AM CDT

Sunday, February 25, 2007 1:51 PM CST

Dear All,

Today is Lynn’s birthday. She would have been 37 years young today – far too young to be gone from her journey in life….that’s my feeling anyway.

I have been absent from the website lately….one of those periods in life where “there are no words”. There haven’t been words, and yes, the pain is still so great…it remains overwhelming some days. We are all doing okay…everyone, Dave, the kids, the sister, the parents, the parents-in-love, the friends, the support team…but it still isn’t easy.

As I think about Lynn today, I am reminded of last year when Lynn and I celebrated our birthdays over sushi together….she wasn’t feeling well and it was an ominous sign of the year in front of her. Nonetheless, we celebrated, in Lynn style, with laughter and fun and sweet heart gifts were exchanged. Girl - I miss you my sweet friend!

What would I tell Lynn today if I could talk to her today??? I think my words would be something like this:

Lynn, you were an amazing person and friend…perfectly created by God to do a specific mission on earth….and you did it! You fulfilled your work and now have many jewels in your crown and many legacies left behind….legacies of love, honesty, pure friendship, children who know they are loved and will grow to learn of your greatness, a husband who is missing you and is thankful for the time he had to love you and share life with you, for your integrity, your encouragement, your Godliness, your friendship….the list goes on.

I miss you sweet friend….I miss talking to you early in the morning…sometimes in the crux of all chaos trying to get the kids off to school, sometimes just after dropping them off and feeling a deep sigh. I miss having girl talks with you, pondering the reasons things happen, God’s work in our lives, studying the bible with you, shopping with you, knowing that you understood me and me you, even when there were no words…I miss talking to you in car line…just to pass the time….of hearing how God was working through you to enhance His kingdom. I hated every iota of the cancer you had to endure but I miss taking care of you, doing things for you, laughing with you, singing to you, watching the cardinals, reading, listening to music with you, massaging your feet.

Lynn, you changed my life with your friendship…and I will remain forever changed because of the years we had as friends. God is still at work, although I am confident you know that….your old friends are now my new friends and we are working to find a way to meet up to honor you each year through the Race for the Cure….in different cities. There are no coincidences in all that has come to fruition because of your journey with cancer and your amazing friendship and love to so many.

I am sad that you are not hear on earth with me but rejoice that you have started and amazing journey in heaven for eternity….I know we will meet there one day.

That is what I think I would say…and I would hold on and hug her forever……

Now…..you know what I think Lynn would say to me? I think she would tell me she enjoyed our friendship equally, and she would tell me that she was fine and I need to put and keep my big girl pants on…that we all will be okay and that the raw will fade but the memories and impact will stay in place. She would encourage and remind us of God’s love and her precious love.

That thought, gives me great comfort. I would love to hear her words, encouraging, brave, steadfast, sticking to the journey at hand and telling each of us to love one another, to cherish each other, and cherish each day…..life is short and we don’t want to miss the cardinals, the butterflies, the sun or the rain..for it is all precious and a wonderful gift from our amazing maker.

This week we will reach a two month mark without our sweet friend. It is so hard to believe…..I still feel like I am on some sort of life break and that soon, I will reunite with Lynn on earth and we will have SO much to catch up on…..

We are in a new season of life and I’m trying to grow in wisdom…..somedays I think I am getting it…other days not…..the lack of words “my voice in journaling” has been troubling me at times as there are so many people I wish to thank for literally catching me/us and holding us up as we fell in despair over our loss. Each of you has been amazing and thoughtful and gracious. THANK YOU for every prayer and kind deed. They haven’t gone unnoticed and eventually I will find the right way to individually thank you!

Ever realize how grief can lead to depression? Well, I think some of us are there…I have been…yet I am finding my way out of it. How? Well, by looking at the precious angels around me…the big ones and the little ones and embracing the feelings as they come…whether waves of tears or an outburst of laughter at something I know Lynn would think was funny.

The kids are doing okay…they haven’t escaped the waves either, and they are finding their ways of coping. The other day my sweet Ashlynn was having a difficult day. She climbed in my lap and said “Mom, I just don’t understand…I am either really angry all the time or I just feel like crying!” Well…welcome to grief my sweet girl. It stinks doesn’t it? I was amazed at her ability to articulate her feelings and sense her great loss…a grandfather and a friend all within a year…it is a lot to bear. I talked with her explaining that I too, had similar feelings and while I wished to run away from them at times I don’t think that is truly how God would have us work through those emotions. I told her I believe that we have to depend on God, to trust Him, to tell others about Him and about the amazing person and gift He gave us in knowing Lynn.

I believe we all grow as a result of hardships….it isn’t something we choose and maybe that we move through with a little grudge but in the end, when healing comes, our lives are usually changed for the better and we as individuals are stronger, wiser and hopefully better for the experience. This is what I am feeling…how about you?

A friend recently gave me the greatest little book called “Hope for a Hurting Heart”. There are so many wonderful thoughts in this precious book….thought I would capture them for you as it states things so succinctly.

** I have learned that we can remain stuck in the past and anxious about the future. Or, we can try to live in the present moment, one hour and one day at a time.
** I have learned that feelings of grief and loss are part of everyone’s life. No one escapes them. And while we can’t control these experiences, it is one of life’s greatest discoveries that we can make choices about how to deal with them.

So many are thinking of our sweet friend today….as we do everyday.

I believe if Lynn had words she could send us in print, she would remind us to Look Right…wouldn’t you just love to hear exactly how she would phrase it all for us??

Sorry if this post has rambled a bit…Thank you to each of you for embracing us in this journey…one that will continue as the memory of our sweet precious friend lives on.

Much love and blessings to each of you -

Lynn – you are forever in my heart, I miss you dearly and still love you SO BIG -

Holly

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”…..Jer. 29:11

Sunday, January 21, 2007 7:23 AM CST

To All Those Who Loved Lynn:

Never will be the kids and I be able to properly thank each of you for the amazing outpouring of love, but as you have opened your hearts to us may we count you as one of our family and include you in the following (God Bless and Thank You ALL!).

One sure sign that Lynn was a saint lies in the fact that she so rarely became upset or frustrated with me over the 10+ years of marriage. But, holidays, birthdays and anniversaries were always a golden opportunity for me to get sideways with her if I dared to forget to do one thing… which was to write her a letter.

In fact, through the years I mistakenly thought that once the gifts surpassed a certain financial threshold that the letters could stop… one of my many times I was wrong.

Lynn used to say “I don’t care about the gifts… but you better give me a letter”. So I always joked that I would forgo the diamonds, the Louis Vuittons and other such babbles and buy myself a really sporty car with the license plate “5 Cards” and just be sure I wrote those letters…

So, in honor of my beautiful wife, may God’s grace allow you to see my last letter to you…

Wife,

So many things husbands and wives talk about over the years and yet often so many things left unsaid, curious.

I remember back to a very humbling day in Arizona when things in my life just were not progressing by the master Dave plan that I had imagined… I realized in truth how selfish I was, how relationships for me were mainly about what Dave could get out of it and that moment of self awareness whereby the light goes on and you hear the voice that says “Hey dummy, you are the reason things aren’t working out”… I remember kneeling by my bed and praying so hard to the Lord that I realized my mistakes and that could He by His infinite grace send me a loving, beautiful, intelligent woman to become my wife and terrific mother. I also remember the relative quickness in which you so unexpectedly came into my life… curious that some don’t believe that the Lord answers prayers… you proved to me that He does.

I also remember getting married a few years later and recalling how strange I thought it was that I wasn’t even the slightest bit nervous… I mean, guys are supposed to be nervous, but not a tinge… I knew it was perfect… I knew I was blessed and truthfully that feeling was awesome.

I also remember that day roughly 9 years ago holding our daughter, tears in my eyes thinking how wonderful life was and then 2 years later that feeling all over again. I remember those days in Colorado just telling myself… it really can not get any better… thinking, these are the happiest of days.

Those kids wife, wow they are incredible… everyday I hear you speaking through them… just wow! Blue eyed wonders like their mom… you will always be alive in them.

And Texas, the wonder of wonders… now it all makes sense to me… why here?… because this is where we had to be… this is the place that will carry us through.

I have had so many people wife ask me about my faith in these rockiest of days… My faith remains strong. Who am I to understand the plan? On one of my rougher days when I really started to feel sorry for myself, it finally dawned on me, Look Right. How a dope married the most wonderful woman, had two such wonderful children, was surrounded in love by family and friends… oh boy, the Lord would have a hearty laugh at me if I started tallying up the scorecard on what was fair or not.

So Lynn, it was not in the end how either of us would have liked, but you were a miracle. I truly believe that if I live to be 80 that I might positively impact 10% of the people you did. You are God’s miracle.

I will never forget the world exploding around us on your exit… so Biblical in its magnitude.

So where does that leave us? You should know that your kids and I are healing. People wonder where God is in all this and I say that He said wonderful things about you at your service. I say that He cried with us and hugged us when we were at our lowest. I say He spoke to us and revived us when we didn’t think that we could carry on. He lives in the people around us and He is awesome.

You would have laughed mightily at us in Florida for the 10 days we were there… Magic Kingdom, Epcot, manatees, beaches and so many kids… Me bribing the kids $.25 for every Pepsi or Frito-Lay truck they saw, yelling “Bad Guy” at every Coke truck and driving along the freeway conducting such high level conversations with your children on such topics as “going wee” and burping and all the such… I am sure you were there.

How to carry on? Because “Love Brings Joy and Not Pain”…

So much love wife. I hope that in some way that you were able to realize the magnitude. There are debts that simply can not be repaid with money or thank you cards… so much love expressed for you wife… and the kids and I are the beneficiaries.

Thank you.

So onward my love… from minute to minute, day to day and week to week… we grieve, we are sad, but the kids and I will find a “new normal” where we laugh, we no longer fear and we always remember The Miracle.

All My Love,

The Husband

Friday, January 12, 2007 9:24 AM CST

Dearest Friends,

My heart is drawn to this journal, a need to talk, a need to cope I guess. Like so many of you have said in the guestbook, you are “drawn” to this site….it is a place where you can feel “in touch” with Lynn….and with those of us grieving her loss.

Grief is not fun and you know what? It isn’t for “sissies” either. It is tough, physically painful at times and comes in these huge tidal waves of emotion. I have felt them all lately, the flood of tears at any moment; a chuckle at a memory shared; shreds of anger that “this really shouldn’t be”; an unknown feeling of “what do I do now” when I randomly pick up the phone and dial the Newman’s number to “check in on Lynn” or not knowing how to handle that my feet want to bust through the front door and run back to her room give her a kiss, a hug, a song, a smile; at finding a big smile at something Lynn would have loved; and even God’s perfect peace that Lynn is forever out of pain, that God is in control and Lynn’s legacy will live on through the lives of all those she has touched while on earth.

A brief update on Dave and the kids….so many of you have asked…….They are in Florida and are doing well. We have talked with them on and off and the girls (Taylor and Ashlynn) are practicing their newest fun - burning up the phone lines (look out teen years)! Dave and the kids have enjoyed some good times, healing times with old friends and just “being”…doing a bit of Disney, the beach, etc. It has been an opportunity to draw close to one another, create some new memories and begin finding their “new norm”. They will return to Texas shortly – we have missed them all and are looking forward to those hugs when they return.

There seems so much to share with you………little stories and “God-winks” showing me every day the blessings God has created through Lynn’s journey. Did I tell you that at the beginning of the school year all our kids requested prayers for Lynn from their friends at school? They have continued to have Lynn on their prayer lists and most recently, our son Jameson asked his friends to “step up” their prayers because Miss Lynn really needed them and she wasn’t feeling any better. Jameson asked his friends to please bring in their extra pennies so he could give them to Mr. Newman to give to the doctors. Whatever Jameson’s words were to his friends, it struck a cord….the pennies have flooded in and yesterday, when I picked up Jameson from a playdate, this sweet hearted friend, Cole, got me to the side and gave me his entire piggy bank of coins, a tender card he had made for the Newman kids and precious toys he felt they would need….a favorite Spiderman flashlight, a great shiny ball and a fancy yo-yo. Cole’s mom said she couldn’t believe it but the love and concern Cole felt was so sincere. What do you say to that? I say….Lynn is among us…tickling us every day to remember the good. Isn’t that what she would say? Focus on the blessings, they are plentiful. And they are….like you have read before, people coming to know Christ, people being a little kinder, cardinals everywhere, unexpected friends in church, peace that surpasses all understanding, new friendships, stronger friendships, deeper relationships, a better sense of “we are only here for a short while”, reaching out to others, accepting unconditional love and encouragement from strangers, good deeds being completed by so many people, beautiful God given smiles, laughter in spite of the pain, great sales at Nordstroms (that one was for Lynn! HA), beauty, songs, etc.

This isn’t the way it “should be”…..I can’t stand to think Jacob and Taylor have to find a new norm without their sweet mother by their side, I don’t like that our kids have seen what they have seen and have had to cope with grief at such a young age…..that they are “rising” up and being the big kids when Mommy is sad or when things don’t get done like they usually do. The kids, all of them, are fantastic, incredibly resilient and intuitive beyond comprehension. I am thankful they are here to comfort us, while we comfort them. Does any of that make sense?

Friends, you probably know that eventually this website will close down and we will all find our new way…forever changed by our journey with Lynn or the witness of her journey. For now we’ll leave it open just to continue the “good stuff” and help us deal with the grief we are all feeling.

We are and remain completely honored and humbled to have been on this journey with Lynn and to have been called her friends. We miss her deeply and at times feel incredibly lost without her….yet, just when it feels unbearable a sweet memory or nudge will come reminding us that she is still with us.

Ending with a few scriptures and with a paragraph found by Mother-in-Love Gail in an old family bible.

Much love to each of you and remaining firmly in His grip,

Holly & Jenny

"I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Now there is a crown waiting for me. It is given to those who are right with God. The Lord, who judges fairly, will give it to me on the day he returns. He will not give it only to me. He will also give it to all those who are longing for him to return."
2 Timothy 4:7-8

"God blesses those people who grieve. They will find comfort!"
Matthew 5:4

TO THE LOVED ONE WHO IS BEREAVED

“Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no different in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was: there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well.” (Henry Scott Holland)

Thursday, January 4, 2007 11:45 PM CST

Dear Friends,

Sleep is not coming easy - even though I have tried. My mind keeps wandering back to our precious friend Lynn. Today was tough - for both Jenny and me. (I know it was for others as well, Jenny and I spoke to the family and hugged a few necks...the kids and Dave are off for a much needed vacation and respite!) It was one of those days where you didn’t really think the sun should come up much less shine...and it almost didn't here in the Frisco area. It did peek through later in the day and I must admit it lifted my spirits.

Jenny and I found ourselves drawn together for lunch to reminisce about our good friend and to wallow in sadness for just a bit...I figured we deserved that - we both felt so lost...caring for Lynn is over and her service was done...it is like we didn’t have anything to do. Can you imagine that?

Lynn's service was beautiful...just as she would have desired. So many of you requested the words from her service...the "Reflections" spoken by Heidi Isaak, Jill Smail, myself and Lynn's father-in-love, Dean Newman. I have posted them below for you to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Jill Smail:

Hello Friends. We are here today to celebrate Lynn Newman.

Look around! You can see so much of who Lynn was just by looking into the eyes of those around you. Everyone here was touched by Lynn Newman - We all in some way are or hope to be a reflection of her.

Heidi Isaac and I met Lynn over a decade ago when we all worked for General Mills, Inc. We started as colleagues and grew to be dear friends.

When we met we were all single. We were young, professional women who loved having our own money to spend on whatever we wished. We enjoyed long lunches and shopping outings to get away form the stress of the job!

As the years passed we planned weddings. Attended showers, weddings then babies. We celebrated motherhood. And oh, what a proud mother Lynn was! Life continued to change and our friendship continued to grow through it all. The good and the bad.

Lynn taught us to enjoy the journey. Do it now. Don’t miss a moment to be kind.

In the hardest of times. The uncomfortable moments. I can hear Lynn say, "There are no words" "There are no words."

Today, there are words. As hard as they are to say. There are wonderful words that come from my heart that describe our dear friend.

Warm
Caring
Genuine
Loving
Fun
Funny
Smart Witted
Intelligent
Hard Working
Classy
Elegant
Loyal
Courageous
Brave
Faithful
Spunky
Stubborn
A spit fire
......and just overall FABULOUS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Heidi Isaak ~ A Poem ~ FIGHT SISTER FIGHT

We met Lynn
Many years ago
From the start
It was a friendship
That would grow

Selling Cheerios, Bugles, and even some cake
Lynn showed us with class
What it would take
Meticulous at work, earning high grades
Didn't stop Lynn from
Friendships that were made

Thinking of her
All lovely and sweet
in high heels, Ann Taylor,
Oh, what a treat.

I smile at thoughts
Of tips from the pro
Whether shopping at malls
Or using a hair bow

Years had past
The time just flew
Our friendship changed
But still it grew

I remember the day
When hit with the news
Lynn was so brave
No time for the blues

Lynn fought so hard,
with all her might
Jill taught us to chant
FIGHT SISTER FIGHT

It was then that she knew
Lynn had a message to share
Touched by our Lord
With so much to bare

Together with David,
Her ROCK, her LOVE
They rolled out a message
Sent from above

It may not at times
Seem so bright
But remember our friend
Who says LOOK RIGHT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Holly~
My Words – for Lynn

Good Morning, my name is Holly and I am humbled and blessed to have been called Lynn's friend. It is a privilege to speak about Lynn to you today, and I thank you for being here.

My friendship with Lynn began in the fall of 2001. Little did I know what God had in store for us, or for our families, when he placed us together on Shadow Ridge Court. It seemed like a perfect match...two kids (girl and boy) close in age to our kids and the neighbor kids. There was an instant connection and simple knowledge we had similar interests and love for God. I knew our friendship would grow quickly once we had exchanged phone numbers and Lynn called me 11 times a day or more. Why? Well, you know...the need for the best grocery store, mall, pediatrician, dentist, where was Ann Taylor? Do you have a diet coke (don’t tell Dave he is a Pepsi man!) etc. We quickly turned those many phone calls into play dates and hours and hours of talk and lots and lots of heartfelt bonding.

While we were busy bonding, so were our kids and our husbands. One day Lynn called to tell me about a special conversation she had overheard between Taylor and Ashlynn. They were discussing "us", the "Moms". Lynn animatedly told me the conversation ending it with Taylor saying "yes, my mom likes everything in order, everything pink and everything to look pretty!" Isn't that so Lynn? Ashlynn quickly responded with "Well, that's okay, my mom just likes to take pictures of EVERYTHING WE DO!" Two sweet little girls, developing their own special talk and articulating and bonding as friends.

Lynn and I, along with our neighbor Kathy, learned to do "soul checks" on our kids. Each of us was capable on knowing when one child was off, who needed an extra hug, an extra praise, an extra tease and giggle. Many times we laughed at how Jacob was like his mom...sweet and sensitive with an opinion and flair for fashion...watch out girls!

For over a year now, I think I knew this day would come...in fact, I was haunted by a dream that I would be asked to speak and fearful of being able to accomplish that task in a manner that would do justice to the magnificent person and friend Lynn was, not only to her family, to me, but to thousands of people around this world.

A wise person told me to put the dream aside and to enjoy today, not worrying about what tomorrow would bring…and that IF one day, I was asked to speak, then the words would come naturally. How true that was….there is so much to say about Lynn, and I have prayed that you will receive these words today in a manner which appropriately acknowledges her "specialness" and honors her memory. My challenge, I don't have the next 5 years to tell you what an impact she made on you, me, and hosts of others!

Think about how you would describe Lynn. Do you find it easy? I do, because she had So many wonderful qualities. Think about how you knew Lynn and/or what you knew about her and see if any of these adjectives fit your description - a Christian, wife, mother of two precious children, a shopper, shoe lover, lover of laughter, lover of life, faithful, helpful, easy to love, magnetic personality, beautiful, caring, honest, eloquent, sophisticated, articulate, funny, fashionable, concerned, inquisitive, could read you like a book, persistent, intelligent, pretty, sweet, organized, a perfectionist, movie lover, lover of sweets, "pink", friendly, smily, a true friend.

Many people came to know Lynn through her journey with cancer, and although she spent much of her last few years fighting this wretched disease, cancer did not define who Lynn was as a daughter, daughter in love, sister, wife, mother or friend. Lynn never wanted cancer to define her and even in her last days she gave to others through sweet smiles feistiness, directives, communicative looks or a squeeze of the hand.

While cancer DID NOT define her, it was just like Lynn to use this obstacle in her life and turn into a blessing and something that would glorify God. What a testimony to have her journey chronicled on a Caringbridge website. If you have read the website's guestbook lately, you no doubt have found it over pouring with love. How amazing...Lynn's story, spread person to person, city to city, state to state, across a nation and even to other countries!! Yes, it is true, people across many countries have posted words of encouragement and sympathy acknowledging things such as...because of Lynn's journey they have found Christ, they are going to church again, they are reading their bible, they talk more kindly to others, they want to be the friend Lynn was and have friends like Lynn's, they have more patience, they don’t take small things like chopping up fruit, typing, signing their names or driving for granted. Through Lynn, through her journey, she has continued to give...uniting even today, new friends with old friends and connecting this great tapestry God weaves through each of our lives. How awesome is that?

You know what I found incredibly unique about this friend? I loved that she allowed her friends to love her through the journey with cancer…even though she didn't let it define her. Willingly, she accepted our antics of doing the "pink earring thing" or the "pink sock thing" or the food parties at chemo, she boldly shared her fears and her hopes and was vulnerable, laughing at times it was tough to laugh and allowing the tears to flow when they came!
There were highs and lows, yet somehow she allowed us to help her or better yet, she managed to help us find some good, a remnant of hope or an amazing small blessing tucked gently into all the yuck! I loved that trait about her!

A few months ago, Lynn asked me during one of our chair talks, "Why do you think God has me on this journey?" The question wasn’t "why me" or "why do I have to endure cancer?", but "what is my PURPOSE through this journey and...am I getting it right? YES!! That was my most definitive answer. Yes, Lynn, YOU GOT IT!!!

Her faith, her continued strength, her positive attitude, her ability to rise above the bad news time and time again, her conquering every obstacle and continuing her message on the website - even when she gave her voice to Jenny and me, brought many closer to God, it led people to Christ, it renewed friendships, it showed others what love of family and friends is really all about.

If I could have that "one last conversation with Lynn" I would tell her this ~ Scripture tells us -
God knew the plans He had for you. He called you by name and knew EVERYTHING about you. You are and were His amazing piece of work. I know no doubt that when you reached the gates of heaven...stomping as you went through that thunderstorm, you were greeted by your precious Grandmother (G-Mom), by other loved ones who had gone before you and by my amazing Dad, who also loved you! Like the song..I Can Only Imagine that you danced, gracefully, beautifully and in the fanciest high heeled shoes in heaven and that you were greeted by our God who could only say "well done, good and faithful servant, well done."

It seems to me that God uses death to teach us of the preciousness and beauty of life. I know that I can’t understand now how much I will and we will continue to miss our precious Lynn, but I am certain that one of the biggest blessings of my life is to appreciate the life He gave Lynn and the blessing God gave me in having her as a friend.

It will not be possible to ever fill the void that is left by Lynn Newman. Not only is the void in our hearts, but in our spirits...after all, I don’t know if there are enough hours or minutes, shopping trips, shoes, handbags, accessories, lipsticks, new trends, twizzlers, chocolate, great songs or laughs at Mi Cocina to fill the empty voids in our hearts!

Lord thank you for blessing us with the gift and perfect blessing of Lynn. While shorter than we would have desired, we know you have orchestrated her life to be just right for Your perfect plan. Please guide us and help us to always remember Lynn, her faith, her life, her journey and her message AND most importantly to trust in You, glorifying You in all we do.

Yes, Lynn, the pain for you is gone but the pain for us remains. Your life was victorious. Thank you for being our friend! I miss you my sweet heart friend and will forever love you SO BIG!

Holly Crandell
1-3-07

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Father-In-Love, Dean Newman

I am here today because I dearly love our daughter in law Lynn and also because I have no desire to face her when we next meet and explain why I wimped out on her memorial service.

A light has gone out in our world and we weep in despair of our loss; yet our God has promised eternity for all who believe in his promises true. Dear Lynn you have lived an example with your beacon to those lost without hope. We miss your bright smile and quiet wit and the flash of the fire in your heart. Thank you Lord for the courage you gave her to share with us her long and arduous journey. We treasure the memories so precious we’ve shared with this wonderful friend.

How often I heard her declare "I am a sprinter not a marathon woman." Yet, her faith and indomitable sprint carried her to the end of the ultimate marathon.

She was determined to be there forever for our dear, dear Taylor and Jacob. I remember the drive of her effort to attend their karate class testing. Then once again she made the great effort and traveled to a surprise birthday lunch for dear Taylor at school 28 November was the date.

After the onset of unrelenting pain she would sometimes ask, do you think I will beat this cancer? My answer was always the same; I'll be there in heaven to greet you when your time on this earth is complete. I really did believe our Lord Jesus would heal her, and He did! She is laughing and dancing and sparkling brightly right now in heaven above. The gift miracle was Lynn's witness through her caring bridge website. Literally hundreds have had their lives changed for the better by Lynn's testimony and her unwavering faith and her willingness to share all, both the good and the bad. Her faith and indomitable spirit lives on in the hearts of all who knew her and in her words on the website.

I would like to share the chorus of an old hymn I used to quote to Lynn
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of this earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of his grace."

Finally, dear grandchildren Taylor and Jacob, we promise you as we promised your mother, YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE. Lynn has created this grand family of we who were blessed by her witness. We love her and will always be there for you.

And now my son David, I still do not understand the
"Why?", only our Lord does. Know that you are also greatly loved. Let us help when you are ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There seems so much to say, yet tonight the words won’t come...besides I think I have posted plenty of words for you to review. For those of you who came to the memorial service – thank you! Thank you for loving our Lynn and for loving us all through such a difficult time. Your strength, encouragement and prayers have sustained us and held us up. We are SO blessed!!

Please do not stop the prayers...please continue to pray for peace and comfort, and pray Dave and the kids have tons of fun and some quality time of bonding and healing while on their trip.

Wishing blessings to each of you and yes, much love to everyone,

Holly

Friday, December 29, 2006 6:08 PM CST

Dear All,

Long before we realized, long before we ever knew, God prepared a special place within our hearts for you. God had a special purpose when He wove our paths together, and no matter where your life may lead you’ll stay in our hearts forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With heavy hearts we inform you that our sweet Lynn made her final steps to heaven this evening. She passed peacefully with her husband and Dad by her side.

Many say people earn their angel wings when they reach heaven but for our sweet friend we know her angel wings were given at birth. She completed the work God had for her and she was a faithful servant. She was the dearest daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. Thank you Lord for giving us the precious time with Lynn on this earth. We will look forward to reuniting with her in heaven.

When we know the details for Lynn’s services we will post the details.

Please pray for peace – God’s perfect peace.

We love you all –

Holly and Jenny

Sunday, December 24, 2006 2:27 PM CST

Dearest Family and Friends of Lynn,

Merry Christmas Eve!

The “Sleepless in Seattle” has set in here in Frisco. There is so much going on and I am longing to talk with you to share with you blessings from above about our sweet Lynn and to share with you her sweet, loving, and amazing heart. So, please bear with me as I ramble on.

Many of you have written numerous times that in spite of all the “busy” goings on, especially during this season, you can’t get Lynn off your mind. Isn’t that the truth? THAT, my friends, is the work of God…placing our precious Lynn in our minds and hearts and inviting us to talk to Him about her. I tell Lynn all the time that my day is not complete unless I have seen her or talked to her……..missing normalcy has never gone away. We all have puddled and prayed that God would rid her of this cancer and life can be “normal” again. The truth is we will never be normal because this journey, like other journeys in life, is changing us forever. Aren’t you just so thankful for the blessing of friendship?

God delivered Lynn a special gift on Thursday……….her pain was under control and she was not as sleepy. As such, she thoroughly enjoyed some great visits with special guests. I continued asking “what is different today, what was the medicine mix, because whatever it was – it worked!” Well, unfortunately there was no explanation, it was just a good day and we relished every single second of it. Unfortunately, the pain came back with a vengeance Friday morning and it took until early afternoon before she found a little relief.

Let me tell you more about Thursday, because there were some silly moments.
Jenny arrived early, after dropping the kids off at school and as she was leaving, I was going in to see Lynn. She said, “Get ready, our friend is very funny today!” And you know what? She was really funny, she had opinions like she hasn’t expressed in the past and was just so fun to be with. The two grandmothers had been doing a little clothes shopping for Miss Taylor and they were needing to sort through what goes, what stays, etc. So………….we laid out all the clothes and showed them to Lynn. She was a hoot – always the fashion minded friend…she had opinions and it was fun to see the cute outfits she pulled together and agreed on for her sweet girl!!! It was a little like shopping and that always feels so good!

The kids only had ½ day of school on Thursday day and our cul-de-sac crowd always does a Secret Santa party. Because there are so many kids, we draw names, have a party and swap gifts. It is always so fun watching them figure out “who got their name!”. Kathy Shearer is our usual hostess (and does so with the mostest) and she again organized an awesome party. The kids enjoyed a chocolate fondue treat, lots of cookies, lots of sugar and lots of noise. We went by age for the unwrapping and everyone was so happy with their gifts. You can imagine how the energy level was - SOOOOOO to burn some of that energy off, we decided to go Christmas caroling on our street. Our first stop was, of course, the Newman’s house. Those sweet hyper kids were angels singing to Lynn with cute smiles and serenading with their sweet voices. Catherine (2) even did a solo of “Up On the Housetop”. She did more dancing than singing but it was still cute. The cul-de-sac gang was really good during their performance and when they were done singing, Lynn teared up because she didn’t want it to end. I leaned down and told her we would come back later and she said, “no, stay now, I want them (the kids – 10 of them!) to go upstairs and have fun!” Well, I had to gently remind her that we had just fully loaded each and every one of them with tons of sugar and the sugar rush had not quite hit its peak so we were better off to leave then, thus preserving the sanity and beauty of her home! HA

There are now thousands of you out there who know and love our Lynn so much…whether through your life being touched in person or through you following her journey on this website. It is REALLY difficult to describe exactly “how” Lynn is doing…..putting words to it is just well, hard. Yes, we can see and feel the cancer rapidly spreading through her body and she sleeps more than she is awake. The medicines make her so sleepy and loopy. We love her so much and feel such great blessings to be present when she has more awake and communicative times. Those moments are priceless. Please continue to pray for peace that surpasses all understanding as Lynn continues battle with this cancer.

Are you noticing more and more cardinals everywhere you go? The Newman Christmas tree has some beautiful red cardinal ornaments on it and recently someone sent Lynn two cardinal figurines. They are precious and are on a table she can see all the time. I commented on these beautiful birds and inquired who had sent them. The next day there was a third cardinal…someone else had found the figurines and mailed her one………they are beautiful and are a constant reminder to hope and to believe.

NANNY/AU PAIR:
The Newman’s have extended a new offer to an au pair from Brazil. The offer has been accepted and they are hopeful this new family member will arrive in mid to late February. Please pray this individual has no problems arriving in Texas and is just the right fit for our precious Newman family.

THE QUILT: We mentioned in a post earlier that we would tell you the story behind the quilt. Each year a dear friend, Anna Rainwater, hosts a Happy Birthday Jesus party for a group of girls. The same group of girls have been enjoying this party for over 7 years. Each year, Anna finds something special for the girls to do as a “love” gift. In the past the girls have adopted families, encouraged our military families, or provided a little extra for others. This year, Anna’s heart was immediately drawn to doing something for Lynn. Lynn and Taylor always enjoy going to the party, and getting all dressed up. Prior to this year’s party Anna arranged to have each of the girls design a quilt square for Lynn. (Boys were included on this project too…Jacob, Anna’s twin boys and the Crandell boys). Each square is unique and is made with such love and thought. If you look closely (picture is on the photo page) you will see hearts, love, scripture, shopping bags (yea Nordies!), lipsticks, cardinals, high heels, etc. The night of Taylor’s birthday party Lynn was presented with this beautiful quilt which was lovingly stitched together by Anna’s sweet mom, Rosie Miramontes. The quilt is trimmed in hot pink and purple leopard material. It is a gift of love and keeps Lynn warm and comfy!

BRACELETS – Lynn’s special Looking Right bracelets are still available. There is no cost for these but if you want to make a donation please do so to the Susan G Komen Foundation in Lynn Newmans honor. If you would like to have one or more, please send me a postage paid envelope (the 5 x 7 kind works best and the bracelets weigh just a few ounces) I know you will have to estimate the postage but it would be the most expedient way to help us facilitate getting them to you. The bracelets are available in pink and red, in adult and child sizes. Please send your request plus your envelope to: Holly Crandell 13 Shadow Ridge Court Frisco, TX 75034.

CHRISTMAS DINNER – What are you having for Christmas dinner? The Newman/Berg families will be enjoying a feast this year. Our sweet Jenny Gwynn sent out an email asking if anyone would like to contribute to a special holiday meal for the Newmans. Well…I don’t think it took an hour before the entire menu was OVER FULL!!! AMAZING! Everyone who offered to provide an item for the meal did so quickly and with love, offering comments of their families’ specialty. It was just God’s love at work again, through the hands of others, trying to make life a little easier and special in the midst of difficult times. So…..the menu is full and the delectables they will be dining on will all be special. They are going to have so many different families specialties…each with its own story…that should provide some great table conversation. Both Moms (Gail and Suzanne) were overwhelmed by this gesture….and it is so special. Jenny Gwynn…once again – you rock…………you are the best!

Lynn’s family support and inner support team are amazing. Jenny and I have been in awe at the outpouring of love many of you express for our posts, our help, our time, our love etc. We appreciate each gesture and word of encouragement, it is a tough thing to know how to accept sometimes….giving comes so easy, receiving isn’t always handled so graciously. So, whatever you have done, in prayer, thought, encouraging note, meals, transportation, caring for kids, wiping tears, etc. thank you. God placed us all on this earth at the same time for a reason…..for that we are confident. It is a special gift that we can pull together and love each other through the tough times. I have explained it before…so many people are being the hands and feet of Christ in a time that we feel completely at a loss or completely paralyzed. Each of you is a blessing and we are so thankful for YOU!! THANK YOU for all you do to continue praying and encouraging us. We couldn’t imagine NOT helping or doing any less for our sweet Lynn. Usually we are in a position like the rest of you, still wanting to do more more more and more!

Ending with a few prayers requests and scripture:

** Please continue praying for pain relief, pray that once again the medicine mix can be made to provide appropriate pain relief without resulting in loopiness or sleep.
** Please pray for God’s grace, peace.
** Please pray for the family to continue to manage all they are handling.
** Pray for the strength to continue looking to God to provide comfort.
** Pray for the kids and the adults to enjoy the meaning of Christmas and the fun of the season.
** Please pray for the au pair to arrive safely and to remain healthy…that all the “items to be completed” to get her here go without problems. Too, pray for this sweet girl as her heart is being prepared to join an amazing family in Texas. Until her arrival, please pray that the daily needs of Lynn’s care, household needs, meals and childcare continue to work with ease.

Please accept our love and heartfelt wishes for a happy and safe Christmas, celebrating our Lord and Savior’s birth. It is through this special gift of Jesus that our God sealed our plans for eternity.

Much love to each of you,

Holly

Luke 2:10-12
"But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

"Hope came down dressed as a child," the minister said. "That Hope is the greatest gift the world has ever known. This child taught us how to love and forgive. God can use anybody or anything," the minister said. "Don't ever underestimate who or what He'll use to get something done. But the choice to believe that is always yours to make."
From The Christmas Hope
By Donna VanLiere "

Romans 5:1-4
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Colossians 3:15-17
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 12:44 AM CST

Wednesday:
Thank you for the love and support!! We are sustained by all of your prayers, thoughts and posts. Thought everyone might like a few smiles from Taylor's birthday party...the slide show is up!

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

Dear Family and Friends and precious prayer warriors -

Where to begin? There is so much to say but it is so difficult to put into words…words that should be Lynn’s…words that are just painful to articulate, to write, to communicate, yet words Dave and the rest of the family would like you to know, especially all the faithful prayer warriors who are storming heaven on Lynn’s behalf.

Following the news from last week’s post our precious Lynn has continued to deal with pain and various other issues related to the progressing cancer. One cannot even describe how much we would love to take an iota of her pain away to give her comfort and relief.

After meeting with both the oncologist, Dr. Stokoe, and the vaccine doctor, Dr. Nemunitis, we have learned that further treatment would not be effective. At this time, no further medical treatment is being discussed or delivered. This is an EXTREMELY difficult time for everyone. Each day Lynn’s body is growing increasingly weak. The toll of the cancer spreading is quickly showing in many ways. Last week a home health care service began providing assistance for Lynn’s personal care, with Lynn’s personal comfort the primary focus.

Unfortunately, Dave recently learned there were complications with MayLing (the au pair) coming to Texas. With this said, a new search is on for the “best” person to enter the Newman’s lives and assist in all ways possible. Please pray that God’s “pick” will be revealed to us soon!

We all know what an extraordinary person Lynn is……..and so does God. God continues to show us He is present and is working through all things even though it is not how WE would like things to happen. Last week, Dave was blessed by having his two amazing friends, Paul and Andrew come in and just “hang” …loving Dave through these difficult times. It was awesome to see such good friends together….it seems the “expected” or “norm” for girlfriends, but the friendship these men share is unshakable, true, “real” and their love, support and just “time” for Dave and the family was heartwarming. Thank you Paul and Andrew!!!!

Jacob & Taylor are doing well. They both have very busy social and sports calendars are managing all things as best they can. Their sweet eyes have seen more than any of us would imagine. Lynn mentioned how guilty she felt that they have seen her suffer, cry, cringe in pain and deal with multiple levels of frustration. While all of us would love to shield our kids from the pain, Lynn was comforted to be reminded that God will allow these experiences to shape who Jacob and Taylor will become in the future. The kids are both so compassionate and caring and love their Mom SO MUCH!

For those of you who have been following Lynn’s journey for some time, you know the pain we are all feeling and that sense of helplessness. We have all had our breakdown moments….some come more frequently than others and some come without warning and much more passionate than others. I remember Dean (Father-in-love) hugging me at one particular breakdown moment years ago, he said God gave you those tears and it is okay to just let them flow. Somedays, I wonder if God intended for the dam of tears to break?

None of this journey makes sense at times. Lynn has asked “what do you think my purpose was with this cancer?” We have discussed many answers. She will discover the truth behind that question but many have been pondered …. to draw others closer to God, to be the wonderful wife to Dave, to bring Jacob and Taylor into this world, to be the friend to a bunch of women all over the United States, to be a reflection of God completely surrendering to His will and sharing that openly with others, to change a stranger’s heart. Who knows? When we put our faith in God and trust that this is truly His journey for Lynn, then it all makes more sense…even if we don’t like it.

So many of you have called, written and asked “what can I do?” Jenny and I are overwhelmed at the support we have received just by being Lynn’s friend and communicators. As much as we all feel the need to help during these difficult times, the best thing we can do is enlist your continued support through prayer. However you talk to God, please do it! It is hard to “be still” like the psalmist wrote, yet that is sometimes where the most comfort is found. Jenny and I love just spending time with Lynn and right now that is what we do. At times it is hard to know “WHAT” to do. Friends, please continue praying for all things…specifically for: comfort, pain relief, peace, strength, wisdom, for the arrival of a new household helper (childcare and household duties), for protection and for gentleness.

Thank you for all your love, support and faithful prayers.

Walking by faith,

Holly and Jenny

“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me, the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord, I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
Psalm 18:1-6

Please see the updated photos...and...take a great look at that quilt...there is a story we'll share later. It is precious and was made with such love!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 2:40 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

There is a story you have never heard before and it goes something like this:

“While I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, I experienced the most horrendous pain and torment as I “detoxed” from a high dose of pain medicines. It truly was the most awful pain I have ever experienced. I cried out to God in the middle of one night….asking, begging Him…if the pain hurts this bad then why didn’t He just “take me?” I thought if he didn’t take me then, that the intrathecal pump surgery must help and that He had a purpose for my journey with this cancer.”

“You all know that I have asked God to give me a voice when I was unable to type…for that is where I found my voice and strength sometimes, by pouring out my heart in these posts…a journal of my journey. Well, when that voice was taken away in the loss of my hand and arm, Jenny and Holly stepped in and have been my voice on many occasions. I still long to work my thoughts out, share them with you and tell you all that is on my mind and heart.”

“God chose NOT to take me during that horrible hospitalization and yet, I don’t know what my purpose is in that the pain is still excruciating and I am not getting consistent relief.”

“On Monday, my mother, mother-in-love, and Holly accompanied me to chemo scheduled at 10:00 a.m. Prior to my chemo appointment I met with Dr. Stokoe and received the results from the latest PET. The results are not as we have prayed for or had hoped. The cancer has spread in my arm and breast, and it is now present in my liver and there is a spot on my lung. This news was devastating as you can imagine.”

“Following this news, I received additional IV narcotics to assist with the pain and a bag of fluids for “re-hydration”. No one could have guessed I needed re-hydrated based on the tears shed. I know God isn’t done….this is a new chapter and I need the Lord to guide me…to guide us…this is my number one, heart-felt prayer request.”

Pray without ceasing, all my love ~ Lynn

The above words are directly from the mouth of Lynn…they are her heart…they are her concern…her voice…which you always want to read.

Now, a word from her dear editors………..please bear with us friends, this is truly a therapy..…to write out our thoughts.

Monday, was one of the most painful days I have experienced. Losing my Dad to cancer a year ago has not made this journey any easier but in some ways it has prepared me more for the remainder of my journey in life. I cringed to hear the doctor’s words and fell completely apart…and then my sweet friend…who was also digesting the test results looked at me and pointed her perfectly manicured fingers at my nose and told me to “STOP CRYING! THEY are wrong! STOP CRYING!” Okay…so what do you do when your dearest friend fires a command like that at such a gross time??? Well, I tried…and managed to stop crying for a while…until the next wave of tears surfaced. WHAT? Lynn was being STRONG for me?? Ever have a friend like that? Everyone NEEDS a friend like Lynn. I think of all the blessings she continues to bring to my life and thank God endlessly for giving me the gift of her friendship and putting her into my life. (“Every good and perfect gift is from above” James 1:17). Please friends…continue your fervent prayers and pray without ceasing….fully believing in our merciful and mighty God!

Lynn will meet with Dr.Stokoe again on Friday to asses the current prognosis and determine future treatment and care. Her pain is horrendous and getting it under control is paramount. Through email Dr.Nemunaitis (the vaccine doc) confirmed the spreading is not favorable but stated “we are NOT out of options”. Lynn & Dave will meet with him soon.

I have had the privilege and honor to have Jacob and Taylor in the Crandell home countless times…if you know them…you know how incredibly precious these children are…if you do not know these kids intimately…consider it a privilege to know ABOUT them.

Friends, please use caution with your words and discussions. Dave, Lynn and their family will choose how and when to deliver the appropriate information to the kids as necessary. As such…the kids hearts and minds are of utmost concern…please help us by being conscientious as though they were your own kids.

Firmly In His Grip, Love ~ Holly

The tears have briefly stopped only because there is simply nothing left. NOTHING in life prepares you for this moment.. Holly & I have worked so carefully at putting this post together………..I hope you can appreciate where our hearts are.

Lynn’s strength has always inspired me and yesterday she left me in complete awe……… getting up and putting on her best game face to join Taylor at school for lunch on her birthday. I know this was incredibly difficult for Lynn…….physically, emotionally, mentally…..BUT she did it!

About the time Lynn was diagnosised with cancer for the second time, “Live Like You Were Dying” had been released by Tim McGraw…it was instantly one of Lynn’s all-time favorite songs. Interestingly……Hol & I have not been able to get that song out of our heads in the past few days. We’ve listened to it over & over & over as we have prepared this post. If you don’t know this song, you need to……….the words are SO perfect.

Awhile back, an amazing woman had some life changing words she shared with me. “Once in awhile some people might start to get a glimpse of how many days they have left on this earth. Some people never get that chance…they are taken instantly. For those who do get that glimpse, they have a choice. They can either choose to count the number of days they have OR they can choose to make the most of each day” (Author - Holly Crandell!) None of us are promised tomorrow or even the rest of today……….BUT “what are you going to do with it?!” “Love deeper?….speak sweeter?.…give forgiveness you’ve been denying”? I can only hope you are never in this same spot in life……but I pray that you will live your life like you are.

In Him, Much love ~ Jenny

As you gather yourself in prayer after reading this post please remember the following:

** Pray for healing on earth
** Pray for pain relief
** Pray for peace, strength, wisdom
** Pray for Dave and the kids

Seek God…it is what we are doing as we continue this journey with Lynn.

Blessings and all our love to each of you,
Lynn, Holly & Jenny

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

Saturday, November 18, 2006 8:33 AM CST

Hello to all,

As we head into Thanksgiving week, I hope you will take a minute to count EACH & EVERY blessing in your life. Even when life is not as you hoped it would be………that’s the time to look around and realize what IS right in our lives. God showers us with many blessings but often times we are just too busy to notice. Today Lynn asked me to share with you a few of the blessings in her life:

* Lynn woke one day to a breathtaking Christmas wonderland in her house. After 4+ hours of loving care & attention to detail, her “angel elves” brought the spirit of Christmas to life in the Newman house. Her heart is overflowing with joy to know that Texas-sized tree is standing tall in her living room.

* The next few weeks will be rather busy around the Newman’s house. Lynn’s parents, Suzanne & Wayne, are flying in Monday for a week + visit. Together with Gail, Lynn’s mother-in-love, they will “do the honors” of preparing all the delicious Thanksgiving Day food.

* Mayling will be here soon! She is scheduled to join the Newman household on December 11 and Taylor & Jacob are “beyond excited“!

* There was no chemo this week - yeah - it’s always nice to have a break from that.

* Lynn is and always has been in awe of her AMAZING support system. Every kind deed, thought & prayer is always appreciated more than you could ever know. (In spite of four difficult years & unimaginable pain from this cancer journey, this precious woman is STILL able to see the blessings in her life.)

I know Lynn’s friendship has been a tremendous blessing to count in so many of our lives. As Holly mentioned on the last post, “it’s been hard to find the right words” to post lately. As we share with you more of our precious friends battle in this very non-private way, we would like to ask you to PLEASE use the utmost discretion when discussing this……ESPECIALLY when children are present. We know each & every one of you deeply care about Lynn and often want to know how she is, if there is anything you can do and what specifically to pray over. We will do our best to keep you updated through Lynn’s webpage.

Lynn‘s pain level is simply unbearable. Months of chemo PLUS the endless pain have worn her body out. The weakness added with high amounts of pain meds often leave Lynn in a “fog” ……….as a result she has lots of bumps & bruises from frequently falling. It is INCREDIBLY difficult to watch someone you love endure such horrible pain & agony. She is scheduled for another round of chemo w/ both Taxol & Avastin on Monday. Also this coming week, Lynn will have another PET scan……most likely the results will be known early the following week. Hol or I will post next at that time.

The power of prayer is a mighty thing………SO START STORMING HEAVEN!! Please pray for Lynn’s pain relief & healing…………pray for Dave’s strength & peace……. pray for Taylor & Jacob’s eyes & hearts to be protected at all times. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!

And before you gather around your table for too much turkey & “the big game” this year…… STOP!…..and count your blessings too and, “Let us come before him with thanksgiving” Psalm 95:2

With much love & thanks to each of you ~
Jenny

Thursday, November 9, 2006 10:41 PM CST

Dear All –

Where to begin? Believe me when I say…we have tried to post…Lynn even tried to dictate some thoughts…but putting it all together has been tough as the past few weeks have been more than a little rough.

I am choosing a bullet point synopsis tonight as so many of you are desiring an update and this will be easier than trying to find “just the right words”.

** Lynn’s pain continues to be at an all time high. The intrathecal pump is being adjusted but has to be done incrementally. As such…she relies on “breakthrough meds” taken orally, to try masking the pain. Some days they work, some days are just harder than others.
**The lymphodema is flaring and is a discomfort and frustration. Lynn is continuing to receive therapy and now has a home health group providing therapy in her home (yea).
**The chemo regime has resumed and Lynn received Taxol and Avastin last Monday and only one of the drugs this past Monday. She seems to be tolerating the chemo okay and we are prayerful that it is working to beat back the cancer. As I know it, Lynn is scheduled to have chemo again next week and then have a PET scan sometime during the third week of November. We’ll keep you posted.
**The high doses of meds makes balancing somewhat difficult at times and this past Sunday Lynn took a fall on her bad arm. She was concerned it was broken and had an Xray done – right now we still do not know the results of the Xray.
** Dave and the kids are doing well. Taylor and Jacob enjoyed Halloween…Taylor as a Karate Girl and Jacob as a Star Wars Storm Trooper….yes…there are pictures…I will post them eventually! There are 10 kids within four houses on our culdesac. Add ½ dozen more and a few crazy parents and you can see the mix of fun we had piling in two SUVs to cruise more quickly around the neighborhood. What a hoot! Jake and Taylor’s social calendars are quite full these days with fashion shows, sleepovers, birthday parties, cul de sac play time, karate, soccer, basketball, school, etc. etc. They are truly delightful children and bless us each day with their precious love.

Here is something cool: I was visiting with Lynn this past Sunday…a gray and cloudy day…we were sitting in her room and I was attempting to get some of her words for the post. Our HUGE ray of sunshine came exactly at the time we were speaking about God and the purpose of her journey with cancer when we heard a tap tap tap on the window and guess what was there? Yep! A beautiful, round female cardinal!!!! I almost SCREAMED “IT IS A CARDINAL”. Lynn broke out in a HUGE smile (that was THE BEST!)…you may remember this isn’t the first time we have had such interruptions during our “serious talks”. Our hope is that the little cardinal was sending God’s message that “all will be okay”. This was a definite God wink.

Lynn had not read many of your entries in quite a few days so I was reading them to her Sunday afternoon. Days of pain can bring anyone down…Lynn has been fighting this pain for so long and sometimes it is very easy to become discouraged. Your messages continue to encourage her and give her strength. They bring pure joy KNOWING you are there, praying for her, fighting with her, thinking of her, encouraging her and “being there”. Please keep them coming!!!!!!

Well, friends…..I want to get this posted tonight so I will close with complete heartfelt thanks for your continued, faithful and unwavering prayers and support. There are SO many of you out there (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) who are there for EVERYTHING!!!! Thank you for lifting Lynn, her family and the support team up….we feel your love and appreciate it beyond measure. PRAYER MATTERS…………please continue to pray for Lynn’s healing on earth and for her ultimate comfort as she continues to fight this beast called cancer.

A scripture for Lynn…..
“Remember what you have said to me. You have given me hope. Even when I suffer, I am comforted because you promised to keep me alive.”
Psalm 119:49-50

Remaining firmly in His Grip,

Holly

Lynn,
All week long I have struggled to find the words to tailor what we drafted Sunday afternoon. You wouldn’t believe the number of calls and emails Jenny and I have received begging us to post….Girl…you are amazing…your journey is reaching people far and wide…it is encouraging them that you are fighting so hard, remaining faithful and are seeking God through the struggles. You are SO LOVED!!! I hope you feel that EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although we don’t feel your physical pain, we are all so pained watching you struggle and fight this cancer. You are a precious soul to so many people and you are my AMAZING sweet friend. I love you dearly, I will miss you this weekend and will look forward to hugging your neck on Sunday. Rest well and know that God is with you!
xoxoxoxox
~ Holly

Monday, October 23, 2006 8:07 PM CDT

Dear Family, Friends and Lynn Cyper Stalkers –

Hello!

I know many of you are anxiously awaiting an update….and miss reading Lynn’s words. Well…I have some “Lynn words” dictated to me yesterday. Here goes:

“Please know how much it means to our family that you are continuing to pray for each of us…specifically for each of us. Please begin to pray for a new member of our family…an au pair named Mayling Lucero.

Interestingly both Taylor and Jacob picked her independently after looking at about 75-100 pictures. Taylor even went so far as to read her resume, and the letter that she wrote about herself, family, and likes. Very Funny!!!!
She has been driving for 5 years and will be very comfortable driving to school, all doctor, P.T., grocery store etc. so that is a blessing.
She is very aware, and comfortable that I am fighting breast cancer. Her answer after we offered her the job was, ‘Yours is the exact loving family I was hoping to join….I am so happy.’
Jacob and Taylor are excited about the new au pair…in their eyes they believe this new addition to the household is a new playmate. It is awesome they had input in the selection process.
Please pray for Mayling, that God would keep her and her family safe. As I understand it there is some danger in the country (Venezuela) due to the current President. In fact, one of the reasons we have to wait a few extra days is that she can’t leave before the election. That said, both Dave and I knew as soon as we spoke to her that it was her tender heart that would be caring for our family. Please pray for her quick arrival and that she be a loving addition to our family.”

“For the past three days I have been experienced excrutiating pain in my right arm and wrist. The pain has put me back in bed for three days…not where I want to be. I will be seeing the doctors this week to review the meds in the pump and to refill the pump. Please pray the appointment goes smoothly and painlessly.

Additionally, I hope to find out why the pain has been so high. Please continue to pray for pain relief!”

So…there you have it…words from our sweet friend. It is always delightful to be in her presence and it was my privilege to soak up a few hours visiting yesterday afternoon. We had a good time lounging around, laughing at kid stories, catching up…shedding a few tears and discussing lots of girls stuff! I can’t help but say some of these days are tough…you all know this but it is so hard to see someone you love so much continue to suffer and not be able to do much to make it go away or make things significantly better. These are the times we have to just lay it all down and let go and let God. HE is the master healer and can comfort and heal where none of us can.

Sitting in church yesterday my mind wandered to Lynn…I miss her sitting there next to me, grabbing my hand to make a point or to offer a hug when the “good songs” are sung. Pastor Pete was preaching from the book of John and was awesome as usual. I felt sad that Lynn wasn’t there and I knew she had had a rough night and was trying to manage the pain. I thought of the life God gave her and how many people she has impacted. God continues to bless her and is changing others’ lives because of her journey. I love God and I love this sweet friend of mine. Please continue praying for all her requests and anything else God lays on your heart for this precious friend.

You cyber stalkers do so much good for her….the encouragement is amazing as are the many people and things God knits together to keep things going for the Newmans right now.

Prior to Lynn experiencing her pain spike she was on a roll and doing so well. She was up doing things early in the morning making French toast and pancakes for the kids etc. There were some fun blessings last week. Funny thing…Wednesday I had a rough day…nothing bad...just stuff. It drove Lynn crazy that she couldn’t help me (I told her later now she knows how we feel when we can’t help her!). Anyway…Thursday morning she called me at 6:03 a.m.!! HA Todd and I were laughing…she had been up and had a special card she wanted to deliver to me and wondered if I could meet her at my front door so she could give it to me and give me a hug! WHAT? 6:03 a.m.? “I have to give this to you, you need to read it!” she said. I am usually up and going, maybe even showered by the early a.m. but was totally shocked at my friend (who doesn’t always move SO fast in the morning) to know she had been up…took the time to write me a card and was totally anxious to give it to me knowing it would start my day off better than the one before. What a great little reminder of what friends are for…to pick you up…to be there no matter what and to love you through all the “yuck” life offers sometimes.

Well, I better close…thank you for loving Lynn, for caring, for checking in, for praying, for all the big and little works you do, for signing her guestbook, for meals, for thoughts, for cards, for being the hands and feet of Christ. You folks ROCK and we appreciate you far more than words can ever describe.

Keep praying, keep believing, keep loving –

Much love to each of you from Lynn and a thankful friend,

Holly

Thursday, October 12, 2006 9:25 AM CDT

Dear All-

It has been a while since the last post…sorry! I know SO many of you are anxiously awaiting to know how our sweet friend Lynn is doing….let me give you an update.

Following her arrival home from the hospital, Lynn has been managing well. There is some adjusting to the new pump and it has had to be tweaked (how is that for a scientific term?) a few times to adjust the amount of pain meds being delivered to the affected nerve site. As time goes on, the goal is to get to a point where the pain can be managed with the pump meds and no additional “rescue meds”. This takes time, and yes, lots and lots of patience. For now, Lynn is taking additional pain meds as well as still “icing” her arm to relieve the pain. The pump has been successful in alleviating enough pain that the additional meds she is taking don’t tend to knock her out all day. YEA!

The latest on the vaccine is “it is on hold”. Talk about frustration!!??!! The reason it is on hold you ask? Well, if you can imagine this….attorneys!! EGADS The question is not if and when the vaccine becomes available but working out the details and the money of who and how it will be delivered. All this is managed by lots of special legal documents…controlled by more than one set of attorneys…..so….we have to wait. Please pray fervently that all the red tape will be easily worked through…and quickly…that pure administration will not get in the way of getting this very special opportunity for a cure to our dear Lynn.

The chemo regime continues. Lynn had three weeks off while she had her 15 days in the hospital. This makes her a little nervous since the chemo had begun to knock back the cancer. Lynn currently receives chemo each week and is managing this well. The chemo makes her very tired girl but thankfully it doesn’t seem to make the pain spike as bad now that the pump is installed.

Visiting with Lynn the other day I heard her say….”I’m bored!” That statement was music to my ears…an indication she is getting her feisty fight back and ready to get after beating this stupid disease! Her mind is working non-stop thinking of all the things she would like to be doing and all the things she wants/needs to get done around the house.

David and Lynn are currently in the process of looking for an au pair and have begun the official search. Their support team is unending and it is a unique opportunity to see the specific people God places in their lives each week to handle the teeniest and greatest of tasks. Lynn does have someone who is helping her handle all her needs in the interim…huge praise!

Jacob and Taylor are doing well…I will try to get a few updated pictures on the website soon. This past weekend Jacob and Taylor hung out with the Crandells and I am not sure what was in the water but the giggles were rampant and OH the house was loud! SMILE Everyone was having a grand time…I told Lynn I would tape them next time so we could blast the chaos over at her house…it was quite contagious!

Thank you for continuing to follow Lynn on this journey. Please continue lifting her in your prayers and sending her all the encouragement you can.

Please continue to pray specifically for:

**Pain relief!
**The chemo continues to hold the cancer stable or better…..resolve it.
**The vaccine is completed and the legal issues are quickly resolved.
**The right person is found to assist Lynn and Dave with kids and household issues.
**Stamina for Dave, Lynn, Gail, Dean, the kids and Suzanne and Wayne.
**Peace and patience.
**Complete healing on earth!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:6-7

Much love to each of you from Lynn and a thankful friend,

Holly

Thursday, September 28, 2006 8:32 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is with great JOY that this post is up………..GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lynn is HOME SWEET HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Go ahead….let that praiseful scream belt out…it feels so good…can you imagine how good she feels to be resting in her own bed???? WOO HOO Time for the HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!

EVERYONE is happy to have Lynn home…especially her hubby and sweet little kids…I bet there will be some major cuddle “catch up” time going on this weekend!

Lynn is adjusting well to the intrathecal pump. She remains on some “rescue meds” in pill form to help her with the pain spikes..and yes, it still spikes at times (DARN IT!). Anyway, the expectation is that she keeps the pain under control, tolerable, and managed easily with the pump and extra meds. She may have residual pain but at least she will be able to begin managing more normal daily activities. Her strength has decreased so she will be resting frequently and working back toward those normal daily activities.

There was some talk of giving Lynn one round of chemo before she left the hospital. The plan was put on hold so she could continue recuperating from Monday’s surgery, gain some strength AND have a “feel good” weekend at home with her family. As you recall, the protocol of Taxol and Avastin showed improvement on her latest PET scan so she will resume chemo treatments the first part of next week.

The neurosurgeon said the cancer present on her brachioplexus was a “peppering” so…if the chemo continues doing its job there is the hope the cancer will recede and relieve the current pressure/pain on that bundle of nerves. Now THERE is a prayer request!!

On a business note…the Newman family is seeking a live in or live out individual who can help with daily household and family activities. If you know of anyone who is available, capable, reliable, compassionate, etc. who would be willing to help the Newman Family for a minimum of six months (approximately 40-45 hrs/wk) please email or call me immediately!!(hmcrand@comcast.net or 972 370 1773). I have a list of skills/requirements and can go through those in more detail. Agency help is being explored but sometimes the best help is that which comes from a personal referral. Thank you!

Oh…our hearts are SO much lighter knowing Lynn is home. It has been a long and taxing 15 days. Thank you for holding Lynn, her sweet family and her support team in your constant thoughts and prayers. Each of you is a blessing beyond measure.

Thank you for your continued prayers..please keep them coming!!! Wishing you an evening full of blessings and cool fall weather!

Much love to each of you,

Holly

Monday, September 25, 2006 4:03 PM CDT

Dear All,

Just a quick update:

Lynn is out of surgery…everything went well and just as planned (PRAISE!!!) Jenny and I visited with Lynn (and Dave) this afternoon ~ and Lynn was quite silly. We understand she was all “fixed up” (make-up on and chipper heart) just prior to surgery…..FOR SURGERY! (Go Lynn!!!!) Post surgery she was giddy for awhile (thank you meds!). We had quite a few chuckles and continue to remind her that we have really good “dirt” on her when she gets out and can handle some hearty chuckles (her abdomen hurts with a small incision right now).

Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes. Lynn really enjoys hearing them read to her and they make her heart lighter. Please keep praying….for no infections or complications, for the cancer to stay at bay, that her body responds positively to the intrethcal pump, that the meds do their job, for peace, for patience, for quick healing, for pain relief, for sleep, for protection on Dave, the kids, her parents, and her “in-loves”, for wisdom and guidance for her doctors and nurses.

There are so many amazing stories of goodness that have come out of this trying time….our sweet Lynn is so special and her journey has touched so many lives. It is the work of God and how awesome it is to see such compassion and goodness pour from others. Thank you for being there for her…for lifting her up and for continuing to encourage her. What an honor it is to be Lynn’s friend and to be part of the masses who are helping her along this journey. I find myself thinking and saying “FIGHT SISTER FIGHT” all the time…a wonderful phrase constantly posted by her dear friend Jill Smail.

Jenny or I will update again soon…perhaps Jenny will post next and share a few funny stories with you!!! (hint hint)

Until then, much love to each of you ~

Holly

Monday, September 25, 2006 3:07 PM CDT

Dear friends,

Journaling is such a pouring of the heart as Lynn has often stated….she misses this avenue of coping with the journey and challenges that face her. So…my interest, on her behalf, is to update you on the current situation as we know it.

Overall, Lynn’s pain is lessening. She had a temporary epidural procedure done mid-week to relieve the pain. It had some success and the next step is at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. At this time she will have an intrathecal pump aka “spinal morphine pump” inserted. The pump will allow concentrated amounts of medication to be delivered via a small tube. The actual surgery doesn’t take too long but the prep time is extensive….Jenny or I will update once she is out of surgery and settled back in her room.

Following surgery Lynn will remain in the hospital to receive IV antibiotics and to ensure the pump is working. Once those things are accomplished and no other complications arise she is expected to be released mid-end of week.

Lynn will be thrilled to get to her own home surrounded by sweet kiddos, husband, and personal comforts!! Living in the hospital is frustrating, exhausting and wearisome. It has been hard for all of us that love Lynn to see her continue with the pain and to physically NOT be able to FIX it…..I think that must be our natural human instinct…just get it “fixed”. Fortunately, we have a loving God who assures us of His unfailing love. Through that we can gain peace and strength.

Please continue praying without ceasing and fully believing. Specific requests are for Lynn’s healing, strength, pain relief, sleep, peace, guidance and emotional fight. Those prayers can be dittoed for her family and loved ones as well.

Thank you for your unending support and love for our precious friend.

Blessings and much love to each of you,

Holly

Sunday, September 24, 2006 5:14 PM CDT

Thursday, September 21, 2006 6:15 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

Just a quick update as I know all of you want to know how our sweet Lynn is doing. It would be complete joy to say the pain is under control and things are resuming a normal course of action, however, that just has not occurred yet. Jenny’s last post was so accurate….the hospital stay has been “frustrating” and Lynn continues to endure horrific pain.

Yesterday afternoon a “temporary” spinal procedure was done. The procedure is delivering meds just to the site of the pain. We may not know the success of this procedure until as late as this evening as with everything else, it takes time. If the procedure proves successful, it gives the doctors valuable information on what to do for a more permanent basis to help Lynn with the pain.

Please continue to pray… storming heaven is the single most valuable thing you can do for the Newman and Berg families right now. Specific requests are for: pain relief, patience, protection, strength (emotional and physical), wisdom, guidance.

Too, please keep the encouraging guestbook entries coming, we are printing them off and reading them to Lynn. Her hospital room is full of beautiful flowers, encouraging cards and pictures taped to the wall, she has lots of sweet treats and some awesome praise music.

Jenny and I will continue to update as we have more information.

Much love to each of you ~

Holly

Monday, September 18, 2006 8:54 AM CDT

Dear friends & family -

It has been a long & frustrating 5+ days in the hospital. It seems nothing ever happens as fast as one would like in this position. The past 2 days Lynn has started resting more comfortably as the doctors have her in a somewhat state of sedation to ease her pain. Thursdays ganglion block did seem to bring some relief to her however it was very short lived ………..only a few hours. They were hoping to do another surgical procedure on her today through the spine to block the pain on a rather long-term basis (up to 6 months) however Lynn has been running a fever. Early blood work indicates bacteria -most likely a staph infection. So now the first priority is gaining control on the infection, second priority is eliminating her pain. Unfortunately it all takes time.

We can all feel the prayers coming so please don’t stop now! I would like to ask you to continue storming heaven for Lynn, Dave & her entire family. Please pray God guides , protects & heals this family physically, mentally & emotionally. Please pray for patience. Please pray for the excellent skill & care of every doctor & nurse involved with Lynn. Please pray for God’s strength & wisdom for all.

Much love to each of you ~ Jenny

Friday, September 15, 2006 7:47 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

This has been a difficult couple of weeks. Lynn’s nerve pain is simply no longer manageable and she was admitted to the hospital Wednesday night. The doctors are working to find the right combination of medication to bring her pain level down. Yesterday afternoon her pain management doctor , Dr.Graham, performed a ganglion block to easy the pain. However this procedure had little impact on reducing her pain. A neurologist is meeting with Lynn tonight to discuss getting to the bottom of this horrific nerve pain. We are hopeful that with an MRI & other tests to check the nerves, they will soon have a clear picture of the exact source of the pain. We are praying this source of pain will be able to be permanently eliminated . Due to the pain & overall fatigue, Dr.Stokoe gave Lynn a couple of weeks off from chemo but in order to stay on top of this cancer, he is hoping Lynn will be able to resume chemo treatment on Wednesday.

Lynn & her family need to be showered in prayers during this time. Please pray for Lynn’s immediate comfort & pain relief, for a clear treatment path, and for strength , health & healing for the entire Newman/Berg family. Holly & I will update as we learn more.

Much love - Jenny

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2006

Dearest Prayer Warriors,

Please pray without ceasing and fully believing that Lynn will gain some quick and long lasting pain relief! In spite of "no chemo" last week, her pain has reached an all time high. It is frustrating and discouraging to say the least.

Lynn is at the cancer center this morning receiving some IV medicines that hopefully will mask/numb/eliminate the pain.

God continues to work in all parts of the day...working out details from meals, transportation, doctor appointments, kids, etc. We are thankful and blessed for those things.

So..please pray for pain relief and for upcoming doctor's appointments being scheduled this week (i.e. with a new neurologist). The appointments need to happen without delay. Too, please pray that God blesses the specialists with compassion and specific ways Lynn can gain relief.

Thank you for being out there for our precious Lynn...she knows your there and is blessed by each of you!

Much love from Lynn and from a thankful friend,

Holly

Dear All –

Happy Friday! Guess what? Our sweet Lynn did not have to endure chemo today! WOO HOO…..well…she thinks it is somewhat of a mixed blessing. The past two days she actually started to feel a little more “normal”. Then today, for some odd reason, the pain started back up, she felt woozy, had the chills and the sweats and generally felt yucky all over. A call was placed to the doctor to see if she needed to endure chemo given all the yucky feelings. The doctor concluded that she needed a break from chemo and that her immune system is possibly becoming too compromised. He feels this break will allow her immune system to strengthen before she resumes chemo in TWO weeks!!!! YEA The blessing is she gets almost two complete weeks to gain strength, and prayerfully, feel well enough to resume more normal daily activities and squeeze in all the fun she can handle! We will pray God continues to push back those cancer cells and allow no growth during the chemo hiatus.

All is well otherwise…Lynn made it to Potbelly’s on Thursday and was quite the star!! Sometimes being around her is like being around a celebrity. Her journey has quite the following as she continues sharing her faith, strength, courage and experiences through this journey with cancer. The restaurant raised over $1500 in just three hours. WOW. If you haven’t visited Potbelly’s you should….it really is delish!

The kiddos are doing well…enjoying school and looking forward to a great night out with Dad at Six Flags.

Thank you for all the encouraging and uplifting notes. They continue to make difficult days easier and make good days even sweeter!! We are so thankful for the blessing of our sweet friend Lynn, and for YOU….all the faithful believers who are prayerfully seeing her to restored good health on earth. Keep praying!!

Take care and much love to each of you from Lynn.

Holly

Sunday, September 3, 2006 8:30 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

Happy Sunday! Isn’t it absolutely WONDERFUL to be praising God for all His mighty works and blessings this past week? WAHOO!!! The Happy Dance is definitely the latest steps in this journey with cancer! THANK YOU for embracing Lynn’s good news and posting all the wonderful remarks on the guestbook. She is amazed, lifted and appreciative of each and every prayer warrior, friend, word, encouragement and praise. You are such a blessing and Lynn is in awe of all her wonderful support!!
(“Kind words are like honey – they cheer you up and make you feel strong” Proverbs 16:24)

Just a quick update….Lynn received the taxol/taxotere drug on Friday and everything at chemo went well. Prior to chemo, Lynn met with Dr. Stokoe. He reviewed the latest Pet results in more detail and just confirmed that it was “good”. Even the area of the axilla is diminished!!! WOW! It is interesting to ponder…the belief was this latest regime was to hold Lynn’s cancer “at bay” until the vaccine was ready. There was never the belief that this combination of drugs would work to eliminate the cancer. (Many of your remember Lynn had the taxotere drug last year and it did nothing to stop the cancer’s growth.) Now however, the combo of Avastin and Taxol/taxotere appear to not only be holding the cancer but actually eliminating it…RESOLVING it…..such a God thing!!! Praise!!!

During Lynn’s meeting she discussed the ongoing and horrific pains in her arm. These pains are believed to be the result of the cancer pushing down on a bundle of nerves. Unfortunately, the nerves are damaged. At this time there is no way to tell if the nerves are permanently damaged. Lynn’s number one prayer request is that we begin faithfully praying, fully believing, that the nerves are not permanently damaged and that she may gain strength and function in her fingers, hand, wrist, biceps, etc. Lynn will be speaking and working with more doctors (neurologists) to gain more information and help with the nerve issues. I am sure she will post more about this as she gathers additional information.

Many of you have mentioned you enjoy knowing specifically what to pray. Here are a few additional requests:
** Please pray Lynn’s nerves are not permanently damaged.
** Please pray for the pain to be completely eliminated.
** Please pray the chemo continues to work to knock back and eliminate this cancer.
** Please pray for the strength and stamina for all.
** Please pray to protect & guide Jacob and Taylor’s young eyes and hearts.

Lynn, I enjoyed all our little “moments” we were able to steal last week. We are all looking forward to many FUN times with you. Concentrate on gaining your strength and let God continue work at beating back -ELIMINATING- any remaining cancer cells! YOU are a blessing to all of us…..we love you dearly and will continue faithfully praying for your complete healing on earth!!! WE LOVE YOU!

*************FOR ALL DALLAS AREA READERS*******************
Please review the information at the top of the webpage for a wonderful opportunity at Potbelly’s THIS WEDNESDAY!!! Lynn is planning on being there and would love to see you. Thank you Erin Carlson for sharing this opportunity with us!
************************************************************

Have a marvelous day and watch for those God signs….the cardinals, the butterflys, the special blessings in your day….they are EVERYWHERE!!!

Trusting in Him and sending much love to you from Lynn,

Holly

Thursday, August 31, 2006 9:30 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

As all of you know it is difficult for me to type these days as my right hand no longer works. The good news is that this post does not need to be long to be great.

This morning after I got my sweet angels off to school I went back to my room and as I relaxed in bed I watch my sweet father clean our windows. I remember thinking “Wow that just brightened that view” ironically as I was admiring the beautiful view I picked up a voicemail from Dr. Stokoe that would brighten my….well really all of our days.

“Lynn, its Dr. Stokoe. Your Pet has finally been compared and it’s good news.

The cancer in the upper extremity and right lateral chest wall has essentially resolved.

And one of the lymph nodes in the chest wall has decreased in intensity."

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Stokoe will give me the rest of the information regarding the axilla etc. tomorrow. I know we still have a long road of chemo ahead of me, but this is amazing news!

RESOLVED, RESOLVED...We have never heard that word tied to this cancer! Yahoo!!!

Thanks to all of you for your faithful prayers…keep them coming!

Much love to each of you.
Lynn Newman

Tuesday, August 29, 2006 11:06 PM CDT

Dear Friends & Family,

Hello to all! Lynn asked that I post for her this evening . Although in a good amount of pain this evening, Lynn is happy to be curled up next to Dave after his return from a 4 day trip. I have to admit, this has taken me much longer than I expected. I have typed out my words and edited each one over & over & over……….in hopes each & every word will reach you exactly how our sweet Lynn intended.

On Friday Lynn had chemo following the PET and all went as expected. However Lynn has been enduring those nasty side effects of the chemo as well as SEVERE nerve pain the past several days. On a scale of 1 to 10, her pain was at an all-time high of 11 this weekend. Even on Lynn’s “good days” this pain is very intense & very overwhelming. But on those extra “yucky days“ the nerve pain plus the side effects of the chemo are often unbearable. It’s on those “yucky days” that your precious words of encouragement in your posts mean more to her than you could ever know. Although words can’t take away her pain they CAN & DO remind her how much she is loved and they give her the strength & drive to keep her “running shoes on” during these though miles. Each & every card, yummy meal, beautiful flower arrangement, play dates for the kids & prayers said in the Newman‘s name is DEEPLY APPRECIATED!

Okay, I know what’s on your mind - the PET results………and no, they are not in yet. This afternoon Lynn learned there was a bit of a delay due to the technician’s request to compare this PET to the last PET………..the results should hopefully be known Thursday.

Also, Lynn spoke with Dr.Nemunaitis today regarding her vaccine. This is somewhat complicated to explain………….there is some uncertainty regarding the specific “make-up” of her 2nd biopsy compared to her 1st biopsy that needs immediate clarification in order to move forward towards completing her vaccine. Apparently each biopsy is a different cancer gene thus requiring the vaccine to shut down BOTH types. There is a team of 40 working diligently to shut down ALL those nasty cancer cells once & for all. As a result, the earliest the vaccine will be ready is February. This also means Lynn will need to continue the current chemo until then.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” Isaiah 40:30-31

Lynn, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

ON BENDED KNEE, please pray for the following:

** PLEASE PRAY the chemo is working & the PET will indicate such

** PLEASE PRAY for immediate clarification on which gene needs to be targeted so they can move forward towards FDA approval.

** PLEASE PRAY for pain relief - complete healing

** PLEASE PRAY for Lynn’s mental & physical strength

** PLEASE PRAY to protect & guide Jacob & Taylor’s young eyes & hearts

Many hugs to each of you ~
JennyGwynn

Tuesday, August 22, 2006 2:35 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

The past week has been a blur. Chemo last week went just as it should. I had several difficult days, but I was blessed to have this week off from chemo. One would think I would be dancing on the table tops, but I somehow picked up a stomach virus and have not been feeling well the past couple of days. I am trying to make the best of my time off from chemo and was blessed to have lunch with some friends last Friday, and spend some time with Holly while her sweet baby Catherine was napping.

The kids are “over the moon” with excitement as they are back in school and loving their teachers, and enjoying seeing their friends again.

I hesitate mentioning anything, but I have received a bit of good news about the cancer/tumors that are on my axilla. Dr. Stokoe examined me the last time I was in for chemo and he said they looked smaller. I kept this information to my self, but then when my Mom looked at them she thought they looked smaller also. Then completely unsolicited both Candice, and Leslie (my occupational therapists) thought they looked smaller and not as red or “angry” as they say in the field. This seems to be great news but we are all holding our breath until we get the PET Scan results back from this Friday’s PET.

There are a few specific prayer requests that I would like to share: I have had continued pain, numbness, tingling, and now stiffness in my fingers. These symptoms do not allow me to type, write, or use them in any functional way. My prayer request is that I would be able to regain function in my fingers, and one day my arm. For my children that they be shielded from all the stresses of cancer, and finally for complete healing this side of heaven.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, August 10, 2006 10:33 PM CDT

Dear and Family,

It has been awhile since I have been able to post. There are reasons for that, none of them good. The first is that the new chemo regimen has been difficult because it is every week. It seems that just as I come out of the chemo fog the next day I have to go right back in for another treatment. With a 3-4 month deadline (God Willing) in sight the days are still difficult, painful, tiring, and quite honestly sad. Truth be told I have not been in a good spot the past few weeks. The pain has been extreme, but I’ve been there before, so I asked myself, why is it different this time? The answer I believe is simply that I haven’t heard his voice in a while. You know the voice to which I am referring….God’s voice. It happens to all of us, some more frequently then others….but it happens to everyone. It is during these times that Satan takes hold of our insecurities and grabs on tight!

For the past few weeks I have just been sad. There is no other way to explain it. I have gained weight from the steroids I must take, so I have feel unattractive. The meds make me make me struggle to find the word(s) I am trying to think of, or I will loose my train of thought; so I feel slow and dim-witted. I am unable to play outside, or go swimming with my children due to surgeries and fatigue; so I felt as though I was letting them down.

All of these things may be true, but the way I feel about myself as a result of what the side affects of chemo were out of line. The sad thing is that I knew it. I could tell that I was sad, and quite possibly depressed, but I couldn’t get myself out of this place. What makes matters worse is that some times when we are in these places we put on our “masks” or for me my “make-up”. If I put on my make up, and a new cute outfit, no one will know that I am crying inside; no one will recognize the reality is that I am falling apart and I need someone to help me get out of this “place” ….the truth for me is that I needed to hear his voice again. I prayed that the pain would lesson, but in his infinite wisdom it didn’t. So that didn’t help me hear his voice. I prayed that the vaccine would come sooner…I hasn’t. Again Lord this isn’t helping. I felt as if my world was spinning out of control and just when I couldn’t handle the situation any longer He took care of the details and brought my family together to help me. It was then that I started to hear his voice again. I prayed, and God answered He may not have answered all my prayers but he answered the ones I needed today.

Love to all of you,
Lynn

Sunday, August 6, 2006 6:23 PM CDT

Dear All,

Greetings from a very HOT cul-de-sac…although we have clouds in the sky right now…something we have not seen in such a great while!!! Pray for rain folks…we need it desperately!!!!

Did you notice the slide show of Jacob’s birthday party?? I have to say…I am very technologically challenged, yet, so the slide show was QUITE an accomplishment....I was thrilled….I hope Lynn is too!!

As a quick update, Lynn received chemo on Friday although a little differently than presented on an earlier post. Evidently, Avastin may not be delivered two weeks in a row, SO…Lynn received Taxol only…and will receive Avastin AND Taxol this coming Friday. With only one drug being administered, this past chemo trip was not too long and Lynn was home and resting in only a few hours. Yea!

Before posting today, I called Lynn (truly to rejoice in the slide show) but also to check on her….she is having some pain in her arm and hand and asked specifically for prayers on both. Too, she has slept most of the day due to the effects of the drugs and would love to be confident that a good night sleep is in store. Please pray for sweet sleep.

Jacob and Taylor have one more week before school starts and yesterday I stole Lynn to do just a teeny bit of back to school clothes shopping for the kids. What fun!! Retail therapy is great for everyone – those of you who truly know Lynn, know she has impeccable taste so….rest assured those kiddos will decked out!!!! CUTE CUTE CUTE

Thank you for checking in and for having a heart to love and pray for our sweet Lynn…she is a friend who is too precious for words…I love this friend SO BIG as you have seen me type before….she is just the type of best friend EVERYONE deserves! It pains me to see her in pain and to know the endurance test is at its max….we are praying for God’s mercy, grace and patiently awaiting His amazing miracles in beating her cancer. The miracles are in the works…we KNOW!!!

I will be gone for the next week and will have NO internet access…it will be hard being out of touch (there is always THE CELL PHONE THOUGH! HA) yet I know she will be well tended to, cared for, and loved on by her family and SO many blessed friend. I miss you already dear friend.

Lynn is desiring to post and said yesterday she is going to begin a new journal entry…one word at a time. I know we will all be in awe to read her words, perspective, heart and faith….all are incredibly strong! So…stay tuned!

Please drop in on the guestbook…just to say “hi”. The encouragement is wonderful and does wonders for Lynn’s soul.

As a quick update, Lynn’s mother, Suzanne, received positive news on her test results. I know they are anxious to see their girl.

Thank you doesn’t seem enough to express all the appreciation Lynn and her loved ones have for you, the readers, and your faithful commitment to pray and follow Lynn’s journey. Please pray and firmly BELIEVE in Lynn’s healing on earth, pain relief, comfort, peace, precious sleep and minimal side effects from the many drugs. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Much love to you from Lynn and a VERY thankful friend and blessings to each of you,

Holly

Thursday, August 3, 2006 9:46 PM CDT

Hi Everyone -

In a nutshell, Jacob had a fantastic birthday!! The partying began around 11:00 a.m. complete with a pool party, games, pizza, good friends, swimming, a cool piñata and yes….birthday cake and presents. The party broke up just for a little while so everyone could have a rest and then resumed this evening for a sleep over. I think sweet Jacob had a MARVY day, oh yeah…and everyone else as well!!! (The cul-de-sac girls snagged a sleep over too!) YEA

Tomorrow Lynn will go to the cancer center for Taxol and Avastin. Because both drugs will be administered, the time will be a little lengthier than last week.

Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes…for Lynn, Jacob and the entire family. We feel your love and know God is holding everyone tight.

Blessings to each of you and much love from Lynn –

Holly

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3, 2006

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!!!!!!!!
TODAY IS JACOB'S BIRTHDAY!!! WOO HOO Stay tuned for an update and pictures!!!

SUNDAY, JULY 30,2006

Good Morning Everyone!

Lynn asked me to post to catch you all up on the events of the past week. There is so much to tell so I will be bullet pointing most items for ease….I promise no elegance in my words…we’ll have to wait for Lynn to type to get that! We all miss YOUR words Lynn!!!

First of all, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SUZANNE “super mom” AND GAIL “mother-in-love”. These two special ladies celebrated birthdays within days of each other….we wish them tons of love and thank them for all the love they share with us each day.

LYNN
Now for our sweet Lynn…She received Avastin at chemo on Friday. The entire drip lasted only one hour so the total trip was one of the shortest yet – YEA! Lynn was joined by many….Mother-in-love Gail, sister Terri, Jenny, Holly, Linda Denning, Gemzar rep, Darren Dobbs, etc. Lynn attempted to doze and we really tried to let her sleep but she was piping in on all the conversations, enjoyed a few delectables and gave us a few laughs!

All in all, Lynn’s pain was manageable last week. This doesn’t mean the pain was gone..just means she was able to keep the most excruciating parts at bay with all the meds. Today, Lynn’s pain and probably the effects of Avastin are beginning to increase. She is having pain in her right wrist and swelling in her hand and upper right arm (bicep and elbow). She is icing and is staying on top of all the meds to keep everything in control but it is a very challenging task. Even with every effort made, the pain can be tremendous. Unfortunately, there was a slight mix up at the cancer center Friday and Lynn got home without a refill on some of the most high powered pills she takes. These pills are so “controlled” that they can only be obtained from the cancer center. So, after speaking with the doctors, they have a back up plan for her to manage the pain over the weekend until her pills can be picked up on Monday. Lynn asked for specific prayers that the changed routine will offer the relief she needs and will be tolerable for the next day.

SUZANNE
The latest on sweet Mom, Suzanne - As you faithful readers know, Suzanne experienced a heart episode last week which was painful and scary. Thankfully, her EKG was normal (praise God!). She and her hubby Wayne, traveled back to Arizona to meet with their doctors and to have some additional tests run. Suzanne is doing well and is waiting on the test results which should be coming in toward the end of this week. We are faithfully praying and believing that all tests will come back normal and that Suzanne and Wayne can return to Texas within the next 3-4 weeks.

TAYLOR AND JACOB
The kiddos are doing fine. They are having so much fun with lots of summer activities these days…trips to a lazy river, watermelon and pizza parties, playing with friends, swimming, hanging out with Mommy…watching game shows galore!, painting ceramics, movies, pedicures and manicures (Taylor only …but with Mom and special friend Melissa Crane!), swimming some more, playing with Auntie Terri, sleepovers, trips to Dave and Busters (go Terri and Camille!). You can tell it has been a busy few weeks!!

Auntie Terri has been diligently working with Lynn the past few weeks to pull together a very special celebration for a soon to be seven year old boy!!! WOW…yes…Jacob will be celebrating a birthday this week and I promise to post a few special pictures from his party!!

SISTER/AUNTIE TERRI
Sister Terri arrived safely from Hawaii and is helping maintain the household. She is working some while in town but is helping Lynn with all sorts of details, holding whip cream fights with the kids (woops!), and is enjoying the fun times with that special niece and nephew!!

ABUNDANT BLESSINGS:
Lynn and her family have been blessed by SO many people…angels are among her and are EVERYWHERE! The smallest of “things” are the greatest blessings whether they are a constant stream of encouraging cards, guestbook entries, meals, entertaining the kids, running errands, performing therapy, etc. There are so many of you out there and so many that we may not mention each one by name. Be assured WE KNOW who are, YOU know who you are and we LOVE you for all that you are doing. THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts.

Lynn wanted to be sure to say a special thank you to two very special, heaven sent ladies. Candace Snyder…..you are amazingl!! Candace you have such a heart for our Lord and your gifts of occupational therapy, prayer and encouragement are awesome and wonderful. Lynn loves you so much and wanted you and the whole world to know how much you have helped her over the past few weeks. (Candace has been helping Lynn through therapy, regain some strength and mobility in her arm and hand).

Too, Teresa, you are heaven sent!!! This wonderful person, whom we have not met in person, sends Lynn cards EVERY DAY…many of them loaded with stickers for the kids. Lynn mentions you often, the sweet encouraging cards and always says the kids get such a kick out of receiving the stickers and mail!! Thank you for your gift of encouragement and for your daily thoughts and prayers for Lynn and her family.

PRAYER REQUESTS:
We know each of you have a very specific and private way of talking to our almighty God. As you go in prayer for Lynn, please pray without ceasing, with unquestionable faith and belief in God healing our sweet Lynn.

**Pray for Lynn’s pain relief (including the temporary “new” routine of meds), for reduced swelling, for sleep and for peace and comfort.
**Pray for Suzanne to receive a positive report, to rest and return safely to Texas in the next few weeks.
** Pray for David’s week. He will be on the road and has a heavy “work” load. “Lots of business” as Lynn says….pray he will have smooth trips and will return home safely with all deals under control!
** Pray for Jacob and Taylor to enjoy the remaining weeks of their summer…..to have peace and comfort.
** Pray for all those helping Lynn and her family – you are blessings beyond measure….thank you for staying strong.
** Peace and comfort for all.

JUST A LITTLE HUMOR
If you were to ask Lynn how her week went she would tell you parts of it were “riculously loopy”. She has the meds to thank for that but I have to say we have enjoyed many a laugh WITH Lynn about some of those moments. Some days are more challenging than others to “muster” through so it is good to have a few laughs along the way. I received a call very late last night asking me to be sure to post the most amazing news ever - JENNY GWYNN ATE A SALAD!!!!!!!!!! Those of you who know Jenny will understand, those of you who don’t I hope you get to meet her one day. She is a bright spot in every day and gives joy everywhere she goes. Jenny is NOT a veggie eater and we enjoy the occasional ribbing about that lack of food group from her diet. For whatever reason though….Jenny ate a salad last night and said she managed to get 10 bites down….enjoying each one carefully topped with a crusty crouton (yes, EVERY BITE!). I guess we better pray for Jenny’s system not to overreact to the introduction of this new “roughage!” WE LOVE YOU JENNYGWYNN!

Well, this has been a long post and I must close it for now. Enjoy your day, hug your loved ones and recognize the biggest and tiniest of blessings in your day.

Much love to each of you from Lynn and from a very thankful friend,

Holly

Monday, July 24, 2006 8:32 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

• It takes a lot to type as it is painful, so I will make this brief. However, I need you all to know that my Mother has had a heart “episode”; we are uncertain at this time what it is. She (we) have a history of heart disease on my Mother’s side of the family so when she experienced pain up and down both arms I insisted that my Father take her to the ER this morning. He did so and her EKG cane back normal, so did her blood work. However, she has hereditary high cholesterol that is out of control; even meds are not keeping it in check. The stress of my cancer is no doubt adding to this problem.

I tell you all of this because my Father has to drive her back to AZ.
PLEASE PRAY for the following:
• That she will be able to be seen within 48 hours at the Mayo Clinic for a stress test. That is what the doctors at Plano Presby are insisting upon.
• That my sister will have a safe flight from Hawaii; she is coming to help take care of me and the kids.

My love for my family is obvious and I pray that God would protect, and heal my Mother; and bring both my Mother and Father back quickly.

That said, I am looking forward to seeing my sister..I love you Terri!

Much Love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, July 20, 2006 6:19 PM CDT

Dear All,

We will hope to update you in more detail soon but for now, please begin praying and pray fully believing in answered prayers for Lynn.

Her specific request are:

**Pray for the pain to cease immediately!
**Pray that the "new" stomach issues are resolved quickly.
**Pray God will protect her from Satan and the awful attacks.
**Pray for peace and comfort...for Lynn and the entire family.

One last request...Lynn has had a very difficult day. She specifically desires to make a Swim Awards Dinner for Jacob tonight at 7:00 p.m. To make the dinner will require Lynn to muster every ounce of her energy. She wants to be up and celebrating with Jacob. Please pray she can manage this tonight.

Tomorrow is chemo. Please pray and believe without ceasing that the chemo is keeping this yucky cancer away so her cure vaccine may be delivered in the next few months.

Thank you for blessing Lynn in so many ways...I hope she will be able to share some unique blessings with you soon.

From my grateful heart, thank you for loving our sweet friend through this journey. Your words are incredible and wonderfully encouraging..please keep the posts coming!!

Much love to you from Lynn and from a thankful friend,

Blessings,

Holly

Saturday, July 15, 2006 4:14 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

I was sort of hoping to be typing from the Newman Household Command Central with my bestest buddy Lynn doing the dictating. Unfortunately, our sweet Lynn is in quite a bit of pain today and we are not able to rendezvous. After speaking with her several times this morning she asked me to do an update and fill you in on the happenings of the past few days.

**Lynn has experienced continued pain. Some days the pain has been more manageable but most days the pain remains high - a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1-10.
**Lynn was not able to make her appointment with the pain management doctor this week and the appointment has been rescheduled for this coming week. Please pray that the appointment will be one she can easily make and the doctors can discern additional treatment to lessen the pain.
**Lynn and Dave had an encouraging meeting with Dr. N which she posted about earlier.
**Thursday a special prayer meeting was organized by Jenny Gwynn (you rock girl). Lynn was able to make the meeting and people all across the USA were praying for her!
**Lynn received Avastin and Taxol on Friday. The appointment was very long but everything went as smoothly as it could. Next Friday she will receive only Taxol, the following week she’ll receive Avastin only, then the third week both drugs will be given. This regime will continue until her vaccine is ready. (We’re praying for 3 months max!)

Lynn continues to lean on God and had many “God-winks” this week. Here are two specific ones that will bring a smile to your face:
(1) Lynn had the biopsy done on one of the tumors under her arm. At times the biopsy was uncomfortable and she was still experiencing pain from her hand up through the shoulder. Throughout this appointment Lynn prayed. Oftentimes, she was praying aloud without knowing it. One of the scientists working on Lynn’s case was present and completing the dissection, freezing the sample for testing and talking to Lynn. After everyone else had left the room (except Lynn and her Mom), this special person, told Lynn she had heard her prayers. She told Suzanne (Lynn’s mom) what a strong daughter she had. Suzanne wholeheartedly agreed! She also shared with Lynn and Suzanne information about some of the other special people working specifically on Lynn’s vaccine/cure. This wonderful scientist had kind, loving words, comfort, encouragement and reassurance for Lynn. (Thank you God for sending such special people into Lynn’s day!!!) (Note to Lynn: I know there is so much more to this story as you shared with us Thursday night…perhaps you can elaborate later on the uniqueness of all the special people involved on YOUR case!)
(2) Thursday before the prayer time, I visited with Lynn. We just sat and talked for awhile. While we talked, this beautiful little female cardinal came and landed on one of the bushes behind the chair where Lynn sat. I told Lynn the cardinal was looking in on us, checking to make sure we were okay. The bird stayed for a few moments then fluttered away. We kept our conversation going until the little girl appeared again – this time on a bush outside the window in front of the chair. Lynn saw her this time. She stayed for awhile…her feathers all fluffed out. She groomed her self tidy and then fluttered away. Lynn and I just watched in silence then chuckled wondering if she had just taken a quick dip in the pool for a refreshing bath (it was 101 degrees outside!).
Lynn and I discussed if God was trying to talk to us through the bird. We agreed that yes, perhaps He was and we needed to listen. There is power in prayer and lots of hope by trusting in God. The little bird appeared two more times before we ended our visit. Both of us felt a little renewed and refreshed…perhaps because of the “God-wink” or perhaps because of just having time to visit. Either way….it was wonderful and we both joined some amazing woman for a wonderful hour of prayer that evening.

During my last conversation with Lynn this afternoon she specifically said fear was creeping in and she worries the cancer is moving further up her shoulder. Fear and worry are so naughty and they can absolutely wreck a good mood/day/moment. As you journey through the rest of your day today and through the weekend, please remember Lynn and all she is managing right now. She is very tired and sleepy but sleep is not sweet/constant or without pain. Please talk to God every moment you can and petition for Lynn’s pain to be eased and for the drugs to be doing their business – killing the cancer!!!!

Here are a few of her IMMEDIATE PRAYER REQUESTS:
**Pain relief, comfort
**Relief from fear/worry
**Medications to work and defeat the cancer
**Peaceful sleep
**Protection, strength and stamina for Dave, Jacob, Taylor, Suzanne & Wayne (Lynn’s parents) and Gail & Dean (Lynn’s Parents-in-Love)
**Peace for all
**Please pray the side effects from the Avastin and Taxol will be minimal

Much love to each of you from Lynn and her wholehearted appreciation for your dedication, love and support of her and the family during this journey -

Sticking with God,

Holly

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 8:26 AM CDT

Dear friends and family,

It is with a grateful heart that I post this early Wednesday morning. The rest of my sweet family is still asleep, but I woke up at 5am and could have rolled over to grab an extra hour of sleep, but I was called to journal, so here I am. I hope this letter finds you well.

The past 24 hours have been filled mixed with emotions. Dave and I met with Dr. Nemunaitis yesterday at 9am. (Thank you for all that prayed for this appointment it was a terrific meeting.) Dr. N shared that we are one step closer to going to the FDA. I know it always seems that we are always 4-5 months out…well yesterday we learned that the scientists working on the study that I am participating in were able to confirm (in the past 72 hours) what many naysayer said could never be done…as such we have finally broken through the 4-5 month wall (PRAISE GOD!!!!)

Several steps still need to be completed in the study including obtaining FDA approval, but we are now looking at approximately a 3 month timeline until I have my vaccine. Friends the news we received yesterday was exciting, it confirmation that I am exactly where I need to be.

That said, I have a hard 3 months ahead of me. Dr. N spoke to Dr. Stokoe when I was in office yesterday. They both agreed that Taxol with Avastin is the appropriate treatment plan until the vaccine is available. This means at least 3 more months of chemo.

As you all know the chemo causes the cancer to inflame, this is what causes the intense pain. To make matters more complicated, Dr. Graham will not be able to offer much in terms of pain relief. The PET scan confirmed that the cancer has spread to my shoulder, so at most he could offer a procedure that would give me moderate relief for a week. At this time he suggested staying with the narcotics for pain relief. They help to a point but that means most of the time I am sleeping, tired, and loopy,,,JEN…leave it alone friend!

However, I have always said that I can endure the pain if I had an end in sight…I truly believe that we have an end in sight. I am looking at October or November as end of chemo date!!!!

Don’t let the later news overshadow the news we received from Dr. N. This is a turning point ~ I still need your continued prayers:

• Please pray for the biopsy will go perfectly at 10:30am this morning.
• That Chemo will be tolerated well on Friday at 9:30am and will be affective at containing the cancer.
• That my pain will be minimal, and manageable.
• That my children will continue to be protected from the horror of this disease
• For my parents, that God might give them clear direction if/when they should move to Texas.

Thank you all for continued prayers, meals, thoughtful e-mails, posts, love and concern.
Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, July 8, 2006 12:46 AM CDT

**UPDATE 7/11/06**

Thank you everyone for all the prayers for Lynn. The outpouring is awesome and is a warm, encouraging embrace in the midst of this mighty storm.

I had the opportunity to get my "hug" from Lynn yesterday...face to face after being away for over a week. It did us both good!

Anyway, she wanted me to let you know she was able to get in to see both doctors this week - HUGE PRAISE! One appointment is early this morning and the next one is tomorrow.

Please keep praying. God Bless each of you -

Holly

***********************************
Dear Friends and Family,

Let me begin by thanking each of you for the outpouring of encouraging words that so many posted yesterday. Many of you prayed for pain relief, please continue as the pain has not let up at this point. Others offered words of encouragement. I imagine that many of you have gleaned through some of the posts from those that I personally spoke to; the news from the PET was not what we prayed for. At least not on the surface…. I will recap the results below.

The cancer continues to grow in the following areas:

1. The right supraclacicular region (in at least one lymph node ABOVE my right clavicle).
2. Right internal mammary chain lymph node (lymph node chain located inside right breast…i.e., several lymph nodes in a chain of nodes located between the two breasts.)
3. Skin lesion located on inside of right arm
4. Skin lesion located in right axilla
5. Skin lesion located on right breast
6. A new area located on right rotator cuff (right shoulder)
7. An area of concern is on the LEFT paraspinous (i.e., left back muscle) this is an area that we will watch as it is suspicious, but Dr. Stokoe is not 100onvinced that this is cancer but it is of concern.

Given the above obviously the Gemzar/Carboplatnin chemo regimen was not at all successful at reducing, retarding, or even stabilizing the cancer. As such I will not continue with this course of treatment.

We do have one huge praise; the cancer has NOT spread to liver, lung, or bone. This is a huge praise, and although the above is not at all what we hoped, or prayed for the fact that our heavenly Father has protected my vital organs is amazing, and for that I am thankful!

That said, I had a 12:45pm appointment scheduled Friday with Dr. Stokoe to receive the above news in office. When asked by my O.T. Thursday what my gut instinct was I wasn’t quite sure. Of course I had big concerns or I wouldn’t have asked for the early PET. However, I have had some fluid draining from the above skin lesions the past 6 days so a very small part of me thought maybe the Gemzar did just need add’l time to get into the heavily dissected axilla. But as is nearly always the case God whispered in my ear around 3am Friday morning, and prepared me that the news was not going to be good. As such, I placed a phone call to Dr. Stokoe at 8:30am leaving him a voicemail that I felt the news was not going to be good, and I needed to prepare my heart before he broke the news to David, my Mother, and my Mother-in-love who had planned to attend the 12:45pm appointment. After receiving my voicemail Dr. Stokoe called me and gave me the results over the phone.

He went on to suggest that we revisit Taxol with the addition of a new drug called Avastin. Avastin is a newer drug that keeps tumors from growing new blood vessels. This starves the tumor and slows or can even stop its growth. I wish I could take Avastin by itself, but with breast cancer they offer it along side a chemo agent, in my case both Dr. Stokoe and Dr. O’Shaghnessey would like to couple it with Taxol.

At this point I am not sure what I want to do regarding therapy as we wait for the vaccine.

I will consider the above; however I am waiting to get an appointment with Dr. Nemunaitis to discuss possible studies that might make more sense, and/or be less toxic to my body. My heart is telling me to follow this path; however here is my immediate challenge.

I spoke to Dr. Nemunaitis via cell phone yesterday afternoon. He wants to see me Mon or Tues day to discuss potential trials that I might be a candidate for. However, he didn’t have access to his schedule when we spoke, as such he asked me to call his scheduler and advise her that he requested I be added to his schedule Mon or Tues. I called and she said that he is out of office Monday, and he is already over booked Tuesday. As such, she can’t/won’t give me an appt. Mon or Tues. We need prayer to make this happen, here is why the timing is so tight:

Dr. Nemunaitis has requested a new sample/biopsy of tumor for two reasons:

1.) The April biopsy indicated that the cancer invaded the skin i.e., it is now considered inflammatory breast cancer.

2.) We introduced two chemo agents (Gemzar and Carboplatnin) to the cancer.

Both of these two things are a change from the tumor that we removed in Oct 2005; which is the tumor that has been used for his current vaccine study. He wants to ensure that these two variables have not changed the DNA of the cancer. If either change has altered the DNA then they will have to account for that as they continue to press forward in creating my vaccine.

In an attempt to allow me to start some sort of new treatment by Friday of next week, and give me at least 48 hrs to heal from the biopsy prior to the new “treatment” we would need to do the biopsy by Wednesday. As such I went ahead and scheduled an appt with Dr. Kuhn (this is the surgeon from my Oct 2005 surgery that placed me in Dr. N. vaccine study) to get a biopsy at 10:30am on Wednesday. FYI: Typically surgeons like to see you to examine the tumor prior to the biopsy…that is/was suppose to happen at my Tuesday appt when Dr. N was going to have Dr. Kuhn just walk down stairs from his office to Dr. N office and take a quick look to make sure the biopsy was o.k. to do in office. Now that meeting is in jeopardy as Dr. N’s schedule is booked. Please pray for resolution of this issue.

I will close with many thanks from all of you that send me words of encouragement; I appreciate, and need them SO much.

Please pray for a clear path that God needs me to take regarding future treatment, that doors will be opened for appointments as needed, for pain relief, for protection of Taylor and Jacob’s sweet hearts, and for Dave and me. The past three years of fighting this cancer battle has been difficult, it is physically and emotionally exhausting. I pray that we are able to beat this ugly disease and years from now look back and say how grateful we are that our family is healthy and happy!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 0:15 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

After 45min of journaling Caringbridge website timed out and my entry is gone. For fear that this will happen again I will make this brief.

Wed Chemo went fine. Thursday and Friday's pain was manageable but Sat, Sun and Monday have been difficult. Monday after hours of extreme pain and tears I broke down and called Dr. Stokoe. I shared what was going on and the readers digest is that Wed Chemo has been pushed to Friday so that a PET Scan can be preformed Wed at 9:15am.

This is being done at my request as I cannot continue with this chemo unless I can be certain that it is working...it is just too painful.

Please pray that we are able to clearly discern if the cancer is shrinking.

Most importantly please pray for pain relief and healing. I am weary friends and there are days that feel like I can not take much more. Please pray for strength and healing.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:44 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am so very sorry that I have not posted in so long. The truth is that for two weeks I was in extreme pain and literally in my bed for 6 days one week, and after the second chemo I was in bed for 8 days. The culmination of the above plus the last three years finally broke me and I fell into a mild depression; that I truly thought I could not pull myself out of. My sweet friend Jenny heard my cry last week and took the first step toward my feeling better….she TOLD me that she was bring lunch to my house. She didn’t care if I in bed, in my P.J’s, no make-up, etc….she knew that I shouldn’t be alone (the kids were at our church’s fine arts camp for the week from 9-3pm). God just worked put the details, shortly after Jenny called, Holly called to check on me and when she heard we were having Pei Wei she quickly said she would be joining us also. A couple hours later my friend, and neighbor Linda called to say hello, and I told her to come join us…so she did.

My point in sharing all of this with you is to remind each of you, is that God is handling all the details in all our lives. As such, we should stop worry about all the 100 little things that drive us crazy, or the really big stuff like, “When is my life saving vaccine going to be available?” I would love to have all the answers to these questions, but the truth is that I we don’t, we can’t. So let it go…stop worrying and simply enjoy today, and I will try and do the same.

I have chemo at 10am today. I’ll check in later today so that I can share the wonderful details of the wonderful six days we had on my “off” week of chemo.

Until then, much love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, June 16, 2006 3:52 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Hello! I am here to give you a brief update on Lynn. She is dealing with some pain and muscle spasms today. This is frustrating but the good news is she is doing everything right to manage it and her sweet kids are enjoying their day with attention from grandparents and friends!

TOO, we are thrilled to tell you about the most amazing link at the bottom of this website. Please check it out immediately!! The link is to a video clip from the Race for the Cure. I think either Lynn or I posted following the race that at first we felt “there were no words” to describe it. Well, hopefully for those of you who were present and for those of you who were with us in spirit, you will fully feel the love, the support, the energy, the hands of God at work as you watch the clip. (Note...it does take a few minutes to load and there is almost and entry segment and a “full segment” so watch it all!)

Before posting today Lynn and I pondered the emotions we felt as we watched the clip AGAIN. We both were brought to tears as it is truly amazing to see the support for not only our lovely Lynn, but for all those who have journeyed through breast cancer, and for those who are currently in their journey, and even too, those who may have yet to deal with this disease. Prayerfully and willfully, may all the efforts put forth in this walk and others one day lead to THE CURE for this awful disease!

So, as you watch the clip, whether once, twice or many times, please reflect on the emotions, the love, the pictures, Lynn’s eyes, and the words to the songs. The first song is “Be Lifted Up” – how appropriate – our Lynn is continually lifted up by the thousands who have lifted her in prayer, in spirit. The second song is one Lynn frequently listens to on her I-Pod during treatments, during frequent “waits” for doctors, or while recuperating. It is titled “Walk by Faith” by Jeremy Camp. The words are awesome and how fitting that as a team we “walked in love and support for Lynn.” One stanza of the song states “I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see, because this broken road, prepares YOUR will for me.” WOW

We cannot end this update without properly thanking the three people who made this video link possible. First, Todd Crandell – your connections are endless and we love you for always being there! Corbin McGuire, through your heart and vision, you combined pictures and music to put the compilation together. And Brian Russell, thank you for your technical expertise in finding a host for the video and for loading it on the website. You gentlemen are all amazing. We appreciate you, we love you and we will thoroughly enjoy re-visiting the walk through your efforts – thank you from the bottoms of our hearts!!

Please continue praying for our sweet Lynn…for all side effects to be minimal and for peace and comfort – for her and her family.

Much love to all of you from Lynn –

Holly

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 6:20 AM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter finds you well. The good news is that my pain is much better today. The reason is that Friday morning Dr. Graham fit me in for an emergency out-patient surgery to perform the 2nd of the 3 spinal epidurals, and steroid neck injections. Saturday I was tender but up and out of bed, the same for Sunday. Yesterday I really felt good, and but for the 2.5hr wait to see the doctor, (6 hours spent to, from and at Baylor), and the fact that my sweet girl has an ear infection, it was a good day (really it was,and this is a huge praise).

I was really looking forward to today being a great day. That I would be able to get a few things accomplished before I have to go back into chemo Wed for both Gemzaar & Carbo Platnin. That was until I learned that Tuesday was the only day I could get a port (I wanted to get it Wed am b/f chemo…the doctor only does the surgery Tues/Thurs ….UGGH!!!) If any of you know me you know my feelings regarding a port, but after 2.5years of chemo my veins are nearly gone and given that the vaccine is still 4-5 months away I finally gave in and I will be going in this morning. I really am o.k. with the decision, I just wish I could have had one good day to get some things done before Wed. chemo.

Please pray that the surgery goes well. It is a one hour surgery. I check in at 10AM, they take me back at 10:45am, IV started and they will begin surgery at 11:45am. It should be completed at 12:45pm. I’ll be in recovery until 1:30 and if all goes like clock work home in bed by 2:15pm.

Please pray for the surgeon Dr. Littrell, that he is given God’s perfect vision, steady hands, clear mind, that the PORT is installed perfectly, that my skin heals quickly and perfectly as I have chemo Wed and of course for minimal pain. Also, please pray for the Anesthesiologist. That he/she will be able to find a vein easily, and for a compassionate nurse.

I will close with some additional prayer requests: For my David, that he has safe travels home from N.Y. this evening, and for my sweet girl, that her ear infection heals quickly. Lastly for my friend Kathy, that God would heal her swiftly. She was in a great deal of pain over the weekend and my prayer is that she would be up and around and feeling better in next to no time. We love you Kathy.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and amazing words of encouragement.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, June 12, 2006 11:47 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter finds you well. The good news is that my pain is much better today. The reason is that Dr. Graham fit me in for an emergency out-patient surgery to perform the 2nd of the 3 spinal epidurals, and steroid neck injections. Saturday I was tender but up and out of bed, the same for Sunday. Today I really felt good, and but for the 2.5hr wait to see the doctor, (6 hours spent to, from and at Baylor), and the fact that my sweet girl has an ear infection, the day was good (really it was, I felt really pretty good, which is a huge praise).

I was really looking forward to Tuesday (today) being a great day before I have to go back into chemo Wed for both Gemzaar & Carbo Platnin. That was until I learned that Tuesday was the only day I could get a port (I wanted to get it Wed am b/f chemo…the doctor only does the surgery Tues/Thurs….UGGH!!!) If any of you know me you know my feelings regarding a port, but after 2.5years of chemo my veins are nearly gone and given that the vaccine is still 4-5 months away I finally gave in and I will be going in tomorrow morning. I really am o.k. with the decision; I just wish I could have had one good day to get some things done before Wed. chemo.

Please pray that the surgery goes well. It is a one hour surgery. I check in at 10AM, they take me back at 10:45am, IV started and they will begin surgery at 11:45am. It should be completed at 12:45pm. I’ll be in recovery until 1:30 and if all goes like clock work home in bed by 2:15pm.

Please pray for the surgeon Dr. Littrell, that he is given God’s perfect vision, steady hands, clear mind, that the PORT is installed perfectly, that my skin heals quickly and perfectly as I have chemo Wed and of course for minimal pain. Also, please pray for thee Anestheologist. That he/she will be able to find a vein easily, and for a compassionate nurse.

I will close with a prayer request for safe travels home tomorrow from N.Y. and for my sweet girl’s ear infection to heal quickly.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and amazing words of encouragement.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, June 8, 2006 1:25 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 12:42 as I begin this post, and it saddens me to say that I awoke due to extreme pain, and not because I was blessed to have too much rest yesterday. Chemo went fine. I was blessed with the company of my mother, mother-in-love, friend Linda Denning (who I hadn’t seen in nearly a month due to her travels and my pain so it was such a treat to be able to catch up!!!)

I don’t know what it is about this chemo but it hits fast, and it hits hard! My pain presently is a 7 if I sit still, and type w/ one hand. It moves to an 8.5-9 if I move around. Needless to say I will be making this entry brief. I heard back regarding my PET so I wanted to post.

The PET came back with mixed results.

The good news first:

• No cancer detected in liver, lung, or bone. This is a huge praise and an answer to prayer for sure!!!!
• The area under the clavicle AND the area on the far side of my left breast appear to be smaller, and thus appear to be responding to this chemo regimen. Again this is a huge praise. Interestingly, I do not experience pain post chemo in either area…hmmmm…I don’t understand why so much pain elsewhere…

Now for the bad news:

The PET does show growth in the axilla, and right upper arm. This does not surprise me as I can see, and feel this growth. Again, the part I don’t understand is these are the areas that I have the most pain post chemo. (Darren….any thoughts?) To be honest I felt pain as early as 4 hours post chemo in the arm and axilla it has gone from a 4 to an 8-9 with rescue meds every 4 hrs. This is up from a pain of 2 with no rescue meds all day yesterday until I was half way thru chemo. I don’t understand this chemo, but I would ask for your prayers as the pain is unbearable, nothing is touching it, and will be at God’s hands that I get relief.

I asked Dr. Stokoe how he would characterize the PET? He said stable as the above showed improvement, and growth. He wants to stay the course for 2 more rounds (I had the first half of round 3 yesterday, the second half will be next Wed then I am off for a week, and go back 6/28 etc. I will have a repeat PET at the conclusion of round #4 to reassess. Dr. Stokoe is hypothesizing that the growth is due to fact that I’ve had so much surgery and radiation in that area the blood vessels are extremely disturbed and it is difficult for meds to reach affected area. This would be true w/ any meds, but given we see reduction in other two areas he wants to give it some more time to see if It’ll get there. PLEASE pray that it does.

Prayer Requests:

• Complete healing
• Pain relief!
• Protection from illness
• Protection for Taylor and Jacob’s heart.
• Protection for David as he travels and of his heart.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, amazing meals provided for me and my family, but most of all for praying for me and my family. God can heal those that ask, thank you for diligently praying for my healing here on earth.

Much Love to each of you, and keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:07 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh my Goodness what a blessing the five days have been.

Friday I finally came out of my chemo pain/fog, and then Saturday….The Race for the Cure! There are NO words. It was simply AMAZING! I have never actually attended a race as the past two years the cancer wouldn’t allow me, but OH it was worth the wait! When I got there and began to see our Looking RIGHT team form…10, then 20, then 40, then 60…when all were there, we had 92 loving people on our team. 92 people there to say I love you, I support you, and we WILL find a cure for this disease on your behalf. Oh the tears just fell….just as they are now! I mentioned to my Holly last Wed that I got my “game face back on” but honestly looking back it really was only 60% on….the rest came at the race! I am so humbled, so honored, & so proud to be a part of such an amazing event, with such a remarkable group of friends and loved ones! Thanks to each of you that walked, that donated money to the race, and that prayed that all would go well…it truly was a day that I will NEVER forget!

Most of you probably gleaned from Holly’s post, entries, and the Race Pictures that were posted, that I had family from Minnesota surprise me, and showed up for the race. It was so great! My Aunt’s Connie, LaJean, and Mary; my cousins Kelsey and Holly and Holly’s daughter Autumn. These amazing women have a history of surprising me….they did the same thing nearly ten years ago when Dave and I were married in Colorado they showed up at the wedding to surprise us! OH!.....they are So dear. I had an opportunity to see Connie and Kelsey a couple months ago when they came to Texas for a wedding, but it had been YEARS since I’d seen the rest. We were able to spend the week end swimming, and enjoying each others company as we had a glass (or two) of cheer. Thank you all so much for coming, it made the Race that much more special, and the week end terrific.

As if that wasn’t enough, we were blessed with Dave’s dear friend Paul from Colorado this week end. He didn’t realize when he called to say that he was coming last weekend that it was the race….he quickly realized that he was in for an amazing week end. I am SO THANKFUL that you came Paul. As always you may not have known how much Dave needed you here this weekend, but God did and some how you got that message.
We are blessed by your friendship.

Today I am awake at O’Dark thirty….really I started this post at 5am. I got a couple naps yesterday so at 5am I was awake and I thought I’d try typing (it is a slow process with lots of backspacing. HA! I prayed this morning that God would help heal my right and it did work so I am blessed by the beginning of that answered prayer.)

The kids have swim team from 8am-9am and then I’ll come home and get ready for chemo. Yuck!!! This is the bad week with both Gemzar, and Carbo Platnin and the side affects are not any fun. Please pray that God will help me through the pain, and that the other side affects will be minimal.

I still have not heard back regarding the PET Scan. Either I or Holly will post as soon as I hear anything.

It is now 6am and my neck and arm are beginning to hurt so I must close.

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Saturday, June 3, 2006 10:20 PM CDT

WOW!! Earlier today I told Lynn, I wasn't sure if there were words to describe today...but tonight I fully believe there are....amazing, wonderful, awesome, inspirational, breath taking, refreshing, loving, rejuvenating...and delivering on the promise!

You will be hearing words...from Lynn...and soon. Today was also a little overwhelming. There is so much to say but I can't do it justice...you'll have to wait to read it from Lynn.

Please check out the new pictures from the Race today. To each and every person who made the race happen, walked (or ran) in honor and support of our sweet Lynn, prayed for her, prayed for others in the battle or to those who have gone before us...THANK YOU! You MAKE a difference and you MADE a difference TODAY!

God Bless You All -

And of course....Much Love to all of you from Lynn,

Holly

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 10:41 PM CDT

***************************************
See information above about Saturday's Race for the Cure!!!!
***************************************

Dear Family and Friends,

You are in for a treat! Lynn has dictated her words for posting tonight….there is nothing quite like hearing from Lynn….here it is:

It is Tuesday afternoon, May 30th and I am in my bedroom - I am perplexed at how I got this far, or rather how I got into this position - that I am using a voice recorder to transfer my thoughts onto a tape so that my dear friend can then transpose them onto my journal because my hand will not allow me to do it. I think that for the first time it is challenging because I think journaling is a method of therapy for me and somehow, not being able to do it is maddening and saddening all at the same time. Nonetheless this is certainly not an avenue I would choose but one that I am grateful to have and certainly blessed by the fact that my sweet friend Holly has offered to transpose…for this I am grateful.

I am sitting here looking out my bedroom window and for those of you who haven’t seen the view out my bedroom window, I KNOW you would love the site. The view overlooks the Stonebriar golf course and has a beautiful back drop of mature trees, and an amazing lake with water fountains. I have often thought there is no better place for me to rest and recover on a day to day basis. I think God knew, in all His wisdom, that this house was for us. There is no other place I would rather recover right now….for that, I am thankful.

A friend of mine has a unique and interesting story (which is too long to share in print) about how she and her husband KNEW immediately when they found the house that was FOR THEM. Like my friend, I think David and I both KNEW this would be our home when we first saw it. The bathroom decor, which the previous owners decorated with wallpaper, would not have been my first choice. The bathroom has yellow wallpaper, (which we have chosen to leave up) one of those wallpapers you immediately love or hate. For us, we immediately loved it because it has beautiful green vines with amazing red cardinals throughout. I often think how apropos it is, every day I look at the red cardinals in my bathroom and the amazing view out my window……so that is where I am sitting now as I talk to you and this is an amazing blessing.

It has been a challenging week, a very difficult past seven days. I had chemo last Wednesday and for the most part it went smoothly. The recovery was incredibly difficult though. Hit a wall with all the pain challenges. This wall wasn’t a wooden wall I could manage to break through, instead this wall seemed to be a brick wall that we couldn’t get through. I had to make an emergency phone call this weekend and thought I was headed for a hospital stay. Thankfully, we were able to get some rescue meds which allowed me to get some relief. We increased the pain patch from 50mg to 100mg and changed from Vicodin to Dilotid. Dave likes to jokingly tell me I am on the crème de la crème of all drugs and that of all the narcotics available, apparently mine are highly wanted on the black market!! HA! Needless to say, we were finally able to get a little relief and that was a blessing.

While the relief did not last long, I had a short reprieve on Monday (not enough!) but I was able to get out for the first time since chemo to attend a party at my dear friend Kathy’s house. It was an incredible site to see - it was a party that celebrated Memorial Day yet it screamed out to me about friendship and love and all the amazing blessings we have, and all the friends we have in this neighborhood that we get to call home in Stonebriar! We had a total of 8 couples at the party and a total 40 people with all of our children jumping and splashing in the pool it was quite a site. It was just wonderful to be out even for a short while, to visit with friends, to sit and enjoy the “pretend” for a moment. The “pretend” that the world of cancer I am currently living in is something that I could put a pin in and forget for a few moments.

Today we had the challenge of going to Physical Therapy and to the Cancer Center to receive additional medicines. I received a phone call this evening informing me that my pain management doctor, Dr. Graham, believes it is necessary and wise for me to go in for day surgery tomorrow (Wednesday) at 11:00 a.m. The purpose of the surgery is pain relief! Dr. Graham will sedate me, put an epidural in my neck, then inject steroids into the scapula. This will hopefully block some of the pain I am having in my neck, shoulder, shoulder blade and scapula area. THAT is the hope, that this procedure will minimize the pain and allow me to reduce the number and strength of narcotics I am currently taking. Apparently, from what Dr. Graham shared with me, once the body gets used to the meds, they become less and less effective. The concern is if I continue on the path I am on, eventually the meds simply will not be able to help me tolerate the pain. So, we are going to try this path and try to find a better solution in minimizing the pain. Please pray the procedure tomorrow will be effective and I will be able to get maximum pain relief!

Many of you have been asking about the next PET scan. I will be going in at 11:00 a.m. Friday for the next PET. I will not be able to eat or drink anything as of midnight Thursday night and many of you know me – oohf…that is going to be a long day for me…ha…anyway, I can have water….so I will be drinking lots of water! Please pray the procedure goes flawlessly and that they can get a good picture. I have always been one that has said “the results will be what they will be” and I pray that they will be positive, that is the hope and the desire. My hope and prayer however, is that we can clearly discern if the current regiment of chemo is effective and if this path we currently are on is working or if we need to modify it. Too, if the cancer has grown that we will have a clear picture and direction.

Also, I pray, that God will just take me up and give me HOPE because the pain I have been experiencing in the past few weeks has clearly taken a toll on my “game face” as I like to call it. Where I used to have a very positive outlook, it is very clear the past few weeks have taken its toll on my outlook and it isn’t as positive as I would like to be. So, I pray that God will somehow give me that glimmer of hope. Even though things may not be perfect right now and we may or may not have a long road ahead of us, that God will show us there is a reason all this is happening. I pray God can reveal the plan to me and to my family so we/I could once again get back on a positive path. This is truly my biggest concern - the pain has taken such a toll on my mental stability…and I pray/wish God will help me take care of my thoughts.

I also pray God will continue to cover my family and friends - that they would remain healthy. Certainly this is a major concern as right now my immune system is so diminished and down that I simply cannot be exposed to anyone who has a cough, sniffle or sneeze for fear it would land me in the hospital.

Please pray the kids would continue to have a wonderful summer. It breaks my heart that here we are in the first week of summer and I am laid up in bed because of the affects of chemotherapy. All my kids want me to do is to swim in the pool with them and I simply can’t. I know this is a reality but it is just heart wrenching to me that I can’t be the person bringing them that joy. Please pray Jacob and Taylor would continue to be as compassionate and understanding as they have been - this is such a gift.

Please pray God will continue to give David strength, a positive outlook and endurance because this has been a long and weary road we have been on and I know it has taken a toll on him. I am so grateful, our marriage remains strong and in tact and I ask for you to pray that would be protected.

Also, I pray for peace. It breaks my heart when I can’t be “present” where I want to be – with family, kids, friends, silly mundane activities. My intention and heart is there but physically it is not always possible. Please pray my friends and I all have peace when I can’t be “there”.

I pray God will be ever present in all our lives, that He would continue to be with all of us, love, guide and protect us all.

Much love to each of you,

Lynn

Friends, This was our first attempt at dictation and transcription. It was good to have Lynn’s words to type. EACH OF YOU is important to our special Lynn. Please continue to encourage her in every way! Hugs to all of you, Holly

The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.”
Luke 18:27

Wednesday, May 24, 2006 11:09 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Camp Chemo was today. I know many of you were aware and have lifted Lynn to our heavenly father all day. We appreciate each and every thought and prayer!

Lynn received Gemzar and Carboplatin today. She was not as de-hydrated as before so she received a little extra fluids but it wasn’t as lengthy of a process. Lynn was home and resting by 1:30. She met with Dr. Stokoe prior to chemo and learned her tumors have not changed in diameter although a few are protruding from her skin a little further than before. This isn’t unusal the doctor said and yes, they will continue to monitor them. A new PET scan has been ordered one week from today. Please start praying that the PET will show these chemo drugs are working and doing their jobs to retard her cancer!

Do you remember the expected side affects of the Gemzar drug? Fatigue was the main symptom to be expected and she has certainly experienced fatigue. Additionally, there was a likelihood her hair would thin but would not fall out. Well, unfortunately, our Lynn is so unique. She falls is in the 1% (YES..THAT IS ONE PERCENT) of all patients who have received Gemzar who experience hair loss. While it is a very challenging and difficult side affect I think you would agree if you saw Lynn today that she is so incredibly beautiful – with or without hair. Her beauty from within radiates!

Lynn visited a Pain Management doctor today. The Pain Management doctor, Dr. Stephen Graham is a neighbor and friend. He was so awesome and found a way to work her in today after Camp Chemo. Dr. Graham is compassionate and attentive and explained there are many steps to be taken to help Lynn better manage the pain. Today she received injections and a change in meds. Dr. Graham will continue to monitor Lynn and hopefully can help her put this pain in a box and/or reduce the intensity! (Thank you Pam and Stephen – you are both so awesome!)

Have you ever heard the song by Alabama called “Angels Among Us”? It is a great song and I was reminded of it as Lynn was recounting her day today. She had so MANY angels among her…first and foremost…her sweet mother-in-love, Gail, was by her side to get the whole “chemo” thing started today. Jenny Gwynn was present to set up the smorgasbord of snacks and to offer support, humor and prayer. You rock Jenny Gwynn!!!! Two special angels remain unnamed. They are Dr. Graham’s patients. When Lynn and Dave arrived for the 4:00 appointment, they were met with a waiting room full of patients. Lynn quickly learned her wait may be lengthy. After a day at camp chemo and being in full pain, Lynn said she looked at Dave with tears and defeat and said “I can’t wait that long, we’ll have to go”. Then…this amazing angel stood up and just said “she can have my appointment”. Then another patient said the same thing. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Lynn was seen by Dr. Graham in only a few minutes and was incredibly grateful to the unnamed angels who had incredible compassion and unselfishness to give up their “spots”!! WOW!!!

There are surely details I have left untold tonight but it is late and my brain is tired. I will end with some specific prayer requests:

**Pray for Lynn’s complete healing on earth…fully believing!

**Pray for pain relief

**Pray for minimal symptoms from this round of chemo

**Pray the PET will show a significant reduction in cancer activity

**Pray for overall health within the Newman household (Lynn’s sweet Mom, Suzanne, was not feeling 100% today and did not attend chemo. I know she hated not being present but did the right thing to rest and restore her health. She and Lynn’s Dad, Wayne, do so much to keep the Newman household running smoothly these days!)

**Pray for peace

**Pray for blinders for the kids. Taylor and Jacob are amazing kids. They are sensitive and compassionate and are managing everything incredibly well!
Oh…Taylor and Jacob both received many awards and accolades at their school awards programs. I know David and Lynn are SO SO SO PROUD!!!

**Please pray God will protect Lynn’s thoughts, mind and sleep and….that dirty ‘ole Satan will keep his stinkin’ self AWAY from our Lynn!!

Today was a little odd - normally, I have spoken to Lynn numerous times and have a few opportunities to see her. Well, today was different. It was not possible for me to be at chemo and for one reason or another we didn’t connect via phone until the end of the day. My day was not complete until I heard her voice. It is hard to hear Lynn’s voice and know she is in such physical pain and yet she continues to amaze me as her sweet spirit and incredible friendship - a caring heart, compassion, thoughtfulness, etc. come through inspite of her pain.

She is STRONG…she is FIGHTING and she is STANDING FIRM on her faith and God’s promise of complete healing on earth!

The Crandell kids were praying as a group tonight and Ashlynn was praying for one of her friends from school. She finished her thoughts by asking God to please help this friend and then said “please help my Mommy’s best friend Lynn. God, please make Miss Lynn feel better and help Mommy and Miss Lynn to know it will be okay.” Are your eyes dry? Mine weren’t and as I type, I am tearing up again. Kids GET IT…9 year old Ashlynn GETS IT…Taylor and Jacob GET IT….they may get it at a different level but they continue to amaze us with their understanding, their extra good behavior when it really matters, their unsolicited helpfulness and their sweet tender hearts. Thank you God for these precious children…I know You have placed them here for many reasons…one of which is helping us “old” people get through tough days!

Please know Lynn is incredibly grateful for every thought, prayer, guestbook entry, prayer, meal, cut up fruit, prayer, special thoughts, cards, prayer, scarves, hats, random acts of kindness, prayer, prayer, prayer. I’m sure you are getting the theme here….If you have done anything...please know it does not go unnoticed and is very appreciated.

I heard through the grapevine Lynn is looking for a dictation machine…she wants to post HER words…I bet we could do it with a dictation machine! However possible our FIGHTING FRIEND will share with you soon!:-) STAY TUNED

Ending with a few powerful scriptures and sending “much love to each of you” from Lynn and my eternal grateful heart for loving and caring about our sweet friend Lynn…she is so special!!! Pray without ceasing friends!!

“Then the light of my blessing will shine on you like the rising sun. I will heal you quickly. I will march out ahead of you. And my glory will follow behind you and guard you. That is because I always do what is right.”
Isaiah 58:8

"What I'm about to tell you is true. Suppose one of you says to this mountain, 'Go and throw yourself into the sea.' You must not doubt in your heart. You must believe that what you say will happen. Then it will be done for you. So I tell you, when you pray for something, believe that you have already received it. Then it will be yours.”
Mark 11:23-24

“Because of your faith, you have been healed.”
Matthew 9:29

P.S. Don’t forget about the Race for the Cure on June 3rd. Team registration is over but you can still register to do the walk and can be part of Lynn’s - Looking Right Team. We’ll post details about where we are meeting as we get closer to the race. Walking in love and support of our sweet Lynn will be our honor!!!

Sunday, May 21, 2006 10:24 PM CDT

Dear All –

Just a quick request for continued prayer for pain relief. Lynn is feeling a little reprieve from the “chemo fog” but the pain is intense and unrelenting. This particular pain is in her neck and scapula. Please pray specifically that the pain can be managed quickly. Too, she will be seeking guidance from a pain management doctor/specialist this week. Please pray that the right doctor is identified and that an appointment may be obtained quickly.

Wednesday Lynn will receive the second half of her chemo – cycle 2. This week she will receive Gemzar and Carboplatin. As you can imagine, the ‘mental game’ gets a really tough knowing what is coming. Please continue praying for comfort and peace.

Lynn sends her love to each of you (I do too!)

Always believing and holding firm to God’s promises,

Holly

Praying specifically through a few powerful scriptures:

Isaiah 40:31 "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength”

Romans 8:26 "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans."

Thursday, May 18, 2006 10:42 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Good evening everyone! I spoke with our sweet Lynn earlier and I have a few messages to share with you….from her! :-)

First and foremost on Lynn’s mind and heart is a huge thank you to each of you……..specifically for intervening to our amazing God on her behalf for her complete healing. Additionally, she wants to extend her heartfelt appreciation for all the uplifting words, cards, and wonderful guestbook entries. These words have been so needed over the last few days…Lynn knows each word was written with care, concern, heart and love and she feels it. Please accept Lynn’s love, huge hugs and appreciation for all the encouragement. (Hint: Don’t stop the messages…keep them coming!)

Lynn’s primary request this evening is for intervention….that God will allow her to hear His voice and show her what she needs to do. The most recent physical challenges have been more than taxing and she is desperately trying to get positive mental thoughts around her fight. She recognizes that the mental game is a major portion in her healing on earth and with all the physical battles recently, she has felt the mental game slipping. She desires to RALLY and I know she will get there…she always does!

Now an update: Wednesday, Lynn received week one of cycle #2. This week she only received Gemzar, next week she will receive the Gemzar and Carboplatin. Prior to her chemo, Lynn completed a CT scan of her brain. There was concern the cancer may have spread to her brain due to the onset of some horrific migraine headaches. Thankfully, and joyfull, the preliminary verbal and written report of this scan showed the brain scan to be normal. This is a HUGE PRAISE!!!!

Another praise, on Wednesday, the sweet nurse Penny was able to start Lynn’s IV on the first stick. HOORAY! While helping Lynn, Penny provided gentle council on the necessity for a port. Going forward, a port will likely be needed. Lynn is asking for prayers on peace with this decision and direction as to the appropriate timing.

I’ll take a few moments for writer’s discretion here…..Lynn wanted me to post the above…I think she’ll be fine if I share with you the following:

**Lynn enjoyed a lunch today with many wonderful friends….the first day after chemo is usually good and it was awesome to see her spend some time in the fresh air surrounded with good buddies!
**Yesterday, Lynn’s kiddos were over at our house playing and had a ball. Jacob and Taylor are a complete mix of David and Lynn…all the best qualities wrapped up into two little people. They are precious beyond measure and it was fun to see them enjoying the day, laughing and playing and just having fun! Of course I had my camera out and had many a chuckle at Jacob. Isn’t he a handsome boy? Whenever I have my camera out he is the one who is asking/directing me to take various pictures - he cracks me up! Likewise, Taylor and Ashlynn made my heart smile too…they just enjoyed BEING….having one on one time…being buds…talking, giggling, swimming, coloring, and sharing girly secrets. They are precious!

I didn’t think it was anything but a “God-wink” that a beautiful fat male cardinal shared his presence with us a number of times…on the patio, the table, the fence and a tree….he KNEW we needed to see him. Lynn later told me she had been working on something and she kept hearing a noise on the window…when she looked out it was a cardinal tapping on her window. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Hope? YES indeed!

**Lynn made me laugh many times yesterday as I recalled a moment at chemo. When I went to check in on her she was peacefully reclined in her chair with a cloth draped over her eyes…unfortunately one of those nasty headaches was trying to rear its ugly head (they nipped this one though!) Anyway, I brought along some Starbursts in hopes of giving Lynn a few “bursts” of energy….well…one thing led to another and we did a blind folded taste test to see if Lynn could identify the flavors…just so you know…she’s good!! She thoroughly enjoyed her quiz and Mom Suzanne, Mother-in-love Gail and I chuckled out loud as we listened to her loud humming of each tasteful bite!

Okay…I better close or Lynn may never let me back on….here are a few specific prayer requests (from Lynn):

**Pray for healing on earth…complete healing!
**Pray the meds are working
**Pray for strength for everyone involved in this journey…Lynn, Dave, the kids, the parents, the parents-in-love, the support team
**Pray for peace, specifically for Jacob and Taylor…that they enjoy every day to the fullest and that Lynn and Dave will see their joy.
**Pray for direction on any and all medical decisions

THANK YOU again, for praying, helping, supporting, loving, caring, for everything you do…without…the road would be so much more difficult!

Well, I am off to continue praying for our sweet Lynn (and for you too!) Ending with an amazing scripture:

So God's promise came true, just as the prophet Isaiah had said, "He healed our diseases and made us well."
Matthew 8:17

Fully believing in God’s amazing promises,

Holly

(p.s. Don’t forget the Race for the Cure on June 3rd!!! Check the link below to register)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 6:50 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Just a quick update as my angels are getting ready for school. My next Chemo is scheduled for Wednesday at 10:30am (tomorrow). Prior to Chemo I have a CT of the brain scheduled to rule out any problems. This is due to the migrains I have been having. The doctors want to ensure the cancer hasn’t spread to the brain. We really don’t think it has, the doctors are just being cautious.

I will close with a prayer request. Yesterday my hair started falling out. I was not prepared for this as Dr.Stokoe indicated thinning not complete hair loss. I am not at peace with this yet though at some point I will get there. Pray that it is sooner rather than later.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:56 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Isn’t my Holly amazing. She tirelessly asks what she can do to help not even realizing that her prayers, support, and unconditional love provides more spiritual uplifting than she realizes. While her posts are amazing, I believe the greatest gift she gives us all is the gift of hope through her words, but more importantly through her photographs. She has such a gift for capturing each precious moment. Moments that most would miss…My Red Cardinal…”A New Song for a New Day” I can see that picture and caption on the cover of a book one day…my book…my story. Can you see it?….I can!

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face as I felt today more than any other day I felt how blessed I am. God has shown me time and time again how he has provided for my every need. My Mother and Father have tirelessly taken care of me, the kids, and “run the household”, all with such a giving heart. They have been amazing, I’d be lost with out them.

Taylor and Jacob have shown such compassion and love throughout the past two weeks (as always) as they see their Mommy in pain. They just get it. They know that they are loved, and they in return have shown and given endless joy to David and me.

My friends like Kathy daily provide for my needs. Every school day at 7:11am I receive a call…I know when it rings that it is Kathy, I just know it. She always calls to see how I am and to see if she can help take Taylor and Jacob to school. Often she places the same call in the afternoon to see if I need help taking them home. There again God is providing. He placed Dave and me here at Shadow Ridge Court because he knew that I needed Kathy and Holly. That they would hear his call and they would provide. I am so humbled by there friendship. They give endlessly and I often feel bad as I am not able to give in return. I hope both of you know how blessed I feel to call you friend.

My Sweet ‘JennyGwynn” who checks on me daily and has seen me at my worst, I am so sorry that she had to witness that pain. It isn’t easy to see a friend in pain and know that there is nothing you can do to take it away. But as she always does she inevitably finds a way to bring a smile to my face. Through a Sonic slushy, or a Starbucks Latte, or a “Jenny” story that only she can tell…she always finds a way to make me laugh. Love that about you friend.

My friends at Tom Hicks Elem School. The list of names is long, but you know who you are. Thank you for your prayers, support, care of Taylor and Jacob and your friendship. Someone once said that, “You know who is a true friend by the way they react through difficult times. Do they run away? Or draw near?” Well these ladies not only drew near but RAN to draw near. You support has been incredible, I am so blessed.

God has blessed me with an amazing support of women like my Suzanne and Patricia, my dear friend Jill that e-mails me words of encouragement daily….”FIGHT SISTER FIGHT!” I am fighting dear friend, and I am fighting to win. Friends that are far away like Heidi and Julie. Friends from long ago that somehow found their way back to me like Vicky, Lynde, and Melissa. God places people in your lives for a reason. Often it is just for a season of life and then they drift away…interesting that some find there way back isn’t it?

Friends like Pam that has been blessed with the gift of serving others. She listens to the Lord and answers his call to help others when they can’t do for themselves. She has provided for me and my family in so many ways, through carpool last year, and this year through providing fresh cut fruit weekly as she knows my hands can no longer do this for my family. Each of you is such a blessing.

Many of you have commented on the fact that my sister is here visiting from Hawaii. She and her friend Bo arrived yesterday at 3:30pm and we’ve all had smiles ever since they arrived. She did indeed bring the sunshine from Hawaii. As I sit and journal I am pool side listening to Jimmy Buffet, enjoying a Pepsi One, watching my children swim with Auntie Terri, Mom, Grammie and Paps! Oh what FUN! Earlier this morning Auntie Terri and Taylor went to have a manicure and Pedicure, and later Jacob and Grandpa plan to go fishing in the lake behind our house. Inevitably when my sister is present she adds such joy and excitement to our world. We are so thankful that she and Bo came to visit.

I wanted to thank each of you so much for your words of encouragement. Over the past two weeks it has been your words and those of my David, family, friends, and my God that have sustained me. I will not sugar coat it, the past two weeks have been difficult. I am thankful to say that I am having a good day. My pain level is 4-5. I have reduced my pain patch from 50mg to 25mg and have supplemented with oral meds as needed. This has allowed me to reduce the fatigue induced by the narcotics. Of course the trade off is that the pain in my arm has increased a little…but I think it is a good trade.

I will close with warm wishes to all of you that are Mothers. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Enjoy you babies! Kiss them, hug them, spoil them…or better yet let them spoil you for a day y’all deserve it!

Much LOVE to each of you!
Lynn

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:55 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:54 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:53 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:52 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:51 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:50 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:49 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:48 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:47 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:44 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:43 PM CDT

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:41 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Isn’t my Holly amazing.

Saturday, May 13, 2006 5:39 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Isn’t my Holly amazing.

Saturday, May 13, 2006 2:33 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Isn¡¦t my Holly amazing. She tirelessly asks what she can do to help not even realizing that her prayers, support, and unconditional love provides more spiritual uplifting than she realizes. While her posts are amazing, I believe the greatest gift she gives us all is the gift of hope through her words, but more importantly through her photographs. She has such a gift for capturing each precious moment. Moments that most would miss¡KMy Red Cardinal¡K¡¨A New Song for a New Day¡¨ I can see that picture and caption on the cover of a book one day¡Kmy book¡Kmy story. Can you see it?¡K.I can!

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face as I felt today more than any other day I felt how blessed I am. God has shown me time and time again how he has provided for my every need. My Mother and Father have tirelessly taken care of me, the kids, and ¡§run the household¡¨, all with such a giving heart. They have been amazing, I¡¦d be lost with out them.

Taylor and Jacob have shown such compassion and love throughout the past two weeks (as always) as they see their Mommy in pain. They just get it. They know that they are loved, and they in return have shown and given endless joy to David and me.

My friends like Kathy daily provide for my needs. Every school day at 7:11am I receive a call¡KI know when it rings that it is Kathy, I just know it. She always calls to see how I am and to see if she can help take Taylor and Jacob to school. Often she places the same call in the afternoon to see if I need help taking them home. There again God is providing. He placed Dave and me here at Shadow Ridge Court because he knew that I needed Kathy and Holly. That they would hear his call and they would provide. I am so humbled by there friendship. They give endlessly and I often feel bad as I am not able to give in return. I hope both of you know how blessed I feel to call you friend.

My Sweet ¡¥JennyGwynn¡¨ who checks on me daily and has seen me at my worst, I am so sorry that she had to witness that pain. It isn¡¦t easy to see a friend in pain and know that there is nothing you can do to take it away. But as she always does she inevitably finds a way to bring a smile to my face. Through a Sonic slushy, or a Starbucks Latte, or a ¡§Jenny¡¨ story that only she can tell¡Kshe always finds a way to make me laugh. Love that about you friend.

My friends at Tom Hicks Elem School. The list of names is long, but you know who you are. ƒº Thank you for your prayers, support, care of Taylor and Jacob and your friendship. Someone once said that, ¡§You know who is a true friend by the way they react through difficult times. Do they run away? Or draw near?¡¨ Well these ladies not only drew near but RAN to draw near. You support has been incredible, I am so blessed.

God has blessed me with an amazing support of women like my Suzanne and Patricia, my dear friend Jill that e-mails me words of encouragement daily¡K.¡¨FIGHT SISTER FIGHT!¡¨ I am fighting dear friend, and I am fighting to win. Friends that are far away like Heidi and Julie. Friends from long ago that somehow found their way back to me like Vicky, Lynde, and Melissa. God places people in your lives for a reason. Often it is just for a season of life and then they drift away¡Kinteresting that some find there way back isn¡¦t it?

Friends like Pam that has been blessed with the gift of serving others. She listens to the Lord and answers his call to help others when they can¡¦t do for themselves. She has provided for me and my family in so many ways, through carpool last year, and this year through providing fresh cut fruit weekly as she knows my hands can no longer do this for my family. Each of you is such a blessing.

Many of you have commented on the fact that my sister is here visiting from Hawaii. She and her friend Bo arrived yesterday at 3:30pm and we¡¦ve all had smiles ever since they arrived. She did indeed bring the sunshine from Hawaii. As I sit and journal I am pool side listening to Jimmy Buffet, enjoying a Pepsi One, watching my children swim with Auntie Terri, Mom, Grammie and Paps! Oh what FUN! Earlier this morning Auntie Terri and Taylor went to have a manicure and Pedicure, and later Jacob and Grandpa plan to go fishing in the lake behind our house. Inevitably when my sister is present she adds such joy and excitement to our world. We are so thankful that she and Bo came to visit.

I wanted to thank each of you so much for your words of encouragement. Over the past two weeks it has been your words and those of my David, family, friends, and my God that have sustained me. I will not sugar coat it, the past two weeks have been difficult. I am thankful to say that I am having a good day. My pain level is 4-5. I have reduced my pain patch from 50mg to 25mg and have supplemented with oral meds as needed. This has allowed me to reduce the fatigue induced by the narcotics. Of course the trade off is that the pain in my arm has increased a little¡Kbut I think it is a good trade.

I will close with warm wishes to all of you that are Mothers. HAPPY MOTHER¡¦S DAY! Enjoy you babies! Kiss them, hug them, spoil them¡Kor better yet let them spoil you for a day y¡¦all deserve it!

Much LOVE to each of you!
Lynn

Friday, May 12, 2006 9:59 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Lynn knows you have all been keeping up and checking in regularly…we can see it on the website counter. Thank you again for all the encouragement this week – it is awesome!

DOCTOR INFORMATION
Lynn met with Dr. Stokoe on Wednesday. Her blood counts show that her white blood cell counts are low. She has been advised to be extra careful, steering clear of as many germs as possible. If she begins to feel sick, spikes a fever or has any unusual symptoms come up she is to call immediately. She is at risk of a hospital stay if infections arise!

Next Wednesday Lynn is scheduled to receive the first round of Cycle #2 – Gemzar and Carboplatin. Prior to infusion, Lynn will have more blood work. If the blood work show white blood cells and platelets are still low, she will not receive the chemo. Dr. Stokoe prepared her to not be surprised if that occurs but of course we are praying that her levels will be perfect.

Dr. Stokoe took measurements of the tumors but no word yet on how they compare to previous measurements.

A PET scan will be ordered for the Monday of the first week of Cycle #3 (that is about 3 weeks away). Based on the results of the PET, she will either proceed with the Gemzar and Carboplatin if it appears the cancer is retarding or regressing. If there has been no change or if the cancer has grown, her medical team will re-evaluate the course of treatment.

PRAISE
Lynn’s body has re-hydrated!
Overall, the pain is being managed!
There are so many little praises…like times out on the culdesac with kids and neighbors, sunny days, singing birds, a support team who doesn’t stop with prayers, meals and tons of other stuff!

PAIN UPDATE
Lynn continues to manage the pain in her arm/shoulder and her tingling hand. Last night her pain level was about a 6 ½ on a scale of 1-10. The pain in her arm is less, the tingling is greater. She is experiencing severe migraine headaches which seems to exacerbate the overall pain. She is taking Imitrex at the onset of these headaches and that seems to have a positive affect in stopping the pain.

PHYSICAL THERAPY
Lynn returned to her physical therapist yesterday and confirmed the loss in range of motion in her right arm was significant. She expected this due to lack of use and growth of the tumors. Too, she is losing and has lost most of her strength in the right arm…this means a loss of function as well - writing, typing and doing “fine motor” skill actions. She and the therapist will be working diligently to improve some of these issues in the weeks ahead.

OTHER
Lynn’s sister is coming in from Hawaii today!! I know they will enjoy being together and having some great family time…the whole Berg family will be under one roof…Lynn, sister Terry, Mom Suzanne and Dad Wayne. What a great way to enjoy a Mothers’ Day weekend - together!

Dave and the kids are all doing well – keep praying for everyone!

SPECIFIC PRAYER REQUESTS:
**Safe travels for her sister
**Continued and complete pain control (all pain – arm, hand, neck, headaches, eyes)
**Amazing results from the chemo meds
**Peace
**Guidance on pain meds
**Guidance and peace on whether a port is necessary
**Protection from germs
**Overall health

Ya’ll are amazing….you know Lynn loves each of you more than she can express. So….from Lynn – “Much Love to Each of You”

Holly

Sunday, May 7, 2006 7:44 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sitting here with my dear friend Holly, she is typing my words for me as I share my thoughts. This evening we had the pleasure of sharing a wonderful meal with the Crandells and are enjoying watching our children have a delightful evening in the backyard….on this cool, sunny, Sunday evening. What a blessing it is to have family and friends wrap your arms around you in times of need.

I have noticed many of you commented or inquired about the article in today’s Dallas Morning News. For those of you who are actually trying to find this article, the kids and I are featured in a separate 8 page magazine section entitled “Race for the Cure”. We are attempting to get this article scanned for the website…stay tuned.

Today God delivered many answers to our continuous prayers for pain relief. Yesterday was a good day in that the pain was more manageable. However, today was a great day! My pain was relatively low, if I had to describe it, a 2 -3 on a scale of 1-10. It seems at this point the pain patch is managing the pain in fact, no additional oral medicine were needed until after 2 p.m. This is a HUGE praise and answer to prayer. I know many of you have been praying continuously for these symptoms to subside and indeed they seem to be lessening. Please know how much I genuinely appreciate your love, support and prayers as it seems the medicine couldn’t touch the pain and yet today somehow the pain was less. I believe this is a complete work of God in answer to our many prayers.

Thank you again for all your loving prayers and notes of encouragement, they mean more than you know.

Much love to all of you,

Lynn

Hi this is Holly,

I typed the following message earlier this morning but held off posting as Lynn made it known to me that we would have the opportunity to visit in person and type out her personal words. (Hip Hip Hooray!) So…here is what I planned to post prior to our visit and her special words above:

Just a quick update, I know so many of you are praying for Lynn and are anxious to know how she is. The pain she was experiencing at the end of the week has lessened. She was experiencing an extreme migraine which they believe was a direct result of the “big gun” pain meds. This is good news and bad news. The good news…they believe the headache was a direct result of the pain meds. The bad news…she stopped taking those and will have to manage the arm/hand pain with other drugs. These “other drugs” help but don’t completely take the pain away. Lynn continues to have a substantial amount of pain with her arm and hand but is managing.

This week Lynn will visit her oncologist and a pain management doctor. There is hope the pain management doctor can offer additional relief through injections or different meds.

Saturday was a good day! Lynn’s pain was beginning to diminish and she had a day of regaining her strength. The kids enjoyed some time with their super Paps (Grandpa!), Dave got out for some golf therapy and then….the evening…. I think I can safely report that Lynn and Dave had a wonderful date night…right in the comfort of their own home!! Dave graciously agreed to endure a chick flick and thus felt completely sympathetic with every ounce of pain Lynn has endured….chick flicks aren’t his thing but he cheerfully watched without complaint and enjoyed the precious ‘pain managed time’ with his beautiful bride.

There are so many people Lynn would like to thank for ALL they are doing..whether deeds or prayer. I wouldn’t begin to know everyone’s name or each special deed, so please know that everything is acknowledge, appreciated and received as a wonderful blessing. Each person following Lynn’s journey is a special gift from God!

Please continue lifting Lynn in prayer…it is working and it brings her incredible comfort to know the masses are talking to God.

Ending with a scripture I think is so appropriate because there are SO many of you – thousands – who are praying for Lynn, her family, the doctors, etc. and continuing to remember. And…..Lynn is remember you too!

“I thank my God for every time I remember you.” Phil 1:3

Warmly,

Holly

Please continue to pray for and fully believe in Lynn’s healing on earth:
~ Continued pain management
~ That the meds are doing their jobs to retard and reduce the cancer’s growth
~ Thank God for Lynn’s life and the work her journey is accomplishing
~ That God will lead Lynn to an expert pain management doctor and find a way for the pain to be managed on long term basis.
~ Continued peace, protection, understanding and stamina for the whole family
New Photos on the Photo Album!!!

Sunday, May 7, 2006 7:28 PM CDT

Thursday, May 4, 2006 2:12 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Yes is it ME! Hello… I have SO missed journaling the past two weeks. My fingers just don’t work well on my right hand and writing is impossible, and typing is a challenge, but I felt a calling to write today so here I am.

There have been so many answered prayers over the past 48 hours and my sweet Holly recapped them to some of our dear friends that fasted and held a night of prayer after my last round of Chemo Tuesday night. I will share Holly’s letter as it is beautiful…

Dear friends,

Thank you again for taking time to pray yesterday evening for Lynn. It was awesome to be with you lifting up Lynn to our heavenly father. I am not posting tonight but wanted you to have a glimpse at some of the little and big things God answered today:

**Pain Tolerance ---- AMEN!
**Quiet time, prayer
**Smooth day
**Lunch out of the house (at Holly’s House)
**Coherence and complete “engagement to daily activities”
**Quality time spent with kids and hubby
**Seeing her sweet kids giggle in the pool and thoroughly enjoy being outdoors with their friends
**Support from EVERYWHERE possible!!
**Tons of encouragement
**Laughter – HA HA HA – it makes one feel SO good!!!
**Yummy meals provided by friends
**Minimal side effects thus far
**Re-hydration
**Sleep/rest as needed
**Shower and tolerable moments to get makeup on and do hair (we all know HOW good this makes you feel)….even getting dressed in “real clothes”

The list goes on…go ahead shout out THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please keep praying without ceasing…part of today’s “UP” was due to some steroids she had infused yesterday….the side effects from yesterdays big drugs are expected to show their dirty selves within the next few days…

Thank you again….the love of Christ is shining through each of you….

Thanking God for each of you and praying for all good things –

Warmly and in Him,

Holly

The list is amazing when you see it written out isn’t it? I believe that when you are healthy one takes for granted the little things like taking a shower and getting yourself ready in the morning, or taking your sweet angels to school. When you are sick and are not able to do these things it takes a toll on you. It saddens me to no end that I am not able to do more for the kids and David. They have had to take over so many responsibilities that I typically handle. I know that is o.k., that is what families are all about, but I would encourage each of you to be thankful for each precious moment you have with you family…enjoy & appreciate your health and your families health…it is a gift…a blessing!

A friend of mine asked that I repost the journal that led to the “Looking RIGHT” philosophy that I and many of my friends and loved ones have adopted. It came from my husband. David reads my journal and the loving messages that you all send me, but in two years he has only posted once~ but OH what a letter! I remember it so vividly the moment I read it.

I read the word Wife,…..and my heart leapt….it was my David. His words are amazing…..they always are. Read it and you will see the heart of my husband. He is amazing! He is my gift from our Heavenly Father. He isn’t perfect, none of us are but through the nearly three years we have been fighting this cancer battle he has been my rock, my refuge, my heart and I am blessed to be his Wife.

(Originally posted December 20, 2004)

Wife,

Eight plus years of marriage and I think that I have been in the preverbal “dog house” 3 times and each time involved a lack of a greeting card highlighting a special day (but shouldn’t diamonds be enough? And twice “done in” on week long trips to Mexico where the 2nd Sunday was Mother’s Day… Hallmark is a cruel slave master). So, greeting cards are not my strong suit and yes, this is my first and likely last visit to the web site, but I thought as I head to NYC for 1 more business meeting that I would cover a few topics in this not so private forum.

It is strange to think that we have been married for these 8 years and during that time you have been battling cancer for 1.5 years. My crude math skills put that time at almost 20f our marriage. Reflecting on that fact seems amazing as in 8 years, we married, moved twice, had 2 wonderful kids and spent 1.5 years in the middle of this terrific ordeal.

Wow… so you asked me once through our 2nd trip in the cancer ordeal if I had any regrets. If I had known that you would have become sick, would I have wished for something else?

My answer simply is that yes I have many regrets in poorly thought out actions, choices made, selfish / borish behavior & arrogant attitude, but thankfully you arrived on the scene to save me from all of that. Not for a minute of time that we have been married would I wish to be married to anyone else.

You are an amazing woman and I am blessed every day that you are in my life. Your strength humbles me, your optimism is contagious, your tolerance of me is without parallel, your faith is powerful, your external beauty is only surpassed by the within and in my opinion the most important facet is the reflection I see of you and all of these wonderful qualities in our children.

So, here we are in the middle of a mess with too much life ahead of us for any negative thoughts. Truly are journey over the last 1.5 years has been frightening, painful and numbing, but it easy to focus on the negative. I have always told you that aspects of our lives are lined up and yes, if we look left, there is a very frightening cancer doing its best to beat us down, but if we look right and count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, children, each other, family, friends and so on)… well, the left isn’t so scary anymore.

Additionally, with all struggles in life there are so many lessons, perspectives to be gained. While given the choice of cancer or not, please, send me the not, but nothing would be worse than cancer without the tremendous knowledge I have gained.

I remember back as a ridiculous 16 year old seeing Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life”. Beside the fact that I was too young enjoy most of the humor, I recall how perplexed I was at the concept of a meaning to life. As I have aged, the thought has always stuck with me… “What is the point to all of this?” Well, I have listed a few examples of things that I have learned:

Meaning of Life: To come to grips with the 3 phases types of love…

I watch in amazement how people become absorbed with Eros. This selfish love that always puts the person first is addicting, but never fully satisfying. For me I think of it as Sweet Tarts, the 1st couple taste great and I can feel the sugar surging through my body, but the next couple are good, but less satisfying. And so it goes as I eat more and more Sweet Tarts, each subsequent one tastes less “sugary” until all I have too show for the experience is a zit on my face the next morning.

The 2nd type of love is Philos or I will love you if you love me. Why do we put conditions on things? For me and my warped thinking, this is beer. Tastes so good, feels so good, but there is always a price to be paid.

The most important type is Agape which is simply putting everything before yourself. This is the meaning of life, to get to this state. For me I think of it as running. I can not tell you how many times I head out the door for a run thinking to myself Why? This is going to be unpleasant, my muscles already hurt, I am missing the football game, yada, yada, yada … Invariably each run ends in the same manner, with me asking Why Not more often? I always feel the best, refreshed, whole, clean and a new. Amazing that it is always so hard to head out that door…

Yin/yang: I think that the Chinese are on to something. Why all of this pain and this ordeal? I think it is simply to experience the amazing highs, well, you need to know the depths as well. While there have been some really tough moments, I always think back to Taylor’s birth and the overwhelming joy of the 1st born (hopefully, Jacob understands). To be that joyous, I think it is the yin and yang of life.

Frivolity: Everyday this cancer exposes me to the trivial nature of 98f our lives. Simply show me a person with more blessings than they can handle and I will show you a person worrying about complete non sense. Really, I can not imagine the early settlers in Texas usually starving or fending off Indians worried about the things we worry about (is so and so mad at me? Will the kids get in “the” school? Do people think our carpet is worn out? Can I get the next promotion? Blah, blah, blah Personally, choose as you do, but the last 18 months have taught me what is worth worrying about and what is simply nonsense and thus I have been set free.

Manana may never come: Why do we think that having a bunch of money when we are old is going to be so great? Why the obsession with the 401K? I am and have been guilty of worrying way too much about tomorrow. Today is the day to be celebrated and the time is now to have some fun.

And I could go on, but the point is that while life has served us a bowl of lemons… some lemonade has been made and for that I am truly thankful.

So, my dearest wife, through faith in Christ, hope and strength, we shall make it through. This is a temporal world we in dwell and but a blip in time that we shall be together.

You are my “studette”, my warrior and my wife for many, many years to come.

Merry Christmas!

All my love – Look Right,

The Husband

WOW, I haven’t read those words for quite some time and maybe God was asking my friend Nancy to have me repost it more for my benefit than anyone else’s….I wear my Looking RIGHT bracelet everyday and yet today after re-reading that letter I am reminded that indeed if we continue to focus on all the blessings that God has given us, then the left (whatever your left is) isn’t so scary.

So here is to Looking RIGHT!

That said I will close with this, my friend Patricia has taken the lead in forming a Lynn Newman~Looking RIGHT team that will be walking in the North Dallas Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure June 3rd at the Shops on Legacy.

I have placed a link at the bottom of the page for anyone that is interested in walking with us. I would LOVE all of you to be there but if you can’t attend please take the time to help us raise money for this foundation. You can donate online just click on the link below.

As you know the Komen Foundation plays a major role in donating to research studies like the one I am participating in an effort to find a cure for Breast Cancer. I hope that together we can help eradicate this disease!

Much Love to each of you.
Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 3:48 AM CDT

HELLO FRIENDS,

JUST A QUICK NOTE TO SAY I AM HOME FROM A 7 HOUR MARATHON CHEM SESSION. IT WAS EXHUASTING FOR EVERYONE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR AMAZING FRIENDSHIP AND PRAYERS.

I LOVE EACH OF YOU VERY MUCH,

LYNN

These words came via an email not long after Lynn returned from receiving chemo today. Needless to say, I was a little shocked to see an email from her so quickly. She was not exaggerating, the day was exhausting, it started out with quite a bit of pain and some other yucky side effects. Once she was “in the chair”, she managed to sleep which was a beautiful thing…the chemo took a long time to infuse because the doctors are taking care to hydrate her kidneys and body to prepare it for the Gemzar and Carboplatnin.

Today, many people fasted and prayed for Lynn…maybe that was what her sound sleep during chemo was about - she just felt comforted into a restful doze while others too care of needs and the meds seeped in to attack that nasty cancer. I have never fasted before today and it felt good to do it…our dear friend Kathy was fasting too and at one point I asked Kathy if she was hungry and she said “yes, but every time I feel a hunger pain I think of Lynn and the pain goes away…this is nothing compared to what she is currently managing”. It was nice having the constant reminder to stop and pray for what some of us take for granted – living life without pain.

Tonight, nine absolutely amazing and wonderful women gathered to pray for Lynn. Actually many MORE than nine prayed – consistenly at one time – but there were nine of us gathered in one spot. Thank you Liz and Angie for organizing, opening your home and for leading us in the wonderful hour of prayer. I KNOW God was listening!!

One item (and we covered many) on our prayer list was obviously, pain relief and Lynn’s ability to get back to journaling. The doctors changed her pain meds again today and we are hopeful/prayerful/ and fully believing these changes will give continued relief from pain.

Guess what the question of the day is? “How, or what can I do for Lynn and/or her family?” The magical answer? PRAY!!! No matter what format you use to communicate with God, we boldly ask that you bend a knee, find a quiet spot, talk consistently, scripturally, faithfully, fully believing, and without ceasing to our almighty God about the following items (see, all you have to do is pray – the list of what to pray for is provided):

** Pain relief – please pray that it will come quickly, be consistenly controlled and completely eliminated.
**Pray that the Gemzar and Carboplatnin do their stuff! They need to kill every cancer cell possible and retard the cancer quickly.
**Pray the side effects from this round will be MINIMAL!
**Pray for peace, wisdom, comfort, and strength…for Lynn, each family member, and her doctors and support team.
**Pray for good health of all who come in contact with Lynn – she cannot afford any extra germies!
**Pray for Dave and the kids, that they will have peace, comfort , blinders where needed, compassion, understanding, strength, etc.
**Pray positive thoughts will dominate Lynn’s quiet moments.
**Pray for her sweet parents – Suzanne, Wayne, Gail and Dean, you all know them through the website, some of you have the privilege of knowing them in person. They are amazing people who are constantly standing strong beside the Newman family. I cannot articulate the love they have for their sweet Lynn, and the compassion they have for everyone who cares for Lynn so please pray for their strength, stamina, and happy hearts. They are an incredible source of strength to all of us, yet they need rest and rejuvenation too!
**Pray for Lynn’s medical team – I have mentioned before how amazing they are…they are! Please pray specifically that God will give these men and women the wisdom, discernment, care, compassion and stamina to see Lynn to her cure on earth!
**Praise God for all He has done and all He is doing in Lynn’s journey with cancer. The fight is staring us in the face and with God’s strength she will continue fighting this battle and WIN!
**Praise God for the people who continue to surround Lynn, helping each “to do”, providing meals, care for the kids, distractions when necessary, encouragement, breaks, prayer and comfort. Ya’ll are amazing.

Please remember as you pray that God is capable of taking care of each and every petition we place at His feet.

You know what? I think I am in BIG trouble, let me explain: I had the pleasure of speaking with Lynn this evening. Anyway, I spoke with her just before prayer time and she was COMFORTABLE (Praise God)…also read…”well medicated”…the kids were joyfully noisy in her bedroom, spending time with Mom….enough to make your heart FULL. Anyway, Lynn asked that I not spend much time on the post, just a few four or five lines to let you know how the day went…(OOPS) I think I exceeded my limit – oh well, I suppose forgiveness can be asked, yes?

I pray ya’ll know how much I dearly love our sweet Lynn and if you are reading this site, your life too has been positively impacted by knowing her or by knowing about her journey with and through cancer. My life has been forever changed by her friendship and I value each of you, for caring about her and her family. YOU are more special than words….just like Lynn!

So, tonight I’ll end with scripture and a huge thank you from Lynn…her heart is grateful for you and she is sending you her love,

God Bless,

Holly

“I remember it very well. My spirit is very sad deep down inside me. But her eis something else I remember. And it gives me hope. The Lord loves us very much. So we haven’t been completely destroyed. His loving concern never fails. His great love is new every morning. Lord how faithful you are! I say to myself, “The Lord is everything I will ever need. So I will put my hope in him.” Lamentations 3:20-24

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint". Isaiah 40:28-31

Tuesday, May 2, 2006 11:32 PM CDT

HELLO FRIENDS,

JUST A QUICK NOTE TO SAY I AM HOME FROM A 7 HOUR MARATHON CHEMO SESSION. IT WAS EXHAUSTING FOR EVERYONE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR AMAZING FRIENDSHIP AND PRAYERS.

I LOVE EACH OF YOU VERY MUCH,
LYNN

These words came via an email not long after Lynn returned from receiving chemo all day long today. Needless to say¡KI was a little shocked to see an email from her so quickly. She wasn¡¦t exaggerating¡K.the day was exhausting¡K.it started out with quite a bit of pain and some other yucky side effects. Once she was ¡§in the chair¡¨, she managed to sleep which was a beautiful thing¡K¡Kthe chemo took a long time because the doctors are taking care to hydrate her kidneys and body to prepare it for the Gemzar and Carboplatnin.

I miss Lynn journaling and miss her insight on things¡Kshe has such spunk and perspective. I talk to her daily but miss SEEING her and spending quality time with her!!

Today, many people fasted and prayed for Lynn all day long¡Kmaybe that was what the sleep was about..she just felt comforted into a restful sleep while others took care of needs and the meds seeped in to attack that nasty cancer. I have never fasted before and it felt good to do it today¡Kour dear friend Kathy was fasting too and at one point I asked Kathy if she was hungry and she said ¡§yes, but every time I feel a hunger pain I think of Lynn and the pain goes away..this is nothing compared to what she is currently having to manage.¡¨ WOW!! It felt good to have a constant reminder to stop and pray for what some of us take for granted each day¡K.living life without pain.

Tonight, nine absolutely amazing and wonderful women gathered to pray for Lynn. Actually MORE than nine prayed¡Kconsistently at one time..but nine of us were gathered in one spot. Thank you Liz and Angie, for organizing, opening your home and for leading us in the wonderful hour of prayer. I KNOW God was listening!! ƒº

ONE item (and we covered many) on our prayer list was, obviously, pain relief and Lynn¡¦s ability to get back to journaling. The doctors changed her pain meds again today and we are hopeful/prayerful/ and fully believing these changes will give continued relief from pain.

Guess what the question of the day is? ¡§How or what can I do for Lynn and/or her family?¡¨ Okay¡Khere is the magical answer¡K..you can PRAY!!! No matter what your format for communicating with God, we boldly ask that you bend a knee, find a quiet spot, talk consistently, scripturally, faithfully, fully believing and without ceasing to our almighty God about the following items (see¡Kall you have to do is pray¡Kthe list of what to pray for is provided)

** Pain relief ¡V please pray that it will be quick, consistently controllable and completely eliminated
**Pray that the Gemzar and Carboplatnin do their stuff!!! They need to kill every cancer cell they come in contact with and retard the cancer quickly!!!!
** Pray the side effects from this round will be MINIMAL!!!!!!!!!!
**Pray for peace, wisdom, comfort, and strength¡Kfor Lynn, each family member, and her doctors and support team.
**Pray for good health of all who come in contact with Lynn¡Kshe cannot afford any extra germies!
**Pray for the Dave and the kids¡Kthat they will have peace, comfort, blinders where needed, compassion, understanding, strength, etc.
**Pray that positive thoughts will dominate Lynn¡¦s quiet moments.
**Pray for her sweet parents¡K.Suzanne, Wayne, Gail and Dean¡K.you all know them for this website¡Ksome of you are privileged to know them in person¡K..they are amazing people who are constantly by the Newman family. I cannot articulate the love they have for their sweet Lynn¡K.and the compassion they have for everyone who cares for Lynn¡K.so please pray for their strength, stamina and happy hearts¡K.they are an incredible strength to all of us¡K.yet they need rest and rejuvenation too!!
**Pray for Lynn¡¦s medical team ¡V I have mentioned before how amazing they are¡K..they are!!! Please pray specifically that God will give these men and women the wisdom, discernment, care, compassion and stamina to see Lynn to her CURE!!!!
**Praise God for all He has done and all He is doing in Lynn¡¦s journey with cancer. The fight is staring us in the face and with God¡¦s strength we will continue to fight this battle¡K and WIN!
**Praise God for the people that continue to surround Lynn¡Khelping each ¡§to do¡¨, providing meals, care for kids, distractions when necessary, encouragement, breaks, prayer and comfort.

Please remember as you pray that God is capable of taking care of every single petition we place at His feet.

You know what? I think I am in BIG trouble (cover me will ya?)¡Klet me explain:

I had the pleasure of speaking to Lynn this evening¡KI know her voice so well, I can ¡§hear¡¨ stuff¡K..do you know what I mean? Anyway, I talked to her tonight before our prayer time and she was COMFORTABLE (Praise God)¡Kread¡K¡¨well medicated¡¨¡K..and the kids were joyfully noisy in her bedroom¡K.spending time with Mom¡Kmy heart was full!!!! Anyway¡KLynn asked that I not spend much time on the post¡Kjust a few four or five lines (HA HA HA) to let everyone know how the day went. I think I exceeded my limit¡K.oh well¡K.forgiveness isn¡¦t hard to ask for is it???

I pray ya¡¦ll know how much I dearly love my sweet friend Lynn¡Kif you are reading this site¡Kyour life has probably also been impacted. My life has been forever changed by her friendship and I value each of you¡Kfor caring about her, for her family, for her support team.. YOU are more special than words¡K..just like Lynn!!

So¡Ktonight I¡¦ll end with a few scriptures and tell you all that I know Lynn (and I) are thankful for EACH of you!!!

God Bless,

Holly

"I remember it very well. My spirit is very sad deep down inside me. But here is something else I remember. And it gives me hope. The Lord loves us very much. So we haven't been completely destroyed. His loving concern never fails. His great love is new every morning. Lord, how faithful you are! I say to myself, "The Lord is everything I will ever need. So I will put my hope in him."
Lamentations 3:20-24

Monday, May 1, 2006 8:46 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Lynn is REALLY missing the opportunity to speak to you through journaling. While I have been filling in…I know SHE desires to talk with each of you from her heart and in her own words. I always offer to scribe for Lynn and today she wanted to share these words with you:

The past three days have been incredibly painful and frustrating. I had SO desired to see results from the chemo which would enable me to begin journaling again – that is where my heart is…unfortunately, that is not the case. If anything the symptoms have worsened. I met with Dr. Hampe today and the tumor which is visible from the exterior of the skin has nearly doubled in size since Dr. Hampe performed the biopsy (approximately 2 1/2 weeks ago).

My heart desires to journal and I gleem a great deal of therapy from being able to speak via this website, it troubles me that I am physically unable to type. With that said, please pray specifically for the following:

**That pain relief would be swift
**That tomorrow’s chemo would be flawless (the same nurse or one with expert pricking skills, incredible compassion and sensitivity is available and assigned to help me)
**That the tumor will respond quickly to the meds
**That the kids remain shielded and protected - that they can be carefree as they should be
**That everyone around me remain supportive, understanding, empathetic, healthy and compassionate
**That the side effects from all the drugs will be minimal and/or easily controlled

Much love to each of you,

Lynn

P.S. There are some amazing events occurring in the near future…opportunities honoring Lynn while fundraising for the Susan G. Komen Foundation…fighting for the cure. Many people will be walking or running in Lynn’s honor. We will post more information about these events soon. Stay tuned…………Holly

Thursday, April 27, 2006 9:25 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

This will be a quick update tonight (I promise)….Lynn received her PET scan results last night and wanted me to just get the word out since she knew some of her loyal followers were waiting. Here it is:

First the huge praise: The scan showed no cancer in the liver, lung or bone!! HOORAY!!!!!

The part she knew but received clarification on was the mild to moderate increase in cell activity in the axilla, shoulder, and clavicle moving up but not at the neck. Dr. Hampe told her the drugs she is taking will hopefully retard and prayerfully will regress this current cancer growth. If that can be accomplished then she will be ready to receive the vaccine drug which is being created specifically for her and the molecular makeup of her cancer. The vaccine is potentially her cure.

Lynn will receive another round of the Gemzar next Tuesday and I believe it will be combined with the Carboplatnin.

Yesterday was an amazing day – my sweet friend was her old self again feeling great and had the pain completely under control…oh…that was great!!! Unfortunately, the pain kicked back in today and was difficult to manage. She worked all day trying to get the timing and combination of the drugs to work just to make the pain tolerable. I pray she will have it completely under control before she closes her eyes tonight.

Please pray without ceasing and fully BELIEVING:
**That the Gemzar and Carboplatinin do their jobs.
**That the vaccine will move quickly (yet accurately) through development and FDA approval.
**That Lynn’s pain is tolerable, even eliminated
**That Lynn will be completely cured of this cancer
**Praise God for Lynn and all the blessings she brings so many people

Before I close I want to thank EVERYONE for EVERYTHING! WOW…this network and support is absolutely incredible…..every prayer, thought, good deed, guestbook entry, etc. etc. has been felt and is an incredible blessing. Lynn has felt so lifted up and encouraged by family, friends, and cyper-followers. You are amazing…..please keep it coming!

Sending her love and mine,

Holly

“Pay attention, my child, to what I say. Listen carefully. Don't lose sight of my words. Let them penetrate deep within your heart, For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.”
Proverbs 4:20-22

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 11:02 PM CDT

Dear friends,

Webster defines ENCOURAGE – to inspire with courage, spirit or hope.

God’s Word says: Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up…
1 Thes 5:11

Guess what happened today? Lynn was encouraged…she was lifted up… she had a fighting spirit, an incredible amount of courage and a few special happenings that made the day tolerable. Tonight she is coping with pain better than before, she is coherent (that means “less looped”) and is doing beautifully. Go ahead and shout out loud -WOO HOO!!

Have we beat the cancer? No, not yet…but we have faith, a new hope and a renewed spirit. Today was amazing and we are thankful for every blessing God sent today.

Let me give you a brief (ha) recap:

Yesterday, Lynn asked me to come to chemo with her but subtley said “I am not in the party mood so no antics or funny stuff, please come.” Long time followers will remember during past chemo rounds (she has had two others), a posse of friends and family have joined her during the chemo treatments and we joyfully made the best of it…sporting silly socks, earrings, feasts of delish foods, told silly stories, etc. etc. I respected Lynn’s request to “let today be”….but God had other plans…..

**First, Lynn woke to a TON of wonderful emails and guestbook entries from people who had and were praying for her through the night and promised to pray for her specifically around the noon hour when she was supposed to get the chemo. (Here’s a side note…she was supposed to begin at noon but by 12:45 she wasn’t getting her meds…I went to check and saw her chart with the meds all ready for her…do you know her chart is bigger than the Dallas/Fort Worth Yellow Pages??? YUCK!).

**Next, Lynn requested a very special and caring nurse, Penny, to start her IV. Lynn’s veins are not so good, therefore, having a nurse with great pricking skills is important. Her requested nurse no longer works in that are of the Oncology Department but guess what? Penny was called from another job just so she could “stick” Lynn. (Lynn has clout!) Penny and Lynn did great and the IV went in without complications. YEAH!! It is a little thing but it was a BIG thing…..Penny started Lynn on some “joy juice” then the Gemzar. Lynn’s sweet Mother-in-Love, Gail, and I both requested some “joy juice” too but we were denied! OH WELL!

**Nutrition was of no concern….dear friend, Jenny Gwynn and Lynn’s mother Suzanne, brought a FEW (NOT) munchies…okay, truthfully, they pulled a Martha Stewart on us..and brought an entire picnic…complete with those HUGE red ants!! Really it was only one ant but we had to laugh at that….Lynn was hungry and was served some healthy things and some not so healthy but necessary “other things!”. What is that song “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down”? Thank you Jenny Gwynn and Suzanne

**We were trying to get settled after serving Lynn her picnic and just sit back and “be”, “talk”, “be subtle”, “look at magazines” when in walked Dr. Greenberg. Do you remember Dr. Greenberg from previous posts? Well, Lynn has always spoken so highly of him and now I know why. It is hard to write about someone and communicate the full essence of their personality but Dr. Greenberg is FANTASTIC!. He isn’t just another doctor, he is “involved” in Lynn’s case and has a vested interested in seeing her successfully beat this cancer and exudes such personal concern for HER. Dr. G immediately greeted Lynn, sat down and began to boost Lynn with every word he spoke. THANK YOU DR. GREENBERG!!! We needed and SO appreciated your encouragement today.

Ready for more from God?

**Darren Dobbs and his co-worker, Jocelyn, who are Lilly drug representatives for the Gemzar drug were in the building and came by to say hello. They too, offered encouragement. Mind you it was no “coincidence” they there….Darren knew Lynn would be receiving the chemo today because he and his wife keep up with Lynn’s website. Darren shared Gemzar success stories and felt the drug has the potential for acting very quickly against this cancer. WOO HOO Darren has a little history with Lynn too…do you remember a story where Lynn met a man while waiting for a doctor’s appointment and this man was wearing one of her bracelets? Well, that was Darren! Darren’s wife had found Lynn’site and ordered bracelets….coincidence…NOT…that is called a “God Wink”! Darren’s coworker also had a neat story about her sister’s connection to Lynn’s site as well…from California – amazing.

**Dr. Eisenberg, our OBGYN, also learned Lynn was at the Texas Oncology Center today..he learned from his wife who learned from a friend (ya da da da da) but guess what he did? He jogged a few parking lots over on a lunch break and came in to say hello. Thank you Dr. E….we love you immensely and appreciate your caring heart!!!

Are you beginning to see a pattern here? Lynn was covered in prayer and God was taking care of details…putting so many people in her path today – to encourage her, to give her hope, to lift her spirit, to fill her tummy, to pray for her, to give her laughs and to pass the time.

Lynn was like a celebrity today....at one point Jenny was offering ALL the cancer patients some of her yummy chocolate chip cookies and one guy finally pulled her aside and asked “it appears there is quite a party going on over there…is this her first time through chemo?” HA Jenny thought for a moment and I am not sure of her exact words but I think she responded something like “no….unfortunately we just really know how to make this horrible process tolerable!” GO JENNY! She was such a ray of sunshine for everyone!

Lynn, I am sorry you didn’t have your “subtle” day of receiving chemo today (you do agree that this was much more fun though – right?). It truly stinks you have to do this all again but we will all continue supporting you through prayer and support in every gross step and ounce of pain to help you conquer this horrible disease. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

All of these details to tell you it was a better day today…we do have faith that God will take care of healing Lynn…possibly through this new drug Gemzar.

What happens next? Well, as I understand it (and I will correct it later if I am wrong), Gemzar will be administered again next week, the third week she will have off. That is called a “cycle”. She doesn’t know how many “cycles” there will be…at least two we believe…maybe more. There is a possibility she will have another PET in four weeks to see if the drug is doing its job. There are side affects for this drug but they aren’t horrible..it seems a little less toxic than the previous chemos she’s received. For now we know fatigue will set in and possibly some nausea. Right now…Gemzar alone may not cause hair loss (hooray)…if it is combined with the Carbo Platinun then hair loss may occur..stay tuned. Too, the final on Friday’s PET scan should be available soon.

I hope each of your hearts are lightened knowing Lynn had an encouraging and somewhat less painful day. My heart was definitely in a better spot. As far as the pain, Dr. Stokoe has adjusted some more meds, the patch seems to be helping a little, and now the Gemzar is in her system so….she is sure to see some relief. The pain persists but not at the horrific level it had been.

Many of you have asked “what can we do?” The bottom line is prayer. Please continue to bend your knees and look UP. Pray without ceasing and fully BELIEVING Lynn will be healed. There are so many people already helping…..even to watch my sweet baby girl so I could be with Lynn today ….thank you Patricia for making it happen!!! Right now everything is under control. Lynn is looking forward to feeling better and just keeping life “normal” in her household. She promises to let us all know if there is more help needed.

Thank you…each and every person who has, is and continues blessing Lynn with encouragement, kind deeds, thoughts, and prayers. We are looking UP and thanking God for each very special blessing delivered today.

Alright already.....this was to be a short post and here I am three pages later….Lynn told me today there were 253 pages of “JOURNAL” (that doesn’t include the guestbook) and over 147,000 words on her site. CAN YOU BELIEVE? I can believe it and after I had time to digest her information I thought….how does she know that? And how great it was she was coherent enough to REMEMBER those numbers to share with me today!!! HA I love the “non-loopy” Lynn!!!

SHE BELIEVES, SHE PRAYS, SHE HOPES, SHE IS ENCOURAGED and SHE IS GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!

Sending her love and thankful prayers,

Holly

(P.S. Keep reading…I think Lynn will be back SOON - forgive my typos or errors…it is late!)

Monday, April 24, 2006 12:50 AM CDT

*****UPDATE****

We need prayer warriors!!

Pease pray without ceasing….

Lynn’s pain remains at an all time high and her protocol for this week has changed as of this morning. The doctor’s do not believe the E-7080 will be as fast acting as needed therefore, Lynn will not be receiving this drug tomorrow. Instead, the chemo drug she mentioned in an earlier post Carbo Platinin w/ Gemzar will be administered. Please pray that the new pain medicine she received today will offer substantial relief (the drug is a patch and it can take up to 12 hours to work), AND that the drugs she receives tomorrow will immediately stop the cancer’s growth.

The following was written earlier:

Hello friends,

It is Holly. Lynn asked me to post for her today. I SO wish ‘her sweet self’ were pain free enough to let her fingers fly on the keyboard and share her thoughts and personal update with you. Unfortunately, her pain level is too intense.

Thank you for checking in on our sweet Lynn. It goes without saying that Lynn is an amazing person, God has called her to be a witness for Him even when she is living through such yuck. Lately, it seems the pain will not subside. It is too much and has gone on for too long. No matter what combination of meds she takes, the pain persists and continues to intensify. When she has found success with a med or can take a quantity to mask the pain, she ends up “loopy”. Mind you, we have had a few chuckles over the “loopy” thing – her sense of humor is in tact and we laughed yesterday thinking about how she could play the “blonde, loopy” thing to her advantage!! HA

Our sweet neighbor Kathy offered to watch all the kids (there are 9 of them!) for a bit so I stole some face time with Lynn yesterday. It felt good to just visit and get angry with her about the stupid pain. It seems unreasonable that the meds thus far have not significantly diminished or eliminated the horrible hurt. As I voiced this to her she reminded me that finding the right med mix is a tedious process. There are some drugs she is prohibited from taking due to the E-7080 study which begins on Tuesday. Additionally, there are various types of pain (all on her right side) - certain meds work on “numbness/tingling” while others work on the nerve issue.

Lynn had a conversation with Dr. Hampe and they are again changing the med mix so hopefully she will have better relief without feeling completely “looped”. Dr. Hampe ALWAYS provides a level of calming support and he came through again today. He is amazing and reminded Lynn she is doing all the right things, everyone is fighting for her, the right treatment and a complete cure. Doctor’s should, but are not required to be compassionate…Dr. Hampe is calming, compassionate, concerned, available, and wise. What a blessing he is!

Lynn is in an all out war with this cancer right now. The pain/meds force her to stop and be still. In those times of being still it is so easy for the evil one to invade her precious thoughts. Her faith and trust in God are unwavering and as we sang in church yesterday we were reminded “God is bigger than the air we breathe.” Yes, He is and He has the power to completely heal our Lynn. Please keep the following requests handy this week, pray without ceasing and with firm faithful believing that:

**Lynn’s pain is controllable….better yet, eliminated!
**The E-7080 drug will immediately retard the cancer’s growth thus offering additional pain relief.
**That the most recent PET scan will show no new areas of cancer growth.
**That the current regiment will completely heal Lynn.
**That this week’s schedule will go according to plan, that the waiting for doctor’s, tests/scans, visits, etc. will be short and that all “details” for activities of daily living will be easily managed.
**That sweet thoughts will occupy her mind, worry and the evil one and will stay far far away.
**Peace and unending love for Dave, Jacob, Taylor, Mom, Dad, Mother-in-love and Father-in-love.
**Give thanks to God for our sweet Lynn and for all the miracles He shows us each day!

A note about the kids…they are doing well. Jacob and Taylor played with my crew and the Shearer crew (Kathy’s kiddos) for most of the afternoon yesterday. Everyone enjoyed the beautiful day, swimming, laughing, swapping houses, having “jumping contests” in the pool, being silly and scarfing a TON of fruit and a few salty snacks. They were cute beyond measure, innocent and laughing…just as kids should be. We are very mindful that Jacob and Taylor are incredibly smart and “in tune” when Mommy doesn’t feel well. Lynn often requests that those who follow her journey be careful of what we discuss in the presence of our children. Children are wise beyond their years and it is an innocent conversation that can be overheard and quickly relayed to Jacob and/or Taylor at school. Lynn and Dave do an amazing job being honest with Jacob and Taylor while shielding them from the nitty gritty “yuck”. Please remember Lynn’s request and send extra prayers for Jacob and Taylor to be as innocent and carefree as kids should be.

I came across a devotional today and thought it would be an appropriate close as it offers such HOPE! It is by Joyce Meyer and is titled “Defeating Unbelief” We will never stop BELIEVING and will pray without ceasing for our dear friend. Here it is:

“Turn all your worries over to him. He cares about you. Control yourselves. Be on your guard. Your enemy the devil is like a roaring lion. He prowls around looking for someone to chew up and swallow. Stand up to him. Stand firm in what you believe. All over the world you know that your brothers and sisters are going through the same kind of suffering. God always gives you all the grace you need. So you will only have to suffer for a little while. Then God himself will build you up again. He will make you strong and steady. And he has chosen you to share in his eternal glory because you belong to Christ.” 1 Peter 5:6-10.

We certainly have a choice when tough times come our way…we can succumb to them or we can heed the words of this scripture and give all our concerns and troubles to God. THAT is what we are doing and are asking all readers to boldly do…approach God’s throne…storm heaven, and pray without ceasing that Lynn will be healed!

Lynn appreciates and enjoys the encouraging posts in the guestbook. Your words give her strength, encourage her and warm her heart. Lynn is blessed by EVERY reader and prayer warrior of her website. She sends her love and blessings to each of you (I send mine too!)

Warmly and in His grip,

Holly

(P.S. Don’t forget to check out the new photos from Easter….are they a good looking family or WHAT? Lynn may not ask me to post for a long time….I took a few liberties with the photo thing and background WOOPS!)

Friday, April 21, 2006 6:42 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

My arm and back are hurting so I will be brief, but I wanted to update all of you on what has happened this week, and what is coming next week.

On Wednesday I signed consent forms to participate in the E-7080 Japanese study. I also had an EKG, blood screening & physical. Today I have a 2:45pm PET Scan at Baylor, Monday I have a 3:30pm CT Scan, and Tuesday we begin treatment. Tuesday will be a long day as I have to stay at the hospital from 8am-5pm to receive meds and then every hour on the hour they will draw blood to monitor my condition etc. I will return Wednesday to ck vitals and draw blood and then they will sent me home with the oral meds for the balance of the week.

The following week I will return Tuesday for blood work and vitals receive meds for the rest of the wk, Wed I have to go back for blood work etc.

Week 3 I return Tues for blood work only no meds week #3. That will complete one round.

We will be doing a minimum of 4 rounds and then repeat PET to see if meds are working, or it we have disease progression. If it is stable, or God willing we see disease regression we’ll continue with E-7080, if not then we’ll switch to Chemo.

On Monday I will be returning to Dr. Hampe’s office before my CT for the add’l biopsy that Dr. O’Shaughnessey requested to test for survival signals. We hope this info might help us discern which chemo would be best if that becomes necessary.

Please pray that all goes well with the above. I am hopeful that the cancer will respond to E-7080…this med has minimal to no toxicity with fatigue being the only real side affect to patients thus far.

I will close with some amazing praises as the Lord has provided abundantly this week with dozens of angels on earth.

I want to thank Holly for her endless support, love, encouragement, delicious cob salad (YUMMY!!) and last minute Target runs for all the little things we needed &/or forgot, and for picking up my sweet angels from school everyday this week.

Her dear brother David McKay for the AMAZING, wonderful meals he prepared for our family Tues and Wed (OH my goodness it was DEVINE!).

Sweet Kathy for taking Taylor and Jacob to school everyday this week. So many times I am awake in the morning but my pain meds haven’t kicked in and I am in a great deal of pain until 9am or so. It is such a blessing to have my kids excited to run across the street to hop into Ms. Kathy’s car…& know that they are in good hands and will start the day with a smile, what a treat! You just don’t know. Also for the yummy chicken salad and croissants (I had that for breakfast this morning at 5am as that was the only meal I’ll get until dinner and I couldn’t have fruit, no sugar, no caffeine etc. UGGH it’s been a hard morning HA! It was YUMMY!!)

A big thank you to Ms. Pam you sweet angel….she cut up every Fruit & Veggie under the sun for our family and put them into containers so that I could easily enjoy them or give them to Taylor and Jake. I have lost all strength in my right arm and I can’t cut or write anymore. You just don’t know what a blessing it is to have friends that help in these ways.

To top it off I received a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of pink roses from a dear friend Patty that are bring love and joy at my bedside so that I can enjoy them as I fall asleep and as I wake…they are gorgeous! Thank you.

God also provided an angel that will only help if she remains anonymous (hmmm…I’ll have to try and break that code HA!). She loving provided fruit, chicken salad and a YUMMY yogurt shake from Sonic that I didn’t even share HA!

I also wanted to thank my Mom and Dad for driving from AZ to come stay with us for a few weeks to help me. Mom has been attending Dr. appts with me, blow drying my hair and styling it (it’s kinda sassy Kathy’s thinking they need a “style off” HA!) and to both of them for all the helping hands they have through out each day. Thank you to my mother and father in love for all the prayers and help with the kids they are so wonderful. Thank you all so very much!! It is humbling to say the least as I look this list I feel so incredibly blessed. The LORD is good and he always provides….bless you all!

Much Love to EACH of you.
Lynn

Monday, April 17, 2006 10:28 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I will make this brief as I am in a fair amount of pain in my arm and typing is difficult.

Dr. O’Shaughnessey got back to me this evening and confirmed what I already knew…all my tumors are indeed Her 2 negative. That means I not a candidate for several of her studies ~ I am o.k. with this as most of them were big gun chemo and everything in me says that is not my path. I guess God just confirmed that my intuition was right.

She would like to have Dr. Hampe take another sample of the biopsy that we did last week and send it to a “famous” pathologist out of state to analyze for IGFR, EGFR, & Veg FR to discern what the survival signal is. From this information she claims that we might be able to make a more educated decision that if E-7080 doesn’t work should we then switch to Carbo Platinin w/ Gemzar (Chemo) or what she believes is a better choice Avastin with Taxol (Chemo). She is going to call Dr. Hampe in the morning to discuss another biopsy.

I meet with Dr. N. Wednesday at 10am to sign up for the E-7080 study. Everyone involved is o.k. With this decision as long as we have a baseline PET before we begin and another one 30 days into the study to see if it is working. Please pray that all tests can be scheduled for Wednesday as it is a long drive and I’d like to get it all done in one visit so it doesn’t interfere with physical therapy or bible study Thursday. It all goes well I should be able to start Monday or Tuesday of next week.

My pain is at an all time high so I will close with a prayer request for the pain to subside and that a clear path of treatment will become evident for complete healing.

Thank you SO much for all that e-mail me, journal on this page, drop me a letter(Sweet Jill, the Stonebriar prayer warriors), a meal (sweet Pam), or cut up my fruit (My Holly)….PLEASE forgive me if I don’t respond with a thank you note, it isn’t for lack of love but rather because I can’t write anymore (it saddens & frustrate me, but I am hopeful that we’ll find a cure for that soon!) Know that I am SOOO…appreciative for all your kindness and prayers!

Much love to all of you.
God Bless,
Lynn

Monday, April 10, 2006 4:33 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

It is with a heavy heart and a fatigued but not absent spirit that I post this evening. Over the past three plus weeks I have undergone a battery of tests in an effort to “find” the caner that the PET Scan showed on the February test. All have come back clear. I have braced myself as I knew that cancer was present not only because we saw it on the PET, but because I knew it in my heart. I am not certain if all cancer patients have that intuition, but over the last three years I have never been wrong. I know my body so well that I detect a problem before and MRI, CT, or even a deranged Neurologist can detect it.

Several weeks ago I discovered a small nodule in my upper arm. Dr. Hampe ordered a sonogram and the radiologist Dr. Lisa Hooper believed it to be a cyst. I also had a nodule in my Axilla and a third “marking” on my right breast that everyone believed to be a bruise that simply would not heal (Dr. O’Shaughnessy was aware of all nodules). On Friday Dr. Hampe preformed a biopsy on the nodule on my arm and breast. This morning both tested positive for breast cancer. We are assuming that the third is cancer is well but Dr. Hampe didn’t feel it was necessary to put me through the pain of that biopsy as it was in a difficult area to dissect.

There are many times that I would relish in the fact that my intuition was correct…this is not one of those times. I fell apart last Thursday and to my utter horror three of my dearest friends caught the wrath of that crumble. They know who they are, and as all true friends do they picked me brushed me off and then got me stinkin’ drunk! HA! I love you girls… More than you possibly know.

Given that the cancer has been in my axilla for the past two years and now has traveled about 2 inches down from the axilla there is no need for a masectomy. Unfortunately it would do no good. Others have suggested a more radical approach of removing the arm, that too would not solve the problem, as it is chest and the arm. So the approach needs to be either chemo or E-8070 the drug from Japan until the vaccine becomes available. I meet with Dr. Stokoe in the morning and I have an e-mail into Dr. Nemunaitis to consult his opinion. I’ll know more in the next few days.

Until then I boldly ask for prayer. Prayer for guidance on treatment plan, for healing, for pain relief, and for the protection of my children. That God would put blinders on their sweet eyes so that the horror of the situation is not apparent to them. If your child is in class with Taylor or Jacob please don’t share this information with them, but rather pray that their friends might come beside them and lift their spirits and bring joy to their each and every day. There are days that I can’t do this and my prayer is that 100 little words of kindness would be spoken to them each and every day that they might feel the joy that they so deserve. Please pray for David and me, that God would give us strength, wisdom, patience, and that he would open the doors that we desperately need to be opened to find a cure for this cancer.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, April 5, 2006 1:19 PM CDT

Hello Friends,

Just a quick note to advise that I did see the neurologist this morning and I will share with you that I gleened absolutely NOTHING from this visit.

I respectfully ask that if you see or talk to me please don't ask about this appt b/c after three years of meeting new doctors, sugery after surgery, radiation, chemo and the like I have NEVER been more tramatized and I simply can not relive it by discussing it. It was emotionally and physically painful. Truthfully I think I educated the doctor more than he educated me. I walked out of the testing in the middle of it and I will NEVER return to that facility. If you ever need a referral for that speciality I would steer you away from this doctor but that said I do not feel compelled to publish his name.

Again I learned absolutely nothing at the appt....yes it could be more cancer...but it also could be radiation damage. That is all I know....of course I knew that before I went to the appt.

Much love to each of you friends.
Lynn
****************************
Written Wednesday Morning Prior to the Neurologist Appt

Dear Friends and Family,

Please forgive me for not posting regularly, it isn't for lack of interest, yearning, or passion but rather it is a function of pain tolerance. The pain in my right arm, shoulder and hand increased exponentially over the weekend and it simply was impossible to write or type. I have prayed for these symptoms to lesson, as journaling is my therapy and without it I feel a bit lost. That said, the numbness and tingling are still constant. I can sign my name and with a felt pen I can write in cursive (sort-of) however printing is impossible. However a huge praise is that typing has become manageable today. I am SO thankful for that it is an answer to prayer.

I once told a friend that I was so sad when these symptoms worsened because my writing is often my voice. It is my way of expressing what is in my heart when the words simply won’t come out of my mouth. It saddens me to think that it might be fading. My hope is that we will find some answers today that might help reduce my symptoms so that I can continue to write.

That said, I have an 11am appointment with a neurologist. At that appointment I will be having what is called a nerve conductor test to determine the extent of the damage to the nerve and the origin of the problem; at least that it my hope.

Over the past week Dr. Hampe prescribed a couple different meds to try and lesson the symptoms. Unfortunately they were not affective. However, I did learn something about my body and that is physical activity helps lesson the pain. PT also helps lesson the pain (a lot actually, albeit temporary). I suppose God is trying to tell me GET UP AND MOVE! Stop trying to protect that arm by holding it and not using it. I obviously can't lift much with it but I can move it, stretch it, and even when it hurts type with it. I refuse to give in to these symptoms ~ we have to find an answer!

Please pray for God's guidance in resolving these issues, as well as finding a cure for this cancer. I am certain that he has a plan and it will be revealed...until then I will press on and lean on him for strength.

Much love to each of you.
Have a blessed day!
Lynn

Wednesday, April 5, 2006 8:44 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Please forgive me for not posting regularly, it isn't for lack of interest, yearning, or passion but rather it is a function of pain tolerance. The pain in my right arm, shoulder and hand increased exponentially over the weekend and it simply was impossible to write or type. I have prayed for these symptoms to lesson, as journaling is my therapy and without it I feel a bit lost. That said, the numbness and tingling are still constant. I can sign my name, and with a felt pen I can write in cursive (sort-of,) but printing is impossible. However a huge praise is that typing has become manageable today. I am SO thankful for that it is an answer to prayer for sure!

I once told a friend that I was so sad when these symptoms worsened because my writing is often my voice. It is my way of expressing what is in my heart when the words simply won’t come out of my mouth. It saddens me to think that it might be fading. My hope is that we will find some answers today that might help reduce my symptoms so that I can continue to write.

That said, I have an 11am appointment with a neurologist. At that appointment I will be having what is called a nerve conductor test to determine the extent of the damage to the nerve and the origin of the problem; at least that it my hope.

Over the past week Dr. Hampe prescribed a couple different meds to try and lesson the symptoms. Unfortunately they were not affective. However, I did learn something about my body and that is physical activity helps lesson the pain. PT also helps lesson the pain (a lot actually, albeit temporary). I suppose God is trying to tell me GET UP AND MOVE! Stop trying to protect that arm by holding it and not using it. I obviously can't lift much with it but I can move it, stretch it, and even when it hurts type with it. I refuse to give in to these symptoms ~ we have to find an answer!

Please pray for God's guidance in resolving these issues, as well as finding a cure for this cancer. I am certain that he has a plan and it will be revealed...until then I will press on and lean on him for strength.

Much love to each of you.
Have a blessed day!
Lynn

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 9:20 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I had planned to spend some quality time journaling this even but the truth is that the moment I sat down at my chair my back and fingers began to hurt so I will make this a brief update. But I felt lead to post so here we go…

On Monday I had an MRI of the spine and shoulder. The results are good in that they see no evidence of tumor. Yeah God! However the do see some scar tissue that is most likely from the Oct surgery and radiation from last year. It appears that the scar tissue is forming around the nerve that controls my right arm. We are assuming that this might be the reason for my symptoms. I am scheduled to see a Neurologist on Wednesday of next week to determine the extent of the nerve damage and to try and discern if it is permanent or temporary. My hope is that is it temporary, as my symptoms have gotten much worse over the past week. Yesterday I sat for a photo shoot for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure (Dallas) / Portraits for the Cure Benefit that will be held April 8th. I had taken my bible to the shoot and when I reached to grab it I nearly dropped it, as all the strength from my right hand gone. I can sign my name but printing is difficult. This is frustrating for sure. The tingling and numbness has gone to the entire hand, arm and all fingers. As you can imagine typing is a challenge.

That said, I do have a huge praise…I was able to be seen by my OT Leslie and she worked with me for 90 minutes and although the numbness and tingling did not subside she offered a great deal of relief for the pain I have been having in my arm and shoulder. I feel so blessed that insurance has agreed to cover this cost, as she is the one person that has consistently given me relief from pain.

My arm garment is still in the process of being made; I am hopeful that it will be mailed to be in the next 1-2 weeks. Again this will help relieve some of my symptoms so we have that to look forward to.

I am still in a holding pattern re: the HER1 and HER2 tests (the results have not come back yet). This of course means that we don’t know if I’ll do the drug that was developed in Japan or Herceptin + Chemo. Well, I know what I’ll be doing but the docs still haven’t told me their final recommendations.

All is great with the kids. Dave continues to travel a TON…this week is has been in Chicago, LA, and NY…poor guy he isn’t going to know what time zone he’s in when he gets home Friday. Please pray for safe travels. We miss him already.

I will close with my sincere thanks for your continued prayers and words of encouragement; they mean more than you can imagine.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 6:58 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

We've had a busy, but fun week! We took the kids to Lake Travis for a couple of days, and then we had our friends the Ottenstein's come for 5 days from Colorado. It was crazy fun!

I met with Dr. MIKE Nemunaitis (John's brother) at MCMRC re: the E-7080 study from Japan. I believe we will press forward with this study but it has been put on hold for 10-14 days as we continue to run tests on the Oct & Jan tumors to discern if HER 2/nu is something we should pursue given that I am so on the border. In my heart I don't think this is an option but I met with Dr. O'Shaughnessy today and she is very detail oriented and will leave no stone unturned before we make a call on treatment.

If you would have asked me 2 weeks ago if I was o.k. with the wait my answer would have been NO! However we received the news on Friday that my MRI, CT and Sonogram came back clear. Normally this would be news to celebrate but of course knowing the PET showed cellular activity the thought is that even though a tumor hasn't formed cancer is most likely present at the microscopic level. But I feel ok searching out add'l info before we make a final decision on treatment.

My symptoms continue to worsen in my hands and arm. I was able to see my OT yesterday and she provided some much needed relief but the numbness and tingling are making it difficult to do all fine motor skills i.e., writing, opening a bottle of water, even large motor skills like holding a hair dryer is difficult. My fingers are swelling on and off and the swelling in my arm has increased. These are all prayer requests for sure.

That said, we had many answered prayers today and we received the news that insurance WILL cover add'l therapy for my lymphedema and they found a carrier in PA that is in network that carries that arm garment I need for sleeping. I had the measurements faxed over today and they are estimating 10-14 working days and it should be available. These are HUGE answered prayers and I thank each of you so much for praying over these issues.

I continue to pray for guidance and healing and thank each of you for doing the same.

Thank you too for your words of encouragement. I love hearing from each of you!

Much love to you,
Lynn

Monday, March 13, 2006 10:10 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Thank you all for all your prayers, and encouraging notes. I so needed to hear each of your words, they mean more than you know.

Today I met with Dr. Nemunaitis and Dr. Hampe. Both of them were productive appointments. Let me explain…

Since my last post you might have gleaned that I was disappointed that I couldn’t do radiation. I was, but in my heart I knew that would be the outcome. I told myself, and others reminded me that God never closes a door without opening another. I think we all know this but being faithful to that end is often difficult. I am of course no exception.

On two separate occasions I found myself fretting about the prospects of chemo now that radiation had been taken off the table. I know many of you that read this are probably thinking that you don’t understand my hesitation regarding chemo. Some might even believe that I should just do whatever it takes to try and beat this cancer ~ if that means chemo so be it. What you may not appreciate is that I am, I have been. I have experienced 4 surgeries, 12 rounds of chemo, 63 rounds of radiation, a year of homeopathic meds, and countless OT sessions etc., etc., etc… all in an effort to beat this disease. The truth is that I’d do it all again if I thought it would work. IF is the operative word; the reality is that I don’t think chemo will work.

I e-mailed Dr. Nemunaitis last week after I learned that radiation wasn’t an option. I shared with him my hesitations. Here is a portion of the letter I sent to him.

“The truth is that I don’t have faith in chemo. I’ve been down that path too many times with no success. It is a painful process for all involved and I am not certain that I have the strength or the willingness to go it again knowing that what is being suggested are "big gun chemo's" similar to the A/C I endured in 2003.

That is why I signed up for your study. I believe in it. I have been asked to participate in other studies and I declined as everything in me told me they weren't right for me. I don't know if your study will work for me, I pray that it will, and doesn't come too late, but I knew from the beginning that I wanted to be a part of it. I believe in what you are doing it is absolutely the answer for this disease.”

That is the raw emotion that is difficult to explain to people. I believe that God whispers in our ear and we know in the pit of our stomachs when something isn’t right. We feel it. We may not be able to explain it to others, but we feel it. That is how I feel about chemo. Everything in me says that it isn’t the answer for me. It might be for hundreds of thousands of patients out there. Most of them would have responded to the regimen that I’ve already endured. I didn’t. This cancer is different. Thus the treatment needs to be different.

So…back to my original notion, God never closes a door without opening another. And so he did for me. He closed the door to radiation. HE knew it wasn’t the answer. Today HE opened a new door.

Dr. Nemunaitis and his team ran a test on my tumor. He just called me and the results indicate the HER 2 expression is 3 fold greater than my normal healthy tissue. Please note that this analysis is completely different from the F.I.S.H. test that indicated my HER2/nu levels at 1.77 just under the 2.0 bar necessary to take Herceptin. This test is not looking at proteins it is looking a MRNA. The MRNA came back 3-fold greater than normal. As such it led credence to the idea that we discussed earlier today that I would be a good candidate for a study that is testing the effectiveness of a new drug on breast, and other cancers. This drug is an inhibitor developed in Japan. It has little to no side affects and based on the above it might turn off the HER2 gene and buy us some time.

There are currently 12 participants in the MCMRC study of this new drug. One is a breast cancer patient. They just got her results back today that indicate no disease progression since starting the drug. This isn’t to say that her cancer has diminished. It hasn’t, BUT the fact that it hasn’t grown is significant because if that holds true for me that would buy us time until the vaccine becomes available…and that is the door we need to open.

I have several tests that will be run in the next week to determine if I am a candidate for this study. I will also need to meet with Dr. O’Shaughnessy, Dr. Kuhn, and Dr. Hampe to ensure that everyone is in agreement with us moving forward with the study but the door of hope has just opened. Yeah GOD!!

Huge Praise.
Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Thursday, March 9, 2006 7:11 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Let me begin by apologizing for not posting lately. It has been hectic to say the least.

Yesterday was a tough day. I knew from the moment I woke up that something wasn’t right. I felt it. I can’t explain it but to say that I believe that God prepares our heart. I e-mailed David a few times through out the day as he was at the airport traveling to Tucson, AZ. He sensed that I was off from the start and called to check on me several times through out the day. He too knew something was not right.

Around noon, in my second e-mail to David, I indicated that I felt that radiation was not going to be an option. I shared that I knew I should remain optimistic but that history dictated that my gut reactions are usually right when it comes to cancer. No more than two hours later I received a call from Dr. Senzor’s office confirming that indeed I am not a candidate for radiation. I didn’t even cry, as I already knew that would be the answer.

That isn’t to say that I hadn’t cried all day, quite the opposite in fact. Most days I hold it together. I think to many people’s disbelief…God has given me the strength to handle the past two and half years....and it is just that, a gift. Yesterday confirmed that I couldn’t do this alone. I can’t do this in the flesh. I need Christ to get me through as alone I am crumbling.

Late yesterday afternoon as my kids played with their friends the Crandell’s I e-mailed David the news that radiation was not going to be an option. His response was simply,

Keep your chin up... One last storm.

I love you!

I BELIEVE you will be fine.

Ditto!

To which I replied, “I fear this storm is called Katrina and the levees are about to break....”

And he responded with, “No. I have more than enough optimism for both of us. You know how you worry about something and then it happens and you end up saying "why was I so worried about that?"

This is one of those times... We have crossed each obstacle together and one last run... Keep up with me... We are going to win!

And I retorted with, “You know I've never been a long distance runner...a sprinter yes, but never long distance. We are approaching 3 years I think the sprint is over and you are asking me to leave my area of comfort and become a marathon runner...I am going to need some coaching.

Our e-mailing ended with that and he called to hear my voice. I had dropped to my knees in prayer and was given the strength to pull it together. I was also given words from a dear friend that I will cherish…he said,

We are so caught up in the outcome of this world, when we don’t realize, we don’t control the outcome. . .

It isn’t about the outcome or what we think we are entitled to; it is about how you handle the journey.

It is about how you handle the cards that are UNCONTROLLABLE.

I want to be Lynn Newman when my challenge comes.

I use you as an example and tell your story often.

I am humbled by the words of my husband and our dear friend Corbin. I am not certain that I live up to either of their opinions but I am determined to live a life that makes God, my family and friends proud. So I’ll run…and try to keep up…

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Thursday, March 2, 2006 6:55 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Let me begin by thanking each of you that posted your sweet words of encouragement. Many have asked what they can do and my response has always been prayer. The truth is that your encouraging words of support are so wonderful. I look forward to reading them and often draw much strength from you. So please continue.

That said prayer is absolutely the best thing anyone could offer at this time. Prayer for answers, for peace and for relief from the tingling and numbness that I have been experiencing for the past two weeks. The tingling started in the tip of my thumb and has progressively gotten worse each day. It is now up to my elbow most of the day and it has started to increase the swelling of my right arm. My OT has said that she has done all that she can do until after I complete either radiation or chemo. Both of these treatments will adversely affect my lymphedema. Please pray for relief of the above as well as minimal swelling since I will not be able to do PT until after treatment.

Also, a specific prayer request is that my insurance company will make an exception and continue to cover the cost of PT post treatment. They have offered only 20 treatments and that will be done March 9th. As such we've opted to save the last 2 treatments until after radiation/chemo. Please pray that they will make an exception my O.T. Leslie is the one person that has consistently offered me relief from symptoms post surgery etc and it adds up very quickly.

I am in a holding pattern until I hear from Dr. Senzor next week and I meet with Dr. O'Shaughnessy in three weeks. Thank you so much for your continued prayers for clarity of treatment.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 2:41 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a world wind week as I have spent the better part of three days meeting with doctors. Here is what we know from each doctor:

Monday I met with Dr. Hampe, my surgeon. He did a physical exam and felt no presence of tumor. That would be a good thing but for the fact that we know there is cancer as the PET Scan is clear on that point. What that means is that the cancer hasn’t grown large enough to feel by touch, and that based on the PET we may not be able to “feel” it by touch at all as it is located I the following areas: the RIGHT INTERNAL MAMMARY Lymph Node, the RIGHT Axilla as well as the adjacent to the RIGHT Proximal Humerus (basically where your shoulder connects to your chest). You may recall that after surgery #3 we had removed all the lymph nodes that we could by going in from the side of the right breast. Our hope was that we had shut down that pathway by taking out as many lymph nodes as we have. Unfortunately this cancer is persistent and has now traveled to the right internal mammary and to get to that area it would mean going in by opening up the rib cage. We are NOT there yet. The cancer that is located in the RIGHT proximal Humerus, this is also not operable, short of severing the arm. As such, no one is suggesting surgery at this time.

Yesterday I met with Dr. Joyce O’Shaughnessy. She is the leading breast oncologist in the country and based on our visit yesterday I can see why. She is extremely knowledgeable on the most current cancer treatments whether they are FDA approved or case study only. She is currently involved in a number of on going trials for different chemo agents. Here is what she had to say: She agrees with Dr. Hampe’s assessment that the most current PET indicates cancer as listed above. As such, she feels that we have three choices:

1. Dr. Neil Senzor (radiologist that was present for surgery #3 that was going to place catheters in for pellet radiation) maintains that there is some new pinpoint precision radiation now available that he’d like to do to the above areas. This would be my first choice BUT we don’t know if I will be a candidate as I have had radiation twice before and he needs to review my case to see if I can tolerate add’l radiation.

2. Combination of Avaston with Taxol. Avaston is an antibody similar to Herceptin & Taxol is chemo. This combination works well with triple negative tumors like mine BUT that were also sensitive to A/C. A/C is the chemo I had the first time, and I did NOT respond to it al all, so I most likely wouldn’t be as good of a candidate for that.

3. Combination of chemo drugs called: Carbo Platin, Etoposide, and Irinotecan. The first two drugs are currently available and used for breast cancer the third is an off label chemo currently used for colon cancer but Dr. O. is in the middle of a study that is testing the three together to see the effectiveness for triple negative breast cancer patients. It has a high chance of working if my tumor comes back positive for Her1 (not to be confused with Her2 gene). She will order a test on my latest tumor to test for the Her1 gene. If I am a positive for that gene she will most likely push for me to go down this path. The down side to this regimen is that these are BIG GUN chemo’s with all the bad side affects of A/C. Extreme illness, hair loss, body rash that resembles acne etc. All the things that I HATE! I have been there and have no desire to travel that path again.

Today I met with Dr. Nemunaitis regarding the vaccine study that I am participating in. The study continues to press forward but science takes time. He assures me that no amount of fundraising will expedite this process, although it would be helpful to other patients down the road so he always welcomes it. That said we are further away from getting the vaccine than I had hoped. Realistically we are about 5 months out. This is a scary number to me as the cancer is coming back at a more furious rate now and I am not certain my body will be able to keep it in the localized right quadrant much longer. For these reasons we have to do something while we wait for the vaccine. Dr. Nemunaitis feels strongly that we need to react now with some sort of therapy listed above. Like me, his first choice is radiation. I pray that this will be an option for me, but not at the risk of causing more harm than good.

I received an e-mail this morning from my friend Holly. She was explaining most of the above, excluding Dr. Nemunaitis’s comments, to her brother last night. Like me she was so angry that chemo is once again looking like a path I might have to take. He summed it up so perfectly. Do you remember the movie Forrest Gump when Jenny was angry and started throwing rocks at the house. She was screaming and throwing harder and harder, and harder!!! Forest says…Jenny, sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks!! That is about how I felt yesterday; there just weren’t enough rocks! Today I just feel numb. I don’t know what to pray for, and I am just tired.

I’ll close with this. I am down but I am not defeated. I am hurting but I am not alone. I am certain of one and only one thing it is out of my control and the only way I can move forward is to stop complaining and start praying. I ask with all the boldness that I can that each of you pray for answers. That God gives us the neon sign saying …THIS WAY! COME THIS WAY!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 2:36 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a world wind week as I have spent the better part of three days meeting with doctors. Here is what we know from each doctor:

Monday I met with Dr. Hampe, my surgeon. He did a physical exam and felt no presence of tumor. That would be a good thing but for the fact that we know there is cancer as the PET Scan is clear on that point. What that means is that the cancer hasn’t grown large enough to feel by touch, and that based on the PET we may not be able to “feel” it by touch at all as it is located I the following areas: the RIGHT INTERNAL MAMMARY Lymph Node, the RIGHT Axilla as well as the adjacent to the RIGHT Proximal Humerus (basically where your shoulder connects to your chest). You may recall that after surgery #3 we had removed all the lymph nodes that we could by going in from the side of the right breast. Our hope was that we had shut down that pathway by taking out as many lymph nodes as we have. Unfortunately this cancer is persistent and has now traveled to the right internal mammary and to get to that area it would mean going in by opening up the rib cage. We are NOT there yet. The caner that is located in the RIGHT proximal Humerus, this is also not operable, short of severing the arm. As such, no one is suggesting surgery at this time.

Yesterday I met with Dr. Joyce O’Shaughnessy. She is the leading breast oncologist in the country and based on our visit yesterday I can see why. She is extremely knowledgeable on the most current cancer treatments whether they are FDA approved or case study only. She is currently involved in a number of on going trials for different chemo agents. Here is what she had to say: She agrees with Dr. Hampe’s assessment that the most current PET indicates cancer as listed above. As such, she feels that we have three choices:

1. Dr. Neil Senzor (radiologist that was present for surgery #3 that was going to place catheters in for pellet radiation) maintains that there is some new pinpoint precision radiation now available that he’d like to do to the above areas. This would be my first choice BUT we don’t know if I will be a candidate as I have had radiation twice before and he needs to review my case to see if I can tolerate add’l radiation.

2. Combination of Avaston with Taxol. Avaston is an antibody similar to Herceptin & Taxol is chemo. This combination works well with triple negative tumors like mine BUT that were also sensitive to A/C. A/C is the chemo I had the first time, and I did NOT respond to it al all, so I most likely wouldn’t be as good of a candidate for that.

3. Combination of chemo drugs called: Carbo Platin, Etoposide, and Irinotecan. The first two drugs are currently available and used for breast cancer the third is an off label chemo currently used for colon cancer but Dr. O. is in the middle of a study that is testing the three together to see the affectedness for triple negative breast cancer patients. It has a high chance of working if my tumor comes back positive for Her1 (not to be confused with Her2 gene). She will order a test on my latest tumor to test for the Her1 gene. If I am a positive for that gene she will most likely push for me to go down this path. The down side to this regimen is that these are BIG GUN chemo’s with all the bad side affects of A/C. Extreme illness, hair loss, body rash that resembles acne etc. All the things that I HATE! I have been there and have no desire to travel that path again.

Today I met with Dr. Nemunaitis regarding the vaccine study that I am participating in. The study continues to press forward but science takes time. He assures me that no amount of fundraising will expedite this process, although it would be helpful to other patients down the road so he always welcomes it. That said we are further away from getting the vaccine than I had hoped. Realistically we are about 5 months out. This is a scary number to me as the cancer is coming back at a more furious rate now and I am not certain my body will be able to keep it in the localized right quadrant much longer. For these reasons we have to do something while we wait for the vaccine. Dr. Nemunaitis feels strongly that we need to react now with some sort of therapy listed above. Like me, his first choice is radiation. I pray that this will be an option for me, but not at the risk of causing more harm than good.

I received an e-mail this morning from my friend Holly. She was explaining most of the above, excluding Dr. Nemunaitis’s comments, to her brother last night. Like me she was so angry that chemo is once again looking like a path I might have to take. He summed it up so perfectly. Do you remember the movie Forrest Gump when Jenny was angry and started throwing rocks at the house. She was screaming and throwing harder and harder, and harder!!! Forest says…Jenny, sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks!! That is about how I felt yesterday; there just weren’t enough rocks! Today I just feel numb. I don’t know what to pray for, and I am just tired.

I’ll close with this. I am down but I am not defeated. I am hurting but I am not alone. I am certain of one and only one thing it is out of my control and the only way I can move forward is to stop complaining and start praying. I ask with all the boldness that I can that each of you pray for answers. That God gives us the neon sign saying …THIS WAY! COME THIS WAY!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, February 23, 2006 6:37 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I received a call from Dr. Stokoe about 45 minutes ago and it seems the PET Scan results are a bit inconclusive. It shows some uptake in the Right Upper Quadrant "behind the Right Arm" which doesn't make sense to even him let alone me. Pretty much sounds like the area I just had surgery on but he wants to speak to Dr. Hampe to confirm.

The uptake is registering at a 2.5 level of activity, apparently most, but not all cancer tumors typically register at 8+. Again my levels are inconclusive.

In his words, “sometimes we become victims of technology in that a CT most likely would come back fine, but now that we have the bigger and better ‘PET Scan Technology’ we defer to it. Unfortunately in situations like this we simply don't know what to make of the results”. UGGH! That is frustrating to hear. Basically he is saying we really don’t know what is going on right now. Looks like cancer but it’s not the typical PET result so we are unsure.

The good news is that my liver, lung, and bones continue to be clear. That is a huge praise! Really it is. It is by Gods hands that this cancer has not spread! And who knows maybe the uptake is inflammation from surgery.

I really don't know where we go from here. I've requested that copies of the PET films and report go to Hampe. I meet with him on Monday at 12noon and I'll pick up copies to bring along to Dr. O'Shaughnessy and Nemunaitis to get their feedback. The blessing is that I have appts with both of them next week so it seems that God has handled the timing and the details once again.

I will look forward to hearing from all of you and updating you again once I meet with Dr. O'Shaughnessy and Nemunaitis.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 1:55 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been a few days since my last post so I thought I'd check in so that you'd know that all was well.

My PET/CT Scan went well on Monday. As you can imagine I am in waiting mode for the results. I hope to know something by Friday, or Monday. Often the waiting can be difficult, but for some reason I have peace during this waiting period. I am certain it is an answer to prayer as that isn't always the case.

That said, I believe that something my husband said a few weeks ago has also given me perspective. He said, in a response to my receiving the news from Dr. Hampe that the lump they removed in January tested positive for cancer, "Did you really think that you didn't have cancer floating around somewhere in your body?" It seemed harsh at the time, however he was right. I did, and most likely I still do. I don't know if it'll show up this time on the PET or not. I am prepared for either response; partially due to as his next comment, “isn’t that why we are so optimistic about the work that Dr. Nemunaitis is doing on the vaccine study. If we didn't believe that you still had cancer why would we be so hopeful that this was your cure?" Again, he was right. (Don't you just hate that! HA!) Everything in me believes that this is my hope, my cure. It just feels right.

So, do I think the PET will come back positive? I don't know, I guess a part of me believes that it will. If it does then all the more reason that the FDA should approve my vaccine. At least that will be my prayer.

Until that time we are enjoying each day. I hope you'll do the same.

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Friday, February 17, 2006 10:46 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I have had an interesting couple of days. Let me explain.

I met with Dr. Hampe Wednesday and after discussing my symptoms about the tingling in my thumb he felt that it made sense to meet with Dr. Stokoe and then schedule a PET. The concern was that tumor might be pressing down on the radial nerve; another answer might be that scar tissue has formed around the radial nerve. Both would explain the symptoms I have been having.

I met with Dr. Stokoe this afternoon and he scheduled a PET Scan for Monday at 7:30am. It typically takes 5 days to get the test read so we may know something Friday, but it might be the following Monday.

On a separate note, I had an opportunity to meet with several ladies from my neighborhood Thursday evening and few of them pressed me on the necessity to raise funds for the MCMRC study I am participating in. The study itself is fully funded, but the add’l funds would be used to hire a full time scientist for my case exclusively thus expediting my timeline. I e-mailed Dr. N about this and he is open to this idea but thought it prudent to wait for the PET results before we do any fundraising. I tend to agree with him. So we’ll circle back around on that issue after we know the PET results.

On Thursday I met with several of my friends for our weekly bible study and we were discussing the need for prayer, but more specifically the need to quiet our hearts after we pray so that we listen for Gods answers. I don’t know about you but I tend to pray when I wake up, shoot some “arrow prayers” up through out the day and then again just before I fall asleep. None of them offer opportunities to stop and be still and listen for his reply.

I joked that often times I feel like I need a neon sign or a billboard before I “realize” the answer. Then we discussed the notion that sometimes God uses us, friends, family, strangers, even doctors to give us our answers…again we need to listen.

After sharing the idea with Dr. N. that it might be possible to raise additional funds to expedite my study we traded several e-mails back and forth. The last message simply read, “Don’t worry. It’s just not your time. You need to believe that regardless of what the PET says”.

O.k. Lord I am listening….

I’ll close with the reply I sent to Dr. N.

******
I believe that with all my heart...I know I am part of this study for a reason ~ you have no idea how many people have prayed on my behalf for this cure...it is going to work!

I've always thought there must be a reason why this cancer is so persistent, why it didn't respond to chemo, or radiation, why it kept coming back. I've been journaling for the past 18 months and many times I would write that I didn't understand why all of this was happening but that I trusted that God had a plan. I may not understand it today, but I am certain he will reveal it to me in his time.

Let us not forget that "To those that much is given, much is expected"....

You are right it is not my time...I still have too much that is expected of me and I am just getting started.

Thank you for the message, I needed to hear it.
Lynn

Tuesday, February 14, 2006 9:48 PM CST

Dear Mom,

Rosses are red.

Vilots are blue.

Candy is sweet , Just like you.

Love,
Taylor

Dear Friends and Family,

I couldn’t resist posting that sweet Valentine’s Day message! That is the actual message that my sweet girl wrote, typed (spelling errors and all). She picked Curlz MT font with Red ink and printed on pink paper as my Valentine! Are you dying! OH…she is soo…dear. Of course she also wrote one for David that read, Roses are Red, Violets are blue football is great just like you! HA! I love it she knows us both so well!

What a great day we’ve had. Unfortunately, David had to be in Boston tonight so we couldn’t all be together but it was a good day nonetheless. It ended with the kids and I having Sonic in the car (slushies and all) and watching American Idol. Could you plan a better Valentines Day? I don’t think so!

After tucking my sweet angels in bed for the night I found myself pulled to the computer to journal. I’ve had several friends call to check on me, as it seems I haven’t posted in a while and that for some that is worrisome. I understand this, as there have been times that I haven’t posted because my spirits were low. I am happy to say isn’t the cause this time. We are in simply in a holding pattern. That is not a bad place to be, I’ve certainly been in much worse.

At this point Dr. N’s group is still working on my case in an effort to create a vaccine that will attack the cancer in my body. I will be meeting with him following my appointment with Dr. O’Shaunessey on the 28th of Feb. I will most likely have a better idea of the timeline at that point, however it looks to be about a 4-month process at this time, so I am guessing sometime in June.

I have an appt with Dr. Hampe tomorrow to meet with him about some tingling that began last Thursday in my thumb. I am assuming this is some nerve damage from the last surgery but it is a bit worrisome as I had similar tingling in my ring and pinky finger prior to surgery #2. However, I feel fairly confident it is due to surgery as they ALWAYS ask for these symptoms post surgery I’ve just never experienced them until now. I’ll let you know what I find out tomorrow.

Dr. Stokoe ordered blood work last week as my energy levels have been extremely low for the past few weeks after switching my thyroid meds last month. I received a call from him Friday and indeed my levels were quite low and he bumped up my meds by 50%. I am starting to feel more energetic already. I meet with him on Friday of this week to discuss potential chemo etc. opportunities available before the vaccine is completed in June. Truth be told I have no intention of signing up for add’l chemo as it has never worked in the past on this cancer so I don’t think it makes sense to try a third tired chemo now. But I am always open to listening, and learning.

I will close the Valenties Day journal by posting part of the letter I wrote to David for Valentines Day ~ he is my heart…

Happy Valentines Day Love,

....So here is the story I'd like to tell...

David, I look at you and I see my future. I see it in many different ways; in the way our children will grow up to be strong like you, brilliant like you, amazing like you. I see it in the way you find hope when it seems that all hope is gone. I love that you are the calm within our storm of cancer. You are the compass that allows me to find peace when I feel so incredibly lost. You are my strength, my armor, and my shield. You are the warrior that fights when I can't possibly fight anymore. You shake me to my senses when life thrusts another mountain in our path. You remind me to continue to fight, and seek answers when most would resign to what appeared to be hopeless.

You say that our hope is rekindled. Is it? I believe that it is, but only God knows for sure. Clearly he has a plan. I've always said that was the case, and that it would be revealed to us in his time. My hope is that his plan is that I get to spend my gray haired years in your loving arms. Celebrating many more Valentine's Days reminiscing about the "black" house you talked me into buying in Minnesota, or the time you showed me what a "sensitive" guy you were by watching Olympic ice skating at Josh Slocomb’s. Truth be told I don't know what the future holds, but for now, today...we have hope, and love.

David I am blessed every single day to be your wife, the mother of your children and a child of God ~ who could ask for more......

Happy Valentines Day My Love,
I miss you,
L

Monday, January 30, 2006 8:32 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

My hands are a little shaky as I type this journal entry, as I am nervously excited about the news I am about to share with all of you.

I just got off the phone with Dr. Nemunaitis. It seems that he has received some funds from a private donor (a patient of his) as well as from the clinic that have been allocated for my case. It is not the entire $50,000 grant that he put in for (that is still pending), but it was approximately $20,000, which is enough to expedite a portion of the 6-month process. A portion that would have normally taken 3 months will now be completed 2 weeks! That shaves our timeline to around 4.5 months vs. 7 (if we include the time we’ll need to get FDA approval).

As if that wasn’t enough he went on to ask me if I was familiar with Dr. Joyce O’Shaughnessy an oncologist here in Dallas? Umm…YEAH she is published everywhere. I actually tried to get into see her a year ago with no success (she wasn’t accepting new patients). Well he spoke with her at some length today about my case and he is going to set up an appointment for me to meet with her to discuss potential treatments that might need to be taken prior to the vaccine becoming available.

O.k. so I am not done yet…he went on to ask if I’d heard of the Komen Foundation? Well of course hasn’t everyone? Apparently he and Dr. O’Shaughnessy were thinking that they might submit a request for grant from the Komen Foundation in my name, if I was o.k. with that? WHAT, are you kidding me???? I am SO o.k. with that!

Thank you all for your prayers. Clearly they are being heard as God answered some VERY big prayers for this little girl from Frisco, TX today and he opened the doors for some others!

WOW, wow, wow, we have an amazing GOD!!! Praise him friends as he is mighty, he is mighty indeed!!!!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, January 27, 2006 4:29 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Well HELLO…. Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I was waiting to meet with Dr. Hampe and Dr. John Nemunaitis (Director of the Mary Crowley Medical Research Center) and those appointments were today and yesterday.

Here is a recap of what we know:

Dr. Hampe had the tissue surrounding the latest tumor tested to confirm if any breast tissue was present in an effort to determine if a mastectomy was necessary. There was NO breast tissue present. As such, we had a long discussion about the surgery today and have determined that at this point it wouldn’t benefit me. So I will NOT be having a mastectomy. A part of me a relieved about this, but I had mentally prepared for that to happen so I would have been o.k. with either decision.

Dr. Hampe took also took out the two stitches that were on the exterior of the skin today. The rest of them will dissolve internally overtime. The incision looks perfect and really is healing nicely. He is an AMAZING surgeon his lines are paper thin and over time I am confident this scar will be very minimal.

Dave and I met with Dr. John Nemunaitis at the MCMRC yesterday to discuss the progress that they’ve made on a vaccine study they’ve been working on from the tumor that was removed at Baylor in October. At this point they are in the final days (literally) of completing the DNA analysis of the tumor and it’s comparison to the healthy surrounding tissue that was removed in Oct 05. It has taken this long to identify the cells that they believe are the “issue”. The next step is to begin the process of developing a vaccine that will target the cells they’ve identified as probable cells that are “fueling” the cancer that I’ve been fighting. This is absolutely cutting edge medicine and I am one of 7 candidates in the study and in fact I am the only breast cancer patient. I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of this study as I truly believe this is where science is going and a cure will be found. The vaccine will be specific to the DNA of the cancer from my tumor. It is NOT a breast cancer cure, but rather a cure for Lynn Newman’s tumor, it is that specific. It is incredible where science is leading us it gives me great hope for future cancer patients. I truly believe that this disease will have a cure in our children’s lifetime. That is exciting to say the least. That is the good news.

The other news is that the vaccine is at a minimum 7 months away. They are thinking 6 months to develop it, and best-case scenario 30 days for FDA approval; it could be longer if the FDA has any concerns. FYI:This type of vaccine has never been given to a breast cancer patient…ever. However, in the recent past Dr. Nemunaitis had a study that focused on Lung Cancer patients where “each patient was injected in the arm and leg with a vaccine that included cells from his or her tumors. A gene called CM-CSF was placed into the cancer cells to change the surface of the cells to help the body identify them as cancerous. The body's immune cells soon began to recognize, attack and destroy the cancer cells in the lungs.” You can google Dr. Nemunaitis and read about the exciting work he and his team at the MCMRC has been doing on individual therapies and vaccines in recent months/years.

Long story short is that although the timeline is not optimal (7 months at the earliest unless they come up with an add’l $50,000 grant) it is manageable. In the meantime, we will continue to monitor my health every other week with a physical exam with Dr. Hampe, a bi-lateral sonogram monthly, and PET every 3months (the next one to be done most likely in the next 6wks.) In addition, all my doctors are discussing the option of treating w/ add’l chemo until the vaccine becomes available. Although given that I’ve never responded to chemo, and in fact tumor #2 actually grew while taking chemo the likelihood of my enduring add’l chemo is low.

So there you have it.

We are all “hanging” in there. Our spirits were deflated when we heard the news of course (as I am certain many of yours were as well…God love all of you!) but we remain positive and optimistic about a cure. It will happen, we just need to pray and be patient.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. I read them daily and I know that God will handle the details.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, January 21, 2006 12:23 AM CST

“Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh”

Why indeed. All I could think of were the words to that song when Dr. Hampe called last night to inform me that the tumor he removed Thursday was cancer. I let go some time ago and trusted Christ for my salvation but somehow we always try to “fix” our own problems don’t’ we? At least I do. I try and understand why some things occur and how I can “fix them”. I guess the answer is that sometimes we can’t and we just need to let go and give the wheel to him and trust that our lives will turn out as he intended.

I am not sure why it is that I have gone through 4 cancer surgeries in two and an half years. I am not sure why it is that this cancer is so persistent, not responding to chemo, radiation or non-traditional medicine. What I do know is that I won’t give up; he has a plan for me and if I am patience one-way or another it will be reveled to me.

So I am “letting go” and turning my fear, grief, and frustration over to him. Laying it at his feet as I can shoulder this burden no more.

Where do I go from here? Dr. Hampe is talking to the Mary Crowley Institute to try and expedite the gene therapy/vaccine study they’ve been doing on my last tumor. He is hopeful that we’ll be able to get the vaccine in an expeditious manner. (I honestly don’t know what kind of timetable that means). However if he feels uncomfortable with the length of time it’ll take to get the vaccine he has prepped me for a mastectomy. He’d prefer to try the vaccine first but if it is too far out then that’ll be our next step. At this point no one is suggesting add’l chemo since it hasn’t worked in the past and this tumor tested similar to tumor #2 that was removed in Nov 2004 which did not respond to chemo.

So now we pray. For healing, peace, hope, courage, and guidance.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:32 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am HOME, YEAH!. Surgery went just as it should and I was home by 1pm (LOVE that Dr. Hampe!) We don't have pathology yet, most likely tomorrow.

Thank you all for continued prayers I'll check in tomorrow w/ pathology results.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, January 16, 2006 8:40 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is nearly 8:30pm and I just received a call from Dr. Hampe confirming that surgery will be Thursday mid-morning (most likely 10am). He feels confident that the surgery should only take about one hour. It’s funny I feel like it’s a regular Dr. appt that I am “fitting” in while my children are in school. I’ll drop them off at school at 7:45am, check in at 9am, they’ll take me back at 10am, if all goes well I’ll be out of surgery by 11am and out of recovery by 1pm. I should be home before the kids are finished with school. I pray that it goes that smoothly.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for strength, courage, and peace; they continue to be answered, as I really am o.k. with this surgery. I feel very strongly that it will go perfectly. If this is cancer then maybe this setback will put my case at the very top of the list for the vaccine study I am participating in, and quite possibly be the cure that my body needs to be cancer free. One thing I am certain of is that it is all Gods hands, so I am leaving the details up to him.

I would ask those of you that are close to my family and see Taylor and Jacob at school to please keep this information to yourself, as they don’t know yet. I will explain it to them but in simple terms, as I don’t want them to worry. Many of you may recall that Taylor had a really hard time with my last surgery and I don’t want her to worry this time. It is all going to be o.k. and I refuse to worry them.

On a happy note, Miss Catherine was released from the hospital this morning…HUGH PRAISE!!! She is doing much better but will be under her doctor and families watchful eyes for six weeks to ensure that she doesn’t have a relapse and end up back in the hospital as she isn’t completely over the RSV virus. Thank you all so very much for your continued prayers for this little angel she is so dear we all just want her to be well.

I will close just asking for your continued prayers for health, healing, that surgery goes perfectly and that God lay his hands on my families heart and bring them peace.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, January 14, 2006 9:48 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is a beautiful day in sunny Dallas today; I wish my heart were as bright. The past 24 hours brought news that we all didn’t want, or need to hear. Let me begin with my dear friend Holly. On Wednesday her 19-month-old little girl Catherine was seen and tested for RSV. Thursday evening the diagnosis was confirmed she does have RSV. They gave her round the clock breathing treatments Wed and Thursday night but by Friday morning it just wasn’t offering enough relief and she was admitted to the hospital. They immediately took a chest X-Ray and she also has pneumonia. She is one sick little girl and I would like to ask that each of you pray for healing for Catherine and strength for Holly, Todd and all the Crandell family as it is a scary emotional time.

On a separate note my day was filled with doctor appts yesterday. One was with my surgeon Dr. David Hampe. Let me explain. About ten days ago I found a lump on the right side of my chest near where the lower part of my axilla (arm/arm pit) connects to my chest. It was tender (which for me is always a good sign b/c each time cancer has been found it hasn’t hurt). It concerned me so I called this week to inform Dr. Hampe and he asked that I come in Friday for an ultra sound. I have a 1-2cm solid tumor that is suspicious for cancer (particularly due to the latest PET Scan). As such, surgery is scheduled for next week either Tuesday or Thursday depending upon scheduling (I’ll know more on Monday). I would be completely falling apart, I almost got there yesterday but I believe that many answered prayers from those that knew of the situation were answered and today I really do have a peace about the situation. The tumor is actually above the muscle, which means that it is easily accessible. In fact the incision will only be about 1 inch in length. The tumor appears to be smooth on Sonogram and that could mean that it’s benign. However, due to my history and the latest PET Dr. Hampe says, “it is worrisome” and is not giving me a choice on this one. In his words, “This will be coming out.” He is a soft-spoken man and truly to hear his conviction on this issue made it a simple decision for me to press forward with surgery even with out a needle biopsy. He feels strongly that even if it were benign it would still need to come out so why put me through the stress, and prolong what would need to happen anyway. I am fine with this decision and to be honest I want it taken out. The tumor will obviously be tested for cancer and if it is positive it will be sent over to the Mary Crowley Research Clinic for DNA analysis and most likely they will press forward with my case study and begin searching for a vaccine for this cancer. Who knows we could be looking back on this as a blessing one day as it might be the beginning of finding a cure for this cancer….

I will close by asking for your prayers for sweet baby Catherine and for my health.

Much love to each of you.

Lynn

Wednesday, January 4, 2006 6:34 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Seems my sweet radiologist Dr. Greenberg may have wanted to wait until the final draft came in on the PET, as the conclusions he shared w/ me Friday were preliminary and were not complete. The final conclusions indicate minor update in the axilla, and under the clavicle consistent w/ the Sept 20th CT Scan that indicated cancer (pre surgery).

This isn't great news but I am prayerful that the conclusions have an explanation. Often after surgery and/or radiation the body will have inflammation that can show up on a PET as an area of concern. They typically wait 2-3 months post treatment/surgery to order the PET. This is done to give the body a chance to heal, this typically reduces the chance that inflammation will show up on the PET. At this point we simply don't know if it's cancer or inflammation. Because we don't know which it is it raises concern for both the patient and the doctors. We waited 2 months post opt...maybe we should have waited three. Time will tell.

I met with my surgeon Dr. Kuhn this morning and he agreed that we should continue to watch and wait and re-order a follow up PET in 6-8weeks. Most likely it'll be 8 weeks to ensure that all possible inflammation will be gone and if we see an area of concern it will be indicative of cancer and nothing else.

He also said that the tumor they removed Oct 13 has been sent for genetic evaluation. He asked that I make an appt to meet with the director of Mary Crownley Research in 3 wks to discuss findings. I may wait until I have my next PET results so if there is a need to proceed w/ genetic therapy we'll be armed w/ that info.

So, where do I go from here? No place new. We just pray and wait and enjoy the next two months. I continue to feel better each day excluding my arm which continues to have increased symptoms of lymphedema. I am holding at appx 13% increased fluid on the right side but I had hoped that I'd respond to treatment and although I have increased range of motion, the swelling isn't going down.

Please pray about this issue, as it is heavy on my heart.

I am so grateful to all of you for your continued support. It amazes me that you all have "hung" in here with me continuing to offer prayers and words of encouragement. They mean more than you know.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Sunday, January 1, 2006 0:49 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Two Bloody Mary's, a glass of white wine, and a glass of champaign later I am journaling to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

And a Happy One indeed as I received news news that my PET IS CLEAR!! It shows no active cancer at this time!!! YIPPIE!!!! I RING in the new year cancer free for the first time in three years! Please pray that this health will continue through out 2006!

I love and apprecaiate all of you so very much! Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support.

Much love to all of you in 2006!!!!!

Lynn

p.s. no time to proof just time to sat "Good night".

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 7:50 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I trust you all had a WONDERFUL Christmas! As always our was seen through the eyes of our children. How blessed we are.

I am off to for a PET SCAN this morning at 9am and then for the second half of a root canal at 1pm. As my dear friend Holly says, "You sure do know how to have FUN!". HA!

Please pray that the PET goes perfectly. That the tech is able to find a vein easily for the injectable, that the machine works perfectly, and that the test can be read quickly so that I might get the test results ASAP (most likely Monday or Tuesday of next week.)

Have a blessed Wednesday,
Lynn

Saturday, December 24, 2005 12:39 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Sit back and grab a cup of hot cocoa this precious Christmas Eve as this post is a bit long winded. HA!

My dear friend Holly sent me an e-mail with a poem that I had read before on the butterfly and its struggles. I might have even posted it last year, but it is wonderful and I felt led to present it to each of you. I hope you’ll love it as much as I did.

One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body thru that little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared that it got as far as it could and could not go any farther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a withered body, was tiny, and had shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected at any moment to see the wings open, enlarge, and expand, and be able to support the butterfly’s body and its body would become firm.

Neither happened. In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and its struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly to its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not have been as strong as we could have been. Never be able to fly.

I asked God for Strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom, and God gave me the problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity, God have me the brain and brawn to be able to work.

I asked for Courage, God gave me the obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love, God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors, God gave me opportunities.

“I received nothing I wanted….but received everything I needed.”

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.

Isn’t that always the case? … Aren’t we always looking for life to be simple? To minimize the pain we feel. If it were up to me I’d rather not have cancer. I am sure you’d rather not be dealing with health issues, marital issues, problems with your children, or jobs. We all love for life to be easy and breezy… Or would we?

If you take the time to look back at the most difficult times in your life chances are that is the time you grew the most. I know that is the case for me. I am not the person I was at 32. A part of me mourns for that time, I almost can’t remember what it feels like to not have cancer, but mostly I am thankful for all that cancer has given me; The Love of my Lord Jesus Christ, a relationship with my husband and children that would be greatly different but for cancer, and for the depth of the relationships that I’ve gained in the past two years.

That said, I must admit that over the past few weeks it has been a struggle to maintain a “happy heart” in the midst of all that we’ve endured since September. Over the past two plus year that we’ve been dealing with cancer we’ve done our best to try and remain positive ~ this year it has been more challenging for me. I seem to have fatigued of this “cancer saga”.

I have been blessed this week to be able to go back to physical therapy. I say blessed because my body, more specifically my arm, needed to get some relief from lymphedema and soreness from surgery recovery. But more than that my P.T. is a very spiritual woman that takes the 60 minutes we share together to talk not only about my physical aches and pains, but my emotional ones as well. She forces me to address feelings that I would rather not deal with; such as anger, fatigue, sadness, and fear. I have mentioned that this year has been different; she reminded me that I haven’t been journaling. She asked about feelings of anger, and then reminded me that I need to discuss these concerns with my family and friends. When we tackled fear she opened my eyes to the fact that I haven’t opened my bible in weeks. I have been praying, but not seeking answers.

Why do we do these things? Why do we expect a neon sign to be placed at our door when God is talking to us each and everyday if we are open to his word? A friend of mine mentioned that often during her struggles she feels very close to the Lord, and other times she feels very distant. One day it occurred to her that it wasn’t the Lord that became distant but rather she herself had drifted. Why is it that we drift from the Lord at times when we need him the most? I don’t have the answer. I wish that I did.

What I do know is that God places people, friends, in our lives to remind us that we are drifting and that he desperately wants us back. We can choose to listen, or continue to drift. Chances are if you continue to drift your fear, anger, and frustration will grow as mine did. There is a Christian song that sings, “Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wanter Lord I feel it; prone to leave the Lord I love. Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy court above”.

Don’t you just wish we could do that once and for all just have him take our heart and hold them so close that we couldn’t drift from his loving arms. I do. Alas it is our choice to maintain our relationship with our Lord. Like my friend, there are days that he feels so close. Those are the days that I feel that I can conquer the world, beat cancer, and live to see my grandchildren go to college. On those days that my walk is not as steady, and he seems so distant, those are the days that I am thankful that he puts each of you here in my life to draw me back to him, to his strength.

He clearly has but me on this earth for a reason. I am convinced that there is a purpose to this cancer and I am recommitted to uncovering that purpose and fulfilling that goal.

My prayer for you this Christmas season is that you’ll draw near to him. If you are aching for any reason my prayer is that you’ll turn to him for comfort and guidance…let me be that friend that draws you back to him today.

Merry Christmas and God Bless Each of You!
Lynn

Friday, December 23, 2005 10:14 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Sit back and grab a cup of hot cocoa this precious Christmas Eve as this post is a bit long winded. HA!

My dear friend Holly sent me an e-mail with a poem that I had read before on the butterfly and its struggles. I might have even posted it last year, but it is wonderful and I felt compelled to present it to each of you. I hope you’ll love it as much as I did. It brought up a lot of questions that I felt led to post.

One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body thru that little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared that it got as far as it could and could not go any farther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a withered body, was tiny, and had shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected at any moment to see the wings open, enlarge, and expand, and be able to support the butterfly’s body and its body would become firm.

Neither happened. In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and its struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly to its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not have been as strong as we could have been. Never be able to fly.

I asked God for Strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom, and God gave me the problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity, God have me the brain and brawn to be able to work.

I asked for Courage, God gave me the obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love, God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors, God gave me opportunities.

“I received nothing I wanted….but received everything I needed.”

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.

Isn’t that always the case? … Aren’t we always looking for life to be simple? To minimize the pain we feel. If it were up to me I’d rather not have cancer. I am sure you’d rather not be dealing with health issues, marital issues, problems with your children, or jobs. We all love for life to be easy and breezy… wouldn't we? Or would we?

If you take the time to look back at the most difficult times in your life chances are that is the time you grew the most. I know that is the case for me. I am not the person I was at 32. A part of me mourns for that time, I almost can’t remember what it feels like to not have cancer, but mostly I am thankful for all that cancer has given me; The Love of my Lord Jesus Christ, a relationship with my husband and children that would be greatly different but for cancer, and for the depth of the relationships that I’ve gained in the past two years.

That said, I must admit that over the past few weeks it has been a struggle to maintain a “happy heart” in the midst of all that we’ve endured since September. Over the past two plus year that we’ve been dealing with cancer we’ve done our best to try and remain positive ~ this year it has been more challenging for me. I seem to have fatigued of this “cancer saga”.

I have been blessed this week to be able to go back to physical therapy. I say blessed because my body, more specifically my arm, needed to get some relief from lymphedema and soreness from surgery recovery. But more than that my P.T. is a very spiritual woman that takes the 60 minutes we share together to talk not only about my physical aches and pains, but my emotional ones as well. She forces me to address feelings that I would rather not deal with; such as anger, fatigue, sadness, and fear. I have mentioned that this year has been different; she reminded me that I haven’t been journaling. She asked about feelings of anger, and then reminded me that I need to discuss these concerns with my family and friends. When we tackled fear she opened my eyes to the fact that I haven’t opened my bible in weeks. I have been praying, but not seeking answers.

Why do we do these things? Why do we expect a neon sign to be placed at our door when God is talking to us each and everyday if we are open to his word? A friend of mine mentioned that often during her struggles she feels very close to the Lord, and other times she feels very distant. One day it occurred to her that it wasn’t the Lord that became distant but rather she herself had drifted. Why is it that we drift from the Lord at times when we need him the most? I don’t have the answer. I wish that I did.

What I do know is that God places people, friends, in our lives to remind us that we are drifting and that he desperately wants us back. We can choose to listen, or continue to drift. Chances are if you continue to drift your fear, anger, and frustration will grow as mine did. There is a Christian song that sings, “Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wanter Lord I feel it; prone to leave the Lord I love. Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy court above”.

Don’t you just wish we could do that once and for all just have him take our heart and hold them so close that we couldn’t drift from his loving arms. I do. Alas it is our choice to maintain our relationship with our Lord. Like my friend, there are days that he feels so close. Those are the days that I feel that I can conquer the world, beat cancer, and live to see my grandchildren go to college. On those days that my walk is not as steady, and he seems so distant, those are the days that I am thankful that he puts each of you here in my life to draw me back to him, to his strength.

He clearly has but me on this earth for a reason. I am convinced that there is a purpose to this cancer and I am recommitted to uncovering that purpose and fulfilling that goal.

My prayer for you this Christmas Season is that you’ll draw near to him. If you are aching for any reason my prayer is that you’ll turn to him for comfort and guidance…let me be that friend that draws you back to him today.

Merry Christmas and God Bless Each of You!
Lynn

Monday, December 19, 2005 3:45 PM CST

My Friends and Family,

I don't know about you, but as I go through my busy days preparing for Christmas it is easy to become so focused on my own personal goals that I forget that there are those that can not afford to put a meal on the table, a gift under the tree, or $4.95 in their gas tank.

A friends send me the below story and it so touched my heart I felt compelled to pass it along to each of you.

I will close with this prayer, "Lord, I pray that you would lay it on our hearts to remember to help those who can't help themselves this Christmas".

God Bless You.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn Newman

Subject: Good Story

Psalm 55:22
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

This was written by a Hospice of Metro Denver physician ..

I just had one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and wanted to
share it with my family and dearest friends:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on
Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely
managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be
blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow
truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a
woman walking out of the "quickie mart" building, and it looked like she
slipped on some ice and fell into a Gas pump, so I got out to see if she was
okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than
that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with
dark circles under her eyes She dropped something as I helped her up, and I
picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the
ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car
seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying
"I don't want my kids to see me crying," so we stood on the other side of
the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that
things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?"
That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a
crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me."

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she
could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the
next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates
for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car,
who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and
talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend left
2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she
wouldn't have money to pay
rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with
whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said
she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they
were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live
there.

I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for
safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you
like an angel or something?"

This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year angels
are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course,
you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home
with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect
the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter
of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He
shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless,
especially for the months in 2005, and I picked you.

Please pass this to four people you want to be blessed and a copy back to
me.

This prayer is powerful and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one
another.

Here is the prayer:

"Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives
and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your
love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this
very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where
there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In
Jesus' precious name. Amen."

Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:30 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you all for your continued prayers and uplifting messages, they mean so much!

I am sorry for not posting last night, our flight was 2 hours late due to weather in Houston and the night just got away from me. As if that isn’t reason enough for posting, Holly, Kathy and I are off in 15 minutes to enjoy an evening with some dear friends in the neighborhood that we used to have a monthly Bunko night with, but now that our kids are in school homework and night-time bedtime schedules have taken the place of a night w/ the girls. As a result I haven’t seen many of these sweet ladies in months (which is awful since we all live in the same neighborhood!).

That said, I will give you the readers digest of what I learned yesterday at MD Anderson. I am NOT going to participate in the Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT) Breast Cancer Study. Here is why:

· 2/3 of the 232 that have participated in the study did not respond to the BMT and still have breast cancer.
· 30% did respond. Meaning that after 2 years they are still cancer free.
· Of the 30% that did respond and were cancer free at 2 yrs post BMT only 45% of those subjects were cancer free at 5yrs post BMT (only 13% of the original 232 candidates).
· I would have to relocate to Houston and be put into isolation for 2-3months (that alone is a deal breaker!)
· The chemo they would give me is 10X’s more lethal than the doses I’ve already had. This exposes me to liver cancer, Leukemia, Lymphoma, and skin cancer down the road.
· 10 years ago studies were done on just this hypothesis and subjects then did not show any increase in life expectancy due to the BMT thus it is no longer offered as a protocol for breast cancer. MDA has increased the amt of Chemo given exponentially and they are re-testing what Dr’s already disproved years ago.

Seems like a LOT of downside for a 13% chance that it might work 5+ years post BMT considering they cannot find any evidence of disease in my body at this point.

I will say that I am glad that I went. It was so very clear when my mother in law and I were there that this was not my path. Had it not been for Lizzie, and Kenny’s generous offer to give us 2 SWAirline tickets I probably wouldn’t have gone and I’d always have wondered if I should have explored this options. Now I have and I know 100% it is not for me. It is amazing how the Lord provides for us isn’t it? We prayed for answers and they came through loud and clear. For that I am so grateful.

I would ask that you continue to pray for a cure, and for the lymphedema in my right arm; it has started to act up (bummer I know). I was able to go back to PT on Wed and it measured 13% larger than my left arm. I was able to be seen by my old PT today (Leslie) she is wonderful and my confidence in her is great. She is such a blessing.

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!
Merry Christmas!!
Much love to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. Gotta run…no time to proof…sorry for any typo’s J

Saturday, December 10, 2005 5:49 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I find myself in the awkward position of feeling the need to apologize for not posting with the same frequency as I once did. I am not exactly sure why, but this year I’ve handled this re-occurrence differently that I did last year. I am uncertain if I’d define it as better or worse, just different.

Last year, when I had the first reoccurrence and this website was set up, I felt compelled to journal almost daily (my health permitting). Interestingly when I journal I do find that I have more clarity, and often with that comes peace. So why is it that I haven’t been as faithful in journaling this year? I don’t have a good answer. I didn’t say I didn’t have an answer; it just isn’t a good one. This year I guess I am just more frustrated than I was last year, and as a result I find that my desire to write about it has diminished.

If I am honest, I am frustrated that we are STILL dealing with cancer. Frustrated that I have a reason to continue to post on this site. Frustrated that we can’t be the family that can simply enjoy the Holidays because Dave and I are faced with making a life altering decision about a bone marrow transplant instead of spending our time writing Christmas cards to our loved ones about how the kids are enjoying their sports, and school. I suppose that I am resistant to post those frustrations. Naturally when one takes the time to journal in this forum it forces reflection. Often times those feelings are not necessarily feelings you’d like to admit, or deal with. It is difficult to admit that I am frustrated because if it were not for this one overwhelming aspect our life is pretty darn near perfect. I have been blessed enormously with my faith, family, an amazing husband, two healthy wonderful kids, and friends that pray for my health, peace and sanity at times that I can’t even acknowledge that I need those prayers. Truly the Lord has given me so much. That said, it seems incredibly selfish to be angry that I have cancer when everything else is so good. But the truth is that it is hard to fully appreciate all those blessings when the fog of cancer invades each and every day.

The thought that this might be as healthy as I get is maddening Trying to make sense of the choices the doctors are putting in front of me right now is incredibly overwhelming. I often try and loose myself in every life, but inevitably the decisions that need to be made invade those precious moments and I am forced to think about the choices that are in front of me? Do I move forward and pray that the cancer won’t return if I “wait and watch”? What if I choose that path and it does return…could I forgive myself for choosing the easier path? Or do I undergo a bone marrow transplant when we really don’t know if any cancer remains in my body? The thought of loosing all my hair again, being subjected to the transplant seems awful! Everything in me is screaming, “Don’t do it! This isn’t the right choice”. Do I go with that gut feeling? I don’t know….

These are the decisions that plague me right now. These are the decisions that I have to make in the next couple of weeks and the thought terrifies me. I don’t know what the right choice is.

What I do know is that I need more information. As such my dear friends Liz and Kenny have generously offered to give us some Southwest Air Miles that will allow me to travel on Wednesday of next week to meet with the Bone Marrow Transplant division at MD Anderson. I am so thankful to you both, this day trip will allow me to miss only the time the kids are at school, plus a couple extra hours instead of two days of driving to Houston and back. My prayer is that this trip will offer us answers. Answers that will help me make this decision. I boldly ask for your prayers for guidance on this issue, as well as complete healing. In the past I have asked that specific prayers be answered; for example, that the surgery would go well, the nurses be compassionate etc. If I am completely honest what I want more than anything is just to be healed. As such my prayer is that God would lead me to the answers I need to make this happen. If it means that I need to find peace and simply wait and watch, or if the answer is a bone marrow transplant….so be it. My prayer is that the path becomes clear.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support they mean more than you could possibly know.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, November 28, 2005 9:02 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

First let me say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my SWEET GIRL!!

It is 8:47pm and Dave and I have successfully made it back from MDA. It was a LONG day! We took off for the airport at 10:00am for an 11:30am flight. I had blood work from 1:30-2pm and then we headed off to explore for a couple of hours (that is when I originally posted today). At 3:45pm we were taken back for my 4pm appt with Dr. Bull….or so I thought!

I was informed as I walked back to the room that I was going to be seen by 9 doctors (including Dr. Bull). Each of them had reviewed my case but needed to visit with me and examine my….umm…”girls” HA! Can you imagine flashing 9 docs OH MY GOSH I was so embarrassed! But I digress…

After visiting with the nice docs they left and had a “pow-wow” about my case in the hall an then Dr. Bull came back with the following news.

NO CHEMO!!! YES!

They see no cancer present at this time. To be honest this is not surprising, as when cancer cells are very small they will not show up on CT/MRI and even PET until they get to a certain size. That is what happened in my May vs. Sept PET Scan it was simply too small to be picked up.

However given that they can not find anything and I’ve undergone all the radiation I can have, and have already had the Big Guns of A/C, Taxotere, and Xeloda she was NOT AT ALL comfortable recommending any chemo at this time. In her words we may need that in the future and if we use it now it won’t be available to us when we actually need it. (Not too reassuring I know…) But I am choosing to focus on the fact that they couldn't find any cancer.

However, these nine docs did have one “out of the box” recommendation that they’d like me to consider. A bone marrow transplant. Apparently there is recent research that indicates that when ones own immune system isn’t able to fight off cancer cells a patient can undergo a bone marrow transplant that would basically “beef up” their immune system so that they’d be able to fight off cancer cells that most people kill off everyday. One can’t do this when they actually have a solid cancer tumor growing in their body so if I chose to do this I’d have to do is soon as she made it clear that my type of cancer seems to like to come back once a year and in six months it might not be an option.

To be honest she wasn’t able to speak to the theory any more than I’ve described above. She asked us to come back and meet with the specialist to learn more about it and then consider it. Dave is encouraging me to “seek out information” so I am up for that, but I am not at all sure that I will choose this path. I think it is something that deserves a lot of prayer (so I’ll ask that from all of us o.k.).

To recap, praise that they didn’t see any active growing cancer currently. Praise for NO CHEMO!! Pray for clarity re: the bone marrow transplant.

Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement they mean more than you know.

Whoo Hoo no Chemo!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, November 28, 2005 2:21 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry it has been a while since my last post. Lift at the Newman's has been a bit crazy. Jacob came down with the Croupe (SP?) and that took us to the ER Monday night at 1am. We had an adventure at the Cowboys vs. Broncos NFL football game on Thanksgiving day. Jacob was in his glory, even called the OT in the 3rd quarter. Taylor on the other had started to get a head ache and sore throat so all she wanted to do was go HOME! We took her the Dr. the next am and she has Strep Throat (go figure...sweet girl).

Today is Taylor's 8th Birthday (feel free to wish her a cyber birthday greeting). You may recall that puts Dave and I at MD Anderson as I type. We have already had my blood work done and we had some down time so I hopped on line to say hello.

Our appt with Dr. Bull is at 4pm. I'll let you know what we find out.

A big Thank You to our dear friend Don Halverson who picked Dave and I up at the Airport and dropped us at MDA...you are so dear.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

p.s. no time to spell check...hope this isn't full of type o's.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 9:47 AM CST

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Hold On Tightly To What Is Truly Important In Life

Hold on to faith: it is the source of our believing that all things are possible. It is the fiber and strength of our confident souls which pulls us together.

Hold on to hope: it banishes our doubts and enables our attitudes to remain positive and cheerful.

Hold on to trust: it is the core of our fruitful relationships that are secure, happy, content and at peace with ourselves and each other.

Hold on to love: it is life's greatest and most treasured and valuable gifts of all, for it shares, cares and gives total meaning to our lives.

Hold on to your family and friends: they area the most important people in our lives and they make the world a much better place. Our family and friends are our roots--the beginnings that we grew from and they are the continuous vines that have grown through our life time to
nourish us, help us on our way, always remain close to our hearts and souls.

Hold on to all that you are and all that you have learned in life: these things are what makes us the unique people that we are. Do not ignore what you feel and what you believe is right and important because your heart has a special way of speaking louder than your mind.

Hold on to your dreams and achieve them diligently and honestly: never take the easy way or surrender to deceit.
Remember others and your loved ones during your travels in life and care for their needs.

Enjoy the beauty around you: have the courage to see things differently and clearly and also with an open mind.

Make the world a better place one day at a time: do not let go of the imporant things that truly give meaning to your life - your family and your friends!

May the Power of the Spirit remain in our hearts and souls forever!

Best Wishes to each of you during this special time of the year and may we truly realize and appreciate the many endless blessings that God has given to us!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Gobble, Gobble :0)
Much Love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:57 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I just walked out of my CT of the Ab/chest/pelvis OH WHAT FUN! I have a couple of hours until my MRI of the brain. They currently have an IV sticking out of my left arm that is really hurting so I'll make this brief.

Dave took off about 3:30pm..UGGH! I miss him already. Somehow things don't feel as scary, long when he is here. But I am totally fine. I am enjoying my music and I'll be done before I know it and enjoy my drive home tomorrow.

Please pray for safe travels.

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 5:18 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Day TWO at MD Anderson went as well as one could expect under the circumstances. I checked in for my blood work at 10am. At10:30am I went over to the diagnostic center so that I could receive my radioactive injection. After I received the injection I had to wait two hours for it to flow through my body before I could have my bone scan. At 12:30pm I was promptly taken back for my bone scan and it went perfectly. At 1:30pm I was taken back for my 2pm X-Ray (YES this is not a type O¡KI was actually taken back early! Unheard of I know!!) By 2:06pm Dave and I were walking to our car. YIPPIE! Huge answered prayers today as all the tests went as they should.

By 2:30pm we were enjoying a late lunch and by 3:30 we were shopping at Rice Village..what fun!

I do have an update regarding my CT of the Abdomen. Pat, Dr. Bulls sweet scheduler was able to pull some strings and move my CT to tomorrow at 2pm. This was GREAT news¡K.wait I am not done. Dr. Bull decided she wanted to order an MRI of my brain. For those that remember I just had one three weeks ago after I had the vision problem post op. It came back clear, but in true MDA fashion they want to order their own. This would be fine but sweet Pat was able to pull some strings and get it scheduled for tomorrow at 9pm! WHAT?? Who does MRI¡¦s at 9pm???? I guess I do at MDA anyway. UGGH! That means that I have to stay here in Houston tonight, which is fine I get to have another night w/ Dave and that is a blessing, but I will have to walk by myself to my car around 10pm and drive to my hotel for the night in the scary part of Houston (which is weird b/c MDA is actually very nice but a mere mile and a half down the road¡Knot so much¡Kodd I know.)

That said I have one very specific prayer request. Please pray that there is an opening at the Rotary House Hotel. This facility is directly tied to MDA with a walkway right off the building. It is wonderful. We tried to book there originally but they were full. I am hoping that someone will be lucky enough to go home tomorrow that might have booked for a week. Please pray that this happens. I have been on the waiting list for two weeks and they haven¡¦t called but maybe that will change tomorrow. I hope so!

Also, please pray for safe travels as I drive home by myself from Houston to Dallas on Thursday morning. It will be fine and I am certain that I¡¦ll enjoy the quiet time I just hope for good weather and NO FLAT TIRES eeek! That would not be good ƒº

It is 5:30pm and it has been stormin¡¦ in Houston for the past two hours. Hopefully it¡¦ll pass soon so Dave and I can go get some dinner w/o getting drenched. Hee Hee.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and to those that posted, thank you so much your words of encouragement are so appreciated.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, November 14, 2005 10:22 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 9:30pm as I sit and type this letter this evening. It has been a long, long, long (did I say long) day but we have made it to our hotel and we are starting to unwind.

Our day started out normal enough, we got the kids off to school at 7:40am, then Dave and I hit the road to begin our travel to Houston. It was a rocky start, we sat in bumper to bumper traffic for over an hour. It may not sound like much, sixty minutes of your day, just an hour…no big deal. It may not be until one realizes that we traveled 12 miles in that time. UGGH! Considering we had an appt at MD Anderson that we had to get to we both got a bit frustrated after 40 minutes, by 60 minutes we turned off the music and just complained together! HA! We are such goof balls!

We ended up making great time after we got out of downtown Dallas and onto the I-45 heading straight for Houston. Well... except for the fact that both of us needed a Starbucks Coffee to wake us up and get us out of our funk. Of course we also needed Gas and you know Dave he likes to multi-task so we went through three towns before we found one that had a Starbucks right next to a Gas Station. I have to admit that I was getting a bit nervous because we were down to >30miles left of gas (he promised that we’d stop for Gas by 20miles if we hadn’t found a Starbucks) fortunately with 25miles left of gas we had found the promised land of Ennis or Ellis or something (YES it was that memorable…but they meet our needs with a smile, a latte, gas and the world was good again. HA!)

We finally rolled into Houston at 1pm. We didn’t have to check in until 2:30pm so we parked our car and proceeded upstairs at MD Anderson to find a lovely Café. Both Dave and I ordered a Chicken/Cheese Quesadilla. Sounds healthy enough right? NOT in Houston they do things right and it was greasy, filled with all sorts of things that I am sure are NOT on my bland diet or Dave’s Atkins HA! To make things worse they did NOT serve Pepsi!! UGGH! Thank Goodness for ICED TEA! Hee Hee…we were so hungry that we both partook, and subsequently paid the price later !

After lunch we checked into new patient registration. To my surprise they were VERY efficient. We were an hour early but they took us right back. After registration a very nice lady by the name of Dorothy who is the Senior Patient Affairs Specialist for MDA came by to speak to us. She had been called by Mr. Allison (he is the Chairman of Anadarko & is on the Board of Directors for MD Anderson ~ he is also the brother of my sweet neighbor Susan) he made a few calls on my behalf and was responsible for getting the ball rolling for me to get an appt at MDA, he also called Dorothy directly so that she could help us navigate the system at MDA. She is wonderful! We fully intend to call her in the morning to see if she can help us reschedule/work with my Doctor to see if she’ll let us order the CT of the Abdomen in Dallas instead of staying in Houston thru Friday.

Okay so that was the GOOD part of the trip. Now let me fill you in on the more challenging parts. I will preface this by saying that God blessed us greatly as we had safe travels, great music, terrific talks and an opportunity to meet Dorothy so all and all it was a good day. However, here was the more challenging parts that could overshadow all the above if we choose to let it. After checking in we were taken back to our room at 3:45pm my doctor finally walked into our room at 5:30pm UGGH! I had heard that this was not uncommon but it is still hard to wait. At one point Dave had enough and decided to take it upon himself to hop on MD Andersons computer that they have in each room. He answered all his e-mail at work, read the Dredge report, surfed the net for Dallas Cowboy “stuff” for Jacob for Christmas. HA! It was hysterical! I kept warning him every time I heard the Dr. so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed (which he quickly reminded me that he would NOT be…but I would HA!)

After waiting for nearly TWO hours to be seen Dr. Joan Bull arrived and couldn’t be a more personable doctor. She was kind, even humorous. She had me replay the past 2.5yrs of cancer in my own words (of course she already had all the info from my files so this seemed kinda silly…but she was nice so I didn’t mind). Here is the kicker. She wouldn’t give me her opinion until I finished all the tests she wanted to run. So off I go tomorrow ALL DAY long for tests, this is fine I expected that. However, they have me doing nothing all day Wed and NOTHING until Thursday at 5:30 when I check in for PREP for a 7pm (YES PM!) CT of the Abdomen. WHAT?? We plan to be here for tests all day tomorrow (Tues) but we are going to buck the system and request that she order the CT Abdomen to be done in Dallas as she can not see us again until Monday 11/28 (she only see’s patients on Mondays and she wants to take my case to committee to discuss it with 21 other Oncologists. They only meet on Tuesdays so b/w those two variables I can’t see her for recommendations until 11/28…do you want to hear the kicker?? That is Taylor’s 8th birthday! UGHH!!!! This place is killing me!) I know she’ll understand but my goodness she shouldn’t have to. This is what kills me about this disease it doesn’t care about birthdays, holidays, vacations….it has to take precedence over all of them. If one has any hope of beating this disease you have to act, you can forfeit appts and push them back but at what risk? I feel like I have to draw a line and this line is at the expense of my sweet girl and it just breaks my heart.

So, after a VERY long day we checked into our hotel at 6:30pm and were sitting down to dinner at 7pm. If you know our family this is UNHEARD of. We never eat this late. But such is life…Dave and I enjoyed a nice dinner and headed back to our hotel. It is now 10:30 as I finish this post and I am tired. I am gearing up for a long day of testing.

I do have some prayer requests. Please pray that all my tests go as planned tomorrow. That they are timely, done with precision, and that we will be working with caring nurses and techs (they can make or break your visit). As much as I hate to wait I will say that MD Anderson has extremely kind staff so far. This is so appreciated. Pray that we can go home tomorrow night, which of course means that we need to pray for approval from Dr. Bull that she will let me have my CT in Dallas. Pray for safe travels home.

Finally, pray for Taylor’s sweet heart that somehow I will find the words to make it ok that I will be in Houston for her B-Day. We of course will be celebrating it the day before as a family but I would normally bring cupcakes to school etc. and make it a big deal on her special day….therein lies my heart ache.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and words of encouragement.
Much love to all of you,
Lynn

p.s. it is late and I don’t have time to proof read so please forgive any type O’s.

Monday, November 7, 2005 2:37 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. We have had a busy, fun filled, “normal” weekend. Taylor and Jacob had three birthday parties to attend this weekend. Their social calendars are to be envied by many I am sure. HA! They attended our dear friend and neighbor Deegan’s 4th birthday (Kathy’s little boy), Taylor’s friend Sydney’s 8th birthday (Jenny Gwynn’s daughter), and Jacob’s friend Lauren’s 6th birthday. A great time was had by all! By 6pm Sunday evening both kids were bouncing off the walls from sugar overload! Eeek!

Holly and Todd returned from a long weekend in Mexico. A much-deserved celebration as Todd’s company merged with another larger company; this was a celebratory event for sure. Holly said she had a nice time; she even stayed at the same hotel as Susan Lucci from All My Children. She restrained herself and did not ask for a picture or an autograph. Hmmm…this is kinda sounding like a “Fish Tale Story” …. “It was 10feet long if it was an inch” HA! Holly said she was beautiful, classy, and Oh so petit! What FUN. We are glad you are home safe and sound dear friends…we MISSED you!

The only news I have on the Cancer “front” is that my case did NOT go to the Cancer Tumor Board at Baylor as scheduled last Thursday. The good news is the reason I was “bumped” was that my blood work that was run on Tuesday came back and indicated that my POST-Opt circulating cancer cells were ZERO! HUGE praise! My doctor actually spoke to Dave and you know how I hate second hand info but here is what I got from Dave. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all the cancer is gone; however it does indicate that if cancer is still present it is staying put as no circulating cancer cells are floating in my bloodstream. That is a huge praise!

As you may remember I am set to go to MD Anderson on Monday (11/14), as such the next time my case can come up for review at the Baylor Tumor conference is another 3.5wks. Oh well, it is what it is…I’ve waited this long for information I can certainly wait another 3 ½ wks for Baylor’s opinion.

I am off to go pick up Taylor and Jacob from school. It is a balmy 82 degrees in Dallas so I am certain we will be hanging in the cul-de-sac this afternoon. I can’t wait!

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Thursday, November 3, 2005 9:38 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that it has been a while since my last post. Life has been a little crazy but I think we are turning a corner and we should have a fairly “normal” 9-10 days a head of us.

The Sock Hop was Friday night and it was FABULOUS! It really couldn’t have gone much better. We had a few crazy moments the day of the event and even leading up to the kick off of the event but ultimately everything worked out and we had an AMAZING turn out and the kids (and adults) had the best time! We’ve already been asked by many kids, “Can you PLEASE plan another Sock Hop?” Oh, they are so precious!

Jacob had his last soccer game on Saturday. He finished the season out with a bang as he scored another “Hat Trick” (3 goals)! Yippee…Ice Cream all around! It was terrific! He is looking forward to starting Basketball next week with his buddies! I can’t wait.

Taylor continues to LOVE her Art Class and Tennis. We lost our Tennis coach at the club so she’ll have to take a short break until they find a replacement…but she’ll be delighted to start back up as soon as possible.

O.k. so now that you’ve heard the fun part of the Newman home life, let me take a minute to update you on my recovery and future treatments.

Recovery seems to be slow but steady. Each day I have a little less pain and a little more energy, which is a blessing. I will admit that Saturday and Sunday were difficult days in terms of pain and emotions as I think the human mind gets to a point where you just want to feel “normal” again post surgery…unfortunately the human body needs time to recover. It is a delicate balancing act to reconcile those two realities and Sunday I didn’t balance them well at all. However, with the help of my loving husband, children and dear friends I made it thru my funk and Monday was much brighter! Holly and I met for a work out Monday and Tuesday and it was only with her encouragement that I made it thru both classes (Yippee! I always feel better if I get to the gym 3-4 days a week….so I am half way there this week. J)

For those of you that remember Dr. Stokoe ordered a F.I.S.H. test last week to be run on the tumor they removed Oct 13th of this year. This is a test that drills down and determines via a rating system of 1-5 if a tumor has the HER/2nu gene and if it comes back as 3, 4 or 5 a patient would be a candidate for Herceptine. My tumor was <2. As such, I am NOT a candidate for Herceptin. Although this is a bummer this is what we expected as it is consistent w/ the past 2 years breast cancer tumors.

I met with Dr. Greenberg last week and I am NOT able to receive any add’l Radiation treatments due to the proximity of the tumor to the nerve that controls my right arm/shoulder/hand as it would most likely cause paralysis.

That said, where do we go from here?

My case is being presented at a breast cancer conference at Baylor University Medical Center tomorrow at 6:30am. They will be reviewing my tumors from '03, '04 and '05 as well as the specifics of the treatments I have received to date. From that data discussion will be had and we hope that there will be a consensus regarding recommendations for future treatments. I hope to hear back by Friday what their suggestions are.

In addition, I have an appt November 14th at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX at 3:30pm. I will most likely be there all week w/ add'l testing etc and hope to hear their recommendations by 11/18.

That said, Dr. Stokoe (my Oncologists) is recommending two Chemo Drugs:
· Gemzar
· Carboplatin
He is suggesting that I take 4 rounds of each, & it is given in 4-week cycles. Day one I take a ½ dose of Gemzar. Day 8 I take the other ½ dose of Gemzar and a full dose of Carboplatin. I then would have 2wks off; then start it all over for Round #2 and so on for a total of 4 rounds = 16 weeks. The side affects are many including hair thinning (most likely but in some cases hair loss…I can’t go there right now so I am choosing not to dwell on the side affects yet.) However I have heard that some tolerate both drugs just fine…if I have to take them I will pray that will be the case for me.

I will with hold my judgment regarding this recommendation until I receive the decisions from both Baylor and MD Anderson. If all three sources draw the same conclusions then I will be signing up for 4 add’l rounds of chemo. I will admit that the thought of add’l chemo doesn’t excite me as I swore I would never do chemo again. Although when I said that I thought this cancer was in remission! As my loving husband often reminds me, “One day at a time!” Indeed….

I hope all is well with you and your families!
Much love to you,
Lynn

Wednesday, November 2, 2005 4:24 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that it has been a while since my last post. Life has been a little crazy but I think we are turning a corner and we should have a fairly “normal” 9-10 days a head of us.

The Sock Hop was Friday night and it was FABULOUS! It really couldn’t have gone much better. We had a few crazy moments the day of the event and even leading up to the kick off of the event but ultimately everything worked out and we had an AMAZING turn out and the kids (and adults) had the best time! We’ve already been asked by many kids, “Can you PLEASE plan another Sock Hop?” Oh, they are so precious!

Jacob had his last soccer game on Saturday. He finished the season out with a bang as he scored another “Hat Trick” (3 goals)! Yippee…Ice Cream all around! It was terrific! He is looking forward to starting Basketball next week with his buddies! I can’t wait.

Taylor continues to LOVE her Art Class and Tennis. We lost our Tennis coach at the club so she’ll have to take a short break until they find a replacement…but she’ll be delighted to start back up as soon as possible.

O.k. so now that you’ve heard the fun part of the Newman home life, let me take a minute to update you on my recovery and future treatments.

Recovery seems to be slow but steady. Each day I have a little less pain and a little more energy, which is a blessing. I will admit that Saturday and Sunday were difficult days in terms of pain and emotions as I think the human mind gets to a point where you just want to feel “normal” again post surgery…unfortunately the human body needs time to recover. It is a delicate balancing act to reconcile those two realities and Sunday I didn’t balance them well at all. However, with the help of my loving husband, children and dear friends I made it thru my funk and Monday was much brighter! Holly and I met for a work out Monday and Tuesday and it was only with her encouragement that I made it thru both classes (Yippee! I always feel better if I get to the gym 3-4 days a week….so I am half way there this week. J)

For those of you that remember Dr. Stokoe ordered a F.I.S.H. test last week to be run on the tumor they removed Oct 13th of this year. This is a test that drills down and determines via a rating system of 1-5 if a tumor has the HER/2nu gene and if it comes back as 3, 4 or 5 a patient would be a candidate for Herceptine. My tumor was <2. As such, I am NOT a candidate for Herceptin. Although this is a bummer this is what we expected as it is consistent w/ the past 2 years breast cancer tumors.

I met with Dr. Greenberg last week and I am NOT able to receive any add’l Radiation treatments due to the proximity of the tumor to the nerve that controls my right arm/shoulder/hand as it would most likely cause paralysis.

That said, where do we go from here?

My case is being presented at a breast cancer conference at Baylor University Medical Center tomorrow at 6:30am. They will be reviewing my tumors from '03, '04 and '05 as well as the specifics of the treatments I have received to date. From that data discussion will be had and we hope that there will be a consensus regarding recommendations for future treatments. I hope to hear back by Friday what their suggestions are.

In addition, I have an appt November 14th at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX at 3:30pm. I will most likely be there all week w/ add'l testing etc and hope to hear their recommendations by 11/18.

That said, Dr. Stokoe (my Oncologists) is recommending two Chemo Drugs:
· Genzar
· Carbo Platinum
He is suggesting that I take 4 rounds of each, & it is given in 4-week cycles. Day one I take a ½ dose of Genzar. Day 8 I take the other ½ dose of Genzar and a full dose of Carbo Platinum. I then would have 2wks off; then start it all over for Round #2 and so on for a total of 4 rounds = 16 weeks.

I will with hold my judgment regarding this recommendation until I receive the decisions from both Baylor and MD Anderson. If all three sources draw the same conclusions then I will be signing up for 4 add’l rounds of chemo. I will admit that the thought of add’l chemo doesn’t excite me as I swore I would never do chemo again. Although when I said that I thought this cancer was in remission! As my loving husband often reminds me, “One day at a time!” Indeed….

I hope all is well with you and your families!
Much love to you,
Lynn

Friday, October 28, 2005 7:23 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am “running and gunning” to get the kids out the door for school so I will be brief but I wanted to updated y’all about the past cpl days Dr. Appts. Here is what I know:

· The Ophthalmologist said my eyes are great. I have dry eyes syndrome that will be treated w/ drops but other than that all is terrific!
· Dr. Greenberg has determined after several tests including a CT and Radiation Simulator that I will NOT be able to endure any more radiation to the location of this year’s tumor. The tumor was simply too close to the nerve that controls the right arm and would most likely cause paralysis.
· Dr. Stokoe has ordered a F.I.S.H. test on the tumor they removed this year to determine the exact levels of HER2/Nu it will be rated 1-5. If is comes back 1 or 2 I will NOT be a candidate for Herceptine if it comes back 3-5 I will. Depending upon the results I will either have Herceptine OR 2 other forms of chemo in lieu of Herceptine if I am NOT a candidate. I won’t know this until next week.
· I am still trying to get an appt at MD Anderson for a 2nd opinion re: chemo ~ pray that this happens soon as I would like this info b/f I make a decision re: treatment.

It has been a crazy busy couple of days that I will enjoy posting about but I have 9 minutes and counting b/f we run out the door for school and the SOCK HOP is tonight at the kids school. Jenny Gwynn and I have been working on this party for three months! I can’t believe it is here! YIPPIE!!! Pray that all goes well, that the kids have a BLAST and that everyone stays safe to/from & at this huge party. I CAN’T WAIT!

P.S. To my dear friend Kathy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Much love to all of you. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers they mean more than you know!

Lynn

Sorry that I didn't get time to proof this...I hope it makes sense...HA!

Monday, October 24, 2005 9:13 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

One of these days I am certain that I will experience an average “boring” stay at home day…but today was not one of those days. I woke up feeling the soreness of surgery once again as I tried to continue my stubbornness of using only Tylenol to manage the pain post-surgery. I so wanted to be able to get to the gym and work out (legs only of course) but alas my body would not allow that to happen, the pain was just too great. So instead I decided to take a long hot shower to ease the pain. It helped some and it also loosened the steri-strips that covered my incision from surgery. Upon getting out of the shower I had my first glimpse of my incision ~ it was NOT GOOD! To be honest it was puffy in three areas, which concerned me as the surgeries that I had in 2003 & 2004 from Dr. Hampe my incisions were paper thin perfect…this one is a far cry from that. I panicked and called the surgeon Dr. Kuhn but he was in surgery so of course I called Dr. Hampe. His secretary placed a call to Dr. Kuhn and insisted that he see me today they called me back with a 1pm appt as she was concerned that I might have a hernia and if so it would require surgery! WHAT??? Are you kidding me! Now I am a RECK! Dave had a flight to CA for business and my car doesn’t have a navigation system and if any of you know me you know I can get lost anywhere I am off the Dallas Tollway so the thought of driving downtown Dallas to get to Baylor myself was not a good thought. But as is always the case God just took care of those details. Jenny Gwynn called me in the middle of all this ciaos and within five minutes she was at my door ready to take me to Baylor (in her fancy new ride I might add a hot new Infinity SUV…. A lovely car complete w/ Navigation system!) HA! Needless to say I am so blessed with family and friends that just take care of my every need. I am so grateful!

I was finally seen at 1:55pm and Dr. Kuhn informed me that the incision was not infected and certainly did not have a hernia. In fact it looked better than he expected considering the area was radiated last year. I guess when one has been spoiled with an amazing surgeon that closes with perfect lines his vision and my vision of healing nicely is very different. However, it was a blessing to be able to be seen today as Dr. Kuhn was in surgery and not scheduled to be in the office at all after surgery. He came in just to see me. For that I am grateful. He certainly was able to put to rest my fear of infection etc. He also advised me that the testing for pathology came back.

Here is what we know: Tumor is negative for ER and PR (estrogen and progesterone) MiB-1 High and HER2/neu protein positive.

I have been ER and PR negative all three years but this is the first year that tumor tested positive for HER2/neu protein. As such I am now a candidate for Herceptine a new drug that can dramatically reduce the chances of breast cancer re-occurrence in women that test positive for this protein. The tumor they removed tested “Focal weakly positive” but positive nonetheless so maybe this is my chance at kickin’ this cancers butt! HA! I sure hope so. At this point a decision has not been made if I will take Herceptine with or without add’l chemo. We are still gathering information. In fact my case will be presented at the Baylor Breast Cancer Conference in two weeks in an attempt to seek add’l opinions regarding add’l chemo. I’ll take if I have to but I’d rather not (two years is enough!) but I’ll do what ever it takes to give me the best chance at beating this disease.

So…. my husband is currently having dinner at the Ivy in Hollywood, CA with the President of Frito-Lay and DreamWorks! HA! I told him to tell Brad Pitt I said hello I understand that he and Jennifer used to like the Ivy! HA! Wish I was there with you my love…have fun!

Taylor and Jacob continue to amaze us all with their positive attitude towards this whole ordeal. I think once I got over the first few days of surgery Taylor’s fears were gone and now she is just concerned that she get the new American Girl Doll complete with sassy leopard outfit that she seems to think she needs for her birthday in November. She cracks me up. Grammie told Jacob tonight after dinner that she thought he needed to celebrate his birthday twice a year so he could get more gifts! WHAT? If I had my wits about me I would have said, “that’s a great idea we’ll RSVP to you for that party Grammie!” See what she stirs up!

Tomorrow I have a 9:30 am appt to see an Ophthalmologist to determine if my eyes are ok. Apparently chemo can be really hard on the eyes and Dr. Stokoe my Oncologist is concerned that might be the cause of Thursday’s night eye incidence. On Thursday I’ll be meeting with Dr. Greenberg (my Radiologist) to discuss potential radiation treatment. I will update you on both issues on Thursday.

Until then, Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and words of encouragement they mean so much.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, October 21, 2005 10:33 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I have been unable to post lately; it is not for lack of desire, but rather a lack of ability. Eight days ago I had surgery to remove the cancer that was present in my upper chest wall just below the center of my clavicle bone. Eight days ago I had cancer... today it sits in a jar in the pathology lab at Baylor Medical Center of Dallas! My prayer is that all of it sits there and that NO remaining cancer cells are present in my body! As our preacher Pete would say, “Can I get an AMEN!”? HA!

The past eight days have been filled with pain on a lot of different levels. Physical pain from the surgery, I continue to battle this recovery; but also emotional pain as we try to reconcile the loss of my dear friend Holly’s father John. Thank you for your prayers for them I have spoken to Holly briefly and the services were emotional & honoring, fit for such a good man who will be greatly missed.

As for my recovery it has been difficult. There are many details that I will choose not to share, as they are frustrating, sad, and not appropriate for this venue. However, I will tell you that after four extremely difficult days and Dr. Hampe changing my medicine I felt better on Tues and the early part of Wednesday. I started going down hill around 2:30pm yesterday and quickly worsened. I was put to bed (by my family) and told to rest from 3:00pm on. I did however continued to be plagued with dizziness and fatigue until 10:45 when the lights went out…at least in my right eye. About that time I had come in to check e-mail and the light from my screen was bothering my right eye so I literally covered with my hand and went back to our bedroom. I went to change a light bulb in a lamp in our bathroom and it hurt so I covered it once again. As I walked from my bathroom into my bedroom I noticed that I couldn’t really see out of my right eye. As I covered my left eye and looked only out of my right I could see the outline of the houses beyond the lake in our back yard but it was nearly dark. When I covered my right eye and looked only our of my left I could see perfectly. I quickly tested back and forth, back and forth and began to panic. Thru tear-filled eyes I woke up Dave who tried to calm my fears reminding me that I was on pain medicine and that I was very tired and it was most likely causing the problem. We prayed for peace, as I was very nervous. I took some sleeping medicine and prayed that all would be fine in the morning. When I woke up my eyes were fine except for some heaviness in my right eyelid. I decided not to continue with the pain meds and to stick to Tylenol and ice today in an attempt to fix the problem. As such today was a very hard day for pain. Around 3pm Dave called and asked if I had informed my docs about the incident…I hadn’t. He asked if I would and at 3:05 I made the call to Dr. Hampe... by 3:40pm I was admitted to the hospital for an emergency MRI of the Brain. At 4:15 David joined me from work and by 4:30 we were making our way down the hall for the test. Just after walking thru the doors we heard a knock (you need a code to enter the part of the hospital) Dave went to open the door and it was Dr. Hampe. I just LOVE this man! He is so dear. We spoke briefly and then the MRI tech took me back for my scan. Dr. Hampe proceeded to have a 45-minute conversation with David as I had my MRI (who does this…?AMAZING!! Love him!). I was o.k. with everything still assuming everything was fine until about the last 5 minutes of the test when they inject the contrast for some reason that triggered my nerves. I prayed for peace and it was granted almost immediately. As the tech told me the test was completed I opened my eyes and there was a mirror above me that allowed me to see her thru the window and then I saw Jesus. A small beautiful statue of him with open arms was present as I opened my eyes…tears immediatly streamed down the side of my face as she pulled me from the tube. She asked if I was o.k?, I said yes, I am just scared. To which she replied, “don’t be, you are fine… you precious girl”. I knew I was I had already seen it. But I will admit that somehow hearing it from her made it seem more real. Doctor Hampe told us to go home and he’d called immediately with the test results. As we walked in the door and I cleaned a scraped knee from my sweet girl (who had just fallen off a scooter as we turned the corner to the cul-de-sac) Dr. Hampe called, a radiologist reviewed my scan “100ine…we are good!” AMEN!!!!!

Dave told me to stop giving him gray hair!! HA! I’ll try my love.

I have a dozen stories that I could share with you but none that will bring more relief than this one. I will share that our prayers continue to be answered as on Wednesday when I got my drain out the surgeon Dr. Kahn absolutely could not believe that I was doing as well as I was Wed afternoon. This was a very hard surgery, one that he fully expects a long recovery from. I am still very much in recovery mode and I do have some minor lymphedema swelling that I will ask for yours prayers, but each day gets a little easier and for that I am grateful.

To each of you that prays, and for those sweet friends that post…THANK YOU! You will never know how encouraging your words and prayers are.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, October 17, 2005 9:39 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I wanted to sign in and say Thank you to all of you that have posted over the past five days pre-post surgery. I am still in a great deal of pain so typing is difficult. As such I will be brief. However, I wanted to tell you that God answered many prayers over the past five days not the least of which was my surgery going as well as it did…this is a HUGE praise! He continues to be faithful in lifting my spirits but mostly taking care of me through my friends, my loving husband David, Taylor, Jacob, Mom, Dad, my mother in love Gail, but mostly through an angel that goes by the name of Dr. Hampe. As many recall this was my surgeon for the last two years and he had to refer me this year because the location of the tumor was out of his specialty. Although he is not my surgeon he faithfully checks on me at times only God could know I need help the most. Today he called with no prompting three times each of them at times that I needed help, the last was dealing with my pain meds. He has helped me more than any doctor would, I am so blessed by this man. He is truly a Godsend.

That is enough about me. Yesterday my sweet Holly was given the news that God had taken her sweet Father, John McKay, home to be with him. This man was such a GOOD man. Kind, wonderful blue eyes with a smile that lit up a room. As my friend Holly told me this evening through tear filled eyes, “Dad has his smile back”. Yes he does my sweet friend. Please pray for Holly and her family (including her mother Charlotte and brother David). Pray for peace and comfort as the next few days will be difficult. I love you my dear friend!

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers they are SOOO…appreciated and much needed.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, October 13, 2005 9:12 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

You’ve heard the phrase – “I sure could you use a little good news today?” Well, we have some!! Praise God. What an honor to deliver the GOOD news to you wonderful readers. God is good…look what He did today:

Lynn finally went into surgery around 12:00 today (okay…so the wait since 5:00 a.m. was not fun…horrid to be exact!) and surgery lasted about 3 ½ hours. The doctor’s report was positive. He said the tumor itself was only as big as the tip of a finger (wow!). The rest of the “area of concern” was thick scar tissue. HOORAY!!!!!!!!! The doctors removed the tumor which sat near/on the axilla artery. Part of the pectoral minor muscle was removed but not all of it (hooray again!), and nothing from the pectoral major muscle was removed (YEA GOD)!! The tumor was taken as was the “cluster” of lymph nodes it was on or in (sorry..I am not as medically knowledgeable as Lynn).

The balloon radiation was not and/or will not be done as the tumor was too close to a nerve so Lynn will meet with the radiologist post surgery/recovery to discuss radiation options. It is believed that the area where the tumor was present this year was truly a “cold” spot (an area which has not received radiation) and therefore it may be a candidate for the standard type of radiation…stay tuned. Because the balloon radiation isn’t happening, that means Lynn does not have 4-5 straw sized catheters in her. Woo hoo!!

Another thing…she is not “A-Symmetrical”. (EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO SHOUT YIPPEE!!!) No reconstructive surgery is needed. YAHOO!!!

Tonight, Lynn is in some pain but hopefully will be feeling better in the morning and all things going well, she will be coming home tomorrow (Friday).

Just to share some cute stories from the day about the precious Newman kids. It started pretty early this morning…they all were geared to play but alas, we had school!!! During the car ride to school and during lunch today, the three boys, Jacob, Jack and Jay, were “scheming” about their afternoon adventures. On the way to school the questions were “are we still coming over after school?”, during lunch today all three boys asked me separately “are we still getting to play this afternoon”, and then again on the way home everyone asked “do we get to play together and will it be for a LONG time?”. SO CUTE. Yes, they indeed had their little hearts and cups “filled” by spending time with each other this afternoon. Ashlynn and Taylor had their “secret” girl games which started and ended in fits of laughter…..I know you know the type of laugh…it starts from their toes and just busts out uncontrollably. That was the girls today!! The boys were engrossed in a video game for a short while…Jacob is the resident expert and couldn’t leave the room without being summoned for a piece of advice on how to get to the next level!! HA After a great snack and a little play time, we received the “good news” call. WOW….this was too good of an opportunity to pass up so we decided we needed to celebrate…and celebrate we did!! A bottle of sparkling grape juice was opened and we thanked God for taking care of our sweet Lynn and for giving the doctor’s guidance, steady hands and wisdom. As I was preparing our celebratory festivities, sweet Jacob, came over and asked me if I knew what the sparkling grape juice represented. He went on to explain the most gracious gift God has given us…Jesus, and explained that the juice was like Jesus’ blood. (I was so touched by his tender explanation…and…his incredible faith….not surprised – he’s Lynn & Dave’s son – but loving his sweet words and joy at the good news!). He went on to tell me that by drinking this juice we were thanking God for giving us Jesus AND for taking care of his Mommy!!! My heart was full and tears were flowing. We prayed a thanksgiving prayer and then toasted “Miss Lynn”. Jacob raised his cup and loudly said “PRAISE GOD!” You GO JACOB!!!

Okay…if you are getting bored by my commentary you can quit reading but there is more….we decided to make Lynn a get well bouquet of cards….that was fun! You may know that Taylor is quite the artist so this was right up her ally. She made some of the most tender cards for her Mom and had it not been the call of the outdoors, bikes, scooters and more neighbors, she would have stayed there all afternoon making sweet card after sweet card for her Mom. Jacob made a cute one full of stickers. He called me over to his artwork and asked if I knew why he put this one cute sticker of a little ball man with arms sticking up in the air. I told him I didn’t know why he put it there…could he tell me? He said yes, and explained it was on his card so “my Mom will know that I love her ‘SO BIG’”. WHEW!! I was already pretty emotional so, on that note, out the door we went to get a breath of fresh air and work off some energy. We joined the Shearer crowd and “did” the cul-de-sac thing…all we were missing was Lynn!!!

So friends, that is what I know for today. Lynn’s mother-in-love, Gail, reminded me that the last time Lynn came home from surgery, BEFORE she made it to her bed for recuperation, she made Gail, and her mom, Suzanne, stop at the computer so she could check the website. Do you really know how wonderful it is to log on and get a bunch of messages…even if it is a short “hello” or “I’m thinking about you”? If you have a chance…please visit Lynn’s guestbook and let her know you have been by to check on her. It is incredibly encouraging and she will LOVE every word you write…I promise.

I am so thankful to have a friend like Lynn and incredibly thankful that today went as well as it did. If I know Lynn, she would end by thanking you for your continued prayers for her and to request prayers for quick healing, strength for her family and caregivers, blinders for the kids during this time, and that ongoing prayer to let her body re-adjust lymphatically thus keeping lymphedema away.

Lynn will return SHORTLY to give you all she knows in eloquent form and can further explain more about today’s procedure. THANK YOU for keeping my sweet friend and her family in your thoughts and prayers. She loves you all!!!!

Blessings,

Holly

“But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the LORD because he has been so good to me.” Psalm 13:5-6

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 10:49 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here this evening I had hoped to be able to journal something profound or at least inspiring but alas it is 10:38pm and my body is weary. Dave and I will have to leave the house by 4:15am to arrive at Baylor on time for surgery so that leaves little room for sleep at this point. So this is what I know...it is in God's hands!

I know that ultimately I will be o.k. In my heart I have prepared for a long surgery and long recovery as the surgeons have all prepped me for this reality. I am o.k. with this. I have an action plan and that is what I have prayed for. Tomorrow begins the healing process! What a huge praise that is.

There many things that I had hoped to do before surgery but the date just snuck up on me so for all the sweet notes, gifts and Lynde for the absolutely BEAUTIFUL flowers I thank you all so very much. I am humbled by all of you. To my sweet Suzanne I am so sorry that I missed your call thank you for your sweet message I love you my friend. To my sister Terri. I am sorry that I missed you too sweetie, I am so thankful that I got to speak to you this evening…I wish I hadn’t been so tired. I love you.

As far as tomorrow please pray that the surgery would go perfectly. That God would give both Dr. Kuhn and Dr. Senzer steady hands, perfect vision, stamina and wisdom through out the entire surgery. Pray for peace and comfort for all my family and friends but most of all pray for complete healing!

Much love to each and every one of you!
Lynn

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 6:38 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

********UPDATE**********
SURGERY HAS BEEN SCHEDULED FOR THURSDAY 10/13. I CHECK IN AT 5AM AND SURGERY WILL BE BETWEEN 9-9:30AM.

Monday, October 10, 2005 POST:

Yesterday Dave and I met with Dr. Neil Senzer, Director of Radiation Oncology Research at Baylor. He is also the Scientific Director at the Mary Crowley Medical Research Center. He seemed like a nice enough fellow. Here is a recap of what he had to say:

· It appears that the cancer we are dealing with this year (i.e., the 17mm tumor located about an inch below the clavicle bone on the right side of my body) could possibly be located in what he called a “cold” spot i.e., an appx one inch section of my breast/axilla that didn’t receive any, or at least not very much radiation over the past two years of radiation treatment.
· Here is the hypothesis: A patient can only safely receive a finite amount of radiation to the same part of the body.
o In 2003 my entire breast was radiated. The cancer has never returned to the breast.
o In 2004 cancer was found in the axilla (armpit) and in lymph nodes right under the clavicle bone closet to the shoulder and appx 2-3 inches in toward the middle of the right chest area. As such I received radiation in the armpit and under the clavicle and my backbone.
o AGAIN because doctors never want to radiate the same exact area twice Dr. Senzer hypothesizes that the area where we see tumor this year has fallen into a small area, a margin if you will, that might not have received radiation treatment in 2003 or 2004. He will be looking at X-Rays taken by Dr. Greenberg to determine 100% if that is the case.
o If that is true then we have some hope that radiation treatment was successful and have reason to believe that it might work this year.
· Dr. Senzer has indicated that he would like to try the following radiation treatment:
o He would insert 4-5 catheters into the exact location of tumor and depending upon that location we will either do high or low doses of pellet dropped radiation into those catheters over a 4-5 day period.

o If the tumor is located too close to the nerve that controls my right arm we will have to opt for Low dose pellet radiation. If that were the case pellets would be inserted into the catheter that would give out continuous low doses of radiation over a period of hours. Once they wear off more would be inserted…and so on and so on… I would have a 4-night stay at the hospital for this treatment b/c I would in essence be “radioactive” and could not be around others during treatment.

o If the tumor is NOT located as close to this nerve and Dr. Senzer feels it is safe to do high dose radiation. This means that high doses of radiation would be dropped into the tubes once a day and for 10 minutes I couldn’t be around people but then I’d be fine and would go home and proceed with my day and just return for the same procedure on days 2-5.
· Either way it looks to be 4-5 days of treatment and then the tubes will be removed.
· In either treatment I have to wait until at lease a week if not longer before I can do the treatments so that my body has time to heal post surgery. So I will have 4-5 tubes sticking out of my chest for quite a while.
· We will not know which type of radiation I will be receiving until I am physically in surgery.

· Surgery is scheduled for Thursday with a 5:00am check-in time. The surgery will actually start between 9-9:30am.

· The other type of “treatment” he would like to pursue is a long-term shot in the dark. It is basically Gene therapy. I mentioned that Dr. Senzer is the Scientific Director at Mary Crowley Medical Research Center and they are currently working on a study that would take a portion of the tumor we find this year and over the course of 18 months or so work to find a “virus” that they could give me that would attack the cancer that is specific to the DNA of the tumor they remove this year. Basically it’s like giving a “cold” to the cancer cells. It would be designed so that it would ONLY attack the cancer and no other cells so there really are no side effects. This may sound pretty out there but to be honest I can see it working. I know 18 months seems like an eternity but I’ve been fighting this disease already for 26 months and so far the cancer has (by Gods grace) stayed in the same basic location. My prayer is that I will be a candidate for the above radiation and that will cure the cancer. However, if the radiation doesn't work it would be very reassuring to know that I have a team of research scientists working on a cure to knock out the cancer they found in my body. Therein lies hope right?!

I will be honest and tell you that my opinion about all of this at 4pm this afternoon was not as favorable as it is at 9:45pm after a margarita and a beer with my friends in the cul-de-sac. That is what friends and family are for right? To help you see through these issues and find hope for the cross you bare. Who knows maybe Dr. Senzer will find a cure for cancer and the tumor they remove from my body could play apart in those findings. That would be pretty cool! I am going to choose to believe that might happen…there is my hope! My answered prayer!

I will close with those words.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and uplifting messages. They are much needed and so appreciated.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Monday, October 10, 2005 9:53 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Today Dave and I met with Dr. Neil Senzer, Director of Radiation Oncology Research at Baylor. He is also the Scientific Director at the Mary Crowley Medical Research Center. He seemed like a nice enough fellow. Here is a recap of what he had to say:

· It appears that the cancer we are dealing with this year (i.e., the 17mm tumor located about an inch below the clavicle bone on the right side of my body) could possibly be located in what he called a “cold” spot i.e., an appx one inch section of my breast/axilla that didn’t receive any, or at least not very much, radiation over the past two years of radiation treatment.
· Here is the hypothesis: A patient can only safely receive a finite amount of radiation to the same part of the body.
o In 2003 my entire breast was radiated. The cancer has never returned to the breast.
o In 2004 cancer was found in the axilla (armpit) and in lymph nodes right under the clavicle bone closet to the shoulder and appx 2-3 inches in toward the middle of the right chest area. As such I received radiation in the armpit and under the clavicle and my backbone.
o AGAIN because doctors never want to radiate the same exact area twice Dr. Senzer hypothesizes that the area where we see tumor this year has fallen into a small area, a margin if you will, that might not have received radiation treatment in 2003 or 2004. He will be looking at X-Rays taken by Dr. Greenberg to determine 100% if that is the case.
o If that is true then we have some hope that radiation treatment was successful and have reason to believe that it might work this year.
· Dr. Senzer has indicated that he would like to try the following radiation treatment:
o He would insert 4-5 catheters into the exact location of tumor and depending upon that location we will either do high or low doses of pellet dropped radiation into those catheters over a 4-5 day period.

o If the tumor is located too close to the nerve that controls my right arm we will have to opt for Low dose pellet radiation. If that were the case pellets would be inserted into the catheter that would give out continuous low doses of radiation over a period of hours. Once they wear off more would be inserted…and so on and so on… I would have a 4-night stay at the hospital for this treatment b/c I would in essence be “radioactive” and could not be around others during treatment.

o If the tumor is NOT located as close to this nerve and Dr. Senzer feels it is safe to do high dose radiation. This means that high doses of radiation would be dropped into the tubes once a day and for 10 minutes I couldn’t be around people but then I’d be fine and would go home and proceed with my day and just return for the same procedure on days 2-5.
· Either way it looks to be 4-5 days of treatment and then the tubes will be removed.
· In either treatment I have to wait until at lease a week if not longer before I can do the treatments so that my body has time to heal post surgery. So I will have 4-5 tubes sticking out of my chest for quite a while.
· We will not know which type of radiation I will be receiving until I am physically in surgery.
· Surgery has NOT been scheduled. It seems everyone is o.k. with this except me. I’ll be honest, the waiting is really getting hard.

The other type of “treatment” he would like to pursue is a long-term shot in the dark. It is basically Gene therapy. I mentioned that Dr. Senzer is the Scientific Director at Mary Crowley Medical Research Center and they are currently working on a study that would take a portion of the tumor we find this year and over the course of 18 months or so work to find a “virus” that they could give me that would attack the cancer that is specific to the DNA of the tumor they remove this year. Basically it’s like giving a “cold” to the cancer cells. It would be designed so that it would ONLY attack the cancer and no other cells so there really are no side effects. This may sound pretty out there but to be honest I can see it working. I know 18 months seems like an eternity but I’ve been fighting this disease already for 26 months and so far the cancer has (by Gods grace) stayed in the same basic location. My prayer is that I will be a candidate for the above radiation and that will cure the cancer. However it would be very reassuring to know that I have a team of research scientists working on a cure to knock out the cancer they found in my body. Therein lies hope right?!

I will be honest and tell you that my opinion about all of this at 4pm this afternoon was not as favorable as it is at 9:45pm after a margarita and a beer with my friends in the cul-de-sac. That is what friends and family are for right? To help you see through these issues and find hope for the cross you bare. Who knows maybe Dr. Senzer will find a cure for cancer and the tumor they remove from my body could play apart in those findings. That would be pretty cool! I am going to choose to believe that might happen…there is my hope! My answered prayer!

I will close with those words.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and uplifting messages. They are much needed and so appreciated.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, October 7, 2005 7:55 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Over the past two days I have spent a lot of time in reflection. Several times I began to journal but the words that came were so depressing that even I couldn’t stand to read them so I hit delete, prayed, got mad, met my sweet friend Suzanne for lunch and shopping, had a wonderful talk with David and today my spirit is renewed. It is such an answered prayer I cannot even begin to tell you.

I still do not have a surgery date, but I was able to get an appt to see a radiologist from Baylor on Monday at 12:30 regarding the “balloon type” radiation. I assume he will advise if I am a candidate for this procedure or not. Surgery is still suppose to happen next week ~ please pray that we get a date as my parents are c coming in from Phoenix and at this point they are on hold until we get a date. It seems like the process this year is so much longer than the past two years.

I would like to ask that each of you pray for my friend Jill Herweyer. She is 28 and has breast cancer. She is going through chemo right now and her body is fighting off a 103-degree fever. As we all know fever, chemo, and cancer do not go together and she is not feeling well at all. She was at the hospital yesterday and they have asked her to go to the cancer center at 10am for a blood transfusion. That proceedure will take 5 hours. Please pray for peace while she goes through the transfusion, and that her body will be able to heal as a result. She is really fatigued right now. I remember those days all too well, they are so difficult. Please pray for strength & healing.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week.
Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, October 4, 2005 7:13 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Today Dave and I met with Dr. Joe Kahn of Baylor Medical Center in Dallas. He is a surgeon that specializes in oncology tumor removal of breast, chest, neck and brain. He had an opportunity to review my chart, my films from CT/PET, and then preformed a sonogram in the exam room. I will bullet point his conclusions:

· Cancer is present in the axilla (armpit) as well as under the clavicle bone right above the axilla artery/nerve. Cancer appears to be in 4-6 lymph nodes but this conclusion was drawn from sonogram so we won’t know for sure until we get into surgery.
· Surgery will definitely be next week. A day has not been chosen at this time.
· The pectoral minor muscle will be removed as well as a portion of the pectoral major muscle.
· The area in the axilla that was removed due to cancer last year, there appears but it is not certain, that cancer might be present. As such it will be re-dissected this year.
· We will be meeting w/ a Radiologist later this week to determine if I am a candidate for a new form of radiation that is inserted into a “balloon” (if you will) and then placed with pinpoint precision where the cancer is present. This appt needs to happen b/f surgery as if I am a candidate this will happen during this surgery. As many of you know I have had all the “traditional radiation” I can have to the area with out damaging the axilla artery and/or nerve so if I am not a candidate for this type of radiation therapy I will not be having any more.
· I will absolutely need reconstructive surgery, as I will be “A-Symmetrical” post surgery. Unfortunately this cannot be done at this time. It will be available down the road but we don’t know when at this point.
· The incision will be appx 7-8 inches in order to re-dissect last years re-occurrence as well as offer an opportunity to remove the cancer that has been identified this year.
· I will be spending at least 1 night at Baylor Hospital in recovery (more if needed).

The blessing, and yes there is one, is that based on my current condition it appears that my body has been able to re-train itself for the most part lymphatically. As such, Dr. Kahn feels that my risk for full-blown symptoms of lymphedema is around 10%. This is encouraging but PLEASE continue to pray over this issue, as it is very heavy on my heart.

I do have one request. At the risk of sounding parental (HA!) I would like to request that anyone that might be reading this site please do not share this information with your children. Taylor and Jacob are aware that I have cancer but it would be ten fold more difficult if students began discussing this issue. They are doing there best to maintain some sense of normalcy through all of this (challenging as it might be) I’d like school to be a place that they look forward to and a place that they can learn and play with their friends and not worry about the fact that their Mommy has cancer. Thank you so much for your sensitivity.
Thank you to those that have posted. Your words of encouragement mean more than you know.

Thank you ALL for your continued prayers.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, October 1, 2005 6:53 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

A dear friend of mine e-mailed me directly to check to make sure that everything was o.k. given that I hadn’t posted since Wednesday. We are all hanging in there. The hardest thing right now is that Taylor is struggling with the situation. She doesn’t understand how this could be happening again. In her words, “Other kids Mommy’s aren’t sick and have to have surgery three times. I am just upset that my Mommy does….this just seems like it is going on forever and I just want you to be healthy”. She is so dear. I think her words are echoed by so many she just has the courage to say it out loud. Please pray for her. She typically is such a strong, happy child and this is really taking a toll on her. She came down last night in tears and proceeded to cry for about an hour expressing her pain. It just breaks my heart. Please pray that God can bring her peace and comfort.

Other than that the only other news is that Dr. Hampe and I spoke late yesterday afternoon and a decision has been made to switch gears re: a surgeon. He was originally going to bring in a Thoracic surgeon but after discussing it further with some of his colleges it has been decided that an Oncology Surgeon by the name of Dr. Kuhn would be a better choice. Dr. Kuhn is out of Baylor Medical Center in Dallas. As such surgery will take place at Baylor and Dr. Hampe will assist. A decision should be made on Tuesday if a plastic surgeon will also be added to the team once Dr. Kuhn has taken a look at my CT & PET Scans. I know that many have prayed that God would reveal a plan for surgery and I feel confident that this is why the change has been made. Apparently Dr. Kuhn specializes in tumor removal in the chest, neck and brain and Dr. Hampe feels that he is a better choice all the way around. In his words, “This is absolutely the best choice!” He also has worked with Dr. Kuhn in the past and I think that will help everyone’s comfort level. He seemed very pleased that Dr. Kuhn had agreed to take my case and an appt has been scheduled for Dave and I to meet w/ Dr. Kuhn on Tuesday at 11:30am at Baylor Medical Center.

Please continue to pray for the spirits of the entire Newman family. We are doing our best to remain positive but there are times that this cancer is overwhelming and everyone just feels “tired”. Our faith remains unwavered, as ultimately we know that we are not the authors of this script we call life we are simply blessed to be able to live it out. The details of this script are in Gods hands we just pray that he offers us his wisdom and peace to help get us through.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 9:46 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh…where to begin. …

Today at 12:30pm Dave and I met with Dr. Hampe (my breast surgeon). As suspected, the biopsy came back positive for cancer. It appears to be the same cancer as the previous two years although he ordered add’l testing to verify if that is indeed the case.

Our next steps are two fold. We are gathering information in the form of 2nd and 3rd opinions from Oncologists in the Dallas Metroplex, as well as pursuing an appt at MD Anderson in Houston, TX. So far my current team of doctors all agree that I should proceed with surgery and then discuss the possibility of my taking add’l chemo and/or other cancer fighting drugs post surgery. At this point we are still in the information gathering process and I will make the final call if I am willing to undergo any add’l chemo after I have more information. I have already had the big guns of A/C, Taxotere, and 60 rounds of radiation,none of them have been sucessful in fighting this aggressive cancer and what is available to me will be less aggressive or experimental.

I have an appt with Dr. Edgerton (Thoracic Surgeon) on Monday at 1pm to discuss surgery. I have not met him yet so I don’t know if he will be the doctor I select to work with Dr. Hampe or if we’ll pursue another surgeon at Baylor. Dr. Hampe will be talking with him in the next two days and we’ll circle back around before I meet with him on Monday. This is all new territory for me, as I trust Dr. Hampe and the thought of adding another surgeon to the team is a bit scary, but absolutely necessary so I want to make sure that we are both comfortable with whoever is selected.

The best-case scenario is that we’ll go to surgery 7-10 days from now. That will give us enough time to discuss my case with two add’l Oncologists, one to two thoracic surgeons, as well as pursue MD Anderson.

Although I already knew in my heart that this was cancer others around me were holding out hope that it wasn’t. I think that was the hardest part was telling everyone…again. It was like I had to break the news all over. I am not sure if that makes sense or not.

However after a night with my amazing husband and two sweet angels I am once again full of hope and optimism. It would be so easy to fall apart but that wouldn’t do anyone any good plus any other outcome other than a complete recovery is simply not acceptable. So now we pray.

Pray that God will lead me to the thoracic surgeon that I need, that if any additional cancer fighting drugs are available that would work on the type of cancer I have that they would be revealed to us, that all of the tumor and microscopic cancer cells in my body would be removed during surgery, that my body will be able to tolerate and somehow retrain itself once again lymphaticly so that the lymphedema symptoms I currently have will not worsen post surgery, and that my children will be shielded by the realities of this cancer. That somehow God will shield their eyes and their ears to the severity of the situation and that they will simply remember that one day long ago Mommy had cancer…but she’s o.k. now. That is my most heartfelt prayer.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 1:41 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I just wanted to give you a quick update regarding the biopsy. My neighbor and friend Linda Denning showed up at the crack of dawn (5:15am) to sit with the kids and help get them ready for school so that Dave could take me to the hospital. She is such a blessing THANK YOU Linda and to Kathy for taking them to school!

Dave and I arrived at 6am and after filling out paper work etc. they brought me back to out patient surgery to prep me. I was blessed with an amazing nurse. I jokingly told her that she had the unfortunate luck of having to try to find a vein for my IV; to which she replied, "they would have called me anyway" as always, the Lord took care of all the necessary details. She easily found a vein and unbelievably she got it in on the first try with minimal, if any pain. She was AMAZING! After sitting and filling out another ream of paperwork and 70 minutes to fill my blatter with IV fluids the doctor showed up at 8am to introduce himself and explain the procedure. They took me back at 8:15am, promptly gave me some joy juice and started the procedure. I was in recovery by 9:15am. Piece of cake.

After drinking two cups of juice and a half of sandwich I asked the nurse if she was ready to kick me out anytime soon? They had wanted me to stay there until 12noon but I felt fine by 10:45 and they got doctor approval to release me at 11am. YIPPIE!

Dave and I came home. He stayed for lunch and they headed off to work and I took a nap. I really feel fine. God heard and answered so many prayers today. I really was at peace all morning and everything went perfectly. So far my arm feels completely normal so that is another answered prayer!

I should know the test results by Thursday. If I hear anything before that I will post.

I am going to go rest for an hour before Holly drops off my sweet angels. Thank you all so very much for all your kind words and prayers. I am so blessed!

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Sunday, September 25, 2005 6:28 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Over the past two years of fighting this battle there seems to be a pattern of how Dave and I manage through the emotions tied to this journey: shock, anger, frustration, sadness, acceptance, and at times fear. Most of the time our faith gets us through the days but almost as if we were re-writing history last night sadness and fear set in for me.

I went through the motions of the day but after saying prayers with the kids and kissing them goodnight my emotions let loose. (I try my best not to let them see the sadness or fear of this disease ~ they see enough of the physical pain they don’t need to deal with the emotional.) Poor Dave couldn’t do anything right. He wanted to read, I needed to talk. I wanted to connect with him I think because the only time I feel safe is when his arms are wrapped around me. When the kids are awake I am distracted taking care of them. But in the quiet of the night when they sleep the reality of the situation sets in. Unfortunately last night I wasn’t able to deal with these emotions and Dave got the brunt of my sadness and frustration. For that I am sorry my Love. We did talk and I felt much better but I didn’t have peace until I got out of bed and had some quiet time with our Lord and Savior. I prayed for peace, wisdom, and patience and of course healing. It was the moment most Christians refer to as, “the moment I fell to my knees in prayer & gave it to Christ” literally. I can’t do this on my own. None of us can. I knew this last year and I know it this year. To be honest I didn’t think I was trying to until Dave asked me why I was falling apart this time when I had been so strong during the first two-breast cancer diagnosis? Why was this time so different? I realize now that it was because I hadn’t really given my fear to God. I feel so much better today. I am still tired but my spirits are better. That is definitely an answered prayer.

Last year as I journaled I was asked to post specific prayer requests so that those that read my journal that may not know the specifics of my journey could pray. I like that idea so I will continue with that thought this year.

· Tuesday at 6am I am scheduled for a CT guided needle biopsy. Dr. Kym will be performing this procedure.
· Please pray for steady hands, & Gods perfect vision so that a viable section can be tested on both tumors.
· Pray that pathology will be able to get test results quickly so that if surgery is needed that we can get that scheduled ASAP.
· Finally, please pray that the procedure does not provoke a swelling of my arm due to lymphedema.

Many of you know that I have had a total of 17 lymph nodes taken out during the past two surgeries. Through answered prayer and physical therapy my body has been able to re-route the fluid that would typically have been handled via those lymph nodes. My lymphedema symptoms have been very minor swelling in my upper right arm and some swelling of the breast (and that has even been going down). My fear is that the biopsy will trigger an extreme flare up of lymphedema systems and my arm will become the size of my thigh. I prayed about this concern all last year as I underwent radiation treatments. God answered those prayers, and I am certain he will remain faithful.

Thank you all so very much for your words of encouragement. They mean more than my simple words can say.

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Friday, September 23, 2005 5:05 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Oh the power of prayer is a mighty thing! Yesterday I was frustrated as the hours and days slipped by with no communication, no test results, no scheduling of my biopsy etc. This afternoon all that changed. Here is what I know:

· I have a 6am CT guided needle biopsy on Tuesday.
o It will take 24-48 hours to obtain those results.
· I have a tentative appt w/ Dr. Ederton (spelling unknown) a thoracic surgeon that specializes in tumor removal for Thursday or Friday depending when the results of the biopsy come back. This is to meet him and discuss surgery.
· Dr. Hampe will assist in the surgery but Dr. Ederton will lead as the tumor is touching the Axilla Artery which is very near my lung i.e., chest not breast thus Dr. Hampe will defer to Dr. Ederton.
· I may have to have part of my chest pectoral muscle removed (OUCH!) This is TBD based on what the docs decide once everyone sees all my CT’s and biopsy.
· If the above happens then I will need reconstructive surgery. We don’t know if that will happen during surgery or if I’ll need to heal and then go back for reconstructive surgery down the road. I’d love to do it all at once and only heal once but it isn’t up to me.
· If reconstructive surgery is needed they will add a plastic surgeon to my team of doctors. (Maybe he can do a little liposuction to my belly at the same time…ya think? HA! Just kidding!)
· Right now all docs involved are not recommending a mastectomy; although if any of them do I’ll go ahead and have this done as I have little attachment to that “problem child”!

Surgery has not been scheduled as everything depends upon what we learn from the biopsy. So right now I get to play until Tues at 6am!

On a more serious note, I have many friends in the Houston area that will be affected by hurricane Rita. PLEASE pray for my friends Melissa, her 2 daughters, her husband, also her father Don Halverson. Also for my friend Nancy Jacobson and her two boys. None of them were able to get out of town. PLEASE pray that God will protect them and that he will give them courage and strength as they weather this storm. I love you guys stay safe!!

Thank you so very much for all your encouraging words and most importantly your prayers. Our Father clearly heard us stormin’ heaven last night and today as he took care of all the details. PRAISE HIM as he is mighty!!!!

Much love to each of you!!
Lynn

Thursday, September 22, 2005 6:38 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry I didn’t post yesterday. To be honest I didn’t know anything. Unfortunately, I really don’t know much more today. I will admit that is the most frustrating thing for me is lack of communication. I did however have a great conversation w/ my radiologist Dr. Greenberg and here is what I have learned:

·I have two areas of concern. One is a 1cm x 2cm tumor and the other is 17mm tumor. Both are in the right axilla touching the axillary artery.
·The 17mm tumor is of the most concern for cancer re-occurrence.
·Both areas will have a CT guided needle biopsy. I would like to say that this is scheduled but it is not (this is my frustration UGGH!).

Once we have the results back from the biopsy then we will progress with an action plan. There is a small chance that this could be scar tissue and/or fibrous tumor. Based on the PET Scan none of the doctors believe that is the case, but one can always hold out hope right?

If the biopsy concludes that the masses are cancer then surgery will be scheduled. At this point we are looking at surgery in a couple of weeks I would guess.

If I learn anything else I will post the details.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. My spirits are much better today; the news just took the wind out of my sails Monday and Tues. However, I have gotten over the initial shock and the Lord has blessed me with a positive outlook. This is a HUGE praise and I am sure an answer to many prayers. Again, thank you all so much for your encouraging words and continued prayer. They mean more than you know.

Much love to you,
Lynn

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 6:33 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I would like to say that I had great news but the reality is that I do not. I have gone down this path so many times that I thought I knew all the twists and turns... suddenly a large bolder appears in the path and I struggle to find an answer for the detour. For the life of me I can’t fathom why this is happening…again. Dave and I just felt our lives returning to normal and now we’ve been thrust back into the roller coaster ride for my life…again. Enough!

So here is what I know. Yesterday around 3pm I received a call from my Oncologists Dr. Stokoe. He had drawn the short straw as they say, and had to deliver the news that a 1cm x 2cm “area of concern” showed up on my PET Scan. The PET is good about detecting cancer, it is not so good at discerning exactly where the problem is located. I called in a favor from my friend and OB/GYN Dr. Eisenberg and within a half an hour he had scheduled a CT Scan for this morning at 10am. The CT should be able to tell us exactly where and how big the cancer tumor is. Once we know this information all my docs will talk and collectively come up with an action plan. As always each of them struggles with my case saying, “we don’t understand this, it doesn’t make sense” I had a Mammogram and Sonogram preformed Monday (yesterday) at 10am and both came back clear. I don’t understand it either. I guess the blessing is that they were following me every 3 months w/ PET or this would have been missed all together.

For the past two years I have fought this battle along side my family and friends; my faith unwavering, my spirit almost unusually positive. I knew in my heart that I was going to be o.k. What I can tell you now is that my faith remains unwavered, but my spirit is quite honestly broken. I just feel so tired. Tired of getting this news, of fighting so hard only to find out each Fall that the cancer has returned. Tired of being such an incredible burden to my family and friends. They SO do not deserve to have to go through this again. That is what is so hard. If I could live in a bubble and just deal with this I would be o.k. But I can’t. It affects my kids, my husband, family and friends. It scares them, and if I am honest..this time it scares me too.

I remember having a conversation with Dr. Hampe post surgery in November where he informed me that the cancer had engulfed 8 of the 9 lymph nodes he removed. He feared that the cancer had spread and we really didn’t know where it could be. I remember the sorrow in his voice. It was present again when we spoke last night. I have two precious angels, and a husband that need me so I will not give up hope.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Tonight I ask that you pray for clarity, peace, strength and healing.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Sunday, September 18, 2005 3:15 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

SO, I thought that I had concluded my journaling until many confronted me and kept telling me that I wasn’t. For weeks now I have checked on several of my Caringbridge friends that are going through medical concerns praying that God would heal not only their bodies, but also their heart and minds as they continue to struggle with various forms of cancer. It is such an ugly disease that takes so much from us, our health, our hopes, and our dreams and gives us what? Fear. Oh yes! In going through cancer for the second time I learned that fear is something that Satin loves. It won’t go away unless you give it to God. I didn’t learn that the first time around. I was blessed to have learned it the second. My prayer is that anyone reading my journal would give their troubles to God, as he is the only one who will always provide.

That said, over the past three plus months I have felt my life returning back to normal (what ever that means). I can look in the mirror and see myself again. As many of you know that was taken the first time I experienced cancer as I went through chemo and lost all my hair, and my face and body changed with all the steroids I was subjected to during both years of chemo. My energy for the most part has returned and I am blessed to say that I am once again able to participate in-group exercise. To some this may seem more like a curse than a blessing HA! But to me getting back to the gym and getting my strength back is nothing short of amazing. I will never be able to lift heavy weights again with my lymphedema, but who cares 5lb weights seem heavy after you do enough reps. The best part is that my body has responded well to exercise and the pain and minimal swelling in my arm has gone down tremendously due to exercise. Again, a blessing!

Dave and I have been making up for lost time this summer on our travels. We’ve enjoyed a trip to Hawaii in May, Cabo, Mexico in June, Southern CA in July, and Cancun Mexico in Sept. People laugh when they hear our travel schedule this summer but you know what we so needed each of those times to reconnect. Cancer takes a toll on all relationships. This summer God gave us many opportunities to re-connect with each other and will friends. He has provided a place to stay and we’ve been able to use airline and hotel miles to absorb most of the cost. What a blessing it has been, I am so grateful!

The kids went back to school in August and to my utter surprise it was an easy transition. Taylor loves to learn and was looking forward to 2nd grade, however my Jacob is like his Mommy. He is not a morning person and gets tired in the afternoon. My fear is that we’d have many tears in the morning and in the afternoon due to fatigue. We had a few but for the most part both of them have adjusted amazingly. Again, our faithful Father took care of the details.

I do have some news regarding my health. I had a PET Scan on Tuesday and I will have a Mammogram and Sonogram on Monday 9/19. I hope to have the results of all of these test Monday or Tuesday at the latest. I will post again as soon as I hear anything.

In the meantime. I would like to ask each of you to pray for my sweet friend Holly. Her Father John has been fighting a battle against cancer and this dreadful disease is taking its toll on him, and the entire family. The prognosis is not positive at this point but as we all know only God knows our plan and we will continue to pray for a miracle. Please pray for peace, and comfort for John, his wife Charlotte, Holly and her brother David. This is an extremely hard time for everyone and my prayer is that God will wrap each of them in comfort as they endure the upcoming weeks.

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 6:32 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Today is the first time in a long while that I have felt a calling to journal. Over the past year this journal has been a forum to express my thoughts, fears, frustrations, and faith. Through it I was given words of encouragement when I needed them most, words of elation when I received good news, & endless prayers from many I may never have the pleasure of meeting personally. For all of these things I thank you, I feel incredibly blessed.

God willing I will continue to get the good news that the breast cancer is gone forever. That said, I have been searching for the words that I would write that would allow me to close this chapter of my life and thus this website. The words just wouldn’t come and thus the days and weeks kept passing by. Today I looked and it was exactly one month ago that I posted the good news that I received a clear PET Scan. How appropriate that today God revealed to me the words that I needed to share with all of you in my last post.

"God has created me to do him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission — I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.

I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good. I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it — if I do but keep His commandments.

Therefore I will trust in Him. Whatever, wherever I am. I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me — still He knows what he is about."
From Cardinal John Newman's work entitled "I Have My Mission"

This website has been a blessing that I will never fully be able to express into words. My hope is that if you’ve been touched by my words that they would echo in your mind when a day comes that you need encouragement, strength, wisdom, or peace. In good days or in bad my prayer is that you turn to God, as He is the one who will never let you down.

Much love to each of you! And as always, keep LOOKING RIGHT!
Lynn Newman

Monday, June 13, 2005 9:15 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

After waiting six days for my PET Scan results an angel by the name of Dr. Eisenberg delivered the news that, “There are NO abnormal findings that are suspicious for active malignant disease on today’s PET Exam”. Praise GOD!

I have learned to be a patient person when it comes to receiving test results but on day six after a PET Scan you can imagine I was ready to hear the results. I left messages at 3 doctors’ offices requesting the PET results. No luck ~ in fact the nurse from my oncologists office called to tell me that although the doctor had the results he had not taken the time to read them yet and that he’d give me the results at my Thursday appt. WHAT? Are you kidding me!!

So here is where some would say coincidence, or fate, played out. I would argue that it was God’s plan all along…. Several weeks ago I had an appointment to follow up for my annual OB/GYN visit. I showed up for that appt only to learn that I would have to reschedule the appt b/c I was 6 days shy of my 1 year visit from last year, and my insurance wouldn’t cover the visit. I was leaving for Hawaii in a few days and then Mexico last wk so long story short it had to be pushed back by nearly a month and a half. At that point my PET Scan hadn’t even been scheduled. As it happens my OB appointment had been rescheduled for today.

Upon showing up for my visit I was talking to Dr. Eisenberg and he asked how I was etc. I said I felt great but that I’d know more when I got my PET Scan test results back. He knew I had it done last week and was shocked that I didn’t have the results. Then he asked if I would like to see if he could get them faxed over to his office? Well YEAH!!

You have to understand that this man is so dear, he was the person that had the foresight to send me, as a 33 year old healthy mother of two, to get a mammogram and sonogram when I found my original lump back in July 2003. That said, it is so appropriate that he be the doctor to give me the good news today that the cancer is gone!

The PET report does go on to say , “Diffuse uptake into the thyroid is noted, but it is less intense and the thyroid appears smaller that it was on 2/23. ~ Clinical correlation of the findings is suggested but it is probably not related to the patients neoplasm.” i.e., not related to my cancer.

As you know I am working with an endocrinologists and for now it seems that the meds he has me on are working wonderfully and I am certain that he will follow me closely to ensure that my thyroid remains healthy.

This is the news that I have been waiting to hear since last August! I remember having a conversation with Dr. Hampe in his office last November after surgery when he said that he was not recommending any future chemotherapy as it clearly wasn’t working ~ my answer, “So now we pray”! I told him that I would be his miracle patient. The one that he couldn’t explain.

He didn’t understand how we could get clear margins; & clear lymph nodes in 2003 and one year later have cancer engulf 8 lymph nodes. He didn’t understand why the strongest chemo drugs weren’t strong enough to shrink this aggressively growing tumor.

We didn’t understand it, but God did. We prayed ~ and God answered.

God may not have preformed the surgery, or run the radiation machine. He may not have injected the chemo, or prescribed the medicines that would ultimately heal my body. Not directly anyway, but he hand picked each friend, doctor, and “prayer warrior” that I needed. He orchestrated it all. From Dr. Eisenberg who would have the foresight to send me to get a mammogram; to Dr. Hampe my surgeon that would remove the cancer from my body; to Dr. Greenberg my radiologist that would radiate all those tiny left over cells in my breast and axilla; to each of you that read about my journey and prayed for me; and finally to Barb. She gave me hope when traditional medicine failed. My doctors said cancer was most likely all over my lymphatic system, she agreed with them, and then led me to the homeopathic meds that continue to rid my body of those nasty cancer cells. The only thing I have been doing since February is homeopathic meds and prayer and yet today’s report said, “Today's study demonstrates continued improvement since the last study of 2/23/05.”

If this isn’t a testimony of how prayers can be answered and the sick can be healed then I am not sure what is.

Praise him. As He is mighty, he is mighty indeed!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, June 10, 2005 6:45 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here this evening I am experiencing two milestones ~ the first is that my sweet girl is at her first weekend sleepover with her dear friend Ashlynn. Yesterday I drove the two of them to Waco, TX where I met up with the John and Charlotte McKay (Holly’s parents). They live in Austin and the girls joined them for the weekend and we met half way in Waco. I can’t believe my sweet girl is away for the weekend. She is (by her own admission) being spoiled rotten by Mame and Papa and she is loving every minute of it! So, there is milestone number one.

The second milestone is that my boy is experiencing his 1st “almost sleepover”. What is that you might ask? It is an opportunity for him to have his two dear friends Jay and Jack over for a pizza and movie party. They all have their P.J.’s on, and will stay up late watching an animated Batman movie with popcorn with Skittles in it (a tradition Auntie Terri insists upon). The boys get to stay up until 8pm and then Jay and Jack will go back across the street and Mommy Holly will tuck her boys in their beds, and I will tuck my sweet boy in his own bed. See…its “Almost a sleepover”.

I just hung up the phone with Dave and he is 21 miles North of Austin. He drove down there to visit with his friend Andrew and his family. He’s been wanting to go for months but with Taylor spending the week end in Austin and feeling a bit nervous about being so far from home Dave offered to go up for the night so that if she got scared she could drive home with him in the morning. So far she thinks she wants to stay. (Go figure she was spoiled with 4 desserts yesterday…who wouldn’t want to stay. HA!)

I almost forgot to mention the excitement we had Tuesday night. We took a 7pm run to the E.R. with Jacob. He thought it would be fun to run and slide in his slippers on our marble in the entry way…he slid into the column and cut his head open…it required 3 stitches. I told him it made him look tough. HA! He was very brave and did not cry when he received the stitches (that’s my boy). I asked him if he learned his lesson? He said he had but I noticed when Jay and Jack showed up he had the same slippers on and RAN to open the door to let them in…I guess the lesson was short lived. What is the saying? “Boys will be Boys.” That is SO TRUE. And as my Mother-in-Love says, “I wouldn’t want it any other way”.

As for me, I am doing fine. I had my P.T. appt this morning and my arm feels SO much better. I will continue to do my best to learn these techniques but if the day comes that insurance won’t cover continued P.T. and I am not able to reroute the fluid that is “puddling” in my arm and back I will be paying for it out of pocket as it offers that much relief. My prayer is that either my body can learn to re-route the fluid that can’t be processed as a result of all the lymph nodes that were taken out this year and last year, or that I can learn the techniques b/c that or God’s grace will be the only 3 ways I avoid full blown lymphedema. I’ve had a taste of it and I will manage if that is my future but I will ask for your continued prayers that I am able to avoid it.

Regarding my PET Scan ~ I still do not have the test results. I posted late today with the hope that I might receive them; I did not. As I told a dear friend of mine, “it is what it is and worrying about it isn’t going to change the outcome. Let us not forget that ultimately we are not the author of this script, God is, we are just blessed to be able to live it out”. So lets have some fun doing it!

Much love to each of you. Keep Looking RIGHT.
Lynn

Friday, June 10, 2005 6:37 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here this evening I am experiencing two milestones ~ the first is that my sweet girl is at her first weekend sleepover with her dear friend Ashlynn. Yesterday I drove the two of them to Waco, TX where I met up with the John and Charlotte McKay (Holly’s parents). They live in Austin and the girls joined them for the weekend and we met half way in Waco. I can’t believe my sweet girl is away for the weekend. She is (by her own admission) being spoiled rotten by Mame and Papa and she is loving every minute of it! So, there is milestone number one.

The second milestone is that my boy is experiencing his 1st “almost sleepover”. What is that you might ask? It is an opportunity for him to have his two dear friends Jay and Jack over for a pizza and movie party. They all have their P.J.’s on, and will stay up late watching an animated Batman movie with popcorn with Skittles in it (a tradition Auntie Terri insists upon). The boys get to stay up until 8pm and then Jay and Jack will go back across the street and Mommy Holly will tuck her boys in their beds, and I will tuck my sweet boy in his own bed. See…its “Almost a sleepover”.

I just hung up the phone with Dave is 21 miles North of Austin. He drove down there to visit with his friend Andrew and his family. He’s been wanting to go for months but with Taylor spending the week end in Austin and feeling a bit nervous about being so far from home Dave offered to go up for the night so that if she got scared she could drive home with him in the morning. So far she thinks she wants to stay. (Go figure she was spoiled with 4 desserts yesterday…who wouldn’t want to stay. HA!)

I almost forgot to mention the excitement we had Tuesday night. We took a 7pm run to the E.R. with Jacob running and sliding in his slippers on our marble in the entry way and slid into the column and cut his head open…it required 3 stitches; I told him it made him look tough. HA! He was very brave and did not cry when he received the stitches (that’s my boy). I asked him if he learned his lesson? He said he had but I noticed when Jay and Jack showed up he had the same slippers on and RAN to open the door to let them in…I guess the lesson was short lived. What is the saying? “Boys will be Boys.” That is SO TRUE. And as my Mother-in-Love says, “I wouldn’t want it any other way”.

As for me, I am doing fine. I had my P.T. appt this morning and my arm feels SO much better. I will continue to do my best to learn these techniques but if the day comes that insurance won’t cover continued P.T. and I am not able to reroute the fluid that is “puddling” in my arm and back I will be paying for it out of pocket as it offers that much relief. My prayer is that either my body can learn to re-route the fluid that can’t be processed as a result of all the lymph nodes that were taken out this year and last year, or that I can learn the techniques b/c that or God’s grace will be the only 3 ways I avoid full blown lymphedema. I’ve had a taste of it and I will manage if that is my future but I will ask for your continued prayers that I am able to avoid it.

Regarding my PET Scan ~ I still do not have the test results. I posted late today with the hope that I might receive them; I did not. As I told a dear friend of mine, “it is what it is and worrying about it isn’t going to change the outcome. Let us not forget that ultimately we are not the author of this script, God is, we are just blessed to be able to live it out”. So lets have some fun doing it.

Much love to each of you. Keep Looking RIGHT.
Lynn

Monday, June 6, 2005 8:40 PM CDT

Dear Long Lost Family and Friends,

My family thinks I've given up posting...HA! Nothing could be farther from the truth! It's been a CRAZY fun filled couple of weeks and I am looking forward to catching up on my journaling & in doing so visiting with all of you.

Let me start by saying Happy Birthday to my loving husband David. Dave turned 39 today I can hardly stand it...Next year he will be 40!! HA! I am laughing out loud as I type this because I am remembering my 30th Birthday Party bash that my family thru for me. My entire family (sister, Mom, Dad and a few friends) flew in from AZ for a surprise party that included 40 of my dearest friends and family members (my mother and father in-love hosted it for me it was grand)...but I digress...a friend of mine video taped various friends wishing me well & giving me advice on that my 30th birthday etc. The best interview by far was when my dear friend Jill Smail was taped saying, "Lynn I wish you well dear friend. But as for advice, I have none since I am yet a young pup of 29!”

HA!! I LOVED it then, and it is all I can do not to say those same words to my beloved!

Darling I love you. You are one of the most incredible blessings that our God has given to me (two more are our wonderful children). But as my dear friend Jill said, I have no words of wisdom on how to handle turning 39. Does one feel OLD? Possible the feeling impending doom as 40 is just around the corner? Or is it liberating? I am unsure as I am a mere pup at 35...HAHAHA!!! I can already hear the keys typing from my dear friends that have or will be soon nearing the big 40! I love you all!

So, you say that is all well and good but what's up? Well, Dave, the kids and I just returned from an 8-day trip to Cabo, Mexico. It was our 4th annual trip to Cabo. Each year in May or June we join my in-laws for a week as they have a time-share in Cabo at a wonderful resort at the Sheraton La Hacienda Del Mar. It is glorious and we feel so blessed to join them each year. The weather was marvelous and we enjoyed the beach, the pool (swim up bar HA!) Mexican Bingo and family dinners daily.

I have included a couple pics that I took on the trip (actually I took 50 but I will only subject you to 3 HA!)

I could ramble on forever but since it is Dave's birthday I will spare you the blow by blow details and suffice it to say that a great time was had by all; but we are glad to be home as we missed our friends and family.

I will close with two prayer requests. I

ONE: I have a PET Scan tomorrow morning (Tuesday) at 9am. Please pray that the scan goes perfectly and that we get a clear read. I am beyond asking that the test results come back with no cancer being detected, as ultimately if cancer is present I would rather know so that we can treat it proactively instead of reactively as it grows.

TWO: I will give more details at a later date, but my final prayer request would be that God would protect me from lymphedema. I have been seeing a P.T. for pre-lymphedema systems as I have some fluid that seems to be "puddling" in my upper arm and in my back shoulder area. I have been wearing an arm garment as I fly and periodically through out the days but I fear that without prayer and Gods help I will be in for years of dealing with full blown lymphedema as my symptoms are getting worse. If that is the case I will deal with it ~ but I know that I have some amazing prayer warriors that look after me and I would like to lean on you for support.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 8:12 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I haven’t had a chance to post with any regularity lately. The end of the school year is here and with 3 schools (Jake had 2) it has been a wonderfully busy time. Jacob is officially a kindergartener! Oh my gosh my baby is in elementary school! YIKES! I am blessed to be here and be able to enjoy it.

All is well with the Newman family. I got my blood work back from the endocrinologists and my thyroid seems to be coming back into the normal range with the addition of synthroid to my daily meds regime. Huge Praise.

I met with Barb on Monday and she indicated that my cancer levels continue to go down ~ this is also good news as that means that I appear to be responding well to the homeopathic meds as well. In fact, the really good news is that 1 of the 3 types of cancer cells in my lymph system is no longer present! Yahoo! Of course I still have 2 that are plus the breast cancer cell, but yeah I'll take some good news when it's given to me. God willing, it’s only a matter of time before all of them will be gone.

Now on to my dear friend Suzanne ~ She goes in at 2:30pm today to have surgery on her left leg to get clear margins surrounding the Melanoma that they removed 10 days ago. Please pray that the procedure goes well and for complete healing. She was blessed to find it early but as with any cancer we want all those nasty cancer cells out of her body forever.

Thank You for your steadfast prayers and uplifting words; they mean more than you know.

Much love to each of you, and keep looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Friday, May 13, 2005 3:00 PM CDT

Dear Friends & Family,

I am HOME….the Susan G. Komen Rally for the Cure Golf tournament that my sister organized on behalf of our Looking RIGHT organization went perfectly! It was So much fun. We ended up with just over 60 golfers and raised appx $7,000 that will be donated to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer research foundation! I wish I could take credit for this venture because it was amazing, but the truth is that my sister organized the entire thing with help from a few of her friends! I have included a couple pics in the photo gallery so y’all could see how beautiful it was. A big thank you to my sister Terri as she ROCKS!

I could go on and on but truthfully I have a friend that is heavy on my heart and I would like to take this opportunity to ask you pray for her. Here is her story.

My dear friend Suzanne (yes the sweet friend that attended all my chemo treatments that I wrote about so frequently) noticed a mark on her left thigh and thought it looked “suspicious”. As such, after much consideration she felt compelled to make an appointment with a dermatologist to inquire if she had a reason to be concerned. The answer was yes. The mark was removed immediately and the doctor was very certain that based on look, color, and texture that it was most likely melanoma. On Monday Suzanne received the call that indeed it was melanoma.

Suzanne and her husband met with a surgeon yesterday and were advised that on Wednesday of next week Suzanne would need to have an out patient surgical procedure preformed that will take 3mm margins around the affected area. Suzanne was lucky in that she caught this early as the growth measured 0.37mm in depth ~ anything over 1mm she would have had to have lymph nodes removed and tested for cancer. As it stands this is not necessary and in 90% of all cases the surgery she will be having on Wednesday will cure her. Please pray that this is the case.

That said I would like to request that we pray for Suzanne, and her family. Please pray that God gives them wisdom, strength, and peace as they go through the next steps to ensure that Suzanne is successfully treated and cured for melanoma.

Thank you so much for your loving concern and prayers for the Cobb family.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, April 30, 2005 1:03 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I received the most wonderfully insightful e-mail a couple days ago. I didn't have a chance to read it in it's entirety until today...it is wonderful. Please take the time to read Enjoy the Present...it'll change your mood, your outlook, and brighten your day.

Much love to each of you, and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Enjoy the Present

Do you ever just pause and thank God for the good things in your life? Hopefully, you have much for which you can be grateful. Maybe you would say that things aren’t very good. But, then again, maybe it’s your attitude that is not very good.

Perhaps your glass is half empty and you are just focusing on the empty half. I urge you today to deliberately look at the good half and thank God for your blessings.

Put things in perspective – remember the tsunami that brought terrible devastation a few months ago? So, how severe are your complaints? We have a friend whose house burned down a few weeks ago. As I pray for her daily, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my house that is still standing, though it is in need of many repairs and projects.

Seeing Things through God’s Eyes

In a marriage reconciliation course we asked husbands and wives (meeting separately) to write down what first attracted them to their spouse. One of the girls blurted out, “I can’t remember anything I ever liked about my husband!” I reminded her that she must have seen some admirable characteristics because nobody pushed her down that aisle and she married him by her choice. Making that list was homework for the next week’s class. Much to our amazement, the next week she came in just beaming. Here is what she reported, “I prayed and asked God to help me recall what I first saw and liked about this man because at the moment I did not like anything. Over a period of a few days I began to remember specific things that drew me to him. Amazingly, as I recalled those good characteristics I began to see them again in my husband.” The rest of this story is that this couple! experienced many miracles of God’s grace and their marriage is much more healthy and happy today.

Is There Any Reason to Rejoice at Your House?

So, back to the question – can you pause today and find reason to rejoice and enjoy your present situation – especially in your family? I hope so. Too often, we spend time looking back to a perceived "better time," or we focus too much on future goals that we hope to achieve. Stop today and count your blessings. Things probably aren't perfect in your marriage or family, but trust me; they are not perfect at anyone else's house either.

You have the potential to make every day a good day and a memorable day for each of your family members. Here are some suggestions of little things you can do that may make a big difference in the climate in your home:

• Tell your husband or wife something you appreciate about him/her today. Be specific. Do this even if you don't want to do it. You will be amazed at the positive power of words of appreciation.

• Next time your whole family is at the table together, look around and say, "I love this family just as we are today – warts and all! We are all at a fun age and I hope we take time to enjoy each other right now." Watch for the looks of joy and confidence that come over the faces of your family members.

• Choose to be enthusiastic over accomplishments of your family. Be proud of each one and encourage good choices.

• Do something unexpected that will please one or more of your family – light that candle, pull out the "special" plate to recognize some achievement, complete that project that you have been promising, load everybody in the car and go for ice cream.

Things may not be all that you hope for, but you can contribute to moving things in the right direction by choosing to display an attitude of gratitude!

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:11 & 18, Holman Christian Standard Bible).

God Bless Each of You!

Saturday, April 30, 2005 12:53 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I received the most wonderfully insightful e-mail a couple days ago. I didn't have a chance to read it in it's entirety until today. My friends it is wonderful. Please take the time to read "Enjoy the Present"...it'll chance your mood, your outlook, and brighten your day.

Much love to each of you, and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Enjoy the Present

Do you ever just pause and thank God for the good things in your life? Hopefully, you have much for which you can be grateful. Maybe you would say that things aren’t very good. But, then again, maybe it’s your attitude that is not very good.

Perhaps your glass is half empty and you are just focusing on the empty half. I urge you today to deliberately look at the good half and thank God for your blessings.

Put things in perspective – remember the tsunami that brought terrible devastation a few months ago? So, how severe are your complaints? We have a friend whose house burned down a few weeks ago. As I pray for her daily, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my house that is still standing, though it is in need of many repairs and projects.

Seeing Things through God’s Eyes

In a marriage reconciliation course we asked husbands and wives (meeting separately) to write down what first attracted them to their spouse. One of the girls blurted out, “I can’t remember anything I ever liked about my husband!” I reminded her that she must have seen some admirable characteristics because nobody pushed her down that aisle and she married him by her choice. Making that list was homework for the next week’s class. Much to our amazement, the next week she came in just beaming. Here is what she reported, “I prayed and asked God to help me recall what I first saw and liked about this man because at the moment I did not like anything. Over a period of a few days I began to remember specific things that drew me to him. Amazingly, as I recalled those good characteristics I began to see them again in my husband.” The rest of this story is that this couple! experienced many miracles of God’s grace and their marriage is much more healthy and happy today.

Is There Any Reason to Rejoice at Your House?

So, back to the question – can you pause today and find reason to rejoice and enjoy your present situation – especially in your family? I hope so. Too often, we spend time looking back to a perceived "better time," or we focus too much on future goals that we hope to achieve. Stop today and count your blessings. Things probably aren't perfect in your marriage or family, but trust me; they are not perfect at anyone else's house either.

You have the potential to make every day a good day and a memorable day for each of your family members. Here are some suggestions of little things you can do that may make a big difference in the climate in your home:

• Tell your husband or wife something you appreciate about him/her today. Be specific. Do this even if you don't want to do it. You will be amazed at the positive power of words of appreciation.

• Next time your whole family is at the table together, look around and say, "I love this family just as we are today – warts and all! We are all at a fun age and I hope we take time to enjoy each other right now." Watch for the looks of joy and confidence that come over the faces of your family members.

• Choose to be enthusiastic over accomplishments of your family. Be proud of each one and encourage good choices.

• Do something unexpected that will please one or more of your family – light that candle, pull out the "special" plate to recognize some achievement, complete that project that you have been promising, load everybody in the car and go for ice cream.

Things may not be all that you hope for, but you can contribute to moving things in the right direction by choosing to display an attitude of gratitude!

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:11 & 18, Holman Christian Standard Bible).

God Bless Each of You!

Thursday, April 28, 2005 7:16 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Huge PRAISE today as Dr. Sachson delivered the news that he does not believe cancer is present in my thyroid!

He reviewed the last 2 PET Scans, 2 orders of lab blood work, and the ultrasound that was preformed on my thyroid. Based on that information he was able to concluded that I have hypothyroidism i.e., chronic low functioning thyroid. To give you an idea of what this means a normal TSA range for thyroid is 0.4 - 4.4 my level came back at 43! Opps I have always known that I was a little off! HA! I was taken back when I saw this but he explained that he has patients that have had their thyroids taken out and their levels are over 400+ and he said they are fine as long as they stay on their meds; and I will be too.

He said that he and I would become life long friends as I will need to have blood work quarterly to check my levels and adjust my meds as necessary but he said my condition is very treatable in fact he said I have a "run of the mill low functioning thyroid diagnosis” I haven't had a "run of the mill" diagnosis for more than 2 years... I will happily take my Synthroid daily for the rest of my life and be ecstatic to do so! HA!!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers, words of encouragement, and continued support. They mean more than my simple words can express.

I go in tomorrow to have my blood drawn, I will post again as soon as Dr. Sachson calls me w/ the results.

Much love to each of you and keep looking RIGHT! I know I am! Praise GOD my friends!! He is so faithful!!

Lynn

Friday, April 22, 2005 7:39 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I have the most amazing story to share with all of you. The past few days I have been trying to find an endocrinologist in Dallas. My surgeon Dr. Hampe referred me to a doctor; unfortunately that doctor no longer accepts my insurance so that door was closed. I called Dr. Hapme's office back to see if I could get a 2nd referral but they didn't have any other endocrinologists they refer to, as such they suggested that I pick a doctor out of my insurance book. My heart sank as that is NEVER the way one likes to choose a doctor, especially when cancer is involved...you always want to be seen by the best in the field. I was so disheartened, then out of the blue I got an e-mail yesterday from a friend that found me from my website, her name is Yvonne. She has become somewhat of an angel to me as she forwards me scripture and words of encouragement almost everyday. Often when I post amazing stories they come from Yvonne! But I digress...

Yvonne sent me an e-mail with the name of a doctor that her daughter works for ~ he's an endocrinologist his office is infact the best in Dallas. I called him immediately, but to my disappointment he doesn't accept my insurance either. Then I get a call from Yvonne, her daughter spoke to the office manager and shared my story...she subsequently shared it with another doc in the practice and as a result I got a call today at 4pm to advise that I have an appt at 10am Thursday! HUGE praise!! I cannot begin to tell you how relieved I am. As you can imagine I have a lot of paperwork and test results that I need to pull together in the next few days but I am so grateful to Yvonne and her daughter for their help in securing my appointment with Dr. Sachson.

Please pray that the appointment goes well. I am hopeful that we will receive information that will confirm or deny if cancer is present in my thyroid as Barb thinks that it is. If it is that an action plan can be put into place, and if is not what I can do to heal the hypothyroid & thyroiditis conditions that were diagnosed last month.

Over the past two days people all around me have been seeing Red Cardinals! It is incredible!! As if that weren’t enough Holly and I were talking briefly as she dropped off Jacob yesterday and the most beautiful large butterfly flew right in between us…there are angels all around my friends! Everywhere! God is so faithful!

Much love to all of you!
Lynn

Monday, April 18, 2005 8:46 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 8:00pm as I sit down to journal this evening. It has been a full day, but a good day. As I posted earlier this morning I had an opportunity to meet with Barb today. She gave Dave and I the good news that I am responding well to the homeopathic meds. My counts for breast cancer and Lymphoma (cancer in my Lymphatic system) are going down. This is great news!

As some of you have noticed, I have not posted recently. To be honest I have felt like I was in a holding pattern. I know I still have cancer, we can’t necessarily quantify how much, I didn’t respond to chemo, I’ve had all the radiation I can have on this part of my body… that said we prayed that God would guide us through the balance of the healing process. He answered our prayer by leading us to Barb. 5 months later I still feel very strongly that this is true; we were definitely led to Barb. Some people have questioned why I am so confident that I will be healed by homeopathic meds when I didn’t respond to the powerful chemotherapy meds that I endured over the past 2 years. The answer quite frankly lies in faith. God continues to answer my prayers. I prayed last night that God would give us the answers I needed to hear from Barb at today’s meeting. Not the answers I wanted to hear, but the answers I needed to know. As I pulled up to Barb’s house I was talking to Jenny Gwynn. I interrupted her mid sentence saying, “Jenny STOP, STOP…there are two red cardinals that just flew by and landed on the tree in Barb’s front yard!!” We were both so excited!

For those that may not know the story, the Red Cardinal is the bird that reminds me of my maternal Grandmother. She passed away the week I started chemo in 2003. I wasn’t able to attend her funeral as my white counts were too low, but ever since Red Cardinals have been present around my house. It is God way of telling me that everything is going to be o.k. He is present and hears my prayers. That is why I know I’ll be o.k.

After giving us the good news that my counts were declining for breast cancer and lymphatic cancer she tested all other vital organs and all were clear except my thyroid. Cancer is present in my thyroid. Although this is not the news I wanted to hear, it does make sense. I had what the oncologist called a “hot spot” on my thyroid on my last PET Scan. It worried Dr. Hampe enough that he ordered an ultra sound of the thyroid last month. The ultra sound report indicated that there was swelling of the thyroid they assume that this was most likely caused by the radiation treatments I endured. About 10 days ago I got a call from Dr. Stokoe’s office (my oncologist) and he indicated that when my blood work came back my thyroid level were SIGNIFICANTLY off. He recommended that I immediately go back on Synthroid. I did, but I had a pit in my stomach as I still didn’t know what the problem was. Looking back on the PET Scan, and blood work, it makes sense that cancer is present in the thyroid.

Barb felt confident that the meds I am on, coupled with the additional meds that she will start me on should be able to rid my body of the cancer. With the sign I received today as I pulled up to her house ~ I know I’ll be fine. I really do have peace about it. It may take some time to completely heal my body, but I have faith that I will be o.k.

For those of you that are thinking, “is she going to follow up with an M.D. with these findings?” the answer is yes. I plan to make a call to Dr. Hampe my surgeon and have him refer me to an endocrinologist for further tests. I will be honest and say that I will not ever do chemo again, but I certainly am open to any and all testing and other courses of medicine and surgery if that is ever needed. But honestly I do not foresee that being necessary.

I hope this letter finds you well and I will look forward to hearing from y’all!

Much love to all of you and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Monday, April 18, 2005 8:27 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I laughed out loud at Jenny Gwynn's entry...where's Waldo? Love it my friend. All is finally well at the Newman household. We were a sick crew there for a while but we are on the mend...Praise God!

I am off to go see Barb (my homeopathic R.N.) this morning so I will do an abbreviated post now, and update it after my appt.

I hope all is well with you and yours.

Love to each of you!
Lynn

Friday, April 8, 2005 10:07 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

A friend of mine sent this Poem this to me this morning. It is beautiful!

Enjoy and Have a Blessed Day!
Lynn

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day
of my life, ever.

There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did!
and because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart.
I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:
the morning dew, the sun, the clouds,
the trees, the flowers, the birds.
Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.
Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people.
I'll make someone smile.
I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know.

Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll
tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care
for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful
for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry
is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens.
I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God
for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life, and I will sleep the sleep of a contented child,
excited with expectation because I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

Much Love to all of you and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, April 5, 2005 1:30 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I have not been able to post in so long. Our entire family ended up coming down with what was diagnosed as a sinus infection but given that we didn’t respond to antibiotics they are now assuming that it was a virus. Dave and I have been running fevers for the past 3 days of 101-104 degrees and have been living on Motrin and Tylenol, LOTS of Propel, popcycles, and yogurt (as that is the only think that will help the sore throats!) This morning we finally turned a corner and our fevers broke. I can only imagine that it was due to prayer as no meds were working. We both still feel tired, and congested but the fact that both our fevers broke this morning is amazing.!

That said, I finally got the energy to get online today and a friend of mine sent me a message that was so timely. As you know, I have been taking care of sick children for the past week, and then on Friday Dave and I got sick. I don’t know about you, but when I am sick I just want someone to take care of me. At least for me, the person who does this best is my Mom (Dave would argue for his Mom and rightfully so). Unfortunately my Mom and Dad left on Saturday to move back to Arizona, and Dave’s parents had to go back to Colorado to help is sister who had surgery 10days ago and has 4 kids the youngest are twin babies! While we encouraged them both to press forward with their plans our hearts were screaming….”I just want my Mom!” But we managed. Anyway, as I read the below story, I was so touched as when I was just finishing the read, the phone rings…. it was my Mom! God works in mysterious ways doesn’t he? Praise him!

Much love to all of you!
Lynn

BEING A MOTHER

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other
woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three
children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What’s wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who
suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting." We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation-nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son." At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ... Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother,
"normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct ... Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring.. Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"..... Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ... Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.... Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you couldn’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first .... Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books..Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of
kindergarten .. Or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ....Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married.....Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her....Somebody isn't a mother.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Thursday, March 31, 2005 2:29 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I haven’t been able to post with any consistency lately. Both Taylor and Jacob have been sick since Monday. We were at the pediatricians office yesterday morning and it appears that Taylor has a virus that is keeping her down and her body is running a chronic fever of 99-102 degrees depending upon when her last dose of Motrin was. Jacob was running a fever yesterday and had developed a cough that Dr. Kaplan diagnosed as Bronchitis. Poor little guy. He seemed to be doing o.k. and I gave him his 3rd breathing treatment, antibiotics, and Motrin and tucked him in bed at 7:30pm. By 9:15am he was stumbling down the stairs crying telling us that his head hurt, “SO bad!” and that he could see very well. He then proceeded to vomit 3 times in as many minutes. I phoned his pediatrician and they immediately sent us to the E.R. The ER docs ordered a CAT scan of the head, chest X-Ray, requested a respiratory therapist evaluation, ran blood work, step culture, and finally ordered IV antibiotics. We finally left the E.R. around 1:15am and fell into bed around 1:40am. The CAT Scan of the head came back clear as did the chest X-Ray. They were able to rule out Strep but confirmed that he had a severe case of Bronchitis thus the IV antibiotics. He will be fine in a few days but he does not feel well today. Taylor is also home from school again as we cannot get her fever to break. Please pray for healing for my sweet pumpkins ~ they feel so terrible.

I have to say that I have such compassion for the parents that are struggling with serious illness with there children. I can handle a CAT Scan, IV’s etc. but to see your child endure them it is ten fold more difficult. I am so grateful for the good news that we received; Jacob and Taylor will be fine but the fear that I had as Jake went through the CAT Scan was unspeakable. My outlook is with out a doubt forever changed. As Jacob and I were sitting in the ER room waiting to be taken back for his tests I prayed that God would wrap his arms around Jacob and comfort him. He did just that. Jacob was fearless. He went through the CAT Scan, X-Ray and even the blood work and IV antibiotics and was so brave…not one tear. For some of you that don’t know Jake he is my sensitive boy; he is also our “baby” and acts every bit the part though he is 5 ½ . He cries when Taylor gets a throat culture! God is so gracious, and I am so thankful!

I don’t ever want to forget this newfound perspective. I read an article recently that spoke to the importance of daily journaling. It is so amazing; I wanted to share the thoughts with you.

I remember the days of old;I meditate on all You have done;
I reflect on the work of Your hands.

Psalm 143:5, Holman Christian Standard Bible

When life is right on top of you, when you're wrestling with every detail of your current concerns and troubles, it's hard to imagine a day when you won't be able to recall the way you feel right now or remember how difficult this certain decision was. More importantly, it seems impossible that you won't reflect on how God met you in your misery, pulling you through at the last minute, in ways you never expected.

But that day will come. And with it another new challenge, perhaps different but no less imposing, no less complex than the situation before.

Then one morning, your stomach in a knot, you'll pull out your personal journal, flip to a page dated two or three years back, and be suddenly transported to another time and place, to another crossroads conflict that seemed so huge at the time. Wow, you'd almost forgotten about it. Look how desperate you were. Feel the pain in your words. And remember the faithfulness of God -- the God who's still here, to deal with the pressure that's so fresh today.

Amen to that!
Much love to each of you, and Keep Looking RIGHT….to God!
Lynn

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 8:12 AM CST

Dear Friends & Family,

A friend of mine sent this to me and I thought it was so good that I am choosing to post it in its entirety. It is a bit long…but worth the read.

Much love to all of you, Lynn

***He who is not content with what he has will not be content with what he wants.

Life may seem like a race to accumulate more money, more wealth, more status, and more possessions. Sadly, many people are very greedy and look only for ways to get more for themselves, thinking, "If I could just get this certain thing, then I would be happy."

However, greed is not the path to contentment. Greed is when you always want a little bit more. Yet, greed causes you to never be satisfied, because you always want more and as soon as you get what you want, you want even more. And so you never get what you want, because what you really want is contentment.

The old cliche "money cannot buy happiness" really is true.
It is no wonder Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.

Likewise, Hebrews 13:5 tells us: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." In other words, God is enough to keep any person content and joyful.

The fact that God is always with you and that He will never leave you ought to be a cause of great joy in your life.

The apostle Paul knew how to be content. In Philippians 4:11-13, he said, I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

In other words, Paul said that regardless of his immediate circumstances he could be content. Why? Because he lived his life through Christ and in Christ. In short, Paul knew that the secret of being content is God!

If you don't have peace and joy right now where you are in your life, please understand that getting more things will not give you contentment. Instead, you need to seek God, because He is the source of true contentment. Then, once you have established God as the source of your contentment, you can be content in any and every situation.
Listen to your prayers, because they locate your level of spiritual maturity.

What are you praying for? Are you asking God to give you more stuff--a bigger house, a new car, a bigger salary? What you pray for indicates what is important to you.
It is a great lesson to examine what the people in the
Bible prayed for.

King David, in Psalm 27:4, prayed, One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. He asked God for just one thing: that he would dwell in God's presence. David clearly knew that in God's presence he would receive everything he needed (see Matthew 6:33).
Paul also didn't pray for worldly things. Instead, in Philippians 1:9, Paul prayed that the church would walk in love: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more. Paul knew the importance of love, and so he made it a point to pray that the church would grow more and more in love.

Furthermore, he prayed that believers would be strengthened spiritually: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being (Ephesians 3:16).

In short, your prayers can tell what you consider to be important. If you are only praying for worldly stuff, then you are neglecting what is of lasting value: knowing God, dwelling in His presence, walking in His love, and being strong spiritually.

Therefore, decide to adjust what you're praying for. Learn to listen to your prayers, because they locate your level of spiritual maturity.

Friday, March 25, 2005 9:17 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I started this post with a story in mind that a friend forwarded to me. It is a terrific story. As I re-read it I felt compelled to open the book I often turn to while I am journaling, God is in the Small Stuff by: Bruce & Stan. I opened to chapter twenty-nine it spoke on compassion. The authors present an interesting point, they contend that it is possible to be a generous person and still lack compassion for others. Here is their example ~ it flows beautifully into the story I wanted to share with you this evening called the Wooden Bowl.

“Simply giving something away- whether it is your money or your time- doesn’t necessarily mean you have compassion for someone else. Never make the mistake of equating generosity with compassion. If anything, a generous spirit flows from your compassion, not the other way around. True compassion means that see other people the way that God sees them. It means looking into the heart of these people that God, for one reason or another brings into your life. These people may be complete strangers, or they may be people you’ve know – or at least known about – for years. They all have one thing in common: they are loved equally by God who made them in his image.

… True compassion reaches out [to fill a need, whether the need is physical or spiritual]. True compassion expresses itself with a kind word or encouragement, or a cool cup of water…

* Don’t wait to do one great thing for God in your lifetime. Rather, do many good little things for the sake of His kingdom, which in itself is a great thing.

* Get to know your intuitions; God may be speaking with you.

* What happens to you may be an accident. How you respond to it is not.

* Help the helpless and give to the needy, but do it out of compassion, not pity.

THE WOODEN BOWL

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon and onto the floor. When he grasped the glass milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about Grandfather", said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he had dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child curiously, "What are you making?"
Sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went
back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening, the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.

And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, when milk was spilled, or when the tablecloth was soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you will miss them when they are gone from your life.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and a late friend.

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Don’t we all!

I will close with one last thought… “Your care for others is a measure of your greatness.” Let’s all aim for greatness.

Much love to all of you, & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, March 23, 2005 9:35 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Over the past few weeks I found it increasingly difficult to post with the same frequency as I once did. Truth be told God has blessed my family and me with days that are filled with Joy instead of fear as we move forward with my healing. As such, days that go by that I feel I don’t have much to say. However, I have had many people ask that I continue to post as they have drawn strength my journaling…so I prayed about it. I prayed that God would guide me so that I might help others. I am not quite sure where this journey will lead me; I am also unsure how he will use me to help others, but I am open to him revealing his plan in his time. He answered one of my prayers today. He blessed me with many words of wisdom that came from several sources; it’s been an amazing day. I would like to take this opportunity to share one of the messages with you now~

Positive Thanksgiving
The LORD gives His people strength; the LORD blesses His people with peace. - PSALM 29:11
Here is a prescription for overcoming frustration. Look for something good to come out of everything that appears bad. How I wish I could hammer this thought into the mind of every Christian. Nowadays, it is almost second nature with me to look for a positive in every negative, but it was not always so. At one time, whenever anything bad happened to me, I used to say: "Oh no, not again! Just when everything seemed to be going right! Why should this happen to me?" I learned, however, to apply this principle, and I can honestly say it has transformed my life and ministry.

This also means learning to thank God for the good that is emerging, instead of brooding over any loss that has been sustained. This positive thanksgiving will make your heart receptive to God’s power. He can do anything with a thankful heart, but He will usually do little or nothing with a complaining, self-pitying heart. It is closed to grace.

Also, find someone who is going through difficult circumstances, and help them find victory. Someone has said, "Sorrow expands the soul for joy." For joy? Yes - the joy of being useful and creative. God uses frustrating circumstances to prune you for fruit-bearing.
And the lessons you have learned will go even deeper as you share them with others. Expression deepens impression. If you incorporate your sorrows, they will multiply. And if you incorporate your blessings, they too will multiply. Learn this secret, and it will help you stay spiritually on top - no matter what.

I absolutely love that message! It has been delivered to me time and time again in different ways. It is about looking right my friends. Focus on why you are going through life’s challenges, and focus on God’s blessings. Find the joy in it. I know I have.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, March 22, 2005 7:03 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, it seems that the past few days have been a bit crazy. Dave’s surgery went well. Although he would challenge anyone who claimed that it is a “breeze” he seemed to be 80% by Sunday, well enough to work out on his lifecycle (which isn’t saying much given that he can’t go more then 2 days with out with drawls….I’ve always wished I was more like him in that regard!). By Monday morning he had to be o.k. as duty called him out of bed by 4am to catch a 6:30am flight to Chicago. Uggh! His last words before he left at 4:30am….I am livin’ the life! HA! It’s an inside joke …love ya baby! He called me at 6:30pm this evening and was on the way to the airport to catch a flight home. Truth be told I don’t know exactly when he lands he just said LATE! He gets a day reprieve and then has to fly to New York for the day. All I can say is JET LAG! Poor guy.

Our dear friends the Crandell’s are as we speak on a Caribbean Cruise. I noticed that Holly posted today (God love her for keeping us posted even while she is on vacation.) We MISS YOU GUYS! I can’t wait to hear all about your trip. I am certain they are having the time of their lives!

Taylor is on Spring Break this week and is LOVING every minute of it. She has slept in (6:45am is sleeping in to her) and stayed in her P.J.s until 9am everyday. She and Lili (Kathy’s daughter) have been playing non-stop for 3 days. They are such a hoot. Tomorrow she has a friend coming over from church. She is so excited.

Jacob wasn’t happy that he had school this week and Taylor got to stay home…until he realized that he had an Easter Egg Hunt 2 of the 4 days at school this week and Easter Parties the other 2 days! Then he was more than happy to get ready for school with a cheerful heart. HA!

As for me, I am fine. No news is good news at this point. I go visit Dr. Stokoe (my oncologist) on Tuesday. He will most likely run blood work to check my tumor markers and my thyroid. I’ll update you as soon as I know anything. The next appt I have is 3 wks later with Barb. I am really looking forward to that appt!

I have just been called by my children to come watch American Idol! HA! I love it that they want to watch this show! I’ll let you know their favorites…

Much love to each of you and keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Thursday, March 17, 2005 3:16 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am in an interesting position today....Let me explain: For the past 20 months I have been taken care of by my husband, parents, in-laws and friends during 2 surgeries, 12 chemo therapy sessions and 58 radiation session...today I am blessed to be the care giver to my husband as he recovers from his vasectomy. I know all you male readers are doing a collective "Ohhhh....!" I am too.

Dave’s first words he said to me after the doctor allow me in post surgery was, “I don’t know what those guys who say IT’S NO BIG DEAL are talking about…. At the point that the doctor is taking pieces (albeit small) out of THAT area…it’s never a good thing! It was functioning just fine!!!” Then he was talking about some very large scalpels and he lost me…I think the drugs started to kick in.

The good news is that the surgery went exactly as it should have; and if Dave stays down and sticks to his game plan of watching college basketball (March Maddness I think) all week end he should be good as new by Monday. Please say a prayer that is the case.

Taylor is finally feeling like herself again. She made it back to school yesterday just in time for her class picture, and today for St. Patrick's Day (we all have green on with the exception of Dave and I don't think it would be kind to pinch a man in his condition...HA!)

I hope all of you are having a blessed day.
Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, March 15, 2005 5:09 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been a cold, overcast day in Dallas today. It is days like today that I look at my bracelet frequently and remember to "Look RIGHT"! I am such a sunshine gal that the gray skies make me a bit melancholy…so I am Looking RIGHT!

Taylor woke up feeling miserable this morning. She complained of a tummy ache and a headache; both normal side affects of tonsillitis. However, her meds seemed to kick in this afternoon and her energy is up. I am prayerful that she will feel significantly better in the morning, and may even make it to school. Please say a prayer that this will happen; she is missing her friends and her teacher Miss Williams (what a blessing this woman is!).

I had a conversation with a friend of mine this afternoon and she shared with me a desire that she and her husband have, to keep God at the Focus of their lives. She reminded me of the following passage:

Matthew 6:33 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well.”

To “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with his desires, to take his character for your pattern, and to serve and obey him in everything.

What is really important to you? People objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly bump God out of first place if you don’t actively choose to give him first place in every area of your life.

The book I am reading called God is in the Small Stuff speaks to this very thought. The authors maintain, and I agree, that, “Seeing God in the ‘Big Things’ in life is easy. The more difficult task-yet a challenge just as rewarding- is seeing God in our everyday, mundane activities. We need to have a ‘God consciousness’ about the details of our lives. We mustn’t overlook God in the small stuff”. They go on to say,” When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose”.

WOW! I love that! When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose! Household chores can become an opportunity to express love and care for members of our family. A walk to the mailbox may be a chance to talk to a neighbor that may desperately need your words of encouragement. A day at work may become an opportunity to witness about our Lord. How amazing is that!

My prayer for each of you is that each of you will choose to live your life with an overwhelming sense that God is present in the details all around you.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, March 15, 2005 5:08 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been a cold, overcast day in Dallas today. It is days like today that I look at my bracelet frequently and remember to "Look RIGHT"! I am such a sunshine gal that the gray skies make me a bit melancholy…so I am Looking RIGHT!

Taylor woke up feeling miserable this morning. She complained of a tummy ache and a headache; both normal side affects of tonsillitis. However, her meds seemed to kick in this afternoon and her energy is up. I am prayerful that she will feel significantly better in the morning, and may even make it to school. Please say a prayer that this will happen; she is missing her friends and her teacher Miss Williams (what a blessing this woman is!).

I had a conversation with a friend of mine this afternoon and she shared with me a desire that she and her husband have, to make sure they keep God at the Focus of their lives. She reminded me of the following passage:

Matthew 6:33 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well.”

To “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with his desires, to take his character for your pattern, and to serve and obey him in everything.

What is really important to you? People objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly bump God out of first place if you don’t actively choose to give him first place in every area of your life.

The book I am reading called God is in the Small Stuff speaks to this very thought. The authors maintain, and I agree, that, “Seeing God in the ‘Big Things’ in life is easy. The more difficult task-yet a challenge just as rewarding- is seeing God in our everyday, mundane activities. We need to have a ‘God consciousness’ about the details of our lives. We mustn’t overlook God in the small stuff”. They go on to say,” When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose”.

WOW! I love that! When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose! Household chores can become an opportunity to express love and care for members of our family. A walk to the mailbox may be a chance to talk to a neighbor that may desperately need your words of encouragement. A day at work may become an opportunity to witness about our Lord. How amazing is that!

My prayer for each of you is that each of you will choose to live your life with an overwhelming sense that God is present in the details all around you. If you do this there will be no boring moments.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, March 15, 2005 4:34 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been a cold, overcast day in Dallas today. It is days like today that I look at my bracelet frequently and remember to "Look RIGHT"! I am such a sunshine gal that the gray skies make me a bit melancholy…so I will choose Look RIGHT!

Taylor woke up feeling miserable this morning. She complained of a tummy ache and a headache; both normal side affects of tonsillitis. However, her meds seemed to kick in this afternoon and her energy is up. I am prayerful that she will feel significantly better in the morning, and may even make it to school. Please say a prayer that this will happen; she is missing her friends and her teacher Miss Williams (what a blessing this woman is!).

I had a conversation with a friend of mine this afternoon and she shared with me a desire that she and her husband have, to make sure they keep God at the Focus of their lives. She reminded me of the following passage:

Matthew 6:33 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well.”

To “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with his desires, to take his character for your pattern, and to serve and obey him in everything.

What is really important to you? People objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly bump God out of first place if you don’t actively choose to give him first place in every area of your life.

The book I am reading called God is in the Small Stuff speaks to this very thought. The authors maintain, and I agree, “Seeing God in the ‘Big Things’ in life is easy. The more difficult task-yet a challenge just as rewarding- is seeing God in our everyday, mundane activities. We need to have a ‘God consciousness’ about the details of our lives. We mustn’t overlook God in the small stuff”.

They go on to say, ”When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose”.

WOW! I love that! When we realize that God is in the ordinary, our daily grind suddenly has meaning and purpose! Household chores can become an opportunity to express love and care for members of our family. A walk to the mailbox may be a chance to talk to a neighbor that may desperately need your words of encouragement. A day at work may become an opportunity to witness about our Lord. How amazing is that!

My prayer for each of you is that each of you will choose to live your life with an overwhelming sense that God is present in the details all around you. If you do this there will be no boring moments.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Monday, March 14, 2005 3:47 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Whew what a day! I will give you the readers digest version as I could fill several pages with all the details.

I had my appointment this morning at 10am at the Women’s Diagnostic Center where they preformed a mammogram on both breasts, a sonogram on my thyroid, both breasts, under my right arm, and right clavicle bone (that is where the 9 lymph nodes were removed in Novembers surgery). The results were good.

· No tumors in either breast via Sonogram or Mammogram.
· I have thyroiditis (yes apparently this is a word). Basically Dr. Winn told me that my thyroid is swollen & this is most likely due to radiation. He saw nothing that concerned him regarding cancer.

He let me go with an, “All good news today Mrs. Newman” and all I could say was PRAISE the LORD! He agreed.

I ran (literally) out of that appt and David met me in the parking lot of our Pediatricians office. He brought Taylor to me so that we wouldn't miss her 12pm appt. She has Tonsillitis!! Poor thing. She didn’t even complain of a sore throat! What a trooper. I told her, “The good news is that you get to have LOTS of Popsicles over the next few days!” She laughed and thought that was the deal.

After leaving Dr. Kaplan’s office we were suppose to pick up Jacob and go to the kids dental appt (that had been scheduled for 6 months) but w/ Taylor’s recent diagnosis I called ahead to let them know she was ill and they quickly told me that we needed to reschedule. Jacob got a “stay” as he was going to have his front tooth pulled out today at his appt. This tooth has been loose for 3 wks and the permanent tooth is growing in behind his baby tooth…he is quite a site! The dentist told me to have him wiggle it, to which I quickly said, “We have been for 3 wks he just won’t do it hard enough to make it fall out!” Oh well, it’ll come out in it’s own time I suppose. He was not at all bummed that he got an extra 3 weeks out of the deal. HA!

Thank you so much for your prayers! They were much needed and very much appreciated!

Much Love to each of you, and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Sunday, March 13, 2005 8:02 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Sunday afternoon and this weekend has been a blur. Yesterday started with Jacob’s soccer game where the mighty Stingray’s were victorious over their competitors. Jake was not at the top of his game, I think his asthma was acting up. He had fun though.

Later that afternoon I had a chance to visit with a dear childhood friend of mine Melissa (but she’ll always be Missy to me). Missy and I were friends & next-door neighbors growing up in Rochester, MN until my family moved away in 7th grade. We haven’t seen each other in years (10 at least) but as is always the case with good friends we picked up as if no time had passed. I had an opportunity to meet her two sweet girls and enjoy the warm weather that God blessed us with yesterday. It would have been perfect but for the fact that my sweet Taylor has started running a fever since yesterday mid-day and just hasn’t been herself since. As such, I am sure we’ll be making a trip to our Pediatrician tomorrow if her fever doesn’t break.

Dave took advantage of the sunshine, and braved the cold wind on the Golf course as he and his friend Todd hit 9 holes this afternoon(Todd is Holly's husband). While the kids were playing nicely I had a chance to watch a movie my sister purchased for me called, Pay it Forward. It is a terrific movie; if you haven’t seen you really must.

The premise of the movie is that a 7th Grade Social Studies Teacher challenges his class to think of a concept that could change the world. One of his students, Trevor, comes up with a concept he calls, “Paying it Forward”. The model is that one person performs a selfless & extraordinary act for 3 people. Those 3 in turn each help 3 others thus affecting 9…and so on, and so on. The thought is that before long 1 person will have touched, and thereby helped countess people’s lives by simply going out of their way for 3 people. I LOVE this idea! If we all did this, loving gestures could change the world. What a beautiful concept…

I will close with a couple prayer requests. First, please say a prayer of healing for my sweet girl. She is still running a fever as of 7:30pm when I tucked her in. She is extremely pale and very lethargic. Second, I have a follow up mammogram/sonogram, as well as a sonogram on my thyroid tomorrow morning at 10am. Please pray that all goes well with these tests.

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Thursday, March 10, 2005 7:42 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

How are all of you? I hope this letter finds you well. I'd love to hear from ya'll.

Yesterday was such a fun day. The sun was shinning, my father-in-law Dean came over and he and Jacob played basketball, Sorry, Skip-Bo and watched House of Mouse! Jake was in heaven as it saved him from running errands with Mom. HA! He is such a love. Thank you so much Dean.

Last night I had an opportunity to have dinner with some girls that live in my neighborhood, as well as a good friend Dena that used to live in here but her husband took a job in Mpls. OH, it was so good to see you Dena. You look fabulous as usual. I can't wait until ya'll move back. I will pray that it won't be the 1.5yrs that you are predicting. In any event I will look forward to seeing you this summer when you come back for another visit!

Taylor had a milestone moment this morning. For those that don't know my sweet girl is 7 and is in 1st Grade. I have been carpooling with a friend of mine Pam this year and we take turns taking the girls to school (her daughter Julia is 5 and is in Kindergarten). This morning Taylor asks me, "Mommy, can I walk to Ms. Pam's car by myself? You know I am not 2 anymore, I can do it myself." OH....Man! She was just as sweet as she could be, but it definitely makes a Mother realize that her daughter is growing up. Where did the past 7 years go? Before I know it she'll be a teenager. Wow that's a scary thought.

I hope you all are having a blessed day.
Much love to you,
Lynn

Tuesday, March 8, 2005 6:01 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

What a glorious day in Dallas, TX. I can always tell when it has been a pretty day here as my mood is so much brighter. My spirit just needs to see and feel the sunshine!

The big news for today is that Jacob joined his buddies Jay and Jack Crandell for ROCK CLIMBING camp! Paul Ottenstein you'd be so proud! HA! He LOVED IT! I will admit that it took some encouragement to get him there as it is out of his element (a dare devil he is not!). But once there, he saw his friends scaling the wall he decided that it was safe and harnessed up. Before I knew it he was up the wall ringing the bell. It was so cool! He loved it and wants to go back on Thursday. What fun!

I have been catching up on my reading lately and I read a chapter in the book God is in the Small Stuff by: Bruce and Stan. The Chapter is called The God Who Comforts Us and it was terrific. Here is a bit of what spoke to me:

..."Sometimes the hurt is so deep that no human words can help relieve the pain. No mere bandage can cover the damage.

That is when you need to look beyond human comfort to something much more effective - the comfort of God. This isn't some mystical, faraway concept. God really does provide comfort to those who call upon Him in times of need. The trouble is that many people are so busy blaming God for their troubles that they don't even realize how close He is and how much He wants to comfort them. Unlike human comfort, which feels good for the moment, God's comfort supplies strength for a lifetime.

...Go to Him in prayer and through His Word. (The Bible) There you'll find strength, safety, and solace."

*One of the reason God comforts us is so that we can comfort others.

*It is possible for God to give you comfort without removing your adversity.

*God doesn't promise you a life without difficulties. But He does promise that He will always be with you."

I just love this book it is so thought provoking. I hope you enjoyed it too.

I would like to close by thanking all of you that are helping to spread the Looking RIGHT message by purchasing the Looking RIGHT pink and red awareness bracelets. I feel incredibly humbled that so many of you embracing the notion that we need to focus on God's blessings (Looking RIGHT)! Thank you all so much.

Much love to each of you!
Lynn

Monday, March 7, 2005 10:30 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. The Newman family had a wonderful weekend that began with Dave and I having some quality time together just the two of us Friday evening. The kids were having a ball in the playroom and Dave and I enjoyed an hour and a half of each other’s company at the club. What a blessing to lock eyes on this man with out interruption. Seems like Dave’s traveling has picked up substantially lately and there is no end in site. As such, we have learned to take full advantage of our time when he is in town.

Saturday was such a fun day. It started with the entire family SLEEPING IN! YEAH! Jacob’s soccer game didn’t start until 11am so we were still in our P.J.’s at 9:45am! Wahoo!! The mighty Stingray’s were out in full force on Sat stomping their competitors. Our sweet boy scored TWO goals! It was fantastic watching him, as it all seemed to click on Sat. It was as though you could see his little brain say, “OH…the ball goes into the net!!” Now I get it! HA! What at privilege to watch these boys!

Later Taylor had her best friend Ashlynn come over to play for several hours. A great time was had by all! The evening concluded with Dave and I meeting Suzanne, her Husband Chris, and Patty and her husband Dan for dinner at a great restaurant in Old McKinney. It was SO great spending time with these friends! It has been WAY too long, and we can’t wait to do it again soon! Ex - the pics Suzy!!!

I received a great e-mail from my Dad this morning that just spoke to my heart. I hope it speaks to you too.

DANCING WITH GOD

When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE. When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "I". "God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.

Much love to all of you and Keep Looking RIGHT!!
Lynn

Thursday, March 3, 2005 5:25 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

What a glorious day God gave us in Dallas, TX! The sun is shining and it is a crisp 54 degrees! What a blessing to be out enjoying the day! We actually had some cul-de-sac time this afternoon after school and the kids were WILD! I don’t blame them the weather has been touch and go here for a few days so this was the first day since the weekend that they got to “run” outside.

I have had several of you inquire about yesterday’s crazy day. I should explain that it was just a busy crazy. Some days are relaxed for us these days and yesterday was just packed full of activities, doctor appts, mini-church etc. Everything went well.

I met with Dr. Hampe and he agreed with Dr. Greenberg’s assessment of the PET Scan that it was all good news. He has ordered a follow up Mammogram and sonogram, including sonogram on my thyroid, as that was the area that uptake outside of the original tumor locations. He believes that it is most likely due to the change in meds (going off synthroid on onto Barb’s Hydro-Throid…i.e., it might just be that my thyroid has started working again….WOW wouldn’t that be a praise!)

All and all the past couple days have been great. I will close with part of an e-mail a friend forwarded to me. It is definitely a Looking RIGHT message…

…Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings.

Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf. Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers are short, my children are so loud. Thank you Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry. Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you Lord, for life.

Amen to that!
Much love to each of you and Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, March 2, 2005 6:44 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a crazy day, one that I will take the time to update you on tomorrow. Until then I couldn’t resist posting this wonderful story that a friend of mine sent to me. OH..it is so good!

Much love to you,
Lynn
*********************************************************

T-Bone Steak and Yellow Roses

Here's to T-bone steaks, yellow roses and friendship.

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in
buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of
70 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet
memories.

He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands. He knew I loved yellow roses.

With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few
items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on. Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two.

Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak. Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large pack of T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them back..

She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks. She saw me watching her and she smiled. "My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know."

I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. "My husband passed away eight days ago," I told her. Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. "Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together."

She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she
placed the package in her basket and wheeled away.

I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the
ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front.

I saw first the green suit, and then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.

As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes. "These are for you," she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. "When you go through the line, they
will know these are paid for..." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled again.

I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.

I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone.

Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are!

Oh.... talk about a Looking RIGHT Message!!! I love this story! Count your blessing my friends.

Much love to you!
Keep Looking RIGHT
Lynn

Tuesday, March 1, 2005 4:04 PM CST

Dear friends and family,

My mother in-love just called and asked if I had come down from cloud nine yet? I laughed and said yes I think I have…to which she replied, “Well I haven’t!” and she giggled! Oh what a joy to hear her laugh again. Or to see the relief written on the faces of friends and family members after getting the news yesterday of a normal PET Scan. Praise God!

Inevitably, as one goes through trials your friends and family members go through it with you. At times it is easy to become engulfed in the day-to-day treatment and/or doctor schedules that one forgets how the stress of the situation builds on those that love you. Today I want to pause and thank each of you that have gone through this journey with me. Often times it has been your words or encouragement that got me through the day. There are notes that I received from strangers that brought tears to my eyes and perspective that I desperately needed. I realize now that God gives us those words so that we might know he is with us, lifting us up when our daily troubles seem overwhelming.

For those of you that are reading this post that might be struggling with an overwhelming circumstance in your life ~ whether it be death, health issues, disability, concerns for your children, or a struggling marriage…please remember that what seems to be insurmountable to us is not to God. Reach out to him, and remember that he has a plan for each of us. He has so many blessings that he has given us…choose to pray for his guidance and focus on his blessings!

Much love to each of you & Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn Newman
dlnewman@comcast.net

Monday, February 28, 2005 2:27 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Our God is SO Faithful! My PET Scan results are in and but for some minor “uptake” due most likely to radiation my PET Scan came back normal! Nothing what so ever in any other part of my body and really the uptake wasn’t even as much as what Dr. Greenberg thought it might be. YEAH GOD! This is terrific news.

What does this mean going forward? Well, I will continue on the meds that Barb has prescribed and most likely Dr. Stokoe will order another PET in 3-4 months. Until then I am going to have some FUN! WaHOO!!!

Dave I wish you were here baby….we’ll have to celebrate this great news when you get back!

Much love to each and every one of you that checks in on me!

Keep LOOKING RIGHT!!!
Lynn

p.s. for those who may not recall, uptake is simply a term used to indicate that the PET indicated a slight illumination (in the area of the cancer site). If it were clumped it might indicate tumor mine was not so it is more likely due to the radiation which is exactly what Dr. Greenberg expected to see.

Sunday, February 27, 2005 6:21 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you to all of you that posted Birthday wishes on Friday! I absolutely LOVE hearing from each of you. For those that called me out…I turned 35. I will tell you this…from here on out I will remain 35, as I will not be acknowledging any future b-days! HA!

I had an opportunity to have lunch with Holly and Dana on Friday…where did we go? SUSHI of course! Holly made it all the more special as she and her sweet boys picked up some yummy cakes from Celebrity Bakery that we all had to sample. They were DELISHIOUS! My sweet Suzanne and her youngest, Ryan, stopped by and spoiled me with a gift basket full of pampering items from slippers, to lotions each of them more delicious than the next. Later, JennyGwynn met me in the car pool line at school to hug my neck and dawn me with a BEAUTIFUL B-day scarf. It was the breast cancer fundraiser scarf from Ford and Lilly Pulitzer. It is so beautiful. Thank you both so much.

The party continued in the Cul-de-sac after school let out. Holly, Kathy, Linda, my mother-in-love Gail, and I toasted to my 35th Birthday! Later my mom and dad joined us for an albeit brief visit as their Arizona thin blood prevented them from staying outside long. They quickly went inside but stayed to make me dinner so it’s all-good. We had wine, laughs, and lots of kids to celebrate the day. I am so grateful for all that God has blessed me with this year. Through all the ups and downs my friends and family have been by my side every step of the way! I couldn’t have asked for a better support system; ya’ll are amazing! The night ended with a family dinner at our house with Mom, Dad, Gail, Dean, David, the kids and me. Gail made a wonderful b-day cake and let the kids decorate it right before serving. What a wonderful memory! They were so excited. There were MANY candles on the cake and when asked I made a birthday wish before blowing them out. I am sure that you can guess what I wished for…

Saturday started with Jacob’s soccer game. A 9am game, but of course this was the week for team pictures so he had to be there at 8am! A mighty early call for the day after my birthday! But we made it. The mighty Stingray’s fell victim to the Dragon’s powerful offense. However, Jake was the defenseman of the Game reducing the number of potential goals scored to a mere 4 to 1. HA! The league has opted for no goalies for this age group (4-5 yr olds) as a trial for this season. Jake is used to having that position and has taken it upon himself to stay close to the goal so as to minimize the goals scored each game. Pretty forward thinking and I’d commend him more if in fact we’d actually win a game from his efforts…HA! God love him he is too cute for words!

Taylor is at this moment playing with her friend Lilly and the two of them are having way too much fun. What a joy to have such great friends across the street. It is exactly what I remember growing up in Rochester, MN (with the exception that my kids are not building snow forts).

Dave left yesterday afternoon for Florida. He travels a fare amount but not typically on the week ends and for some reason it makes the trip feel that much longer. He’s been gone for all of 24 hours and we miss him desperately. Have fun Golfing my love, and congrats on your award. You’re awesome!

At this point there is no use denying that the PET Scan results are creeping into my thoughts this evening. I am for the most part at peace with what ever the outcome will be but I would be inhuman if I didn’t wish that I simply could know the results now rather than later. The waiting is sometimes the hardest part. I have spent the better part of the day consuming things I haven’t craved in weeks (Tootsie Rolls, Girl Scout Cookies, Chocolate Milk….see a chocolate theme here HA!) Hmmm….maybe I am more stressed that I thought…naaa…

I will close with these sentiments from my book God is in the Small Stuff by: Bruce and Stan:

·You will learn more from adversity than from prosperity.
·Let your difficulties be opportunities for God’s control.
·God will either protect you from hardships or give you strength to go through them, you win either way.

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow! James 1:2-3

Amen to that.

Much love to each of you,
Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Thursday, February 24, 2005 8:47 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 8:40am Thursday morning and I am between dropping Taylor off at school and getting Jacob ready for school so I will be brief; but I wanted to check in and update you on yesterday’s scan.

It went, as I expected, flawlessly. I was taken back at 10am on the nose and given a shot of radioactive glucose. Then I had 45 minutes of quiet time (what a blessing). After which I was put on the PET Scan machine for 38 minutes of “scanning” that went off w/o a hitch but for the fact that I couldn’t get my arm over my head so we had to adjust for that. But even that was not a surprise since I have not been able to get it over my head since surgery. It is getting better but it’ll be months before I have that type of flexibility (if ever).

That said we are now in the waiting process. It typically takes 72 hours to get the PET Scan results and that takes us into Saturday, which of course means Monday. I am really o.k. waiting until Monday to get the results, as Friday is my B-Day and I’d rather go on my day blissfully thinking everything is o.k. than get some news that may not be what I want to hear. But again, I really have a peace about this test, I really feel like it is going to be fine.

I was reading a book called God is in the Small Stuff by: Bruce & Stan and they had a couple of quotes that I will leave you with, as they seem particularly appropriate today.

“Worry occurs when God is left out of the process.”

“Worry is a choice.”

“When you choose to worry, you are choosing not to trust God.”

And finally…

“The best way to stop worrying is to start praying.”

Amen to that!

Much love to you my friends!
Keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 8:22 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 8:10am on this beautiful day in Texas and I'd like to open with something profound but to be honest what is on my mind is .....I AM HUNGRY!!! and a bit tired to boot!

I have never been a morning person, but couple that with no food or caffeine until after my 10am PET SCAN and that makes for one tired girl. HA!

God has blessed me with peace this morning about the PET Scan. I really am in a good place about this test. I have faith that I responded well to radiation and even more importantly to the meds that Barb has prescribed for healing. As such I anticipate good results from this PET Scan. That said, I will not be surprised if they see small signs of cancer as Barb has indicated that it is still in my body. On the other hand, I will also not be surprised if it comes back clear as the cells, God willing, may not have formed any add'l tumors that the PET can pick up. If I have a prayer request it is just that...NO TUMORS, no spreading of cancer to any of my vital organs. In the words of my surgeon Dr. Hampe..."I think we are o.k."....I guess time will tell, as I will have the results Monday.

I will leave you with a quote a friend sent to me yesterday.

"Often God has to shut a door in our face so that He can subsequently open the door through which He wants us to go."
~ Author Unknown

I hope everyone is having a blessed day.
Much Love to you and keep Looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 11:54 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

After a WONDERFUL visit with friends and family and 2 days of driving we made it home last night (sinus infection and all). God blessed us with amazing weather each and everyday. As well as an opportunity to spend time with family and friends that we haven't seen in far to long.

I came home to an inbox filled with kind words of encouragement from those of you that wanted to spread the message of Looking RIGHT by purchasing the pink and red bracelets. Thank you all so much.

I had a friend ask me how I was going to feel the day I walk into someone I don't know that is wearing a Looking RIGHT bracelet?...my answer BLESSED!

It is an amazing feeling to realize that the words God laid on Dave's heart are being heard and spread by so many. It is absolutely my blessing to be able to spread this message, and in doing so raise funds for cancer research.

I received an e-mail this morning with a quote that I loved... I hope you enjoy it too.

"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." ~ Author Unknown.

WOW! Talk about looking RIGHT! Love it!

Have a blessed day my friends.
Much love to you,
Lynn

Saturday, February 19, 2005 12:27 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Saturday afternoon and I am currently nursing a sinus infection as I quitely read my book in the peaceful tranquility of our dear friends living room (all 5 kids and 3 adults are enjoying this day hiking in the hillside of the Ken Karl Valley).

As I read my book, Having a Mary heart in a Martha World, the author tells a story that I love...and felt compelled to pass along to you.

...I'll never forget driving home one winter from a youth pastor's retreat. Driving across eastern Montana, we encountered a detour that took us off the rutal highyway and onto a snow-packed dirt road. Mile after mile we drove, the only car on the vast Montana plain, with only a barbed-wire fence to outline the way.

"I think we are lost," I said.

"We're not lost," John said. "Go back to sleep".

So being the obedient wife I am, I did. I don't know how much farther we went, but I awoke when the car finally slowed and turned into a driveway - the only driveway, I learned later, that John had seen in 50 miles.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in time to see a small, pink-and-white-oxidized single-wide trailer leaning slightly into the wind. I looked over at John as he pulled the car to a stop.

"We're lost," he admitted.

But we weren't lost at all.
The old man who came out to greet us looked a bit disappointed when John stepped out of the car. It was his birthday, you see. And he'd hoped against hope that the car he'd heard in the driveway was his son coming to visit from Minnesota.

But he seemed to cheer up as we stayed and chatted for a while, giving him as a birthday present a small, stuffed animal I'd bought on the trip. There was a tear in his eye but a smile on his face when he shook John's hand an pointed the way back to the main road.

I've found that when we're willing to serve like Jesus did- while we're on the way- divine appointments like that start popping up everywhere. And if we take the time to listen, we may find our destination, even when we thought we were lost....

Much love to each of you ~ Keep looking RIGHT dear friends.
Lynn Newman

p.s. The gang just walked in so I will have to close with out checking for spelling etc...such is life. Love to you all. Lynn

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:46 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I just have to say that our God is so faithful! I had been so concerned that this Looking RIGHT message would not be received; but the Lord has just spread this message for me. I could not have in my wildest dreams thought that the response would be this positive. Thank you all so much for embracing this message.

Dave, the kids, and I leave at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning to go to Colorado for a long week end & at 9:53pm I am still not packed! Eeek!

We are visiting our friends Paul and Jami as well was my dear friends Jill and Julie and family! OH! I can't wait. I am sure I'll have lots to share when I return.

Until then...Keep Looking RIGHT!!
Much love to you,
Lynn

Monday, February 14, 2005 7:59 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you all so much for your amazing support regarding our Looking RIGHT bracelets. The response has been nothing short of remarkable. It is truly an answered prayer. Thank you.

Believe it or not I had and entire journal entry typed earlier this evening and I went to post it and it was lost. I’d be upset, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as those were not the words God wanted me to post tonight. After loosing my post I decided to pull my e-mail, this is what was I found.….

Wife,

“Do you remember a time when…”? This is a phrase that runs through my mind with far too much regularity these days. I know how it began, but I wonder when the day will come when it will not be so relevant.

“Do you remember a time when you were not scared *$%less that you wife was going to die of cancer”? Yes I do, but I am still perplexed as to what it was like. Life was different that is for sure, but did we have no worries? Was life perfect? Was life even better? No, this is a tough one as it is easy to say that life was not perfect and we still had worries, but was life better? It should be a simple yes, life was so much better, but?

Really, I do not mean to demean the terror, the pain, the fatigue and all the other horrors that have accompanied the last 2 years, but was life better?

I am going to take an unpopular position and say no. Why? Because if I look at my life and the aspects that are the most important faith, wife, kids, extended family and friends… well, would those relationships be better or worse today without the last 2 years?

I dare to say that they would have been worse as we probably would have become obsessed with career, money, raising the “perfect” kids and so on, but likely with the last 2 years, we “could” have a different perspective for years to come. I say “could” because I fear that there are so many pitfalls that could derail us.

I think that the greatest pitfall might be a loss of newly deepened values. I fear that as you become healthier that we might actually fall right back into the dangerous rut of $, career and blah. Already, I see myself tempted by these mirages of happiness.

I fear that as you get better that life might become too complex. Will we add a lot of stuff that will distract us from these deepened values? Will we become obsessed with life group? Where to vacation? Kids in school or playing sports? What the neighbors are doing?

I fear that we might actually become professional worriers. We will go from topic to topic in search of that day’s hot worry. Restaurants have soup of the day, but we will have worry of the day?

So, “do you remember a time when you felt that there was something missing in your life”? Yes, I do. I remember that time and by God’s grace you entered into my life. I shall always be grateful. I know that we have seen our share of chaotic times in our 8-year marriage and the last 2 have been rough, but was life really better?

In the end, better or worse, the argument lingers, but I vote for simplicity, as all we have is each other. I am and always will be your adoring, faithful, loving and not always perfect husband. By the will of the Father, eternity is our’s together which might be your biggest worry yet!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

All my love – Look Right.

The Husband

OH, how I love this man. Thank you my love for giving me the words that my heart needed to hear tonight. As always your words brought tears to my eyes and inspire me to be a better wife, mother, friend, and daughter. I love you huge!

Happy Valentine’s Day to each of you.

Keep Looking RIGHT dear friends!
Lynn

Friday, February 11, 2005 8:30 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been working with my sister Terri over the past few weeks in an attempt to create a positive outcome from the Cancer Journey my family, friends, and I have been on over the past year and a half. Over Christmas when Terri was visiting us that plan was revealed.

Let me explain… Many of you may recall that at Christmas time my husband posted his one and only journal entry on my website. It was, as his letters always are, wonderfully insightful. His letters always bring tears to my eyes, but somehow his words spoke so much louder to me that day. As I read the responses to his sentiments I knew why; his message wasn’t meant just for me, rather they seemed to resonate with many of you as well. For those that may not have read his words, and for those that may need to be reminded… Please read on.

ORIGINALLY POSTED 12/20/04

Wife,

Eight plus years of marriage and I think that I have been in the preverbal “dog house” 3 times and each time involved a lack of a greeting card highlighting a special day (but shouldn’t diamonds be enough? And twice “done in” on week long trips to Mexico where the 2nd Sunday was Mother’s Day… Hallmark is a cruel slave master). So, greeting cards are not my strong suit and yes, this is my first and likely last visit to the web site, but I thought as I head to NYC for 1 more business meeting that I would cover a few topics in this not so private forum.

It is strange to think that we have been married for these 8 years and during that time you have been battling cancer for 1.5 years. My crude math skills put that time at almost 20f our marriage. Reflecting on that fact seems amazing as in 8 years, we married, moved twice, had 2 wonderful kids and spent 1.5 years in the middle of this terrific ordeal.

Wow… so you asked me once through our 2nd trip in the cancer ordeal if I had any regrets. If I had known that you would have become sick, would I have wished for something else?

My answer simply is that yes I have many regrets in poorly thought out actions, choices made, selfish / borish behavior & arrogant attitude, but thankfully you arrived on the scene to save me from all of that. Not for a minute of time that we have been married would I wish to be married to anyone else.

You are an amazing woman and I am blessed every day that you are in my life. Your strength humbles me, your optimism is contagious, your tolerance of me is without parallel, your faith is powerful, your external beauty is only surpassed by the within and in my opinion the most important facet is the reflection I see of you and all of these wonderful qualities in our children.

So, here we are in the middle of a mess with too much life ahead of us for any negative thoughts. Truly are journey over the last 1.5 years has been frightening, painful and numbing, but it easy to focus on the negative.

I have always told you that aspects of our lives are lined up and yes, if we look left, there is a very frightening cancer doing its best to beat us down, but if we look right and count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, children, each other, family, friends and so on)… well, the left isn’t so scary anymore.

Additionally, with all struggles in life there are so many lessons, perspectives to be gained. While given the choice of cancer or not, please, send me the not, but nothing would be worse than cancer without the tremendous knowledge I have gained.

I remember back as a ridiculous 16 year old seeing Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life”. Beside the fact that I was too young enjoy most of the humor; I recall how perplexed I was at the concept of a meaning to life. As I have aged, the thought has always stuck with me… “What is the point to all of this?” Well, I have listed a few examples of things that I have learned:

Meaning of Life: To come to grips with the 3 phases types of love…

I watch in amazement how people become absorbed with Eros. This selfish love that always puts the person first is addicting, but never fully satisfying. For me I think of it as Sweet Tarts, the 1st couple taste great and I can feel the sugar surging through my body, but the next couple are good, but less satisfying. And so it goes as I eat more and more Sweet Tarts, each subsequent one tastes less “sugary” until all I have too show for the experience is a zit on my face the next morning.

The 2nd type of love is Philos or I will love you if you love me. Why do we put conditions on things? For me and my warped thinking, this is beer. Tastes so good, feels so good, but there is always a price to be paid.

The most important type is Agape which is simply putting everything before yourself. This is the meaning of life, to get to this state. For me I think of it as running. I cannot tell you how many times I head out the door for a run thinking to myself Why? This is going to be unpleasant, my muscles already hurt, I am missing the football game, yada, yada, yada … Invariably each run ends in the same manner, with me asking Why Not more often? I always feel the best, refreshed, whole, clean and a new. Amazing that it is always so hard to head out that door…

Yin/yang: I think that the Chinese are on to something. Why all of this pain and this ordeal? I think it is simply to experience the amazing highs, well, you need to know the depths as well. While there have been some really tough moments, I always think back to Taylor’s birth and the overwhelming joy of the 1st born (hopefully, Jacob understands). To be that joyous, I think it is the yin and yang of life.

Frivolity: Everyday this cancer exposes me to the trivial nature of 98f our lives. Simply show me a person with more blessings than they can handle and I will show you a person worrying about complete non-sense. Really, I can not imagine the early settlers in Texas usually starving or fending off Indians worried about the things we worry about (is so and so mad at me? Will the kids get in “the” school? Do people think our carpet is worn out? Can I get the next promotion? Blah, blah, blah Personally, choose as you do, but the last 18 months have taught me what is worth worrying about and what is simply nonsense and thus I have been set free.

Manana may never come: Why do we think that having a bunch of money when we are old is going to be so great? Why the obsession with the 401K? I am and have been guilty of worrying way too much about tomorrow. Today is the day to be celebrated and the time is now to have some fun.

And I could go on, but the point is that while life has served us a bowl of lemons… some lemonade has been made and for that I am truly thankful.

So, my dearest wife, through faith in Christ, hope and strength, we shall make it through. This is a temporal world we in dwell and but a blip in time that we shall be together.

You are my “studette”, my warrior and my wife for many, many years to come.

Merry Christmas!

All my love – Look Right,

The Husband

As I re-read this letter it brought tears to my eyes once again. He has such a way with words. Although there were many things that I love about that letter the one thing that really struck a cord with me, and to be honest with many of you was this sentiment:

“I have always told you that aspects of our lives are lined up and yes, if we look left, there is a very frightening cancer doing its best to beat us down, but if we look right and count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, children, each other, family, friends and so on)… well, the left isn’t so scary anymore.”

For several days before Dave posted this letter my sister and I were trying to find a way to communicate those sentiments but didn’t know how to do it. God did and he gave David the words.

I have made it my mission to find a way to remind each of us every day that God has a plan for us. As we look left we see all the challenges that we may be dealing with in our lives, i.e., Health problems, (our own or our children’s), financial difficulties, a troubled marriage, what ever your cross may be, the point is that we all have them; and often they can be overwhelming.

However, if we Look RIGHT and “count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, our children, our spouses, family, friends and so on)…well the left isn’t so scary anymore".

My friends this is the message…We need to Keep Looking RIGHT!

My Sister and I have started a small Charity based business that will be trying to get this message out. We have recently made up Silicone Bracelet’s (Lance Armstrong style) with the slogan Looking RIGHT! A portion of the proceeds will be going towards Cancer Research as well as other charitable organizations.

If you would like to order one just send me an e-mail at dlnewman@comcast.net.

The cost is 3/$10.00 plus shipping/handling. They come in Red or Pink, Youth & Adult sizes.

This is the message I want my Cancer Journey to have… Regardless of your struggle, faith and perspective will play an enormous role in helping to find the joy in the journey.

I hope you will help my sister and I in our effort to spread this message and in doing so raise money towards cancer research, as well as other charities.

God has a plan for each of us. We may not understand it today, but as we continue to have faith in him the left doesn’t look so scary anymore. Keep Looking RIGHT dear friends.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn
dlnewman@comcast.net

Friday, February 11, 2005 8:25 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been working with my sister Terri over the past few weeks in an attempt to create a positive outcome from the Cancer Journey my family, friends, and I have been on over the past year and a half. Over Christmas when Terri was visiting us that plan was revealed.

Let me explain… Many of you may recall that at Christmas time my husband posted his one and only journal entry on my website. It was, as his letters always are, wonderfully insightful. His letters always bring tears to my eyes, but somehow his words spoke so much louder to me that day. As I read the responses to his sentiments I knew why; his message wasn’t meant just for me, rather they seemed to resonate with many of you as well. For those that may not have read his words, and for those that may need to be reminded… Please read on.

ORIGINALLY POSTED 12/20/04

Wife,

Eight plus years of marriage and I think that I have been in the preverbal “dog house” 3 times and each time involved a lack of a greeting card highlighting a special day (but shouldn’t diamonds be enough? And twice “done in” on week long trips to Mexico where the 2nd Sunday was Mother’s Day… Hallmark is a cruel slave master). So, greeting cards are not my strong suit and yes, this is my first and likely last visit to the web site, but I thought as I head to NYC for 1 more business meeting that I would cover a few topics in this not so private forum.

It is strange to think that we have been married for these 8+ years and during that time you have been battling cancer for 1.5 years. My crude math skills put that time at almost 20% of our marriage. Reflecting on that fact seems amazing as in 8 years, we married, moved twice, had 2 wonderful kids and spent 1.5 years in the middle of this terrific ordeal.

Wow… so you asked me once through our 2nd trip in the cancer ordeal if I had any regrets. If I had known that you would have become sick, would I have wished for something else?

My answer simply is that yes I have many regrets in poorly thought out actions, choices made, selfish / borish behavior & arrogant attitude, but thankfully you arrived on the scene to save me from all of that. Not for a minute of time that we have been married would I wish to be married to anyone else.

You are an amazing woman and I am blessed every day that you are in my life. Your strength humbles me, your optimism is contagious, your tolerance of me is without parallel, your faith is powerful, your external beauty is only surpassed by the within and in my opinion the most important facet is the reflection I see of you and all of these wonderful qualities in our children.

So, here we are in the middle of a mess with too much life ahead of us for any negative thoughts. Truly are journey over the last 1.5 years has been frightening, painful and numbing, but it easy to focus on the negative.

I have always told you that aspects of our lives are lined up and yes, if we look left, there is a very frightening cancer doing its best to beat us down, but if we look right and count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, children, each other, family, friends and so on)… well, the left isn’t so scary anymore.

Additionally, with all struggles in life there are so many lessons, perspectives to be gained. While given the choice of cancer or not, please, send me the not, but nothing would be worse than cancer without the tremendous knowledge I have gained.

I remember back as a ridiculous 16 year old seeing Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life”. Beside the fact that I was too young enjoy most of the humor; I recall how perplexed I was at the concept of a meaning to life. As I have aged, the thought has always stuck with me… “What is the point to all of this?” Well, I have listed a few examples of things that I have learned:

Meaning of Life: To come to grips with the 3 phases types of love…

I watch in amazement how people become absorbed with Eros. This selfish love that always puts the person first is addicting, but never fully satisfying. For me I think of it as Sweet Tarts, the 1st couple taste great and I can feel the sugar surging through my body, but the next couple are good, but less satisfying. And so it goes as I eat more and more Sweet Tarts, each subsequent one tastes less “sugary” until all I have too show for the experience is a zit on my face the next morning.

The 2nd type of love is Philos or I will love you if you love me. Why do we put conditions on things? For me and my warped thinking, this is beer. Tastes so good, feels so good, but there is always a price to be paid.

The most important type is Agape which is simply putting everything before yourself. This is the meaning of life, to get to this state. For me I think of it as running. I cannot tell you how many times I head out the door for a run thinking to myself Why? This is going to be unpleasant, my muscles already hurt, I am missing the football game, yada, yada, yada … Invariably each run ends in the same manner, with me asking Why Not more often? I always feel the best, refreshed, whole, clean and a new. Amazing that it is always so hard to head out that door…

Yin/yang: I think that the Chinese are on to something. Why all of this pain and this ordeal? I think it is simply to experience the amazing highs, well, you need to know the depths as well. While there have been some really tough moments, I always think back to Taylor’s birth and the overwhelming joy of the 1st born (hopefully, Jacob understands). To be that joyous, I think it is the yin and yang of life.

Frivolity: Everyday this cancer exposes me to the trivial nature of 98% of our lives. Simply show me a person with more blessings than they can handle and I will show you a person worrying about complete non-sense. Really, I can not imagine the early settlers in Texas usually starving or fending off Indians worried about the things we worry about (is so and so mad at me? Will the kids get in “the” school? Do people think our carpet is worn out? Can I get the next promotion? Blah, blah, blah Personally, choose as you do, but the last 18 months have taught me what is worth worrying about and what is simply nonsense and thus I have been set free.

Manana may never come: Why do we think that having a bunch of money when we are old is going to be so great? Why the obsession with the 401K? I am and have been guilty of worrying way too much about tomorrow. Today is the day to be celebrated and the time is now to have some fun.

And I could go on, but the point is that while life has served us a bowl of lemons… some lemonade has been made and for that I am truly thankful.

So, my dearest wife, through faith in Christ, hope and strength, we shall make it through. This is a temporal world we in dwell and but a blip in time that we shall be together.

You are my “studette”, my warrior and my wife for many, many years to come.

Merry Christmas!

All my love – Look Right,

The Husband

As I re-read this letter it brought tears to my eyes once again. He has such a way with words. Although there were many things that I love about that letter the one thing that really struck a cord with me, and to be honest with many of you was this sentiment:

“I have always told you that aspects of our lives are lined up and yes, if we look left, there is a very frightening cancer doing its best to beat us down, but if we look right and count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, children, each other, family, friends and so on)… well, the left isn’t so scary anymore.”

For several days before Dave posted this letter my sister and I were trying to find a way to communicate those sentiments but didn’t know how to do it. God did and he gave David the words.

I have made it my mission to find a way to remind each of us every day that God has a plan for us. As we look left we see all the challenges that we may be dealing with in our lives, i.e., Health problems, (our own or our children’s), financial difficulties, a troubled marriage, what ever your cross may be, the point is that we all have them; and often they can be overwhelming. However, if we Look RIGHT and “count the endless blessings that exist (faith in a living God, our children, our spouses, family, friends and so on)…well the left isn’t so scary anymore".

My friends this is the message…We need to Keep Looking RIGHT!

My Sister and I have started a small Charity based business that will be trying to get this message out. We have recently made up Silicone Bracelet’s (Lance Armstrong style) with the slogan Looking RIGHT! A portion of the proceeds will be going towards Cancer Research as well as other charitable organizations.

If you would like to order one just send me an e-mail at dlnewman@comcast.net.

The cost is 3/$10.00 plus shipping/handling. They come in Red or Pink, Youth & Adult sizes.

This is the message I want my Cancer Journey to have… Regardless of your struggle, faith and perspective will play an enormous role in helping to find the joy in the journey.

I hope you will help my sister and in our efforts to spread this message and in doing so raise money towards cancer research, as well as other charities. God has a plan for each of us. We may not understand it today, but as we continue to have faith in him the left doesn’t look so scary anymore. Keep Looking RIGHT dear friends.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn
dlnewman@comcast.net

Wednesday, February 9, 2005 6:15 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is amazing how my life has become so…normal. What everyone else calls boring, staying home on the week ends, renting a movie, playing games w/ the kids etc. the stuff we all take for granted…that is all we’ve been doing for the past two weeks and it has been glorious.

I have even been able to volunteer at the kids school again. On Monday JennyGwynn and I were at the girls school helping to make “curlie Q Valentine” templates for the kids to create on Monday for Valentine’s Day. It was so much fun to be there. I got to visit with Jenny and help Taylor’s teacher! How great is that.

Tomorrow I have the opportunity to help coordinate and facilitate Jacob’s Pre-K Valentine’s Day Party. I was suppose to do the Christmas Party but was unable to due to the timing of my radiation. The fact that I get to go hang out with these precious kido’s and see their smiles as they exchange their Valentine’s with each other is such a blessing. I was able to attend each and every Pre-K event with Taylor (in my pre-cancer days) but for the past 2 years it really has been hit or miss with the kids events. My prayer is that is all behind me now.

Yesterday I had an awesome opportunity to spend a hour and a half with the ladies in my bible study. OH! I am so grateful for these ladies (Suzanne we missed you darlin’ I hope you enjoyed your day of pampering, and that you start feeling better soon!). God has blessed my family and me so much during this Cancer Journey, my hope is that I will be able to turn this journey into something productive. I have been working with my sister over the past few weeks and my hope is that we’ll be able to announce later this week our mission.

Until then, Keep LOOKING RIGHT!
Lynn

Friday, February 4, 2005 7:20 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is official I have hit a lul in my posting. I am so sorry. I have been chastized by many, and I will admit that my lack of post is due to nothing more than the fact that our lives have finally become boring i.e., normal, and not postworthy. Isn't that wonderful!

The past few days have been filled with mundane tasks until today that is. JennyGywnn and I drove to Canton, TX (about an hour and half from Dallas). Canton boasts a spectacular flea market that is full of some of the best home decor, cloths, food etc. that a girl could ever want. It is open the first weekend of every month and it started today. Jen and I hit the road early and spent a glorious, but quick 3 1/2 hours checking out maybe half of what was there to see. My head was on a pivot, so much so that I really didn't buy much (I know you all but be in SHOCK!). Just a cpl beanie babies for the kids and some mittens for me (it was chilly)! But now that I know what is down there...oh my!

Jenny, Holly is already planning our road trip next for month! HA! Let's do it girls.

Tomorrow we have Jake's basketball game at 11am. He also has just started back into Spring Soccer...what time is that game? 11am! What are the odds? Oh well, we'll be at Basketball as we only have 2 more games left and the boys are doing so well. Jake can't wait until Feb 15th as that is Awards night and each child gets a trophy. He can't wait. I think he played JUST to get the trophy. He is so funny.

I'll let you know how the game turns out.

My adorning husband informed me tonight that he passed on an opportunity to go to the Superbowl on Sunday so that he could spend the day w/ his family. O.K. a collective OHHH... he is so sweet. Thank you baby...he is traveling all next week it would have been a bummer to have him gone Sunday too. But HONEY! It's the Superbowl, are you sure?

Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well.

Please excuse my typo's as I do not have time to proof read.

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Monday, January 31, 2005 10:06 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. The Newman household has been fighting off some sort of a virus the past few days. Taylor came running down to our bedroom at 4:30am Sunday morning to advise us that Jacob had vomited…Bless his heart he had complained about a stomachache the night before but we assumed it was something he ate. I guess not. He seems better today but it still dealing w/ mild diarrhea so I thought it best to hold him home from school today.

The good news was that the kids had an opportunity to spend the night Friday night with Grammie and Paps before Jacob got sick. They always have such fun with at their house. They typically spoil them with French toast and eggs for dinner HA! The kids get such a kick out of that. But Paps had already made that treat for Jacob for lunch while I was at the gym Friday; as such they had to settle for McDonald’s (they were crushed…NOT!)

Since the kids were with the Newman’s, Dave and I had a opportunity to go to dinner with our friends Scot and Melanie Florsheim. We ended up going to PF Chang’s. It was so good, we hadn’t been there in ages as whenever we get a chance to go out w/o the kids we end up opting for Sushi (Jake is allergic to all Seafood and it makes me nervous taking him there). Anyway we laughed and told stories for a couple hours at the restaurant and then opted to skip the movie we had planed to go to in favor of continuing the conversation over dessert and after dinner drinks at the Club. After a year of knowing these guys and 10 months of being in the same mini-church this was the first time we had a chance to go out as couples. What a treat. Thank you Florsheims for the fellowship time, it was great.

Saturday morning was fun as Jacob and his fellow Rocket teammates had a 9am basketball game. They ROCKED!!! We don’t keep score at their age (we won 22 to 6…OPPS did I say that? HA!). These little guys have come so far in learning this game over the past few weeks. We were a little hesitant the first couple games as there are a lot of rules and techniques (passing, dribbling, shooting, stealing etc) to the game and these sweet 4 and 5 year olds had never played before. Holly’s husband Todd took on the challenge of coaching these little guys and has done a terrific job! He took 10 little boys that only knew they wanted to throw the ball towards to hoop and made them into a team. One of the coaches from last weeks game complemented Todd saying that he’s never seen a team of 4 and 5 year olds truly function as a team…he’s right. They are doing such a great job. It has become fun to watch these little guys.

Well as you probably guessed we didn’t make it to church Sunday with Jacob throwing up and running to the bathroom. Instead we opted for a lazy morning. We rallied to go over for DUNCH (2pm lunch/dinner) at the Newman’s. Dean’s sisters, best friends, daughter just moved to Texas and they wanted us to meet her (did you follow that?). Courtney is a delightful woman that we’ll look forward to seeing many more times in the future after she gets settled. As always Gail outdid herself with lettuce wraps, 2 different kinds of quiche, Caesar salad and my favorite…cheesecake to top it off. OH it was divine! Thank you so much Dean and Gail ~ and for the meal you sent home for Mom and Dad. I am sure it is helping Mom get over her flu. They were sorry to have missed the party.

I am leaving shortly to go to my appt with Dr. Hampe. It is just a follow up, and I think all he will do is check my incision, my burn from radiation, and verify that I don’t have any signs of lymphedema (to my knowledge I don’t…huge praise!) I’ll update this post if there is anything noteworthy otherwise you can assume everything went well.

The only other thing to post is that my PET Scan has been schedule for Feb 23rd at 10am. They wanted me to do it a week sooner but Dr. Greenberg wanted to make sure that my body had time to get all the radiation out of my system so we would see any “uptake” from the radiation and wrongly assume that I had any cancer hot spots. Time will tell, but I am feeling really good and I am hopeful that we will be receiving good news from this PET.

I hope all is well with you and yours.
Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Thursday, January 27, 2005 2:38 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is a rainy Thursday afternoon and I have missed posting the past few days. I have to admit that I’ve read the sweet messages from ya’ll each and everyday, oh they bring me such joy! Unfortunately, I just didn’t feel like I had anything interesting to say. I don’t know that I do today either but I wanted to check in so that you’d know all was well.

I received a wonderful e-mail from a woman named Laura recently. She explained that her friend had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and she asked how to best help her sweet friend through her ordeal. Oh my heart always sinks when I think of the men and women that are diagnosed everyday with this disease. I am so grateful that we live in the U.S., and in the year 2005. In a country where were are free to worship our Lord, and draw strength from him during our trials; and in a time where medical technology and homeopathic medicine are curing men and women from cancer each and every day.

That said, answering her e-mail blessed me with the opportunity to reflect on the past 6 months. It allowed me the opportunity to better appreciate all the many blessings that God, my family, and each of my friends bestowed on me. The daily prayers that were prayed on my behalf, the meals that were lovingly prepared for my family, the play dates arranged for my kids, the countless words of encouragement given to me from each of you reading this website, the priceless cards and gifts sent by many of you to lift my spirits. Each act of kindness was so appreciated at the time, but now looking back on this journey I can better appreciate how God was working through each of you to give me strength and hope during a time that filled with so much uncertainty.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank each of you that posted words of encouragement. In my darkest days it was your words that I looked forward to. Each of them offered hope, and often laughter during a time that I had nothing to laugh at. Thank you to those that hugged my neck when I was disappointed by the news from the 3rd PET Scan revealed that my cancer had not responded to chemo, then later rejoiced with me when we received good news from Barb that the cancer was responding to the homeopathic meds. Thank you to each of you that continue to pray on my behalf that it would be God’s Will that the cancer be gone from my body.

I don’t know how people manage a crisis with out God to bring them through it. My prayer would be that if anyone is reading this website doesn’t know him, that they would feel the urge to have a relationship with him. It is what brought my family and me through cancer! He is mighty, he is sovereign, he is Lord…Praise him.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, January 25, 2005 8:24 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Tuesday morning and I am excited to report that we had a pretty mundane weekend. Don’t you love it when you life slows down and you can appreciate staying in and watching football (or whatever) with your family? Seems like our life has been so crazy that last week ends slow pace was a welcomed change.

A friend of mine sent me a wonderful story about HOPE. I’ve read it before, you might have to, but it is such a great one that I wanted you all to enjoy it.

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Breakfast at McDonald's .

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.

The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called "Smile."

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling".

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you."

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope."

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.

I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?"

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE !.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

Friday, January 21, 2005 1:06 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

This morning I had the opportunity to meet with Barb (Homeopathic RN) to re-evaluate where I am today vs. 8 wks ago. To sum it up I am she saw significant reduction in cancer cell activity. I am not out of the woods yet as I do still have cancer in my body, but she felt very strongly that I was on the road to healing. She even told Dave to get used to me because if I continued on the meds I'd be around for quite a while. YEAH God!

It has been such a blessing to work with Barb and with Dr. Greenberg over the past eight weeks. I have gone through so many treatments in the past 6 months and this is the first time that we've felt hope. Please pray that the cancer cell activity continues to diminish and eventually that it would be eliminated all together! That will be a glorious day. One that I fully expect to see.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 10:32 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I just returned from Mini Church where I had a chance to share a story that I just read in my book Having Mary Heart in a Martha World by: Joanna Weaver. It occurred to me that God had laid it on my heart so that I’d share it with all of you too. I will summarize it where I can as it is long, but worth the read. I hope it touches your heart has much as it touched mine.

Lord, Don’t You Care?

God didn’t seem to be answering my prayers, as he should. My friend wasn’t healed of terminal cancer, and my mother continued to struggle after open-heart surgery. Even small requests were left unanswered. My van, for instance still made a frustrating squeal, and the heater wouldn’t work right. Other little things kept going wrong. Nothing major, just enough to keep me worried and yes, distracted.

The Van proved to be the final showdown ~ my spiritual Alamo. Winter returned to Montana, and I drove down to see my mother, who was battling depression. A year had passed since her surgery, and despite a strict vegetarian diet, her cholesterol level had soared. The meds caused terrible mood swings, and chest pains. She was ready to give up.

…We cried and prayed together as I went to leave my mother asked, “Did you get the window up? A day before she had lowered it and there it stayed, refusing all our creative attempts to close it.

“No, but I’ll be okay.” I gave her one last hug, glancing at the sky. Snow had begun to fall, and the clouds looked stormy dark.

…I closed the door on the top with a towel and drove out of town angry. Angry at the window that still wouldn’t budge. Angry at my mother, who seemed to be giving up. But most of all, angry at God, who didn’t seem to be paying any attention at all.

Okay God, I prayed. “You said I have not because I ask not, so here it goes. Please Lord, Please make the window go up. I’ve tried everything, You’re the only one who can help.”

I worked up a reasonable amount of faith and pressed the button on the armrest. Nothing. Wind whipped through the window, tearing the towel from its place as I joined the traffic on the interstate. Icy snow swirled around the flapping towel and into the cab.

“Lord you know my heater doesn’t work and it is 150 miles home.” Tears spilled over as I groped, trying to zip my coat with one hand. “You say you’ll provide all our needs according to your riches in glory. I just need one little miracle.”

“Please.” I paused a moment, as if giving my petition time to make it to heaven. My eyes closed for a split second as I pressed the little black lever. Nothing…

FINE, I got out of the car and slammed the door. The wind sliced across the valley floor, I pulled a flimsy bedspread from the back seat, “If you won’t take care of me, I will!”

Hostility burned high in my throat…”How can I know you are real if you won’t even answer one little prayer? I am desperate, but you are silent. I am angry, but you don’t seem to care.”

….I turned on a Christian radio station and listened as people talked about God’s love. But for the first time in my life, I doubted its reality. [I wondered], did they ever question?

The radio’s clock glowed 10:59pm when I finally arrived home. I’d driven slowly most of the trip, staring through the blinding snow for any sign of the centerline. But somewhere along those fearful, frigid miles I’d lost the anger.

The last remnant of rage melted when I realized, twenty-five miles from home, that I was warm. Truly warm. Though my nose felt chafed by the wind and my cheeks tingled to the touch, the rest of my body was extraordinarily comfortable. Miraculously so.

The Father had heard. The Father had answered. Not the way I’d asked, and certainly not the way I’d planned. He hadn’t rolled up the window. But he HAD wrapped me in his arms.

I began to cry again. This time the tears weren’t those of a demanding child, but those of a chastened daughter.

Trust me, my child. I have your ultimate good in mind.

So to answer the question, “Lord don’t you care?” Know without a doubt that he does. As Joanna so eloquently states in her book, “The fact is, until we stop doubting God goodness we can’t experience God’s love.”

Be still and know that he loves you, and has your ultimate good in mind.

Much love to each of you.
Keep looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 10:23 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I just returned from Mini Church where I had a chance to share a story that I read in my book Having Mary Heart in a Martha World by: Joanna Weaver. It occurred to me that God had laid it on my heart so that I’d share it with all of you too. I will summarize it where I can as it is long, but worth the read. I hope it toches your heart as much as it touched mine.

Lord, Don’t You Care?

God didn’t seem to be answering my prayers, as he should. My friend wasn’t healed of terminal cancer, and my mother continued to struggle after open-heart surgery. Even small requests were left unanswered. My van, for instance still made a frustrating squeal, and the heater wouldn’t work right. Other little things kept going wrong. Nothing major, just enough to keep me worried and yes, distracted.

The Van proved to be the final showdown ~ my spiritual Alamo. Winter returned to Montana, and I drove down to see my mother, who was battling depression. A year had passed since her surgery, and despite a strict vegetarian diet, her cholesterol level had soared. The meds caused terrible mood swings, and chest pains. She was ready to give up.

…We cried and prayed together. As I went to leave my mother asked, “Did you get the window up?" A day before she had lowered it and there it stayed, refusing all our creative attempts to close it.

“No, but I’ll be okay.” I gave her one last hug, glancing at the sky. Snow had begun to fall, and the clouds looked stormy dark.

…I closed the door on the top with a towel and drove out of town angry. Angry at the window that still wouldn’t budge. Angry at my mother, who seemed to be giving up. But most of all, angry at God, who didn’t seem to be paying any attention at all.

Okay God, I prayed. “You said I have not because I ask not, so here it goes. Please Lord, Please make the window go up. I’ve tried everything, You’re the only one who can help.”

I worked up a reasonable amount of faith and pressed the button on the armrest. Nothing. Wind whipped through the window, tearing the towel from its place as I joined the traffic on the interstate. Icy snow swirled around the flapping towel and into the cab.

“Lord you know my heater doesn’t work and it is 150 miles home.” Tears spilled over as I groped, trying to zip my coat with one hand. “You say you’ll provide all our needs according to your riches in glory. I just need one little miracle.”

“Please.” I paused a moment, as if giving my petition time to make it to heaven. My eyes closed for a split second as I pressed the little black lever. Nothing…

FINE, I got out of the car and slammed the door. As the wind sliced across the valley floor, I pulled a flimsy bedspread from the back seat, “If you won’t take care of me, I will!”

Hostility burned high in my throat…”How can I know you are real if you won’t even answer one little prayer? I am desperate, but you are silent. I am angry, but you don’t seem to care.”

….I turned on a Christian radio station and listened as people talked about God’s love. But for the first time in my life, I doubted its reality. [I wondered], did they ever question?

The radio’s clock glowed 10:59pm when I finally arrived home. I’d driven slowly most of the trip, staring through the blinding snow for any sign of the centerline. But somewhere along those fearful, frigid miles I’d lost the anger.

The last remnant of rage melted when I realized, twenty-five miles from home, that I was warm. Truly warm. Though my nose felt chafed by the wind and my cheeks tingled to the touch, the rest of my body was extraordinarily comfortable. Miraculously so.

The Father had heard. The Father had answered. Not the way I’d asked, and certainly not the way I’d planned. He hadn’t rolled up the window. But he HAD wrapped me in his arms.

I began to cry again. This time the tears weren’t those of a demanding child, but those of a chastened daughter.

Trust me, my child. I have your ultimate good in mind.

So to answer the question, “Lord don’t you care?” Know without a doubt that he does. As Joanna so eloquently states in her book, “The fact is, until we stop doubting God goodness we can’t experience God’s love.”

Be still and know that he loves you, and has your ultimate good in mind.

Much love to each of you.
Keep looking RIGHT!
Lynn

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 6:14 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Today was such a great day. It was the first day that my bible study has reconnected since the Holidays and it was great to lock eyes on these dear women, I’ve missed you.

We are beginning a new study; it is the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver. We are only on chapter one but already I love this study. For those that are not familiar with the story it is a biblical story found Luke. It is the tale of two sisters Mary and Martha:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her” (Luke 10 38-42).

Isn’t that the way we women are? We are Martha, at least most of us are. Constantly worried about tidying our homes, preparing the perfect meal…looking just so…when what we should be focusing on is the fact that we get to spend time with a special friend, loved one, a neighbor, or in God’s word. Find your Mary heart my friends.

My mother in law had a painting hanging in her kitchen back in Colorado that read, “If you’ve come to see my house…make an appointment. If you’ve come to visit with me, you are welcome anytime.” I love that.

I will leave you with one final quote from Ms. Weaver, “While the world applauds achievement, God desires companionship. The world clamors, ‘Do more! Be all that you can be!’ But our Father whispers, ‘Be still and know that I am God’”. Be still my friends….be still.

Have a blessed day.
Lynn

Monday, January 17, 2005 1:03 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope this letter finds you well. A friend of mine forwarded an e-mail to me and I thought it important enough to post. Please read the below, and click on the below link to support this Mastectomy Bill.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Mastectomy Bill in Congress

In a world where Viagra is covered by insurance companies, but not prenatal vitamins, it's about time we made lawmakers listen to the needs of women-- Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill - Important legislation for all women.
Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.
If you are receiving this it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to express your opinion ... and send it on to others you know who will do the same.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home hours after surgery against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

PLEASE!!!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below.

You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/bc/pledges/bc_mast_pledge.html

I hope you all are having a blessed day.
Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, January 15, 2005 9:44 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a couple of days since I’ve written, for that I apologize. I told my self that I would continue to post even after my radiation treatments were over, but only when I felt I had something to say. I guess tonight, at 9pm on a Saturday night after a wonderful day with my family and friends and a couple glasses of wine…I feel like that may be the case.

I have been reading a wonderful book written by Ellie Lofaro entitled Leap of Faith. For those who have not read it, it is a must read; for those who have, you may recall this message. In either case I hope you will glean something from the story.

Midway through chapter nine Ellie speaks of Carrying On. She writes, “Maybe you have stood in a difficult place for a long time. Maybe you’ve grown a bit numb. Maybe you’ve started to doubt. Maybe you’re wondering if God has forgotten you – or worse – that He sees your pain and refuses to respond.” Have you ever felt this way? I am sure many of us have.

Ellie illustrates this point with a story that I love. I hope you’ll enjoy it too.

“A young Christian lady named Brenda was doing some rock-climbing in the mountains with her friends one Saturday morning. Halfway up the mountain, her left contact lens popped out. Unfortunately, she is close to being legally blind without contacts. To her relief, Brenda’s best friend offered to stay with her while the rest of the group finished the climb. ‘We’ll have lunch here and wait for you!’ she yelled to the group. ‘We’ll meet you guys on your way down and then we’ll figure out what to do’.”

“The girls carefully made their way to a near by plateau and unpacked their lunches. Brenda was so disappointed. It was one of the first clear days after a tough winter, and she had looked forward to this outing so much. But now, the anticipation of a perfect day was dashed. She prayed, more out of habit than anything else, ‘Lord, the Bible says your eyes look to and fro throughout the whole earth, so do you think you could help me find my contact lens?’ She giggled for a moment and felt embarrassed about the request. About two hours later, her friends returned and they all continued down the second half of the mountain together.”

“As they reached the bottom, they crossed another hiking party on their way up the mountain. A handsome guy in shorts and hiking boots causally asked, ‘anybody lose a contact lens?’”

Brenda and her friends were astounded.

“I did”, Brenda cried. She couldn’t believe it when he handed her the unscratched contact lens.

“How did you ever find a contact hens on this mountain?” she asked.

“Oh, it was easy. It was moving.”

“Moving?” She asked bewildered.

He laughed and said, “You’re not going to believe this, but an ant was carrying it. The reflection of the sun caught it just the right and made it sparkle like a diamond from a distance.” Everyone grinned widely, especially Brenda.

Brenda’s father, a syndicated comic strip artist in Minneapolis heard the whole story and decided to capture her experience in his column. In that Sunday’s newspaper, his comic strip depicted an ant shouldering a contact lens.

In the first frame the weary ant looks frustrated and burdened. There was a little bubble above his head that conveyed the ant’s sentiments.

“God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this thing.”

In the subsequent frames, the ant continues his objections.

“It’s very heavy. I can’t eat it. And it’s making me REALLY hot.”

And in the final frame says, “But God…if you want me to carry it….I will.”

Ellie continues with, “Let me ask you – what is it that you have you been carrying? What has stolen some of your hope? What is pressuring you and squeezing the joy out of your life? For some it is a marriage that seems to be running out of love. For others, it is caring for a disabled child. A disturbing memory.

What ever it may be, you may feel like saying God, ‘I don’t even know why I have to carry this. I don’t see the good that can come out of it and I feel tired and burdened. But Lord…if you want me to…, I’ll carry it.’”

I love that story. I often thought as I was going through the past 6 months of chemo, surgery, radiation etc. Lord I am tired; you must have a plan for me. I am not sure what it is but I trust that there is a reason that I am dealing with cancer twice in one year. Help me to understand your purpose. Help me to know what good can come from this suffering.

Fortunately this forum has led me to the answer. I believe the reason was so that he could grow me up, and mature me as a Christian; that I might be able to share his news. That I might be given an opportunity let others know that they don’t have to carry their burdens themselves. He is there to help carry the load, if we’ll let him. I can’t imagine going through cancer, a struggling marriage, the birth of a disabled child, or a bad memory alone. If you are, my sincere prayer is that you’ll too take a leap of faith and choose to open your heart to God. Let him carry your burden when it is too heavy to carry alone.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, January 13, 2005 8:26 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

It is Thursday night a little after 8pm and today is the first day I didn’t have radiation YEAH! I got an e-mail from my friend Jill this morning asking me, “So, what are you going to be doing today at 10:20am….shopping maybe?” HA! I love ya Jill, you know me SO WELL! ABSOLUTELY I was shopping!

JennyGwynn and I took off right after I dropped off Jacob at preschool at 9:30am and headed down town to the Dallas Galleria for a day of shopping and lunch. It was fabulous! The Galleria has been newly renovated and it is magnificent. Lunch was terrific and the fellowship time with Ms. Gwynn ~ marvelous. I am so appreciative of the time I get to spend with the women that are dear in my life, and today I felt blessed to have had the morning and part of the afternoon to catch up with Jenny; and then an hour of “face time” with Holly and Kathy in the cul-de-sac late this afternoon. What a blessing to have these ladies in my life.

As if that weren’t enough my Mother spoiled me by making turkey with all the side dish fixin’s for dinner. She brought it over to the house and we had an opportunity to sit and have dinner as a family with Mom, Dad, Aunt Judy, Grammie, David, the kids and me. We had 2 ½ hours to visit and tell silly stories. What a blessed day. Thank you Lord, you are so gracious.

I hope each of you had an equally blessed day.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, January 13, 2005 7:59 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

It is Thursday night around 8pm and today is the first day I didn’t have radiation YEAH! I got an e-mail from my friend Jill this morning asking me, “So, what are you going to be doing today at 10:20am….shopping maybe?” HA! I love ya Jill, you know me SO WELL! ABSOLUTELY I was shopping!

JennyGwynn and I took off right after I dropped off Jacob at preschool at 9:30am and headed down town to the Dallas Galleria for a day of shopping at lunch. It was fabulous! The Galleria has been newly renovated and it is magnificent. Lunch was terrific and the fellowship time with Ms. Gwynn ~ marvelous. I am so appreciative of the time I get to spend with the women that are dear in my life, and today I felt blessed to have had the morning and part of the afternoon to catch up with Jenny. I got an hour of “face time” with Holly and Kathy in the cul-de-sac late this afternoon. What a blessing to have these ladies in my life.

As if that weren’t enough my Mom spoiled me by making turkey with all the side dish fixin’s for dinner. She brought it over to my house and we had an opportunity to sit and have dinner as a family with Mom, Dad, Aunt Judy, Grammie, David, the kids and me. We had 2 ½ hours to visit and tell silly stories. What a blessed day. Thank you Lord, you are so gracious.

I hope each of you had an equally blessed day.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, January 11, 2005 8:04 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Tuesday night and it is my blessing to say that tomorrow is my last day of radiation. I honestly can’t believe that tomorrow is my last day. It went by rather fast don’t you think? With the exception of the burn/blister I have under my arm it really went well. I had the opportunity to meet some amazing people, and God blessed me with wonderful teachable moments; both for myself to learn and to teach. How great is that?

I have been asked by many, “if I am excited to be done?”. The obvious answer is YES, I am very grateful that tomorrow is my last day. However, a part of me wishes that it wasn’t over. That part has less to do with the actual radiation portion of the treatment as I think my poor body has had enough radiation for one lifetime; rather it has to do with the fact that I will miss the faces I have grown to appreciate seeing on a daily basis.

I will miss the receptionist that greets me daily with a warm smile and a genuine question of, “how are you today?” You see she lost her husband to cancer last year so she knows first hand the pain and fear associated with cancer. I will miss the women that have cared for me daily for the past 6 wks and given me nothing but smiles and cheerful hearts as they administer my treatments. I will miss Dr. Greenberg. He is such an amazing doctor. God has blessed him immeasurably with intelligence, wit, and a big heart. I will miss our conversations about sushi, shopping, and the lack of my owning a Louis Vuitton hand bag (which he finds criminal since I’ve had to endure 58 treatments of radiation. HA! I love that man!). Mostly, I will miss the daily opportunity to minister to & be ministered by whom ever I run into at the Cancer Center.

I once read that God brings people into our lives for specific purposes. Some are there for a lifetime, and those friends we connect with immediately; and we will have those friends forever. Others he brings into our lives to fulfill a specific need; and those people will be in our lives just during the time we need them and then for one reason or another that friendship will cease. Other people he brings into our lives just for a moment, but they make such an impression on us. I find that to be so true at this point in my life. There are many people that God has woven into my life over the past 6 months and I am grateful for each of those friendships. Whether they last a lifetime, or just a few weeks during treatment, they have each made an impression on my heart and I am a better person to have met them.

So here is to a new beginning. One that is cancer free! One that is filled with love, and a fuller appreciation of health, happiness, and praise for our God. PRAISE him as he is faithful and mighty and loves us endlessly.

Love to each of you.
Lynn

P.S. For those who have expressed concern, don’t worry I am not finished posting ~ I have much that has been left unsaid. Until then…Keep looking RIGHT!

Monday, January 10, 2005 1:15 PM CST

Dear Friends and family,

I just got word that my friend Melanie made it out of her reconstructive surgery. With the exception of the pain she is experiencing she is doing well. HUGE PRAISE! Thank you for your prayers!

I recently read a story on struggles that I spoke to me. Oh how I know we all can relate to overcoming struggles. However I am choosing to post this story today because I think it'll speak to someone in particular. She knows who she is.

I was talking to a woman at the cancer center this morning, and she shared with me that upon reflecting on a conversation we had last week about how I found the blessing, and yes even the joy in this cancer journey I have been on she took the time to ponder that notion over the week end. She shared with me today that as she thought about her own cancer story she simply couldn't find the blessing in it. Friends let me assure you there is always a reason why we endure hardship. If you take the time to look closely enough you'll find the blessing in every struggle that you go through. I hope the Butterfly's Lesson will help you get there...

A Butterfly's Lesson

"One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then, it seems to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could not go any further. So the man decided to help the butterfly: he took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a withered body; it was time and had shriveled wings. The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly's body, and become firm. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Never been able to fly.
I asked God for strength...and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked God for Wisdom...and God gave me problems to solve.

I asked God for prosperity...and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.

I asked God for courage...and God gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked God for Love...and God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked God for favors...and God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted...but I received EVERYTHING I needed."

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them. (Author Unknown)

Much love to all of you,
Keep Looking Right!
Lynn

Monday, January 10, 2005 8:40 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I will post later today, but until then I have an immediate prayer request.

My dear friend, Melanie, is currently in surgery for reconstruction breast surgery after having a double masectomy last year.

PLEASE pray for Melanie, her husband, and their 3 kids. Pray that the surgery goes perfectly and that God will bless them with peace & strength as they go through the next few days of recovery. Also, pray that Mels surgeon is blessed with perfect vision, wisdom, and steady hands.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Saturday, January 8, 2005 4:55 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,
It is Saturday afternoon, the sun is shining, and my Aunt Judy and Mother-in-Love Gail both landed in beautiful Dallas this afternoon. HURRAY! Gail we are glad you are home, Judy I can’t wait to hug your neck! We’ve missed you!
Judy’s Daughter in Law Amy sent me an e-mail that had a letter written by an unknown author. The story is so touching, and inspiring I just love it. You know me, anytime I hear of a story that inspires I feel compelled to post it on my site. I hope you enjoy it.
Much love to all of you,
Lynn

The Daffodil Principle
Several times my grown daughter had telephoned to say,"Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over."I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren."Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother.""Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears,and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her."I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car."

"How far will we have to drive? "

"Oh...just a few blocks," Carolyn said."But I'll drive. I'm used to this."

After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going?This isn't the way to the garage!"

"We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils."

"Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around."

"Its all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church.On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden."We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner,I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight!

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow.Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.

There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn.

"Just one woman", Carolyn answered."She lives on the property. That's her home."Carolyn pointed to a well kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house and on the patio, we saw a poster.

"Answers to the questions I know you are asking"was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs, "it read.

The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman.

Two hands, two feet, and one brain."

The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.

One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn."What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years?Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask,"How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle-

STOP WAITING UNTIL:

-your car or home is paid off

-you get a new car or home

-your kids leave the house

-you go back to school

-you finish school

-you clean the house

-you organize the garage

-you clean off your desk

-you lose 10 lbs.

-you gain 10 lbs.

-you get married

-you get a divorce

-you have kids

-the kids go to school

-you retire

-summer

-spring

-winter

-fall

-you die....

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching.

AMEN to that! Lynn

Friday, January 7, 2005 7:08 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

22 DOWN and only 3, count them THREE radiation treatments left to go!! Wahoo!!!

So far I have NO signs of lymphedema, huge PRAISE! Oh, to be able to get through 25 rounds of radiation and not get lymphedema will be such an answered prayer! Both Dr. Hampe and Dr. Greenberg said my chances were high as he removed 16 nodes between last year, and this years surgery. But hey, look at me I am 22 rounds into this treatment and I am FINE! See ya’ll the power of prayer is mighty.

This morning my Mom came over to watch Jacob so that I could go to my radiation appointment. Right before she showed up I asked him if I could make him some breakfast. Do you know what that toot’s response was? “No that’s o.k. Mommy, Grandma makes better breakfast than you!” Ah! I was crushed! Not really…he is right Grandma makes home make French toast; and on a good day I’ll pop a waffle in the toaster or nuke some pancakes. Thanks Mom, I heard the French Toast was devine.

The radiation machine had to be re-booted today and as a result they were running a bit behind schedule. No worries, it gave me a chance to visit with some fun ladies that were waiting for their “turn” to get radiated. It’s amazing what a connection you can make with women when you’ve faced similar cancer battles. We were swapping stories, comparing doctors, treatment regimen, etc. Lisa, if you are reading DON’T you smoke girlfriend! And put down that “Snickers Bar” the sugar is BAD, BAD, BAD for you. I’ll be your conscience even after I’m done on Wednesday. HA!

JennyGwynn I am SO GLAD to hear from you on my guest book darlin’. I have missed your wit. You are not allowed to go on vacation anymore. I LOVE hearing from ya’ll. Soon I will be done with treatment and you will no longer have my daily posts to entertain you. OH, the horror…what will you do? HA! Maybe someday I’ll be blessed with a different venue. Time will tell, until then…I am looking right!

Much love to each of you.
Lynn

Thursday, January 6, 2005 4:40 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

21 DOWN and only 4 left to go! WAHOO!! I can't believe my last day of radiation is next Wednesday. I am getting SO excited!

So, today was a great day. Taylor and Jacob were both back to school and we are back to our normal routine. Life is good! They missed their teachers and friends and as much as I LOVED hanging around in our P.J.'s late in the morning, I will admint that it was nice to be able to get a couple errands run by myself.

The best part of the day is that I got a chance to lock eyes on both Holly and Dana for lunch. OH! It was good to see you Dana, and Blue Fish Sushi GREAT CALL! I am already looking forward to next time. Holly...I am going to hold you to the "Green Fish" invitation!

I have some great news that I had a chance to share with some of my friends and family the past couple days and I'd like to take this opportunity to share it with all of you.

When I met with Barb appx 6 wks ago she correctly diagnosed that I had a low thyroid. Last years chemo "wacked" (like the technical words I use) my thyroid and ever since I've been on moderate doses of a drug called Synthroid to bring it back in line. Barb felt strongly that we needed to correct this problem so that I didn't have to be on a synthetic drug for the rest of my life. (I am all about that!) So she started me on a homeopatic drug called HydroThoid. After 1 week of being on both meds I took myself off the Synthroid and used only the HydroThroid. After 2 wks I asked my Dr. to run blood work to see if my thyroid was o.k. He did and it was normal. That was such a relief as it was a sign to me that the meds Barb had started me on were indeed working. YEAH! On Monday I met w/ my Oncologist and he ran blood work to check on my tumor markers, CBC, and thyroid. I shared w/ him that I had stopped taking the Synthroid 5 wks ago and he said this would be the "real" test to see if infact the homeopathic med Hydrothroid was working as the half life of synthroid probably played a part in last months "normal" reading. WELL....

I got a call from Dr. Stokoe's nurse that ALL my bloodwork came back NORMAL! Including my thyroid! YEAH for homeopathic meds! Seems I will have to take these meds for another 10 months or so but then I should be done and my thyroid should be healed and no add'l meds needed. YEAH! As Dave said, "This is the best news I've heard in 4 months!" Huge Praise!

I am off to have dinner w/ my loving family and then to over to Holly's to help prepare some meals for our dear friend Melanie who is having reconstructive surgery from her masectomy next week. Please pray that God gives her peace the next few days and that she'll have nothing but joy between now and her surgery. She deserves it...it's been a long year and a half for her family as well.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. I don't have time to proof, so forgive the rambeling and type o's.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005 3:18 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here today on this Tuesday afternoon I am struck at how quiet it is. Even more interesting is the fact that I am a little bit unsure of what to do with myself. The past 18 months (excluding the pure bliss of the summer when we thought I was healthy) has been consumed with cancer. Our schedule was literally created around when I had treatments, doctor appointments, surgery, down time from surgery, chemo, radiation treatments etc. For the next week that will still be the case. However as I sit as my desk this afternoon I am struck, almost numbingly so, about the fact that this journey my family, friends and I have been on could be almost over.

God willing my last radiation treatment is a week from tomorrow. I have a follow up meeting with Barb on January 21st at 9:30am at which time I’ll learn if the homeopathic meds I’ve been taking are helping. Then the last week in February I’ll have my PET Scan which should be able to tell us if I have any remaining cancer lingering in my body. But in terms of traditional medicinal treatments I will be done as of Wednesday Jan 12th. I remember last year when I got to this point (the end of radiation) feeling a sense of excitement and fear at the same time. Excitement that I was done with the 33 daily radiation treatments, and fear that I would no longer be under the daily watchful eye of my radiologist Dr. Greenberg.

As I look back I suppose I had reason to be fearful as the cancer was still in my body. Therein lies the dilemma for this year... How do I move forward and try to capture any sense of assurance that the cancer is gone this time? I’ve thought a lot about this lately. To be honest so has Dave. It is a scary proposition, one that he struggles with even more than I do. You see he wants it all to be gone. He’d like Barb to tell me that the Cancer that threatened my life, and uprooted everyone else’s, has been stricken from my body. I’d like to hear that too. The truth is that I don’t think she is going to say that. Not on this visit anyway.

Most days I feel and look fine, so it is hard for me to imagine that my body is still threatened by cancer. However, both Dr. Hampe and Barb agreed post surgery that it was highly probably that cancer cells were still floating around in my body. They said this because 8 of 9 lymph nodes removed showed significant amounts of cancer. Over the past 5 weeks I have done all that I can do to annihilate those remaining cancer cells in the immediate area i.e., taking the proper meds and attending 18 of 25 radiation treatments. I have faith in Dr. Greenberg and his treatments. That said, I believe that the cancer will be gone from the affected area. I have an equal amount of faith that the homeopathic meds Barb is recommending will do there part to rid the rest of my body of the remaining cancer. However, she said that I’d have to be on these meds for a year and it’s only been 5-6 wks. Rome wasn’t built in a day; similarly I am sure these meds won’t cure me of cancer in 5-6 weeks. But in time, Rome was completed, and it is beautiful ~ in time I am certain my body will be cancer free. Until then I will have Faith in our God that he will continue to lead me to the people I need to see until the day comes that I get the news I am waiting to hear ~ your body is free of cancer.

Enough of my words, I’ll close with this: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”. (Heb. 11:1) I am certain that there is a God in heaven and that he loves us very much. What more do we need? Not a thing.

Much love to you,
Lynn

Monday, January 3, 2005 9:09 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Monday morning and I am leaving to go to radiation in about 10 minutes (my 18th of 25 if memory serves me). As such I will make this a short journal entry.

After rebounding on Saturday I think I over did it...either that or the illness went into my chest as I spent most of yesterday coughing. Which isn't so bad during the day, but it meant sleeping upright in bed all night and still only getting a few moments rest. Dave finally gave up on me around 12:30am and left to grab a few hours of sleep in the spare bed room. Poor guy, I am sure he is tired of me being sick...so I am I! Please say a prayer that this will pass soon I am already tired from radiation and this is compounding the issue.

Last night Dave and I spent 3 hours taking down all our beautiful Christmas decor. Oh, it was such a bummer taking down my tree! I took pictures of it and I'll try to remember to post them as it was so pretty, and I miss it already.

I hope you all had a great Sunday, and are having an even better Monday.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, January 1, 2005 4:26 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

As you probably guessed by my lack of post yesterday I was sick with something a little stronger than a simple sinus infection. To be honest I think it was the flu but I am not sure. I spent 48 hours in bed with a fever of 100.5-102 degrees depending upon the hour at which I took my Tylenol and/or my temperature. That coupled with the chills for the first 24 hours, a sore throat and ears made for a really fun New Years Eve. Suffice it to say that as my sweet husband, friends and parents (both Berg and Newman) rang in the New Year at the Crandell’s I was in bed asleep by around 9:30pm. I woke up briefly around 12:30 to find my sweet husband laying next to me…I thought of waking him up to welcome in 2005 but I was too tired and immediately fell back to sleep. The good news is that after 2 ½ days of feeling terrible I have finally turned a corner. I felt better this morning, and by around 2pm I was up doing laundry. I must be feeling better; I hate doing laundry and will find any excuse not to do it. I guess the fact that the kids and I are out of clean clothes was enough to do the trick. HA!

So…, I am reading a book called Leap of Faith by Elle Lofaro. My friend Liz gave it to me a couple months ago and I have finally gotten around to reading it. It is fabulous and of course I ran across a passage that spoke to me, I hope it is as meaningful to you. Here is goes:

Stop waiting until you…
Finish school,
Go back to school,
Lose ten pounds,
Gain ten pounds,
Have kids,
Until the kids leave the house.

Stop looking for life to really begin when you….
Start work,
Retire,
Get married,
Get divorced,
Get a new home,
Or pay your home off.

Life is passing you by while you are patiently waiting for your song to come on, or your ship to come in.

Don’t let your life pass you by as you wait for this or that to happen. As Mother Teresa understood, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

Food for thought don’t you think? Make a New Years resolution that you will make the most of each day in 2005! It’s going to be a GREAT year, I can feel it!

Much love to you and your families,
Lynn

Thursday, December 30, 2004 6:12 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

17 Down and only 8 radiation treatments left to go.

I will make this journal entry short and sweet. I have spent the entire day in bed with what I think is a sinus infection. I started a round of antibiotics and if indeed I do have one I'll feel better tomorrow. If not say a prayer that I get over whatever it is that I have b/c I feel TERRIBLE.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, December 28, 2004 6:54 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

15 down and only 10 radiation treatments left to go! Wahoo!!!

Thank you to each of you that posted during the last few days. I was joking w/ my sister last night that since she’s been here my posts have been sparse. I apologize for that, as always she keeps me busy and full of laughter. What a blessing to have her here over Christmas. She left this morning and we miss her already.

That said, we had such a great day today. The kids are on Christmas break from school until Jan 3rd, as such we got to start out our day being lazy. I finally had to rally the troops to get into the shower around 8:30am so that we’d be ready for my 10:20 radiation appt. Dave watched them while I went off to my appointment, but I had to drop them by his office as he had a few things he had to get done this morning.. I called him on the way home to see if he had an afternoon tee-time…he did not so I asked if he’d mind if I ran a “quick errand” on the way home. He said sure where are you going? WELL…Harold’s is having a sale! HA! Well I struck out at Harold’s, but Ann Taylor sure had some cute things on sale. Hee hee! During my powershop I had a great conversation with my friend Jill (we mothers have to multi-task you know HA!). Oh it was good to catch up with you my friend. I am so glad all is well with Randy and the kids.

Holly called while I was on my way home and asked if we’d be interested in joining she and the kids at the park so they could ride their new scooters. Jake was not about to loose out on playing PlayStation 2 w/ Dave but Taylor and I joined the Crandell’s at the Nature Preserve Park in Plano. It was SO beautiful! Holly and I got in a long walk while the kids scooted around on their new toys. It was so great to get outside and let them “run”. Not to mention the fact that it did my heart good to be able to visit w/ Hol for 2 hours. What a blessing.

The only other news that I have to share is that the PET Scan that was going to be scheduled for min-January is now going to have to be pushed back until late February. Dr. Greenberg advised me that he is not comfortable ordering one before that as radiation can cause inflammation and often times the PET will pick that up as a “hot spot” and it can be mis-diagnosed as cancer when in fact it is from the radiation. As such he’s advising I wait 4-6wks post completion of radiation before he orders the PET. Although I understand, and certainly wouldn’t want to get a false positive cancer reading, I will admit that I was looking forward to getting the scan preformed as it would put my fears to rest (or not) that the cancer is gone. Oh, well…it’ll still be gone 4-6wks-post radiation… RIGHT?

I have a new friend that Dana Eisenberg introduced me to. Her name is Danielle and she had a mastectomy preformed today due to breast cancer. She is in her early 30’s and has 2 small children. Please pray that her surgery went well and that her recovery will be swift. She has a carringbridge website if you want to check on her: www.caringbridge.org/ca/danielle.

Thank you for your continued prayers, love, and words of encouragement. They mean more than you know.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

p.s. I don't have time to proof read so forgive any type O's this evening :)

Saturday, December 25, 2004 3:40 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Today is Christmas and at least in Dallas Texas it is celebrated with the beauty of sunny skies and cool crisp temperatures. I am so grateful for all that has occurred in my life over the past 5 months that has allowed me to reflect on today for what it is…a birthday celebration for our savior Jesus Christ. What a blessing to be able to rejoice in this occasion with family and friends.

My children, Taylor and Jacob, were up at the crack of dawn excited to see what Santa had left them. Oh, it was fun! Their giggles are still ringing in my ears. That said, I am thankful that somehow in the midst of growing up to become 7 and 5 year olds they understand that although it is fun to see the presents Santa leaves under the tree, they both fully understand the biggest gift they receive each Christmas is Christ Jesus! That they “get this” at such young ages is so amazing to me. I know I didn’t at their age. I think that Cancer has given me the gift of perspective and a deepening of my faith that I have been able to pass along to them. For that I am grateful…see that I have found the JOY in Cancer. Praise God that he has given me this gift.

I have a story to share with you. I find that I am struggling to find the words that adequately express this conversation. It was profound and has been on my mind all day. So here it is….

Last night I was visiting with my mother and father in law around our kitchen table as we finished up Christmas Eve dinner. We were discussing the fact that many individuals, due to circumstance or lack of exposure, do not have a relationship with God. We also discussed that some proclaim it would take a miracle preformed right in front of their eyes for them to believe that God exists. Of course I would argue that he performs miracles daily we just need to open our eyes to see them. Is he going to part the Red Sea anytime soon, I doubt it (he's already done that what would be the point?) But everyday he performs the miracle of life; furthermore he is a miraculous orchestrator of our lives.

How many times have you looked back on your life and realized that one small decision impacted your life dramatically. Were you disappointed that you didn’t get into a certain college only to find the love of your life at your 2nd choice. Were you annoyed that you were overlooked for a promotion only to find that you were offered a job elsewhere that was a much better fit? Have you ever wondered how it could be that a close friend or family member got sick or possibly died and as hurtful as that situation was it affected the rest of your life? That one persons absence forced you to become stronger, and quite possibly shaped who you are today. Isn't it amazing that one thing, or one decision affected who you would later meet in life and allowed you to have the loving relationships you have today? Did it allowed you to meet your spouse, find your best friend, or read a journal entry that would forever change your perspective on life. These things don’t happen by chance, they are all apart of Gods plan. He gives us free will, and sometimes we choose poorly. Often times it can lead to hardship. However, when we are in his word and are patient and listen he will guide us. He will show you miracles that you couldn’t possibly understand otherwise…he’ll show you peace, love and harmony…if only you’ll listen.

This is my Christmas wish for each of you. That you would come to know him as I have so that you too can experience his love.

Much love to you on this Christmas Day!
Lynn

Wednesday, December 22, 2004 4:35 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

13 DOWN and only 12 radiation treatments left to go! YEAH!

It is snowing outside as I type to you. Oh, what a sight to see snow in Dallas Texas! It is glorious! Absolutely GLORIOUS!

Recently a friend sent me a letter that touched me deeply. As I was reading it I honestly felt like I was reading my own words. They are not my words, but they could be. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are your sentiments as well.

*******
In our family you will often hear one of us say, "Christmas is my favorite time of the year!" I wonder why we say that. So often there is tension in our house during this season. And, we have spoken with many friends who also experience stress this time of the year.

During the holiday season we all have so many expectations. Some of the common things people desire include:• a beautifully decorated house• lots of homemade smells and goodies in the kitchen• happy, content, well-behaved children• all of the family together…and everyone getting along• lots of family traditions remembered and preserved• peace – at home, at work, among family and friends.

But reality may be: • a difference of taste in decorating –one likes less, the other likes more • quarrels among family members• teenagers who want to be with their friends rather than with family• hurt feelings• no cooperation in decorating the tree together or preserving old family traditions• lots of pizza boxes and few, if any, homemade goodies or time to sit down together

I think it is fair and healthy to admit the following: we all would like our home to become the "Norman Rockwell" or "Thomas Kinkade" picture-perfect place of endless joy, contentment, and peace, with perfect people who have perfect attitudes. While we may admit this is not the case at our house, we are foolish enough to assume that all the other people we know have that existence in their homes!

Let's set the record straight. There are no perfect homes because there are no perfect people! If you think your friend's family has it all together, step a little closer, ask a few questions, become more observant. You will find that they have their eccentricities and flaws and struggles. It's just different at each of our houses and it changes from year to year.

Currently, we have friends who are recovering from surgery and cannot do the usual Christmas activities. We know others in the midst of enormous health challenges. Still others are facing the first year after the loss of a family member. We also have friends who are separated and their family is in crisis. Some are making the effort to restore love and reconcile their differences. This time of year is good for bringing back memories of a happier time and hopefully providing motivation to renew love and commitment.

So, with all the potential turmoil in our lives, is there any realistic expectation we can have at Christmas? I am going to suggest one thing...peace.

While we may quote the verses that mention peace and sing the songs that point out its importance, peace is easy to miss, but possible to attain.

Finding Peace:

Too often, when we think of peace, we want someone to give it to us or to provide it for us. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves, "Are we willing to give peace?" Jesus said, "Give and it will be given to you," (Luke 6:38, HCSB).

So it is with peace. May you become a peacemaker this Christmas.
**********************

I hope you enjoyed this letter as much as I did. For those of you that are traveling to be with loved ones in the next couple days, I will pray for safe journeys and loving holiday celebrations. For those that are staying home for the Holiday, snuggle your children, and loved ones and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Christ Jesus.

Much love to you and your. PEACE
Lynn, David, Taylor and Jacob Newman

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 4:51 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I can’t tell you how happy I am that so many of you enjoyed last nights post. Or should I say that you enjoyed Dave’s Journal entry from last nights post. Oh, he brings tears to my eyes each time he writes to me. Now you know why he gets into the “dog house” when I don’t receive my holiday cards. Thank you my love, your words touched my heart just as they always do.

As for today 12 down and only 13 more radiation treatments to go! YEAH!

I have to share an amazing story with you about a conversation I had with a breast cancer patient this morning. I don’t know her name, she and another woman, a friend or a sister I presume, were sitting next to me as I was waiting for my radiation appointment. She was very curt with her words as she spoke to her friend, and to be honest at first I opened a magazine and began reading an article. Not because I was interested, I did it just to “look busy” so I did not have to engage in conversation.

We were waiting for quite sometime and at one point I couldn’t help but overhear her remark to her friend, “I don’t know how the woman who just entered the radiation room is doing it. This is her second time through chemo and radiation sh-t! I am only 5 sessions into my radiation and I don’t think I can do this much longer; and I don’t even have to do chemo. “

I couldn’t help but think that this was a door God opened for me to have a conversation with this woman. My response was a tender, “Oh, but you don’t know what you can do when you are faced with it. This is my second battle with breast cancer also. I had surgery, chemo, and 33 rounds of radiation last year; only to find out 6 months later that it was back. Well not back necessarily, but we found more cancer that we believe was there last year. Nonetheless I have now undergone 8 more rounds of chemotherapy, a 2nd surgery, and today is my 12th of 25 radiation treatments.”

She gasped….literally! and then said, “I couldn’t do it. If it comes back I wouldn’t do it all over again.”

I shared with her that I had that same response last year after I finished up with all my treatments. It is hard. However, you never know what you can do until you are faced with it, and somehow God gives you the courage to do it all over again. You can do it. This radiation thing…it is no big deal.

She complained of fatigue, and soreness. I told her that I knew the feeling. Sometimes an afternoon nap helps, and 100% pure aloe vera gel does wonders. Then, this woman that was ready to walk out of the waiting room because she was frustrated with waiting for the doctor ~ was smiling. As she left she smiled and then told me that she was off to get her Aloe gel! Her friend shot me the most loving smile and wished me well.

I can’t believe I almost gave up that opportunity to put a smile on this woman’s face because I was put off by her demeanor. God reminded me today that sometimes those that are the hardest to reach, those that push others away the hardest, are typically the ones that need our help the most. I am so glad that God opened the door for me to talk to her today. My hope is that you too will cease an opportunity to bring joy to someone’s day.

I will close tonight with a story about Christmas that a friend of mine sent to me this afternoon. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Much love to you and yours.
Lynn

*************************************************************

This is how it happened...I just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed, when I heard a noise in the front of the
house. I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind the Christmas tree. He placed his finger over his
mouth so I would not cry out. "What are you doing?" I started to ask. The words choked up in my throat, and I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual
jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager, boisterous soul we all know. He then answered me with a simple statement.

"TEACH THE CHILDREN!"

I was puzzled; what did he mean? He anticipated my question, and with one quick movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree.

As I stood bewildered, Santa said, "Teach the children! Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten."

Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantle.

"Teach the children that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man's thoughts turning toward heaven."

He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR.

"Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise."

He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE.

"Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who
displaces the darkness."

Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree.

"Teach the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection."

He then pulled from his bag an ornament of himself.

"Teach the children that I, Santa Clause symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December."

He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF.

"Teach the children that the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly represents
the blood shed by Him."

Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said, "Teach the children that God so loved the world that HE gave HIS begotten
SON..." "Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift.

"Teach the children that the wise men bowed before the Holy BABE and presented HIM with gold, frankincense and myrrh. We should always give gifts
in the same spirit of the wise men."

Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree.

"Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy
cane is the symbol that we are our brother's keeper."

He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL.

"Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang 'Glory to God in the highest, on
earth peace and good will toward men."

Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL.

"Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should ring mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and
return."

Santa looked back and was pleased. He looked back at me and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said, "Remember, teach the
children the true meaning of Christmas and do not put me in the center, for I am but an humble servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship
HIM, our LORD, our GOD."

Author: Unknown

Monday, December 20, 2004 4:12 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh what a weekend we had. The tile crew did indeed finish our bathroom Saturday. They cleaned up around 5pm, & will be back tomorrow (Tues) to seal the tile. I must say for all the complaining I did regarding scheduling, length of time etc…it looks great. I take it all back. HA! Oh, and Jami it must not have been a normal renovation job as the bill came in just as they bid it. Thank goodness.

As for our Sunday it was great. We started the day with a fabulous sermon from Pete. He spoke to us about the fact that sometimes we have to say no to extra curricular activities in order to say yes to our priorities i.e., our family and to God. Let me explain. Isn’t it always our temptation to say yes to social parties, golf games, and work functions, when we should be staying still and spending quality time with our children and loved ones. His example was so perfect. About a year ago Pete and his wife decided that they would say no to any and all activities on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday’s. The same week they made this life choice they received a call from a neighbor down the street who excitedly invited them to a block party that absolutely EVERYBODY was going to be attending. Pete’s response was, “ let me check our calendar.” His wife calmly asked him, “what night”? “Friday night, it’s going to be great EVERYBODY is going! Oh wait, Friday”…his heart sank when he realized that he had to decline the invite, as it was family night. The next day he received a call from a dear friend of his that he and his wife had been trying to get together with for months. He called to invite Pete and his wife to a Dallas Stars (Pro Hockey game) they had boxed seats for 4. OH! YEAH were are in…what night? Thursday! O.k. let me ask the wife…Hmmm, Thursday…oh, wait I can’t. I am sorry.

The two nights that Pete and his wife declined social invitations were spent as family time in front of their fireplace reading stories one night, and playing board games the other. His response to his choice to say NO to social visits in order to say YES to his family….He wouldn’t have missed that time for the world. The reason he shared this story was to illustrate that sometimes we get so excited about social functions, business meetings, or simply caught up in running errands etc. we forget that what we need to do is to say YES to spending quality time with our family, and with God in his word. When we set our priorities, and our eyes on him and not ourselves we find so much joy in the work that we do.

I would encourage you to say NO to three things over the next couple weeks. Take that time and invest it in your family and in God’s word. I’d love to hear how this impacted you. My hope is that you’ll find that when you say NO to others and YES to God and your family you will find more joy than you ever realized. The cool thing is that you’ll be doing this over the holiday (for me Christmas) and what better time to focus on your family and God.

As for today, I will begin with saying 11 down and only 14 more to go! Just as an FYI: I started my new time slot today at 10:20am and I don’t have radiation Thursday or Friday so I only have 2 more days this week. YEAH!

My kids and I have scored big time as Auntie Terri arrived yesterday afternoon and she has been spoiling us with her wit, charm, and endless energy to plan popcorn movie parties, and family lunch dates. OH, what fun we are having with her in town. God has blessed the Newman Family tremendously this year!

Mom and Jacob baked banana bread and chocolate chip cookies this morning while I was at radiation. When I got home Jacob and I attended a Happy Birthday Jesus party that my friend Melanie hosted. It was GREAT! The kids got to make crowns, a sticker nativity scene, decorate birthday cupcakes, and Mel read stories. Oh, what a blessing to see 17 kids listening to the word of God. We all brought gifts to donate to a local charity and Mel spoke to the kids about who we were helping. They were very excited about helping others. What an amazing teachable moment!

I hope you all are enjoying your holidays! We sure are.

May God bless you, and keep you in his grip.
Love to you and your family,
Lynn

Saturday, December 18, 2004 4:01 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I didn’t get to post last night…it was a bit of a crazy day. The day started out normal enough. The kids and I got up and got Taylor and her friend Julia off to school with out any trouble. But that was the end of our ordinary day….

Let me explain. A couple months ago our sweet 5-year-old son somehow lost his aim and lets just say that we started developing a unpleasant odor from behind the toilet of the Jack and Jill bathroom that connects Taylor and Jacob’s room. As such, about two weeks prior to surgery we decided that it would be best to pull up the carpet and replace it with tile. For the next week or so I searched out prices and tile selections. We finally selected a beautiful travertine 18X18 tile called Tuscan Sunset. I placed our order and it was suppose to be a simple one day job! HA! Here is our story….

Friday at 8:30am the plumber arrives to pull up the toilet. He calls me upstairs to show me something unusual. “See here Mrs. Newman you have WIRES under your carpet and even under the toilet. I’ve never seen this before…” We both shake our heads but proceed as though it will all work out. The tile men were supposed to arrive between 8-9am. At 10:00am they roll into my driveway. At this point I have to leave for radiation so Jacob and my father in law are here with the 3-man tile crew. When I come home around Noon I go up stairs and the old smelly carpet has been pulled and they are just beginning to lay down the new floorboard. The head tile guy calls me upstairs at 2pm to advise me that the WIRES that were under the carpet can not stay under the tile (for obvious reasons…leveling, access etc.) so we have appx 20 feet of 10 or so wires that will now be laying on TOP of our brand new tile. BEAUTIFUL! I call Dave to advise him of the situation and we quickly deduce that the wires are from the surround sound system that the previous owners installed after market. WONDERFUL…we have to cut the wires to our surround sound system and deal with re-running them at a later date. Hmmm…. my son’s inability to hit the toilet is now becoming increasingly annoying. I had to leave at 2:45pm to attend an appointment with Dr. Hampe (my surgeon…a follow up). As such my Mom agreed to come over and sit with Jacob and “baby-sit” the tile crew.

My appointment with Dr. Hampe went well. He put my fears to rest regarding the soreness in my shoulder, and under my clavicle bone. Seems all that I’ve been experiencing is either due to radiation, or continuing with the healing process from surgery (praise). He also checked me for lymphedema and seems that all our prayers are being heard and answered, as he saw no signs of it so far (huge praise ~ keep them coming).

My appointment ended around 4:45pm and I went over to pick up Taylor and her friend Sydney from their friend Hannah’s house. They had such fun. Candice thank you so much for your thoughtful invitation. You are so dear. I hope you resolved your pluming problems that you were experiencing yesterday.

I dropped off Syd at 5:30pm and call Dave on the way home only to find out that we still have our 3-man tile crew at the house and it doesn’t appear that they are leaving anytime soon. Dave is completely beside himself as his day did not go perfectly either and he wanted to do nothing more than to take his family out to dinner and enjoy a quite glass of wine. NOPE! He ended up making the kids and I eggs for dinner, as I hadn’t taken anything out. What’s a Mom to do? Around 7pm the guys call it a day, only to inform us that they’ll be back tomorrow morning so they will be leaving all their equipment out. When I inquired how long they would be here on Saturday the assumption was hmm…they would show up at 9am and hoped to be done at 4PM! WHAT? I thought this was a one-day job! Uggh! The only blessing is that my sister took a later flight so instead of arriving this morning she’ll be here tomorrow morning so at least don’t feel like I lost a day stuck at home with the tile crew. Plus hopefully they will be done today and it’ll be pretty before she arrives tomorrow. Cross your fingers…it is 3:50pm and it doesn’t look like they will be done anytime soon. We’ll see.

Needless to say that after the day I had yesterday I was exhausted and Dave and I were in bed at 9pm. I think we were asleep before our heads hit the pillow. My biggest regret was that I was unable to attend my dear friend Pam’s Christmas Party due to the chaos. Pam I am so sorry dear! I am sure it was divine, know that I love you and that I am grateful we got to cheers each other at the girls Christmas party Thursday night. I love ya my friend.

We are hoping to get out tonight for a family dinner. I’ll let you know if it happens or if our future is Pizza Hut Pizza. HA! Either way it’ll be fine.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, December 16, 2004 10:59 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

9 Down 16 to Go!

It is 10:45pm as I sit down to post this evening. My day for the most part was ordinary, the night got fun.

I went to radiation at 11am all was well there. I had an opportunity to visit with Kay, Rick’s wife, and he seems to be doing a little bit better (praise). He still is in pain I imagine that will continue for several more weeks. However he seems to be getting some relief from the meds that Dr. Greenberg prescribed for him. Thank you for your prayers for this family I can see a light that seems to be turning on in Kay’s heart…I am certain it is due to a change in attitude that God laid on her heart. Rick’s last day of radiation is tomorrow! YEAH! He will have hard couple wks ahead of him so if you all could keep him in your prayers that would be great.

The rest of the day went fine. I had an opportunity to sit down and visit with Dave over dinner at the club this evening. The kids ate in the playroom so he and I had a full hour of face time, which was wonderful. I had a glass of wine (which was much needed) he couldn’t because he had to go back to work (he is still there as I type).

So, here is my God story for the night. After we got home I had a message from my father in law. He had called to check in with us. I called him back and as we were visiting on the phone Holly called through. She and Kathy were calling to see if I would be joining them for our annual Christmas party a few of the ladies in our neighborhood were hosting. Our kids are older now and we don’t get to see each other as much as we used to, but we try and get together once a quarter and this time it was over the Christmas holiday. Under normal circumstance I would never miss it, but Dave unexpectedly had to work this evening so I found out this morning that I would not be able to go. Anyway when I clicked back from talking to Holly Dean (my father in-love) asked if everything was o.k. ~ I told him about the party. He asked why I didn’t ask him to sit w/ the kids. I responded that he was already sitting with Jake tomorrow when I went to radiation and I didn’t want to impose. To which he replies, let me check w/ Gail, but I am sure it’ll be fine, that's why we live here. He called me back a couple minutes later to tell me he was on his way.

OH! What a blessing! I had so much fun with these ladies. God sure knew what he was doing when he planted the Newman’s in Stonebriar three years ago. I don’t know what I would do with out these friends. We laughed so much this evening. My heart needed it! Martha, everything was beautiful and you had such an amazing spread! Champaign, Caviar, and chocolate dipped strawberries…it doesn’t get much better than that. I love you ladies! And Mary Jo, I love my wine girlfriend! Thank you!

Dean, thank you so much for blessing me with the opportunity to attend the party this evening. I didn’t expect to go and I would have never called to ask. What a blessing that you happened to be on the phone when Holly called. Thank you.

I have the most generous parents and in-laws when it comes to helping with my kids. I am truly blessed!

Much love to all of you.
Lynn

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 4:28 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

My day started out normal enough… The kids and I got ready for school with out too much fuss. In fact we were in the car by 7:32am (3 minutes early)…it was then that my morning went down hill…literally! I realized as I pulled out the driveway that it was trash day. David always handles this but he is out of town and I realize if I don’t get it out there before I run Taylor to school I’ll miss the pick up. So I circle back around the cul-de-sac and pull up next to my mailbox so as not to block the drive way; this way I can get the trash cans down with out too much trouble. Yeah RIGHT!! I open my door place one foot down and WHAM down I go on a sheet of ice! YEP, ice in Texas! I fell not only once, but twice catching myself w/ my left hand and hip. Blood is running down my hand and I am a wreck as quite honestly the pain was excruciating (it still hurts as I type this to you now). Although it hurt a great deal I am sure I look hysterical. From an outsiders perspective it probably looked like a seen from a comedy where “blonde” falls, then tries to get up and falls again! Trust me it wasn’t funny at the time…but I’ll admit it probably sounds it now.

Thank you to my sweet friend Holly for running to my rescue, bringing down my trash cans, and calling Pam. Also, a big thank you to Pam for coming so quickly to grab Taylor and taking her to school with in 1-2 minutes. Ya’ll are so dear! What would I do with out you?

I came inside and cleaned my self up, then iced my hand and hip. It helped a bit but I have a grapefruit sized bruise on my hip and a beat up left hand. (I had to have some battle wounds right? Otherwise no one would believe me how bad it really was. HA!)

Taylor and I will be leaving in a couple hours to go to a Happy Birthday Jesus party that my dear friend Anna is hosting. We are SO looking forward to it. My only regret is that Taylor’s sweet friend Ashlynn (Holly’s 7 yr old) will not be joining us as she has strep throat! BUMMER! The girls played for hours yesterday afternoon. Please pray that Ashlynn gets over this quickly and that the rest of the Crandell’s and the Newman family do not come down with it. Much love to you sweetie, I hope you feel better soon.

I can’t wait to update you on Anna’s Happy Birthday Jesus party. Depending upon how late we get home I may update this post tonight.

Love to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. Thank you for your continued prayers for Rick. He looked a bit better today. Friday is his last day of radiation. I will be taking his 10:20am time slot as of Monday so for those of you that are praying for me set your clocks to 10:20am. XOXO! Lynn

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 7:25 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

7 Down 18 more to go…YEAH!

I find myself in an awkward position tonight of feeling for the most part healthy (fighting’ off a little cancer…but other than that healthy); and the 5 week radiation marathon that I am in the midst of offers very little to report on a daily basis (praise). As such, as I sit down to post this evening I wonder if I truly have something to say that is of interest to those of you who lovingly check on me each day. I am not sure that I do, but I will share my day and let ya’ll be the judge.

After getting Taylor and Jacob off to school I found myself feeling exactly how I didn’t want to feel this holiday season …hurried. I have a list 3 pages long of to do’s that must get done before Thursday as that is Jacob’s last day of school and from then on out I’ll have his eyes upon me and there will be no Christmas gift buying then. I told myself, and all of you for that matter, to try and slow down this holiday season. I have tried to do just that, and yet this week seems crazy. We’ve got Christmas parties, school parties, birthday parties, school fundraisers, food drives & grocery shopping. Not to mention the fact that I need to schedule the dog to get groomed, and purchase holiday attire for the kids…Whoosh! Each of them is important and individually easy enough to manage. Yet as my list runs onto a third page I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning. I am sure most of you Mom’s can relate.

That all changed after I went to radiation and I sat across from the wife of Rick (the gentleman I wrote about last week that can’t swallow due to radiation). I immediately asked her how Rick was doing (he was in the middle of his 20 minute radiation therapy). Her reply was, “Not good. Not good at all. He still can’t swallow and the mucus build up in his throat is such that it is becoming difficult to talk, and increasingly more painful. He is very down emotionally, and isn’t interested in eating.” Of course his wife ensures that he does get fed via the feeding tube but it takes quite a bit of umm…encouragement on her part. She finds herself becoming increasingly dejected as this cancer has taken over their entire life (as cancer does); and quite honestly she feels angry that it has done so. I empathize with her regarding this issue as at times I too feel that cancer can be all consuming.

God blessed our time together this morning as I was given an opportunity and the words to encourage her through this difficult time. I reminded her to choose her words with him. That when she found that she is about to use her self proclaimed sharp tongue to remember to pray through her frustration instead of lashing out at him. It is difficult as a cancer patient at times to get over the feelings of despair, and frustration because you are feeling the physical pain of your treatments. If you could wish it all away you would, but the truth is that you can’t. Nothing is more important during these times than to have a loving spouse, friend, or family member to lift you up.

I didn’t get the sense from Rick’s wife that religion played a central role in their lives. Herein lies my prayer request for tonight. Please pray that Rick feels some relief from the pain he has in his throat. Pray that the mucus that is blocking his throat be loosened so that it can be pushed up and out of his mouth, or that he may be able to swallow it…either way he’ll find relief. Pray for compassion, understanding, and peace for Rick’s wife. Her love for him is obvious, but she is struggling with the whole “he doesn’t deserve this” syndrome. Of course he doesn’t…. However I am often reminded we all go through difficult times in our lives, & it is how we deal with them that will define us and grow us up. Pray that this happens for this family. Pray that God gives them peace and understanding of his will.

As you can imagine leaving the cancer center after having this conversation my mindset was forever altered. Maybe that is how each of you felt when I posted about slowing down last week. I am not sure…

So, did I throw my list out the window? No. I was able to check a few things off of it. But it is still a couple pages long, and that is o.k. I will tell you that instead of hurrying around all afternoon to complete my list I took time out to meet Holly and baby Catherine Grace for lunch. We multi-tasked and looked at Christmas attire for the girls at the same store (Macy’s). But mostly it was about locking eyes on my dear friend that I hadn’t seen since last Thursday. Discussing what was on our hearts and confirming with each other how grateful we are that God has blessed us with such wonderful friendships. So that’s it. That’s my day. It was enlightening, it was full, and it was blessed. I hope yours was too.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 7:20 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

7 Down 18 more to go…YEAH!

I find myself in an awkward position tonight of feeling for the most part healthy (fighting’ off a little cancer…but other than that healthy); and the 5 week radiation marathon that I am in the midst of offers very little to report on a daily basis (praise). As such, as I sit down to post this evening I wonder if I truly have something to say that is of interest to those of you who lovingly check on me each day. I am not sure that I do, but I will share my day and let ya’ll be the judge.

After getting Taylor and Jacob off to school I found myself feeling exactly how I didn’t want to feel this holiday season …hurried. I have a list 3 pages long of to do’s that must get done before Thursday as that is Jacob’s last day of school and from then on out I’ll have his eyes upon me and there will be no Christmas gift buying then. I told myself, and all of you for that matter, to try and slow down this holiday season. I have tried to do just that, and yet this week seems crazy. We’ve got Christmas parties, school parties, birthday parties, school fundraisers, food drives & grocery shopping. Not to mention the fact that I need to schedule the dog to get groomed, and purchase holiday attire for the kids…Whoosh! Each of them is important and individually easy enough to manage. Yet as my list runs onto a third page I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning. I am sure most of you Mom’s can relate.

That all changed after I went to radiation and I sat across from the wife of Rick (the gentleman I wrote about last week that can’t swallow due to radiation). I immediately asked her how Rick was doing (he was in the middle of his 20 minute radiation therapy). Her reply was, “Not good. Not good at all. He still can’t swallow and the mucus build up in his throat is such that it is becoming difficult to talk, and increasingly more painful. He is very down emotionally, and isn’t interested in eating.” Of course his wife ensures that he does get fed via the feeding tube but it takes quite a bit of umm…encouragement on her part. She finds herself becoming increasingly dejected as this cancer has taken over their entire life (as cancer does); and quite honestly she feels angry that it has done so. I empathize with her regarding this issue as at times I too feel that cancer can be all consuming.

God blessed our time together this morning as I was given an opportunity and the words to encourage her through this difficult time. I reminded her to choose her words with him. That when she found that she is about to use her self proclaimed sharp tongue to remember to pray through her frustration instead of lashing out at him. It is difficult as a cancer patient at times to get over the feelings of despair, and frustration because you are feeling the physical pain of your treatments. If you could wish it all away you would, but the truth is that you can’t. Nothing is more important during these times than to have a loving spouse, friend, or family member to lift you up during these times.

I didn’t get the sense from Rick’s wife that religion played a central role in their lives. Herein lies my prayer request for tonight. Please pray that Rick feels some relief from the pain he has in his throat. Pray that the mucus that is blocking his throat be loosened so that it can be pushed up and out of his mouth, or that he may be able to swallow it…either way he’ll find relief. Pray for compassion, understanding, and peace for Rick’s wife. Her love for him is obvious, but she is struggling with the whole “he doesn’t deserve this” syndrome? Of course he doesn’t…. However I am often reminded we all go through difficult times in our lives, & it is how we deal with them that will define us and grow us up. Pray that this happens for this family. Pray that God gives them peace and understanding of his will.

As you can imagine leaving the cancer center after having this conversation my mindset was forever altered. Maybe that is how each of you felt when I posted about slowing down last week. I am not sure…

So, did I throw my list out the window? No. I was able to check a few things off of it. But it is still a couple pages long, and that is o.k. I will tell you that instead of hurrying around all afternoon to complete my list I took time out to meet Holly and baby Catherine Grace for lunch. We multi-tasked and looked at Christmas attire for the girls at the same store (Macy’s). But mostly it was about locking eyes on my dear friend that I hadn’t seen since last Thursday. Discussing what was on our hearts and confirming with each other how grateful we are that God has blessed us with such wonderful friendships. So that’s it. That’s my day. It was enlightening, it was full, and it was blessed. I hope yours was too.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 7:14 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

7 Down 18 more to go…YEAH!

I find myself in an awkward position tonight of feeling for the most part healthy (fighting’ off a little cancer…but other than that healthy); and the 5 week radiation marathon that I am in the midst of offers very little to report on a daily basis (praise). As such, as I sit down to post this evening I wonder if I truly have something to say that is of interest to those of you who lovingly check on me each day. I am not sure that I do, but I will share my day and let ya’ll be the judge.

After getting Taylor and Jacob off to school I found myself feeling exactly how I didn’t want this to feel this holiday season …hurried. I have a list 3 pages long of to do’s that must get done by Thursday as that is Jacob’s last day of school and from then on I’ll have his eyes upon me and there will be no Christmas gift buying then. I told myself, and all of you for that matter, to try and slow down this holiday season. I have tried to do just that, and yet this week seems crazy. We’ve got Christmas parties, school parties, birthday parties, school fundraisers, food drives & grocery shopping. Not to mention the fact that I need to schedule the dog to get groomed, and purchase holiday attire for the kids…Whoosh! Each of them is important and individually easy enough to manage. Yet as my list runs onto a third page I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning. I am sure most of you Mom’s can relate.

That all changed after I went to radiation and I sat across from the wife of Rick (the gentleman I wrote about last week that can’t swallow due to radiation). I immediately asked her how Rick was doing (he was in the middle of his 20 minute radiation therapy). Her reply was, “Not good. Not good at all. He still can’t swallow and the mucus build up in his throat is such that it is becoming difficult to talk, and increasingly more painful. He is very down emotionally, and isn’t interested in eating.” Of course his wife ensures that he does get fed via the feeding tube but it takes quite a bit of umm…encouragement on her part. She finds herself becoming increasingly dejected as this cancer has taken over their entire life (as cancer does); and quite honestly she feels angry that it has done so. I empathize with her regarding this issue as at times I too feel that cancer can be all consuming.

God blessed our time together this morning as I was given an opportunity and the words to encourage her through this difficult time. I reminded her to choose her words with him. That when she found that she is about to use her self proclaimed sharp tongue to remember to pray through her frustration instead of lashing out at him. It is difficult as a cancer patient at times to get over the feelings of despair, and frustration because you are feeling the physical pain of your treatments. If you could wish it all away you would, but the truth is that you can’t. Nothing is more important during these times than to have a loving spouse, friend, or family member to lift you up.

I didn’t get the sense from Rick’s wife that religion played a central role in their lives. Herein lies my prayer request for tonight. Please pray that Rick feels some relief from the pain he has in his throat. Pray that the mucus that is blocking his throat be loosened so that it can be pushed up and out of his mouth, or that he may be able to swallow it…either way he’ll find relief. Pray for compassion, understanding, and peace for Rick’s wife. Her love for him is obvious, but she is struggling with the whole “he doesn’t deserve this” syndrome. Of course he doesn’t…. However I am often reminded that we all go through difficult times in our lives. It is how we deal with them that will define us and grow us up. Pray that this happens for this family. Pray that God gives them peace and understanding of his will.

As you can imagine leaving the cancer center after having this conversation my mindset was forever altered. Maybe that is how each of you felt when I posted about slowing down last week. I am not sure…

So, did I throw my list out the window? No. I was able to check a few things off of it. But it is still a couple pages long, and that is o.k. I will tell you that instead of hurrying around all afternoon to complete my list I took time out to meet Holly and baby Catherine for lunch. We multi-tasked and looked at Christmas attire for the girls at the same store (Macy’s). But mostly it was about locking eyes on my dear friend that I hadn’t seen since last Thursday. Discussing what was on our hearts and confirming with each other how grateful we are that God has blessed us with such wonderful friendships. So that’s it. That’s my day. It was enlightening, it was full, and it was blessed. I hope yours was too.

Much love to all of you,
Lynn

Monday, December 13, 2004 9:02 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Monday morning Jacob and I just returned from taking Taylor and her friend Julia to school. He has now sequestered himself upstairs as his cousin Nick is in town from Colorado and apparently lent Jacob a new Playstation 2 video game that he and David played all last night. BOYS and their video games…they are so funny.

We had a good weekend. Sorry I didn’t post seems the week ends just get crazy and by the end of the day I am simply too tired to post with any real enthusiasm. That said I would love to share what our crazy weekend looked like.

Saturday morning Jacob had a basket ball game. The mighty Rockets are still getting their game together and to compound the issue we played against a team that had the next Michael Jordan on their side. HA! It was a hoot!

After the game I attended the Stamp Out Breast Cancer Fundraiser that my friend Misa organized in my name. It was an intimate group and Oh, did we have fun. It was great fellowship and learning time. Several of these ladies are very knowledgeable about organic food etc. It was great listening to their thoughts on the importance of healthy eating. You know me, I am very much set in my ways and am taking baby steps into the world of organics. Ya’ll be happy to know that the Newman’s have switched over to organic milk. The next step is to carry that over to all dairies. I am struggling with the fruit…but I am sure I’ll get there.

Sunday was fantastic. Pastor Pete preached a wonderful sermon that I’ll save for a post in and of itself another day. We followed up church with the kids and I (including cousin Nick) attending the Santa Brunch at the Country Club. Oh, it was so much fun. Santa was there, and he brought an elf to make the kids balloon animals. They had old-fashioned Christmas Carolers that were simply amazing!!! And as always the food was outstanding.

Immediately upon our return from the Club I saw my dear friend Holly sitting in her driveway with her kids and I ran over to hug her neck. Hol I missed ya my friend. So glad you are home. I’ll look forward to catching up later today. I sprinted from Holly’s over to Kathy’s house as her sweet one-year-old baby boy was napping and we had just enough time to highlight my hair. YAHOO!!! I haven’t been able to highlight my hair since August!!! For those of you ladies that color your hair you can imagine how great it is to get it done after going 4 ½ months with virgin re-growth! Oh, it looks so pretty!
I have the best neighbors!

I’d like to say that the day ended as wonderful as it began, unfortunately by 5:30pm by body succumbed to aches and pains and I got the chills. This is not a side affect of
radiation and I was nervous that was coming down with the Flu or something…I feel better today. Please pray that I don’t get sick. Radiation is tiring enough having a virus on top of it would not be good.

I am off to take Jacob and his friend Abby to school, then to radiation at 11am (treatment #6 of 25). As always your prayers are much needed and very much appreciated.

Have a blessed day!
Lynn

Monday, December 13, 2004 8:58 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is Monday morning Jacob and I just returned from taking Taylor and her friend Julia to school and he has sequestered himself upstairs as his cousin Nick is in town from Colorado and apparently lent Jacob a new Playstation 2 video game that he and David played all last night. BOYS and their video games…they are so funny.

We had a good weekend. Sorry I didn’t post seems the week ends just get crazy and by the end of the day I am simply too tired to post with any real enthusiasm. That said I would love to share what our crazy weekend looked like.

Saturday morning Jacob had a basket ball game. The mighty Rockets are still getting their game together and to compound the issue we played against a team that had the next Michael Jordan on their side. HA! It was a hoot!

After the game I attended the Stamp Out Breast Cancer Fundraiser that my friend Misa organized in my name. It was an intimate group and Oh, did we have fun. It was great fellowship and learning time. Several of these ladies are very knowledgeable about organic food etc. and it was great listening to their thoughts on the importance of healthy eating. You know me, I am very much set in my ways and I am taking baby steps into the world of organics. Ya’ll be happy to know that the Newman’s have switched over to organic Milk. The next step is to carry that over to all dairies. I am struggling with the fruit…but I am sure I’ll get there.

Sunday was fantastic. Pastor Pete preached a wonderful sermon that I’ll save for a post in and of itself another day. We follow up church with the kids and I (including cousin Nick) attending the Santa Brunch at the Country Club. Oh, it was so much fun. Santa was there, and he brought an elf to make the kids balloon animals. They had old-fashioned Christmas Carolers that were simply amazing!!! And as always the food was outstanding. Oh, it was a good time.

Immediately upon our return from the Club I saw my dear friend Holly sitting in her driveway with her kids and I ran over to hug her neck. Hol I missed ya my friend. So glad you are home. I’ll look forward to catching up later today. I sprinted from Holly’s over to Kathy’s house as her sweet one-year-old baby boy was napping and we had just enough time to highlight my hair. YAHOO!!! I haven’t been able to highlight my hair since August!!! For those of you ladies that color you hair you can imagine how great it is to get it done after going 4 ½ months with virgin re-growth! Oh, it looks so pretty J!
I have the best neighbors!

I’d like to say that the day ended as wonderful as it began, unfortunately by 5:30pm by body succumbed to aches and pains and I got the chills. This is not a side affect of
radiation and I was nervous that was coming down with the Flu or something…I feel better today. Please pray that I don’t get sick. Radiation is tiring enough having a virus on top of it would not be good.

I am off to take Jacob and his friend Abby to school, then to radiation at 11am (treatment #6 of 25). As always your prayers are much needed and very much appreciated.

Have a blessed day!
Lynn

Friday, December 10, 2004 7:49 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am officially 20% done with Radiation (5 down and 20 more to go)! Yeah! So far I am not experiencing any burns or signs of lymphodema (huge Praise!). Thank you for you continued prayers it is the only thing that brings me comfort as I lay on the radiation bed each day.

The kids and I had a great afternoon. It was sunny, but a little on the chilly side in Dallas today. After school we attempted to play outside with Kathy and her kids, but the brisk winter air forced us to move the play date inside. I phoned Dave and unfortunately he had to work late so we turned an afternoon play date into a pizza party. Thank you Kathy for the invite it worked out perfectly since Jim was flying in late tonight. The kids had so much fun. Once again I am reminded of why we love our neighborhood so much.

Jacob has an early Basketball game in the morning so I’ll soon be putting the kids to bed. I fear that I will not be far behind them. I actually had more energy today than I did yesterday right up until 6:45pm (praise). But it is now 7:45pm and I am about to call it a night.

Before I do I wanted to update you on the burn from the steri strips. Dr. Greenberg took the time to visit w/ me after my radiation appt and he said it looked significantly better vs. Tuesday. I begged to differ as it is still quite discolored but he explained that the healing process of any burn goes from bright red to brown. I am now in the brown stage so that means the area is in fact healing. However once again God is trying to teach me patience, as this is a slow process. I will remain in this stage for many months. Dr. Greenberg thinks I may see improvement by summer. My response…good thing it’s sweater weather! HA! He also explained the aching feeling I’ve been having below my clavicle bone (FYI: this is where a good portion of the lymph nodes were removed) is normal. Apparently the area was heavily manipulated during surgery and now Dr. Greenberg is radiating this same area; the pain I am experiencing is a very normal response. The pain will diminish after the 5 wks of radiation is over. Again…patience.

I will close with one simple prayer request: That God would allow this radiation to destroy all remaining cancer tumor cells that remain in my body. However in doing so protect me from any chance that lymphodema could set in. Amen

Love to you and your family,
Lynn

Thursday, December 9, 2004 7:28 PM CST

December 9, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

4 Down 21 to Go!

Today I completed my 4th of 25 rounds of radiation. So far I am not experiencing any burns from the radiation (praise) or signs of lymphodema (huge praise). Thank you to each of you that are my prayer warriors as each time I go in for my treatment I am comforted in the knowledge that as I pray that God uses the radiation to kill any remaining cancer cells that he also protects my body from developing lymphodema as a side affect from the radiation I know that I am not alone in those prayers. It will be by God’s grace that I don’t get this side affect, as my chances are high based on the number of lymph nodes that were removed. Please, Please continue to pray that this does not happen.

On a happier note my dear friend Holly and her husband left for N.Y. this morning. Oh, Christmas in New York sounds divine. Dave and I were supposed to go the 19th-21st but it is not looking like we will be able to make that happen. Oh well, maybe next year. I told Holly to take lots of pictures so we can post a cpl on the site. Then we’ll all get to experience it through her. Hol, if you’re reading this I hope you made it safely and are gearing up for your SPA day tomorrow! You go girl…Todd you rock!

Oddly enough Dave is flying home from N.Y. as we speak. Chances are that he and the Crandell’s were at the airport at the sometime today. How funny would it be if he came home and told me he ran into them? HA! Our lives are so intertwined that it just might happen.

I will close with a brief summary of the down side to radiation. As expected I am tired today. I remember that being the case last year. By Thursday and Friday I was pretty spent. Not that I can’t get things done, they just get done slower. Fortunately I have Sat & Sun to recover and by Monday I’ll feel fine. Just in time to start it all over again. The only thing that is concerning me at this point is that the burn from the steri strips is not healing, as I would like. Dr. Hampe did such a great job on my surgery. My incision scar is really not that bad - but the entire area (4” X 1”) around it will scar also if we can’t get it under control. Uggh! Please pray that this does not happen.

It is 7:11pm and I need to go put my sweet angels to bed.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, December 9, 2004 7:28 PM CST

Thursday, December 9, 2004 7:11 PM CST

December 9, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

4 Down 21 to Go!

Today I completed my 4th of 25 rounds of radiation. So far I am not experiencing any burns from the radiation (praise) or signs of lymphodema (huge praise). Thank you to each of you that are my prayer warriors as each time I go in for my treatment I am comforted in the knowledge that as I pray that God uses the radiation to kill any remaining cancer cells that he also protects my body from developing lymphodema as a side affect from the radiation I know that I am not alone in those prayers. It will be by God’s grace that I don’t get this side affect, as my chances are high based on the number of lymph nodes that were removed. Please, Please continue to pray that this does not happen.

On a happier note my dear friend Holly and her husband left for N.Y. this morning. Oh, Christmas in New York sounds divine. Dave and I were supposed to go the 19th-21st but it is not looking like we will be able to make that happen. Oh well, maybe next year. I told Holly to take lots of pictures so we can post a cpl on the site. Then we’ll all get to experience it through her. Hol, if you’re reading this I hope you made it safely and are gearing up for your SPA day tomorrow! You go girl…Todd you rock!

Oddly enough Dave is flying home from N.Y. as we speak. Chances are that he and the Crandell’s were at the airport at the sometime today. How funny would it be if he came home and told me he ran into them? HA! Our lives are so intertwined that it just might happen.

I will close with a brief summary of the down side to radiation. As expected I am tired today. I remember that being the case last year. By Thursday and Friday I was pretty spent. Not that I can’t get things done, they just get done slower. Fortunately I have Sat & Sun to recover and by Monday I’ll feel fine. Just in time to start it all over again. The only thing that is concerning me at this point is that the burn from the steri strips is not healing, as I would like. Dr. Hampe did such a great job on my surgery. My incision scar is really not that bad - but the entire area (4’ X 1’) around it will scar also if we can’t get it under control. Uggh! Please pray that this does not happen.

It is 7:11pm and I need to go put my sweet angels to bed. So I will say Good Night.

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 8:29 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

3 Down 22 To Go!

As I sit here quietly on this Wednesday evening I am amazed at how peaceful I feel (Dave is out of town and I just tucked the kids in for the night). So often my tendency is to allow myself to become consumed with stress as the Holiday’s approach. What to purchase for each special loved one, family member, dear friend, neighbor, boss, co-worker, 3rd cousin twice removed, person I met last week. Do you see where I am going with this? This time of year is so special. For those that believe in Christ it is a celebration of his birth. What message are we sending to our children if we are all consumed with purchasing the perfect gift for our friend who has a closet full of clothes, a beautiful home, and healthy kids if we forget to give to those who are really in need. Or if we allow ourselves to be so caught up in “Old St. Nick” that we forget to speak to our children about Jesus and remind them what this time of year is all about.

Please know that I am writing these words to myself as much as to all of you. It’s fun to get excited about Christmas. I am excited. My kids at 5 and 7 are at such a magical age. They still believe in spirit of Christmas, in Santa, and yet they understand it really is all about Christ’s birth. They are both attending Christmas parties this year ~ not to exchange gifts with their friends but Happy Birthday Jesus parties where they will be bringing gifts to wrap for a families in need, and reading stories about the birth of Jesus. What a blessing to be a part of this celebration. I’d love to hear from those of you that start this as a new tradition with your children. How amazing would that be!

I hope as the holidays grow near that you will slow down and enjoy your children; enjoy the real spirit of this Christmas. Let this year be the year that you start a new tradition with your family ~ whatever tradition it may be. You’ll never forget creating special memories with your family…you’ll forget what you bought your dear friend 3 weeks after the holiday passes.

Cherish the time you have with your family it is priceless; and as much as we like to think it isn’t…it’s limited here on earth.

Much love to you and your,
Lynn

-

-

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 6:31 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

2 DOWN 23 to GO!

I tried to post last night but the web site was down. I am posting while I get the kids ready for school, so I will be brief.

Yesterday’s radiation went well. After my appt I had a chance to meet with Dr. Greenberg (my radiologist) and he prescribed a cream for my arm. Seems I developed a burn from the steri Strips that were put over my incision and neo-sporin was making it worse. I hope to get some relief from this new cream as the affected area is quite tender. Not to worry the burn is by my incision, which is not where they are radiating so it will not continue to burn through the radiation process.

I will let you know how my appt goes later today.

Much love to you,
Lynn

Monday, December 6, 2004 6:31 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

1 Down 24 More to GO!

Today I had my first of 25 radiation treatments. It was interesting going back to radiation this year. Last year I remember being very nervous my first visit, to the point of physically shaking once I got up on the table. Looking back I know it was nerves ~ fear of the unknown. After my first couple visits the following 30 visits were really no big deal. At about the two-thirds point I started getting a tan, and about three quarters of the way through it had developed into a slight burn. All in all it went fine. This year I found that I wasn’t at all nervous about the physical process of the radiation, as I drew on my knowledge from last year. The apprehension I had this year is that this year I have the added stress that in trying to rid my body of any remaining cancer cells from the breast cancer I am inadvertently putting myself at great risk for a life long illness - lymphodema. That part annoys me to no end. Why is it that modern medicine is always a trade off? Why is it that the meds we are required to take to “cure” us of cancer have so many side effects? It makes me more and more convinced that the approach I am taking with Barb and pursuing holistic medicine is a the right path for me. Of course I say that and I am still fully planning on attending the next 24 visits of radiation…leave no stone unturned as my surgeon Dr. Hampe says. Indeed ~ I have much to do in this life and I have only yet begun.

To each of you that are reading my journal and gleaning from it what you will I have a story that brought me perspective today and I hope it’ll do the same for you.

As I waited to be called back to radiation I sat quietly, keeping much to myself as I typically do. I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation the woman next to me was having with the gentleman across the row from her. She gently asked the man, “is this your first visit?” He replied that indeed it was. She said, “Well this is our 25th of 33 visits. My husband has throat cancer. He had surgery, is currently undergoing chemotherapy every Tuesday, and we come here five days a week to get radiation. He is struggling because the radiation has taken away the ability for his body to naturally produce saliva & his taste buds are gone. As such he is unable to eat as you and I do, but rather I have to feed him via feeding tube in his stomach. We hope that after treatment is over he’ll at least be able to regain the ability to taste food.”

In my mind I thought…O.k. it is now time for me to stop complaining that my arm hurts. Here I am frustrated because I can’t lift my arm to more than a perpendicular range of motion, and this man, he can’t taste his food, more to the point he can’t even swallow. He will be able to in the future. But for now, he survives via feeding tube. Who am I to complain about the pain in my right arm? Are you frustrated by something that is not perfect in your world? After reading that story are you still frustrated? A little perspective given to me from a stranger in the waiting room of the radiation center.

The story continues…

The man she was talking to subsequently gave his story. He has lung cancer. He had never smoked and his body to his knowledge seemed healthy. He was at a roofing job and he feel off the roof. He felt as though he broke every rib in his body. He was immediately rushed to the ER. Upon arrival he had X-Rays preformed and that is how his cancer was found. The amazing part of this story is that after falling off a roof he did not have one broken bone, absolutely no bruising…nothing that would indicate that he had this terrible accident. Nothing. His response to this was, isn’t that amazing?” My response to myself was, NO that was God taking care of you sir.

Again, perspective…God is always there to taking care of us, meeting our every need. At times it may be frustrating because you may not receive the answers we want to our prayers, but rest assured you are receiving the answers that you need. One day it will become apparent why we received the answers we did. …Until then trust in him.

Love to all of you,
Lynn

Monday, December 6, 2004 7:25 AM CST

PEACE.
It does not mean to be in a place where there
is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of all those things and
still be calm in your heart.

My dear friend Jill sent this message to me this morning. I find it to be so appropriate as I begin the radiation portion of this journey today at 11am. Please pray that God gives me peace, and protects my body from lymphodema as I begin day 1 of 25 treatments.

Also, please pray for Holly’s Dad, he has an appointment today at MD Anderson regarding his cancer. Pray that he gets a compassionate oncologist that is able to give him a clear path of how to rid his body of the cancer that plagues him. We Love you John!

Much love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, December 4, 2004 3:59 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh Friends what a time we had last night! A white stretch limo picked up the girls & hubbies from shadow ridge court at 6:30pm last night and suffice it to say the bar was OPEN! Champagne was flowing as we drove down to the Green Room in Deep Ellum. The eclectic atmosphere and amazing cuisine made for an amazing dinner. But truth be told it was the company we kept with the Shearer’s and Crandell’s that made the evening memorable. There is nothing better than spending time with your favorite people and they certainly are that. After dinner, and a lot of wine, we loaded back in the limo and drove down to Highland Park to view the Christmas Lights. Holly’s caption on the picture of all of us reads, “Making Memories” …we certainly did that. It was our first year doing this but we all agreed it wouldn’t be out last! You’ll have to check out the pictures Holly loaded onto the photo gallery.

Today Jacob had his first basketball game. It was such a hoot! At this age they don’t keep score and for that I am grateful. This is the 1st year these boys have played and it is so much more fun when the emphasis is on having fun, & they don’t have to worry about the score. Oh, they were so cute. I can’t wait until the last game of the season, as we will be able to see how much they have learned about the game. Todd (Holly’s husband) is our coach and he does such an amazing job with these boys. It’s all about having fun at this age.

Taylor had a birthday party last night for one of her friends in her class. Her teacher, Miss. Williams, came to the party and the girls got to “give her a make over” complete with temporary tattoos! She later sang and read stories to the kids before the party came to an end. She is such a blessing. We could not ask for a more special teacher.

Today is a bit chilly and we will be warming up to the fireplace to watch the CU vs. OU football game at 7pm. Taylor’s teacher graduated from OU last year and is filled with team spirit. She has the kids doing cheers/chants etc. Taylor is actually torn as to which team to cheer for. Daddy keeps reminding her that he graduated from CU and if she wants to go to college she’d better support his team. HA! I think she is leaning more toward OU… It’s a good thing she’s smart ~ she’ll need that academic scholarship to pay for school if she roots for those Sooners! HA! Melissa we are just kidding!

I hope you all are enjoying your weekend. Have a blessed Sunday with your family.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Friday, December 3, 2004 9:53 AM CST

Friday December 2, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I didn’t post yesterday. It was a good day I just didn’t have any news to share with ya’ll so I thought I’d leave my message up from when I met with the doctors on Wednesday. Thank you to each of you that committed to pray for me over the next 5 weeks of radiation. It gives me such peace knowing I have such an amazing group of family and friends that will be praying over me during these treatments.

Today I had a visit from my dear friend Anna and her daughter Madeline. Madeline is in 2nd grade and is 7 ½ years old and couldn’t be a more precious child. I received a call from Anna last week that they had a gift that Madeline wanted to drop off and today was the special day that I got to see them. The gift was a card Madeline made herself with the following bible verse:

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Proverbs 3:3

Then she gave me a beautiful beaded bracelet that has the word faithfulness on it. I love it Madeline, whenever I wear it I will think of you. You are such a beautiful, and precious child of God and we are blessed to have you as our friend.

As if that gift wasn’t enough from the Rainwater family, Anna’s 4 year old twin boys each wrote me a note that read, “I love you Ms. Lynn” Love Grant & Love Camden. Oh, these children are such treasures! All our kids are aren’t they? We are all so blessed!

If you are having a hard day, or maybe just a busy one, please stop and take a moment to recognize all the ways God has blessed you. I know it is easy to get consumed with work, and our daily routines but I would encourage you to stop and thank him for all the ways he takes care of us. I know my visit from Anna and Madeline made me do just that.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Thursday, December 2, 2004 5:50 AM CST

December 1, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 9:30pm and I am tired. However I couldn’t go to bed with out posting as I had two doctor appointments today and I wanted to share the details.

I met with Dr. Hampe, my surgeon, this morning at 10:45am. I am so grateful I did because he put to rest some of the fears I had been having about the pain in my bicep and under arm. The under arm pain made sense to me but the bicep pain made be nervous thinking it might be the onset of lymphodema. Dr. Hampe measured my right bicep, elbow, forearm, and wrist and then my left they are nearly identical. As such any fears I had about lymphodema were put to rest. YEAH God! He also explained why I was having the pain in my bicep, right lat, and under arm. I will not even try and explain it but suffice it to say that it is part of the healing process and I am right on track. He also took off the steri strips that protected my incision, and commented that it was healing perfectly. Another praise! The only negative that was even spoken at this appointment was that as I go into radiation he wants to see me every 2 weeks to measure my arm as radiation increases my chances of getting lymphodema. Uggh!

At 1pm I met with my Radiologist Dr. Greenberg. The appointment was great. He was able to tell me that my future holds 25 radiology treatments starting Monday at 11am. We discussed what to expect ~ nothing new here as I went through this process last year. Some fatigue, and a mild burn. I experienced both of these side affects last year, and both were very manageable. After visiting with him for about an hour I was off to simulation at which time they dawned me with two very small pin prick size tattoos and I was set.

Dr. Greenberg confirmed that indeed radiation would increase my chances of getting lymphodema. He wouldn’t give me how much of an increase etc. because as I’ve said in the past I defy all odds so there is no reason to discuss them. He shared with my that he has discussed my case with doctors all over the U.S., and to say that my case is “unique” is putting it mildly. Seems that to have cancer “skip” lymph nodes and metastasize up further in the lymph system is almost unheard of; it’s happened before but it is not at all common. So, I guess God must have had a plan for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I didn’t find the joy in my cancer last year. I got through it; but I didn’t “get it”. And I certainly didn’t let that struggle grow me up in my faith. What a blessing to be able to see my faith, and the faith of those around me grow from this experience. I can honestly say that am finding the joy in my suffering and as such I able to praise God in the midst of all of it. My hope is that those of you that are experiencing your own struggles will be able to grow through your pain and rely on God’s love to get you through.

I will close with a prayer request. Starting Monday at 11am, and then Monday-Friday for 5 weeks at 11 O’clock, I am asking that each of you reading this post to commit to pray that the radiation treatments I will be undergoing will eradicate any remaining cancer cells in my body. Second that God would protect my body so that as the radiation kills those cells he will protect me from getting lymphodema Dr. Greenberg said there is nothing I can do to reduce my chances of getting lymphodema from radiation. My response was, “Then I’ll pray through it”. I am asking that each of you pray with me.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, December 1, 2004 10:05 PM CST

December 1, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 10pm and I am tired. However I couldn’t go to bed with out posting as I had two doctor appointments today and I wanted to share the details.

I met with Dr. Hampe, my surgeon, this morning at 10:45am. I am so grateful I did because he put to rest some of the fears I had been having about the pain in my bicep and under arm. The under arm pain made sense to me but the bicep pain made be nervous thinking it might be the onset of lymphoma. Dr. Hampe measured my right bicep, elbow, forearm, and wrist and then my left they are nearly identical. As such any fears I had about lymphoma were put to rest. YEAH God!

He also explained why I was having the pain in my bicep, right lat, and under arm. I will not even try and explain it but suffice it to say that it is part of the healing process and I am right on track. He also took off the steri strips that protected my incision, and commented that it was healing perfectly. Another praise! The only negative that was even spoken at this appointment was that as I go into radiation he wants to see me every 2 weeks to measure my arm as radiation increases my chances of getting lymphoma. Uggh!

At 1pm I met with my Radiologist Dr. Greenberg. The appointment was great. He was able to tell me that my future holds 25 radiology treatments starting Monday at 11am. We discussed what to expect ~ nothing new here as I went through this process last year. Some fatigue, and a mild burn. I experienced both of these side affects last year, and both were very manageable. After visiting with him for about an hour I was off to simulation at which time they dawned me with two very small pin prick size tattoos and I was set.

Dr. Greenberg confirmed that indeed radiation would increase my chances of getting lymphoma. He wouldn’t give me how much of an increase etc. because as I’ve said in the past I defy all odds so there is no reason to discuss them. He informed me that he's discussed my case with doctors all over the U.S. and to say that my case is “unique” is putting it mildly. Seems that to have cancer “skip” lymph nodes and metastasize up further in the lymph system is almost unheard of, it's happened before but not at all common. So, I guess God must have had a plan for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I didn’t find the joy in my cancer last year. I got through it; but I didn’t “get it”. And I certainly didn’t let that struggle grow me up in my faith. What a blessing to be able to see my faith, and the faith of those around me grow from this experience. I can honestly say that am finding the joy in my suffering and as such I am able to praise God in the midst of all of it. My hope is that those of you that are experiencing your own struggles will be able to grow through your pain and rely on God’s love to get you through.

I will close with a prayer request. Starting Monday at 11am, and then Monday-Friday for 5 weeks at 11 O’clock, I am asking that each of you reading this post to commit to pray that the radiation treatments I will be undergoing will eradicate any remaining cancer cells in my body. Second that God would protect my body so that as the radiation kills those cells he will protect me from getting lymphoma. Dr. Greenberg said there is nothing I can do to reduce my chances of getting lymphoma from radiation. My response was, “Then I’ll pray through it”. I am asking that each of you pray with me.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 6:40 PM CST

November 30, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

WOW, we have an amazing God! I am so glad that so many of you enjoyed my post last night. I enjoyed it myself ~ I wished you all could have come to the service on Sunday, as it truly was inspirational I hope I did it justice.

So, I have God story for you. After my funk yesterday I needed some sunshine…and God delivered it to Frisco, TX this afternoon. But before the sun shone he brought me some sunshine in the form of a friend called Patty. Patty is a dear friend of my sweet Suzanne and it is my privilege to call her my friend as well.

So, here is my story. Several people in the past few months have tried to impress upon me the importance of nutrition. Juicing, water consumption, organics ~ you name it I’ve heard about it. Unfortunately I am thick headed at times and don’t always do what I am told. Why is it that I would say YES to putting poison in my veins (Chemo) but didn’t think to take the time to prepare healthy foods and/or drinks to feed my body and build up my bodies immune system? I don’t have a good answer, I wish I did.

But I digress…after dropping off the boys at preschool I got a wild hair to go over to Sam Moon. So as I am on the Dallas Tollway I look over and I see Patty. Which is weird because I had just left her a message 30 minutes prior thanking her for offering to bring us dinner, but taking her off the hook b/c, in my logic, if I am well enough to shop, I am well enough to make dinner for my family. Keep in mind I haven’t spoken to Patty in months! She has kept up on my progress through this web page, but we haven’t seen, or spoken to each other in months.

Back to my story…We are driving down the tollway and she got off at the same exit I did. Hmm…we continue down the same road for several miles and then she takes a left into the Mall entrance and I go on to Sam Moon. I park my car and look to the left and there is Patty’s car! Clearly she knows a short cut. HA! I go in side and there she is ~ Obviously I needed to hear what was on Patty’s heart and if I cancelled her meal God would find another way for me to hear her message; even if it was over shopping for scarves and ponchos.

Her message was about nutrition. Patty shared with me that she had watched a program a few weeks back regarding a Doctor that had battled cancer. She had gone down the path of traditional medicine to no avail. However, she is now cancer free and attributes it to healthy eating habits, and naturalistic meds. Toward the end of the program Patty was pulled away as one of her sweet girls needed her and she missed the phone #, address etc. to order the book from this doctor. Unbeknown to me she subsequently spent hours trying to track down this information. She couldn’t find the info online and she was so disheartened. Then on a Thanksgiving vacation in Colorado she turned on the TV and there it was ~ the same program she had watched weeks before. She wrote down the information and intended to give it to me tomorrow when she dropped off dinner. But I had cancelled the meal. See, God always finds a way to get us the information we need, even when we try to mess up the plan. Needless to say, she wouldn’t take NO for an answer and as such the Newman’s will be blessed with dinner from the Donohue’s tomorrow night. Patty you are so dear! I am so glad that the Lord found a way for us to meet today. I can’t wait to read the information you’ll be bringing.

After leaving Sam Moon’s and running a couple other errands I picked up lunch for the girls in my bible study. OH it was so good to see you ladies! I missed you guys the past two weeks that I’ve been laid up in bed. What a blessing each of you are in my life.

When we were about half way through our study I looked out the window and there it was…. THE SUN! Oh, what a site! We haven’t seen it for days and I was beginning to think that I was back living in Oregon or something. I need to see the sun or the gloomy days get me down. Needless to say I am grateful for the Sunshine the Lord brought into my life today. Both the physical sunshine and when it came in the form of 4 friends, Patty, Holly, Suzanne and JennyGwynn.

I am so blessed. I hope each of you had an equally blessed day.

Love to each of you.
Lynn

Monday, November 29, 2004 9:52 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here this evening I hesitate to post ~ today I had one of those hard recovery days. My body hurts, and at nearly 2 weeks post surgery I am ready for the healing process to be over…unfortunately it is not. I think God is trying to teach me patience. I am trying desperately to listen, I really am but at times it is hard.

It would be so easy to turn off my computer and wallow in my funk, but instead I am choosing to share some of the message preached at our church yesterday. I mentioned it briefly in yesterday’s post…it was on Experiencing Hope (Romans 5: 1-8). OH, it was good. I can’t possibly do it justice but there were a couple of passages that spoke to my heart and I feel compelled to pass them on to all of you.

Peace is not manufactured is comes from God. OH…I love that!

I have had so many people share with me that they are not sure how I am handling this cancer journey with such grace. My answer is always that it is my faith that allows me to get there. Truth be told, I am not there everyday. Today happened to be one of those days that I struggled. Fortunately the days that I struggle are few and far between. But on days like today when I grapple with it is the unknowns of my future like: will the pain ever go away? Is the cancer in my body growing? Will my children grow up with out their Mommy? What I cling to is my faith. Trusting that my suffering has a purpose; and Relying on God’s love to get me through these difficult times. Pastor Willis stated it best when he said, “that all suffering here on earth is making us more Christ like; it matures us in our faith and helps build our capacity to worship God in heaven…which is our ultimate goal”.

I had a conversation with a friend last night and it was said that it would have been so great had the Doctors only thought to do a PET scan last year. They would have seen that the cancer they thought was so neatly confined to a 1.1cm tumor in my right breast had in fact metastasized to my lymph nodes and would later grow to more than 4cm. They would have been able to take it out and I’d probably be fine right now. As such all the unknowns that I struggle with would be known. However, had they done that I would not be sharing my testimony with all of you right now. Had they done that I would not have been given the opportunity to touch several women’s lives and bring them back to their faith. What a missed opportunity that would have been.

“We continue to shout our praise even when hemmed in by troubles” Romans 5:3

So, here I am to shout my praises to our faithful God. I hope that you too can take solace in the knowledge that what ever your struggle, you too will grow through the pain, and know that our suffering has a purpose. Thank you to Pastor Willis for so eloquently reminding me of this purpose yesterday.

Here’s to experiencing Hope!

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Sunday, November 28, 2004 11:01 PM CST

Sunday November 28, 2004

Dear Family and Friends,

Our day began with Jacob running into our room with the following announcement …”introducing the birthday girl, Miss Taylor Noel”. HA! So started the celebration of Taylor’s 7th birthday! Oh to have such enthusiasm over turning a year older! Her smile was ear to ear! We sang happy birthday at 7:15am, and many times again through out the day…she never tired of telling people IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! The cool thing is that many people at church had read my post yesterday so they immediately wished her a Happy Birthday. Several others of you posted a Happy Birthday Greeting on my web site so she felt like she was Queen for today.

Later in the afternoon we sang happy birthday the old fashion way ~ 7 candles adorning a Maggie Moo birthday ice cream cake (YUM!). Next came presents, and then we were off with her sweet friends Ashlynn and Lili (Holly & Kathy’s daughters) to Libby Lou’s girl’s salon for some pampering! Oh, my gosh…they got rock star & starlet princess hair do’s complete with hair extensions and glitter. A LOT of glitter! Then they got eye shadow, lip gloss, and painted fingernails. I wanted to let Taylor get her ears pierced but Dave had already vetoed that idea so it didn’t happen. But they were SO CUTE!!!

After the make-overs we met David and Jacob for pizza and a ride on the carousel. All in all it was a terrific day. It ended with the kid’s video taping each other on Taylor’s new video camera. Before ya’ll gasp you’ll be glad to hear that it is a Barbie camcorder. But it’s pretty darn cool! The kids can choose to watch themselves on TV as the other video’s. OR if you have a TV/VCR (which the kids do up in the play room) you can hook it up so that it actually makes a VCR tape recording of the event. It is SO COOL! Is it weird that I am as excited about Taylor’s gift as she is? I am sure it will provide hours of entertainment (mostly for me HA!).

Oh, by the way Holly took pics of the girls at Libby Lou’s she is going to try and post the pics in the next couple of days so be on the look out from the photo page.

It was a great day! We did make it to church and although Pete was not preaching the message was great. It was about HOPE. It is too good to tag onto Taylor birthday post so I think I’ll save it for tomorrow. Suffice it to say that he spoke to my heart.

I will close with a quote that was sent to me by a number of friends. The author is unknown, but the quote is unforgettable…

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

I find that to be particularly appropriate as I continue to recover from surgery. Each of you that send me encouraging notes/posts are my angels, & you lift me up everyday. Thank you!

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Saturday, November 27, 2004 8:26 PM CST

Saturday November 27, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday we had two sick kids, and the day just got away from me. Dave and I took Taylor and Jacob to the doctor and it turns out that we have a sweet girl with a sinus infection, and a little boy that is experiencing an asthma and allergy flare up. They were both put on meds that are allowing them to feel significantly better today.

It warmed my heart to no end that we woke up to a SUNNY day in Dallas. It has been rainy and gloomy for days and the kids and I needed to get outside and enjoy some Texas sun. We did just that..all afternoon. I called Kathy around 12:30pm and by 12:45pm we were out in the cul-de-sac enjoying the day. The kids were so good. We ended up playing until 2pm when Linda’s grandchildren, and daughters joined us with their cute new puppy (Lola). Then around 3:45pm or so the Crandell’s drove down the block after flying in from Minneapolis; they joined us and our party was complete.

At one point Linda asked me if I’d join her for some champagne (twist my arm). She came out and handed me a full glass in a Waterford crystal champagne flute! SEE, she took my post to heart!! Way to use that fine crystal Linda! HA! We know how to party on Shadow Ridge Ct. Later, I joined Kathy and Holly for a glass of wine that Holly’s sweet husband Todd brought out to us~ in a red plastic cup. I know, it lacked the pin ash of Linda’s Waterford goblet but I won’t complain, it’s hard to keep up w/ her “Martha Stewart” standards! Plus, it was the thought that counted! HA! I love ya Todd.

By the end of our visit Holly and I were shivering under a blanket, and I had gloves on. We must have looked pretty funny. Ultimately it was the dinner bell, not the cold weather, that pulled the Newman’s away from our impromptu afternoon party at 5:30pm! OH, what a blessing to be given this glorious day, and to spend the entire afternoon with all our friends ~ it just doesn’t get any better than that.

I am hopeful that we will make it to church in the morning. The past 2 Sunday’s I was not able to go post surgery and I’ve missed Pete’s messages. I can’t wait to hear him tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also a big day for our sweet girl as she turns 7! WOW…I can’t believe my sweet girl is turning 7! How did that happen? Amazing how our kids grow up right before out eyes.

I hope you all had a blessed day.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Thursday, November 25, 2004 6:49 PM CST

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving Friends and Family,

Gobble, Gobble! What a fantastic Thanksgiving we had. Mom spent most of today in the kitchen preparing all those holiday favorites that we all LOVE. Seems everyone in my family has their own favorites that they put their requests in for. I of course love sweet potatoes, Dad loves squash, Jacob wanted mashed potatoes, Taylor wanted fruit, and David he just wanted the turkey. Mind you Dave will eat a couple bites of the turkey when it’s hot, but his Thanksgiving tradition is all about the left over turkey sandwiches. Everything was SO good! I wasn’t much help this year as my arm is still very sore, but now I know why we don’t make those holiday favorites all the time…they are time consuming…I’d be cooking all day long. Yeah, like that’s going to happen! HA! Those that know me well know that I LOVE good food~ I just don’t like to cook it. OH, what a blessing to have Mom and Dad with us this year as I got ALL of my favorites! It would have been perfect if my sister, my in-laws, Dave’s sister and family, and the Crandell’s were all in Texas with us! At least Kathy got to enjoy some of Mom’s sweet potatoes (there has to be some perks of staying in town!).

I hope each of you had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving. Kiss your kids, hug your spouse, call and tell your parents and your siblings that you love them. That’s how I plan to end my Thanksgiving ~ what a beautiful day.

Love to each of you,
Lynn

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 2:48 PM CST

Wednesday November 24, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

“My drain is out, my drain is out…thank God my drain is out!” Is that a song? If it isn’t I feel as though today it ought to become one. HA! My Mom and I spent 45 minutes visiting with Dr. Hampe this morning as he took out my drain. OH, IT FELT SO GOOD TO GET IT OUT!! My arm is still very sore, but not having a straw size drain with an apple sized suction bulb hanging out from the side of my body and pinned to the side of my surgery bra is such a relief! I bet some of you reading this are thinking that is way too much information! HA! Come walk in my shoes …‘tis nothing at all! You’ve got to laugh about things like that or they’ll get you down. Trust me I’ve been laughing a lot at myself lately!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have much to be thankful for. My family, my friends, my faith. Oh what fun we will have tomorrow enjoying all those holiday specialty food items that we only seem to make once or twice a year. Why is it that we only take the time to make those special items around the Holidays? For example, I LOVE sweet potatoes. They are a cinch to make, but because Dave and the kids don’t like them I only make them at Thanksgiving. I need to change that. Dave, if you’re reading this I am going to start making them more often, you’d better just start likin’ them. HA! Kathy, I’ll save some for you, as I know you love them as much as I do!

Life is too short to enjoy the simple pleasure of things like “sweet potatoes” once a year. How about you…what is the “sweet potato” in your life that you need to enjoy more frequently? Is it using your fancy china? Your Grandmothers crystal? Enjoying your children’s laughter? Finding quiet time? Whatever it is I hope that you’ll make a promise to take the time to enjoy it tomorrow, and each day after that. Life is a gift, treasure it.

Happy Thanks Giving to each of you. Have a blessed day!

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 3:39 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

I’d like to tell you that I am typing this journal “drain free” but I can’t. I am still draining a wee bit of fluid and Dr. Hampe wants to give me one more day to drain. So I will go into see him tomorrow at 9:30am to get my drain removed! YEAH!!! 8 days post surgery (he said 7-10 days and he is a man of his word). That’s about all I have to share on the surgery forefront and it’s a good thing as we have bigger issues to discuss.

All I can say is we have a mighty big GOD and we should all be singing praises to him today. If you haven’t had a chance to read some of the amazing words from my guest book I would encourage you to do so. Who would think that such amazing things could happen as a result of my sharing my journey with others? Amazing how God uses us sometimes isn’t it?

I am of course referring to my dear friend Jean’s post from today. Jean I had tears in my eyes as I read your journal. To think that I played a small role in you and your family turning back to your faith is nothing short of amazing. I have always known you to be a spiritual person and I do know exactly why in recent years that faith was tested. Often when illness, and/or difficult circumstance happen to good people it is our first response to ask why? How could a loving God let bad things happen to good people? The answer often escapes us at the time. It sometimes takes years to learn, or to understand that it isn’t our plan, but Gods and it will be revealed to us in his time. Maybe now those answers will become clear to you. They certainly seem clear to me as I read your journal.
WOW, we have an amazing GOD!

That said I wanted to take this opportunity to thank many of my family members and friends that have blessed me, and my family over the past week. Thank you to my dear friends that came to the hospital to pray for me during surgery. Each of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to see me, but knew that David and my two Moms’ needed to be covered in support and prayer that day. Many prayers were answered 7 days ago when I was in surgery. God blessed Dr. Hampe with steady hands, and the vision and touch he needed to remove those 8 cancer engulfed lymph nodes. He blessed me with an amazingly compassionate nurse and my body to recover so quickly from surgery.

In the past 7 days we have been blessed with meals from friends that wouldn’t take no for an answer. Ya’ll know more than I how to meet our needs. I am listening to a friend of mine that told me that I don’t easily accept help. She was right, but through this experience I have learned that I need to lean on others, to decline their help would be to take away their blessing to me. Thank you to each of the families that delivered dinner to us over the past week. Each of them was devine!

I also wanted to thank all of you for your calls, your encouraging notes and guest book journal entries. On Thursday and Friday I was emotionally and physically drained. I had nothing to give and so many of you lifted me up in prayer and in actual words ~ that was a Godsend to me. I needed, and continue to need, your prayer and words of encouragement more than you know. I am blessed each time my words touch your heart, please know that your words touch mine equally as much.

I wanted to let you in on a couple of special things that touched my heart recently. I shared with you that Thursday and Friday of last week were hard. They were hard on a lot of people. My husband, my kids, my mom(s) & dads(s) (I use the plural because I think of my in-laws as parents, they are family to indicate otherwise would be an understatement) and my sister, and my close friends. It was of course particularly hard on my dear friend Holly. She has been here for me, and me for her, during all of our hardships over the past 3 years that we’ve lived in Texas. I have to admit that my cancer journey has taken up way too much of her time and I think it’s her time to have a crisis HA! But I digress… she called Saturday morning to tell me that she was coming over. I looked horrible!!! But when you are sick what are you going to do? She said, well then I’m going to come over and I’ll put on your make up and do your hair. That’ll make you feel better. Some that read that may laugh, but she knows me well…so by the time she got over I’d forced myself to take a shower and get dressed, even applied some make up to make myself presentable. But my hair…well I was not able to lift my right arm so styling my own hair was out of the question. Holly quickly assessed the situation and realized that our dear friend Kathy would be the better-qualified person for this job. She called her and within 10 minutes the three of us were laughing and blow drying my quickly thinning (chemo affected) hair. It was the BEST medicine that I could have gotten. Something about we girls and our hair! We like it and when we have it, we prefer it to be styled! Is that a TEXAN thing? I think NOT!

I share this silly story to say that sometimes our dear friends and our Lord know better than we what we need. It is our job to listen. I am glad I did it was a turning point in my recovery. I needed to be lifted up and feel, and look like myself again. My feistiness was being lost in a bed full of tears and although there was a time that I needed to be sad, and angry about the news we got from Dr. Hampe it was time to pull my self up and fight. So, here I am fighting.

The other special thing that I love is my dear friends endless desire to offer their helping hands. Jenny and Pam took and picked up Taylor from school everyday last week. They didn’t have to, we could have managed but they wouldn’t hear of it. What a blessing for Dave and my Mom not to worry about getting my sweet girl to and from school. Thank you ladies. As if that weren’t enough, Jenny and Suzanne are as I type this letter enjoying a Big Mac (HA!) and watching mine, and their sweet children play at our McDonalds on this rainy day. My kidos have been cooped up inside for the past 3 days due to rain and since I can’t drive they would have been inside all day today but for their sweet offer to spring them. I am so grateful for their helping hands and big hearts. I love you ladies! What would I do with out you? See how God places people in our lives to fulfill our every need. Amazing isn’t it? Not really we just need to take the time to see it, and appreciate it. I am so blessed.

I also want to thank my Mother for all that she has done over the past week to aid in my recovery. The list is long but for the mothers that read this you all know what I mean. Thank you for your helping hands, your loving spirit, and cheerful heart. Maybe that is where I get mine.

I will close with a special thank you to my loving husband David. Each day you wake up and greet me with a cheerful good morning. It is through groggy eyes, and a drug induced cloudy brain I respond. By the time you are ready to leave for work I am actually awake enough to appreciate all that you’ve done for me before you start your workday. Somehow through all of this you have remained strong, faithful, my rock. I would be lost with out you. I look at you each night and wonder if our roles were reversed would I be able to handle what this cancer has put you through? I hope so. I hope that I would be able to maintain the positive outlook you’ve managed to hold on to. There are times I think I might fall victim to fear. Fear that I’d be the surviving parent or the spouse left behind. God willing, that will not be either of our futures. Barb said that I was a fighter. She was right. I will fight each day to continue to have the privilege of being Taylor and Jacob’s Mommy, and of being your wife. I love you more than my simple words can express. HUGH! I’ll leave it at that.

Love to all of you,
Lynn

Monday, November 22, 2004 2:33 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is mid-day and I’ve just hung up the phone with Dr. Hampe. He called to check on my recovery, and to see how much drainage I am still having. Unfortunately it is still enough that he feels the drain needs to stay in at least until tomorrow afternoon, possibly Wednesday. I had hoped it would come out today, but I am still draining a fair amount of fluid so I suppose it is best to keep the drain in at least another 24 hours (darn).

For those who have asked, given what we now know post-surgery I have been classified as Stage 3 breast cancer. Going into surgery they had classified me stage 2, but given the number of lymph nodes affected that has been re-classified. At this point it is just a number to me, something that I will reference when I share my testimony ten years from now as a cancer survivor. I am beyond looking at this as over whelming and have moved on to thinking of it as something to overcome.

I had an interesting experience yesterday with a woman named Barb that specializes in homeopathic medicine. Scheduling this appointment, and keeping it was by far the biggest leap of faith I’ve taken on this journey. Let me explain. As all of you know I am a Christian and I believe firmly that God has a plan for each of us. Mine happens to include overcoming cancer. As I’ve stumbled through this journey the easy part was making the appointments with traditional doctors. They are socially acceptable and in fact I still believe play a pivotal role in my healing process. That said, traditional medicine, i.e., chemotherapy has not been able to destroy the cancer that is in my body. We would have hoped to see that the chemo I endured over the past few months shrunk the tumor that invaded my body. It might have, but certainly not to the degree that we would have thought, or would have liked to see. That said, my dear friend reminded me of the conversation I had a couple months ago regarding Barb and the success she’d had with men and women with various types of cancer. I have a dear friend who referred me to Barb. Both she and her mother in law had cancer and now each of them is cancer free. I won’t pretend to understand how modern medicine, let alone homeopathic medicine works, but what I do know is that traditional medicine is not working. Something in the back of my mind kept going back to Barb over the past few months. Something was telling me that I needed to try another course of treatment. I believe that it was God laying that on my heart. I finally got the courage to call Barb Thursday after surgery. She called me back & left me a voicemail that she had an appt available Dec 14th. Before I listened to her message I called her back and told her my story. She normally doesn’t see clients on Sundays but asked that I come to her house the following day, Sunday at 3pm. I called my friend Jody who referred me to Barb a half hour before I left. It was a God thing that she answered. She had just walked into her office. Moments before, or after that I would have gotten her voicemail. It was Gods timing ~ she reassured me about Barb and advised me what to expect. She put my fears to rest and committed to pray for me. She felt strongly that yesterday was the day that God would start healing my body. I have felt his presence throughout this entire journey but no moment so strongly as last night. For days all I’ve been doing is sleeping (post surgery & pain meds will do that to you). Last night after taking the first of the meds Barb recommended I was energized. Better stated I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t napped all day today and although at 2:07pm I am hurting I don’t feel like I could nap even now.

It would have been so easy not to make the call to Barb. To discount homeopathic medicine and stick to what traditional science has to offer. It was God that gave me the courage to step out and take control of my body. Last night all that was running through my mind was that it isn’t always easy to take the road less traveled. I find that to be so appropriate as I journey down this non-traditional path. Let me be clear, I still plan to follow through with radiation as it is the one thing that I know worked last year (as my breast cancer did not return to by breast this year) but for the next 2-3 weeks at least I feel like I am proactively doing something that will boost my bodies immune system. Dr. Hampe is fully aware of the meds that I have begun taking and has told me that he sees no reason not to take them i.e, they will only help my recovery, not do anything to hamper it. He is very supportive and I so appreciate that.

At this point I asking that each of you commit to pray for me. Pray that God continues to give me & my family strength; guidance, hope, wisdom, and that He’ll lead me to the correct doctors and health care professionals that will help me rid my body of this terrible disease. I can’t wait for the day that I am cancer free and I can share my testimony of friendship, and Gods faithfulness. That will be a glorious day.

Love to you all,
Lynn

p.s. please excuse any type o's as my eyes are blurry from my pain meds and it makes it hard to pre-view my post. Love to you all. Lynn

Saturday, November 20, 2004 7:04 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a few days since I’ve been able to post myself and although I am grateful for Holly’s eloquent words I wanted to post so that you could hear my words and know that I am o.k. I am indeed o.k.

The surgery went as well as it could have under the circumstances. Dr. Hampe took his time and as such what we thought was going to be a 3-hour surgery ended up taking 5 hours as he carefully removed my cancerous lymph nodes away from my paper thin artery. My recovery has been hard, as I knew it would be. It is painful to move and although the pain medication helps relieve this pain it also puts me sleep and makes me dizzy and thus my thought process is not as sharp as it typically would be. (So forgive this post, as I am sure I will ramble.)

As Holly updated you 8 of the 9 lymph nodes removed were cancerous. This is not the news I had hoped for but as my loving husband points out at least the last one did not have cancer in it. Dr. Hampe felt like he “got” the affected lymph nodes but the concern is that given that the cancer had spread to 8 of 9 nodes I most likely have random cancer cells floating around in my body and the fear is that the cancer will metastasize. It will be by Gods hands that it doesn’t, as there isn’t any add’l surgery that can be done to this area. Dr. Hampe has removed all the tissue that he can.

Being the optimist that he is, I know Dr. Hampe would like to tell me that this surgery plus radiation would be all that I need to ensure that my cancer is gone, but the truth is that he can’t. I won’t even put out odds etc. as they are meaningless, and I continue to defy them anyway. As each day goes by it becomes more evident that God has a plan and it will be revealed to me in his time. At this point it is quite clearly out of our hands ~ So now we pray.

I am in a holding pattern for the next couple of weeks as my body heals from surgery before they’ll let me begin radiation. Please pray that the cancer does not spread to any other part of my body. Pray that God heals my body, gives me strength, courage, and wisdom.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, November 20, 2004 11:15 AM CST

Dear Friends,

As I begin typing this post, I already know my words will be inadequate so I’ll be brief.

Yesterday Lynn received the call from Dr. Hampe to detail what they discovered in the biopsies. Nine lymph nodes were taken out and 8 of them were proven to be cancerous. We knew that some of them would show cancer but were praying more would be free of the cancer.

What does this mean? Well, it means that, her margins weren’t clear and because our lymphatic system is a filter system, that more than likely, microscopically, there are still those cancer cells floating around in her body somewhere. Lynn will be treated with radiation in approximately three weeks and will be meeting further with her team of physicians to discuss her treatment going forward. Some dead cancer cells were found and that it good news…it means some of the cancer responded to the chemo.

Additional test are being performed on the nodes and they are being compared to the cancer removed last year to determine if it has the same “makeup”. I suppose (again…remember I am not a medical person so my terms are off), that this could be a completely different cancer or that the makeup has slightly changed. It is important to know this so as treatment is administered, the doctors can give Lynn the best drugs to fight her particular cancer.

All of this is not the news we were praying for and certainly, the journey on this path seems a little rougher and longer now than we wanted it to be. In a recent post, Lynn said it best…God has a plan for her. Lynn’s faith is unwavering and not knowing what THE PLAN is, we are relying on our God to hold us during these darker days. A friend in our mini church stated the other day, that God has a plan for us but so does Satan too. I had never thought about it that way. We all need to tell the Evil One to get behind us and out of sight/thoughts…we don’t want or need fear, doubt, worry or anything else hanging around that would invade the gift of our precious days.

Please pray sweet friends, for healing, peace, comfort, strength, endurance, guidance, patience and encouragement. God is bigger than all of this and, as one guestbook friend recently said it…our God is still in the healing business.

Blessings and thankfulness to all of you,

Holly
2 Cor. 4:16-18
2 Cor. 10:3-5

Thursday, November 18, 2004 10:18 PM CST

Dear All,

How is everyone this evening? I cannot begin to tell you how blown away I am by all of your sweet sentiments in the guestbook today. You really know how to lift some one up…didn’t know I needed lifting but it sure felt good!! Thank you, Thank you Thank you….my heart is so full!

Here’s the scoop for today… Lynn had another sound night of sleep last night (thanks to some awesome drugs) however, has had a bit of pain again today. This was expected but nonetheless…it’s hard. She did have some great opportunities to rest as well as spend some quality time with a childhood friend. They just sat together on the bed and talked…how cool is that? Tomorrow will mark day three post surgery and the pain should begin to lessen as the healing continues. At the time of this post, I am unaware of any test results so perhaps we will learn more tomorrow. With that said, please keep boldly praying that Lynn’s cancer has been completely removed and will never rear its ugly head again.

Okay…you want some funnies? Lynn tells me today….the big silver bell doesn’t work!! HA She rang and rang and rang her big silver bell….(on something that wasn’t incredibly important) but nonetheless….she was checking it out to see if it worked. Well….no one came running. Oh my. So….what does Lynn do? She has her phone and she calls her mom’s cell phone which rang somewhere else in the house and reached her mom. HA Isn’t that hysterical? What would we do without cell phones? The bell is beautiful but we were sad to learn it doesn’t work throughout her house!

Here’s one more…the three J’s (Jacob Newman and my two boys, Jay and Jack) were off to preschool together today. They were like little ladies just chattering up a storm on the way to school. They were having a Thanksgiving Feast today and were supposed to bring one ear of unshucked corn to class. I was curious as to what they did with the corn so, I immediately inquired upon picking them up from school.(Side note…they looked so cute…huge smiles, Indian head bands, noodle necklaces, pilgrim placemats in hand and tired little eyes from a fun day) “What did ya’ll do with the corn today”, I asked. Jacob quickly responded “we ate it!”. Oh….did you shuck it first or cook it? “No”, says Jacob, “we just ate it like it was.” Hummm My boys were not denying anything Jacob said and Jacob’s story never changed….he ate his corn, husk, silks and all!! HA Later, however, after much laughter (like they had pulled one over on me), Jack responded that they really did shuck the corn, remove the silks and then put their ears of corn in a bowl. Ms. Myra picked up the bowl (here’s the funny part) “buttered it up and hotted it up” then they ate it!! They all agreed that it was SO good once it was buttered and hotted up!! HA HA HA I love the cute ways our kids explain things.

Alright, I sense my posting days may be drawing to a close as I think Lynn is anxious to get her fingers on a keyboard…but while I am here, I wanted to share a wonderful message I heard at the church my parents attend in Austin this weekend. The speaker was a man named Mark Love and the title of his lesson was “Fellowship of the Mat”. You may know the bible story of the lame man who wanted to see Jesus. His faithful friends agreed to take him. This had to be no small feat as the man couldn’t move…he was 100% reliant on his friends to transport him. (If you will think about the setting…it wasn’t easy to be a person with a handicap/disability….you may have been viewed as a sinful person and thus weren’t worthy to be associated with.) This particular man, however, had some awesome friends…they took him to where Jesus was but the crowd was so big the man couldn’t see or hear. So what did the friends do? They climbed up on the roof of the building, cut a hole and lowered their lame friend, on his mat, down so he could see/hear Jesus. WOW…those are some friends who are going the full mile to help. Two questions were posed during Mr. Love’s lesson…..Who is carrying Your mat? and, Who’s roof are you breaking down? These are awesome questions….whether all is well in each of our lives or there are tremendous burdens we are carrying….we usually have some friend or a group of friends who are helping us in our journey. I ask you to think about these questions and see how good our God is at knitting together the friendships, relationships and associations we have with all those around us.

Do you know that even by reading this post you are carrying a portion of a mat? God is so good and has blessed us all with our special relationship to Lynn. You know what? Lynn is carrying mats too….she continues to minister to others in major ways while she is being ministered to…….thank you God for being so Good and thank you for our precious friend Lynn….sleep well tonight!

I didn’t learn of any test results today so perhaps we will learn more tomorrow. With that said, please keep boldly praying that Lynn’s cancer has been completely removed.

I need to close. I thanked God for each of you today…for all the readers, all the “posters”, all the prayer warriors…thank you for coming to the “Fellowship of the Mat”…and for sharing this journey with the precious Newman family. They are special gifts and we love them so!

Okay…the tired sillies are setting in and for those of you who know me well, know that I would love to be a “singer” (I am not good…just love to sing)…so the hymns we sang on Sunday at church just started ringing in my head…if you know the songs, the titles will lead you to why they are so special…. Blessed Be the Lord God Almighty; Tell Me the Story of Jesus; What a Fellowship (this is the one that has the chorus “Lean-ing, lean-ing, safe and secure from all alarms, lean-ing, lean-ing, leaning on the everlasting arms.”); Blessed Be the Tie That Binds and You are My All in All. Good songs!!!

Enough…that may have been over the edge for me tonight…I am tired and if you are reading this tonight you have to be tired too…..goodnight all…wishing each of you many blessings and of course sweet dreams,

Holly

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 10:50 PM CST

Dear Faithful Followers,

I apologize for the lateness of this post…I trust you will read on for a quick update.

Do you know that feeling you get when you are doing something sneaky?? Even if it is a good sneaky? Well..that is how I feel right now as I post. Our sweet friend is resting and managing pain right now….she has been doing this all day and I have only had a chance to chat with her on a few brief occasions so…I don’t have a ton to report. I didn’t chat with her about posting…and while I know she will be happy I posted….you know…we didn’t talk about it…so I sort of feel…well, sneaky! (Like I could tell you some juicy fun stuff on Lynn and what could she do???Hee hee). Bet you wonder what I would tell, yes? Well, I HAVE some interesting tales but won’t divulge anything here…another time another place??

I do want to let you know that all is good. Lynn had a very restful night last night (yea). She has been managing more pain today and is probably in for a long day of it tomorrow….after that, hopefully the intensity of the pain will begin to subside as the healing progresses.

As you close (or open) your eyes, please continue to pray for a speedy recovery and for the biopsy results…that the cancer has been completely removed from Lynn and that the tissues removed will show clear margins (I think this is technically correct…if it isn’t I hope you understand what I mean).

Thank you for all the awesome guestbook entries....Lynn is grateful and heartfelt about each one…please keep them coming. God is working through and all around Lynn….I can’t wait to hear her perspective via posts…once she is up and typing again.

If I post tomorrow, I’ll try to get some input from her that may give you some of her thoughts.

Until then, love and sweet dreams to all of you –

Holly

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 9:04 PM CST

Dearest Friends,

Lynn asked me to write on her behalf to update all of the wonderful family and friends who are checking in on her today. What a privilege and honor for me…..I can’t wait to tell you about all the answered prayers that occurred today!! YEA GOD!

Here goes: Lynn and Dave scooted out of the cul de sac before my pink robe could fly out there and pray with them. I did pray for them however, and had been in prayer since 4:00 a.m. this morning. I know God sent a special angel to tap my shoulder for me to get up and pray…I have heard from so many others who also said they were awakened early and immediately started praying for the Newmans, the doctors, the nurses, the family, the kids, the supporting team, the friends, etc.. First answered prayer….Lynn was COVERED in prayer!

Well, God delivered as only He can. Dr. Hampe, with stable, warm hands carefully and intricately removed that blasted cancer tumor from Lynn’s armpit today. Halleleujah! The surgery was so much longer than anticipated but Dr. Hampe explained that it was because the tumor was snug against some delicate and paper thin blood vessels and he had to be careful not to tug, pull or act in haste. So there he was….calm, patient and diligently focused on taking away the cancer from Lynn’s body. Another answered prayer: God guided Dr. Hampe’s skillful hands to handle Lynn’s cancer and remove it! We are so blessed to have Dr. Hampe.

Ready for more? Another answered prayer… Lynn is out of that surgery and is resting well (with the help of some great drugs). She is actually home!! YEA

Okay…so on to the report of the nitty gritty.
** The operation (other than the length of the surgery) was as Dr. Hampe expected. This means it wasn’t any bigger or smaller than he anticipated…it was what he had anticipated.
**Dr. Hampe felt he got all the cancer out. There is always the chance that there is microscopic cells around although we are praying the radiation will take care of that.
** Radiation may begin about 3 weeks post op.
** Lab results on the tissue and lymph nodes removed will be completed by the later part of the week.

WHEW! For those of us in the waiting room we were all getting a little ansy when the surgery started taking longer than we had anticipated. I am sure glad Dr. Hampe took his careful time. At one point I asked Lynn’s Mother In Love, if she thought sweet Dave was doing okay. She said, yes….but he will be better when he sees Lynn. I just about broke into tears…that is exactly how I felt….I would be so much better when I could see her and talk to her again too! Guess what? I GOT to see her this afternoon. (yep…another answered prayer). I got a call from her around 4:00 p.m. and I couldn’t believe it was my Lynn on the other line. She sounded great…strong voice and full of pep if you can believe it. She asked me if I wanted to come over. “Well, sure, I said…are you looped though? Do you really want me to come over?” A strong YES, I am looped was her answer and then Yes, I really want you to come over and see me. OKAY…I am not asking twice so I grabbed my girls (the boys were off on a playdate) and along with some freshly cut pineapple off we went across the street. I was met at the door by the “in loves” , Lynn’s Mom and Taylor. I quickly looked around wondering…do they know Lynn asked me to come over? Is she really more out of it than she sounded ? Whew…they were expecting us and quickly cleared us to go to her bedroom and see her. WAHOOOOOO!! I was thrilled to hug my sweet friend and see for my very eyes that she was okay. YEA GOD. Our sweet Lynn looked amazing (okay…a little bed head …that’s the FIRST I have ever seen so don’t tell her I told you) but she looked amazing and with the pain meds…she is really doing fantastic. She is well tended too…she even has this beautiful silver bell to ring (it is enormous) if she needs anything! Everyone repeat after me….”P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S” YEA. You did it!! She is a princess and we are so glad she is being taken care of so well and has all the support she needs for now. (More answered prayer).

Okay..on to some other stuff.. The Newman kids are great – both had great days at school and were able to sneak in playdates with special friends afterward. (You guessed it…more answered prayer…the kids knew their mom was okay and they had no fear…surrounded by sweet playmates to keep their precious hearts and minds occupied).

Today, God was at work everywhere. He is mighty and He is Big. Whatever our troubles, whatever our earthly needs…God is bigger than all of that. Isn’t that wonderful? He delivered so many small and big answers to prayers today and for that I am so thankful. Please know that as some very special people surrounded Lynn and her family today, there were so many other people behind the scenes, praying, taking kids for play dates, chauffeuring kids, fixing meals,etc. Each person played an important role in making today smooth for everyone and we are so grateful to each of you.

A cute story on Lynn ….can you believe she was alert enough to THANK everyone at the surgical center before being released…the doctors, the nursing staff, administration…perhaps even the janitor I heard! Hee She has a big and grateful heart and is incredibly thankful for all the big and little things done for and around her today…especially the prayers. God is good, He is indeed

YOU, friends are among the most amazing of answers to prayers. This journey would not be near as bearable were it not for your constant interventions, cares and concerns. THANK YOU!!! This journey isn’t over but we have crossed some huge hurdles today and feel so good that the cancer has been removed. I am sure Lynn will be back to posting again soon, or at least dictating her posts. Sorry this is a long post… but I felt there was so much to share.

I can’t close without mentioning yet one more answer to prayer….a lady named Brooke has been following Lynn’s journey and has been regularly posting on the guestbook. Brooke…YOU are a very specific answer to Lynn’s amazing post and prayer request last night…for through Lynn’s journey you have re-united your special walk with our amazing Lord. AMEN! We will pray for your journey and relationship to strengthen and grow as the Lord draws you near to Him. YEA GOD!

That’s about it….good night sweet friends….sweet dreams.

Love,
Holly

P.S. For all those wonderful questions….yes…meals are being coordinated for the Newman family for the next few weeks. Please contact Melanie Florsheim via email scot.florsheim@comcast.net or phone (214) 473-9992 if you are interested in bringing a meal. If you do not desire to do a meal but want to do something else….click on the guestbook below and jot our sweet friend a special note. She loves each word you write!!

Monday, November 15, 2004 8:57 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As I sit here this evening I am reminded of how many people are going through this cancer journey with me. I feel so incredibly blessed to have given an opportunity to be a part of your lives, and likewise to have each of you touch mine. I have said it many times in this journal that God has a purpose for me. I am still uncertain where this journey will end, however I am certain of one thing, I am here today talking to each of you for a reason. My life is not that interesting that so many would want to know on a daily basis what I have been up to. I believe what is drawing people to my journal the spirit they feel through reading my words. That spirit is the Lord. He is giving me the strength, courage, and determination to make it through this passage. Not I, but Christ. I could never do this alone. And I will not be alone tomorrow.

I had lunch today with a dear friend of mine, Vicky, who I’ve known since Jr. High. It had been several years since we’ve seen each other and during our time we reminisced about high school a bit, talked about our children, we even shared photos. Our conversation quickly went to our faith. I shared with her that it is my earnest prayer that anyone reading this journal that doesn’t already, will come to have a relationship with the Lord as I do. I can think of no greater gift than for someone to tell me that through reading my journal they realized something was missing in their life and that something was a relationship with our Lord and Savior. That would be remarkable.

I will close with this simple prayer. “Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to minister to each of the individuals reading these words. I ask that you bless them, give them strength, and courage as you’ve given me. I ask that as I go into surgery tomorrow you give us all peace in the knowledge that you are in control.” I love you, Amen.

Love and Blessings to each of you.
Lynn

Saturday, November 13, 2004 9:29 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

As you can imagine the news I received Thursday night took the wind out of my sails. I really was not expecting to hear that my cancer was growing again. As I tried to deal with this reality I went through the phases of emotions: fear, sadness, frustration that I had endured so much with chemo that seemed to be for not. Then I tried to regain some perspective and indeed I did (that’s how I found the silver lining for Thursdays post ~ it has not spread) then I just got tired. Really tired….I went to bed at 9pm and proceeded to toss and turn all night and then woke up at 4am. I finally got up and helped Dave get Taylor ready for school and put myself in the shower, as I knew I had to get a pre-op echocardiogram appointment that I needed to rally for.

As I got myself ready it didn’t matter what I did, put on a cute outfit, apply my make up, more make up…still more make up ~ I looked and felt exhausted. It was stress. I knew it, I felt it, and unfortunately there was nothing I could do about it. My Mom saw it and asked if she could help me in any way? I simply replied, “No, I wish there was something, but there isn’t. Don’t worry I’ll be O.K.”. That wasn’t good enough so unbeknown to me she called my mother in love, and Linda Denning and the 3 of them cooked up a plan to take me to my echo and wisk me off to lunch. Mom actually couldn’t go to with us to lunch as she was stuck at their new place waiting for the cable company to come and install cable ~ but she was in on the plan.

Just as I was about to leave with Gail to go to the hospital for my echo my doorbell rang and it was JennyGwynn. When I saw her I said, “Oh, I was just getting ready to leave for the hospital”. To which she replied, “I know I am going with you.” She has NO idea of Gail and Linda’s plan. She just felt that I needed a friend yesterday. She was right.

How do they all do that? How do they know better than I what I need. If you know me at all then you already know the answer ~ it’s a God thing. He knew, and he whispered it to my Mom, Gail, Linda, Jenny and many others that called or sent me messages to lift me up when I so clearly needed it.

My echo went perfectly. I was in and out in about 35 minutes. When I was done I walked out and Linda had just shown up and with her bright smile said, “Are you ready?” Where are we going? I replied. We’re going to Highland Park for lunch! For those that don’t live in Dallas Highland Park is a very upscale part of Dallas. It is also about 35-40 minutes from our house and as such we don’t go there very often. We’ll I’d better confess that I’d NEVER been there. As Jenny said, “Dorothy we need to get you out of Kansas ~ LET’s GO!” and off we went.

Between Gail, Linda, and Jenny we laughed the entire drive down, through lunch (which was at Mi Cocina) and back. After lunch we strolled through some of the shops in Highland Park. We could have easily spent the day shopping and we will another day, but Jenny and I were scheduled to attend Miss William's 24th birthday party (Taylor’s teacher) and we wouldn’t have missed that for the world. We LOVE her.

Needless to say after a day of an echo, lunch, shopping and a birthday party, I was exhausted. Fortunately Dave was home when we arrived and he helped get the kids ready for a sleep over at Grammie and Paps house and I took a much-needed nap. He later drove the kids over to their Grandparents. When he returned we joined our friends for dinner, drinks, and a quick stop by the country club for dessert. We were home by 9pm. What a great day! I laughed more than I thought possible and escaped from the reality of my diagnosis for 12 hours. What a blessing.

Today, we SLEPT in! I slept the entire night and didn’t wake up until 9 o’clock! I don’t remember the last time I actually slept through the entire night and woke up at 9am! What a blessing. Thank you Dean and Gail for keeping the kids. My body needed it (the dark circles under my eyes would confirm that). I felt so much better. We were suppose to pick up the kids at 1pm, but when I called to see if they were ready to be picked up they asked if they could stay until we went over to Dean and Gail’s for dinner tonight. Um, O.K (twist my arm)….Wahoo we actually had 24 hours in our house with NO kids! Oh, my GOSH! What should we do?

I know, since I have to go in for surgery Tues and I won’t have the mobility of my arm for 2-3 weeks….how about we go buy a 12 foot pre-lit Christmas tree…AND PUT IT UP! HA!

So, that is exactly what we did!!! Dave (with a cheerful heart I will add) went with me to Costco bought me a BEAUTIFUL 12 foot pre-lit Christmas tree (our old one was 8 ft, 9 year old, & NOT pre-lit…Ladies pre-lit is the only way to go. I will liken it to driving a car vs. a bike …it’s that much better!). Dave was such a trooper about the whole thing! I appreciated it more than I could say ~ I didn’t have to he could tell. I love you honey!!

Dave put the tree together and then I spent the next 3 hours tweaking each branch and decorating it. It looks FABULOUS!!! I can’t believe I have my Christmas tree up and it’s not even Thanks Giving. Oh well, sometimes you gotta do what you’ve gotta do. This year with cancer and surgery I wouldn’t be able to do my own tree unless it happened this week end. I am so blessed to have a husband who knows me well enough to know how important that is to me and was willing to help make that happen (and with a cheerful heart…did I mention that HA!)

The night ended with a family dinner around the Newman’s table complete with the Berg’s, the Old Newman’s, and the Young Newman’s. What a blessing to have all of us together. The only thing that would have made it better is if my sister would have been there too. Love ya BUTT!

The kids had no idea about the tree and when arrived home they were SO excited to see this huge Christmas Tree in our living room. They could not believe how big it was. It looked enormous with my sweet angels standing next to it. Oh, what a sight! It brought tears to my eyes.

This is going to be an amazing Holiday Season. As my dear friend would say, “Fasten your seat belt…it’s going to be an amazing ride!” I am so glad each of you is taking it with me.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Thursday, November 11, 2004 6:29 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I hesitate to post tonight, as I don’t have anything positive to share. My PET Scan results came back and it indicates increased cancer tumor cell activity since PET #2. As you can imagine this is not the news that I wanted to hear. If I can try and find the silver lining in any of this it is that the PET also did not pick up any spreading of the cancer to any other part of my body. Given that it is in my lymph nodes this is always the biggest concern. Praise that God has isolated it under my arm.

So, what does this mean? First it means that it is a good thing that we are going in for surgery on Tuesday as I don’t want to continue to have this cancer growing in me and it appears that that current chemo regimen is no longer shrinking i.e., killing tumor cells. Given that we saw a reduction from PET #1 to PET #2 one could argue that it was responding to treatment but ultimately now it is not and as such if surgery hadn’t already been scheduled, we would schedule it now. Fortunately I am already set for 7am Tues.

Once the tumor has been sent out to pathology I believe that we will have a clearer picture of what we are dealing with. Dr. Stokoe needs to see if we have any dead cancer cells in the affected area. If I do, then that would confirm that at some point the cancer was in fact responding to chemo. He did not sound optimistic today that the current regimen would be continued after surgery. He indicated that it would be more likely that I will go right into radiation treatment and quite possibly be treated simultaneously with another type of chemo. This part annoys me to no end I hate to think of signing up for yet another type of chemo not knowing if it will help; and not knowing what kind of side affects it has.

That said, I am reminded that God has a plan for me & it will be revealed in his time…I have to admit that it’s times like this that it’d be nice to have that knowledge. But I don’t and it’s o.k. my faith is unwavering and it is what I cling to during these rough patches.

Dr. Stokoe was clear that our ultimate goal is still a cure and that he still believes we have a chance at this. What I am focusing on is that it has not spread, it has not spread, it has not spread!!! That is only by God’s Hand as clearly this cancer laughs at Chemo.

My mother in law said it best when I shared the news with her, “Well then we’ll go in and cut it out and radiate the Shit out of it so it’ll be gone forever!” I LOVE that she doesn’t mince words! HA! Thanks for making me smile Gail Newman…no one else could do it!

Love to you all,
Lynn

Wednesday, November 10, 2004 8:13 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

Lets all say a collective Ohhhh…. My PET Scan results were not in today when I met Dr. Hampe. BUMMER! He said he’d call me with the results. That said, Dave and I spent about an hour meeting with him to discuss my surgery. Here is a summary of what we know:

·Surgery is Tuesday at 7am; check in time 6am at Plano Presb Hosp.

·It will be a 2-3 hour surgery. He is planning on 2 hours, but would not be at all surprised if it lasts 3 hours.

·It will be an out patient surgery at Plano Presby Hospital (Parker out patient facility). If however after surgery he feels that I am in too much pain he will opt to admit me for one night at Plano Presby.

*A mastectomy is absolutely not necessary. In fact, he went as far as to say that it would not even benefit me at this point as all tests have indicated that the cancer is not in my breast. This is good news.

·He will be removing the scar tissue plus margins from the original lumpectomy to send into pathology. This is to confirm (what all tests indicate) that the cancer is in my lymph area NOT in the breast…it’s a sanity check.

·He will be removing “as many lymph nodes as necessary”. A nice way of saying we won’t know how many we need to remove until he gets in there. Once in surgery he will most likely send out a few lymph nodes to be tested while I am under to ensure that we “get it all” and that we have clear margins. If not, he’ll take more. We are looking at removing about a 3-4 inch oval area if that helps you get it into perspective.

·I will have a drain for appx 1-2 wks; most likely 10 days.

·I will not be able to drive for 10-14 days.

·I will continue with chemo 2-3 wks post surgery.

·I will begin radiation 2-3 wks post completion of chemo (January)

·The number of radiation treatments has not been determined yet.

Aside from the obvious concern of not “getting” all my cancer, the biggest risk of this surgery is lymphoma (spelling?) i.e., swelling of the arm due to the reduction of the lymphatic system. This is not a life threatening disease but it can be painful and certainly annoying to treat long term. Due to the number of lymph nodes that they have removed plus those that they will be removing this is a real area of concern for my future. He said that my over all physical fitness would play a big part in whether or not I get this. So, I guess that is the motivation I need to get back to the gym post OP! Which by the way he said I could do as soon as 2-3 wks post op NO MORE EXCUSES!! YIKES!

So, there you have it. In a nutshell. Sounds like a lot of fun huh? Actually, none of it was news. It was exactly what I expected to hear. Dave and I went to Sushi after the appt and enjoyed a glass or two of beer. YEP…I even indulged!

Thank you for all your continued prayers. They are much needed and very much appreciated.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, November 9, 2004 9:32 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 9pm Tuesday night and I AM TIRED!!! It was a very full day from start to finish. My PET Scan was this morning at 9am and it went as well as it possibly could have. The PET technician remembered me from last time and as a result was very sensitive to the pain I experienced in my arm during the 35 minutes that my arm has to be over my head for that part of the scan. I was so appreciative of his sincere concern it definitely was an answered prayer. He assured me that Dr. Hampe would have my test results no later than tomorrow at 4pm, which is when Dave and I will be meeting with him to discuss the PET results and surgery details.

I want to thank Melanie for an AMAZING meal she blessed our family with last night. I also want to plead for forgiveness that I didn’t get a chance to post last night to thank her in a more timely manner. Mel, everything you prepared was wonderful. But I have to say a special thank you for the fresh fruit…with my taste buds the way they get after chemo that is all that tastes normal. I appreciate you so much. Thank you.

I also wanted to thank the women in my bible study group today for lifting me up this afternoon. I rarely let down my guard regarding this cancer “thing”, but with surgery one week from today I have to admit that my nerves were getting to me. I appreciate you all so much ~ each of you is such a blessing.

I want to send out a special thank you to Holly for grabbing Jacob when I became too ill this afternoon to pick up the boys; and to JennyGwynn for bringing Taylor home from school. I had a friend tell me today that I am not very good at asking my friends for help. You are right. Lori, please know that I heard you today…and I am listening. Thank you for blessing me with your insight. Sometimes God places men and women in your lives to bring areas of concern to your attention. It is our job to listen when they speak ~ I am grateful today that I heard the message.

Love to you all,
Lynn

P.S. This evening David had tickets to take the kids to the Polar Express! It is a GREAT movie that if you have children (or even if you don’t

Sunday, November 7, 2004 10:00 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It is 9:30pm Sunday evening and once again God blessed us with an amazing day. Dave and I both woke up at 5:30am (for those that know us your jaws are probably dropping as we are late risers). Dave was out the door for a 5mile run by 6:30am and I was in the shower getting ready for church. Everyone was ready by 8:10am and we had 20 minutes to spare before we needed to load up for church. I took full advantage of this time to make some coffee, and unload the dishwasher. I can’t tell you how organized I felt as we drove to church (Holly you’d be so proud. HA!).

I am so grateful that I had the energy, and my aches and pains held off so that we could attend. As always Pete’s message was terrific. We had 8 men/women share their testimonies and each one touched my heart. It’s amazing how God can use one person to touch the hearts of so many and draw them close to him.

The Newman clan had a busy schedule this Sunday afternoon. Dave had all of 20 minutes when we got home to change clothes and meet his father for a 12pm tee time. (Like he would have missed that!) What an absolutely beautiful day the two of them had. It was in the mid 70’s today in Dallas, it couldn’t have been a more perfect golf outing. I am so grateful they had the opportunity to go.

Taylor and Jacob’s busy social calendar continued today as Taylor was invited to attend her sweet friend Sydney’s 7th birthday party. It was a Tennis birthday party complete with tennis instructors, games, table tennis and a sheet cake that could have fed 50. Jenny you are quite the party planner! The girls had a BLAST!!! What a great time.

Jacob had his last soccer game yesterday, and today all the kids got to attend a ceremony where they were presented with their trophies. My aches and pains had kicked in by this point, but Dave was able to take him. I am so glad they went because when he got home he RAN into my bedroom to show me his trophy. He was SO PROUD!!! I think in his heart he wanted to play this season just so he could get his trophy. He loves it. I hope he’ll want to play again next year as it is so much fun watching these little guys.

The next 8 days are going to be busy. Tuesday at 9am I go in for my 3rd and final PET Scan prior to surgery. Wednesday at 4pm I meet with my surgeon to discuss the PET. Based on the results of the PET that will determine exactly what type of surgery I am in for. Friday we have a birthday party for Taylor’s teacher Miss Williams (who we LOVE she is so dear). Then Tuesday of next week is my surgery. At this point I don’t know if it’ll be in-patient or out-patient ~ we’ll know that after we get the PET Scan test results back Wed.

So there you have it. To be honest as I type the schedule it is becoming far too real. Today one of the men that was giving his testimony said that it isn’t that those with faith have fewer problems in their life, it’s just that their faith allows them to get through it with peace as they know that ultimately it is in God’s hands. I find that to be so appropriate right now as I near my surgery ~ it is his plan and I am at peace knowing he is in charge.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, November 6, 2004 3:39 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry that I was unable to post yesterday, it was not due to any chemo side affects but rather due to an over booked day of activities. I was blessed with a wonderful chemo nurse yesterday that was able to find a great vein, and got me on the first stick! YEAH!

I had such fun as Holly, Jenny, Gail and I were visiting our dear friend Dana Eisenberg came trolling in with a grin from ear to year. OH, what a surprise! It was SO good to see you Dana I wish our visit could have been longer. Not too much later our sweet Melanie arrived with a bag full of goodies & a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses that were fit for a Queen. You are so dear my friend. Next time just bring yourself that is blessing enough.

I have not succumbed to the aches and pains of the chemo…yet! However I do have to confess that the steroids they have me on (I have to take them twice a day for 3 days each visit) are raging in my body today. As my dear husband informed Holly, Umm…she’s a little feisty today. Trust me he was being kind. Fortunately today is my last day taking them, but it’ll be 2-3 days before they are out of my system. Dave scheduled a 12pm tee time tomorrow ~ he’s already planning his escape! HA!

Today the kids had a very busy schedule as Jacob’s team the Stingrays had their last game of the season. They came out fierce scoring the first 2 goals, they led for 3 quarters, but fell victim the mighty Stars in the 4th quarter and ultimately lost 4 to 2. The good news is that our dear friends the Crandell’s and the Marino’s boys were the opposing team so at least our friends had a victory. A good time was had by all.

Taylor, Ashlynn, and JennyGwynn’s daughter Sydney were invited to Brianna’s 7th birthday party today. They had a great time, as it was a gymnastics birthday party complete with tumbling, games, cake and ice cream. Who wouldn’t enjoy that fun? Jenny was kind enough to take Ashlynn and Taylor to the party so I didn’t have to miss Jacob’s game. I later joined them and got a chance to catch up with Jenny, Anna and Betsy (Brianna’s mommy & our dear friend). What a blessing to visit with these ladies ~ they always lift my spirits and I needed that today.

We just arrived home and it is 3:30pm. I spoke to my Mom and Dad this morning. They will be rolling into town around 5:30 or 6pm trailer in tow as they are moving to TEXAS! Yeah. They will be staying with us until the 11th when their new place will be available (which is all of 1 mile from our house…YEAH!) We are all so excited.

It is a GLORIOUS day in Texas so I am sure that we’ll end up outside in the cul-de-sac soon enough so we can take advantage of this beautiful weather. I hope you all are having a blessed day!

Love to you all.
Lynn

Thursday, November 4, 2004 8:07 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

If you haven’t already, please go to my Guest Book and read the sweet note that Anna’s little boy Grant typed me. OH, how precious his words are. I am still smiling as I type this (he is 4 ½ by the way!). What a blessing…thank you Grant.

So, tomorrow is chemo…yuck! But oddly enough I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow marks my “I am 2/3 of the way done with chemo day” as I will have completed 4 full rounds with only 2 more to go (4 more visits) after surgery! YEAH!

I remember the day that Dr. Stokoe told me that I have to have 6 rounds of chemo, and that they’d be split into half doses so that meant 12 visits. It felt like it would never end. Tomorrow will be my 8th visit (for my re-occurrence). Eight…

I remember sitting in Holly’s back yard sippin’ a glass of wine last summer with Kathy and telling them how grateful I was that my cancer was gone because the 4 rounds of chemo I endured last year were that grueling. I remember saying that I didn’t think I could do it again. If my cancer came back I couldn't do chemo again. Yet here I am. Tomorrow will be the 12th time I walked through the doors of the chemo lab. I never thought I would say this but I am a stronger person for it.

Don’t you always hear stories of people who go through tough times that say they’d do it all over again because it made them who they were today? I did NOT feel that way last year. All I felt is, “Lord I am glad it’s over”. Looking back, I believe I viewed my cancer as something that I survived, not something that was life changing.

That said, a few weeks ago I had a friend of mine ask me if I had found the joy in my cancer? My response was an immediate, Umm…NO, not finding the joy! I am not there. No more than a few days passed and I came upon the following bible verse as I was preparing for my women’s bible study:

“Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of man kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” The author, James, doesn’t say if you face trials, but rather he says whenever you face them. He assumes that we will all have trials and that we can grow from them. I read that the point isn’t to pretend to be happy when we face pain, or adversity, but to have a positive outlook “consider it pure joy” because of what trials can produce in our lives. James indicates that we can turn hardships into times of learning.

Isn’t that so true? I have to say that I am finding the joy ~ and all of you have a hand in that. The responses I get from the dear friends I love so much, and those that are simply reading about my journey are so enriching to me. No, they are more than that, they are answered prayers as you all are speaking to my heart and helping me to find the joy, and the learning, in what could be a very fearsome trial in my life. Thank you for blessing me in this way.

I will close with a prayer request. Please pray that I get a competent, compassionate chemo nurse tomorrow. Pray that God continues to touch my heart and yours through this journey.

Love to each of you.
Lynn

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 6:09 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

It never ceases to amaze me how God continues to work on my heart, and in my life. I was blessed today by several women who by their words and acts of kindness lifted my spirits.

For those that don’t know me well, God has blessed me with a positive outlook. This is true regarding life in general, and I believe for the most part that it has carried over to how I deal with my cancer. I say that I am blessed because it is in fact a gift from God. I cannot imagine how I would handle the stress of this disease without my faith. That said, yesterday I had a rough emotional day. I think, as my dear friend Holly would say, I needed an emotional enema. I needed to purge some pent up feelings after feeling rotten for so many days…as a result I lost it in bible study yesterday. After speaking with Holly, Suzanne and Jenny I felt much better, but I still had a heavy heart. I prayed last night that God would take this burden from me and fill me with joy today. Low and behold he did just that.

I woke up feeling refreshed and after taking Taylor to school my dear friend Anna showed up on my door with a gift basket full of sweet cards, yummy treats and a terrific book. Her notes (yes plural…I love that about her) bought a smile to my face and more importantly to my heart. Anna is an amazing woman who exudes compassion and faith and I am blessed by her words of encouragement daily. There are those that God has blessed with the gift of encouragement and she is one of them. She couldn’t have known how much I needed to see her smiling face today, or how I needed to read her kind words, but God knew….and he sent Anna to brighten my day.

In addition to Anna’s visit, I had two lengthy conversations with women I had not had heart to hearts with in far too long. As we spoke, it came out that each of them had issues they were dealing with. I think God cleared my calendar today so that I could have those conversations. These women needed to be lifted up as much as I did and I hope that I was able to bring hope and joy to them just as Anna did to me this morning.

As I reflect on those conversations this evening I can’t help but think that it was Gods way of reminding me that we all have our crosses to bare. Mine just happens to be cancer. I have been told that people can see him working through me. Some have even been so bold as to say that I have inspired them. I personally don’t know if that is true, but if it is then it’s not me that is inspiring it is my faith and thus God that is so inspiring. To the people that have said that I’ve helped them regain or renew their faith, I am grateful I think that’s the point of my journey. My hope is that you will do what several women have told me I’ve inspired them to do ~ open your bible, begin to pray, ask for Gods help baring the crosses that we all carry. If you are like me the load can get heavy and it is too much to handle with out him.

I will close with some amazing news. My dear friend Melanie found out yesterday that she is cancer free! The biopsy confirmed that the lumps she had in her breast was scar tissue that was surrounding sutures remaining in her body from her mastectomy last year. HUGE praise.

Thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. They mean more than you know.

Love to all of you,
Lynn

Monday, November 1, 2004 9:45 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

What a difference a day can make. Well really what a difference 4 hours can make. It is 9:30pm and I actually feel human ~ finally! YEAH!!! Yesterday was horrible. To be honest this round has been much harder than the rest. I suppose part of it is the cumulative effect of the chemo catching up with me, but to be honest I think it’s that my body simply wasn’t tolerating the Xeloda dosage that we had taken me up to again this round.

After suffering for the past 3 days with side effects that simply were not going away (if anything they were worse) I called Dr. Stokoe, my oncologist, this morning to advise him of my symptoms. He immediately took me off Xeloda for today. We will talk in the morning to see if I am to go back on at a lower dose for the remaining 10 days. I had hoped to be able to tolerate the increased dosage until surgery, but it is not meant to be. I think my body knows what I can handle and the dose was simply too high. I thought that I’d be nervous taking it down to a lower dose again, but really I am at peace ~ I am putting it in Gods hands now as I have decided to listen to by body and quit trying to control the situation.

As many of you may have read I missed out on going to the Women’s Retreat that our church held last weekend due to my treatments. I want to send out a special thank you to all my sweet friends that prayed for me and laughed for me when I couldn’t be there. A special thank you to Liz and all my dear friends for giving me an autographed copy of the book written by the guest speaker of the retreat Ellie Lofaro. The book is called “Leap of Faith, Embracing the Life God Promised you”. I have only read the inside cover but I can tell already I will have a hard time putting it down until I’ve finished it. Thank you ladies ~ Liz your note said that I am so loved…what a blessing to love and to be loved. Thank you my dear friends.

I will close with a pray request. Please pray for my dear friend Melanie who will be going in for a biopsy tomorrow morning. Pray that God gives her peace through out the day. That he covers her in strength and love. That he will give the surgeon a steady hand, and that every person that Melanie encounters tomorrow will bless her with love and compassion. I pray that the procedure will go perfectly and that the doctors will be able to discern without any question exactly what the lumps are. Melanie know that I love you and that if you need anything I am a phone call away.

Love to all of you.
Lynn

p.s. I added a cute picture of Taylor and Jacob from last night's Halloween festivities. They did have fun! Thank you again Holly, Todd, and Kathy. I love you all!

Sunday, October 31, 2004 9:17 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Happy Halloween! By now most of you have probably made your annual tour around your neighborhood with your sweet children, or at least opened your door to some very cute trick or treaters. I wish I could say that I was able to rally for the occasion but I can not. I took a nap, I rested all day and still my body will not allow me to even ride with my sweet kids as they trick or treated through our neighborhood.

I have missed social events, even our church retreat due to my treatments, but this is really the first time that I’ve missed out on an big event due to my cancer ~ and it saddens me to no end. I hate this stupid disease. I hate that it makes me miss out on the chance to see my kids smile & laugh as they run door to door gathering their Halloween treats. Dave says I’ll have plenty of Halloween’s to look forward to, I hope that he’s right.

The kids did go trick or treating on our block and I was able to walk down to Linda’s house and hug her neck so all was not lost. They also were able to go with the Crandell’s and Kathy and her kid’s for the annual drive around the neighborhood so that they could stop by all their friends house that are not in walking distance. What a blessing to have such wonderful friends. I am so grateful. So from the kids point of view all was farely normal…I wish I held the same opinion.

That said, I do have much to be grateful for and I will try and focus on the positive instead of the negative. Today was just my hard day. It was my “Monday” after chemo but for the fact I had chemo on Thursday this time instead of Friday…tomorrow I’ll feel better. Pray that is the case.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, October 30, 2004 8:02 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What a lazy day we had. Dave and I slept in until 7am and then lounged watching movies in bed until 11am. We watched “Something’s Gotta Give” and “Maid in Manhattan”.

What were the kids doing you say? Well they were in and out of our bedroom, reading books in the living room under the dining room table etc. etc. At one point David wondered if they’d be reading books in our bedroom b/c they seemed to be “migrating” our direction even though their play room and bed rooms are on the other side of the house. What is up with that? HA! They are at such a great age; they still love to be around us, but are pretty self-sufficient. Love that about them.

I finally made it out of bed for a shower and made lunch for the kids around 11:30am. Then I was able to pick up a little and by 2:30pm I was pooped. So I put myself back to bed for a 2-hour rest/nap. It was just what I needed and then by 5pm we were at my Mother and Father in-love’s house for a wonderful dinner and some laughs around the dining room table.

I am sorry to say that I was not able to make the women’s retreat our church organized for this weekend due to my chemo treatment on Thursday. It was the right decision, but after speaking with Holly this morning I really wished that I could have been there. I can’t wait to hear all about it. I miss you ladies. Melanie, I hope your testimony went well this morning. I have no doubt that it did.

It is 8pm and we need to put the kids to bed. Please pray that I have the energy to go to church in the morning & that my aches and pains will subside. I am not overly optimistic that I’ll be able to make it as it will be my hard day post chemo…but we’ll see.

I am border line tollerating the Xeloda oral chemo meds at this point. I have some redness in my hands and feet and the swelling of my hands is starting tp come back. These are all symptoms that I may not be able to handle the increase in meds that we were hoping to maintain. Pray that I can stay on this dosage we are getting closer to surgery and I want to continue to shrink the tumor as much as possible.

I hope all is well with you and yours.
Love to you all.
Lynn

P.S. Christine LaPlante…I tried to e-mail you but it came back to me. Give Jules a call she has my e-mail address to fwd me your info. Thanks, I can’t wait to hear from you.

Friday, October 29, 2004 9:48 AM CDT

Jounal Entry from THURSDAY 10-28-04

Dearest Friends and Family,

Huge praises today! I met with Dr. Stokoe, my oncologist prior to chemo. After a VERY candid conversation he gave me his honest opinion regarding a port… he feels that I do NOT need one YEAH!! He brought in his nurse Stacey for a 2nd opinion on this issue; as she administered chemo for 12 years and knows first hand if a cancer patients will be able to hold for 5 add’l “sticks”. She agreed that my veins look great, and that there is absolutely no need for a port! Wahoo!!!

Second, based on our conversations Dr. Stokoe feels comfortable increasing my Xeloda Oral Chemo drugs back to 2 tablets twice daily. As you may recall I had been on this dosage but had to be taken down to 2 in the am and 1 in the pm as my body couldn’t tolerate it. My feet are not completely healed, but about 75-80% healed. Please pray that my body had handle the increase in dosage. I would really like to stay at this dosage to ensure that I am doing everything possible to shrink my tumor prior to surgery.

Speaking of surgery I have an update. I go in for the 2nd half of round #4 chemo next Friday (11/5), then on Tues (11/9) I will have my 3rd PET Scan, and I will be visiting with Dr. Hampe (my surgeon) on Mon 11/15 for my pre-op appt.

I go in for surgery on Tues (11/16) in the morning. At this point the surgery will be a repeat of last year with one exception, Dr. Hampe will be removing significantly more lymph nodes (last year he removed the centinal node + 6 add’l nodes).

The timing of all of this is amazing. With surgery scheduled for 11/16 I should be recovered in time for Thanks Giving and Taylor’s birthday (11/28) YEAH!. Then I go back in Dec and I hope to schedule Rd #5 for 12/10 & 12/17 leaving Christmas as my off week. Then setting up Chemo Rd#6 12/30 & 1/7. Of course all of this is my wish list but if I can have both Thanksgiving and Christmas as weeks I am feeling good that would be such a blessing! Say a prayer that this schedule is something that the Doc’s o.k.

Our day ended with an impromptu dinner with the Shearer’s, the Crandell’s and the Newman’s making a reservation for our kids in the play room at the country club and the adults (+ baby Jack and baby Catherine) celebrating our dear friend Kathy’s 32nd birthday in the Club Tavern. What a blessing to be able Kathy’s special day with all of them. What an amazing group of men and women. I love them all dearly and can’t imagine life without them.

It is 7:30pm and I need to go say prayers and tuck my kiddos in bed. So I will say good night. Thank you all so much for your kind word on my journal, they mean more than you’ll possibly know. Also, thank you for your prayers. They were answered. My nurse was terrific, she hit the vein perfectly I doubt I’ll even bruise. And you’ve already read the answered pray regarding my port. HUGE praise day. Thank you Lord.

Love to each and every one of you.
Lynn

Friday, October 29, 2004 7:03 AM CDT

Dearest Friends and Family,

Huge praises today! I met with Dr. Stokoe, my oncologist prior to chemo. After a VERY candid conversation he gave me his honest opinion regarding a port… he feels that I do NOT need one YEAH!! He brought in his nurse Stacey for a 2nd opinion on this issue; as she administered chemo for 12 years and knows first had if a cancer patients will be able to hold for 5 add’l “sticks”. She agreed that my veins look great and that there is absolutely no need for a port! Wahoo!!!

Second, based on our conversations Dr. Stokoe feels comfortable increasing my Xeloda Oral Chemo drugs back to 2 tablets twice daily. As you may recall I had been on this dosage but had to be taken down to 2 in the am and 1 in the pm as my body couldn’t tolerate it. My feet are not completely healed, but about 80%. Please pray that my body had handle the increase in dosage. I would really like to stay at this dosage to ensure that I am doing everything possible to shrink my tumor prior to surgery.

Speaking of surgery I have an update. I go in for the 2nd half of round #4 chemo next Friday (11/5), then on Tues (11/9) I will have my 3rd PET Scan, and I will be visiting with Dr. Hampe (my surgeon) on Thurs or Friday 11/11 or 11/12 for my pre-op appt.

I go in for surgery on Tues (11/16) in the morning. At this point the surgery will be a repeat of last year with one exception, Dr. Hampe will be removing significantly more lymph nodes (last year he removed the centinal node + 6 add’l nodes).

The timing of all of this is amazing. With surgery scheduled for 11/16 I should be recovered in time for Thanks Giving and Taylor’s birthday (11/28) YEAH!. Then I go back in Dec and I hope to schedule Rd #5 for 12/10 & 12/17 leaving Christmas as my off week. Then setting up Chemo Rd#6 12/30 & 1/7. Of course all of this is my wish list but if I can have both Thanksgiving and Christmas as weeks I am feeling good that would be such a blessing! Say a prayer that this schedule is something that the Doc’s o.k.

Our day ended yesterday with an impromptu dinner with the Shearer’s, the Crandell’s and the Newman’s making a reservation for our kids in the play room at the country club and the adults (+ baby Jack and baby Catherine) celebrating our dear friend Kathy’s 32nd birthday in the Club Tavern. What a blessing to be able Kathy’s special day with all of them. What an amazing group of men and women. I love them all dearly and can’t imagine life without them.

It is 7:30pm (Thurs Night) and I need to go say prayers and tuck my kiddos in bed. So I will say good night. Thank you all so much for your kind word on my journal, they mean more than you’ll possibly know. Also, thank you for your prayers. They were answered. My nurse was terrific, she hit the vein perfectly I doubt I’ll even bruise. And you’ve already read the answered pray regarding my port. HUGE praise day. Thank you Lord.

Love to each and every one of you.
Lynn

Thursday, October 28, 2004 7:40 PM CDT

Dearest Friends and Family,

Huge praises today! I met with Dr. Stokoe, my oncologist prior to chemo. After a VERY candid conversation he gave me his honest opinion regarding a port… he feels that I do NOT need one YEAH!! He brought in his nurse Stacey for a 2nd opinion on this issue; as she administered chemo for 12 years and knows first had if a cancer patients will be able to hold for 5 add’l “sticks”. She agreed that my veins look great and that there is absolutely no need for a port! Wahoo!!!

Second, based on our conversations Dr. Stokoe feels comfortable increasing my Xeloda Oral Chemo drugs back to 2 tablets twice daily. As you may recall I had been on this dosage but had to be taken down to 2 in the am and 1 in the pm as my body couldn’t tolerate it. My feet are not completely healed, but about 80%. Please pray that my body had handle the increase in dosage. I would really like to stay at this dosage to ensure that I am doing everything possible to shrink my tumor prior to surgery.

Speaking of surgery I have an update. I go in for the 2nd half of round #4 chemo next Friday (11/5), then on Tues (11/9) I will have my 3rd PET Scan, and I will be visiting with Dr. Hampe (my surgeon) on Thurs or Friday 11/11 or 11/12 for my pre-op appt.

I go in for surgery on Tues (11/16) in the morning. At this point the surgery will be a repeat of last year with one exception, Dr. Hampe will be removing significantly more lymph nodes (last year he removed the centinal node + 6 add’l nodes).

The timing of all of this is amazing. With surgery scheduled for 11/16 I should be recovered in time for Thanks Giving and Taylor’s birthday (11/28) YEAH!. Then I go back in Dec and I hope to schedule Rd #5 for 12/10 & 12/17 leaving Christmas as my off week. Then I plan to set up Chemo Rd#6 12/30 & 1/7 (so I'll ring in the new year with a glass of sparkling Cider instead of champaign...I am o.k. with that). Of course all of this is my wish list but if I can have both Thanksgiving and Christmas as weeks I am feeling good that would be such a blessing! Say a prayer that this schedule is something that the Doc’s o.k.

Our day ended with an impromptu dinner with the Shearer’s, the Crandell’s, and the Newman’s making a reservation for our kids in the play room at the country club and the adults (+ baby Jack and baby Catherine) celebrating our dear friend Cathy’s 32nd birthday in the Club Tavern. What a blessing to be able Cathy’s special day with all of them. What an amazing group of men and women. I love them all dearly and can’t imagine life without them.

It is 7:45pm and I need to go say prayers and tuck my kiddos in bed. So I will say good night. Thank you all so much for your kind word on my journal, they mean more than you possibly know. Also, thank you for your prayers. They were answered. My nurse was terrific, she hit the vein perfectly I doubt I’ll even bruise. And you’ve already read the answered prayer regarding a port. HUGE praise day. Thank you Lord.

Love to each and every one of you.
Lynn

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 11:34 PM CDT

****UPDATED POST AT 11:30PM*****

This is too cool not to share. As always I am having a hard time falling asleep as it is the night before chemo. So I turn to the back of my bible that gives the daily devotional bible verse and it is Acts 12: 1-25. Here is a synopsis the application of vs. 13-15…

The prayers of the group of believers were being answered even as they prayed (this is talking about the fact the group was praying for Peters release from prison; he was being persecuted for his beliefs). BUT when the answers arrived at the door they don’t believe it.

O.K. Here is the cool part...We should be people of faith who believe that God answers the prayers who seek his will. When you pray, believe you’ll get an answer, and when it comes, don’t be surprised (or in my case freaked out) BE THANKFUL!

No wonder I couldn’t sleep… O.k. Lord I get it…thank you, I needed to hear that lesson. I hope you get it too.

How cool is that! I’m still grinnin’
Love you guys,
Lynn

p.s. If you havn't read my orig post this will make sense after you read prayer request #2 below ;)

*****Original POST*************************************

Dear friends and family,

O.k. my chemo brain is in full affect today…I just realized that my chemo appt is tomorrow morning! For the past 6 visits it’s been on Friday. Today something told me to check my calendar and when I did I discovered that I have chemo in the morning! Looking back I remember that my oncologist is out of town Friday so they had to schedule it for tomorrow, but I had it in my mind that all my appts were on Fridays so now I need to gear up for chemo in the morning. UGH!

That said, I need your prayers my friends. Please pray that I get a KIND, compassionate, competent chemo nurse tomorrow. Pray that she can find a good vein, and that all my veins will be able to handle the IV Taxotere that they will be administering tomorrow around 11am. Also, please pray that my body can tolerate the Xeloda oral chemo meds that I’ll be starting again tomorrow for 14 days as the side affects last time caused a reduction in dosage. I need all the chemo my body can tolerate to fight off this disease. I can’t afford another reduction in dosage.

I have two additional prayer requests: One, please pray that I get clarity from my oncologist regarding the necessity (or not) of a port. You all know my position about a port (I don’t want one) but the last 2 visits my veins have blown and if I need to get one I’d rather know that now than have to get it during the last chemo visit (FYI: I have completed 6 of 12 chemo visits; tomorrow will be visit #7).

TWO: Please pray that my hair stays in my head. Today I had 5 women comment on the fact that I still have hair. While this is a blessing, and quite frankly an answered prayer, it is freaking me out a bit that so many women, on separate occasions mentioned this to me today. So please continue to pray for this issue as it was the hardest physical side affect that I dealt with last year. Somehow when you look at yourself w/o hair you feel more like a cancer patient. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I can still look in the mirror and but for the chubbiness of my cheeks and the expansion of my rear end (HA!) I still look like myself. My prayer is that God will allow me to finish all my treatments with dignity and to me, silly as it may sound that includes keeping the hair on my head.

So there you have it ~ chemo brain, prayer requests and all.

I hope you all had a blessed day.
Love to each of you.
Lynn

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 6:56 PM CDT

Dear friends and family,

O.k. my chemo brain is in full affect today…I just realized that my chemo appt is tomorrow morning! For the past 6 visits it’s been on Friday. Today something told me to check my calendar and when I did I discovered that I have chemo in the morning! Looking back I remember that my oncologist is out of town Friday so they had to schedule it for tomorrow, but I had it in my mind that all my appts were on Fridays so now I need to gear up for chemo in the morning. UGH!

That said, I need your prayers my friends. Please pray that I get a KIND, compassionate, competent chemo nurse tomorrow. Pray that she can find a good vein, and that all my veins will be able to handle the IV Taxotere that they will be administering tomorrow around 11am. Also, please pray that my body can tolerate the Xeloda oral chemo meds that I’ll be starting again tomorrow for 14 days as the side affects last time caused a reduction in dosage. I need all the chemo my body can tolerate to fight off this disease. I can’t afford another reduction in dosage.

I have two additional prayer requests: One, please pray that I get clarity from my oncologist regarding the necessity (or not) of a port. You all know my position about a port (I don’t want one) but the last 2 visits my veins have blown and if I need to get one I’d rather know that now than have to get it during the last chemo visit. (FYI: I have completed 6 of 12 chemo visits; tomorrow will be visit #7.) TWO: Please pray that my hair stays in my head. Today I had 5 women comment on the fact that I still have hair. While this is a blessing, and quite frankly an answered prayer, it is freaking me out a bit that so many women, on separate occasions mentioned this to me today. So please continue to pray for this issue as it was the hardest physical side affect that I dealt with last year. Somehow when you look at yourself w/o hair you feel more like a cancer patient. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I can still look in the mirror and but for the chubbiness of my cheeks and the expansion of my rear end (HA!) I still look like myself. My prayer is that God will allow me to finish all my treatments with dignity; and to me, silly as it may sound that includes keeping the hair on my head.

So there you have it ~ chemo brain, prayer requests and all.

I hope you all had a blessed day.
Love to each of you.
Lynn

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 7:07 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord provides for my every need. Yesterday I was so glum as the news regarding my two dear friends pulled me from the high of our vacation and left me in such despair. To be honest I am still struggling with this news. However, in the midst of my sadness David came home last night from work and said, “Oh I forgot to tell you something. Susan’s (his assistant) daughter and her colleges walked the race for the cure on your behalf last week end”. HELLO!!! Kind of a key piece of information sweet heart…then it occurred to me, the prayer that I expressed in my message last night was confirmed by this generous act. I am indirectly helping to raise awareness about breast cancer and helping to raise funds toward finding a cure for this disease. These women who don’t even know me raised money and walked this race in my honor. Thank you! Sincerely, thank you!

Next, Dave brought in the mail and I had received a package from a dear friend of mine Julie from Colorado. I opened it and inside was a beautiful pink sweater (which I am wearing…LOVE IT!) and a bottle of perfume with a note that said, "I hope this brightens you day.” WOW! How’d that arrive on the exact day that I needed a pick me up? Thanks Jules! You are so dear.

As if that weren’t enough, I have this website ~ this is my outlet for keeping in touch with all of you. It truly has been such a blessing. Scripture tells us, “Each one touch one”. In the past couple of days I received two e-mails from women that found their way to my web site. Each of them wrote to me saying that somehow my words have touched them and inspired them to look inward at their relationship with Christ. Amazing how God uses us isn’t it? Could it be that this is possibly why cancer has touched my life twice? I am not sure, but if that is his plan then so be it. That special note from these two women will be reason enough.

Today ended with some silly, special time between my husband and the kids. He was chasing the kids through the house, literally. It continues as I type to you now. It is hysterical. It’s little things like this that bring a smile to my face. As frustrating as life can be at times I often need to remind myself that it is the times like right now that I need to hold tight to. That I remind myself to enjoy these little episodes of silliness and put in perspective the times I become annoyed with my children’s behavior and remember that they are in-fact still children. Why then am I trying so hard to make them act like little adults? A little perspective Mrs. Newman…a little perspective. Thank you Lord I needed that lesson today.

Oh…I hear the music from It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown Halloween Special…I need to go…this is a special memory that I need to go make with my children.

Love to all of you.
Lynn

p.s. forgive the type O’s etc I don’t have time to proof-read tonight.

Monday, October 25, 2004 4:57 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I hesitate to post today, as my journal entry from last night describing all the wonders we experienced on our trip was so grand I almost left it up for a couple days just so that I could re-read myself. It truly was an amazing escape. But alas our excursion is over and I am left to the reality of our daily life.

The other reason I almost didn’t post is that I have nothing positive to say today. My heart is so heavy as I just got the news that our dear friend Gregg Evans from Colorado has cancer. He underwent surgery within the past couple of weeks and at this point his family is faced with the decision of whether he should elect to do chemotherapy. Please pray that God would give them clarity on this issue. I know first hand how hard this decision is, and the burden of making it can be overwhelming.

As if that we not enough I had another friend call me and ask for my breast surgeon’s number as there is concern that her cancer may be back.

Why is it that cancer is all around me right now? I HATE this disease! It saddens me to no end that there are people in my life, amazing people, that are being diagnosed and face the same challenges that I face. I wish that I had the answers as to why this disease seems to be so pervasive ~ I wish a cure existed! I hope that I can continue to be a part of finding one.

Until that day I will pray, as it clearly is out of my hands.

I will pray that each person that has cancer will come to know the peace I have through our Lord. Better yet, I will pray that each of you that are reading this will come to know him as I have. That if you are reading this you are doing so because you not only want to check on me, but you genuinely want to see how God is working through me. I am not sure what he is calling me to do. It might be just this…talking to each of you about him. I am sure of one thing, his plan will be revealed to me in his time.

I have nothing else to say. So I’ll leave you with this.

Psalm 62:8 Trust in Him at all times, O’ people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

He is indeed!
Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, October 25, 2004 7:47 AM CDT

Well Hello Friends and Family,

Did you miss me? I missed y’all! Really I did. I couldn’t wait to get home and see what had happened in the 3 ½ days that we drove all over Texas. All I’ve gotta say is MY Goodness TEXAS is a big state! My kids could not believe that we spent a total of 20 hours in the car driving and we never left the state of TEXAS.

We had SO much fun. It was a much-needed break from the reality of my cancer and we will hold tight to these memories as we go through the next 4 months of surgery and treatments.

So here are our highlights….Thursday started out early (well early for the Newman’s) as we hit the road at 9am and headed south to San Antonio (a 5 hour drive from Dallas). We made terrific time and before we knew it we arrived at the Hyatt Hill Country San Antonio. God indeed blessed us with a hot (and humid I might add) day so we got to take full advantage of the pool and floated around the winding river a couple of times before the kids decided it was warmer in the hot tub and opted for that venue.

Normally after a day of driving and swimming I would have opted for room service but David wouldn’t hear of it. The kids had never been to San Antonio and he wanted to take them down to the river walk. GREAT call! We ate at the Cheesiest restaurant we could find….The Hard Rock Café on the River Walk and then took the boat ride/tour. It was so much fun! Jacob’s comment was, “WOW Mommy this man really knows a lot about this river doesn’t he?” Indeed he did. Dave and I had never taken the riverboat ride and I am glad that we waited until we had the kids with us as it made it that much more fun.

Friday morning the kids were up and dressed for Sea World by 8am…never mind the fact that Sea World didn’t open until 10am. Dave and I took our time getting ready and by 9:45 we were in the parking lot waiting for the gates to open. We were able to go on the “Backstage Tour” of Sea World. The kids got to feed and touch the stingrays, touch a baby shark, and watch the dolphins jump and dive right before their eyes. It was terrific. Of course my favorite part was the Shamu show! I think I cheered louder than the kids did. It was so COOL! I never tire of that show.

Sea World San Antonio seemed more like Six Flags to me as they have SO MANY rides. I don’t remember the San Diego Sea World having them…but I am grateful that San Antonio did because it ended up being the highlight of the visit. Just ask my kids. We were blessed with a PERFECT day for this outing as it was Sunny, warm, and not at all busy. In fact, we went down the Log Ride twice as there wasn’t a line at all. After the log ride Dave convinced Taylor that they needed to ride the roller coaster The Steele Eel! She was barely tall enough to ride and her comment upon coming off the ride was, “Mommy it was so fast that my bottom lifted off the seat!” Dave said her facial expression was complete and utter horror!!! But ask her what was her favorite part of Sea World… THE STEELE Eel. WOW, WOW, WOW!! What a day.

We left Sea World around 3pm and started driving south to Rockport (which is just South of Corpus Christie). Again we made great time, we got there just in time for dinner. I am typically the person that will choose a Chili’s, Friday’s etc. You know, a restaurant where I know what is on the menu. Not in Rockport. This is a charming TINY coastal town. We ended up eating at a local Texan Diner that had down home country cookin’ with a waitress that genuinely enjoyed visiting with us and meeting our every need. To give you a visual of the place it was a converted house that when you enter the front you see that infact you are in what used to be the garage as the 3 glass garage doors are still intact. The “hostess” is a sweet Texan girl that greets us cigarette in hand (later Jacob and Taylor explained to us that she should quit smoking because it was bad for her lungs etc…YEP we’ve trained them well). We immediately ask for non-smoking and she led us to a door that brought us into what was the porch of the house. There were 4 YES that is correct 4 tables in the non-smoking section (15 or so in smoking). It was a different world, and what fun we had. Our waitress was a very sweet young lady that blessed us with her charm, and service that would rival any 5 star restaurant. She said at one point, “I am happy to get you what ever you need….I really don’t like to sit down”. AND they served PEPSI to boot! Suffice it to say that she got a VERY BIG tip from Mr. Newman that night!

We were blessed to stay in the Cobb’s home in Rockport. Have you ever seen a movie when the main characters are offered a friends “cabin” for the week end and upon arrival find out that it is…hmm… “rustic”? Well, we had no idea what to expect and a part of me thought that might be what we were in for. Let me assure you that this beautiful home is nothing short of amazing! It sits on the bay in Rockport and the WING, yes wing, we stayed in was a newly built 2 bed room, 2 bath, full kitchen and family room suite. We swung open the double doors, plopped down our bags and immediately felt so incredibly blessed to have been given this gift. Mr. and Mrs. Cobb thank you so much for allowing us to stay at your home. What a blessing to be able to enjoy the sites and come home to such a wonderful oasis. The Hyatt paled in comparison.

Dave took the kids kayaking in the bay Saturday, and later we drove down the coast to North Padre Island. On the way back into town Dave pointed out the U.S.S. Lexington Air Craft carrier. It had several planes on it and Jacob (our future pilot) asked, “Why can’t we go see that?” Good question…why indeed? So Dave hung a quick right and we spent the next half hour or so admiring these old planes etc. In Dave’s words, “Sometimes you just gotta get out and drive and see the what there is to see”.

We took those words literally today and we re-mapped our route after finding out that our friends in Austin had a sick little girl. With my immune system being so depressed we opted not to chance getting those germs. As such we ended up taking the scenic route home and I am so glad we did. TX-77 was a small winding Hwy that took us through many a rustic Texas town. The kids were entertained via DVD…Dave and I were entertained via the sites of these small towns. We never knew Texas had a hill country until this trip. It was fantastic.

So that is our weekend. It was fun filled family time with only one minor blip ~ we almost ran out of Gas!!!! Opps, that’s what we get for focusing so much on the countryside and not as much on our gas tank. All our prayers were answered this weekend. We had great weather, great kids, and literally 1 mile to spare before we ran out of gas. Wahoo! What a weekend.

Thank you SO much for all your sweet notes. I loved hearing from all of you. I want to send out a special hello to several of my high school friends that posted. Ladies, I am sorry that it took me getting sick for us to connect, but I have to say that it touched me that when each of you heard from Vicky what was going on I came home to a note from each of you! I can’t wait to catch up soon.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Sunday, October 24, 2004 6:54 PM CDT

Well Hello Friends and Family,

Did you miss me? I missed y’all! Really I did. I couldn’t wait to get home and see what had happened in the 3 ½ days that we drove all over Texas. All I’ve gotta say is MY Goodness TEXAS is a big state! My kids could not believe that we spent a total of 20 hours in the car driving and we never left the state of TEXAS.

We had SO much fun. It was a much-needed break from the reality of my cancer and we will hold tight to these memories as we go through the next 4 months of surgery and treatments.

So here are our highlights….Thursday started out early (well early for the Newman’s) as we hit the road at 9am and headed south to San Antonio (a 5 hour drive from Dallas). We made terrific time and before we knew it we arrived at the Hyatt Hill Country San Antonio. God indeed blessed us with a hot (and humid I might add) day so we got to take full advantage of the pool and floated around the winding river a couple of times before the kids decided it was warmer in the hot tub and opted for that venue.

Normally after a day of driving and swimming I would have opted for room service but David wouldn’t hear of it. The kids had never been to San Antonio and he wanted to take them down to the river walk. GREAT call! We ate at the Cheesiest restaurant we could find….The Hard Rock Café on the River Walk and then took the boat ride/tour. It was so much fun! Jacob’s comment was, “WOW Mommy this man really knows a lot about this river doesn’t he?” Indeed he did. Dave and I had never taken the riverboat ride and I am glad that we waited until we had the kids with us as it made it that much more fun.

Friday morning the kids were up and dressed for Sea World by 8am…never mind the fact that Sea World didn’t open until 10am. Dave and I took our time getting ready and by 9:45 we were in the parking lot waiting for the gates to open. We were able to go on the “Backstage Tour” of Sea World. The kids got to feed and touch the stingrays, touch a baby shark, and watch the dolphins jump and dive right before their eyes. It was terrific. Of course my favorite part was the Shamu show! I think I cheered louder than the kids did. It was so COOL! I never tire of that show.

Sea World San Antonio seemed more like Six Flags to me as they have SO MANY rides. I don’t remember the San Diego Sea World having them…but I am grateful that San Antonio did because it ended up being the highlight of the visit. Just ask my kids. We were blessed with a PERFECT day for this outing as it was Sunny, warm, and not at all busy. In fact, we went down the Log Ride twice as there wasn’t a line at all. After the log ride Dave convinced Taylor that they needed to ride the roller coaster The Steele Eel! She was barely tall enough to ride and her comment upon coming off the ride was, “Mommy it was so fast that my bottom lifted off the seat!” Dave said her facial expression was complete and utter horror!!! But ask her what was her favorite part of Sea World… THE STEELE Eel. WOW, WOW, WOW!! What a day.

We left Sea World around 3pm and started driving south to Rockport (which is just South of Corpus Christie). Again we made great time, we got there just in time for dinner. I am typically the person that will choose a Chili’s, Friday’s etc. You know, a restaurant where I know what is on the menu. Not in Rockport. This is a charming TINY coastal town. We ended up eating at a local Texan Diner that had down home country cookin’ with a waitress that genuinely enjoyed visiting with us and meeting our every need. To give you a visual of the place it was a converted house. You enter what used to be the garage, and the 3 glass garage doors are still intact. The “hostess” was a sweet Texan girl that greeted us cigarette in hand (later Jacob and Taylor explained to us that she should quit smoking because it was bad for her lungs etc…YEP we’ve trained them well). We immediately ask for non-smoking and she led us to a door that brought us into what was the porch of the house. There were 4 YES that is correct 4 tables in the non-smoking section (15 or so in smoking). It was a different world, and what fun we had. Our waitress was a very sweet young lady that blessed us with her charm, and service that would rival any 5 star restaurant. She said at one point, “I am happy to get you what ever you need….I really don’t like to sit down”. AND they served PEPSI to boot! Suffice it to say that she got a VERY BIG tip from Mr. Newman that night!

We were blessed to stay in the Cobb’s home in Rockport. Have you ever seen a movie when the main characters are offered a friends “cabin” for the week end and upon arrival find out that it is…hmm… “rustic”? Well, we had no idea what to expect and a part of me thought that might be what we were in for. Let me assure you that this beautiful home is nothing short of amazing! It sits on the bay in Rockport and the WING, yes wing, we stayed in was a newly built 2 bed room, 2 bath, full kitchen and family room suite. We swung open the double doors, plopped down our bags and immediately felt so incredibly blessed to have been given this gift. Mr. and Mrs. Cobb thank you so much for allowing us to stay at your home. What a blessing to be able to enjoy the sites and come home to such a wonderful home. The Hyatt paled in comparison.

Dave took the kids kayaking in the bay Saturday, and later we drove down the coast to North Padre Island. On the way back into town Dave pointed out the U.S.S. Lexington Air Craft carrier. It had several planes on it and Jacob (our future pilot) asked, “Why can’t we go see that?” Good question…why indeed? So Dave hung a quick right and we spent the next half hour or so admiring these old planes etc. In Dave’s words, “Sometimes you just gotta get out and drive and see the what there is to see”.

We took those words literally today and we re-mapped our route after finding out that our friends in Austin had a sick little girl. With my immune system being so depressed we opted not to chance getting those germs. As such we ended up taking the scenic route home and I am so glad we did. TX-77 was a small winding Hwy that took us through many a rustic Texas town. The kids were entertained via DVD…Dave and I were entertained via the sites of these small towns. We never knew Texas had a hill country until this trip. It was fantastic.

So that is our weekend. It was fun filled family time with only one minor blip ~ we almost ran out of Gas!!!! Opps, that’s what we get for focusing so much on the countryside and not as much on our gas tank. All our prayers were answered this weekend. We had great weather, great kids, and literally 1 mile to spare before we ran out of gas. Wahoo! What a weekend.

Thank you SO much for all your sweet notes. I loved hearing from all of you. I want to send out a special hello to several of my high school friends that posted. Ladies, I am sorry that it took me getting sick for us to connect, but I have to say that it touched me that when each of you heard from Vicky what was going on I came home to a note from each of you! I can’t wait to catch up soon.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, October 23, 2004 10:01 PM CDT

Hi Everyone,

Are you missing Lynn and her posts? I am!!! I am also missing her sweet family on our cul-de-sac this weekend. As promised, I told Lynn I would post for her while she, Dave and the kiddos are taking a very needed and wonderful trip to San Antonio, Corpus, and Austin. I’m thinking I probably should have posted before now but then…it’s me…the crazy lady with four kids…so…don’t expect too much! HA!! Hopefull, she’ll be back on line soon filling us in on all the wonderful details of her trip.

Tonight was the Light The Night Walk to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society…we missed you Newmans!!! The walk was awesome, and the 12S Angels went WAY overboard on exceeding all goals. YEA!!! Dana Eisenberg and Jenny Scott are two of the most amazing, strong, caring, articulate women who went full force in gathering one of the largest teams and a ton of money. NOW…those monies will be used to help find a cure for these horrible diseases. IF you want to read more about these two families and their journeys just log on to www.caringbridge.org/tx/sameisenberg and www.scotthousehold.com.

Funny thing, I was just getting ready to step out on the walk and this lady was talking to her daughter about not getting lost…if she did…she might have to trade for another daughter. I heard this of course (thinking also of how Todd and I were going to keep up with our brew during the walk) and chuckled….this sweet lady looked over and said…your Holly aren’t you? WHAT? How do you know? “Oh…your famous...I know you through Dana’s website and now Lynn’s site!” WOW. “Really?” I asked. “Yes”, she said…”it’s called the trickle down effect”. I like that term….if you are reading this website you have already learned so much about Lynn and the people that have surrounded her and her family during her battle with breast cancer. Just think…you are part of the trickle down effect so pass it along, sign the guestbook and encourage everyone you can. By the way Cindy W….it was a PLEASURE meeting you on the walk tonight…’trickle on’ new friend.

By the way, if you read this please log on and sign Lynn’s guestbook. I would be horrified if she came back to read NO new guestbook entries. WOOPS…that would be my bad and she would definitely be wondering what was going on…so get to typing folks! (PLEASE)

Well, I guess that is about the news for now…I am going to log off, post this then try to catch the Walk The Night Highlights from the news.

God is so Good and is blessing us all. Thank you for loving my sweet friend Lynn and for continuing to pray for, and encourage her. Each word, thought, post, good deed, etc. is well appreciated and helps more than we can say!

Blessings to each of you. Goodnight.

Love,
Holly

Wednesday, October 20, 2004 10:48 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What is up with me doing my posts at 10:00pm? My goodness y’all would think I was a night person and in fact I am not. I am tired but my goodness the days just seem to fill up. But it’s all good….

Today I had an opportunity to have lunch with my sweet friend Suzanne, her daughter Ryan and sweet friend Elle. Suzanne and I had so much fun watching these sweet 3 year old girls chase squirrels and make us “cakes” at the park (mine was marble…thank you Elle). Not to mention scaring off “swiper”! Oh, that’s a sneaky fox! What a blessing to be able to sit and enjoy the day.

After picking Jacob from school I received a surprise call from a dear friend of mine that I have not spoken to in months. Jean, it was SO good to hear your voice this afternoon. I am still smiling from our conversation. Kiss your sweet baby for Dave and I.

During my conversation with Jean she commented on what an amazing group of friends we have here in Dallas. She is SO right. God has blessed us greatly. Dave and I are so aware of this blessing and give praise for it daily.

That said, here is my funny story…As if to prove my point, during my talk with Jean I receive a call through from my neighbor Susan. She called to tell me that she’d prepared dinner for Dave and I. She just wanted to call to see if we were home to accept it. Mind you, this was not planned…she just did it. What was incredible is that I didn’t have dinner prepared (I know you all are SHOCKED right?). Here’s why ~ the kids and I were running out the door for a birthday party for Jacob’s friend Dillon and we had mini-church this evening etc. etc. But for Susan’s helping hands Dave and I were eating cereal for dinner. THANK YOU Susan…you are so dear.

Jean’s response was priceless, “Oh my gosh, you live in leave it to beaver land”. I have said that so many times myself ~ what a blessing to live on Shadow Ridge Ct.

The night ended with a FABULOUS time of sharing and fellowship at Mini-Church! FABULOUS! My heart needed it so much…truly prayers were answered. Thank you to each of you that were able to attend this evening…WOW! Good Stuff.

It is now 10:45pm and I STILL haven’t packed for San Antonio…..and we leave in the morning! The funny thing is that I am o.k. with it. I plan to through 3 outfits in a bag, grab my swim suit and GO! Yes you read correctly, my swim suit. For those that don’t live in TX believe it or not, the weather report is saying close to 90degrees this week end & I hear the pool at the Hyatt Hill Country is heated! See God is preparing an amazing week end for us and I CAN’T WAIT!!!

That said, the only regret I have for this week end it that it will not allow me to attend the Light the Night Leukemia Walk with my friends the Eisenberg’s. Dana, if you are reading this I am praying that the walk goes perfectly Saturday! My heart aches that I will not be by your side, but Holly and family will be there, and I will be there in spirit my friend. Kiss Sammy for me…Saturday is all about making a difference and you my friend…you’ve made an incredible difference. You inspire me!

I will close with one prayer request. Please pray for a speedy recovery for Holly’s father John. He had surgery today to remove a cancer that found it’s way to his lung. The surgery went exactly as it should, however please pray that he will recover fully from this surgery and that his body is now cancer free. LOVE you McKay’s!

I will say good night now. I plan to let Holly post while my family and I take a much-needed vacation. I can’t wait to hear from you over the week end and fill you in on Monday about our adventures. Pray that we have safe travels.

Love to each and every one of you.
Lynn

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 10:49 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 10:30pm and I am exhausted; but I couldn’t rest until I posted tonight. I had a great day physically ~ for the most part I had energy, and my back pains are pretty manageable. The kids are getting excited about our trip to San Antonio; I on the other hand am not so excited about all the laundry I need to get done before we leave Thursday morning. But hey, if it doesn’t get done then it’ll be here when I get back Sunday.

That said, the reason I felt the need to post this evening is that I wanted to share with all of you that a new friend Misa Domke, a woman in my church and part of my Hebrew’s bible study, came to me with an idea to raise money for breast cancer research and it is my honor to pass that information along to you.

Misa is hosting a “Stamp Out Breast Cancer” party in my honor on Saturday, December 11, 2004 at our Church (Bent Tree Bible Fellowship) from 10am-1pm. The cost to attend is only $20.00 and $15.00 will go to The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation; $5.00 simply covers her cost to give you of a Card, gift bag and tag. You can come stamp your own card, and use the Stampin’ UP “Hope Is” stamp at this function.

100% of all profits from this event will go to The Susan G. Komen foundation. She is doing this as her way to help find a cure for this pervasive disease.

For those that can’t attend, live out of town, or simply want to own their own “Hope Is” Stampin’ Up stamp Misa can order it for you they are only $17.95. For everyone stamp set sold an additional $2.00 will be donated from Stampin’ Up Corp. to the Huntsman Cancer Institution.

If you are interested in either coming to Misa’s party, or simply having her order a stamp for you please give her a call at 214-403-2482. You can also go online to view the stamp at www.stampinup.com.

Misa thank you for allowing me the opportunity to pass this information along to those that read my website. It may interest one person, or one hundred ~ it matters not, what does is your willingness and desire to help find a cure for this disease. You are so dear.

I hope all of you are having a blessed day.
Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, October 18, 2004 3:39 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

To no ones surprise my body gave way to the aches and pains of chemo yesterday afternoon. I was able to make it to church, and a brief run through the Holiday Bizarre at the Club (couldn’t miss out on seeing all the local Holiday Crafts could I?) but by 12:30pm I was pretty much done for the day.

Dave and the kids let me sleep for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon, and then about 3pm Dave and Todd were off to enjoy 9 holes of golf. That gave Holly and I an opportunity to enjoy each other’s (and the kids) company in the cul-de-sac. I will say that it was from a seated folding chair that we cheered them on. Needless to say there was no party in the cul-de-sac yesterday it was simply 2 moms allowing our children to run out some of their energy. Truth be told I think both Holly and I wished that we both wish we had their energy yesterday. What a blessing to have such wonderful neighbors that can join each other outside at the drop of a hat. We are so fortunate. Now if we can only get the Shearer’s to stay in TX our little cul-de-sac would remain complete (Love ya Kathy!!!)

Today Dave was up before the crack of dawn to catch a 7am flight to Florida for a PepsiCo meeting; he’ll be gone until Wednesday night. I am so appreciative of his schedule lately. He typically travels several nights a week and it never used to bother me. He has been able to minimize his travel over the past month and I’ve gotten spoiled. I suppose now I’ve got to get used to reality again. I miss you already honey! I am glad you landed safely and I’ll talk to you later tonight.

As for my achy body today… I am holding my own. I have a funny story that I’ll share with you and I’ll preface it for those who may not know me as well. I am the type of person who will take a shower before the gym. Who will be fully dressed before I take my kids to school. I have always been that way, even when I was in corporate sales and I worked out of my house I’d always get up take a shower and put on a cute outfit; it is just how I start my day.

NOT TODAY!!! Not with Dave gone on a Monday Chemo morning. I felt a bit tired at 6:30am when I called Taylor down to get ready for school. I knew better than to push myself. So, I got her ready, SHE made her own lunch (love that about her!!!) and Jacob got himself dressed. At 7:30am we were ready to go. Did I mention that I was still in my P.J.’s, my pretty pink bathrobe, NO make-up, and my hair NOT even brushed! HA! I was a site. I threw on my Susan Komen Tennis shoes that my sister gave me (the mule kind) and we were off! The kids laughed so hard. They could NOT believe that I was going out of the house looking like this. I think God has a sense of humor b/c typically carpool drop off is all of 2 seconds, we pull up kiss Taylor good-bye and she runs in the doors at school. NOT today. Today the person in the car in front of me proceeded to have a 5-minute conversation with the carpool greeter (most likely laughing about how the silly lady behind them looked) I think my face became redder by the moment. Just my luck! HA!

Taylor just got home from school and we are off to go out side so she can ride her bike and I can sit and enjoy this glorious day. Jacob is at his buddy Dillon’s house no doubt having the time of his life with Ms. Tiffany.

Love to each of you.
Lynn

p.s. Vicky ~ I got your sweet e-mail and voice mail. It was so good to hear your voice ~ call me this evening so we can catch up. Love to you, Mike and the kids.

Saturday, October 16, 2004 4:57 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

My goodness the power of prayer is mighty! We not only met our fundraising goal but we are now 109% of it as the last time I checked we had raised $5,425! That is so amazing. From the depth of my heart I thank each and everyone who donated on my behalf. And, as I understand it we have two families, Ms. Jan Richey, and my parent’s friends Diane and Gordy Swanson that tried to donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation and instead by God’s hand and their mistake donated in my name to the Caringbridge website. This too is such a blessing because this website is free to cancer patients like myself but exists solely on the donations of families like the Richey’s and the Swanson’s. So thank you to both families for their help in keeping my website up and running. Love to both of you!

Once again we’ve enjoyed a beautiful day in Dallas, TX. It is simply gorgeous! We enjoyed a brisk soccer game this morning where our mighty Stingray’s experienced their first taste of defeat. They lost 1 to 4, but played their hearts out! We were so proud of these boys!

Later we got our time in the cul-de-sac with the Crandell crew and just as we were heading in the Shearer’s came out and much to Taylor disappointment I had to call it an afternoon as I was getting tuckered out. But for the most part, aside from a little fatigue I feel pretty good today. I am sure, as past history as dictated, the side affects from Friday’s chemo will hit me Sunday afternoon and then in full force Monday. Say a prayer that the ill effects will be minimized and the duration short.

David and Jacob are on their way to rent a couple of movies from Blockbuster and that’ll be our Saturday night. I hope y’all had a great day! Thank you to each and every one of you that helped me reach, no exceed, my fundraising goal ~ truly, I feel so blessed to have each of you in my life.

Love to you and your families,
Lynn

Friday, October 15, 2004 7:30 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

AMAZING, JUST AMAZING!!! I am smiling from ear to ear right now I wish you all were here to see it!

All I am going to say is, “ask and you shall receive”. Today my friends you helped the Susan G. Komen Foundation receive $5,000. The last $1,600 came in from ya’ll in the past 12 hours. Remarkable how God hears and answers our prayers isn’t it?

Thank you to each and every one of you that helped us reach this goal. The list is long, as we would have never made it to $5,000 with out a lot of supportive hearts. That said, I feel compelled to send out a special thank you this evening to Linda Denning this evening for her donation. Linda, you give me laughter during chemo, a smile each and every time I see you, the most delectable meals, and now to support me at this level in my efforts to raise money for this foundation is nothing short of incredible. It is noteworthy to say that Ms. Linda is a breast cancer survivor herself. In fact we share the same surgeon. Dr. Hampe! Linda, Dana and I just love him!

Also a special thank you to my sweet neighbors Todd & Holly Crandell, Jim & Kathy Shearer. As well as Dana & Dennis Eisenberg, Jennie May, Mary Gladfelder, cousin Paige, and the Craig family. Dear friends Liz, Romney, Suzanne, Jill, JennyGwynn, Heidi, Tracy, Christine, Deb, Melissa, Starlett, Mary Jo, Lori, Mary Ann, my sister Terri, Jill, Mom and Dad, and Mother and Father In Love Dean and Gail Newman.

The list continues… thank you to the people who don’t even know me personally, but were willing to donate to this cause in my name because they felt led to do so.

That’s God doing his mighty work my friends. What a blessing that each and every one of you is in my life.

Thank you not only for standing up and taking action, but also for doing your part in finding a way to eliminate the disease of Cancer. Most importantly thank you for an answered prayer! Y’all inspired me today & and needed to be inspired! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart thank you!

Love and Gods Blessings to each of you.
Lynn

P.S. To my sweet sister Terri…HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUTT!!! NICE GIFT don't you think...CHEERS! We did it! With Gods help, we made a difference! I love you!

Friday, October 15, 2004 0:12 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

*******UPDATED 11:40PM THURSDAY*********

O.k. it is 11:58pm and I should be asleep but I can’t. Everything in my body told me to get out of bed and re-post. Post and share with all of you that are reading my website that I failed. Failed to meet the $5,000 fundraising goal for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Foundation. And it is so heavy on my heart.

And then it occurred to me, at 11:30pm this evening it occurred to me ~ it’s not over. The Phoenix Race was last Saturday, but the DALLAS Race for the Cure is this Saturday ~ TOMORROW! I still have 24 hours to raise $1,270. We can still make our goal but I need your help.

I know you are out there and you love me. I know it even if you don’t post. I feel it. Today is the day I need you all to post, I need you all to help me get to this goal. Yesterday nearly 250 readers were led to my web page. All of you coming to read about my battle. Praying out of concern and love.

If each of you donated $10.00 we would more than exceed my original goal. If you can donate more great! If you’ve already donated, donate another $10.00 (it’s two lattes). Do it today. Do it to inspire me to fight this battle. Do it so that I know that those that are reading this site are willing to stand up and make a difference. The funds we raise go directly to research and development that will ultimately the lives of countless cancer patients ~ patients like me…or you.

GO to the below Susan G. Komen link you can donate on-line. Better yet, forward my website to your friends, and family and ask them to donate $10.00 let’s blow this goal out of the water! Let’s see the power of prayer and goodness. I am at the half waypoint of my chemo treatment today….10 years ago with out the research and development of meds we have today I may not be here at all. Help me make a difference, help me to aid in the eradication this disease!

In his name,
Lynn

***************Original Post 8:30pm********************************
What a difference a day can make. I was so tired and feeling on the verge of getting sick yesterday, but once again prayers were answered as I awoke today feeling refreshed and with no signs of illness. PRAISE!

It was so amazing in Dallas today. For the first time this season it really felt like fall had arrived. We had the most amazing blue sky with a brisk breeze, and I think the high was around 60degrees or so. It was great! I actually needed a jacket, how great is that? I’d say I had to dust it off, but y’all know me too well…I just pulled the price tag off. (We all have our vices HA!)

When Jacob and I got home from school Paps was at our house. As such, Jacob was able to stay home with him and play Tak (a new video game that he and David are mastering) instead of sitting in the carpool line at Taylor’s school. What this really meant was that Paps got to WATCH Jacob play the video game because apparently Paps hasn’t mastered the art of Sony Play Station 2 yet and as such he goes much too slow. Jacob has to “show” Paps how the game is played. Did you ever think a day would come that a 5 year old would be teaching his Paps how to play a video game? FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!

When Taylor and I got home she insisted on riding her bike for a bit, & then we headed up to the park at the end of our block for some impromptu playtime with our friends the Haney’s and the Wilen’s. I hadn’t seen Mary Jo for weeks and it was so good to sit and visit with both Lori and Mary Jo. I am blessed to have some amazing women that live in our neighborhood ~ I will miss you guys next Thursday at girl’s night out. I’ll be thinking of you while we are in San Antonio. Have fun and have a glass of wine for me.

We later joined Gail and Dean (a.k.a. Paps) for dinner at the club. As always it was terrific. We recapped the debates from last night (I won’t go into it here so as not to offend anyone that may not agree w/ my point of view). It’s always interesting when you get my husband on a controversial topic b/c he is shall we say “opinionated”. IF THAT DOESN’T SPUR SOME OF YOU OUT THERE THAT KNOW DAVID TO SHOOT ME A WITTY JOURNAL ENTRY THEN NOTHING WILL!!! Ha!

The night ended with my sweet girl journaling her own day on the computer. (It’s scary how much our behavior influences our children.) She is so dear; to watch her mind work is amazing! What a gift both my kids are. Perfect, in their Mother’s eyes.

Tomorrow at 9am (Friday) I will be given the second half of my round 3 Chemo. Please pray that I get a competent, compassionate nurse. The last 2 rounds I did and it made such a difference. Also, please pray that my veins will hold up. I have a slight burn on the vein that we used last week. It is nowhere near as bad as the previous week, but again you know my position on a port…I don’t want one (especially since tomorrow marks my half way point with chemo).

Love and Gods Strength to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. To the one who cares, loved the gift you showed me this evening!

Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:42 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

What a difference a day can make. I was so tired and feeling on the verge of getting sick yesterday, but once again prayers were answered as I awoke today feeling refreshed and with no signs of illness. PRAISE!

It was so amazing in Dallas today. For the first time this season it really felt like fall had arrived. We had the most amazing blue sky with a brisk breeze, and I think the high was around 60degrees or so. It was great! I actually needed a jacket, how great is that? I’d say I had to dust it off, but y’all know me too well…I just pulled the price tag off. (We all have our vices HA!)

When Jacob and I got home from school Paps was at our house. As such, Jacob was able to stay home with him and play Tak (a new video game that he and David are mastering) instead of sitting in the carpool line at Taylor’s school. What this really meant was that Paps got to WATCH Jacob play the video game because apparently Paps hasn’t mastered the art of Sony Play Station 2 yet and as such he goes much too slow. Jacob has to “show” Paps how the game is played. Did you ever think a day would come that a 5 year old would be teaching his Paps how to play a video game? FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!

When Taylor and I got home she insisted on riding her bike for a bit, & then we headed up to the park at the end of our block for some impromptu playtime with our friends the Haney’s and the Wilen’s. I hadn’t seen Mary Jo for weeks and it was so good to sit and visit with both Lori and Mary Jo. I am blessed to have some amazing women that live in our neighborhood ~ I will miss you guys next Thursday at girl’s night out. I’ll be thinking of you while we are in San Antonio. Have fun and have a glass of wine for me.

We later joined Gail and Dean (a.k.a. Paps) for dinner at the club. As always it was terrific. We recapped the debates from last night (I won’t go into it here so as not to offend anyone that may not agree w/ my point of view). It’s always interesting when you get my husband on a controversial topic b/c he is shall we say “opinionated”. IF THAT DOESN’T SPUR SOME OF YOU OUT THERE THAT KNOW DAVID TO SHOOT ME A WITTY JOURNAL ENTRY THEN NOTHING WILL!!! Ha!

The night ended with my sweet girl journaling her own day on the computer. (It’s scary how much our behavior influences our children.) She is so dear; to watch her mind work is amazing! What a gift both my kids are. Perfect, in their Mother’s eyes.

Tomorrow at 9am (Friday) I will be given the second half of my round 3 Chemo. Please pray that I get a competent, compassionate nurse. The last 2 rounds I did and it made such a difference. Also, please pray that my veins will hold up. I have a slight burn on the vein that we used last week. It is nowhere near as bad as the previous week, but again you know my position on a port…I don’t want one (especially since tomorrow marks my half way point with chemo).

Love and Gods Strength to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. To the one who cares, loved the gift you showed me this evening!

Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:15 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

What a difference a day can make. I was so tired and feeling on the verge of getting sick yesterday, but once again prayers were answered as I awoke today feeling refreshed and with no signs of illness. PRAISE!

It was so amazing in Dallas today. For the first time this season it really felt like fall had arrived. We had the most amazing blue sky with a brisk breeze, and I think the high was around 60degrees or so. It was great! I actually needed a jacket, how great is that? I’d say I had to dust it off, but y’all know me too well…I just pulled the price tag off. (We all have our vices HA!)

When Jacob and I got home from school Paps was at our house. As such, Jacob was able to stay home with him and play Tak (a new video game that he and David are mastering) instead of sitting in the carpool line at Taylor’s school. What this really meant was that Paps got to WATCH Jacob play the video game because apparently Paps hasn’t mastered the art of Sony Play Station 2 yet and as such he goes much too slow. Jacob has to “show” Paps how the game is played. Did you ever think a day would come that a 5 year old would be teaching his Paps how to play a video game? FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!

When Taylor and I got home she insisted on riding her bike for a bit, & then we headed up to the park at the end of our block for some impromptu playtime with our friends the Haney’s and the Wilen’s. I hadn’t seen Mary Jo for weeks and it was so good to sit and visit with both Lori and Mary Jo. I am blessed to have some amazing women that live in our neighborhood ~ I will miss you guys next Thursday at girl’s night out. I’ll be thinking of you while we are in San Antonio. Have fun and have a glass of wine for me.

We later joined Gail and Dean (a.k.a. Paps) for dinner at the club. As always it was terrific. We recapped the debates from last night (I won’t go into it here so as not to offend anyone that may not agree w/ my point of view). It’s always interesting when you get my husband on a controversial topic b/c he is shall we say “opinionated”. IF THAT DOESN’T SPUR SOME OF YOU OUT THERE THAT KNOW DAVID TO SHOOT ME A WITTY JOURNAL ENTRY THEN NOTHING WILL!!! Ha!

The night ended with my sweet girl journaling her own day on the computer. (It’s scary how much our behavior influences our children.) She is so dear; to watch her mind work is amazing! What a gift both my kids are. Perfect, in their Mother’s eyes.

Love and Gods Strength to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. To the one who cares, loved the gift you showed me this evening!

Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:12 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

What a difference a day can make. I was so tired and feeling on the verge of getting sick yesterday, but once again prayers were answered as I awoke today feeling refreshed and with no signs of illness. PRAISE!

It was so amazing in Dallas today. For the first time this season it really felt like fall had arrived. We had the most amazing blue sky with a brisk breeze, and I think the high was around 60degrees or so. It was great! I actually needed a jacket, how great is that? I’d say I had to dust it off, but ya’ll know me too well…I just pulled the price tag off. (We all have our vices HA!)

After I picked Jacob, Jay and Jack up from school Paps was at our house. As such, Jacob was able to stay home with Paps and play Tak (a new video game that he and David are mastering). Well, really that meant that Paps got to WATCH Jacob play the video game because apparently Paps hasn’t mastered the art of Sony Play Station 2 yet and as such he goes much too slow. Jacob has to “show” Paps how the game is played. Did you ever think a day would come that a 5 year old would be teaching his Paps how to play a video game? FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!

When Taylor and I got home she insisted on riding her bike for a bit, & then we headed up to the park at the end of our block for some impromptu playtime with our friends the Haney’s and the Wilen’s. I hadn’t seen Mary Jo for weeks and it was so good to sit and visit with both Lori and Mary Jo. I am blessed to have some amazing women that live in our neighborhood ~ I will miss you guys next Thursday week at girl’s night out. I’ll be thinking of you while we are in San Antonio. Have fun and have a glass of wine for me.

We later joined Gail and Dean (a.k.a. Paps) for dinner at the club. As always it was terrific. We recapped the debates from last night (I won’t go into it here so as not to offend anyone that may not agree w/ my point of view). It’s always interesting when you get my husband on a controversial topic b/c he is shall we say “opinionated”. IF THAT DOESN’T SPUR SOME OF YOU OUT THERE THAT KNOW DAVID TO SHOOT ME A WITTY JOURNAL ENTRY THEN NOTHING WILL!!! Ha!

The night ended with my sweet girl journaling her own day on the computer. (It’s scary how much our behavior influences our children.) She is so dear; to watch her mind work is amazing! What a gift both my kids are. Perfect, in their Mother’s eyes.

Love and Gods Strength to all of you,
Lynn

P.S. To the one who cares, loved the gift you showed me this evening!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 2:44 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I think I used up all my energy yesterday, as I am pooped today. The only thing I got done was to get my hair cut, and that was only because Kathy did it for me. It is nearly time to go get Taylor from school and take her to Gymnastics and that’ll be my day. Wow, kind of a let down after yesterday but I need conserve my energy so that I can rally for Friday’s chemo.

Right now I don’t feel great. I am hoping its just fatigue from a long day yesterday. Pray that is the case b/c David has been sick with Flu symptoms and I really don’t want to re-schedule Friday’s chemo. It is my 6th visit and will mark my half way point. Truth be told I am getting sick of the get chemo, feel awful, start feeling better for 2 days and go right back into another round of chemo routine… WOW, I think I may need an attitude adjustment. That or a glass of wine ~ Probably both!

I hope you all are having a great day. I would love to hear from you. As the “One who cares” puts it, you all know how I love getting your messages.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 7:55 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh my Gosh I had the best day. From start to finish it could not have been better! The day started out good, in that I actually had energy. It definitely was a gift from God as I shouldn’t have had as much pep in my step as I did today (for a Tues following Chemo). I was able to get Taylor ready for Ms. Pam to take to school; then get Jacob ready and drive him, Jay and Jack to preschool. I followed that up with a quick drive through at Starbucks for a “hurray I have energy” latte, and then it was off to a fantastic hour of bible study and fellowship with Holly, Suzanne and Jenny. What a blessing to spend time with these ladies in prayer and study. I am blow away at the amazing women God has placed in my life.

O.k. so now its 11:10am (I know sounds like it was a full day…but I’m not done) Holly and I are off to meet Dana for lunch. WOW, what a woman. It was SO good to be able to hug her neck. You know when you’ve spoken to someone over the phone or on e-mail and you say, “it is nice to put a face with a name”. Well, I already had a face, as did she via our web sites, but what I lacked was being able to look into her eyes and see her amazing strength, love and verve. In Dana’s words, “I knew it would be this effortless comfortable conversation” and indeed it was. We have this connection it started through cancer ~ her son’s, and then the return of mine. But now it is more than that, I will not be able to tell my story with out Dana, Dennis and Sammy interwoven into it. I am blessed to call her my friend. The Sushi, it was marginal (which is unfortunate as I am a huge fan) but the time I was able to spend with Holly and Dana…that was magnificent.

O.K., I am still not done. We left Sushi at 1:10pm and Holly and I had until 2pm before we had to pick up the boys. We toyed with the idea of picking them up early and then decided…NO, a Sonic slushy sounded good! So we went and grabbed one. We were later busted by her son Jack when he said, “HEY, how come you got Sonic and we didn’t?” Ummm… well, I let Holly field that one! HA!

After Jacob and I picked Taylor up from school we made a quick trip to Target for some “essentials”. That would be code for dog food. I am so pathetic, my dear friends have taken care of feeding my family & me you’d think I’d be able to keep dog food on hand ~ but NO we were out and needed to make a quick run for Cody Dog. On the trip home I picked up a call from my dear friend and neighbor Linda Denning who blessed us greatly with dinner tonight. In the words of my daughter, “Oh MY GOSH!!!” Linda keeps spoiling us with these mouth-watering dinners ~ I may never cook again.

Of course our day would not be complete with out some cul-de-sac playtime. The Crandell’s and the Newman’s were once again playing in the circle for the hour before dinner, and let me tell you it was a beautiful thing. If you live in Dallas I hope you got a chance to get out and enjoy the day. If you don’t, well I am sorry but you may want to do as my parents are doing and consider a move because the weather is pretty much perfect in Dallas these days.

As you can imagine I am now exhausted and ready to “fall into bed” as Holly would say. But I couldn’t rest until I posted a recap of this glorious day.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. They are being answered daily. My hands are a bit red, but with the reduced dosage of Xeloda very manageable. As Dana pointed out today I still have a full head of hair (yeah GOD!), and with the exception of a sore back and a broken pinkie nail (DARN) I seem to be handling the IV Taxotere better than most. All of which I am so thankful and praise God because I know it’s not me.

I hope your day was as blessed as mine.
Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, October 11, 2004 7:48 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

***********Updated 7:50pm******************************

So all was not lost today as the sun did finally come out about 4pm; and by 4:15pm my kids and I were out in the cul-de-sac with the Crandells, Shearers, and an all to short visit from Lori Haney and her kids. It lasted only an hour but in that hour all our frowns were turned upside down! What a gift. AND, Dave got his run in!!! All is better in “Newmanland”. God is so gracious he always provides just want we need!

************Original Post 3:51pm************************

Today was a typical Monday following Chemo: sore back and neck & fatigue etc. The good news is that I was able to take my Xeloda oral meds yesterday; the bad news is that it did cause some redness in my hands and feet. As such, Dr. Stokoe opted to cut my dosage from 3 pills in AM + 2 in the PM to only 2 in the Am and 1 in the PM. As my friend Suzanne said, then I will pray that is all your body needs. I will ask you all to do the same.

Taylor & David were home from school & work today as it is Columbus Day. We were hoping for a fun filled day but unfortunately we ended up with a rainy day instead. As such, Dave did not get to Golf or go running, and Taylor did not get to ride her bike, as she would have liked. Oh well, we got a couple errands run (including purchasing her a cute new outfit) and she scored McDonald’s for lunch. All and all I’d say it was not too bad for a day off from school.

Jacob and David are playing Sony Play station 2 upstairs right now. I think Jacob believes that David’s only job when he’s not at work is to play video games with him. He is annoyed if he chooses to do anything else. I have to say that I think it’s a great bonding time for them. But I find it amusing that Dave can now claim that he is “spending time with the boy” instead of mindlessly playing video games (FYI: Dave had Play-Station 1 before the kids were born so don’t let him fool ya…he’s just likes to play video games!)

Taylor and I have been playing a few games of Skip Bo (a card game). She isn’t at all into video games. WELL… unless she’s at the Crandell’s and she can play there full sized Ms. PacMan. Oh… that was my favorite game growing up. She has such great taste. I can’t wait until I feel better and I can challenge Holly to a game! HA!!

We are being blessed twice today by Lori Haney as she took Jacob to school this morning, and will be delivering dinner to us this evening. What great friends I have. Thank you so much Lori, you are so dear.

I hope you had a great day. Please pray that the side affects from the Chemo wear off by morning as I plan to have lunch with Holly and Dana tomorrow at Japan. It’ll be the first time Holly and I get to meet Dana in person and to have Sushi to boot… Wahoo, what a day. I don’t want to miss it.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, October 11, 2004 3:51 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Today was a typical Monday following Chemo: sore back and neck with fatigue etc. The good news is that I was able to take my Xeloda oral meds yesterday; the bad news is that it did cause some redness in my hands and feet. As such, Dr. Stokoe opted to cut my dosage from 3 pills in AM + 2 in the PM to only 2 in the Am and 1 in the PM. As my friend Suzanne said, then I will pray that is all your body needs. I will ask you all to do the same.

Taylor & David were home from school & work today as it is Columbus Day. We were hoping for a fun filled day but unfortunately we ended up with a rainy day instead. As such, Dave did not get to Golf or go running, and Taylor did not get to ride her bike, as she would have liked. Oh well, we got a couple errands run (including purchasing her a cute new outfit) and she scored McDonald’s for lunch. All and all I’d say it was not too bad for a day off from school.

Jacob and David are playing Sony Play station 2 upstairs right now. I think Jacob believes that David’s only job when he’s not at work is to play video games with him. He is annoyed if he chooses to do anything else. I have to say that I think it’s a great bonding time for them. But I find it amusing that Dave can now claim that he is “spending time with the boy” instead of mindlessly playing video games (FYI: Dave had Play-Station 1 before the kids were born so don’t let him fool ya…he’s just likes to play video games!)

Taylor and I have been playing a few games of Skip Bo (a card game). She isn’t at all into video games. WELL… unless she’s at the Crandell’s and she can play there full sized Ms. PacMan. Oh… that was my favorite game growing up. She has such great taste. I can’t wait until I feel better and I can challenge Holly to a game! HA!!

We are being blessed twice today by Lori Haney as she took Jacob to school for me this morning, and will be delivering dinner to us this evening. What great friends I have. Thank you so much Lori, you are so dear.

I hope you all having a great day. Please pray that the side affects from the Chemo wear off as I plan to have lunch with Holly and Dana Eisenberg tomorrow at Japan. It’ll be the first time Holly and I get to meet Dana in person and to get Sushi to boot… Wahoo, what a day. I don’t want to miss it.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Sunday, October 10, 2004 7:17 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

All I can say is are you kidding me??? Dana and Dennis Eisenberg you have got to be the most generous people I know. Dana and Dennis you’ve given so much of your time and energy to raising funds and awareness for the Leukemia foundation I am honored that you would be equally giving to support the Susan G. Komen breast cancer research foundation on my behalf. Your $1,000 donation has set the bar so high that it simply inspires me to do more next year.

Dana, you are right it is our fight; you as a breast cancer survivor, and I as a future two-time survivor! It is through ours, and others fundraising efforts that we will eradicate this disease. You both are so dear thank you.

For those that did not get a chance to donate, fear not you can continue to donate today, tomorrow and always. Until the day comes that we have a cure for all Cancer we will need your financial support to continue research and development. It will be through our efforts that the children of tomorrow will not have to suffer what Sammy, Dana, and I have. What a blessing to be a part of curing the disease of Cancer.

I will close with that sentiment, as there is nothing I could possibly say that could be more profound.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, October 9, 2004 8:35 PM CDT

**************UPDATE FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON************
It is now 8:30pm and we had the best dinner with Dean and Gail. As always dinner was fabulous and we were blessed with amazing conversation and laughter. What a joy to have them back in Texas!

Friends & Family, I need your prayers. I am only one day into my Xeloda and my body is not tolerating it well. The redness and soreness is already setting in and Dr. Stokoe has taken me off my evening dosage and we will re-assess my condition in the morning. I desperately need your prayers that my body be able to tolerate this drug. In Dr. Stokoe’s words, “Taxotere + Xeloda isn’t like 2+2=4, the combination of these 2 drugs together is like 2+2=6”. My body needs to be able to tolerate this medicine to fight off my cancer. Please pray that I can.

My back pains have begun to set in. Right now the pain is very manageable via a heating pad. I am preparing for tomorrow evening and Monday as I know these will be my hardest days. Pray that God can minimize these pains as it can get pretty challenging.

***************************
Posted Saturday at 4:00pm:
***************************
Today was an unusual day. We had a lazy morning because Jacob had a late 11am soccer game…or so I thought! Opps we showed up at 10:50am, rain and all, and the Stingrays were nowhere to be found. I called coach Scot and he informed me that the mighty Stingrays won their 9am game 4-0! OPPS!!! My 5 year old informed me that maybe I should have programmed the game time in my palm piolet and had the alarm set so that I’d remember. Oh, sweet boy…I am so sorry my chemo brain really messed up this morning. I vowed not to let that happen again.

All was not lost because we later joined Holly and her kidos for some Cold Stone Creamery ice cream. It was the Newman’s first experience at Cold Stone and it certainly will not be our last, it was divine. Although Holly and I both agreed that her daughter Ashlynn & my Jacob picked the best flavor and mixings ~ leave it to a child to pick out the best choice. HA!

Later Taylor and I hit the 50% off Kids Feet Sale in Plano and she officially picked her first pair of shoes that were NOT Mommy’s choice. A very trendy pair of brown suede clogs with a 2” heel and she will NOT take them off. Apparently the are “the coolest!!” It is VERY funny, a milestone for sure.

We then ventured over to the nail salon b/c the Taxotere is doing its thing on my nails and one cracked VERY short and I needed to get it fixed for fear that I’d be bleeding soon if I didn’t. Taylor had to show Jenny, the nail tech, her new shoes and Jenny very enthusiastically said they were the cutest she’d ever seen. The ladies at Nails America know me by name these days as I am in there once a week to “maintain” my nails. Hey, you gotta have something to look forward to before chemo right?

Dr. Hampe, my surgeon, called me last night about 8:30 pm to discuss my completing round #4 chemo prior to surgery. He was ensuring that I understood that this was a good thing. It meant that all was going better than we expected. That said, it looks like surgery will be around Nov 15th. I’ll have drains coming out of me for 10 days post surgery, but he assures me that I’ll be in good shape for Thanksgiving.

I sure hope so my sweet girl turns 7 on Nov 28th and I need to be up and around by then.
This year she is not having a “big party” as it is our off year (every other year the kids get a big party) so she is able to invite 3 or 4 friends and do an activity (a movie, ice skating etc.) she has informed me that she wants to go to Libby Lou’s (I think that’s the name) it’s a girls salon in the mall where they get their hair styled like movie and/or pop starts complete with hair extensions, glitter. The works. It’s official my little girl is growing up. What fun!

I am off to take a quick snooze before we head over to Dean and Gail’s house for dinner. She is no doubt fixing something amazing that I will convince myself has no calories.

I hope your day was as much fun as ours.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, October 9, 2004 4:18 PM CDT

Today was an unusual day. We had a lazy morning because Jacob had a late 11am soccer game…or so I thought! Opps we showed up at 10:50am, rain and all, and the Stingrays were nowhere to be found. I called coach Scot and he informed me that the mighty Stingrays won their 9am game 4-0! OPPS!!! My 5 year old informed me that maybe I should have programmed the game time in my palm piolet and had the alarm set so that I’d remember. Oh, sweet boy…I am so sorry my chemo brain really messed up this morning. I vowed not to let that happen again.

All was not lost because we later joined Holly and her kidos for some ColdStone Creamery ice cream. It was the Newman’s first experience at ColdStone and it certainly will not be our last, it was divine. Although Holly and I both agreed that her daughter Ashlynn & my Jacob picked the best flavor and mixings ~ leave it to a child to pick out the best choice. HA!

Later Taylor and I hit the 50ff Kids Feet Sale in Plano and she officially picked her first pair of shoes that were NOT Mommy’s choice. A very trendy pair of brown suede clogs with a 2” heel. She will NOT take them off. Apparently the are “the coolest!!” It is VERY funny, a milestone for sure.

We then ventured over to the nail salon b/c the Taxotere is doing its thing on my nails and one cracked VERY short and I needed to get it fixed for fear that I’d be bleeding soon if I didn’t. Taylor had to show Jenny, the nail tech, her new shoes and Jenny very enthusiastically said they were the cutest she’d ever seen. The ladies at Nails America know me by name these days as I am in there once a week to “maintain” my nails. Hey, you gotta have something to look forward to before chemo right?

Dr. Hampe, my surgeon, called me last night about 8:30 to discuss my completing round #4 chemo prior to surgery. He was ensuring that I understood that this was a good thing. It meant that all was going better than we expected. That said, it looks like surgery will be around Nov 15th. I’ll have drains coming out of me for 10 days post surgery, but he assures me that I’ll be in good shape for Thanksgiving. I sure hope so my sweet girl turns 7 Nov 27th and I need to be up and around by then.

This year she is not having a “big party” as it is our off year (every other year the kids get a big party) so she is able to invite 3 or 4 friends and do an activity (a movie, ice skating etc.) she has informed me that she wants to go to Libby Lou’s (I think that’s the name) it’s a girls salon in the mall where they get their hair styled like movie and/or pop starts complete with hair extensions, glitter.The works. It’s official my little girl is growing up. What fun!

I am off to take a quick snooze before we head over to Dean and Gail’s house for dinner. She is no doubt fixing something amazing that I will convince myself has no calories.

I hope your day was as much fun as ours.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Friday, October 8, 2004 7:16 PM CDT

It is another beautiful day in Texas. I know all of you that read my post that don’t live in Dallas are thinking, “Whatever”…but it’s true. We had 2 days of rain/cloud coverage and it looked like today was going to be the same but NO, I walked out of Chemo and God gave me the most beautiful blue sky to brighten my mood. Gail, Linda and JennyGwynn, thank you so much for coming to support me today. You will never know how much I appreciate your presence at these appointments. Thanks also to Holly, had you not been so persistent in telling me you were coming to first appointment, I would have never known how much I needed to have my spiritual prayer warriors surround me during each visit. Holly, Suzanne, Kathy, Mom and Terri y’all were missed.

So, about Chemo…I got some today. More specifically they administered the first half of round #3 Taxotere. I will go in for the 2nd half of round #3 next Friday (Oct 15th my sisters birthday). Dr. Stokoe did a physical exam and noted a decrease in size vs. round #1. So in his words, “The chemo treatment is working” (PRAISE!). My blood work indicated that my red blood count was low so they game me some IV meds to increase those counts. That may account for my fatigue the past 2 weeks.

Next he threw me a curve ball. He said, “Given the fact that you are responding so positively to the current Chemo regimen Dr. Hampe and I agree that it makes sense for you to complete Chemo Round #4 prior to surgery”. I am o.k. with this, but the change means that I can not attend the Women’s Bible Retreat for our church as they set up the 1st half of round #4 for Oct 28th. Trust me ladies you will not want to take care of an ailing Cancer Patient on this retreat. You’ll miss out on all the fun! I am saddened by this news as I was VERY much looking forward to the retreat but something in the back of my mind whispered don’t count on it.

Switching gears…My dear husband David voiced his concern that he needed an old fashioned family vacation. You remember when you all load up I the car and drive to your destination. That said, it looks like the Newman clan will be heading out for an extended weekend get away Oct 21st – 24th to San Antonio then down to Corpus Christie back up to Austin and then heading home to Dallas. All our friends say that once we see the coast of Texas our response will be,”Yep there it is”. They assume that since Dave grew up in CA that he wouldn’t be able to appreciate the beaches of Texas. He may surprise you…he always does me. We are going to try and get to Sea World with the kids. I can’t wait, it will give all of us something to look forward to.

A special Thanks to the Cobbs as they have offered to let us stay at their family cabin. Thank you so much for your offer we are very much looking forward to getting to spend time at your lake front retreat. Jacob and Dave can fish and Taylor and I will WATCH them!! HA! I am so NOT a fishing kind of girl.

Speaking of my husband, his voice has been notably absent on this web site. I’d like to take a moment share a story that will change that. Each day I thank God that he brought David into my life. He has been my rock since the day I met him; and more specifically through this entire cancer journey. He’d argue that he is more like a rudder….Let me explain using David’s words, “It’s my job to be the rudder.” “THE WHAT?” , I ask. “The rudder, you know it steers the boat. It’s my job to ensure that whatever news we get I don’t allow us to get off course. With bad news we could slip into depression, with good news allow ourselves to assume that we’ve beaten this disease when in fact we still have a very long road ahead of us. It’s my job to help us remain steadfast in our Faith that God will help guide us through this journey.” That said, you will rarely see Dave in a deep depression,(a funk yes), or a jubilant state ~ more likely you’ll see him firm in his faith with the Lord and trusting that he will guide us and take care of us.

Honey I am not sure if I view you as my rudder or my rock, but I am certain that I could not make it through this journey with our your love and support. You constantly amaze me. Thank you for being our family’s rudder and guiding us through some very stormy waters. I love and respect you more than my simple words can say.

I will close with a plea for help in our efforts to raise funds for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Breast Cancer Foundation. Tomorrow, Saturday 10/9/04 is our last day to post funds for this fundraiser. We are a far cry from our goal and yet closer than we were yesterday ~ Thank you Pam Graham and Lori Haney for your help. I love you ladies!!! PLEASE, PLEASE take a moment to go to the below link to help us raise funds for this cause. Thank you so very much.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Friday, October 8, 2004 3:31 PM CDT

It is another beautiful day in Texas. I know all of you that read my post that don’t live in Dallas are thinking, “Whatever”…but it’s true. We had 2 days of rain/cloud coverage and it looked like today was going to be the same but NO, I walked out of Chemo and God gave me the most beautiful blue sky to brighten my mood. Gail, Linda and JennyGwynn, thank you so much for coming to support me today. You will never know how much I appreciate your presence at these appointments. Thanks also to Holly, had you not been so persistent in telling me you were coming to first appointment, I would have never known how much I needed to have my spiritual prayer warriors surround me during each visit. Holly, Suzanne, Kathy, Mom and Terri y’all were missed.

So, about Chemo…I got some today. More specifically they administered the first half of round #3 Taxotere. I will go in for the 2nd half of round #3 next Friday (Oct 15th my sisters birthday). Dr. Stokoe did a physical exam and noted a decrease in size vs. round #1. So in his words, “The chemo treatment is working” (PRAISE!). My blood work indicated that my red blood count was low so they game me some IV meds to increase those counts. That may account for my fatigue the past 2 weeks.

Next he threw me a curve ball. He said, “Given the fact that you are responding so positively to the current Chemo regimen Dr. Hampe and I agree that it makes sense for you to complete Chemo Round #4 prior to surgery”. I am o.k. with this, but this change means that I can not attend the Women’s Bible Retreat for our church as they set up the 1st half of round #4 for Oct 28th. Trust me ladies you will not want to take care of an ailing Cancer Patient on this retreat. You’ll miss out on all the fun! I am saddened by this news as I was VERY much looking forward to the retreat but something in the back of my mind whispered don’t count on it.

Switching gears…My dear husband David voiced his concern that he needed an old fashioned family vacation. You remember when you all load up I the car and drive to your destination. That said, it looks like the Newman clan will be heading out for an extended weekend get away Oct 21st – 24th to San Antonio then down to Corpus Christie back up to Austin and then heading home to Dallas. All our friends say that once we see the coast of Texas our response will be,”Yep there it is”. They assume that since Dave grew up in CA that he wouldn’t be able to appreciate the beaches of Texas. He may surprise you…he always does me. We are going to try and get to Sea World with the kids. I can’t wait, it will give all of us something to look forward to.

A special Thanks to the Cobbs as they have offered to let us stay at their family cabin. Thank you so much for your offer we are very much looking forward to getting to spend time at your lake front retreat. Jacob and Dave can fish and Taylor and I will WATCH them!! HA! I am so NOT a fishing kind of girl. But the boys will have a hoot.

Speaking of my husband, his voice has been notably absent on this web site. I’d like to take a moment share a story that will change that. Each day I thank God that he brought David into my life. He has been my rock since the day I met him; and more specifically through this entire cancer journey. He’d argue that he is more like a rudder….Let me explain using David’s words, “It’s my job to be the rudder.” “THE WHAT?” , I ask. “The rudder, you know it steers the boat. It’s my job to ensure that whatever news we get I don’t allow us to get off course. With bad news we could slip into depression, with good news allow ourselves to assume that we’ve beaten this disease when in fact we still have a very long road ahead of us. It’s my job to help us remain steadfast in our Faith that God will help guide us through this journey.” That said, you will rarely see Dave in a deep depression, a funk (yes), or a jubilant state ~ more likely you’ll see him firm in his faith with the Lord and trusting that he will guide us and take care of us.

Honey I am not sure if I view you as my rudder or my rock. But I am certain that I could not make it through this journey with out your love and support. You constantly amaze me. Thank you for assuming the role of our family’s rudder and guiding us through some very stormy waters. I love and respect you more than my simple words can say.

I will close with a plea for help in our efforts to raise funds for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Breast Cancer Foundation. We are a far cry from our goal and yet much closer than we were yesterday ~ Thank you Pam Graham and Lori Haney for your help. I love you ladies!!! Please take one moment to go to the below link to help us raise funds for this cause. Thank you so very much.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Thursday, October 7, 2004 4:21 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

I continue to be amazed at how God is working in my life. My faith has never been stronger, my marriage never better, my children amaze me, and he continues to bring men and women in my life that I never knew I needed until I meet them. Now that I have, I wonder how I ever got along with out them? This is true today for the group of women that I met with for the Mom’s In Touch Prayer group for Taylor’s new Elementary School. These ladies are wonderful. They are committed to God, to this school, and to praying for the children and teachers at our school. I never knew that this could exits outside a private school setting. I prayed that God would give me peace about having to move Taylor to this new school and he has. What a blessing it is to maintain friendships from her old school, and be given the privilege of forming new friendships from her new one.

Has anyone else noticed an increase in butterflies flying around you lately? I know I have. A couple days ago while Holly, the kids and I were outside one flew right between us and Holly’s response was, “Well Hello Allie”. Hello indeed. For those who may not know her story Allie was a sweet little girl that went to be with God on Monday September 13th at 11pm. She was nine months old and for 5 months battled Leukemia. Her story touched so many lives it nothing short of amazing. Now and forever when Holly and I see butterflies we think of Allie and we smile. It seems where ever I go, or drive, I see them. It is as if God is surrounding me with Angels ~ whatever the case it is beautiful sight and a gift from God that brings me joy each day. Look around…you may have angels all around you too.

Thank you all so much for your prayers, they are being answered. The blisters on my feet are all but gone. All that remains is a little tenderness. I have some sensitivity on my tongue (a feeling like I burned it on sipping hot cocoa). My headache is gone, and I am hopeful that my veins with hold up against the IV Taxotere that they will be administering tomorrow around 10:00am.

Please pray for a compassionate, and competent chemo nurse. Pray that my veins will be stronger than the chemo, and that my body can tolerate starting back on the Xeloda Oral Chemo meds. You know my fears about reducing the dosage & getting a port…I don’t want to do either!

I will close with a thank you to my friend Dana Eisenberg who wrote about me on her son Sammy’s Caringbridge website last night (www.caringbridge.org/tx/sameisenberg). Her words touched my heart more than she could possibly know. I so appreciate her kindness and am hopeful that with her help we will be able to meet and/or exceed our $5,000 fundraising goal for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Foundation. If you haven’t had a chance PLEASE, PLEASE take a moment to go to the below link and help us. Thank you to Bethany, Karen and Patty for your donations today. Together we will make a difference.

Love to you all,
Lynn Newman

Wednesday, October 6, 2004 10:06 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Well it’s official my parents are moving to Texas! Hallelujah! We are all so excited. I was able to sign the paperwork for their lease today. The kids are so excited because they will be living right down the street from us. They may regret that move when they realize how frequently the kidos want to come “hang” with Grandma and Grandpa. HA!

Dean and Gail (my in-laws) watched the kids tonight as Dave and I attended mini-church; Gail shared with me that as she and my sweet Taylor said prayers together Taylor thanked God because now she would have BOTH her Grandparents in Texas YEAH (with the touch down pose)!! I echo her sentiments.

Thank you for your prayers for my tootsies! God is answering them as the blisters are getting smaller and I am able to get around better today. Except when I put on my tennis shoes, which is weird b/c you’d think they be the most comfortable. Go figure? Oh well I am kind of a sandal girlie girl anyway. (I can’t wait to see the responses on that on my guest book, I catch so much flack for that.)

I have one prayer request that I’d like to add to my list from yesterday. For the past two days I have been getting really bad headaches. This is not necessarily a side affect from my chemo, more likely it is allergy related, but hurtful nonetheless. Please pray that they will subside because that is one pain that I don’t seem to manage well…it makes me…how can I say this tactfully….”grumpy”.

I will close with this; we are approaching our deadline for our Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure fundraiser (Oct 16th). We are short of our $5,000 goal and really need your help. PLEASE take a few moments to go to the below “Walkers for Knocker” link and donate to this cause. The amount of the donation does not matter, it all adds up. Thank you so much!

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, October 5, 2004 7:01 PM CDT

I am sorry that I was not able to post yesterday. While we had an amazing weekend with our friends it plum tuckered me out. I rested most of yesterday afternoon and all of this morning. I feel much better now.

I am constantly amazed at how God continues to be faithful to my family and me through this journey. Let me explain…when I found out about the re-occurrence of my breast cancer my Mom and Dad felt a calling to be with me immediately. In fact my Dad put in for a leave of absence from his job in Arizona. When they got here we discussed the possibility of them moving to Texas. The move would allow them to help us during my cancer journey, but also they would be given the blessing of spending more time with their grandchildren. (They change and grow up so fast and it would be so great if they were closer.) However, my Dad’s job was in Arizona. I had asked my mini-church to pray about this decision and if it was God’s will that they move here that he would open doors so that it could happen. He did just that. We got word today that my dad was offered a position with a company located right down the street from us. It is of interest to note that our dear friend and neighbor Todd Crandell (Holly’s husband) recommended my dad for this position. We are so grateful for this answered prayer. What a blessing!

As for me, I am holding my own. Truth be told I have been fighting a soar throat & ears for a week. I am on an anti-biotic unfortunately that hasn’t seemed to help much. In addition I continue to experience side affects from the Xeloda Chemo meds. I have been off this medicine for 6 days but in the last 3days I have noticed an increase in soreness and redness on my feet ~ yesterday that turned into blisters in some areas making it painful to walk at times. Dr. Stokoe recommended a topical ointment that is helping some. That said, I find myself nervous because if a patient experiences these side affects they must be taken off Xeloda or at least reduce the dosage. Herein lies my fear ~ the chemo regimen that they have me on is working; i.e., my tumors are shrinking. I am nervous about the possibility of changing the dosage, as we don’t know if it’s the Taxotere or the Xeloda, or combination of both that is working so affectively. Please pray that my body can manage these side affects, or that they will completely go away so that I can continue with my current meds.

In addition, the last round of chemo blew the vein that was used for the IV. You all know my position about a port…I don’t want one. Please pray that Friday’s round of Chemo is tolerated better and that my veins can with stand the IV Taxotere meds.

My post would not be complete if I failed to mention that at 1:30pm today I called Holly to check in and we were both on our way to Costco. We met up and while shopping for our goodies Holly noticed a Carmel Apple Kit complete with Carmel, sprinkles, cookies, nuts etc. So, at 4pm this afternoon she set up a table outside and we had a Carmel apple dipping party! She took pictures of the kids in their excitement and at some point they may actually make the website… a fun time was had by all.

So, to sum it up HUGE praise, a few prayer requests, and a party! What more could a girl ask for.

Love to you all!
Lynn

Sunday, October 3, 2004 11:44 PM CDT

It is nearly 12midnight as I post. For those of you who don't know, it is UNHEARD of for me to be up this late! I am usually getting ready for bed at 9:00pm. But not tonight...this has been such an amazing day.

We were able to go to church this morning and witness the dedication of sweet baby Catherine Grace Crandell (Holly's daughter) to Christ. It brought tears to my eyes, and my heart could not have been filled with more love for this child. It was made all the more special because Catherine was dedicated in the same beautiful gown that my sweet Taylor was baptized in. It was incredible.

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, we've been blessed to have our friends Paul and Jami here for the week end from Colorado. Today our dear friend Andrew McMullen drove up from Austin to spend the night with us. Dave, Paul and Andrew are fraternity brothers and it has been so great to see these boys laugh and tell stories etc. non-stop ~ right up to the point that I am typing this post.

God has blessed us so greatly ~ Dave needed this week end with his dear friends more than they could have known (but God knew). Paul, Andrew and Jami thank you for blessing us with your encouragement, humor, and presence. You have lifted us up, and brought such joy to our lives this week end.

I will close with a special thank you to my dear friend Linda who made Taylor and Jacob's Day so special by taking them with her Grandkids to see the new Shark Tales movie and followed it up with what else...playtime in the cul-de-sac. Jami and I joined Linda and Holly around 4pm and it quickly became yet another impromptu "party" we girls like to do that. What a blessing to live at Shadow Ridge Ct.

It never ceases to amaze me that God finds a way to meet our needs each and every day. He is so good.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, October 2, 2004 5:13 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

After yesterday's news I am not even sure if I should post today as nothing could possibly surpass the blessing of my tumor shrinking.

Nonetheless, I thought I'd do a quick post to say hello. We are having a great day with our friends Paul and Jami. They got up before the crack of dawn (literally)and hopped a 5:30am flight from Denver to Dallas and they are blessing us with their company until Monday.

Jacob had a terrific soccer game! The mighty Stinrays remain undefeated! YEAH! Those boys have more fun!

Paps is over watching the CU Football game with us and has offered to stay while Paul, Jami, Dave and I go to Sushi! Wahoo!!! Holly, Dave and I will share a rainbow roll and toast to you.

I hope you are all having a great day! Thank you for your continued prayers and loving messages...they mean more than you know.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Friday, October 1, 2004 8:46 PM CDT

HUGE PRAISE today as I received the news that the PET Scan indicated, “A marked decrease in tumor cell activity” in laymen’s terms….IT’S SHRINKING!!! In addition, it showed no cancer in the liver, lungs, bones OR breast. Yes, you heard me it is not in my breast. That means the surgery will be mainly in the armpit with the exception of retesting tissue surrounding my original lumpectomy just to be sure. YEAH GOD! Thank you all so much for your prayers, they have been answered! Keep them coming, we are not done yet.

So, where do I go from here? We will continue the course with the 3rd round of Taxotere & Xeloda Chemotherapy prior to surgery. The first half of round #3 is a week from today (10/8) and the 2nd half will be the following Friday (10/15 ~ my sister’s birthday!). I will meet with Dr. Hampe, my surgeon, in about 10 days at which time we will pick an actual date for my surgery; but it looks like the 1st week of November at this point.

What a great day! AND it gets even better, Taylor received her report card…SHE ROCKED!! Both behaviorally and academically she did FANTASTIC! We are so proud of her! She received an award for a free meal at Macaroni Grill (all the kids did)…so we went this evening. The kids had never been there, and it is now their favorite place to eat. Where else do you get to color on the tablecloths and not get into trouble? HA! The little things that bring them joy. We all should take a cue from them…

To close I would like to give you all a gift. It is the gift of perspective.

A friend recently asked me to listen to a song as she felt it might speak to me. It did. Let me share some of the lyrics…

He said I was in my early forties,
With a lot of life before me,
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, looking at the X-Rays,
Talking about the options, and talking about sweet time.
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end
How’s it hit ya when you get that kind of news?
Man what did you do?

He said,…

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’

And he said some day I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin’….

He said I was finally the husband,
that most the time I wasn’t
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have

Well I finally read the good book,
and I took a good long hard look
At what I’d do I could do it all again

And then…
I went Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying’

Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it?
What can I do with it?
What would I do with it…
~ Tim McGraw Artist (Live like you were dying)

What are you doing with it my friends? Are you living the life that God wants you to live? Or are you just living? Choose to live everyday like it is your last. Hug your kids, kiss your spouse, tell your friends and family that you love them. Forgive the person who’ve not been able to until right now ~ just this minute. Ask God to give you each and every blessing he has for you. Don’t leave any of them unclaimed ~ they are yours, you just need to ask.

That is my gift to each of you. The gift of perspective. It is a gift that God gave me through this journey. I believe that his message, he is just using me to send it to each of you. He loves us ~ and he wants us to live the life he planned for each of us. I for one intend to do just that. Got it God, thanks for the lesson….I’ll spend the next 50 years living the life you intended me to have!

In his name,
Love to you all.
Lynn

Thursday, September 30, 2004 8:50 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

I am continually amazed at how God continues to meet my every need. Holly just called to check on me and asked if I was getting ready for bed. Truth be told I am. Yes at 8:30pm I am exhausted and getting ready for bed…I know, I know, how boring. She asked if I had posted. I had not. To be honest I am too tired. She then asked if she could read me her post. It’s beautiful, poignant, and I knew immediately that for those that don’t read the journal entries ~ you needed to hear her message. See, God gave me a post tonight… he just gave the words to Holly Crandell. Love to you all, Lynn

TO LYNN FROM HOLLY:

OH...ALRIGHT ALREADY PEOPLE!!!! Where are your posts...come on now...we know you are reading because you see, the website has a counter!!! Just because Miss Lynn is feeling good and looking good (ALWAYS - is that disgusting or what?) doesn't mean she is still not dealing with this awful disease and doesn't need to hear your words of encouragement. Do I sound like a Mom or what? I can do this you see, because this is my dear friend...I know how very much each post and each special word means to her...and I know how much it makes her fight and run faster for the battle/race that is ahead of her. I praise God everyday for her life, her friendship and how her journey is changing lives of people she knows and people she doesn't know. Please let her know you are out their reading. I know it is hard to not have the words but a cheery hello...I am thinking of you is all it takes.

Okay, I am off my soapbox and onto something else. Do you ever have those pocket people....friends that no matter where you are you can know they are close to you? I think maybe they are heaven sent angels...helping us through this minute in time called LIFE. Well, Lynn and I are so blessed with some mutual friends and we had the pleasure of enjoying time with Pam Graham and her sweet girls Julia and Kelsey in the cul de sac this evening. It seems to me that out of the blue Pam will catch a vibe (yes, this is a God thing) and just KNOW what needs to be done, an encouraging call, a picking up or taking of a child to school, a stopping by to say hello (even when Lynn THINKS she looks bad - HA), a call, a note, a special act of service she views as every day has become an unquestionable gift from God. You are amazing Pam Graham and I love you for all that you are and all that you do!! I hope you receive even an eensy bit of blessing from others the way you have blessed us lately. You are truly an angel!

Speaking of which...have ya'll heard that song by the group Alabama called Angels Among Us? If not...try to find it and listen - it is a wonderful story...there are angels all around...just stop and think about what happened in your day today - I guarantee you felt it was blessed in some way. God is so good and His grace is sufficient.

Rest well everyone out there in cyber world. Pray for tomorrow - tis a BIG day in the world of finding out medical info on Lynn, our beloved, friend, mom, wife, daughter, daughter in law, neighbor, sister in Christ....ya da da da da.

Oh yea...Jamie and Paul....we can't wait to have you join us in the cul de sac....travel safe.

Love, Holly
Holly Crandell
- Thursday, September 30, 2004 8:37 PM CDT

Wednesday, September 29, 2004 4:23 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

You know when you hear a story about when someone is sick all night and you do the whole, “Oh…” and you tilt your head…get ready to have one of those moments.

As all of you know I had my PET Scan yesterday and as a result I could not eat anything until the test was over. Well, what you may not know is that each week that I have an IV Chemo round I also do daily doses of an oral Chemo med called Xeloda. I take it twice daily for 14 days (it covers me for both weeks I do the IV Chemo). Well, it is very hard on your stomach and it needs to be taken w/ food; once with breakfast the second time with dinner. Are you seeing where I am going with this story?

Obviously I could not do that yesterday b/c I couldn’t eat until after my PET Scan. I opted to bring my Xeloda w/ me as I knew I’d be hitting a drive thru after my scan and I took it at 2pm and then again at 9pm. Well, apparently the timing of the meds were too close together because starting at 9:30pm it started wreaking havoc on my stomach. I LITERALLY spent the night in the bathroom last night. It was excruciating! I spoke to my oncologist last night and again first thing this morning and he recommended Imodium AD. My Dad ran out to get me some at 6am this morning. The Imodium seemed to help things…for a while. Unfortunately, around 12pm the pain had returned and I had to place another call to my oncologist who opted to have me discontinue the Xeloda for the remaining 2 days of treatment and give me another dose of Imodium AD. For the time being my stomach has stopped cramping etc. but here in lies the Oh…moment. Please pray that the pain is gone ~ I didn’t get any sleep last night, Dave is out of town on business and I sent my parents packing back to AZ at 9:30am this morning because I felt o.k. at that point in the day. My hope is that since Dr. Stokoe took me off the Xeloda, and I was already going to be on a break from it all of next week (yeah!) that by morning the pain I am feeling will be a distant memory.

I will close with a quick thank you to Holly for taking my sweet girl to and from gymnastics today; and to Tiffany for taking my Jacob for some playtime with his buddy Dillon. Ya’ll are awesome!

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 6:35 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What a great day I had, let me explain…

At 11am I showed up at Plano Presby to pick up my CAT SCAN pictures that I was to give the PET Scan tech. I am hungry, but managing o.k. By 12noon I was in the PET Scan mobile unit waiting for 45 minutes as the IV Meds ran through my entire body. At this point I am starving and I hear the techs contemplating where they want to get take out. They decide on Subway (I hear through the closed door) and I think to myself, “Good I’m watching my carbs, that doesn’t even sound good”. 30 minutes later I am still waiting to get on the PET Scan table and I hear the door open and one of the techs is back w/ lunch. They quickly get me into position and my 1-hour PET Scan begins.

DON’T move, hold your arms this way etc. etc., etc. and then it hit me…the most delicious smell…I think it was Taco Bell (or something equally bad for me) and it smelled DEVINE!! I laughed to myself because one of the ladies in my bible study group this morning prayed that my home would be peaceful and even the smells that I experienced this evening would bring me joy. LITTLE did she know! After being scanned for an hour with my arms above my head for 33 of those minutes (by the way I physically could not get my right arm above my head during the first PET Scan so that is a praise in and of itself) my PET Scan was completed at 2pm. I’d say I ran but that would be an overstatement, but I did walk briskly to my car and drove through the nearest McDonald’s and ordered myself a Fish sandwich w/ fries! By 2pm I could have cared less about my CARB intake…I just wanted a YUMMY fish sandwich. I think it took me all of 30 seconds to engulf both the sandwich and fries! I felt absolutely no guilt (until now when I read it…oh well, it was good at the time).

The kids had a great day at school. Both came home with cheerful hearts (a huge praise). My parents, Dave, the kids and I are running off to the Club for dinner. Not that I am hungry mind you since I just ate at 2pm, but the rest of the family is and they do have cheesecake at the club. I may even live on the edge and have a glass of wine. (Holly I know you must be smiling as you read this as you’ve been trying to convince me to have a glass since last Friday!)

The day ended with a smile. Literally! My dear friend & neighbor Kathy got her braces off this afternoon. After two years with braces & rubber bands etc. she now has the most amazing smile! Now her outside smile matches her inside, beautiful. I love ya my friend!

See, I told you it was a great day!

I feel so blessed. God has given me a great family, the most incredible kids, amazing friends and the love of our Lord in my heart! My prayer is that you do too.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, September 27, 2004 8:52 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Raise your hand if you prayed that God would help me manage the chemo side affects this round. But them down and put a smile on your face as they were answered! That is not to say that today was pain free. It wasn’t. My back definitely hurt. To be honest it really hurt last night, but I did my post at noon and it hadn’t started hurting at that point. That said, this round it did not hurt nearly as bad as it did last Monday. In fact, I was able to take and pick up Jacob from school, run a quick errand, and get my car washed (thru a car wash, come on you didn’t actually think I did it? HA!). That is a GREAT post-chemo Monday ya’ll. Thank you for your continued prayers they are so appreciated and needed.

Tomorrow is my PET Scan - so as of 6pm tonight no more caffeine, or sugar. Then after midnight no food at all. Hmm…my morning should be interesting. No coffee, no soda, no poptart, or power bar. Can you say grumpy!! The ladies in my bible study will be able to hear my tummy growl from across the room. Oh well, it’s only until 1pm and then I can have lunch. Last time I had to go the entire day with out eating. As Dave would say, “then this would be better then wouldn’t it?”. Those of you who fasted with me last round are breathing a sigh of relief right now aren’t you! Hee Hee.

I have an appointment on Friday with my surgeon Dr. David Hampe at 11am. At that point we will have the PET Scan results and will be discussing pre-surgery details (date, type etc.) I will update you Friday evening on our action plan.

Once again thank you to those who’ve help us by donating to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure breast cancer fundraiser that my sister is heading up. For those who haven’t had a chance the link is below, please take a moment to go on-line every bit helps. Thank you so much. A special THANKS to Jennie May and Linda Denning…You ladies ROCK!!!!!

Before I go I wanted to update you on our friends the Lung’s who have survived yet another hurricane in Florida. I would paraphrase her response but it just too funny. Christal I hope you don’t mind that I put your e-mail on my web page. Love you guys!

FROM CHRISTAL TO LYNN:
Dear Lynn and Dave,

God has protected us through another hurricane. He is so gracious to us!

Hurricane preparation has gotten pretty routine now. In fact, I completely ignored this one until the day before so I wouldn't get stressed out. Then it's get gas, take one last hot shower, fill the tubs with water, cart everything outside to the garage, install the plywood on the windows, chain down the slide on the swing set, check the supply of batteries, water, junk food, etc. Rick and I can do everything in half a day now.

Our power is back on, obviously. That generator we bought for the snow storms in Colorado (which, of course, we never needed) has come in quite handy in Florida. After our power comes back on, we lend it to someone else. In fact, someone's on their way over right now to borrow it.

We had no apparent damage to the house. Zack (her son) is actually disappointed - he wants one of the trees or the fence to blow over just so he has a story to tell. Both of our neighbors lost part of their fence. Some tile shingles on the house in back of us blew through our neighbors screen room and into their pool. Zack always likes counting the roof shingles that we find in our yard. So far, none have been from our house. I haven't driven anywhere today so I don't know what our neighborhood looks like this time. I spent today chopping up branches. I'm getting pretty handy with a chain saw.

We bought two of those head flashlights - the kind that fit on a strap around your head. We put then on the kids and let them run around. We didn't even need candles. They were in constant motion, lighting up the house! We get more and more efficient with each hurricane!

Thank you so much for your prayers. They are working. We continue to lift your family up in prayer as well. You guys are awesome! We love you! The Lungs

God is gracious indeed!!
Love to you all,
Lynn

Sunday, September 26, 2004 11:59 AM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

God is gracious, he is gracious indeed. I woke up this morning at 4:45am (my restoril wore off) and I had an hour in prayer time, then I thought hmmm… I really could catch another hour catnap before I need to get up to get ready for church…but I didn’t. My body was full of energy so I got up unloaded the dishwasher, made coffee for Dave and I, and hopped in the shower. The kids, Dave and I were all ready with no rushing around to head off to church at 8:25am. Can you believe it! I am so grateful because our Pastors Father (who is also a minister) spoke to us about settling for more in your service to God. It was fantastic! What an amazing speaker. It was the first time I had heard him speak and I’ll look forward to the next. I love that about our church, I always walk away with renewed faith, and energy.

Today I am torn in my emotions because as I sit and type to you I am over looking our pool, a beautiful lake, and the 16th green of our golf course. The view is spectacular and I am so grateful to enjoy it daily. However, my heart is heavy for our friends in Florida. It seems hurricane Jeanne is heading right for Orlando. Please pray for our dear friends the Lungs, our mini-church family the Cobb’s, and David’s friend Michelle, as they are all in Orlando. Pray that God protects them and their homes. Even better, pray that this hurricane takes an abrupt turn back out to the Atlantic Ocean sparing everyone in Florida any further devastation.

God has been so faithful to me through all my trials these past few weeks going into months and my prayer is that you are feeling that same faithfulness in your lives. He is here to help us, to love us, and guide us if we choose to let him. I pray that you do.

Love, Hugs, and Kisses to you and your family,
Lynn

Saturday, September 25, 2004 7:38 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What a great day God gave us in Dallas, TX today. We sat in mid 70degree weather with a slight breeze watching Jacob’s soccer game. It was a blast! The mighty Stingrays won 2 to 1. It was a VERY close game. Jacob didn’t score, but he did have an assist. He LOVES soccer. I think the biggest reason is that he LOVES Coach Scot & his teammates. What a blessing to be able to watch these boys play.

After some much needed FAMILY naptime our fun street had an impromptu party in our cul-de-sac from 4pm-6pm at which time the Newman family ran for cover (and dinner) at the first drop of rain. Of course that was pretty much all we got, but we were hungry and it was the quickest way to get our kids inside w/o a fuss. OH WAIT, that didn’t happen they BOTH threw complete fits and were banished to their rooms until Domino’s delivered our dinner. We have some tired kids on our hands and as I type this letter at 7:15pm they are both tucked snuggly in their beds for a much-needed early bed time this Saturday evening (those of you w/ small children are very envious that our kidos are in bed at 7:15pm…come on admit it! A couple years ago I’d be right there with ya.).

What a blessing to be on Shadow Ridge Court and to be able to visit w/ Holly, Todd, Kathy, Jim, Liza & Bryan for an all too short visit, and Todd’s nephew Brian. Our children discovered hide-and-go-seek this afternoon and it warmed my heart so much because I remember doing the exact same thing in our neighborhood at their age. How cool is that.

PHYSICAL UPDATE: For the most part I feel pretty good today. I have some tenderness in my back and I am tired, but it was a good day. Say a prayer that God will give me the strength to go to church tomorrow. That is my one goal for the entire day. Everything else can wait & my back can start hurting at 12pm. Just give me strength to go to church in the morning.

My pet scan is still on for Tuesday at 12pm. I should have the results no later than Friday of next week. I’ll update you then, but it looks like surgery will be around the 1st week of November (again this will be finalized once we have the PET Scan results). Say a prayer that my PET Scan goes perfectly. That it will pick up any and ALL cancer in my body so that the doctors have a clear picture of what we are dealing with. My hope is that it’ll be good news and that the Chemo regimen I am on is attacking my cancer, but if it has spread, or if it’s not shrinking the known tumor we need to know that so we can switch gears. My arm does not hurt as much so my instinct is that the Chemo is working. However, I hesitant to say that out loud for fear that I will set false hopes & the PET Scan will indicate otherwise. Time will tell…one thing is for certain…it is in Gods hands.

I will close with once again thanking those who’ve help us by donating to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure breast cancer fundraiser that my sister is heading up. For those who haven’t had a chance the link is below, please take a moment to go on-line every bit helps. Thank you so much.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Friday, September 24, 2004 9:13 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 8:30pm Friday night and once again my sweet girl is not in her bed as I type this letter to all of you. She has such a busy social calendar… her sweet friend Ashlynn (Holly’s little girl) thought it would be fun to have a sleep over at her house this evening. The night was amazing from what I hear. There was giggling, pizza, and Lion King 1 ½ . There was only one snag. Jacob was invited over for the movie and didn’t think it was such a hot idea that he had to come home when his big sister got to spend the night!!! Especially since Jay and Jack are HIS friends and they’d have FUN! NO FAIR!!!

Oh… I remember those days of being the youngest and having to wait to do certain things, like overnights. It’s hard to be 5! But Mommy and Jacob had a “discussion” about all the fun things that he gets to do and as he grows older he’ll be able to be attend sleepovers. Truth be told Holly felt horrible and if her twins didn’t have an 8am soccer game I think she would have conned me into letting him stay even though our rule is that you have to be 6 to sleep over at a friends house. Holly, don’t fret too much as Jacob would have lasted 30 minutes and asked if he could come home! Which given our close proximity would have been fine. But really, it is as it should be.

SO, about chemo. I went today. They stuck a needle in my arm, pumped some toxic medicine in my body, I ate a yummy bagel w/ cream cheese, sipped on a diet soda my sweet Suzanne brought me, and LAUGHED w/ my girlfriends…. A LOT! I love that about them. Today we had: My Mom, Holly, Kathy, Suzanne and Linda. What a group. We had fun. The best part was before we even entered the Chemo Lab I noticed a sign that read: LIMIT 1 Visitor at a time, & NO ALCOHOL!

Hmmm…do you think it’s a coincidence that we had Mimosa’s last week w/ 6 girls and the sign was up today? I think NOT!!! I LOVE that we are deemed the FUN troublemakers at the North Dallas Cancer Center. They LOVE us there! HA!

All 6 of us took over 2 cubicles for about half of my treatment today, eventually it trickled down to 3 as Holly was meeting her good friend who drove all the way down from Waco to have lunch with her and get her toes painted. Hmm…don’t they have salons in Waco? Yes, but NONE with Holly Crandell. Good call, I’d have made the drive too! Later Suzanne had to leave for an appointment, and eventually Kathy had to relieve her baby sitter. The event ended w/ Mom, Linda, and me. We polished off Linda’s yummy home-made brownies… IT WAS GREAT! Thank you ladies for praying, supporting and making me laugh today. I don’t know what I’d do with out you!

I came home to review the pictures that Leon took of the kids yesterday. Oh my gosh, they are so great! My Mom summed it up for me, “I’d be so much easier if you’d just send a couple. I ‘d love them, and I wouldn’t have to spend 4 hours contemplating positions, and smiles of 20 pages of beautiful pics! Thanks Leon and Motophoto Plano for making my choices so plentiful.

Dave arrived safely home from a quick business trip to Florida. He managed to escape before the next hurricane hit. I REALLY think our friends Rick and Christal should consider relocating ~ Florida is taking a beating this season. Please pray for their safety. We love you guys.

I guess that is about all I know. WAIT, I know one more thing…I have discovered a new favorite low-cal treat. Sugar Free Cream Cicle's ~ only 20 calories and no sugar. I LOVE THEM. YA’LL should try them (well those of us that are concerned with fitting into our fall wardrobe anyway).

Love to you all,
Lynn

P.S. Did you have lunch w/ a friend today? Or call? Or e-mail them? I was blessed to do all of those things today, I hope you were too. God grace is sufficient, it is sufficient indeed!

Lastly, I want to thank those who’ve help us by donating to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure breast cancer fundraiser that my sister is heading up. For those who haven’t had a chance the link is below, please take a moment to go on-line every bit helps. Thank you so much. (Deb & Missy…you rock!)

Thursday, September 23, 2004 8:19 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 8:00pm Thursday night and to be honest I contemplated if I had the energy to post this evening….it was a GREAT day, but as I geared up for Chemo tomorrow I had so much that I wanted, no needed, to accomplish. I was blessed to spend lunch with my sweet friend Suzanne. What a blessing to be able to sit and visit with good friends. If you can, call a friend tomorrow and do lunch, or at least talk on the phone ~ we women need that. We need to share, to laugh, and sometimes cry. Today we laughed A LOT! Thank you my friend, I needed that today.

The kids and I had a second visit to Leon our photographer this afternoon. There are so many moments I want to capture and time is slipping away from me. My children are growing up, it seems almost right before my eyes. How is it that my sweet girl is almost 7 and my baby is 5. How did that happen? I want to capture every moment. Leon thank you for blessing us with your precious time, your talent and your photography. You are amazing.

I just tucked Taylor and then Jacob in bed. We said prayers together and then my sweet Jacob proceeded to plant 25 kisses on me (12 on each cheek & 1 on my forehead). My last words before I closed their door was, “Mommy is tired, I am going to bed…sweet dreams”.

On my way to my room I stopped off to check my e-mail. I am so glad I did, my dear Friend Jenny Gwynn sent me the below poem and it touched my heart. I hope it touches yours.

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

The origin of this letter is unknown,

Love to you all,
Lynn

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 8:29 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What a difference a day can make. As predicted I feel a great deal better today than yesterday, and significantly better than Monday.

My day started early, as I felt well enough to actually get up, shower and pull myself together and take Taylor and her friend Julia to school. How weird is it that I actually WANT to get up to do these chores that I used to stress about. It’s funny how cancer can give you a new perspective.

Upon my return the Crandell’s were out in the cul-de-sac (at 8am mind you) riding bikes. Their day had begun and they wanted Jacob and I to join it. So…we did. Was he supposed to be getting ready for school? YEP! Did we…NO!! We played, talked and played some more. In all I suppose we were out there for nearly 2 hrs. The beauty of preschool ~ attendance doesn’t count! It was a beautiful day and we needed to enjoy it.

Since Jacob “ditched” school today he and Grandma thought it might be fun to make homemade chocolate chip cookies and banana bread. See what happens when grandma is in town…those overly ripe bananas would have been in my trash, but w/ her here I get banana bread. How great is that?

With Jacob and Mom baking, and Dad busy cleaning my windows (they’ve never looked better by the way) I got a chance to get my toes painted & run some errands (it wasn’t nearly as much fun w/o you Butt). I was so excited to be out that I forgot to take my Celebrex and paid the price big time. By 12pm my neck and back hurt and I came home for some lunch, meds and put myself to bed for a catnap. It helped. I felt better by 4pm.

We were blessed by the Florsheim’s this evening as Melanie prepared us chicken enchiladas, watermelon & chocolate chip pie! Come on Mel…you were the one who recommended the South Beach Diet ~ you’re killin’ me. HA! It was FABULOUS!!! Thank you so much!

I will have to make the most of tomorrow as I go in on Friday at 9am for the 2nd half of round #2. Please pray that I get a compassionate, experienced nurse.

My PET Scan has been scheduled for Tues Sept 28th at 12pm. Until then, please pray that the Taxotere and Xeloda chemo drugs continue to attack each and every cancer cell in my body.

Lastly, I want to thank those who’ve help us by donating to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure breast cancer fundraiser that my sister is heading up. For those who haven’t had a chance the link is below, please take a moment to go on-line every bit helps. Thank you so much.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 1:08 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It’s 12:47pm and I’ve just hugged my sister as she walks out the door to fly back to Hawaii. Everything in me says that she should stay, but the realist in me knows that her job, and her life are in Hawaii…for now. I take solace in the notion that God has a plan for each of us and my hope is that her plan will someday include living in Frisco, TX.

In the meantime, I will hold tight to the amazing memories that we’ve created every moment of each day that she was here. I am wearing my “Sevens” in honor of you today Butt! I look forward to you coming back sometime before Christmas. How’d you like to celebrate your birthday in Dallas? October 15th isn’t that far off and I have Chemo that day so it would be a party to remember. HA!

O.k. I need to switch topics as I my mascara is running and ya’ll know how I am about that….

NEWMAN NEWS FLASH!!! My sister-in-law Tami gave birth to TWINS last night. One girl, Anessa and one Boy, Moses. Mom and both babies are doing great! Gail and Dean are beside themselves and I am anxiously awaiting photos as I’ve heard the babies are SO cute! Praise God for two healthy babies!

As far as my health: I am doing better today. My pain is still there, but it is more manageable. I am still tired and a little dizzy, but not as bad as yesterday. I expect that by tomorrow I will be back to my old self. Two days to party it up before we head back for chemo on Friday. Holly just called and invited me to Sushi with some ladies from the church tonight…given what I just recapped I think I just might go! How can I turn down Sushi?

Thank you all for all your love, concern, and support. If you get a chance PLEASE go to my sisters Susan G. Komen race for the cure breast cancer web page. We need your help to us reach our fundraising goal. The link is at the bottom of this page. Thanks so much for your help.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Monday, September 20, 2004 1:02 PM CDT

Dear Friends & Family,

Sunday September 19, 2004

Yesterday was a good day. I was able to go to church, which was my one goal for the day. It was great. Our pastor Pete Briscoe’s mother (who is a published author, mother of 3, and a pastor’s wife) spoke to us on settling for more in our parenting. What a dynamic speaker. My heart needed to hear her and I am grateful that God gave me the strength to attend.

To no ones surprise my body has started to respond to Friday’s Chemo. By yesterday afternoon I was exhausted and put myself in bed w/ a heating pad. Last night we were blessed by the Pulley’s with an amazing meal & yummy pear pie. Sheryl is an amazing cook. Holly you were right it was worth it to save my carbs the entire day so that I could enjoy Sheryl’s dessert it was terrific! Thank you so much Sheryl and Brian.

The kids had another great day with Auntie Terri and Grandma as they went to see Benji at the theater. I was told it was adorable, and I was sorry to have missed it. Taylor and I got to spend some QT together coloring while Dave and Jacob went to the driving range. So all and all the day was good. It ended w/ me in bed by 8:45pm.

Monday September 20, 2004

Today on the other hand…not so good. I am feeling the full affects of the Taxotere, and it will most likely be worse tomorrow. Dave lovingly reminded me that if I didn’t feel anything then the Chemo wouldn’t be doing its job. It is all about perspective. I know, I know…I am just weary of being sick. Ya’ll know what that feels like. But there is always Gods grace here’s how he touched me today.

My friend Pam called this morning to say that she’d be glad to take Taylor to school (we carpool when I am feeling good). She must have heard it in my voice that I was not feeling well because I got a call from her around 11am to ask if it would be o.k. if she dropped “something by”. I hesitated because I was the only one home and looked awful (REALLY…no shower, no make up, bed head…the works!) But she insisted that if I leave the door unlocked that she’d leave it on my kitchen island. I agreed. At 11:30 she arrived w/ her sweet voice to say that she left a basket on my counter. I simply had to get up to thank her, not even knowing what the basket consisted of. Still quite embarrassed I rose from my bed to hug her neck and after she left I discovered that she had made me home-made Chicken noodle soup (her first batch I later learned), Dallas Shopping Magazine, a sweet novel, flowers, low carb crackers…and here is the best part LOW CARB Jelly Beans!!! For those that don’t know I lost 7-lbs (my chemo weight from last year) via South Beach Diet. Although I am not officially on it now, she knows that I am still watching my carbs! Pam you are so thoughtful!!!

God’s Grace is sufficient…it is indeed!

Tomorrow will be yucky but WEDNESDAY I will be BACK ON TRACK!!

Love ya my friends & Family!

Saturday, September 18, 2004 10:22 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Based on the timing of last nights post you probably guessed that I didn’t get a lot of sleep last evening. But what sleep I did get was peaceful and sound. Dave and I woke up to Jacob asking when it was time for his soccer game? I guess he was just a little excited to get out there and score his 4 goals. Well… he fell short of his target but he did score 2 goals and Dave and I were SO proud!! What a great team of boys and coaches we have! GO STINGRAYS!!

Taylor had so much fun last night at her sleep over at JennyGwynn’s. Jenny I can’t wait to see the video of the girl’s karaoke. Sounds like a good time was had by all (excluding the fit Avery had this morning. I think it is funny that you have it on tape so you can blackmail her with it as a teenager! HA!!!)

My Sister and Dad took off at the crack of dawn to drive to Ft. Worth for a car show. Not my cup of tea so I passed on that opportunity but they said they had a ball. How cool is it that they got to spend the day just the two of them.

David is currently watching the Ryder Cup ~ the same golf tournament that his two buddies Todd and Jim are at! Those lucky guys. I hope you both are having an awesome guys week- end. Come home safely, we miss you all ready.

Since Todd is out of town, Holly has decided that it is Girls movie night at the Crandell’s. We will head over there at 8pm (after our lump of Gold’s are snuggly tucked in their beds for the evening) for a night of fun, fellowship, and wine (excluding myself~darn chemo). I can’t wait!

Later this evening my sister took the kids to see the Plano Balloon festival. WOW! What a site. Taylor and Jacob are convinced they saw Hillary Duff (a.k.a. Lizzie McGuire). Oh, and the Hot air balloons were cool too. Terri you spoil them rotten! I LOVE that about you Auntie Terri!

My neighbors Liza and Bryan blessed us with dinner this evening. I am so excited, Liza is an amazing cook here was the menu: Cuban spiced pork tenderloin, soffrito rice, grilled veggies, black bean & mango salsa & watermelon marinated in honey, cinnamon and some other yummy things that my chemo brain won’t allow me to remember! I’ll tell you what it is a far cry from the PBJ sandwich that I would have prepared for myself tonight. Ya’ll are so kind. What great neighbors I have.

Regarding my physical condition. For the most part today was good. I hit a wall around 6:30pm but took my Celebrex and around 8pm I started feeling better. I hope to make it to church tomorrow, time will tell. Say a prayer that God gives me the strength to make it it's about not settling for less as a parent. I really want to be there.

Love to you all,
Lynn

P.s. Congrats to my cousin Jeremy who got married this evening! I am sure it was a beautiful ceremony…I wish I could have been there. Send me some pics if you get a chance.

p.s.s. I am too tired to proof read this so ya'll will have to forgive my type o's tonight. XOXO!

Friday, September 17, 2004 10:25 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 11:00pm as I write this e-mail and you’d think I’d be exhausted after Chemo this morning, but in fact I am not. God graced me with a team of spiritual warriors that surrounded me in love from the moment I woke.

I woke up at 5am, for those of you that get up this early I am sorry :( but for me that is VERY early…I believe God was waking me from my slumber so that we could chat. And chat we did. I prayed for Strength, and positive attitude as I went into Chemo today. I also prayed over each of the ladies that were going with to support me today as it can be an intimidating, even daunting environment. I prayed that God would allow them to see beyond the Chemo lab and the men and women that were there and simply focus on our journey. My prayers were answered 10 fold. As my friend Holly says, “God’s grace is sufficient for what we need.” It is indeed!

I was blessed with a wonderful Chemo Nurse named Rose today. Rose was patient, kind, & meticulous in choosing my vein as I had expressed that I did not want a port. As such she simply had to find a viable vein. She did…it took a while, and hurt for a bit, but she did and I am so grateful. I was even more grateful when I received my joy juice as when it kicks in the process becomes silly. Holly says when it kicks in I start talking REALLY loud. I can’t imagine that. Hmm… me reacting oddly to drugs. Given my lack of exposure to them as a teenager I REALLY react to them. In fact Dave tells a story that when I went in for surgery last year I became an evangelizer to the anesthesiologist inquiring if he were a Christian etc. etc. as Dave tells the story I was trying hard to convert this half Christian half Jewish doctor to Christianity. Funny how God uses us at times isn’t it?

But I digress. Chemo was FUN again today thanks to my Sister, my mother, and my 2 sweet friends Holly and Suzanne. Holly and I decided that we needed to have Mimosa’s during Chemo today. I had the cups, the O.J. but no Champaign ~ Suzanne to the rescue!! She stopped on the way and picked up a cold bottle and we toasted to my 2nd round of Chemo and to good friends and family! We have a great picture of it that I’ll try to get Suzanne to send me & I’ll load it on my web site. As if that weren’t enough we all through our low-carb diets out the window and snacked on the most divine treats that Holly and my Mom made. Holly brought her homemade banana bread, and my mom made Special K Bars with a melted chocolate chip layer on top. Suzanne opted for Sun Flower Seeds…what’s up with that Girlfriend? That’s a little healthy don’t you think? Oh, wait, she also jumped in and indulged on the other yummy treats too! O.K. you’re off the hook!

After Chemo Terri reminded me that I needed to be consuming a lot of water so as to not get dehydrated. I get so sick of plain water ~ so she suggested adding some limes or cherry flavor etc…off to Target for our daily obligatory visit. How would they ever stay in business if it weren’t for us? I waited in the car as I was too tired to walk the store. It ended up being a good thing because Leon called from Motophoto and said that my CD was ready for the picture you are seeing on the top of my web page. Thank you so much Motophoto Plano for generously allowing us to use this picture on my web page. Leon, it is a beautiful shot and I feel blessed that my friends and family can enjoy it as much as I do.

Back to my target story. Terri picked up these carbonated water bottles w/ cherry flavor so I cracked one open on the spot. Keep in mind that I have on my new “7” Seven jeans that I just bought from Nordy’s. They are a bit pricy, but SO CUTE!…we’ll the silly bottle fizzes up and spills all over my jeans, my Lexus OH MY! I had quite a mess on my hands. Dave would probably retort, “Well that’s what you get with an inferior product” HA! He’s probably right.

Excluding our little trip to Target to grab some necessities this was our FIRST non-shopping day since Terri arrived. OHH…Frisco’s economy took a hit. I think they’d better brace themselves as now that I’ll be down for a few days it’s going to get ugly.

My sweet girl is not in her bed as I type this e-mail. She was blessed to be invited to spend the night at her friend Sydney’s house (my friend JennyGwynn’s daughter). I spoke to Jenny earlier this evening and she said they were having the best time. They sang Karaoke, they ate popcorn w/ skittles and M&M’s (Auntie Terri you’ve been one up’d) they had Crab races (don’t ask…Jenny will buy you a crab for a pet…you don’t want to temp her!) The night ended with the girls snuggling down to watch Princess Diary 1. At one point Taylor actually says to Jenny, “WOW we don’t get to do things like this at my house.” JENNY, thanks for making me look bad! HA! Really thank you for going out of your way to make that time special for Taylor and your girls.

For fear that you think Jacob felt left out, I assure you he was not. HE had a play date with his friend Jacob Florsheim (my friend Melanie’s son) the boys are on the same soccer team. He had a blast! Apparently they have really COOL toys at the Florsheim’s. He also got to go w/ them to soccer practice and Daddy and Grandpa met him there to watch him play. He scored a goal ~ and is quick to point out that it was the ONLY goal scored. He is so humble. Tomorrow he plans to score 4 at his game.

Auntie Terri scored brownie points today by playing Pac Man with Jake. Unless he plays with David, playing video games with Jake means watching HIM play. But tonight he let Auntie Terri play and was amazed at how good she was, “because you know girls aren’t so good at video games you know,” says my 5 year old. HA!

The night ended with my family and I playing card games. In Minnesota were it’s kinda cold A LOT my parents used to enjoy playing cards with their family and friends. (What else are you going to do when you’re stuck in side w/ -33degree temp?) Oh, wait I have a lot of loving family members that’ll probably take issue with that description, I’d better save my self by saying that although it is a bit cold, they do have great foot ball…o.k. am I off the hook? Go VIKINGS!) We played 10, 9, 8 as well as Huckley Buck. Terri, Dave and I have no idea what the rules are and we all assumed that Mom and Dad were making them up as they went. At one point Terri got on her cell phone and called my Dad’s brother Larry to confirm if Mom was cheating or not. She wasn’t (darn…she’s always so good).

So that’s my day. Started out with some Chemo ~ that we quickly turned into a party and ended with a party playing cards with my family. I hope you also had a blessed day.

PRAYER REQUESTS & UPDATE:
Please pray that the Chemo is attacking every cancer cell in my body as we speak! I found out today that I would need a total of 6 rounds not 3 (which equals 12 visits as they are half rounds) so please pray that my veins can with stand this. I really don’t want a port! I am now officially half done with the series that I’ll do before surgery and then they’ll give me a break and I’ll complete the other rounds post surgery. My repeat PET Scan will be scheduled for 2 weeks from Wed or Thurs. They’ll call me w/ details. Once we receive that information then we’ll better know what our surgery action plan is. Dr. Stokoe seemed optimistic today. I’ll leave it at that. “God Grace is sufficient for what we need.” It is indeed.

In His Grip
Lynn

Thursday, September 16, 2004 8:35 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 8pm as I write this entry and I am going to try to be brief as it is my last night to spend with my sister before I go in for Chemo tomorrow at 11:30am. We had a great a great day running around and it ended with Dave, Terri and me at our favorite restaurant Japon Sushi. It was devine, alittle Kirin (Japanese beer), a scallop volcano roll (don’t worry it’s cooked), David on one side of me and my sister on the other. Isn’t’ life grand? The only thing better would be if ya’ll were there with us!

My friend Melanie told me that the night before she went in for each of her Chemo treatments she’d try and make it special because you know your not going to feel well for the next few days…Mel I think we managed to pull that off today.

So, today was better. God graced me with many answered prayers. Thank you my friends for your support and prayers they mean more than you know. That said, I’ll share that I have been experiencing tingling on my head today. Not all over like last year, but rather a tingle here, and then there…so on & so on. As you can imagine it makes my heart hurt to think of loosing all my hair again as this was my biggest mental challenge last year. For the men that may be reading this, don’t bother trying to understand because you can’t. It’s not your fault…it’s a girl thing. We just don’t pull off the bald look as well as you. Please pray that my hair will only thin ~ and in the same breath pray that if the Chemo will only work if it’s strong enough to kill my hair follicles then so be it. I have tears in my eyes as I write that…but it is what it is. God give me strength & courage!

For some reason, probably because I feel the tingling in my scalp, the upbeat mood I had last round is not with me presently. Please pray that God will calm my fears and give me peace. Most importantly pray that this medicine is attacking each and every cancer cell in my body. This has to work, the alternative is not acceptable.

I am so grateful for this past week. It has been pure bliss. I have laughed, cried a little, felt some fear, but mostly joy. I have been to Six Flags w/ my kids, husband & sister. I got to experience fellowship at my women’s bible study and the men and women in our mini-church. I have an amazing husband who has allowed me to shop til’ I dropped (literally) as he knows it my vice & cares not what I buy, but if I am happy. I have enjoyed the company of my parents & sister. I have lived every moment. What a blessing to live in every moment. Try it…it’s amazing.

Love to you all.
Lynn

p.s. I miss ya Hol!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004 11:54 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It is 11:45pm and I am 45 minutes into taking my Restoril sleeping meds so my eyes are half closed as you read this. That said, if you see a lot of typo’s etc. please forgive me as I am too tired to spell check.

As usual the Berg girls had a great day together. We hit Target 3 times because Terri just couldn’t make up her mind on all the cute things she “needed”. Later we were able to just sit & talk over lunch at Macaroni Grill. What a treat. I’m still praying that we’ll convince her that Dallas is the place to live. HA! She said she’d think about it someday. What a blessing it has been having her here. Although I must admit that I am exhausted as our days have been full. I feel as though I must take full advantage of every minute she is here. Each minute creates a memory that I will treasure forever.

Tonight we had the opportunity to attend Mini-Church. I am so grateful that I was healthy and had the strength to go this evening. My sweet Suzanne had arranged for each couple to bring me a small bouquet of flowers ~ those that spoke to their heart. I had yellow roses for friendship, amazing flowers from Lori’s garden, I’d go on but I honestly couldn’t do it justice. It is so beautiful and so special because they are from each of you given in adoration. The days following chemo will be filled with the beauty of your love and kindness. Thank you, you are all such a blessing in my life.

I have to say that my sweet Holly showed up with her beautiful flowers (to no ones surprise) but she also gave me this card that I must share. Picture this on the front of the card…A stylish woman (sunglasses to boots) with two LARGE shopping bags, one in each hand. The caption read “My idea of being well-balanced”. HONEY I have been LIVIN’ by that motto ever since my sister has arrived! HA! LOVED IT.

O.k. it is time to put away the humor and get real. I have the first half of my second round of Chemo on Friday around 11:30am. The truth of the matter is that I am nervous. My mother-in-law who has attended each and every round this year and last is a retired nurse. She is the one that ensures that I get the help I need & comforts me when they actually begin the administering of the chemo. This round she will not be there. However, she is exactly where she should be and that is at the side of her daughter Tami who will be delivering twins any day. (We can’t wait for arrival of those sweet babies Tami!!!) That said, please pray that I get an experienced nurse that will be able to find a good vein for the Taxotere Chemo. Pray that this medicine is killing my cancer because there are days that the fear that it is not is overwhelming.

Please pray for my family. Specifically David, that God would give him strength, and calm his fears. I’d like to say that we are both fine, even optimistic all the time. But the truth is that there are days that is not the case. Today was one of those days.

Please pray that God continues to bless me with the gift of strength. Pray that my team of Doctors will have wisdom, and that that some good will come from this journey. Pray that God will make his will known to me.

I appreciate your loving journal entries more than you can know. If you are reading this web site please take the time to post a journal entry. So many people have thanked me for taking the time to post. It is such a blessing to read your words of encouragement and fun stories.

Please take the time to visit the Susan G. Komen web page my sister has set up in my name. If you feel led, please donate to this cause. The research they find may save my life, and it will most certainly save the lives of future breast cancer patients.

http://www.active.com/donate/phoenix/walkers4knockers

I will close with that as I am out of words.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 6:56 AM CDT

Monday September 13, 2004

Dear Family & Friends,

Well let me just start by saying…. that my sister looks and is feeling wonderful. I can prove it by showing you my shopping receipts since I have been here…. She has contributed to each of them!!!!! I am taking the honor of posting to her web-site tonight (thanks Butt!).

Let me start by asking you all to go to our donation web site. The Race for the Cure is coming up. Our team name is once again “Walkers 4 Knockers”. We like to break our fund raising record of last year. Please log in and contribute. The web site is:

http://www.active.com/donate/phoenix/walkers4knockers

I arrived from Hawaii on Friday. Lynn and Jacob greeted me at the airport. What a joyful site! Lynn looks truly amazing and so do you Jacob, my favorite boy! We went straight to the house so that I could unpack and immediately get ready, we had a date for the 6-flags amusement park….. Oh, my… I’d been flying all night

Prior to leaving for the amusement park, as Jacob and I awaited Taylor from school, I played a game of Parcheesi with him. Jacob was the “tigers” and I was the “elephants”. Of course he won…. But there were “MANY” rules that applied (or did NOT apply) just to Jacob. Beware when you play game boards with a 5-year old!!!

Off we went to 6 Flags. What a blast. Jacob and Taylor were riding the BIG rides. Lynn and I needed to get our strength to go with them! But we made it! It was very fun and the kids did wonderful. What a wonderful time had by all.

OK… that was all on Friday. On Saturday, we went to Jacob’s first soccer game. Little Jake’s team won. Auntie Terri was so proud! Then we came home and hung out. Later that day we watched “Lion King 2”, or at least the kids did. Auntie fell asleep. But we did have popcorn with Skittles…. The kids love that!

On Sunday, we attended church (Lynn has already posted about this). Church was wonderful. However, the butt sisters were spotted in church! What a riot. Next siting will be Nordstrom (I hope). After church, we just hung out, watched TV and ate good food.

Today is Monday….. I am worn out. The day began with us eating chocolate pop-tarts in Lynn’s bed. What a treat for me and the kids, we made a mess. Lynn did not seem to care, she was right there with us. While we were eating pop-tarts in bed, Taylor colored a wonderful picture of a heart. She signed it to “But and But”! How cute. To the two butt sisters. How innocent we are, “but” instead of “butt”. We let Taylor and Jacob know that this is just a nickname that we call each other. Hopefully the point was well received.

Then the fun began, family pictures. You can imagine with “3” Berg girls, this is a difficult feat. Everything has to be just perfect. All of us had “WHITE” shirts and tan shorts/capri’s. Oh, my…… We were to meet the photographer at the Stonebriar Country Club at 10:30am. So we did. However, the lighting was not just right. So Lynn, the photographer, and the kids go marching off down toward the 10th hole. They wanted to find just the right spot for our pictures. Let me just let you that there was a tournament going on. Lynn did NOT care. She was finding just the place to have the pictures that she wanted. Dad and Dave were having a fit that she was interfering with golf play, especially since a tournament was going on. Finally, I thought, Terri…. go get your sister and bring her back to the club house…. Otherwise you may witness something you do not want to see….. So, I got the “crazy” group back to the clubhouse and we found a great spot to take pictures. Hopefully, we will see the proofs tomorrow!

During pictures, Lynn messed up her “PERFECT” toe polish. So, my toes look better than her toes! Butt, we need to touch your toes up! Mine still look marvelous J

Then the 3 Berg girls went shopping. We left Grandpa at home with Jacob, and the two boys were on their own to pick up Taylor from school. First stop for the girls, Sam Moon. This is a fabulous shop ( I heard about it from Taylor). They have purses, jewelry, and luggage. Oh my….. I got into lots of trouble. Best buy there, a Louis Vitton suitcase. Beautiful. Then we were off to Nordstrom. I have truly arrived on the mainland. I took in the air…. there is nothing like it. Then the shopping began. I forgot how there is nothing like the price tags also!!! After my first purchase at Nordstrom, I HAVE TRULY ARRIVED ON THE MAINLAND!

Then mom and I met Lynn back down at the Nordy’s jewelry counter. She had several “bling bling” items picked out. We all settled on one fabulous necklace. Thanks Bo Tai!!! She loves it! It is a “Lori Bonn” necklace (do not confuse it with something from Sam Moon). Lynn looks so wonderful with that “bling bling”!!!! On our way out of Nordstrom, I spotted these great rain bags that they have at the door. Just in case of rain. What a great idea. They need these bags in Hawaii. I grabbed a few. Don’t let Lynn tell you any different.

We all got home and had a wonderful dinner out by the pool. What a fabulous evening. We saw a crane perched on the fireplace (outside), big frogs “doing it” in the pool, and fire flies. What a night! I think we are going to have a billion tadpoles in the pool – Wow!

As we sat outside, Lynn and I enjoyed a couple glasses of wine. Or…. Suzanne Cobb, was it Coors Light? We are very classy girls. Guess we opted for the Coors Light tonight. You’d have been so proud!!!

Tomorrow, we are doing the shopping thing all over again. “Seven” jeans, lunch and who knows what else. Lynn, remember…. David said you could get 4 pairs of the “Seven” jeans. We are gonna be soooooo cute. After shopping, I am in for a lesson with Jacob. He is going to teach me how to play “Pac Man”. Hopefully I can maintain a little dignity.

As I sign off tonight, I’d like to thank Lynn for the opportunity to post to her web site. Also, say a prayer that Lynn’s hair doesn’t fall out. Seems to be the biggest thing weighing on her mind! Take care and God Bless!

Lynn’s loving sister,
Terri

Sunday, September 12, 2004 8:05 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It’s Sunday and it’s another BEAUTIFUL day in Texas. I think God is on my team these days as we’ve had the most amazing weather ever since my parents got to town. I am trying to convince them that it is a good idea to move here and given the weather we’ve had since they’ve arrived I think they are considering it. We’ll see. They have some amazing friends and family in Arizona so it may be a hard sell. (Say a prayer in my favor o.k.)

We all got up early (even Auntie Terri who couldn’t fall asleep until 3am as her body is still on Hawaii time) and went to church. We are blessed to have an amazing minister, and today his sermon was on not settling for less in your marriage. WOW! It was awesome. We laughed, cried, and walked away with a renewed outlook. Thank you Pete, and a special thank you to Cynthia and her husband who shared their testimony today. We ended with Cynthia singing Amazing Grace, and then with our choir and the congregation singing Shout to the Lord. It brought tears to my eyes. What a blessing to hear her sing again. I’ve missed her voice and look forward to hearing her again soon.

Later that afternoon Holly called, as Ashlynn was hoping that Taylor could come over and play. Did you ever have a best friend growing up that the day just didn’t seem complete if you didn’t get to play? That is our girls. It is so sweet and I am so grateful that they have each other. Jacob was asleep when Taylor went over to Ashlynn’s and he got his nose out of joint when he woke up and she was at the Crandell’s. HE wanted a play date too! I quickly called over to Kathy’s and asked if Lili could come over and play. The two of them played, and played and played. Tanner, Jay and Jack you’d better watch out I think Jacob is getting a leg up on you regarding that future romance with Lili. HA! (You’ll have to read Holly & Nancy Jacobson’s journal entries from last night to fully understand that inside joke.) Needless to say the kids had a great day.

With David, Terri, Mom & Dad here to watch over Jacob and Lili I was able to attend a baby shower my friend Lisa. She is being induced on Friday and looks amazing. I’ll tell you, it’s a good thing I was pregnant in Colorado because I could never hold a candle to these pretty & petit pregnant ladies in Dallas. The shower was hosted at my friend Deena’s house, and it was just beautiful. Believe it or not Dave and I looked at buying Deena’s house 3 years ago when we moved to Dallas but didn’t see her vision. She has spent the past 3 years completely renovating this house and it is amazing. Now that she has put up the final custom drapes in her bedroom she and her husband have to sign papers allowing someone else to enjoy the fruits of their vision and labor as he was offered a job in Minneapolis that he simply couldn’t turn down. She is so dear and we Stonebriar girls will miss her greatly. She promises that they will be back in Dallas someday and we will all look forward to having them home.

My day concluded with Taylor and I coloring in my bed, as I was too tired to do much else. At one point she turned to me and said, “Mommy, I like coloring with you” my response was, “I do too sweet girl”. I hope all of you got to spend some time “coloring” with your kids today. That time is precious and often we forget that it’s not the “things” they desire it’s our undivided attention. Sometimes God teaches us through our children; today my 6-½ year old taught me about priorities.

I hope your day was a blessed one, I know mine was.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Saturday, September 11, 2004 8:24 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Today was such a fun day. Jacob had his first soccer game, and his team (the Stingrays) WON! Yeah!! Each child got a badge from Coach Scot. Jacob got one for bravery because he took a hit to the head while going after the ball. He shed a couple tears but got right back in there. Later he got to be goalie and did an awesome job ensuring that the other team didn’t score a goal on his watch. I was so proud.

Taylor got to spend the day with her friend Ashlynn. Her brothers also play soccer and she decided that it would be a lot more fun to bring a friend along for her entertainment. The girls had a blast and Holly and I have decided that this is definitely the way to go for our future Saturday soccer days w/ the boys.

Mom, Terri and I were able to escape for a bit this afternoon. Ya’ll be glad to know that Terri now has pretty red toes. Whoosh…they needed it. And with our family pictures scheduled for Monday I was getting a bit concerned that we might have to encourage a closed toe shoe for her. HA! Just kidding Butt. We also were able to hit a couple shops so we did our part to ensure that the economy remains healthy.

Currently Auntie Terri, Taylor, Jacob and Grandma are ALL snuggled on the couch watching Lion King 2 eating popcorn with Skittles. Why Skittles you ask? Well it is a tradition that Auntie Terri started a couple years ago in Phoenix and ever since the kids are convinced that when she is in town their popcorn must have Skittles in it or it has been prepared wrong.

I passed on the popcorn w/ Skittles, but only because Terri “lovingly” purchased a treat for me at Target as we made our daily obligatory stop this afternoon. She discovered Reese’s LOW CARB Peanut Butter Cups. Only 1 Carb. Gotta like that! They were YUMMY, so naturally I ate both cups. Kathy, they really were good, unlike the low carb Cheetoes that I made you try this afternoon that you agreed w/ my mother tasted like dirt. Hmmm…I’ve got to admit that I’ve gotten used to them. I guess when you’ve not had the real thing for so long anything with a little cheesy taste will do. I wonder if that will affect whether or not ya’ll will believe me that the Reeses’ really were good? My credibility has probably been tainted.

Dave is doing his best to contain his excitement as his mighty Buffaloes squeaked out a win this afternoon. Apparently the game was “painful to watch” as he puts it. But I told him “a W is a W” so get over it and be happy. He currently has a “beverage” in hand and is enjoying yet another football game on his Direct TV Sunday Ticket so life is good.

As for me ~ life is grand. I have a great family, amazing friends and 5 more days with no chemo. I plan to make the most of it.

Love to you all.
Lynn

Friday, September 10, 2004 10:53 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

So, my sister arrived today at 12:30pm and already she’s stirring up trouble. Jacob & Taylor have been bouncing off the walls ever since she’s arrived. She brought the kids each a Hawaiian Lei, not of flowers as you might think but of CANDY! She didn’t need to bring anything else because that was novel enough. But as usual, she spoils us and we all totally scored! The only down side is that I am now officially 2 lbs heavier because she brought caramel popcorn w/ macadamia nuts and I polished off half the can in about 10 minutes. Thanks Butt!

We added to the kid’s excitement by convincing auntie Terri (after her 9 hour plane ride) to join us for the Frito-Lay Six Flags night. We spent the evening dragging her on all the rides the kids could get on for 3 ½ hours! It was a blast. We feared that my Jacob would not be able to stomach some of the more daring rides (as a couple months ago he wouldn’t even sit on the horses that go up and down on the Merry-Go-Round) but he surprised us all by going on all but one ride that my daring Taylor selected. The only one he decided against was the one that was like the Floom…you know Jacob and getting wet. Come on it would ruin his cool look! Truth be told both Terri and I opted out of that ride for the same reason. HA! We had so much fun & took lots of pictures. I’ll try to get some developed this century and get them on the web site. I am not nearly as timely as our Holly. But I’ll try.

We finally got home around 10pm and I’ve tucked my sweet children in bed for the night. My prayer is that they sleep in late! We are all exhausted ~ but in a good way.
I can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Thursday, September 9, 2004 9:26 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It’s 8:20pm and I am wrapped snuggly in my pretty pink robe writing to you. My first inclination is to say that today was glorious, and indeed it was. However, I must admit that it started out a bit rocky. The good news is that it ended great. Let me explain…

Last night I got the news that the two sweet children that Holly and I have been praying for are struggling right now. Both have Acute Myeliod Leukemia (AML). Sammy, who is 3 ½ has under gone chemo, radiation, and a bone barrow transplant. He was able to go home a couple weeks ago and we all thought he was cured. He is suddenly back in the hospital with what is either GVHD or an infection. Tests are being preformed to determine which it is. The other sweet angel is 9 month on Allie. Allie also has AML and after her heroic 5-month battle with this disease the doctors and her parents finally determined that this sweet girl has exhausted all medical resources and her future is now in God’s hands.

My mother, and mother in law have both told me they wish they could take my cancer for me. They wish they could endure the pain, and take away my fear. When I read updates from Dana, and Jenny on their websites I understand how my mothers could feel that way as I know each of you would take this cancer from Sammy and Allie if only you could. I would do the same for Taylor or Jacob. Therein lies my heavy heart. So I need your help.

Please pray for these two sweet souls. Pray that God takes away their pain, their fears, and brings peace & healing to both of these families.

That is what kept me up last night. That is why my day started out a bit rocky…however it did turn around. Let me explain.

Today I was able to spend the day with my Mom. Just the two of us. We shopped, we had lunch, and we talked. It was wonderful. In the middle of lunch I received a call from a dear friend Pam who mentioned that I looked a bit tired this morning when she picked up Taylor for school. I’d make a joke, but I really was, and I am sure I did. She wanted to know if it would be o.k. if she dropped dinner by our house. Amazing how God takes care of me isn’t it. Not really, he takes care of all of us if we allow him. Thank you Pam for blessing us this evening w/ dinner it was fabulous! And you were right, I was tired.

Later in the afternoon we had an impromptu party in our cul-de-sac. Holly, Kathy, me, and our 9 kids. Then Pam showed up with dinner and we convinced her that she and her 2 girls needed to stay and play. And a bit later our friend Lori and her 2 kids drove up to the park and when we weren’t there she joined us in the circle. So there we were, 5 Texas ladies, 13 kids and 4 glasses of white wine (I had my water…always the good patient….wait until next week when I don’t have chemo and I’ll be joining in on the fun!).

At this point I know all of you reading this were wishin’ that you lived in our neighborhood so you could party w/ us. I don’t blame you we have A LOT of fun!

The Newman clan finally had to bail on the party as my in-laws pulled up in their new “ride” and we had to check it out. VERY cool new car Newman’s I have 3rd row seat envy. We had a great visit w/ them. They leave at 4am tomorrow to drive to Colorado as my sister-in-law is delivering TWINS any day! One boy, one girl (we think…but we heard a nasty rumor that Anessa has testies…let’s hope not! Taylor doesn’t want to be the only girl cousin!).

Thanks to all of you for your continued “SMILE” e-mails I LOVE them. I hope you all are taking the time to read to posts from my friends. They are VERY funny! Keep them coming today I got to laugh out loud 11 times. Thank you my friends… I needed to laugh today.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 7:12 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

As my husband says, “It’s a beautiful day in Texas, what more is there to say”. Just this…It was a balmy 82degrees, the sun was shining, and we had just the slightest of breeze in Dallas today. Truly it was exquisite. If you live here I hope you took the time to enjoy it, if you don’t I hope my description did it justice.

After I dropped the Jacob off at school I got to go get my toes painted (JennyGwynn I thought of you!) and make a quick spin through Sam Moon (for those who don’t live in Texas it is THE place to go for fashion jewelry on a budget). As if that weren’t enough I got to spend some time visiting with my girlfriends both at Jacob’s school, and later at park at the end of our block.

I feel great, I got to go shopping, and I still have my hair…What a glorious day!

As I sat in the carpool line waiting to pick up Taylor it occurred to me that I have so many of you checking in on me and to be honest I almost feel silly posting when I feel this good. For the next 9 days I don’t have Chemo, the fog has all but cleared, and with the exception of the fun stories I’ll be able to share about the trouble my sister is going to get me into, the next week and a half will be kinda…well, normal.

SO, here is my thought. For everyone who logs in I challenge you to actually take a minute to post on my journal. I would LOVE to know what is going on in your world. Tell me each day you log on what was the one thing that made you smile that day. It could be funny story, it could be (if you are David Newman) that you actually slept through then entire night and you actually feel rested. What ever it is, I really want to know. I would love to hear how God is making you smile, because each time I hear from each of you it makes me smile.

I hope all of you had as great of a day as I did.
Love to you all!
Lynn

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 4:14 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

I have to giggle when I read all the responses to my sister’s journal entries. She is without a doubt the funny one in the family! So here the is story behind the “Butt” nickname.

When I was young, around 5 I think, my mother threatened me that if I didn’t stop complaining when she combed my long blonde locks she was going to take me to cut them off. WELL…apparently I did not listen because I went to school as a Kindergartener with a short Pixy! I’d ask you to imagine that but you don’t have to, you can see it first hand in the photo of us in Mexico from May 2004 w/ me in a “Pixy” that is posted on my web page. But I digress…when I arrived home scarred for life that my golden locks were history my “LOVING” sister said, hey, you look like a BUTTFACE! And there you go. From 5 yrs old on she called me “Butt” and because I lack her quick wit it is what I call her as well. Glad ya’ll find it amusing… I do too, just not when we are out in public as it raises a few eyebrows. LOVE YA BUTT! See ya Friday!

So on to the past couple of days. God has blessed us greatly as all our needs have been met. My heart is overflowing with all the love that I receive from your e-mail responses, and my tummy if full with the most delicious meal that our friends the Ford’s provided. Glen and Danyelle your homemade cheesecake ROCKS! My Dad claims it is the best he’s ever had. You know it’s my favorite. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

I am so grateful for all the love and help we’ve received this past week as I enjoyed the cheer. However, as predicted, my bodies gave way to the side affects of the Taxotere Chemo on Monday. I was able to get outside to enjoy our beautiful Texas weather, but I watched it from my folding lawn chair. Which was perched right next to Holly, Kathy and Liza . We are a classy bunch…can you picture us in our folding chairs sitting in the cul-de-sac with a drink in hand. Don’t worry mine was water…I won’t speak for the rest of the crowd. HA! At one point between our 9 kids, 3 folding chairs, baby Catherine’s stroller, 4 bikes, 2 scooters, a play wheel barrow and other misc. toys we actually scared off some drivers that were trying to turn around in our circle. They gave up and turned into a driveway to turn around instead. Hey, if they wanna buy one of the houses for sale on this block then they need to be able to join in on our fun! RIGHT? Otherwise…keep on driving. I love these women…they bring joy to my live each and everyday.

By night my body had really had enough and I enjoyed the Ford’s meal as I snuggled in my bed. My sweet David kept asking if I needed anything…truth be told I did I needed my body to stop hurting. But there wasn’t anything anyone could do about that. Fortunately this morning I woke up and I was feeling so much better. My pains we all but gone, now just the dizziness and “Chemo Fog”. I was able to gather myself together to attend my women’s bible study. What a great group of women. I can tell already that I am going to love this study group.

I was further blessed to be able to join my sweet friend Suzanne for lunch at Pei Wei. For those that don’t have this restaurant it is owned by P.F. Chang’s and for the most part the menu is the same but the environment is not quite as upscale. We had so much fun. A little lettuce wraps, some edamame, some crab wontons and we were in hog heaven. What a blessing to be able to sit with Suzanne. I draw such strength from her sweet spirit. I hope you all have a someone in your life that does that for you. I am blessed to have several people like her in my life. I hope that I can offer that gift to someone else someday.

So enough about me. On to something way more important. My Jacob had his first day of Pre-K today with Mrs. Patsy today. HE LOVED IT! He didn’t miss a beat. This morning when Taylor left for school at 7:40am he said, “Mommy when are we goin’?”. I called Holly from my cell phone as I had to take a rest after getting Taylor off to school and I woke up at 9am…we should have been on the road at that point to avoid the long carpool line but fortunately for me Holly was already there. So Jacob and I parked and hopped in Ms. Holly’s car (8th in line I might add, we totally scored) so that Jacob, Jay and Jack could walk in together! It’s not always what you know, it’s who you know and today I knew the Mommy that was 8th in line so that we didn’t have to wait 20 minutes in carpool HA! Love ya HOL!. He had such a great day. We love all the teachers and Ms. Jerry at the Parkway Hills Baptist Preschool. Thank you ladies for all your prayers, support, and love that you give to my sweet Jacob. I love you.

O.k. so here is my God story for the day. This morning amidst my chemo fog brain David asked how I was feeling and I grumbled back o.k. but I feel like I am so disorganized & out of sorts. Jacob was upset because I wanted him to look cute for his first day of school and he hated the outfit we had picked out (for those that don’t know my Jacob is the next Ralph Lauren…really…he definitely has an opinion about what is cool and what isn’t). The mother in me wanted him to look cute so that I could get a cute picture…you know, the first day and school and all. He could have cared less! So we went round and round and frankly the steroids that they have me on just make me crazy when Jake pulls one of his fits so David handled it or I would have gone off the deep end. (FYI: He wore the outfit and we got a cute picture…not to worry.) But after all this was done, Dave stopped and asked me again, “is there anything else is bothering you?” I replied, I know it’s ridiculous given all that I am going through but it’s bothering me that I feel so unorganized. He said, well you right it is silly but it’s probably because that is the only thing you can control and it’s something you can complain about that really won’t offend anyone. So here is the God thing (I bet you were wondering if I was ever going to get there?) I left for bible study this morning at 9am and my Dad informed me that he thought he might try and help me out by reorganizing my garage! If you haven’t seen my garage you won’t appreciate what an enormous job this is. I came home at 2pm and Dad was just finishing up. As if that we not enough my mom spent the day reorganizing my kitchen cupboards and pantry & making dinner. I thought my pantry was pretty organized until Sue Berg got a hold of it. She had everything wiped down and placed where it probably should have been in the first place. Thank you so much Mom and Dad. They had no idea of the conversation Dave and I had just had ~ but they blessed me so much with there helping hands. Love you, Love you, Love you!

I hope you all are having as blessed of a day as I am.
Love to you all.
Lynn

Sunday, September 5, 2004 4:29 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

After Holly’s post Friday I hated to post last night because her humor and love came through so clear that I wanted to give everyone a chance to read it before I updated you on the past couple days since Friday’s chemo. Thank you so much for posting Hol, I love ya my friend.

So, as you probably gathered Friday’s chemo went well. I had SO much fun with Mom, Gail, Holly, Suzanne, Kathy and Linda. We laughed so much that we really did get into trouble. But hey, what are they going to do ask me to leave?? I think NOT! So bring it on girls…next chemo round I need ya there. (We’ll just have to tame it down a bit and cycle through one at a time…but that’s o.k.)

After Chemo I actually felt pretty good (all things considered) so I asked Mom if she’d mind making a stop on the way home. We hit Nordstrom Rack FUN, FUN, FUN!!! My friend Jill in Colorado would be so proud of our finds.

That evening my sweet friend Dawn blessed us as she brought us dinner. Homemade chicken soup (which was wonderful) but the best part was the Popover Pastries with strawberry butter!!! Oh, my gosh I think I felt them going right to my thighs! The worst part is that I ate them anyway. They were divine!

We were supposed to be on our own Saturday night for dinner, but over comes my neighbor Linda with beef enchiladas and chocolate cake that her sweet Laura brought in from Sherman. This was such an unexpected surprise. My mom brought me a plate as I lay half asleep in my bed and as soon as I smelled them I popped up and took a bite. I looked at her and said these are awesome go grab me another one before they are all gone. They were SO YUMMY! Thank you Laura.

The day wouldn’t have been complete if I didn’t rally to attend Kathy’s sweet baby Jack’s 1st birthday party. So at 7pm we walked across the street to witness the pure joy of Jack smashing his hands and face in his crash cake! What a site. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. We are so blessed to have these people in our lives.

This morning, well every morning really, I woke up about 5am. I was still sitting in my bed because I was too tired to move, but my mind wouldn’t slow down. What did you say Melanie? “It’s like my mind is moving faster than my body can”, that is how I feel most mornings after chemo. But this morning I prayed that God would give me the strength to be able to go to church. Something told me that I needed to hear his message today. (We didn’t get to go last week because I was too sick.) But today, we got to go. Picture this….it took me 2 hours to get ready! I’d take a shower and sit down, pick out my outfit and sit down. I did my make-up laying down in bed. Got the kids ready (with Dave’s help) and then sat down again. At one point Taylor said, “Mommy you are still in your robe & we gotta go!” I responded that I really was ready I just needed to put on my dress. It took me from 6:30am-8:20am to get myself and the family ready. But we made it and I was right, needed to be there Pete’s message was terrific.

Here is another story I think you’ll enjoy. Last week I was having a hard time because I was feeling guilty that my kids were missing out on doing fun things (with me sick in bed, & David et. al., taking care of me). They are used to being outside swimming, riding bikes, going to the park at the end of our block etc. Once again prayers were answered because the past 3 days my kids social calendar would rival any “A” list partygoers. Taylor got a chance to play all day with her dear friend Ashlynn (Holly’s sweet girl), and today she is ice-skating w/ her sweet friend Sydney (JennyGwynn’s daughter, they are in 1st grade together). They both got to play w/ the entire cul-de-sac kids at Baby Jack’s 1st birthday party last night, and as we speak Jacob is having the time of life playing over at Linda’s house w/ her grandchildren Jack & Caroline who by the way are the same age as Taylor and Jacob. It’s amazing how God is taking care of all our needs.

I will close to say that so far I am tolerating this round of chemo much better than the first. Maybe the dose is indeed less…maybe God’s just wrapping his arms around me & taking care of me. More likely than not, it’s both.

Before I say Good-Bye I have one prayer request. Our dear friends Rick and Christal Lung live in Orlando, Florida. They are right in the middle of hurricane Frances. Please pray for their safety. Pray that the storm turns so that the damage to this area is minimized. We love you Lungs! Call when you get your electricity back.

Thank you for your continued prayer and encouraging messages. They mean more than you could possibly know.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Friday, September 3, 2004 8:51 PM CDT

Where do you get your strength? Today, Lynn gained her strength from many different places. First, she gained her most strength from our almighty Lord, whom she was talking to VERY early this morning (I think 4 a.m. to be exact). She also gained strength from her loving family, from dear friends, from laughter, from nature, from caring nurses, from warm fuzzy socks, from odd coincidences (were they really coincidences?), from great banana bread, from a caffeinated beverage, from the warmth of the sunshine and from an unwavering stamina and strength that had to be God granted!! WHEW

Today was amazing. I have a lot to share so grab something to drink and enjoy the day’s story. As you know, Lynn received her second ½ of her first round (of three) of Taxotere., the “yucky” chemo drug which is going to rid her body of this breast cancer. Lynn shared with me that she couldn’t sleep this morning so she got up and was just praying. She prayed for the day, for the healing, for a sweet, patient and good nurse.

During her talk with God Lynn also told me she mentioned that she hadn’t seen any red cardinals lately. You have to know that cardinals have a dear place in Lynn’s heart as they remind her of her late, sweet maternal grandmother. We have had a plethora of cardinals in the neighborhood this summer yet Lynn hasn’t seen one since she was re-diagnosed with this cancer. She mentioned this fact to her mom the other day and then brought it up in prayer. Well, when Lynn was pulling in from taking Taylor to school today guess what she saw sitting on her garage? A bright red cardinal!!! Still yet, the cardinal flew in front of her as to say “see…notice me”? Yes, Lynn thought….God heard me and I know you are near sweet grandmother! So………that was a glorious, cheerful start to her day.

Lynn, her mom Suzanne, and her mother-in-law Gail showed up for “the round” and waited patiently for Lynn to get called back. NO SUCH LUCK! An entourage of people showed up to support Lynn today only to find her waiting to be set up – the wait was one hour. While this is long…the ladies sure did enjoy their visiting with Lynn. The time passed quickly. Once set up, the entourage got scolded by an administrator for being “too loud”. FOR SHAME!!! We were having fun and giving everyone else an opportunity to share in our nonsense and humor. We got the message though and did tone it down a bit….the same administrator came back later and said we were to be given some gold stars for our good behavior. HA Gail quickly offered to teach a lesson to EVERYONE on the benefits of getting through difficult times with humor, holistic medicine etc. I think I will call ahead and book a training room before our next session Gail so get ready. Gail, your sweet disposition, humor and caring heart warm everywhere you are!! What a joy to be in your presence…we’ll also have to call ahead to let them know you are coming to “warm” up the place next time!

Once Lynn’s IV was set up…the real party began. (Thank you Lord, for answered prayers,…Lynn had an awesome nurse named Sarah who was sweet and caring…and good!) Our funny witted and dear neighbor, Linda, had purchased some hot pink socks (hence the picture above) to begin the IV party. You see, it is cold in the chemo lab…so…we ALL put on the hot pink socks. What a hoot. Lynn didn’t know they were coming and we got such a kick out of wearing them around. We moved our waiting room party to the stall where Lynn was getting her treatment. WE were doing great, breaking banana bread and drink together – was this like communion? until another nurse (probably the head) came and put an end to our social situation. Okay, okay, we all REALLY understood but we had piled in so nicely and quickly…storing bags, food, cameras, purses, etc and squeezing the two skinnies (that’s you Kathy & Suzanne) in the very back. The sweet man in the stall next to us offered up his chair…it really was swell….for a few minutes. We learned, thanks to that head nurse, that we actually could jeopardize Lynn’s medicine administration so we had to “regroup” and funnel a few people back to the waiting room. The short lived “big” party was worth it though…and we continued visiting Lynn one at a time. Lesson learned…we’ll have to do better at crowd control over the next treatments! Funny thing…after they told us we had to split up…it took us about 20 minutes to get everything packed and out of there…it had only taken us a few stealthy minutes to plop a spot!!

Sweet Suzanne Berg (Lynn’s Mom), she showed the wonderful trait of compassion to some unsuspecting patients today and their days were surely brightened because of it. In the scramble to find seats, the sweet man next to us offered his chair…Suzanne, just went and took up sitting with him. WOW He was so appreciative of her company and they chatted and chatted for a while…instead of taking his chair she merely sat in it and gave him the gift of caring conversation and company. He had no one sitting by him as he received his drugs. Suzanne also came and got a huge piece of yummy, warm banana bread to share with him. Radiance shined through you today Suzanne and I know those sweet people were touched by your friendliness and kindness. (There was another two ladies in the waiting room that Suzanne opened up to and had them conversing and smiling…awesome!!)

Okay…so would you think it was weird if I shared with you that Lynn’s full name is Lynn Suzanne…her mom is Suzanne, Lynn’s accountability partner and dear friend is Suzanne Lynn (same spelling), and I am a Holly Suzanne? Weird??? Maybe….it certainly leaves you to ponder the thought though.

More news from the day… Lynn finished her chemo round having had many laughs and good times over silly nonsense stuff. She felt fairly good through this round (thanks in big part to the ‘joy juice’) and came home with enough energy to enjoy some time with her family and then make it to the park where she watched her kids play. Unfounded strength? Hummmm…you know the theme…I think not! Thank you God, for Lynn, for her life and for the strength and ability to get through the day.

Where was Dave? Well, he opted (with good reason) not to attend this session. Seems…the “hens” had a few females up on him and he probably knew he would not be enjoying the fun as much as the hot pink socked ladies. Of course, Dave would have been there at a moments request, but I am thinking he and Lynn made a good choice for him not to come today…can you see him in hot pink/fuschia fuzzy socks??? NOT!!! We’ll catch you next time Dave but beware…we are bold and bad and tend to get into some mischief here and there.

Well, dear family and friends…my drink and thoughts have ended. We have much to be thankful for today and a bright day to look forward to tomorrow. Please keep your prayers coming…Lynn is expected to feel a little sore again this week …but who knows….she is not one to follow the normal course.

Remember Hebrews 11:1 which we prayed with today: Now FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. God is SO good.

Good night all….

Love,
Holly

Thursday, September 2, 2004 7:10 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

What a GREAT day I had today! From start to finish God could not have blessed me with a better day. I woke up feeling refreshed, as the sleeping meds that Dr. Hampe prescribed are WONDERFUL, and for the first time in 6 days I actually slept through the night! YEAH!!!

My sweet Taylor woke up w/ a cheerful heart and was so excited to find out that she’d be getting a ride to school with Daddy this morning. She loves riding with her friend Julia but when her sister fell ill we opted to not spread those germs to the Newman household. Taylor was TRILLED to be going w/ Dave as this is the first week that this has ever occurred & for her it was a big treat! She wants me to inform all of you that she had a great day at school and was excited that she got to sit next to her friends Sydney and Riley at lunch. She is becoming quite the social butterfly.

This morning at 9am or so Jacob saw all his buddies playing in the cul-de-sac and did not want to miss out. I was still in my pretty pink robe (go figure) and my hair was sticking up on end (REALLY…Holly would have taken a picture to publish to the world if she had her camera handy…. fortunately for me it was not.)

I quickly ran inside to freshen up and joined Holly, Kathy, Linda, my Mom, Jacob Jay, Jack, Catherine, Lili, Deegan, Jack, my other neighbor Susan her son and granddaughter! Just when we thought we could have any more fun JENNYGWYNN called to say that she was dropping “something by”. Five minutes later she shows up with a super size Sonic slushy and chocolate milk shake. She said she couldn’t bear the thought that I was getting by on my slim fast shakes to calm my stomach. O.k. so here’s the kicker she pulls double duty work outs at the Gym, looks model pretty and shows up to share all these high calorie drinks with ME! At this point I don’t even care!!! They were good and SO appreciated. Love ya JennyGwynn.

Now my day could have ended there and it would have been a good day but NO…it gets better. At 1pm my sweet Holly calls and asks me to meet her outside she comes out lookin’ like a million dollars w/ a HUGE bouquet of fresh flowers. The note read, “I found my thing”. Indeed you did my friend. They are beautiful and are displayed in my bedroom, as I will be enjoying them day and night for the next few days from my bed. YUCK…at least I can look at my pretty flowers even when I don’t feel pretty.

O.K. I am still not done. Later that afternoon I got to visit w/ Holly for about 45 minutes at her house and about half way through my visit both Jay and Jack (her 41/2 yr old twins) come over to show me the AWESOME pictures they drew for me. Jay and Jack I am going to tape these pictures to my dresser right next to your Mommy’s flowers and enjoy them each time I see them. (Sweet boys!)

As the day went on Dave, Taylor, Jacob and I were off to go to Jacob’s soccer practice. We had so much fun cheering he and his teammates on. The bonus was that Jacob’s coach is Scot Florsheim and he and his wife Melanie are members of our mini church. So it was a double blessing as I got to be there to cheer Jacob on, and sit and visit w/ Melanie for an hour. For those who may not know, Melanie and I were going through Breast Cancer at the same time last year so she knows 1st hand what all this chemo stuff is like and in fact actually took the Taxotere Chemo that I am taking right now. So we commiserate about all the nasty side effects. Thanks for the cheer Mel.

After practice we were going to grab dinner at Apple Bee’s (our weekly hang out for those that don’t know, Lord knows I don’t like to cook) but our children opted to go to the Country Club for dinner instead. You don’t have to twist our arms, the Club has a children’s playroom complete w/ Sony Play station for Jacob and Lizzie McGuire on TV for my sweet Taylor. They got Penne pasta, chocolate milk and ice cream to boot. It was heaven for the kids. Meanwhile Dave and I got to sit, just the two of us, and relish in each other’s company.

GOD has blessed me today indeed!

I go in tomorrow at 9am for the 2nd half of my chemo Rd#1. Please pray that I get a sympathetic and experienced chemo nurse, and that the administering of the Taxotere goes perfectly. And of course that the Taxotere is killing those nasty cancer cells.

Holly will be posting for me tomorrow as I will not be feeling well but please know that I will be thinking of each of you and praising God that he has blessed me with such an amazing group of friends and family.

Love to you all,
Lynn

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 8:39 PM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

HUGE praise today as we got good news from Dr. Hampe. My repeat sonogram appears to confirm that the gray area in the 10 O’Clock position is scar tissue. Of course we won’t really know 100% until I go in for surgery at which time Dr. Hampe will remove this scar tissue area and send it in to pathology. But at this point I now have 4 doctors all agreeing that this looks like scar tissue.

Let me give you the reader’s digest of what we know & then I’ll go on to some fun news:

· 3-4 Lymph nodes appear to be swollen. How much of that is cancer vs. fluid is unknown.
· The cancer seems to be isolated in the Auxiliary area.
· I will finish the 2nd half of Rd#1 Chemo and both doses of Rd#2 & then schedule a PET Scan.
· No matter what (even if the cancer is eliminated via chemo) I will be having surgery to remove the affected lymph nodes, surrounding tissue & scar tissue. The surgery will probably be sometime in October, but the exact timing will depend upon how my cancer responds to our current chemo regimen.
· This surgery will be more invasive than last year. However, at this point we do not have any data that suggests that a mastectomy is necessary. The reason it will be more invasive is that Dr. Hampe will be taking a great deal more lymph nodes, surrounding tissue, plus the old scar tissue. We’ll make a final decision regarding mastectomy (or not) once we get closer to the surgery date.
· Future Chemo after surgery may become necessary. Again, we don’t know b/c at this point I am optimistic that the Taxotere and Xeloda will eradicate this cancer. If it doesn’t then we’ll go to Plan B. They have prepped me that even if my cancer tumor does shrink & we go in for surgery to remove the affected area, I may still have to sign up for add’l chemo. YUCK!!! Pray that I don’t.

So there you have it. The next 6-9 months are going to be hard. However, I am so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by my family, my friends, and amazing doctors that all give me courage and strength each day. I love you all.

Now, on the fun stuff. Dave, the kids and I were able to sit down with my Mom, Dad, Mother & Father in-law & enjoy a wonderful meal that the Murray’s prepared for us. All 8 of us were swished around my tiny kitchen table… we and wouldn’t have had it any other way. What a blessing to have them all here and to be able to laugh and be silly together. Thank you Murray’s for giving us that gift.

I am continually amazed at how God is blessing my family & me through all of this. I have moments of fear when I am uncertain what the future holds, but I am certain of one thing ~ he is with us and is giving us hope and strength.

I will close with this….David, you and the kids are my life. Your constant support and encouragement keep me “looking to the left”. I love you huge!

The Wife.
A.K.A Lynn Newman

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 8:25 PM CDT

It’s 8:03pm and Dave and I just finished putting Taylor and Jacob to bed. I am exhausted but couldn’t go to bed until I posted about our trip to Dr. Savin’s (our second oncology opinion).

For all intensive purposes the diagnosis & treatment plan that Dr. Savin shared was exactly the same as what we previously had been told. He agreed that basis my PET Scan, CAT Scan and MRI tests indicate that my cancer seems to be isolated in the right auxiliary area. He confirmed that we are definitely on the “right” course of treatment insomuch as he would have recommended the same Chemo treatment at this point.

He reminded us that it is a good thing that I am able to take Chemo prior to surgery as it will allow us to definitively show if my tumor is shrinking and thus responding (or not) to the current Chemo regimen. He also indicated that at this point it does not look to be anywhere in my breast tissue. Although it is noteworthy to say that I go in for a Sonogram w/ needle biopsy tomorrow at 3pm to verify if the spot that appeared at the 10 O’clock position on the Right Breast on my MRI is scar tissue from last years cancer or if this is cancer. Dr. Stokoe (oncology), Dr. Hampe (surgeon) and now Dr. Savin (2nd opinion oncology) all seem to think it is scar tissue but are leaving no stone left unturned at this point.

If indeed it is determined tomorrow that it is scar tissue then Dr. Savin is of the opinion as is Dr. Hampe that there really is no need for a mastectomy. Time will tell.

As my loving husband says, “It’s a second opinion…. it’s time to have faith and be optimistic!” So that is where we’ll leave it.

I will close with TWO prayer requests:

PRAY that my sonogram and needle biopsy go perfectly tomorrow at 3pm. That the doctors will be able to discern if the area in question is cancer or scar tissue.

PRAY that this Chemo is kickin’ my cancer butt and that this will all be over and we’ll be toasting to 2005 cancer FREE!

Love to you all!
God Bless,
Lynn

Monday, August 30, 2004 8:00 PM CDT

Hello My Family and Friends,

First let me say THANK YOU to my sweet Holly for taking the time to update ya’ll yesterday. Did you cry when you read her post? I did and it was about me how sad am! At this point I may as well confess that I cry at some of the Hallmark commercials too.

Truth be told, I had a bit of a rough patch yesterday, and then again most of this morning. My body gave way to the aches and pains that I knew were coming but thankfully they are not as bad as last year. My Mom made me homemade Chicken Soup for lunch and that seemed to help a bit. At least it motivated me to take a shower (which is about all I got done today). I am still sore, but I am determined not to let this get the better of me.

Today Jacob and I played Uno and Memory Card Games all afternoon. Then when Taylor got home from school we finished her “Me” project for 1st grade. (Don’t worry JennyGwynn we got it done!) It was a group effort that took Taylor, Grandma, Grammie, and Mommy to accomplish and we wouldn’t have had it any other way. She is so proud!

Jacob got a chance to play with his buddies Deegan and Jack and the park and then have lunch at Ms. Kathy’s with the Crandell crew so it was a good morning for him. I am so thankful for the time he gets to spend with you guys I am not sure that I can adequately express that in this journal. But you know my heart. Thank you so much! I love you guys!

I want to thank Barbara Skallberg for the wonderful meal that she and her family provided us tonight. It was amazing. We’ll be grazing for days, as it was enough for the entire cul-de-sac. Thank you Barbara we loved it.

So here is my funny story for the day….Barb had dropped off the dinner to Holly’s house for delivery b/c she feared that she might pass on a virus to me. Holly called me to meet her outside …well if you know anything about the girls in the Shadow Ridge Ct cul-de-sac you know that if someone is out there talking in the circle there will soon be 2 or 3 more to join in on the fun. Holly and I visited for a couple of minutes then out came Linda and Liza to fill my afternoon with cheer. I’ve missed you ladies and it was so good to lock eyes on all of you and hug your necks. What a blessing to be on our street! We do have fun don’t we girls!! Give me a couple months and we’ll be back out there w/ a glass of wine cheering to my full recovery!

Tomorrow is another big day as Dave and I will be going for my 2nd opinion tomorrow afternoon at 3:30pm. I will update you tomorrow on anything we find out.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me and sending me so many wonderfully touching and funny guest entries. I cannot tell you how much it uplifts me.

Love to you all.
God Bless.
Lynn

Sunday, August 29, 2004 9:04 PM CDT

Dear loved ones,

Lynn is doing well today albeit a little achy. We agreed she would do the updates on days she felt well and I would try to cover the other days (to the best of my ability). We have had some people raise questions as to the history of Lynn’s cancer so…here in a re-cap, is a synopsis of what has gone on…this hopefully will also provide a wonderful ground base to her journal we are creating on Caringbridge. Here goes:

**One year ago Lynn was diagnosed with breast cancer. (There is a history of cancer in Lynn’s family although it isn’t breast cancer). I will NEVER forget when she told me she found the lump and then when she called to tell me it was breast cancer….it was one of those “life moments”….there was an immediate call to God for His almighty hand to keep Lynn safe!! She discovered the lump on Sunday and I distinctly remember she called Dr. Eisenberg (our wonderful OBGYN) Monday morning and it seemed to me they had her in his office by 10:00 a.m. that morning. The doctor’s discovered that there was a small tumor in her right breast which was surgically removed along with some lymph nodes. The tumor was 1.1cm. The lumpectomy went well and she was on for four rounds of chemo followed by 6 weeks of radiation. This was a horrific process but all went according to the doctors’ plans and following these treatments she was given a clean slate...all was okay. (I distinctly remember her last week of radiation though and how she relayed to me that she was scared to leave the “watchful eye” of her doctors and be out in the real world of ‘not knowing’. We talked about requesting regular sonograms even if that meant paying for them…just so a sense of security would be given.

** Within the past few weeks Lynn started experiencing weakness in her arm and some pain. After being seen the doctors did a mammo and sonogram and discovered a fluid filled sac under her arm. A biopsy aspiration was done and initial test showed all was okay. After further testing on this fluid however, the "drilled down" version of the test showed some cancerous tumor cells. The cavity where this fluid was taken was a scar tissue cavity from the original surgery.

** Since finding out the cancer is back the doctors have run all sorts of tests to discover if this spot is the origination spot of this cancer or if it exists somewhere else in her body. So far she has had a bone test, a CAT scan, MRI and PET test. You already know the cancer is localized (can you be joyful for this news – YES!). There is a questionable mark on her right breast and then one of the lymph nodes is bad. We are prayerful that the current chemo Lynn is going through will take care of this cancer once and for all! This cancer is still called breast cancer and the fact that it has returned so quickly shows its aggressiveness. The doctors’ are moving quickly and are not going to allow this cancer an iota of a chance to invade her body anywhere else.

**Lynn’s current treatment includes three rounds of an iv chemo and an oral chemo, surgery, and radiation. The three rounds of chemo will be given in 6 increments with two weeks in between each round. There will be an evaluation at some point to see if this taxotere chemo drug is reducing her lymph node tumor.

So, this is where we are right now. We are calling upon everyone to lift Lynn and her dear family in prayer every time you pray or think of them. Please also include her wonderful team of skilled doctors…pray for their wisdom and admistration of all Lynn’s treatments. Her doctors include: Dr. Dennis Eisenberg (OBGYN), Dr. Hampe (surgeon), Dr. Christopher Stokoe (oncologist), and a slew of other hospital personnel, nurses and the soon to be second opinion doctor…Dr. Savin.

Ya’ll know Lynn has a wonderful husband Dave who has endured more than his share through all of this too….they have two very precious kids, Taylor (soon to be 7) and Jacob (just turned 5). These kids amaze me with their strength, resilience and faith through this second round of horror! Upon Friday’s first dose of the taxotere, Lynn returned home and said hello to Jacob. As was communicated to me, Jacob inquired why Lynn was home. She answered saying she had finished getting her medicine. He said, “I thought you went for your chemo today Mommy?” She confirmed that she had indeed received it that morning but was now home. He responded with a “but you still have your hair!”. Aren’t kids wonderful? They see everything through different lenses. Jacob could care less if Mommy had her hair or not…his expectations were different on Friday so I suppose he was glad to see she was looking the same. We are praying that the taxotere does not cause baldness this time…a little thinning we’ll take but please God, don’t let it all fall out! (Lynn…it would be another excuse for the bellini hat party again…of course…we can do it even without the baldness…just so you know!)

So…I think that is it for now. Thank you again to all the visitors to the site. All you are doing and writing and praying for is very much appreciated. I pray everyone has a friend in their life as precious as Lynn is to me. These are the friends you would go to the ends of the earth for …I wish I could “fix” this problem for Lynn but try as I might…I can’t. I can and DO rely on my almighty God to take care of what I can’t and fully know that He is in control of it all….it is what helps me sleep at night. I wish you all the best of sweet dreams tonight…especially precious Lynn…I love you girl!!

Holly

Saturday, August 28, 2004 5:17 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

There were prayers being answered all over the U.S. last night. I fully expected to wake up with muscle and joint pains this morning from the Taxotere IV Chemo administered yesterday. But in fact NO! I woke up feeling great! A little bloated, a few cramps, and a bit irritable but that is systematic of another monthly issue we women endure. Thank you for your prayers they are much need and are being answered YEAH! Keep them coming.

Yesterday although traumatic (as I thought I would never see the inside a chemo lab again) went as well as could possible be expected. After treatment we came home and I enjoyed all the gossip magazines that Gail and Holly treated me to. Ask me anything you want to know about Jessica and Nick, the latest diet craze, or any of the on-going trials and I could recite all the “facts” that these trustworthy magazines had to offer.

This morning after waking up to feeling fairly human I was treated to breakfast in bed. TWICE. My loving husband brought me Total Raisin Bran and my obligatory Diet Mt. Dew so that I could take my morning dose of Xeloda (can’t take that potent Chemo drug on an empty stomach). Then about 30 minutes later Taylor comes in telling me that my Mom is making French Toast and asks if I want any. Well YEAH!!! Poor Taylor and Jacob they are subjected to frozen pancakes and waffles in the morning as we rarely have time to make it from scratch. What a treat to have Grandma here from AZ to make it for them. Thanks Mom it was yummy!

The kids were so excited because they had not one but two birthday parties they were invited to today. Unfortunately Mother Nature rained out our friend Dustin’s party, as it was an outdoor swimming party complete w/ monster blow up slide. The kids were sorry to miss it but we’ll make up for it at a later date Dustin. Happy birthday nonetheless. We hope you enjoyed your gift.

They did however get to go to a fabulous mermaid party for their friend Julia. It was scheduled later in the afternoon & the rain cleared. They had a blast. Thank you Holly for taking them to the party. Once the kids got there and the rain cleared they were able to swim the only problem is that I sent them in clothes assuming that the party had been moved inside. Opps…A big Thank you to you Kathy for coming back to the house and picking up swimsuits and towels for them. They would have been so disappointed to be the only kids on the side of the pool. Love ya my friend. The first question I asked when they came home was, “did you have fun?” The second, “Did you get any candy?” I’ve got a one-track mind! It’s a sickness I know!

Yesterday I mentioned all the meds I had to keep track of…well this afternoon Dave created a spreadsheet for me to ensure that I did not O.D. on all of them. It’s hysterical! Thanks honey, I know I can be a pain but it really is helpful now that my Chemo brain has come back into play.

O.k. I have yet another amazing story for ya’ll. Last year when I was going through my first battle w/ breast cancer I met owner of a fabulous gift shop called Panache at home. She noticed that I was wearing one of my many stylish hats (as I hated to wear my wig) and asked about my story. I filled her in and she said she would commit to praying for God to heal me. A few weeks later my mother and mother in law stopped in her store and somehow they put two and two together and realized they belonged to me and she once again committed to praying for me. She did! I ran into her about 6wks ago in her store and she almost didn’t recognize me because my hair had grown back. She was thrilled to see that I was doing so well. I was admiring a beautiful decorative Rooster that I’d seen in many magazines for Kitchen décor. It was beautiful but they didn’t have the size I wanted in stock. She said she’d call when it came in. She did, but by that time my cancer had come back and I never stopped back in. She called Wednesday afternoon and my mother answered the phone and filled her in on the details. She asked if someone could come by the shop she had a little something for me. Needless to say I have a beautiful Rooster standing proudly on my kitchen island. A constant reminder of all the precious people God has placed in my path. Thank you so much…I love it!

I will close with a few prayer requests:
· Pray that I will not have any side affects from the Xeloda (redness in feet or hands or diarrhea), as they will have to suspend treatment.
· Pray that I don’t get any mouth soars. These are so painful and I was fortunate not to get them last year but I hear they are awful.
· Pray that my body continues to tolerate the Taxotere and that I won’t get muscle and joint pains.
· Pray for peace if/when I begin to loose my hair. This was the hardest thing to deal with last year and I am hopeful that I’ll be one of the lucky ones that are able to tolerate Taxotere and not loose my hair.
· Pray that all the Chemo treatments will kill ALL cancer tumor cells that are currently in my body.
· Pray that David and the kids are able to have peace, strength, and courage through this battle. They are my heart and it breaks it to see them worry so much.
· Praise that my final PET scan report concluded that the only areas of concern are the auxiliary area (under my arm) and the 10 O’Clock position on the Rt breast. Nothing at all in my bones or vital organs. This is great news and a huge answered prayer! Thank you to Dr. Hampe for calling me last night and spending 57minutes answering every question that I had. I am blessed with an amazing team of Doctors and I am so appreciative of each of them.

It’s almost dinner time and Todd and Holly are treating us to one of Todd’s specialties, b Baby Back Ribs with all the fixing’s! I can’t wait.

Thanks to everyone that has signed into the website. I LOVE getting your sweet encouraging notes! Keep them coming each of them brings a smile to my face.

I love you all!
Lynn,

Friday, August 27, 2004 3:05 PM CDT

Hello My Family and Friends,

First let me say Thank you to Dana Eisenberg for educating Holly and I about the Caringbridge Website. Holly and I visited the site daily as her son Sammy was fighting his battle against Cancer. He is doing GREAT thanks to some amazing Doctors, his brother Ethan’s bone marrow, and a national team of prayer warriors asking God to heal this special little boy. Our prayers were answered and Sammy couldn’t be doing better. Sammy, I fully intend to follow your plan of attack and win my battle too. We love you Eisenberg’s.

That said here is how our day went. I finally fell asleep around 12am only to be awakened by my sweet Taylor this morning at 5:55am. She lay quietly on the floor next to Cody dog. When leaned over to see what was wrong she simply answered, “I had a bad dream Mommy and it scared me”. Our sweet children, we try to protect them from our fear and yet somehow even when no words are spoken, they just seem to know when things are not right. But, after some wonderful snuggling w/ both Mommy and Daddy I think her fears were settled and she was ready to start her day. Which meant that apparently we were too.

With Taylor off to school and Jacob spending time with his Grandfathers Dave, My Mom, Gail (my mother in law), and I showed up at the No. TX Cancer Center and met w/ Dr. Stokoe (my oncologist) this morning at 9:00am. He proceeded to explain the chemo protocol. I must have had selective hearing last Monday because I did not take the news well when he said he see me back next Friday for Set #2 of Round #1 of Taxotere. WHAT!!! I thought I had 3 wks b/w each rounds. Well technically there is 3 wks between Set #1 of each round but you have to come in on Day 8 for a 2nd dose of Taxotere for each round. I tearfully replied that feels like 6 rounds to me and w/ my veins already next to gone after A/C last year I am freaking out that I won’t be able to tolerate it w/o a port (which I REALLY don’t want!) BUT, as Dave says….”it is what it is!” Pray that God gives me great nurses that will be able to find a vein that is usable for the next 5 chemo sticks.

After round #2 I will go in for another PET Scan to determine if my cancer is shrinking. If it is I will proceed w/ round #3 of Taxotere & Xeloda (an oral chemo drug I have to take 2X’s daily for 14 days after each round of Taxotere…. are you confused yet. Sometimes I feel like I am. Add on Synthroid and vitamins and my whole day is popping pills! YUCK!)

Anyway, if my tumor is not shrinking then we’ll skip round #3 and go directly to surgery. What kind is still TBD.

The good news is that although I am tired right now after my 1st set of rd#1 Taxotere I do not have any joint pain yet. Pray that I don’t!

On a happier note, you no doubt saw Holly’s post yesterday and possibly today regarding out adventures w/ the TX sized flying creature (almost the size of a small bird…an eagle reallyJ). It was so funny. Holly that could only happen to us! FUNNY, FUNNY, Funny!

As Holly mentioned in her e-mail, Dr. Stokoe came by during chemo and recounted what the PET scan saw. This was a preliminary report given to him over the phone and will be further reviewed b/f a final report sent to Dr. Stokoe. BUT, I am going to choose to believe it because it is pretty good news. The PET scan picked up my cancer in the auxiliary (under arm) area and another possible area in the 10 o’clock position on my RT breast. However, nothing else …nothing in my bones, or in my vital organs! PRAISE GOD! Pray that this is the case that we won’t get bad news when the “Final” report is faxed over to Dr. Stokoe.

***** SPECIAL THANK YOU’S********

I won’t always do this but since this is the first time I am posting on this site and it will probably be a while if my joints start to hurt. As such, I wanted to take this time to thank a couple people…it is impossible to thank everyone individually, please know that I am grateful for every loving note, encouraging card, or sweet voice mail message. If I am too sick to call back please forgive me, and know that you all give me much joy and peace…. You are God’s gifts of encouragement sent to me by my angle friends. I love each of you.

To My Loving Husband David: You have been my rock. I love you so much and I cannot imagine living through this nightmare again without your constant support, encouragement, and at times tough love. I may not always like to hear it at the time, but thank you for giving me the gift of perspective. You and the kids are my heart!

To my Mom and Dad: Thank you for coming all the way from Arizona as soon as you heard the news. Your constant encouragement and positive attitude is a God Given Spiritual Gift. Thank you for sharing it with my family and me. We love you.

My Mother and Father In Law: Thank you for being here to support and love us through all of this. For being angry w/ me and crying w/ me and ultimately drawing a line in the sand and saying this sucks, but we’ll make it through as a family. Thank you for watching the kids at the drop of a hat so that I can take any/every Dr. Appt that is necessary. We love you.

My Dear Sweet Holly: My #1… It was God’s plan that we are living at 9 Shadow Ridge Ct directly across the street from 2 amazing families. He knew that we’d need to support, love and encourage each other through some difficult times…BUT really enough is enough Lord. Please let 2005 be a cheerful, fancy-free year!!!

P.S. Holly thank you for coming today. I know it was hard on you, know that you brought me peace, a smile to my face, shopping magazines, candy, and soda to boot. What more could a girl going through chemo need? Thank you for praying with me when they injected the chemo into my vein and looking into my tear-filled eyes w/ yours and seeing my pain ~ no words needed to be exchanged, just a look to say, “It’s going to be o.k. My friend. Fear not, the Lord is looking down on you and he is protecting you” I love ya girl.

To my Sweet Friend Suzanne, You always bring a smile to my face and to my heart. Yesterday’s little surprise was no exception… For those who aren’t in on the fun, I’ll explain. After getting the news on Monday that I’d be starting chemo Friday (today) I went shopping! YEP, some drink, some read, some write, I SHOP…it is my therapy! . BUT I digress…upon this solo shopping adventure I stumble on the most beautiful soft cozy long pale pink robe from Nordstrom’s. I love and I know that I must have it. I turn over the price tag and decide that if I want to stay married maybe the cute little one from Stein Mart will have to do for a little longer. Mind you No one knows this story…not even Suzanne. But herself shows up on my doorstep with a Nordies box in hand and 2 gift bags for the kids. I take one look at the box and I knew I loved what ever was inside. What was inside was the exact pale pick Bear Foot Dreams bathrobe I had fallen in love w/ 3 days prior. There she goes again, bringing joy to my journey. Love ya friend.

To all my friends in Stonebriar: I could not do this with out your constant love, encouraging notes and especially w/o Linda Denning’s Yummy dinners and desserts J Oh, what I will go through to get a Linda Denning Dinner J Love ya Honey! And to Mary Jo Wilen who spent countless hours researching a specific Dr at Baylor for me. She was the only person who finally got to the root of why I wasn’t getting in and I fully believe it was God’s way of directing me to see a different Dr. for a 2nd Opinion. I will be seeing Dr. Micheal Savin on Tuesday at 3:30pm (thanks to a call from Dr. Eisenberg …thanks Doc! I love ya!).

To my Mini Church: What an amazing group of people. Each of you adds such a different element to our group. Diversity…some serious, or funny, some silly, or bald. You just never know what you’ll get from any of us. But what I can count on is unconditional love, and willingness to help and pray for my family and me. God has blessed me greatly. P.S. Corbin I LOVE your notes PLEASE keep them coming!!! I’ll miss you guys next wed.

To my Friends & Family that are not in Texas: I miss all of you terribly. Especially my sister Terri. I love ya BUTT!!! Come and hang w/ me anytime sista! My hope is that this web page will be a great way for me to update you on what’s going on and if I am too sick to update then Holly has offered to take this on for me.

I love all of you so much.
In his Name!
Lynn, David, Taylor and Jacob

Friday, August 27, 2004 3:38 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Isn't this web page great? Lynn will probably be updating you soon on all that is going on but I wanted to jot a quick first journal to update you on today.

Lynn went in for her round of the chemo drug called taxotere. She first met with Dr. Stokoe who told her that she would have to come back next Friday for an additional amount of this drug. YUCK. Then...she'll have two weeks off. Following the two weeks, they will re-administer the taxotere in the same two week increments. Is that confusing? Basically, as I understand it, she is getting three rounds but they have to divide up the rounds because the drug is so potent so she actually will have to go in for 6 sessions. Okay, that isn't good because it isn't fun.

There is good news and answered prayers to share though....a first overview and oral report of the PET scan showed the cancer is localized and is not present anywhere other than the lymph node and similar location as before. This is great news as the PET test confirmed initial MRI and scans showing the cancer wasn't in her bone or organs. HOORAY.

I visited Lynn in the chemo lab today and while it wasn't fun we managed to get in a few laughs and talk about nonsense stuff to get our minds off of this yuck. (don't you like my constant use of yuck...it just fits so many things!) We laughed, cried, held hands, and found a great new magazine for Lynn called Shop, Etc. The premiere issue just hit the stands. Lynn is a wonderful shopper and I have adopted her as my personal shopper...in fact I am wearing an outfit in her honor today! Hee

PLEASE take time to jot Lynn encouragement on the guest book...this will lift her spirits so much. She is doing well post this round albeit she's feeling a little loopy and will probably sleep for a good part of the day.

Keep your prayers coming....you are so amazing and we are so blessed to be surrounded by so much love and support!!

Have a blessed day everyone!

In Him,
Holly

Friday, August 27, 2004 2:53 PM CDT

Friday, August 27, 2004 12:37 AM CDT

Friday, August 27, 2004 12:29 AM CDT

This page has just been created. Please check back for additional updates.

Click here to go back to the main page.

----End of History----